The Last Word...

The Last Word
The Last Lines From Some Not-So-Famous Transgender Versions
of the Most Popular Movies of All Time

featuring your hostesses, Drea DiMaggio and Kristine Roland

Hard to believe, but the studios of many of the most popular movies ever each had a division dedicated to bringing the transgender experience to the screen.
Whether you prefer fantasy or science fiction, magic or real life, nice clothes and nicer bodies, it's all here for you.
Here are just some of the excellent examples of that work...

The 1930’s

Morning, Gary! 1933

She’s programmed, just like we said she’d be. Doesn’t recall being a boy at all! Just Listen."

…And they've got to tell me that I'm much more wonderful than anyone else because, Nellie - Nellie, I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid of being just a morning glory. I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid. I'm not afraid. Why should I be afraid? I'm not afraid."

My Girl Godfrey 1936

But I don’t want to be turned into a girl… I just don’t!

"Stand still, Godfrey, it'll all be over in a minute."


Girly-boy’s Town 1938

Well, like you said, just another bad boy to good girl. I wonder if he’ll ever remember?

"There is no bad boy."

The Witches of Ahs 1939

Do you think she remembers anything at all about when she was Donny Gale? I mean, shouldn’t we be worried if this doesn’t stick?

No, my dear girl, just listen to her…nothing to worry about at all!

"Oh, but anyway, Toto, we're home! Home! And this is my room - and you're all here! And I'm not gonna leave here ever, ever again because I love you all! - And oh, Auntie Em, there's no place like home."

Goodbye, Mr. Chips 1939

Any last words before we start the procedure?

“Goodbye, Mr. Chips, Goodbye.”

Gone with the Wine 1939

You say they turned you into a girl? Gave you something funny to drink? What will you do? What’s your name?

"...Tara!...Home. I'll go home, and I'll think of some way to get him back! After all, tomorrow is another day!"


The 1940's

Pride and Premarin 1940

Doctor. It’s amazing what you’ve done to these boys in such a short time. Who would have thought you could take them and make them…not only women, but women who lust after men…like they never even wanted to make love to a woman… simply incredible!”

"Ah, think of it. Three of them married, and the other two just tottering on the brink!"

The Lady Evan 1941

Now you’re saying you’ve turned your cheatin’ husband into an exact twin of his girlfriend? That he’s no longer a man, but a two-bit blonde floozie?

"Positively the same dame."


A Girl Named Joe 1943

So you’re telling me these two twin girls are actually your daughter and your son? Which one is which

"That’s my girl, and that’s my boy."

Son of Bernadette 1943

Oh, my sweet Auntie Collette… I just love being a girl… I’m so glad I’m no longer an icky boy but your niece….I’m so happy!!!

"You are now in heaven and on earth. Your life begins, oh Bernadette."


Laurence 1944

You can’t just leave me like this, Estelle. You’ve got the stone, and if you go, I’ll be stuck as a woman forever. Don’t go, Estelle, I’m begging you, please!!!!

“Goodbye, Laura. Goodbye, my love.”


My Darling Clementine 1946

Well, now that you’re finally a woman, which name appeals to you most, young lady?

Ma’am, I sure like that name — Clementine."

Escape Me? Don't Even Think About It! 1947

Dear god, Helen…change me back. I don’t want to be your wife. I swear to god,Helen, I can be a better man. I can!

"But I don't want a better man, Sebastian. I just want you."


The Red Pumps 1948

I simply adore red. I don’t care if you get upset. And yes, Louise. I’ve been dressing in your clothes for quite some time.

I wondered why my shoes seem a bit loose.


"Yes, my darling?"

"Take off the red shoes."

Adam’s Apple 1949

Well, Stanley, I think you look adorable, but I’m so happy you didn’t go all the way.

What do you mean, Phyllis?

"Vive la difference."

"Which means?"

"Which means, ‘Hurray for that little difference.’"

In That Good Old Son of Mine 1949

Okay, Rocky, Madame Lysette programmed you and changed you; you have the body of a 16 year old high school girl from Council Bluffs, Iowa… how do you feel?

"Psychologically, I'm very confused, but personally I feel just wonderful."


The 1950's

Hardly 1950

You know, Ellen, now that you’re a girl instead of my best buddy, I rather prefer you!

"Well, thank you, Harvey. I prefer you, too."


Singin’ like Lorraine 1952

I can’t be a girl. I’m Kenny Seldon from Sheboygan. I won’t be a girl. I won’t.

