A Strange Attraction to Concrete Cows

by Karen Page
Edited by Angel O'Hare

Chapter 9

Friday, Christmas Eve, dragged. I hadn't seen Anna all day. She was busy helping her Mum, who finished her job the previous day, pack some of the remaining items. I wanted to help but I'd spent so much time with them that I hadn't managed to wrap any of my Christmas presents. Most of the morning, therefore, was spent wrapping. When I came to wrap Anna's present I took special care with the wrapping, putting a big red ribbon to make it look that little bit extra special.

I'd purchased Anna's and Erika's present a few weeks previous but had decided to get something a bit extra. Last night I was playing with the counties concert wind band at a shopping mall. During a break from playing I managed to purchase something for her to remember me with.

Mum arrived back at twelve from the shops. She'd left for the supermarket at six this morning. I knew things would be busy but I wasn't expecting it to take that long.

"Bill," called Mum. "Can you give me a hand?"

I trouped out and helped her carry in several plastic bags full of shopping. Then I spied a big open top box on the back seat. Inside was a huge turkey.

"Isn't that turkey a little big for just the three of us?"

"It won't just be the three of us this year. We're having visitors."

"Is Dad coming?" I asked getting excited. "I know how he hated eating alone last year. Is he bringing Julia?"

"No, your Dad isn't coming," replied Mum her face falling.

I thought that she was going to burst into tears so I rushed over and gave her a hug. "I'm sorry Mum. You really miss him don't you?"

Mum just nodded as we carried the box into the kitchen. After a moment of silence I asked, "So who is coming?"

"The Scott's and the Donald's. I invited them when I found out about them moving between Christmas and New Year. I didn't think it would be very merry in a bare house surrounded with boxes."

"No wonder you got such a big turkey," I said. "Ten is a lot to cook for. Would you like some help?"

"Always offering to help," smiled Mum. "Thanks, but I should be able to manage. I could do with some help with some of the preparation during this afternoon."

My face fell for a second as I had hoped to go to Anna's this afternoon. Then I perked up as I thought about helping make Christmas special for the girl I loved. "No problem Mum. Let me help put all of this away and then after lunch I'll gladly help."

Mum turned up the dimmer as the closing credits of A Christmas Carol came up. Patrick Stewart hadn't done a bad rendition of Ebenezer Scrooge but I still think that Alistair Sim is the best. We leave for church at eleven so we had two hours to kill. Perhaps we should turn over and watch Chocolat but it finished at five to eleven so that wouldn't give me much time to get ready.

"Will you both please put up the camp bed," requested Mum making the choice not to watch Chocolat for me. "We will have a guest staying overnight."

"You can get it out this time," I told Beth. "My head still hurts from last time."

Beth just burst out in laughter remembering what had happened. "No problem little bro, I'll get it out."

Beth then turned to Mum and asked, "Which room should we put it in?"

Mum actually stopped to ponder. This surly couldn't be a difficult decision was it? Males went in with me and females in with Beth. "It's up to you," she replied baffling both me and Beth. "You could put it in either room really. I'll leave it up to you."

Beth and I just looked at each other in wonder both of us failing to understand what was going on. In our baffled state none of us thought the obvious question about asking who was staying. Instead I asked, "Is the person male or female?"

"Female," responded Mum with a small smile.

"Well then we will put her in Beth's room," I decided. I wonder if Mum has had too much to drink after the meal.

While Beth rummaged under the stairs for the camp bed I found the bedding in the airing cupboard. I was starting to get quite good at making up camp beds. You don't use them for a year and this is the second time in under a week.

At ten Beth and I were playing a game of scrabble. As usual Beth was getting better words than me but I was placing mine in more strategic positions so was slightly ahead. The doorbell rang and Beth got up to see who was knocking at this time of night.

"No Beth," said Mum. "I think that Bill should go."

Wondering what Mum was playing at I opened the front door. There shining as if she were the actual Christmas angel stood Anna. I stood aside to let her in. As the door closed Anna dropped her bag and jumped into my arms. When eventually we separated I noticed that she was wearing some smart clothes.

"Are you coming to church with us tonight?"

