Audra: A New Life -5- "Beginning Over"

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Synopsis:

Every new beginning is the end of something else and every ending begins the cycle again. When you finish grieving, it's time to go on living.

Audra: A New Life

by Joanne Foxcourt

Part 5 - Beginning Over

Story:

All the usual copyright and "viewing if you're legal" rules apply. There is no sex in this story, the character is far too young, but there is implied violence. It is a work of fiction and all the characters are fictional, any similarities to the living are chance.

Chapter 26: The Sun Will Come Out

"You know I'm really a boy, right?" Audra asked Jason.

"You don't look like a boy. At least not now," Jason told her. "Besides, I thought you were a girl now. That's what Coach Clarke said."

"I guess."

"Audra, I'm just a kid, I don't know what these things mean, but I know you didn't have any choice."

"I didn't."

"Hey, it doesn't mean you can't have fun. You're still a friend, girl or not. That doesn't matter at all."

"Do you mean that?"

"Sure," Jason assured her.

"It's not pity or anything, is it?" Audra asked.

"I suppose that some of us feel sorry for you, but it isn't pity. For me, I liked you before and I like you now."

"You know something Jase?"

"What?"

"You're pretty smart for a boy!" Audra laughed and sprinted for the pool. Jason laughed and chased her into the pool.

***

Marianne nestled into her husband as they watched Audra jump into the pool. "I feel better," Marianne stated.

"I know what you mean," James commented. "We haven't seen Audra laugh for quite a long time."

"She looks so beautiful when she laughs. Like the sun has come out from behind the clouds."

"We should tell Sheila," James suggested.

Marianne nodded, "I was thinking the same thing."

***

Sheila walked out on to the patio near the pool. She was excited by the news that Marianne had given her and she wanted a chance to reinforce it with Audra while the acceptance was still fresh. Sheila smiled as she watched Audra playing in the pool with her friends.

After a few minutes, Audra noticed Sheila sitting near the pool and climbed out to meet her. "Hi Sheila. What's up?" She asked.

"Why don't you tell me," Sheila suggested as she patted the seat beside her.

"What do you mean?" Audra asked as she sat down.

Sheila smiled at her. "I saw you laughing. Real laughter, like somebody who was finally finding some joy in life."

"I don't know, I guess I learned something today."

"Do you know what it is?"

Audra hummed to herself, trying to frame an answer. "I don't really know how to say it. A friend told me I was pretty and I didn't know how to take it."

"How did you take it?" asked Sheila.

"I guess I got upset."

"Upset?"

"A bit, but Ken and my daddy helped me."

"You are pretty, Audra. Does that bother you?"

"A little," Audra admitted.

"Why?"

"Because I was a boy and boys aren't supposed to be pretty."

"Did that make you feel that you had failed as a boy?" Sheila asked her seriously.

"Yes!"

"I doesn't mean that, Audra. One's appearance isn't the measure of a man or woman; it's what is inside that matters."

"I understand that, now, I guess."

"No need to guess. Does it bother you now that people say you are pretty?"

"No," admitted Audra.

"Congratulations!"

"Why?" Audra asked, surprised.

"You made a big step today, I'm very proud of you. Now go and have some fun." Sheila told her with a smile. On impulse, Audra gave her a hug and then ran back to the pool to join her friends.

***

June Marsden placed her arms around Judy Grant and held her as she cried out her fear. "Missus Grant, there is no reason for you to live in fear. We can help you and your children."

Judy sniffled, "Please, call me Judy and come in."

June and the two police officers followed Judy into the house. June noted that the house was spotless and well decorated. Obviously, from their house, and the neighborhood it occupied, the Grant family was fairly well-off.

"Judy, I know about your son." June told her, hoping that it would allow June to open easier.

"What do you mean?" Judy asked.

"I know why your husband is so abusive towards him."

Judy sighed. She stared at the people in front of her for a few seconds before she began to speak. "When Robert and I first met, he was so wonderful. He treated me like a princess and our life was very happy. Bobby was our first born and Robert was ecstatic to have a son, a young man to carry on the name and the business. Don't get me wrong, Robert was very happy when Amy was born as well, but he's a bit old fashioned and a son meant a great deal to him. That was the problem, though."

Judy hesitated as June gave her encouraging look.

"For several years, Robert took an active interest in Bobby and how he was growing up. He wanted Bobby to be tough, a man's man. It was important to Robert. However, as Bobby got a bit older, he became interested in a lot of the things that his sister was interested in. At first, Robert tolerated it, I told him it was harmless child's play, but he didn't like it. He started trying to express his disapproval by taking away some of Bobby's privileges and pushing him towards sports. Bobby is quite good at sports, you know."

June nodded, "I've heard that."

Judy smiled slightly. "For a while it seemed to work. Bobby was distracted and anxious to please his father. But, it was only a while. For whatever reason, Bobby couldn't resist. The first time Robert ever hit him, Bobby was eight years old. He caught Bobby wearing one of my dresses while playing 'dress-up' with Amy. Robert was furious. He blamed me for letting this continue and having his son turn into a 'wimp' or something."

June winced in sympathy.

"Bobby cried a lot and swore he wouldn't do it again. That wasn't true though, he did it again and again. Each time that Robert caught him, he would beat Bobby and Bobby would promise to stop."

"Did he hit you?" June asked.

"Yes," Judy whispered.

"Why?"

