String of Pearls - Part 6 - Pity You Can't Choose Your Relatives

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To say that my sympathy level was withering like a daisy in the Sahara would have been a gross understatement. More like I was thinking that I should throttle my utterly clueless mother, then go hunt down the feckless bigot I got as a father, armed with a two dollar whore sporting an incurable itch.

Grace has trouble in the home, but how did it all go so wrong so quickly? I hope you find this addition to the String of Pearls satisfactory.
- Eclectic Kitty


Part Six: Pity You Can't Choose Your Relatives

08:33, 21st of January, 2006, Our Flat, San Francisco

With the coming Lunar New Year, I knew I could look forward to four things:

1.The Chinese New Year's Festival and Parade.
2.Seeing more of my family than I knew how to deal with.
3.Being immersed in Cantonese, which I had used in all of two conversations within the past nine years.
4.The World of Warcraft Lunar Festival.

The parade will literally be a blast. In fact, what with the ensuing fireworks and music, it will be the one respite I'll have from the scrutiny brought by my family about my 'friendship' with Shiv. Additionally, I absolutely love the martial arts, paper dragons and thundering drums.

This year, Dad's family from Alberta and New Mexico will be coming to San Francisco to see the parade and spend time with Uncle Ho and Aunt Lia here in San Francisco, then with Mum and Dad in Santa Clara.

The only problem with that is that no one outside our immediate family and my aunts know what Shiv means to me. It's actually hard not to get sad about having to hide my love for Shiv in an age that is supposedly more enlightened than Greek and Roman times.

Shiv had been trying to get me to be as open as I had been during those few months before we moved. But after my father's reaction and Justine's treatise on societal strictures, I was quite uncertain where I stood about shouting my bedroom preferences from the proverbial mountain.

We lost ourselves in our blossoming love and the adventure of finding a place for ourselves in San Francisco. It took a lot of work both ways as Shiv's annoying habit of pointing out cute guys merely became an annoying habit of pointing out cute girls. Our neighbors looked at us with open disdain, due to our easy laughter and noisy lovemaking that took the place of the much less frisky previous tenant, a quiet middle-aged woman who had gotten two months behind on her rental fees. She had creeped out Aunt Lia, in any case.

Our new flat was decorated with posters of Shiv's favourite music idols and some of my collected martial weapons, though the majority were props. In all, it looked rather like a head shop. I vowed to include more of my own style before Shiv installed UV lights.

Across from our microscopic kitchen were our computers, huddled together in a corner of the living room in matching oversize computer desks. Long ago, we'd decided that gaming on computers was a far more economical hobby than going out to see movies. Well, after you'd gotten a computer built, that is.

Shiv's love for World of Warcraft was second only to mine. After her and Chris having pried me away from EverQuest, I'd been so very much hooked. The annual Lunar Festival was the topping of cherries on the cheesecake. I still missed EverQuest, but having gone back twice left me feeling stressed out far more than feeling nostalgic.

As a self-admitted 'alt-aholic', for 28 days running from January 27 to February 14 I'd be running my myriad characters all over, under and through Azeroth to collect ancestor coins. It wasn't extremely enjoyable, but getting to some Ancestors was challenging.

In order to speed up this process, Shiv would be bringing her level 55 Troll Mage, Xarwa, along for the Horde side on Kirin Tor and her level 36 Dwarf Paladin, Siggi, on Farstriders. We weren't tons into the Alliance.

I announced that I wouldn't rest until all my characters had purple, pink and green dresses and teal, blue and black pant suits. I had only three tailors that needed to acquire the red dress and pant suit recipes, but Shiv had groaned about the never-ending travel ahead of us.

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08:45, 21st of January, 2006, Our Flat, San Francisco

As Shiv verbally praised her huge black worg for taking out a bear and spider in a go, I had to smirk. Half the draw of playing World of Warcraft was Shiv's silly, yet charming voice characterisations.

When she settled in near Dun Garok, she began talking out loud to a group of dwarves that she had pulled with her Troll hunter, Jil.

“Don' much care for a backside full o' Arse-enic wit a good helpin' o' ravenous worg, eh?”

