Paul's (and Lina's) Wish The Finale   Why do you love me? I just don’t know what it is… if I did, I’d do it all the time. “I just love you, is all!” I wish this moment would last forever...

The Belladonna home...Atlanta, Georgia...

The two lay in bed; exhausted and invigorated at the same time. The window was open and the night air seemed to wrap them in a nice warmth. The blond; Paulette…kissed the brunette; Lina.

“Why do you love me?” A reasonable question, considering that at one time Paulette was Paul; Lina’s brother’s best friend. She had always felt odd around Paul, as if something was ‘up,’ like her grandmother used to say.

“I don’t know.” Lina told the truth; there wasn’t anything specific she could identify about her love for her new bride. Just a feeling of overwhelming attraction; perhaps she’d discover the reasons, but really, it was because in getting to know the boy her brother loved like family, she found that Paul was one of the nicest people she had ever known. She had regretted almost immediately her attraction to him. She recalled the day of discovery….

Sometime ago...

“Is Tad at home, Lina? I’ve got something I need to tell him.” The expression on Paul’s face was almost sad, even though there seemed to be little urgency in his voice.

“Oh, sorry, Paul…he’s at work until midnight. Do you want me to give him a message, or maybe you could leave him a note?” Lina asked, and a look of disappointment crossed the young man’ face.

He almost looks…no…that’s just silly,” she thought to herself, but she found herself staring. She had never really noticed before; not so much not notice but see him in the wrong light. She had always felt he was soft…just a weak boy; maybe a bit nerdy or geeky, but that wasn’t it. Tad was a computer geek, and there were few guys she knew who looked as attractive as her brother; not that it interested her.

“I guess just tell him I stopped by.” Again, an odd look of disappointment crossed his face, like he needed badly to talk to Tad…to someone…anyone. Lina stepped back and opened the screen door further.

“Hey…come on in and have some tea with me, okay?” Innocuous enough, but the boy nodded almost eagerly despite the sad look on his face and stepped inside.

“Okay, besides not liking yerba mate, what’s going on?” Lina set the cup of black tea in front of Paul and sat down with her own tea, a wry smile on her face.

“Oh…it’s nothing.” Paul said in a near whisper. She had never seen such a disconnect between tone and expression before, almost like they were playing “Opposites;’ a game she and Tad would play as children where you had to guess the opposite mood by looking at the facial expression. It came in handy later on when they both decided to major in psychology in college. But at that moment?

“Okay…I’ll guess….you say it’s nothing, but there are tears in your eyes, so it’s sadness.” Paul shook his head and said, ‘no.’

“Okay…not as emphatic, so I’m getting warmer…I’ve got it…you’ve got a secret, and you need to tell someone.” It was almost uncanny, since at that point it was a real shot in the dark. But it hit home as the young man put his head down on the kitchen table and began to weep. Paul would say later it was the welcome in her eyes that drew him out…that gave him both permission and the ability to open up to her; nearly a stranger even though they had ‘known’ each other for several years.

“Oh…gosh…I’m good,” she said with a laugh, which evoked even more sobbing.

“Oh…Paul…I’m so sorry…I didn’t mean to be glib…. I…” She put her hand on his arm and he pulled it back, but her hand held tight and brushed against his cheek. She knew better than to say, ‘don’t cry,’ and just put her head down on her arm on the table and tried to make eye contact; another skill she would find handy later in life a therapist.

“Paul…please,” she said softly, “What’s troubling you?” Not ‘what’s wrong,’ which would have made it all about a thing, but ‘what’s troubling you,’ which made it all about some hurt or disappointment or lack he felt.

“I have to tell Tad…” His tone said ‘secret’ as she had expected, and the accompanying tear and convulsive shake of his shoulders indicated guilt. Again, she didn’t focus on ‘wrong.’

“Is it something you’re afraid to tell him? Something that you are worried will disappoint him?” She emphasized his ‘worry,’ so it became about his perception rather than the guilt he might be feeling.

“He…he’s my best friend, Lina…” Paul gasped.

“He’s afraid Tad won’t want to be friends with him,” she thought. She knew her brother; nothing could be further from the truth, but Paul didn’t know that.

“Oh, Paul…I’m so sorry…you seem so scared…is there anything I can do?” She was almost positive, but it went beyond that; she felt drawn to Paul at that moment, as if she was the only one who could help. It was the same feeling when she started becoming interested in helping people; a sense of compassion and love that would ultimately bring her to make counseling her life’s work. But at that moment, there was only one human being she felt called to help; an odd way for love to begin, but it was a beginning none the less.

“You…you have to promise you won’t tell anyone.” The look on her face, coupled with the flare of her nostrils, the redness in her face, and the sudden welling of tears in her eyes broke the young man’s heart and defenses and he nodded before speaking…..crying actually.

“I’ve ….I’m not….” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pill carrier.

“What are those helping you with,” she asked softly, her hand still tucked under his chin; he had rested his head on her hand on his arm once again. Not, “what do you take those for,” or “why are you on medication,” which would have been an indictment instead of an invitation. The questions and the heart behind them were always and would always be tender and warm.

“I…so it doesn’t go any further.” “It,” he said with a shudder, almost like it was a monster or a disease that plagued him. She looked at the pills and nodded, as if she already understood. She didn’t know what they were, but she had an idea and took another guess; a disaster if she had been wrong, but again she had some innate sense. It was almost as if his heart had been communicating with hers all along.

“Some are stopping development…and some are promoting….this?” She grabbed his hand and began rubbing it softly, using her fingers to touch his in a near caress.

“They’re soft…very pretty, Paul…and pretty is a good thing, I expect. Please tell me I didn’t hurt your feelings just now.” Paul began to sob and Lina pulled away slightly until he reached out and grabbed her hand and squeezed, pulling her closer once again while saying with a halt,

“No…you didn’t…how did you know?” His voice changed in an instant, as if the voice she had been hearing all along for the past few years had been the pretend and this was the real.

“I don’t really know why, but I just did.” A boldness that she had not anticipated came over here; almost as if the two of them were in some sort of accelerated ‘life’ program. She smiled even as she blinked back the tears she had been fighting since they first began talking; saying with a surprising calm.

“All I know I that I want to help…If I may. May I…Paul?” He nodded and smiled while lifting his head. Once again a boldness overtook her, but she was joined in the new adventure as he leaned closer, almost asking without words. She stood up and leaned close to him, cupping his face with her hands; kissing him gently on the lips.

“May I? Paulette?”

A nod followed by a kiss back followed by talks and hugs and kisses and a life together; perhaps fanciful and unrealistic by some standards, but wonderful none the less.

And back to the present...Drs. Lina and Paulette Belladonna continue their...consultation...

“Why do I love you? I don’t know what it is…If I did, I’d do it all the time. I just do...is all!” Lina said. Paulette looked at her and smiled.

“I know…” She kissed Lina and began to sob softly, but like so many moments since that day when she and Lina began her journey, it was all good.

“I wish this moment would last forever.” She said and kissed Lina who kissed back tenderly and passionately.

As far as I know, that moment is still going on.