"Robert decided that it was my fault, that I had influenced him. I don't understand why Bobby does what he does, but I didn't encourage it!"

"Judy, you couldn't do anything about it. You're not to blame."

Judy nodded, though her eyes said that she was unsure. "Anyways, it's gotten progressively worse. Robert rewards Bobby for his aggressive behavior, but he punishes him harshly if he catches him doing anything feminine. He punishes me."

***

"Who's the lady?" Jason asked as Audra jumped back into the pool.

"My shrink," Audra told him.

"Your shrink?"

"You know. A psychiatrist. They help you feel better."

"Oh."

"How come she's here?"

"Many things, nosey Parker!" Audra exclaimed.

"Sorry! I didn't mean to pry. Your head seems pretty shrunk to me," Jason claimed.

"I wish. I feel better though."

***

"So?" James Wilson asked.

Sheila smiled at him. "Sew buttons!" She teased.

James and Marianne laughed. "You know what I mean!" James growled.

Sheila smiled again. "Yes, Audra has made a huge step today, a very huge step. We're not out of the woods yet, but she is definitely recovering and beginning to accept what has happened. Part of the problem is the hormone treatment. While the dosage is light, since she's not quite at puberty age yet, it's enough to throw her emotions off track even while her body changes to fit the new signals."

"I don't understand," James noted.

"Part of the reason that women are more emotional is hormones. That isn't the whole story, but for Audra it almost is. So many things are happening to her, inside her body and outside. They leave her unbalanced and reactive. She sees that reaction as a failure, but it's a different kind of failure."

"Now you've lost me," Marianne commented.

"Audra, as a boy, was delicate. Yes, he was athletic and good at it, but she also had very fine and feminine features. They bothered her, I think, as a boy. They're a blessing now, she will be very attractive, but she saw them as something that prevented her from being a real man. The incident reinforced that more, that she wasn't cut out to be a man, because if she was, she wouldn't have been made into a girl. Being called 'pretty' by a boy was just another blow to the masculine image that she had strived for. All of that is bad enough, but not being able to handle it 'like a man' was the final blow."

Audra's parents nodded with understanding. "Audra was never a failure as a boy!" Marianne exclaimed, though.

"You two and I know that, but she didn't. Look at Ken," Sheila pointed out. "He's big, he's strong, and he's the sort of guy that boys look at as a role model. I'd wager that girls really go for him."

Marianne nodded, "He's never wanted for dates. He's got a good heart to go with those looks and the girls see that."

"My guess, Audra has never admitted this, is that Audra envied that. To her, Ken was something she was not."

"What do we do? Ken is Ken, we can't change that and wouldn't want to," James stated.

"About Ken? Nothing. The keys to Audra's recovery remain the same as I told you from the beginning. Encourage the feminine, it's already in her. Don't make her feel bad for allowing her emotions to come out. Encourage them; it's a powerful and non-destructive release. She's coming into acceptance and it's important that we get her through this last stage. At this point, let her know that she is as special and as wonderful as her siblings, that what measures her is unique to her."

"That goes without saying," James insisted.

"True, but it's as important for me to reinforce that in you as I do in her. Have no fear, James, the light is as the end of the tunnel and the Sun will come out tomorrow."

Chapter 27: Patterns

"Bobby!"

"Yes, mom?" Bobby Grant shouted in reply.

"Come down here, and bring your sister as well."

Judy turned to look at her guests, the social worker and the two police officers. She tried to find that equilibrium that she had maintained for years, but it was failing her now. Finally, after so much abuse, she had admitted what had shamed her: that her husband beat her and blamed her for the perceived failings in their son. It was a relief, but it left her drained and shaken at the same time.

Bobby and Amy rounded the corner into the living room and faced the adults. The lady, who wasn't a cop, gave Amy a small nod of her head as the two entered. "Hello Bobby, Amy. My name is June Marsden." June told them. Both children nodded politely.

"June is here about your father," Judy stated.

"I know," Amy replied quietly.

"You know?"

"Uh huh. I called her, mom, you wouldn't. Bobby and I can't live like this anymore."

Judy sat back, stunned at the admission. "But, your father..."

"Is abusing us. We hate him, mom, hate him more than you can understand," Amy stated frankly.

"I..."

June Marsden interjected, "We need to establish the physical evidence."

Judy recovered her wits slightly, "What do you mean?"

"I'd like both children examined by a doctor," June told her.

"A doctor?"

"Abuse leaves a pattern that doctors can detect."

"If I refuse?" Judy asked.

June sighed, "Judy, you don't really want to do that, I can tell. However, I have a court order from the courts authorizing it if I need it. You and I know the truth; you have admitted it to us. We just need to have the final confirmation."

Numbly, Judy stood up. "Okay." For Judy, the world that she had known was beginning to fall apart and she was lost.

***

Jason Stewart had climbed out of the pool. For some reason, he couldn't shake his interest in Audra and couldn't keep his eyes from wandering back to her. He knew that Audra had been Aaron, but it just didn't click inside him for some reason.

Before he could start over to the chair that Audra had plunked herself into again, Mike Davidson intercepted him. "Hey Jase," Mike said.

"Mike, what's up?" Jason asked, still looking at Audra.

"Nothing much," Mike responded. "What's up with you and Audra?"

"Huh? What do you mean?" Jason looked surprised.

"You've been following her around all day."

"So?"

"I'm just looking after her."

"Don't worry Mike. I'm not going to do anything to hurt her."