"Yes. I spoke with my parents last Sunday about it and they discussed things with your Mum. My parents have never really been church goers so they find this a bit strange. However they support my choice and thought it would be nice to accompany you."

"Do you want to go because of me or because you want to go to church?" I asked.

"A bit of both," she said after a moments thought. "I like being with you and went the first time to keep you company. I found the service interesting and some of what was said made sense. I'd like to go to make up my mind and Christmas is supposed to be about the birth of Jesus so here I am."

"So why are you staying overnight?"

"Well I'm going in the morning with you as well."

"Let's take your bag up," I suggested. Then it dawned on me, Mum gave me the opportunity to have Anna sleep in my room.

"I'll be right back," I said to Anna as I strode towards the lounge.

"How could you Mum," I said.

She just smiled and said, "Thank you for not disappointing me and the Scott's. Like I said, we trust you both."

"Ahhhh," I mock screamed with frustration which just caused Mum and Beth to laugh.

I leaned over to Beth and said, "Well you'll have to put up with her snoring." This stopped Beth laughing and I just laughed at the look of anguish on her face.

I left Beth and Mum alone and went to help Anna unpack her overnight bag. “I hear you’re coming to lunch tomorrow.”

“Yes. It will seem strange not seeing my parents until lunch time and not opening my presents till we go home.”

“How did your parents feel about you staying?”

“They understood that this is something I wanted to do. As you know they’ve always been one for me choosing what I want in life.”

“Like when you wanted to take ballet lessons?” I teased. That just resulted in Anna sticking out her tongue at me.

"I brought down your clothes," she said referring to Jill's clothes. I took them and placed them at the back of my wardrobe.

At just before eleven we all were in our smart clothes and piled into Mums car for the short journey to church. The air was quite warm and didn’t feel very Christmassy. The images on the front of the Christmas cards really gave the wrong impression of Christmas. It was never white during Christmas. Mum told me the other day that the last real Christmas with snow on the ground was in 1981.

When we got to the church it was already starting to fill. There were a lot of non regulars attending which swelled the numbers and just before half eleven the church was nearly full.

Just before the service started I remembered something I meant to chat with Anna about. “Anna I know that you’re not confirmed. I meant to talk with you earlier about this but you can still go up for blessing.”

“I’d feel funny doing that,” she replied. “What would the vicar think?”

“Dad didn’t get confirmed until he was in his late twenties,” I stated. “Also I heard that vicars feel it is an honour. By going and asking for a blessing you are personally asking the vicar to act as a conduit.”

“But what will everyone else say?”

“This is about your relationship with Jesus not anybody else’s. If you go to the communion rail or not is up to you. Just remember there are a lot of non regulars here tonight and not all of them will have been confirmed.”

I gave her hand a reassuring squeeze and let the subject drop. I always loved this Midnight Communion service as it is a service of celebration and hope. At midnight the verger lit the last advent candle and Christmas day had begun. This was my second Christmas without my Dad and the first with somebody not from our family.

When we arrived home we were all tired. “Go on up,” Mum told all three of us.

As I went into my room and I heard Anna say to Beth, “I just want to say goodnight to Bill. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

I was in the process of removing my tie when Anna walked in. “Merry Christmas,” she said giving me a tender but firm kiss. I like those kisses.

“Thanks for earlier,” she said. “You know what you talked to me about in church. You were right the vicar was totally unfazed about me going for a blessing.”

We talked for another few minutes until we heard Beth finish in the bathroom.

“Goodnight,” I said giving Anna a kiss. “See you later today.”

***

In the morning we just had a light breakfast of orange juice and cereal. It was pointless to have much more as Christmas day lunch would fill us up till New Year. After attending church again we all came home to open the presents.

Anna looked a bit down so I asked, “What’s wrong? You seem a bit upset.”

“Nothing really. I’m glad I stayed and went to church but I feel a bit left out. All my presents are waiting at home.”

“Not all,” Mum said. “Bill has some presents here for you. See the pile of presents under the tree. Well all the children help divide them up into individual piles. Why don’t I leave all three of you to sort them out while I check on the turkey?”

As she walked out of the door she said, “And no opening them till I’m back!”

We all scrambled onto the floor and started sorting them out. Suddenly there was a loud shriek from Anna.

