A Second Letter from a (Formerly) Broken Toy
To the person who abused me:
I wrote you a letter some time ago, and today I felt compelled to write another.
You see, things have changed for me. I have recovered most of the memories I suppressed and I understand better what happened to me while I was in your “care.”
I now know how you used my desire toward the feminine to control me, how you twisted my gender issues to feed your needs. You made me so ashamed of myself, so afraid of what I felt, that I would submit to your “attention” rather than risk exposure.
Worse, you threatened my loved ones, and did it in such a way that I internalized it, came to believe that I was the threat to them.
But now it is all over. I don’t belong to you anymore. I am free, and I can make the declaration to the world:
I AM NOT A FREAK, A SISSY, OR ANY OTHER NAME YOU CHOSE TO GIVE ME, I WAS NOT EVIL OR PERVERTED, AND I WAS NOT AT FAULT, NOT THEN, AND NOT NOW.
I may cry again, grieve for the loss of innocence again, have spasms of rage and pain again, but I am more than those moments.
I have friends, family, faith. I have found I have some talents and can even be seen as worthwhile, helpful, and kind. I have found that I actually add to the lives of others.
I am not just surviving, but thriving.
As the saying goes, the best revenge is a life well lived, and I am finally on my way to having that, and I can leave you in the past, where you belong.
No longer a broken toy, but a healing human being.
Comments
From one formerly broken toy to another...
I have friends, family, faith. I have found I have some talents and can even be seen as worthwhile, helpful, and kind. I have found that I actually add to the lives of others.
Thank you for this, dear heart.
Dio vi benedica tutti
Con grande amore e di affetto
Andrea Lena
Love, Andrea Lena
Good God, Dorothy!!!
[email protected] Yeah, I've got to agree with Drea, but what You've put out here. ...,Yeah, it's very disturbing. It breaks my heart, in more ways than one.
While I was never subjected to such abuse, I've sufferred many indignities. Nothing close to what you've described here.
My Heart Goes Out To You,
So Much Love,
Always Your Friend,
Jonelle-Elise(Bailey's Cuter Half)
[email protected]
A Second Letter from a (Formerly) Broken Toy
Thank you for this story. It is a Godsend to many here.
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
"care"
I feel your pain.
I know we all have different connotations of the word "care."
In my experience of childhood care was a word thrown around too freely, to the point it became a hollow word in my vocabulary.
Being brought up in "care" (children's home, i.e institution) I quickly came to realise there was no care, only spite and malice as they ridiculed me about my malaise. Oh yes they knew about my gender confusion, obviously never understood it, just riddiculed me at every opportunity.
Never was sexualy abused only mentaly. (Is one type of abuse really worse than another?) I think we all carry the same scars.
The saddest thing in my childhood was the perpetrators of my abuse were all women payed to look after my "welfare"
So once again, you are not alone in your pain,many of us are walking along the same path.
Together we can only become stronger.
Thinking of you at this time. Don' give up on humanity.
Kindest regards from a fellow traveller
Wonderful letter.
Hello again Dorothy.
Yes I understand why you have to write a second letter. It is the slow carthartic excorcism that is so necessary to the healing of the whole self.
As a fellow traveller who knows those tears and rages but most of all the feelings of unrequitted helplessness that accompany the deppressive bouts when one knows that those who broke you, 'nay smashed you' cannot be avenged cos they have grown old and died.
I think, reading your letter that I am a little further along (not down mind you,) that road than you with sixty years of traveeling upon it. However your last observation might well be your ticket to a successful journey.
The best revenge is a life well lived. That is just soo-oo true.
My life is happier now but it's been a very long journey and I readily recognise the parrallels to yours.
Now I am enjoying myself thus.
This was me at a recent party with friends.
Friends are just so, so important.
Love and hugs,
OXOXOX
Beverly
P.S. I believe in God, I have faith but no church. God loves me for what I am not what others would try to make me. No church would have me and I would have no church.
Growing old disgracefully. (Very disgracefully!! but happily.)
can i just say...
Dam fine gams lady! giggle.
"Treat everyone you meet as though they had a sign on them that said "Fragile, under construction"
dorothycolleen
Very Good
This is a great way for you to get your feelings out and what a concept using a refference to a broke toy this was great Dorothy and I hope you get fixed real so HUGS GIRLFRIEND RICHIE2