Mike stared at Jason hard. "You've gotta give her some air."

"What?"

"It's pretty obvious that you're interested, Jase, you watch her wherever she goes."

"I don't know what you mean," Jason mumbled.

"Sure you do. Look man, Audra means a lot to me, I don't want her hurt. She's not ready, it's too soon."

"I'm too young to be interested in girls!"

Mike smiled, "Yeah, right. Aaron hadn't got past it, but you and I have."

Jason sighed, "Okay, she's interesting."

"She isn't ready."

"I know. I can't help it though. Who would have figured it?"

Mike laughed, "Yeah, who? She's kind of special, huh?"

Jason nodded as his eyes wandered back to Audra.

***

Dana Clarke sat down beside Audra. "How's it going?" She asked.

"Okay, I guess."

"Jason's interested in you."

Audra sighed, "I know."

"And?" Dana asked.

"I don't know what to do."

"Do you like him?"

"Yeah."

"As a girl?"

"What does that mean?" Audra asked.

"I don't know, I guess. Do you want to kiss him?"

Audra made a face, "No!"

"Why not?"

"He's a boy!"

Dana looked at Audra like she'd grown a second head. "Well, duh! You're a girl, girls kiss boys. Well, sometimes anyways."

"I'm... well, I don't know what I am."

Dana looked at her and then looked her up and down along the length of the chair. "You're a girl."

Audra shook her head. "That's what they say, but I'm not really either. A boy or a girl, I mean. I don't know what I am, but I'm beginning to find out."

Both of them fell silent.

"You're pretty, you know," Dana told Audra as she broke the silence.

"That's what Jason said."

***

Judy fidgeted at the doctor's office, unable to hide her anxiety. She knew that Robert abused the children, mostly Bobby, but a part of her was in denial and she wanted the report from the doctor to be negative. She wanted her life to be what it was like when Bobby and Amy were still little and this process would remove that chance. All day, Judy had been battling these conflicts within her. She started when the door to the waiting room opened.

"Mrs. Grant? Mrs. Marsden? I'd like a moment with you both please," the doctor requested. Both ladies nodded and followed him to his office.

As the ladies sat in the indicated chairs, the doctor sighed. "This is always difficult for me, but I'll speak plainly. I've examined both children and the patterns of abuse are very obvious, especially on young Bobby. Amy's patterns are not as bad, mostly bruising around the arms and back that are fading, but Bobby's are far worse. Aside from the obvious current bruising, for which Bobby has admitted the source, I detected some irregular healing and so had some x- rays done. Bobby has had several fractures that have not healed well, notably several ribs and his left arm. These fractures have obviously not been attended to by a physician and these bones are now permanently weakened as a result."

Judy started sobbing.

"Mrs. Clarke, it's imperative for the safety of your children that this be addressed quickly. I've treated Bobby for his most recent injuries, but if this were to continue he could well end up seriously hurt, perhaps even permanently," the doctor informed her, trying to sound sympathetic as he handed her some tissue.

June Marsden quietly slipped from the room as Judy was trying to bring herself under control. She found the two police officers in the waiting room and told them the basic details. "I think Robert Grant should be picked up," Judy told them, "We have a strong case now."

Chapter 28: Decent Son

Audra and Susie sat together on Audra's bed. It had been a long day and, ultimately, a fun day. Susie handed Audra a bottle of aloe lotion. "You need to put some of this on, you're looking a little red," Susie noted. "I'll do your back."

As Susie was rubbing lotion onto her, Audra drifted over the events of the day. She couldn't understand some of it, especially the reaction Jason had to her. "Why's Jason so interested?" She suddenly asked Susie.

"You're pretty, you're smart, and you're nice," Susie told her.

"But I was a guy!"

"So? You aren't anymore. You never really were all that boyish anyways."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Audra asked crossly.

Susie stopped rubbing in the lotion and leaned back to look at Audra while she tried to think of a way to explain this without upsetting her sister. "Aside from sports, which girls can like too, you just didn't act like a typical boy, at least when you were being yourself. Oh sure, you'd try to show off being tough when other boys were around, but it wasn't you. Even when you teased girls, I could always tell that you didn't want to and felt bad when someone's feelings were hurt. When Ken was younger, he didn't care like that, he was just a typical boy."

"I don't get it," Audra admitted.

"You were more like a typical girl. You did stuff when peer pressure was on, but you didn't always like it. Girls can be like that in a group too, but a lot of us feel pretty bad when someone is hurt by it."

"I guess. That doesn't explain Jason though."

"Maybe the image fits the person now?"

Audra dropped her chin into her hand, a habit she often had when deep in thought. Susie could almost hear the gears clicking away. "A penny for your thoughts?" Susie asked.

"I'm just trying to figure it out. I'm not really a girl and now you tell me I was never really a boy either."

"Why do you keep saying you're not really a girl?"

"Well, I wasn't born this way! I didn't have any choice."

"So? Who has choice? I didn't choose to be a girl either."

"It's different," Audra asserted.

"The only thing different about it is when it happened."

"That's an important difference!"

"Only if you let it be one. Look, you can fight being a girl the rest of your life or you can enjoy it. Being a girl is just as much fun as being a boy. At least you got to experience both, I never did," Susie told her.

"Then how do you know it's just as much fun?"

"Because I watched you grow up, too."