Her Troll voice was getting quite good, but I held back telling her, for fear of having to hear it non-stop for the next week. She's a perfectionist, so encouraging her when she's close to her goal only makes her practise all the more. On me.

I looked up and saw her and my crossed foils mounted on the wall. I'd bought one for her in the hopes of training her up to be my sparring partner after I had left the Mallard Fencing Academy team.

Back then, I had impressed my fencing instructors enough that they were pushing me to train for national fencing tournaments in addition to my division matches. While I was honoured and considered myself a capable foil combatant, I declined politely, citing that it would break old man Feng's heart back in Hong Kong to be competing in foil and not sabre. I'm unsure that they felt that held any value as an excuse since they knew as well as I that Mallard had sabre combat training as well, but it was a 'no' any way you looked at it, albeit a polite one.

I think my real reason was that I viewed fencing as a hobby and a good means of defense and fitness. That and there were too many things that needed to be focussed upon as far as my studies were concerned.

Chris, on the other hand, had briefly gone down, then up California to compete in statewide competitions for Kendo just after attaining first dan. His team did not take better than third this year in any one competition, but his teammates gave him high praise for winning six consecutive matches his first time out. He was good and getting better, so he was throwing himself into it.

Dad was furious at first that he would choose a Japanese sport to represent the family name in, until Mum reminded him that fencing was not Chinese either; that and the fact that the class and competitions were in America. Much to Chris's chagrin, I felt it necessary to add that kendo was not so different than sabre, but with a whole lot of yelling and foot-stamping.

Our father had quieted and eventually acknowledged the point, but the subject was a touchy one for some reason that he wasn't willing to share. Par for the course, in retrospect.

The thing that disappointed about seeing the foils on the wall was that it meant I wasn't maintaining my skills and that neither of us were keeping well fit.

With a subdued sigh, I loaded up WoW and settled in for a long ride through Azeroth, hoping that at least getting the Alliance coins wouldn't become the e-peen wagging gankfest it was last year.

Shiv had heard me sigh and looked over just in time for me to change my guilt-dampened expression into a smile.

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11:25, 24th of January, 2006, Highway 101, Fremont

Aunt Lia had somehow let the cat out of the bag about Shiv's and my relationship. She apologised profusely, but that did little to keep the coming visit from being dicey. I suppose it was better not to hide.

I picked up Uncle Lum, Aunt Josephine and my cousins, Hope, Honor, and Paul from SFO at 06:45, drove them in a minivan we rented for them to meet Aunt Lia, then drove in the Cream Machine all the way down to SJC to collect my Arizonan cousins from Grandmother Miao Le's side, Hector and Alejandro. I found them quite handsome and polite; until they got in the car.

“Hey Grace?”

“Yes Alejan-- err Hector?”

“She thought I was you? Shiiiiit. Está¡ muy feo.”

“Hey, fuck you, puto.”

“ ¡Maricon! Tu tienes manos de chango,” Alejandro spat out before laughing maniacally and making masturbation motions.

I'd had about enough of this crude banter that I knew wasn't going to fly among the rest of the family, even if they didn't understand it.

“Guys! I need to make one thing perfectly clear: You two are not to curse while at my home. It may come as a surprise to you both, but your family expects some semblance of proper etiquette. You'd do well to pretend to be on your best behaviour and represent your branch of our family tree favourably.”

“What'd she say?” Hector joked into the briefly dumbfounded silence.

“Callete, Hector," Alejandro got out with seeming earnest.

“Hey look, we were just screwing around, cuz. You want us to be good? Fine. We can be good. Just know that we are here because Mom sent us and... also because we thought there might be some hot girls in Cali.” He looked me over while wagging his eyebrows and I failed to suppress a shudder.

This is going to be a long week.

“I was just wondering,” Hector chortled, “you know, if you had a boyfriend?”

A disgustingly long week.

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15:23, 25th of January, 2006, Our Flat, San Francisco

Hope, Paul, Honor, Alejandro, Hector and Uncle Lum were lounging about the living room while Shiv and Aunt Josephine were in the kitchen, working on what we may need from the store for the next week. Aunt Lia and Aunt Kelly were currently out to get 'authentic' wor won ton soup for our starving family members from Edmonton and Rio Rancho.

