Saturday Silliness!

The Best Lines from the Best American Movies Ever!
(With apologies to Billy Wilder)

for Erin

by Andrea Lena DiMaggio

Straight from The American Femme Film Institute (AFFI), here are but a few of the best lines ever from the best American films of the past eight decades…

“Rhettina, dear, now lookie what you’ve gone and done…. Here it is, Thursday already and you’ve soiled my…unmentionables…I do declare!”

“Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn…”

“Well, don’t you fret none…I’ve got more where they came from, after all, tomorrow is another day.”

Clare Gable and Vivien Leigh - Gone with a Wink 1939

“Mom….’scuse …Sonny…he refuses to wear the camisole and tap pants you gave him….”

“That’s okay, Connie… “I’m going to make him an offer he can’t refuse.”

Marlena Brando and Talia Shire — The Godmother 1972

“Honey…there’ll be another Pageant without Girls next year…It’s okay…”

“You don’t understand…I could’ve had class…I could’ve been a contender…I could’ve been somebody.”

Eve Marie Saint and Marlena Brando — On the Catwalk 1954

“I’ll get you, my pretty…and your little ****, too!”

“I’ve a feeling we’re not in pants anymore…”

Margaret Hamilton and Bertina Lahr — The Wizard of Ahhhs 1939

"Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine."

“Nice to see you again, Miss Blaine…”

“We’ll always have Paris.”

“Yes…Dior and champagne…”

“Here’s lookin’ at you kid…”

Ingrid Bergman and Helen Bogart — Casablanca 1942

“We had a shipment of Wonderbras due in this afternoon, but they seem to be missing…”

“Round up the usual suspects….”

Petra Lorre and Claudia Rains — Casablanca 1942

“Ollie…you look lovely…”

“Here’s another nice dress you’ve gotten me into…”

Laurel Stanley and Olivia Hardy — Daughters of the Desert 1933

“You look gorgeous in that teddy, Toni…wait…what…what’s that under…Oh my God!”

“Say hello to my little friend.”

Michelle Pfeiffer and Allie Pacino — Dollface 1983

“I think the cobalt blue silk off-the-shoulder suits you best!”

“Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to seduce me, aren’t you?”

Anne Bancroft and Dusti Hoffman — The Graduate 1967

“Just relax Ricci, it’ll be over before you know it…one last procedure…”

“Mother of Mercy…is this the last of Rico?”

Unidentified actress and Edna G. Robinson — Lilly Ceased Her 1930

“Let me get this straight…you want me to model your wedding gown?”

“I’ve always counted on the kindness of strangers…”

Vivien Leigh and Arlene Kennedy — A Streetcar named “He’s Hired” 1951

“So your idea is…let me get this straight…you’re going to turn him into a woman and make him your maid?”

“Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer…”

Diane Keaton and Allie Pacino — The Godmother, Part II 1974

“I must say, Ricci…you look so much more relaxed since your surgery…by the way, what’s your new name?”


Talia Shire and Sylvia Stallone — Ricci 1977

“You’re late!”

“A Wizardess is never late, Frieda Baggins, nor is she early…she arrives precisely when she means to!”

Alisha Woods and Dame Ione McKellan — The Sisterhood of the Ring 2001

“Listen, I’ve got the drug…we’ll slip it into his drink, and before you know it, it’s snip, snip and hello, gorgeous!
But what drink to put it in?”

“A Martini…shaken, not stirred.”

Barbra Streisand and Shane Connery — From Siam with Love — 1962

“Our moms say that if we dress up like girls, they’ll give us all mopeds for Christmas. What should we do, Sir?”

"Carpe diem. Seize the day, boys. Make your lives extraordinary."

Uncredited actress and Robin Willams — Dead Poetess’ Society 1989

“Oh…hello…I guess you’re wondering why I’m dressed in your panties?”

“You had me at ‘hello.’”

Renee Zellweger and Tammy Cruise — Jerri McGuire 1996

“Now I’m willing to help out here, but you’ve got to tell me…If I dress you up as a schoolgirl…in which grade shall you be?”

“Elementary, my dear Watson!”

Nina Bruce and Bella Rathbone — The Adventures of Shirley Holmes 1939

“Honey…The doctor called…You’re okay for surgery; maybe as early as next month.”

"Today, I consider myself the luckiest (wo) man on the face of the earth."

Theresa Wright and Jerri Cooper — The Pride of the Hankies 1942

“Damn, it, Charlene…you ruined two more pairs of panty hose and you got ketchup all over my best blouse!”

“Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”

Ali McGraw and Rhianna O’Neal — Love Story 1970

“I’m King of the World!”

Cate Winslett — Titania

“I must say, Samantha…you look adorable in that gown!”

“The stuff that dreams are made of…”

Mary Astor and Helen Bogart — The Maltese Cockatiel 1941

“So what do you want us to call you after…after you return from Denmark, Sir?”


Evie Sloan and Ophelia Welles — Citizen Kate 1941

“I specifically asked for a 36B…this is way too big, nurse!”