***

Judy Grant started shaking as the police officer opened the doors to the cell block. She had dreaded coming here since she had been told of Robert's arrest, but she had to come. Slowly she walked down the row of cells and looked into the one that contained her husband. He was wearing orange cover-alls and lying on the bunk with his arm over his head. Judy just stared, afraid to speak.

Without moving his arm, Robert spoke. "What do you want?"

"Oh, Robert, I'm so sorry..." Judy whispered.

"You stupid bitch!" Robert shouted as he flung himself out of the bunk. "What do you think you're doing? Are you trying to destroy us?"

Judy backed away. "What changed with you, Robert?"

"Nothing! First you destroy my son, turning him into some sort of sissy, and now you're trying to destroy me!"

Judy broke down and began sobbing. "I don't want to destroy you Robert. I want you to get help. I want you to be the husband that you used to be."

"God, you're pathetic. You couldn't even give me a decent son and you talk about wanting to help me? Get out of here. Go. You're useless."

Judy fled, sobbing.

***

Marianne Wilson picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Judy? Calm down! What's the matter?" Marianne questioned into the phone, shaking her head at James with a worried look. "I see. Do you want me to come over?"

James looked at his wife, surprised. The only Judy he could think of was Judy Grant, and she had never been close friends with Marianne.

"Okay, I'll be right there," Marianne said as she hung up.

"What's going on?" James asked.

"That was Judy Grant, Robert has been arrested."

"Arrested? For what?"

"Child abuse."

James sat back, stunned. "Child abuse? Robert's a mean one, but I never suspected child abuse."

"Sheila did, I told her about the abuse Bobby was giving Audra and she thought it might be symptomatic of child abuse. They moved very fast, surprisingly fast for child services."

"It must have been very serious then. They must have felt that Bobby and Amy were in immediate danger."

Marianne nodded. "I'm going over to comfort Judy, she's quite distraught."

"Shall I wait up?"

"I'll call. I might bring Judy and the children here."

"Hmm... I wonder how Audra will react to that," James mused.

"I'll deal with it if it happens. I'll talk to you soon," Marianne said as she kissed her husband goodbye.

***

Judy was still crying as she opened the door to let Marianne in. Marianne gathered the woman into her arms, "Hello Judy, I'm glad that you called me."

"I'm sorry Marianne, I didn't know what else to do and I thought that maybe you could help."

"I'm not a professional."

Judy nodded, "I know, but I think you'll understand when I explain."

"Where are the children?" Marianne asked.

"They're upstairs, playing or talking I guess."

"Are they okay?"

Judy nodded. "They..."

"They?" Marianne prompted.

"They called Social Services."

Marianne looked surprised. "Why did they do that?"

"It's a long story," Judy sighed. "Please sit down and I'll tell you. Can I get you anything?"

Marianne shook her head as she sat down. "No, thank you."

Judy sat beside Marianne on the couch and leaned back with her eyes closed. Haltingly, she began to tell the story of the day. Marianne listened without interruption, allowing Judy to tell it at her own pace.

After Judy had finished, Marianne asked her the obvious question, "Why was he so abusive towards Bobby?"

"I... Bobby has some issues."

"Issues?"

"He, well, likes to wear girl's clothes," Judy admitted.

Marianne looked surprised. "That's unexpected!"

Judy nodded. "Robert is such a man's man that he was devastated by this, I think. I don't really understand why Bobby does it, I don't think he does either, but Robert thought he could punish him out of it. At first, it was mild."

"I take it that didn't work and didn't last?"

"As Bobby got older and showed no signs of this changing, Robert got harsher and harsher, towards both Bobby and I. His abuse of Amy was incidental. She was just caught in the crossfire. Robert blamed me for having a 'sissy' for a son and his son for being one. Bobby isn't a sissy, but Robert can't see past this issue."

"I'm not sure how I can help Judy," Marianne admitted.

"I was hoping... well, we know about Audra and I'm guessing that some of what she is facing is similar to what Bobby is going through."

"I guess, in a way. Does Bobby want to be a girl?"

"I don't think so. In most respects, he's pretty boyish. I think this is just a thrill for him, something that excites him."

"I know a counselor who might be able to help. Audra is seeing her and she has been wonderful."

"That would be great. I would be grateful for any help," Judy thanked her with relief.

"What's happening with Robert?" Marianne asked.

"He has a bail hearing tomorrow."

"Will he get bail?"

"My lawyer thinks so. Robert can afford it and he's a respected community member with ties to the area. The courts won't think he's a flight risk."

"You can't stay here then," Marianne noted.

"Where else do I go?"

"You three are going to stay with us," Marianne decided.

"I can't impose."

"Don't worry about imposing, you won't be."

"What about Bobby and Audra? They haven't gotten along well recently," Judy noted.

"I think it's about time that they learned to respect each other. I also think that Audra can help Bobby a little. Either way, we'll deal with the fireworks if they arise, but I think this is an excellent opportunity for them both to grow up a little. You have a decent son Judy; he just needs to be given a chance to prove it."

***

James called his children down to the living room after he got off the phone. "Well, we're going to be having some company for a while," he told them.

"Who?" Ken asked.

"Judy Grant and her two children."

"Bobby? Here?" Audra asked. "After what he did to me?"

"Audra, and you the rest of you as well, you need to understand something. Today, Robert Grant was arrested on charges of child abuse. He has been abusing his children and his wife for a very long time. Your mom is with Judy Grant right now and has made this decision. She thinks, and I agree, that the reason that Bobby was so mean to you was to protect himself from his father."