“What wrong?” I said worried as tears streamed down her face.

“Some of these are for me from my family,” she said happily. “Dad must have snuck them down.”

I then realised that they were tears of joy, not sadness. As we sorted the presents I came across the ones from me to her. I passed them to her and gave her a quick kiss.

“Can I open it now?” she asked looking ready to rip the paper off.

“NO!” screeched Beth and me simultaneously. “Mum will go spare if we open them when she’s not here.”

“Okay,” she said reluctantly putting them onto her pile.

Just as we finished dividing the presents out the door bell rang. “Can you get that Bill,” asked Mum.

I looked at the clock and it was two early for the Scott’s or Moore’s. Who could this be? May be it was Dad? Then on second thoughts Mum had categorically said that he wasn’t coming.

I walked to the front door accompanied by Anna. As I opened it I heard Mr and Mrs Scott cheerfully greet us both with a “Merry Christmas.”

Anna virtually jumped into their arms. I knew that she’d missed them. “What are you doing here this early?” a bewildered Anna asked her parents.

“It wouldn’t be Christmas if we didn’t watch you open your presents.”

I ushered them into the lounge where Mum had reappeared. All the presents were separated into areas.

When Anna opened her present from me she gasped and flung herself into my arms. It was a silver photo frame with a picture of me and Anna. Written in the bottom left were the words, "To Anna, All my love for always. Bill."

I found her present to me and she just burst into a fit of giggles as I began to open it. Nestled inside a mountain of wrapping paper was an identical silver photo frame. The picture inside however was a different one of us together at one of Planetwide's family events. Anna was wearing a rather fetching red velvet cushioned dress. I remember her wearing it as it used to drive my then undeclared feelings wild. I took her in my arms and gave Anna another big kiss much to Mum's amusement.

My parents had given me a mobile phone. When Beth opened her present she had an identical phone. My parents had always said that they didn't believe in children having mobiles so this was quite a surprise.

"What made you change your mind about us having a mobile?" I asked.

"With Anna and Erika leaving you probably will go out alone. That didn't used to be a problem as there were always plenty of pay phones. With such a widespread mobile phone use BT are removing some of them. A mobile will make sure you can contact me or in a real emergency Dad.

Soon all the presents were open and the lounge cleared of the torn wrapping paper. Just before Christmas lunch the Donald's appeared and the day passed with lots of exuberance. The only strange thing was when the Christmas pudding was brought out. Mum poured some brandy over the pudding and set it alight.

Erika, who was sitting to my left, leaned across and whispered, "You still eat it after that?"

I gave a small giggle, "Of course. It's just a part of the tradition. It doesn't burn the pudding."

"Okay," she said doubtfully.

Beth took the pudding back to the kitchen and served it into bowls. She brought them in with a jug of brandy sauce. Erika picked at her pudding until she saw her parents eating theirs with gusto and she tucked in. After the mince pies and Christmas cake everyone was very much over fed.

The Donald's and Scott's eventually left about nine that night. It was one of the days since Dad had left, well apart from Anna sleeping on my lap!

***

The days passed quickly and I saw little of Erika or Anna as they prepared for their move. I wanted to help but the thought of Anna leaving was too much for me. I just cooked lots of cakes to try and take my mind off the fateful day. Mum was always there to listen to me when I got too upset. She had taken the days between Christmas and New Year as holidays so she would be there when Erika and Anna left

On the Wednesday it was time for Erika to leave. At half ten I wandered up to Erika's house. The day was crisp and dry rather like the days since Christmas. Outside of the house was parked a large lorry and three removal men were carrying the last remaining boxes out.

I didn't see Anna wander up and the first thing I new about her presence was when she slipped her hand into mine. We just watched in silence as the Donald's life was packed into a lorry. We'd known Erika for just over a year. In that time she had much to adjust to. We might speak the same language but there was a lot for her to adjust to.

My thoughts however weren't on Erika. They were on Anna's impending move. We'd known each other for most of our lives and now she would be gone. Watching Erika move was like watching Anna move twice. I think Anna must have thought the same as we both started to cry and our grips on each others hands tightened.

The lorry slowly pulled away and we walked slowly towards the house. As we approached Mrs Donald signalled that we could go into the house. It was empty. We stood just inside the entrance as Erika misty eyed walked around the house obviously remembering things that had occurred during the year she'd been there.

