Me...Cookie Monster...Me happy to see you. You come here a lot…I bet. Sunny days…sleeping the cares away. Me got story for you…My friend Elma
You see, Elma born a boy, ‘member? Yesssss…….Elmo…that right! You got it!
He was unhappy….Children’s Workshop not cut him in on franchise action. Me take ‘em to court…made separate settlement…keep me and great grandchildren in cookies for lotta time.
Anyway…he unhappy ‘cause he don’t feel like a boy…his momma let him dress up like girl muppet (nice yarn wig and colored lips no make him happy). His daddy run off with Lady Aberlin from Mr. Rogers….she one hot cookie…if I may coin expresshun?
Well, he dressed like girl muppet and he get confused…go into boys’ bathroom anyway…guess who he run into? No…not Big Bird…No…not Ernie….Ernie and Bert gone to Massachusetts …got tired of waiting for Mayor Boombox or whatever his name is. That other guy on TV now promise a lot but have to quit…
No…not Grover…he busy writing stories and spending time as SuperGrover on BCTS ….trans-grover? No…just like spandex, me think.
He run into Oscar the Grouch coming out of boys’ bath room. Oscar very mean…say nasty things about Elma’s wig. Like he doing review on that other website. Too sad.
Anyway…Elma is sad and lonely….but guess what?
Him find out Zoe swing both ways…So Elma ask Abby Cadaby if she help him become a her and she say yes…certainly. (Elma still like girl…not stereotypical t-girl, you know…don’t like tofu or Discovery Channel, but still watch New Yankee Workshop with that Norm guy.)
Anyway…Elma have to go tell Momma and step-dad. Her momma is second cousin to Lambchop and step-dad is (don’t tell anyone I told you.. Rowlf the Dog…It supposed to be big secret since her momma never got married to her dad, and Rowlf is real father…World Weekly Review online)!
Momma say…oooohhhh…I always want girl…someone to wear pantyhose with…never have anyone to go shopping after sad day.
Elma’s grandma died and her Momma spent entire week at Macy’s!
Rowlf say welcome to family, kitten. Why he call her kitten me not know, but most of us used pet phrases…like squirrely and Puppykins….Muppets odd that way!
Elma glad to have acceptance so immediately…not like most kids that way…too bad…Me feel sorry for girls and boys who get stuck with recalcitrant family member. Like when Guy Smiley try to transition and family ostru…ostra…kick him out.
Not worry about other TV people. Diane Sawyer do big interview with Elma just before Abby do magic thing. Shake blond head in sympathy like good interviewer. Elma just happy to have someone who care and nice girl to go home to. Zoe cute that way...
President of PBS all surprised but happy for Elma…give her own special Prime Time before Nova!
“Gender-Muppets — A Study in Transgender Puppetry” Me no understand that…Paula Kerger talk with big words, but have nice assortment of cookies in office!
Elma now studying to become lawyer after she finish her degree in dental hygiene. She very smart girl. Zoe writing novel and guest hosting on The View next week for Joy Behar.
Elma say she very happy to be girl…finally girl within. Actually that true in real life. The person who have her hand up Elma is Gina Policastro; a Muppet-teer and part time voice over for Cymbalta commercial.
Me let you in on secret. Lots of us want to be the girls we are. Maybe you hope and pray for us?
Oh…got any macaroons?
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