Audra nodded.

"The reason the Grants are staying here is to, first, protect them and, second, to allow Bobby a chance to make up for his actions."

"Okay Daddy, I'll try," Audra agreed.

"I know you will," James smiled at his daughter.

***

Bobby was pretty apprehensive, and getting more so, as the car neared the Wilson's place. Marianne had assured him that he wasn't in any danger from Ken, but still... Amy squeezed his hand and whispered, "Hey, bro, relax." Bobby gave her a nervous smile.

As they pulled into the long driveway, Marianne told them that they'd just go straight in. "I'll send Ken out to get your bags while I show you your rooms and get you settled in," she added.

Bobby hung back slightly as everyone entered the house, but he finally entered at the impatient look his mother gave him. At first, there was no sign of Audra and he relaxed a little, but then he tensed as she came down the front stairs and walked directly up to him.

"Hello, Bobby," Audra said.

"Hey, Audra."

"Welcome to my home."

"Audra... I..." Bobby hesitated. "I'm really sorry! You didn't deserve what I did and I wish like anything I could take it back."

Audra stared at him for a few seconds, her face unreadable, and then gave him a smile that could light a baseball diamond at night. "I forgive you," she said simply as Bobby felt relief wash over him.

***

James tucked Audra into bed as everybody else settled in for the night. "I'm very proud of you, you know," he told her.

"Why?"

"You did a very big thing tonight. You understood and forgave after being wronged and that takes a very big person to do that."

"It wasn't that big a deal," Audra protested.

"Yes it was, but don't get a swelled head over it," James smiled.

"Daddy, can I ask you a question?"

"Anything."

"Was I more boy-like or girl-like before?"

"Before you became Audra?"

Audra nodded.

"Audra, you were you. You weren't macho, but you weren't afraid to be a boy either. You had a tender, caring side even then. Maybe some people don't see that is being manly, but they are wrong. It's hard, though, to be a boy or a man under those circumstances because people don't think boys should be like that. Why this question?"

"Susie told me today that I was more girl-like than boy-like before."

"I suppose that empathy and caring are seen to be something girls are more likely to have."

"So I wasn't boy-like then, not like Ken."

"Ken is Ken, you are you. Why do you want to be Ken?"

"I didn't want to be Ken, just more like him. You know, big, strong."

"Did you know that Ken wanted to be more like you?" James told her.

"Huh? Why?"

"Ken has always loved you and admired you. You're smart and you care. It's not that Ken isn't a smart man, but you took to school like a duck to a pond and he took more after sports and technical things. What Ken saw in you were the kind of traits that could be admired, as people genuinely like you because of you, not because of what you could do for them. Ken has spent a lot of time trying to be more like you for that very reason."

"It doesn't make sense."

"It will. Don't worry too much about what is girl-like and what is boy-like, just be you. I've told Ken that many times as well," James advised.

"I'll try," Audra conceded.

"I know you will. Sleep tight and don't let the bedbugs bite," James kissed her goodnight.

"Goodnight, Daddy, I won't," Audra giggled.

Chapter 29: Respected Member of the Community

Robert Grant appeared in court in his finely tailored suit. He sat at the table for the bail hearing with his lawyer as he watched the Assistant District Attorney and the Social Services worker shuffle some papers and quietly discuss some topic, probably him. Robert stood with the rest of the courtroom at the loud command of "all rise" from the bailiff. Robert groaned quietly as a female Judge entered the courtroom and sat down at the bench, his chauvinism assumed that female judge would be harsher considering the circumstances.

"This is a bail hearing for Mister Robert Grant. Is he here in the courtroom today?" the Judge asked.

Robert Grant stood, "Here, your Honor."

"Good. Please be seated. Mister Bolton, is the DA's office ready to present?"

David Bolton, Assistant District Attorney, rose. "Yes, your Honor, we are prepared."

"You may proceed then," the Judge instructed.

"Your Honor, the Mister Grant is accused of committing spousal and child abuse over a period of several years. Examinations by a doctor specializing in abuse and testimony from the Social Services indicates a severe pattern that has gotten progressively worse and provided sufficient alarm to warrant quick action. Mister Grant has substantial means available to him and has a clearly demonstrated problem with anger such that we believe him to be either a risk for flight or a danger to his wife and children."

"I see. Thank you Mister Bolton," the Judge commented. "Mister Stevenson, your turn."

Alton Stevenson rose, "Your Honor, my client is an esteemed member of the community. He is an accomplished business and family man. While the accusations are, indeed, serious, they are just accusations. My client will, ultimately, prove his innocence but in the time between now and the trial he should be permitted to continue his life and his business. If he was not to receive bail, his entire livelihood would be put at jeopardy."

"While this court is not unmindful of the seriousness of these accusations, we are also mindful of the potential for innocence as well as guilt. Since the accusation is not of a capital nature and the accused has an established reputation in his community, the court hereby sets bail at $250,000. Mister Grant, you are also under order not to knowingly approach within five miles of your wife and children until further notice. You will be escorted by an officer of the court to pick up such sundries as you require from your home and arrangements can be made for you for hotel lodgings if you require."

"That won't be necessary, your Honor," Robert Grant noted.

"Fine. Preliminary hearing is set for three weeks from today. Court is adjourned." The Judge rapped her gavel on the base.

***

Judy got off the phone and turned to Marianne. "That was June Marsden, Robert has been granted bail."

"We had assumed that," Marianne noted.