Eventually she noticed us standing there watching. She wandered up trying to keep control of her emotions and Anna let go of my hand. We all embraced into a group hug and Erika's barriers crumbled. We sobbed on each others shoulders until we were interrupted by Mr Donald.

"Erika its time to go," he gently said.

We released each other and Erika gave me a tight hug, "Thanks for being my friend," she whispered into my ear. I hope we see each other again."

"Me to," I said tears still running down my cheeks, "Me to."

We all left the house and Anna and I stood at the end of the drive once again hand in hand giving each other as much comfort as we could. Erika climbed into the car as Mr Donald secured the house for the final time. We waved as the car started and slowly drove out of view.

We stood there silently in remembrance of our friend. Then we set off together. Neither of us had told the other; it just happened. Soon we were walking along a long abandoned canal; the aroma of the stagnant waters weren't as oppressive as in the heat of the summer. The week glow of the sun occasionally gleamed through the bare branches of the trees. The dry leaves that still covered the ground acted as a good blanket and we settled down to relax.

When we grew up this used to be our favourite hideaway. Hardly anybody came down the old towpath especially during the winter. Anna looked tired and didn't appear to have been sleeping well. I patted my thigh and Anna giving a smile sat on it. We snuggled and kissed as I gently rocked my love.

I opened my eyes to a strange warbling sound. I looked up and saw that the sun had changed positions and was now low in the sky. We must have fallen asleep. The insistent ringing of the phone eventually woke Anna, who for once hadn't been snoring, opened her eyes and stretched just as the phone stopped ringing.

She giggled and said, "You missed it."

"Appears so," I responded giving her a little tickle.

She moved off my lap and a rubbed my numb legs. I fished out the phone from my pocket and peered at the screen. It showed "1 Missed Call". I investigated further and found out it was our home. I returned the call.

"Hi Mum," I said as she finished her greeting.

"I just wondered if Anna wanted to join us for tea."

I glanced at my watch as saw it was three. In about an hour it would be going dark.

"Do you want to eat with us tonight?" I asked Anna who was now stood up and brushing leaves that had stuck to her jeans.

"That would be nice. It’s a bit depressing at home with everything packed."

I put the phone back to my face and said to Mum, "If that’s okay then she'd love to."

With the phone again stored in my pocket I stood and we made our way back towards civilisation. With the sun low in the sky we didn't want to be caught in the dark so close to water. Memories of Mums reaction when, aged eight, I came home dripping wet were still strong and I didn't want a repeat lecture.

We made our way through the centre of the village and we chatted about some of the things we had done. We’d both missed lunch so I purchased a small cake for each of us from the bakery. It was just enough to quell the hunger pangs but not spoil our appetite.

People we knew from school saw us walk through the village but we were left alone. The temperature was dropping and a slight frost was developing on some of the cars parked along the roadside.

When we got home we were beginning to feel the cold and were glad to enter the warmth of the house. Mum as per usual popped her head round the door as we entered and ushered us both into the lounge where she turned on the gas fire. Soon the coals were glowing and we sat dangling our now bare feet to warm them up.

The last evening we would spend together passed all too quick. Mum and Beth gave us the privacy we wanted and we spent the time in the lounge enjoying being together. As the chime of the wall clock struck nine Mum knocked on the door and said, "Anna should go back soon as she has a lot to do tomorrow."

"Okay," Anna and I replied simultaneously.

We spent the next few minutes kissing but soon we knew we couldn't put off Anna going any longer.

"I'll walk you back," I offered as we put our coats on.

"Thanks", she replied.

We stepped into the hall where we saw Mum walking down the stairs.

"I'm just walking Anna home," I informed Mum.

"It's been a real pleasure knowing you," said Mum to Anna as they both embraced.

"Thanks," was all Anna could say as again she burst into tears. I put my arms around her and comforted her. Mum wandered into the lounge leaving us alone.

When Anna had calmed down we walked up to her house. As she went in I saw boxes everywhere. The coat hook in the hall had gone and it looked more like a shell. It was no longer the warm home that I'd known. The photographs that donned the lounge were no longer there and all that was left were bare walls.