"What we've got here is (a) failure to communicate."

Stephanie Martin and Paulette Newman — Cool Hand Lucille 1967

“What was your name before you transitioned, Karen?”

“Bond…James Bond.”

Honor Blackman and Shane Connery — Gold Lame’ 1963

“Excuse me, miss…this is a secure area, and she’s not out of recovery, yet. I’ll need to see some ID!”

“Badges. We don’t need no badges…”

Tammy Holt and Alfonsa Bedoya — The Treasure of Being a Mama 1948

“I was able to get the breast inserts and your gaff for half-off!”

“Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship…”

Claudia Rains and Helen Bogart — Casablanca 1942

“I’m really sorry, but I’m a real girl!”

“Nobody’s perfect!”

Marilyn Monroe and Toni Curtis — Some Like it Warm 1959

“Rizzi…honey…it’s time to go on… Vogue is here for the shoot!”

“I’m walkin’ here…I’m walkin’”

Joann Voight and Dusti Hoffmann — Midnight Cowgirl 1969

“I thought you were a girl…but my god, look at the…you’re magnificent!”

“Mama said life was like a box of chocolates…you never know what you’re gonna get…”

Robin Wright and Tammy Hanks — For Lust of Pumps 1994

“Let me get this straight…you say the ship drifted into a green fog of some kind and you’re all women?”

“Houston…we have a problem.”

Edwina Harris and Tammy Hanks — Athena 13 1995

“One Ring to Rule them…one ring to change them…One ring to take their gender and then rearrange them!”

“My Precious!”

Dame Ione McKellan and Andrea Serkis — The Sisterhood of the Ring 2001

“I’m not so sure about this body swap thing!”

"Listen to me, mister. You're my knight in shining armor. Don't you forget it. You're going to get back on that horse, and I'm going to be right behind you, holding on tight, and away we're gonna go, go, go!"

Henrietta Fonda and Kenny Hepburn — On Gelded Pond 1981

“We’ve just about got the ER set up…you’ll be home in a few days, good as new and right as rain. Your passport looks okay, and the driver’s license, too. You’ll do fine, honey. Are you ready?”

“Go ahead…make my day!”

Helena Guardino and Claudette Eastwood — Dirty Harriet 1983

“I understand you do breast implants for non-op t-girls…Can you do me?”

“Show me the money!”

Connie Gooding, Jr. and Tammy Cruise — Jerri McGuire 1996

“Now, you’re going to feel a needle, and you’ll go off to sleep…When you wake up, you’ll be a girl just like me!”

“I’ll be back.”

“Not if I can help it…. Hasta la vista, baby!”

Linda Hamilton and Arnetta Swartzenegger — The Obdurator 1984

“You might as well get used to it, Joy…it’s over and done with. And you do look pretty!” Joy lifted the band of her underwear and looked down…

“Shane...Shane…Come back!”

Jean Arthur and Brenda DeWilde — Shane 1953

“But I don’t want to be a female impersonator…I don’t want to…”

“Sawyer…you’re going out a youngster but you’re coming back a star…”

Ruby Keeler and Winnie Baxter — 42nd Street 1933

“Surely you can’t be serious!”

“I am Shirley…and don’t call me serious!”

Roberta Hays and Lesley Nielsen — Hair Plain! 1980

“I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!”

“You will, and you’ll like it. I didn’t spend $800 on this gown for you just so you could sit home. We’re going out to dinner. Get dressed!”

Faye Dunaway and Penny Finch — Home Shopping Network 1976

“Sweetie, have you seen Daddy’s suede pumps?”

“They’re here!”

Heather O’Rourke and Cheryl T. Nelson — Pumps are Nice 1982

“I’ve got the black dress you set out for me, honey…Can we eat Portuguese or French tonight?”

“Forget it Jake, this is Chinatown!”

Faye Dunaway and Jacqui Nicholson — Chinatown 1974

“Oh, damn…damn…damn…someone broke into the locker room, and there’s nothing here but dresses and skirts! (sob.)

“There’s no crying in baseball!”

Geena Davis and Tammy Hanks — A LBD of His Own! 1992

“I’m not a girl!”

“Yes you are…!”

“No, I’m not…my name is Tim!”

“No, it’s not.”

“I’m a boy…not a girl! And that’s the truth!”

“You can’t handle the truth!”

Demi Moore and Tammy Cruise — A Few Good Girls! 1992

“I’m sorry…but the amulet is lost…you’ll be a woman forever!”

“I want to be alone!”

Greta Garbo and Melanie Douglas — Trans Hotel 1932

And finally…

“I’ve got several nice corsets…and petticoats…and hosiery…really pretty and feminine…Whatya say?”

“Uh huh uh oooh oohhhhhh ohhh oh ahhhhhhhhhh AAAAAHHHHHH!”

“I’ll have what she’s having…”

Estelle Reiner, Meg Ryan and Billi Crystal — When Sally met Sally! 1989

Next: All-time greatest TG moments in Sci-Fi Movie History!

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