"He's also under a restraining order and will be staying at a hotel."

"What are you planning to do?" Marianne asked.

"Marianne, you have been wonderful for us, but it might be easier if we're at home," Judy suggested.

"I can't keep you here, Judy, but you are welcome to stay. I think you should stay here for now, at least until Robert has been given a chance to collect some things."

Judy smiled her thanks and gazed out the window to watch the children playing in the pool. "Maybe the children should stay, for now."

***

Bobby and Audra hung off the edge of pool as Amy and Susie continued to splash around. "I guess I don't understand, Bobby," Audra was saying.

Bobby stared at her for a few seconds. "Can I tell you something if you promise to keep it a secret?"

Audra nodded.

"Promise me!"

"I promise, Bobby, I won't tell a soul," Audra told him seriously.

"The reason my father beats me is because he doesn't think I'm much of a man."

"You?" Audra asked, incredulously.

"Yeah, me."

"Why? That makes even less sense."

Bobby sighed, "This is pretty hard to explain, but maybe you'll understand a bit. Do you get the feeling, sometimes, that you're wearing the wrong skin?"

Audra laughed, "Sometimes? Almost all the time!"

"Well, I often feel that way too."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, sometimes I like to pretend I'm a girl," Bobby admitted.

Audra looked at him in surprise, "What?!?" Bobby colored from the reaction. "I'm sorry, I don't mean it that way," Audra told him as she placed a hand gently on his arm. "I'm just a little surprised, I wouldn't have guessed that."

"You won't tell anyone?"

"I said I wouldn't, and I won't. How long have you been doing that?"

"For as long as I can remember. My father never liked it, from the beginning, but he tolerated it at first. After a while, though, he started punishing me. I tried to stop, really, I tried, but I just couldn't." Bobby felt tears beginning to leak from his eyes.

Audra wiped his tears away, "It's okay."

"My father got more and more angry about it. Every time I got caught, he got worse. He blamed my mom too, he'd hit her for it."

"Why did you come after me?" Audra had to ask.

"My father would have been even worse if he thought I was tolerating or even liking you."

"You like me?"

Bobby blushed again, "Yeah. Who doesn't? I'm a little jealous though."

"Why would you be jealous?"

"You got to be something I'm not."

***

Robert Grant sat in the hotel bar getting progressively drunk. Somewhere, somehow, his life had taken a major turn for the worse and he didn't much care for that. He saw the evidence that the State had and it was damning. His own children have testified against him. His children! Despite everything, Robert couldn't fathom why his children would hate him like that, he was just looking out for their best interest, or so he thought.

Robert waved over another drink as the bartender walked up. "Don't you think you've had enough for one afternoon, sir?"

"I'll decide that. It's been a shitty day, don't make it any worse," Robert snarled.

"Well sir, I can't risk our license. I'm sorry, but you can't be served here any further."

"Alright, fuck ya then." Robert staggered out of the bar and to the elevator. He fumbled at the door of the room for a minute before finally fitting the card into the slot. He stared at the bed blearily for a moment before crashing on to it with snores.

***

"I need to check on the house," Judy decided that afternoon.

"Are you sure that's wise?" Marianne asked.

"I think so. I haven't decided if we're going to stay there, but I want to see what damage Robert has done, if any. Is it alright if the children stay?"

Marianne nodded, "Of course."

Judy lapsed into silence, staring out the window at the children again. "Marianne, can I ask you something?"

"Certainly."

"No, never mind, it's too much," Judy hedged.

"Just ask, Judy, I'll tell you if it's too much."

"If anything happens to me, can you look after Bobby and Amy?"

"Judy! Why so morbid?" Marianne asked, surprised at the request.

"I can't shake a feeling. I get them sometimes. I wish I had gotten one before I married Robert."

"Of course we'll look after them, but don't you have family?"

"My parents are both dead, I was an only child."

"Robert's family?"

"They aren't any different than him," Judy confessed. "Robert seemed so different then. I guess I hoped too much."

"If it comes to that Judy, of course James and I will do what we can. It's not really in our hands, though."

Judy paused for a second. "I have to confess, Marianne, that I made arrangements with Social Services yesterday. June Marsden thought I was being needlessly hasty, but I signed the forms that authorized it if something was to happen and you agreed. If you didn't agree, I would rather my children be in foster care than the care of the Grant family. They both have a sizeable trust awaiting their majority. They would be able to land on their feet eventually, regardless of the outcome."

Marianne was taken aback by this turn. "I'm... well, I'm honored in your trust. I wish you had of spoken to me about it first though. However, if James agrees, then it will be. I don't think it will come to that, though."

"I admire your family Marianne. They are wonderful, caring, and generous to a fault. My family was like that once, so long ago. It is the sort of family that my children deserve. I hope to still give them that, but..."

"Enough. Judy, it will work out. Do what you need to do this afternoon and call me or come back. We'll support and help you as long as you need us, you know that. Your children are welcome here and they are obviously having fun. Audra and Bobby are getting along famously now."

Judy smiled, "I'll call you soon." She then left for her house.

***

Robert Grant groaned from the headache that was pounding behind his temples. His mind was still foggy, but he realized that he had passed out on his bed. Staggering upright, he fumbled his way over to the mini bar in his room and pulled out a shot of whiskey. Pounding that back seemed to rebalance his head and make him feel a little more human. Good old hair of the dog that bit ya, he thought to himself.