I said a quick goodbye as being in here was making me depressed. This was a place that would soon be somebody else's home.

I walked home in a sombre mood knowing what tomorrow would bring. I know life must change but I'd had enough change already when Dad moved away. Why did I have to loose my girlfriend as well?

When I got home I just went straight to bed. I was glad that I didn't see Mum or Beth. As I snuggled under the duvet I reflected on life and gently sobbed into my pillow. My life as I knew it would never be the same. I would have no real friends at school and outside school I would be alone.

Eventually I drifted off to a fitful sleep. At just past one in the morning I awoke finding that I’d been crying in my sleep. I wandered to the toilet to find it occupied by Beth. When she came out she found me sitting on the floor, my back to the opposite wall and my face full of tear marks. I got up and relieved myself. When I eventually came out Beth was waiting for me and led me to her room. Made up was a camp bed.

"I made the bed up earlier just in case Anna wanted to spend the night. I think you need somebody with you tonight and tomorrow night."

"Won't Mum be upset with me sleeping in the same room as a girl?"

"I think Mum trusts you not to do something wicked with your own sister," she replied with a smile.

Eventually I again fell asleep with thoughts of ten wonderful years with Anna. I woke up twice and Beth comforted me as I gradually transferred the box of tissues into the waste bin.

When I eventually awoke in the morning the sun had already risen. Beth was awake, still under her duvet, watching me.

"You okay little brother?"

"I think so. What's the time?"

"Quarter to nine."

Tears began to leak from my face again but I made no effort to hide them.

"What's wrong?" gently asked Beth.

"The removal truck will be there. It was going to be there at eight," I responded through the tears.

Beth calmed me down and when the tears were gone shooed me back to my room while she got ready.

When I came down for breakfast Mum was making some toast and had put several different jams on the table.

"I thought this would slip down nicely," she said as I took my seat. A few minutes later we were joined by Beth who looked almost as tired as me.

The breakfast was eaten in virtual silence which I was quite relieved about. Any normal discussion would probably have had me breaking down in tears.

As I went to clean my teeth I heard Mum say to Beth, "Thanks for looking after Bill last night. Was it as bad as we thought it would be?"

"Worse. Even when he was asleep he appeared to be suffering some type of bad dream. I don't think tonight will be any better"

I'd gone through the bad dreams and Beth didn't know half of what I'd dreamt. I hopped they were wrong about tonight but I very much doubted it. I got ready and after putting on a thick jumper and coat with trepidation set off to say farewell to Anna.

When I arrived the lorry was filling up fast. They had more to move as they'd lived there for so long. I stood on their grass watching as their worldly goods were carried and placed into the lorry. After about fifteen minutes a removal man walked up with a steaming hot cup of coffee.

"The young girl in the house thought you'd appreciate this," he said.

"Thanks," I said as he walked back to carry out more boxes.

At nearly eleven the house was empty and the lorry set off for Milton Keynes. I went into the house and saw Anna sat on the floor in the corner of the lounge.

"Hi," I said as I sat next to her.

"It's all gone," she simply said.

"I know," I responded putting my arm around her.

Nothing more was said as we just sat there. There were no tears just a deep sadness at our impending forced split.

"It's time to go," said Mrs Scott walking into the lounge.

"Can we have a few minutes?" asked Anna.

"Of course," she replied. "I'll just be outside."

I leant across and gave her a tender kiss. "Will you give me a ring when you're unpacked?"

"If the phone isn't connected then I'll use Erika's which is."

"If you see anything of my Dad you will let me know."

"I can't," she responded with sadness. "Mum and Dad talked with me last night. We aren't allowed to see your Dad or Julia. If we do then we aren't allowed to talk with you about it."

"Don't worry," I reassured her. "I'm not surprised. Mum and your parents have taken great care to keep things secret. So don't look as I would hate for you to get into trouble."

I stood and pulled Anna up. Together our arms around each other we walked to the car.

"Good luck," I said as she got in. "I'll always love you."

"I'll always love you too," responded Anna tears starting to trickle down her beautiful face.

Mr Scott locked the house and they were on their way to their new house. I watched in silence as there car disappeared around the bend.

Anna was gone.

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