"Ladies and Gentlemen. Stop that girl. That girl running up the aisle - stop her. That's the girl whose voice you heard and loved tonight. She's the real star of the picture. Kathy Selden."

The Star is a Boy 1954

Jeez, Lenny? You think they’ll buy it? I mean, even with plastic surgery, I don’t know if I can pull this off.

Relax, Jerry, they’ll never guess. Believe me.

"Hello, everybody. This is Mrs. Norman Maine."

Right Christmas 1954

Well, they do say to count your blessings instead of sheep. I can’t begin to thank you enough, Judy I just love being your sister. And I owe everything I am to you. Goodbye Billy, hello Betty Haynes.

"Merry Christmas"


The Sojourners 1956

Gee, Aunt Nancy…I feel funny…like I should be…why am I wearing a dress? I feel dizzy….and my hair…it’s….long!”

"Let's go home, Debbie."

Cy O'Hara 1957

But Jack, Danny…Jimmy…I don’t know what to say. Your wives will wonder where you are? What happened to you. Now that you’re Geisha Girl? They’re gonna want an explanation! What’ll I say to them?

“Tell ‘em we said, ‘Sayonara!’”

Belle, Jack and Randall 1958

Oh, gosh…Kimmie…I…I just don’t know, you know? This magic thing? This being a girl is taking a lot of gettin’ used to. Aw, gee, (sob)

"Who's to say what magic is? Oh, Gill, don't you want to stop crying now?"

"I don't think I can. I'm only human."

Nora's Life Test 1959

I don’t know about this, Rog. What if your Mom and Dad come home early. I mean…I’ve never dressed up like this…gee, Tom…I feel funny. —

"Come along, Mrs. Thornhill."

"Oh Roger, this is silly."


Room at the Bikini Top 1959

But Alice…I…please don’t make me wear your clothes. I promise I’ll come straight home from work and do all the cleaning and cooking…and the laundry. Just…I don’t want to be a girl. Alice? (sob)

"Darling, you're crying. I believe you're really sentimental after all."

The 60's

Gyn Me 1962

Mom…I know you wanted a girl…and you like to perform, but did you have to? I mean, I’m a boy…that jerk in the chorus keeps hittin’ on me. Sooner or later he’ll find out. Oh gee, he’s really cute, but until we can afford the surgery? That dream you had…I was a girl? Right?”

"Only it was you and me wearing exactly the same gown. It was an ad for Minsky. And the headline said, 'Madame Rose, and her daughter Gypsy.'"

Gold Zinger 1964

Charlene, come on….let me go…I’ve got to get to work….I love wearing your wedding gown, but don’t you think the handcuffs are a bit much…come on…let me go!

"Oh no, you don't! This is no time to be rescued."


The Prissies of Miss Jean Brodie 1969

Miss Brodie…If we’re good girls, can we stay with you, or must we go back to being boys?

"Little girls, I am in the business of putting old heads on young shoulders, and all my pupils are the creme de la creme. Give me a girl at an impressionable age and she is mine for life."


Femme Cassidy and the Sunbonnet Kid 1969

Don’t worry. I heard they only turn every third fourth guy into girls. I’m two…that would make you….

"Good. For a moment there, I thought we were in trouble."

Midtrip Cowgirl 1969

Dear God, we’ve all turned into women…and very attractive women I might add…what the fuck just happened

"Okay, folks, everything's all right. Nothing to worry about...Okay folks, nothin' to worry about. Just a little illness. We'll be in Miami in just a few minutes."


The 70's

Lois' Story 1970

Well, aren’t you going to apologize? Because you stole that gem from the idol, I’ve been turned into a fourteen year old girl. I look like your daughter instead of your husband…Well, what do you have to say?

“Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”

The Out of Gowners 1970

Gina? Gina…What just happened? I’m …my breasts…they’re….what happened ? Where’s my….



A Closet Orange 1971

So you say being turned into a girl cured you of that nasty…yucky male thing?

“I was cured, all right.”

Arlene's a Fraud 1971

“Phoebe? What’s happening to me? My body is changing…my hands are getting…smaller and my breasts? Oh gosh…oooh…this is so….ohhhhhh.”

“Farewell, Harold. It’s been such fun.”


Wiley Wanda and the Corset Factory 1971

I guess it’s okay… after all, I did want to be a girl. Is there anything wrong with that. I guess I’m a bad boy for wanting to be a girl.

"But Charlie, don't forget what happened to the man that suddenly got everything he always wanted."

"What happened?"

"He lived happily ever after."

Charlotte’s a Deb 1973

Whatever happened to Kevin after he became Charlotte, Mommy? Patty says she’s a writer on some website.