Robert sat in one of the chairs in his suite and stared at the suitcase still tossed haphazardly to one side. He contemplated the interior of the luggage, the interior that lazy slob of a court officer hadn't bothered to check out. It was Robert's traveling luggage for business and inside was a Colt .45, fully loaded and ready to go. Robert like to have protection when traveling across country by car, he hated flying, so he drove a great deal.

Robert Grant had hit a low. He was enough of a businessman to realize that even the accusations of abuse were enough to sink him. If he was to lose the trial, it would be even worse. His career was finished, he knew it. "You stupid bitch, you've ruined everything," he slurred in anger. Suddenly, he made up his mind and stumbled to the suitcase and ripped out the pistol. He stared at it for a few minutes. "No, that's too easy," he mumbled to himself. He tucked the pistol in his jacket and left his room.

***

Judy Grant surveyed the mess that Robert had made of their bedroom. Oh, it wasn't too drastic, but it was pretty obvious that he hadn't cared about what he had dumped onto the floor. With a sigh, Judy began to straighten the mess.

"Oh, Robert, where did we go wrong?" Judy cried to nobody in particular.

"I'll tell you where you stupid bitch!" Robert's voice came from behind her as he braced his hands against the doorframe of their bedroom.

Judy whirled around in surprise. "Robert!"

"Yeah, Robert, the man you promised to love, honor, and obey. The man you've betrayed several times."

"You aren't supposed to be here, Robert," Judy said, backing up at the rage in his face.

"Fuck that! First you give me a pussy for a son and then you turn around and betray me to the cops. You've been a screw-up from the beginning Judy, I don't know why I married a worthless piece of trash like you."

Judy suddenly stood straight. "You've lost it, Robert. You had a wonderful family with wonderful kids and you couldn't accept them. You couldn't deal with differences and you abused them and me because of it. If there is a failure in this family, Robert, it's you. Only, you're too caught up in your own self-image to realize it."

Robert sneered at her. "Where are they?"

"Who?"

"The fucking children you idiot! That's who!" Robert roared.

"I'm not telling you," Judy told him. For the first time in her life, Judy was beyond the point of fear and into that place from which people drew the courage of heroism.

Robert pulled the Colt .45 from his pocket and waved it at her. "If you don't tell me, I'll kill you."

Judy started at the sight of the gun, but held her ground. "No."

Robert leapt out and smacked her with the pistol butt. Judy crumpled to the ground and felt, rather than heard, the click of the hammer being pulled back against her forehead. "Tell me!" Judy closed her eyes to the harsh command and pressed her lips tight.

Chapter 30: A New Life

All four children jumped out of the pool at the sounds of sirens down the street. Their quiet neighborhood seldom had sirens and it was a major cause for excitement when it happened. They all ran inside to find out what was going on.

"Mom! Mom!" Susie shouted into the house.

"Susie! What's with the racket?" Marianne called out as the children clustered around her.

"Didn't you hear the sirens?" Susie asked.

"I heard them. So?"

"Can we go see?" Susie asked.

"Put on shorts and shoes first, all of you, before you go," Marianne sighed. It hadn't occurred to her the possible cause for the sirens or she may have held the children back. As it was, she watched them grab shorts and shoes as they bolted from the house to follow the noise of the siren, figuring that they were looking for a little excitement. She shook her head and went back to her hobbies.

***

All four ran from the house and listened carefully for the sirens to follow them. It sounded, to them, as if the sirens had stopped and so it did look as if the excitement was in their own neighborhood. They followed the sounds as they led them to Bobby and Amy's street, both of whom were beginning to look more and more apprehensive as they got closer.

"What's the matter guys?" Audra asked them as they jogged down the street.

"It's pretty close to home," Amy told her. "What if it's my father?"

"What would he be doing here?"

"I don't know." Bobby and Amy were looking very worried.

***

Marianne had received no answer at Judy's place and now she was becoming concerned. She was also beginning to doubt the wisdom of allowing the children to follow the sirens. Making up her mind, she jumped into her car and drove towards the Clark's place only to be greeted by a crowd of people standing outside a police barrier that completely surrounded the house.

Marianne found the children, including the very frightened Bobby and Amy at the edge of barrier. She gathered them into her arms and watched the police move towards the house.

"Mister Grant! We know you are in there. The house is surrounded, come out with your hands up and everything will be okay," shouted a police officer through a bullhorn.

The house remained silent as the more police converged on the grounds and the entrances to the house. Suddenly, a shot rang out and the crowd around the area screamed. Marianne pulled the two distraught children close to her and shielded their eyes from the scene.

With the shot, the police burst into the house, weapons at the ready. The crowd waited, almost breathless, for minutes while the police went through the large place room by room. Eventually, the police came upon the scene in the bedroom and an officer appeared on the front porch with the all-clear signal and held up two fingers to the ambulance attendants.

Marianne tried to shield all four children from the next scene to unfold, but it was impossible. The ambulance attendants emerged from the house with their stretchers and both bodies were covered from head to toe. Gasps of shock could be heard from the crowd as parents tried their best to keep their children from seeing. Two children did see, though, and their simultaneous cry of "Mommy!" rang out loud enough for everyone to hear.

***

Marianne and James tried to comfort the two children at the hospital. Audra and Susie were at home, being watched by Ken. Both adults new it was hopeless, but still they waited. June Marsden arrived shortly after, looking very sad and very concerned, accompanied by Sheila Coulson.