The Pak family had woken at half past seven, but Hector and Alejandro didn't come down the two floors from Uncle Ho's place until a quarter of ten. The day was going so slow that the rest of the week seemed to be looming like a giant shadow across my mental well-being.

I booted up our computers and offered Shiv's computer to whomever wished to use e-mail. We had changed our desktop wallpapers to something more innocuous than a yuri cat-girl and fox-girl picture that Shiv had drawn for hers and my screen cap of Jadzia Dax getting snogged by Dr. Lenara Kahn. I now had Tinkerbell gracing my screen, while Shiv chose a scan of Margrete Arana from her Kommunity FK album cover. She could be so weird.

Absentmindedly, I followed a request by Hector to open up Oblivion when he saw its case among the many other computer role-playing games I owned, as the family began to gather around my desk. Everyone was amazed by the detail and voice acting, not to mention the grand vistas and music. It was hard not to skip past it all, as was normal for me to do when starting up a game.

“What's your favorite character?” Hector excitedly asked.

“My Bretonian Shadow Mage, Temille, is my favourite," I announced proudly. "She is already head of the Thieves' Guild, Fighter's Guild and Mage's Guild.”

“Impressive. What mods do you use?” Alejandro asked, obviously a player as well.

“Ugh. There are too many to list, but I definitely use Obscuro's, Martigen's and Francesco's.”

“Cool. Can I see your Shadow Mage? That's a custom class?”

“Yes, she has a customised class.” I loaded up my last saved game, which had occurred at night at a bandit camp. The bodies of the fallen had been looted all around my Shadow Mage and although it was dark, because of the Female Eye Candy mod by Growlf that I had enabled, a couple of the female non-player characters I had looted just before saving were completely and obviously nude in the moonlight.

I quickly made to load another game, but all eyes had been on my screen, meaning the damage was done.

Uncle Lum cleared his throat disapprovingly and gathered his family into the back bedroom, where Hope and Honor had been staying. Paul had griped that he had seen more elsewhere, but Uncle Lum was having none of it.

Alejandro turned to me, asking, “Was that Exnem's mod? Do you also have Robert's Male Full Body mod?”

“It's Growlf's. And I don't have Robert's.”

“That's cool. I use both, but most people aren't into that kind of realism.”

“Hey Alejandro? I think I need to go apologise to Uncle Lum's family.”

Alejandro balked, “Paul's seventeen and the the twins that got his big ears and huge nostrils are almost nineteen. What's the big deal besides offending the ugly?”

Bristling, I set Alejandro straight on how I felt about his cavalier attitude.

“That attitude is reprehensible. Different is not ugly. I'm going to go apologise. Hector, educate your brother on being different.”

"What's that supposed to mean?" Hector whined.

I cut him off with an evil glare.

“Ma'am,” Hector said smartly while saluting militarily.

As I rose to call on Shiv, I found that she had been listening by the kitchen partition. Her expression was a scrolling marquee that first said, “We've been caught, my love,” then, “Do you need me to do anything?”

As much as I wanted to rush into her arms and wait for everyone else to simply go away, I felt my backbone straighten up. I shook my head to decline.

“Shiv, could you entertain the boys here while I find my uncle and cousins?”

“As you wish,” Shiv said with a look that oozed love.

Though I love her more than my own life, I get irked that she draws out my passion at the most inopportune of times. I'll see to a proper swatting later.

Giving Shiv a withering look that she knew had nothing behind it, I instead decided to play on her mercies and pleaded with her not to drop any more clues.

Hector and Alejandro had watched the whole exchange and I could feel the heat from the light bulbs that were glowing brightly over their heads. I was a fool for thinking that Shiv and I had planned well enough to dupe my family into thinking that we were merely flatmates.

“So are you Wesley or the Dread Pirate Roberts?” Hector asked in a way that sounded greasy in some way.

Shiv pointed a finger at the boys while she gruffed up her voice to mimic Andre the Giant's Fezzik, “I am here, but soon you will not be here. The Dread Pirate Roberts is here for your soul.”

