Mission: Highly Likely to Fail Big-time, but Hey, What the Hell!

Highly Likely to Fail Big-time,
But Hey, What the Hell!

Memo: Bruce Geller, Producer, Mission Impossible
To: Allie Nicastro, Writer

Allie? What the fuck is this? Just because I promised my sister I'd give you a job. Oh, hell!!

Shooting script: The Boutique

Projected air date: November 13, 1966

(play at your leisure)

Voice over:

Good Morning Mr. Briggs. This is Marta McMahon.

She runs a boutique on 44th and Main which operates as a dress shop and a dressing service for transvestites. We believe that it is a haven for agents of a nondescript (we can't name it because the audience would look it up) Eastern bloc nation. So far we’ve sent three agents into the store, and none have returned. For some odd reason, the state department doesn’t think it wise to just go ahead and do an all out raid on the place, so we’re stuck with this odd contrivance designed to fit 42.7 minutes of air time plus commercials.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it: You must identify the cause of the missing agents as well as check out her fabulous inventory. As usual, should any of your force be caught, captured, force-feminized or castrated, the Secretary will send out for coffee and doughnuts. Good Luck Dan!

* * *

Dan Briggs: (speaking to self)






Oh...Hell NO!

OH…yep….that’ll work!

Agent 99:

Gosh, Dan, that disguise is flawless. I couldn't even tell it was you. The mission is bound to be a success!


Mission, Schmission...I'm going shopping!

Theme from Mission: Impossible
composed by Lalo Schifrin

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