"Mari, James, this is June Marsden. June is with Social Services," Sheila introduced.

"Hello June, pleased to meet you," James stood up and took her hand, trying to smile.

"Likewise. Any word?" June asked quietly.

James shook his head.

"Has Marianne talked to you about the arrangements?" June asked him.

"She has. I support her decision," James replied.

Just then, a grim looking doctor emerged into the waiting room. "Mrs. Marsden?" He asked.

June looked up and nodded, "I think Mr. Wilson should join us. Marianne, if you would stay with the Sheila and the children?"

Marianne nodded as June and James followed the doctor.

The doctor closed the door softly behind the two as they entered and sat down. "I'm afraid I have very bad news," he began.

James and June nodded. "We expected that, doctor," James stated quietly.

"Both were pronounced dead at arrival, but we still made the attempt. Unfortunately, both shots were deadly accurate, there really was no chance. I'm sorry."

***

The four adults sat down with Bobby and Amy in the quiet room at the hospital. James cleared his throat several times before beginning, "Children, I'm so sorry..." Bobby and Amy burst out into fresh tears.

James paused while the children were again comforted. "I know that this is a very, very difficult thing for both of you to face and I can't tell you how sorry I feel about this. Yesterday, your mother acted on a sense that she felt and made provisions with the State on your behalf. Part of those provisions were to provide for you if something was to happen to her."

Amy and Bobby nodded. "Does this mean foster homes? Or my father's family?" Bobby asked quietly.

"Not necessarily. Your mother's provision was to ask us to look after you, provided that we agreed to it. Marianne and I have discussed this and we agreed to do so. However, it is only fair that you and Amy also agree. We don't want to force you into anything you don't want."

Bobby and Amy looked at each other, but Amy spoke first, "I would agree, but what about Bobby?"

"What do you mean, Amy?" Marianne asked.

Amy looked at them seriously. "This whole mess happened because of how my father reacted to Bobby. What about Bobby? If he can't be himself... all of this is for nothing!" Amy embraced her brother fiercely.

Marianne smiled at them gently. "I think you know, by now, that our home isn't the usual home," Marianne told them. "We aren't inexperienced with dealing with these issues and I promise you that Bobby will be allowed to be himself without fear or prejudice in our home."

Amy and Bobby both sighed with relief and nodded at each other. James was surprised that Amy was the real leader of the two, he would have picked Bobby. He was beginning to understand the strength of this young girl, she was much like Audra. "We agree, Mister and Missus Wilson," Amy told them with a wan smile.

"I'm Mari and this is James, Amy. I want you both to call us by those names. I also want you to know that you'll be treated no different than our other children. That we'll cheer on your successes, cry over your setbacks, and discipline you when you deserve it. You have a home with us, and it is a home."

***

Audra, Susie, and Ken were waiting when their parents arrived home with Bobby and Amy. Ken had already talked to his father on the phone and had filled in his siblings on the basic events. Both were sad and shocked, but oddly excited about having more siblings their age. Ken just groaned about "more teenage girls and a bratty brother hanging around." Susie and Audra tickled him for that.

As Bobby and Amy entered the house, Audra grabbed them both in a strong hug. "Hello sister, hello brother-sister, welcome home. Welcome to a new life."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Author's Afterword - I wasn't really sure where this story was going to take me. Yes, it "took" me. I was simply the instrument for placing it on to a computer in all honesty. Initially, I tried to draw the story in a certain direction, but it just didn't want to flow that way. I surrendered.

Is this the last tale of Audra? No. I think there is more to tell. We still have Jason and Audra, and what is budding there and what role Mike will play in it. We have Audra who is still learning to grow into her new life. We have the story of Bobby, who should finally get a chance to be his self with his new life. Also, what about school? What about other obstacles? We live in a world in which difference is seen as suspect and reaction can be harsh. There are stories still to be told here.

More importantly, though, I hope you have been entertained.

Hugs, Joanne

Notes:

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Comments

Thanks for a surprising and excellent story

Joanne,

Thank you for a story which needed to be told, and told well. It has been, and sequels, if any, will be written as well as the first five episodes.

Again, a heartfelt *thank you* for your writing ability; I wasn't sure, subconsciously, if you could do the story justice- capture all the emotions at their rawest and display them properly; you did a superb job. I count myself lucky to have read this excellent work by you.

sincerely,
KR
doswin31(at)yahoo.com

Hi KR, this was a repost from the class Big Closet site

I don't write that fast! Just ask anybody about Secret Lives... ;o)

Thanks for the comment, however, but I think the rewrite I did is better than this version. I suspect, if you want to look for it, that the posting of it will begin relatively soon. Mind you, consideration of it being better is a personal opinion, but others have shared it.

Nice to see the early version

I read the revised version orginally and gave it a quick read recently when I saw thee orignial was being reposted.

The revised is tighter and more dramtic -- I would expect that from Aardvark's advice -- but the orignal despite any flaws was a worthwhile read. I do some writing, mostly Whateley Fan Fic, and I felt the earlier version was a good first try.

Audra is a class act as kid in both versions. Should you ever do the follow-up you proposed I will be certain to read it. This was a nice spot to end it, though. A follow-up would have to cover something major, like Audra's emergence into adulthood and her first love affair or mariage to have the emotional impact of this, what with the kidnapping, mutilation, murder and other dramic high points.

Nice to see how a writer evolves.

John in Wauwatosa

John in Wauwatosa