Hector and Alejandro laughed, allowing me to relax somewhat, now that Shiv had so easily deflected their uncomfortable curiosity with humour.

Out of the frying pan and into the fire, then.

Uncle Lum and Aunt Josephine were helping Hope and Honor gather up their belongings. Bewildered, I tried to grasp how they could possibly have been offended enough to leave. Aunt Josephine spoke before I could begin to apologise.

“I thought something was odd about you when I learnt that the red haired girl had gone to your room to retrieve her pyjamas. That could have been an honest mistake. However, it seems that you two are living as sinners and not just 'girlfriends', as Lia put it. What have you to say for yourself?"

Seething with anger over this injustice, I gnashed my teeth before responding, "I don't have to answer to anyone about what I do within my relationships. Your beliefs are not the same as mine."

"Your beliefs? What beliefs? Your pornography and deviant ways will damn you in this Sodom and Gomorrah."

"Sodom and Gomorrah? And who are you? Lot? Will you throw me out to please the men who come knocking? I choose no man because I have that choice."

"Either my sister Lia has shamelessly corrupted you or your parents have failed to impress upon you your duty to this family.”

I was incensed, but not surprised by hearing my father's sentiments echoed so clearly. When I tried to respond, Uncle Lum decided to have a go. The twins and Paul were keeping their heads down.

“<The way you and that girl look at each other shows me that you have fallen under her seduction,> he snapped at the top of his voice.

“<That demoness has cut you off from your destiny, which can only end badly. Forsake her and let us find a man for you.>”

The quickly spoken Cantonese took a moment to digest. The breathing in the room was about the only thing that could be heard for a few heartbeats. Grace closed her eyes to stem the flow of tears as the words all hit her. The accusations and implications burned like red-hot coals in her mind and she lashed out.

“It is you who do not honour our family. All I have done is find the love of my life and you scorn me for that?

“How many Chinese daughters end up given away, sold or worse when a son is desired? I am not only Chinese and I certainly do not adhere to Chinese ideals or even Christian ideals except where honoring my ancestors is concerned. In my chest beats three generations of white <demonesses>. Shall I give myself over to that side? To Aunt Josephine's side? Do I have a choice? She's only one shade yellower than I and your daughters are every bit as light as I am in any case.”

Uncle Lum had been growing redder and redder, his hands clenched into white and pink balls at his side.

Hope's lily-white hand reached out to close her suitcase, causing Uncle Lum to glance down at it. He let out a sad, broken sigh.

“<I don't know how my wife's brother or sister can allow such a beautiful girl to go to waste.>”

Aunt Josephine nodded her agreement with a sour face. "And I'll not become a pillar of salt for you or anyone else."

“Let's go,” he said to his kids. To his wife and I am guessing to me, since his kids didn't speak Cantonese with any fluency, he said, “<We're taking a taxi cab to your brother's home in Santa Clara until we can arrange a trip home.>”

“I can drive you. Don't be silly,” I offered weakly through angry tears.

“You don't want that any more than we do,” Aunt Josephine asserted.

As though we had kicked them out of our home, the Paks waited on the street side for their taxi.

Aunt Lia was furious with her sister for her attack on me, but didn't say more than 'goodbye'. Kelly said, “Ah well. More soup to go around.”

After they'd gone, Aunt Lia told me that Uncle Lum obviously knew about her and Kelly, yet he came down to visit anyhow, meaning that he'd come around again, in time. Aunt Josephine was another story what with her born again zeal.

“Don't lose hope with your family, Grace. It is the glue that keeps us from becoming strangers.”

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11:30, 26th of January, 2006, Miao's, Santa Clara

The next morning, I drove down to Santa Clara in the Cream Machine after Mum called to tell me that Dad had left her to live in Alberta with the Pak family.

I knew it was going to be blamed on me and/or Chris. I found it hard not to blame myself. Mum would have none of that, so we went round and round that morning in an effort to put some reason to Dad's behaviour.

That was when I learnt that my mother had been trapped in an abusive relationship with my father. I didn't recall any signs, so it was hard for me to accept it on its face.

“Your father didn't physically abuse me, Grace. It was the mind games that I was referring to. Always thinking that I was off cheating on him, that fool even had me followed a couple of times and followed me himself on numerous occasions besides.