“…She was in a class by herself. It is not often that someone comes along who is a true friend and a good writer. Charlotte was both."

Yolanda Frankenstein 1974

I…Do you still love me…now that I’m a girl? I’m scared Margaret.

It’s okay, darling…let Margaret make it all better!

"No — oh -I don’t believe — oh — ah — oh — oh — oh, sweet mystery of life at last I found you."

Closet Encounters (of the Third Kind) 1977

But honey…won’t you miss me…I mean…if I’m a woman…won’t you miss me?


Who? Her? 1978

I can state categorically that I won’t…I repeat I won’t put on a dress and go out with your brother Johnny.

“Roger? As usual, you’re wrong!”

Being Theresa 1979

How can I go on living. My life is over. Now everybody knows that I wanna be girl, sis. What will I do…I just hate this. My life is over.

“Life is a state of mind.”

The 80's

Flo Gordon 1980

What will you do now, Ray…your…body…you…you…

"I'm a New York City girl. It's a little too quiet around here for me."


E.T (The Eager Transsexual) 1982

Where will you be when I come out of surgery?

“I’ll be right here.”

Reverse of the Gendri 1983

Gee…Nina…I really like your sister, but I don’t know…I just don’t swing that way. Mommy’s girl only likes boys.

"It's not like that at all. He's my brother."


Gold Bustiers 1984

We can get a nice spa day before our surgery, Darien!

“I love this town.”

Lisle's Weapon 1987

Come on, Teddi…my doc does great work….you’ll look like a million bucks.

“I’m too old for this.”

The Princess Bride 1987

Now that you’re a girl, you’ll do all the housework and wash my nylons, okay?

“As you wish!”

The Unbearable Lightness of Being a Girl 1988

You look really good in that, Thomas, the bodice is so delicate…

"Tomas. What are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking how happy I am."

Reborn on the Fourth of July 1989

It’s okay…she’s coming out of it….the surgery went well

“Welcome back, Ronnie.”

Sally's Field of Dreams 1989

Hey Kitten…Dr. Lewis says you can start on blockers….

“Hey Dad?”

“Wanna have a catch?”

The 90's

Prettied Woman 1990

I wish I was a girl, Mom.

This is Hollywood. Always time to dream, so keep on dreamin’


Forgone 1996

How long before your surgery

“Two more months”


The Facility 1998

I thought you said you didn’t like me

Well…that’s before I found out you were really a boy!

"You know, you can be pretty cool sometimes."

"Things sure have changed, haven't they?"


Shana Speer's in Love 1998

Don’t hurt yourself…I know it’s going to be hard…now that you’re a girl I can see it now…

“…It will be a love story, for she will be my heroine for all time. And her name will be Viola."…



Forever Mindy 1999

You don’t seem fazed by the fact that you’re a babe now.

"I realized nothing would be the same. I realized my life had changed. I realized it would be important. I realized you would be forever mine."

The 2000's

Operation 2002

So Paul? Now that you’ve started on hormones, how do you feel?

“I like this. This is good”


On Facebook 2002

How do you feel about breast implants, Jimmy?

“Perfect. Sounds perfect.”


The Matron is Loaded 2003

So how’s it going trying to find a psych to sign off for your surgery, sweetie?

“You found one?”

“Only one.”

The Triplets of Belleville, New Jersey 2003

I can’t fight you any more grandma…I’ll wear the tutu.

"Is that it, then? Is it over, do you think? Hmm?

“What have you got to say to Grandma, eh?"

"Yes, I think that's probably it. It's over, Grandma."

The Agitated 2004

I understand that a lot of boys want to be girls, is that right?

"The way of the future. The way of the future."

Finding Nora's Gland 2004

“I’m trying, Maeve, but I look in the mirror and I still see a plain boy. How do I get past that? (sob)

"By believing, Peter. Just believe."

(whispered) "I can see her."


I'm Hidin' In Tights in the Wardrobe 2005

Quick, ditch the makeup! Dad’s coming.

"What were you all doing in the wardrobe?"

"You wouldn't believe us if we told you, sir."

"Try me."


The Enthusiast 2006

But I’m a boy…I’m not a girl…I can’t be…look at me!

"Everything you have seen is an illusion. It's a trick."

The Breast Glue-On 2010

How did you like your first time in a dress/

“It was perfect.”

And finally

S'Nice 2010

Hey, Tommy…I wouldn’t touch that medallion if I were you!

“What’s the worst that could happen?”

All source material for parody titles from American Movie Classics

All lines in italics actual last lines from source movies.

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