“Almost as soon as they became available, he got me a pager, then a mobile, then a mobile with a camera built in so that I could prove that I was where I said I would be.

“Have you never wondered why I hadn't any friends? Bruce ran them all off!”

“My God, Mum. I'm sorry; I had no idea at all. Why didn't you tell him to seek help? Maybe you could have asked us kids for help, well, before he disowned us.”

“It was all I could do to keep you and your brother from being involved in your father's madness. Please know that I have never rejected you.

“He blamed me for you becoming a lesbian and your brother turning gay. It's enough to drive me off my trolley as well, the way his mind works.”

To say that my sympathy level was withering like a daisy in the Sahara would have been a gross understatement. More like I was thinking that I should throttle my utterly clueless mother, then go hunt down the feckless bigot I got as a father, armed with a two dollar whore sporting an incurable itch.

“Mum. I love you. I know Dad just left and all, but doesn't that also mean you are free to think and act for yourself?”

“He'll be back later to settle his work and the sale of the house. I have no opportunities for employm-- ." Mum stopped short, literally gobsmacked. "I'll be damned," she said from behind her hand. "Your father has put in for a transfer already, knowing him. I haven't any means of making it on my own. What was he thinking?"

Mum looked completely zonked. Her eyes were sad and strawberry red. Though I was still pissed off about the whole 'me, me me' attitude coupled with the 'choose to be queer' angle she was currently on, I still felt bad for her.

"Whatever shall I do, Grace? How can this be freedom? I feel positively trapped.”

“First off, you can drop the whole idea that Chris and I had some choice in being homosexual," I said brusquely. "If only to make it crystal clear; I did not 'become' anything, nor did Chris 'turn' in any direction. We are who we are. And if you must know, Chris fancies twazzer as much as I do. The hurdle to jump there is that his current girlfriend wasn't born as one. Get over it.”

“Anything else?” Mum asked with irritation.

“Well, yes, Mum. Of course there is always something else. In this case, it's an easy one on your conscience. You have a talent for teaching. English lessons are sorely needed by many people all over this country, especially among the peoples who have only just arrived or who live in cells of culture, only to find themselves trapped there because of the language barrier. Chinatown is one such place. I suppose any public school would be a bit of a tack, but the reward would surmount the challenge, in my opinion.”

Mum got up to put some water on the boil and looked out the kitchen window to the pool outside, its watery reflections of the midday sun dancing upon her face and the ceiling above.

“I love this place, Grace. I love my memories of Cretein and you laughing together and with Siobhan. Your father was ever in the distance, but I guess it didn't bother me that he'd get into his books or lose himself in CNN. If this house is sold...”

I attacked my daft Mum with a huge bear hug.

“Lock those memories up, Mum. Take them with you wherever you go. If you'll allow it, Chris, Shiv and I will help you make new ones.”

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Comments

Surprising!

Yes, surprising indeed. I never thought that I could get caught up in a lesbian love story. This has turned out to be an interesting and compelling story that will have me coming back to see how things turn out with Grace amd Shiv. I'm glad you have shared your tale with us.

Linda Jeffries.

Too soon old, too late smart.

Linda Jeffries
Too soon old, too late smart.
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Pulling in the timeline.

Eclectic Kitty's picture

Thank you for sticking with it, Linda. 8) Sharing seemed only natural when I decided to try my hand at writing. Big Closet has been awesome all around.

- Eclectic Kitty
Oh, that magic feeling - nowhere to go.

- Eclectic Kitty
Oh, that magic feeling - nowhere to go.

I loved the whole chapter, but the last line touched me!

Andrea Lena's picture

...“Lock those memories up, Mum. Take them with you wherever you go. If you'll allow it, Chris, Shiv and I will help you make new ones.” Isn't that what life should be about...treasuring the past but accepting the present and hoping for the future? Excellent chapter to an excellent story. Thank you once again!

She was born for all the wrong reasons but grew up for all the right ones.
Possa Dio riccamente vi benedica, tutto il mio amore, Andrea

  

To be alive is to be vulnerable. Madeleine L'Engle
Love, Andrea Lena