Someone To Watch Over Me...

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Someone to Watch Over Me...


 
There’s a saying old, says that love is blind
Still we’re often told, "seek and ye shall find"
So I’m going to seek a certain lad I’ve had in mind

Looking everywhere, haven’t found him yet
He’s the big affair I cannot forget
Only man I ever think of with regret

I sat nervously at the bar lounge off the lobby. It was my first time out, and I managed to muster enough courage to try to get lost at the convention; lost in a sea of similar folks.

“Excuse me, Miss? Is this seat taken?” I looked up from my crossword puzzle to see the most attractive man I had ever seen in my life. His face was boyish…with a youthful charm; at least no younger than me.

“No…it’s not. Here,” I said quickly, moving my magazine off the table to my purse as I gazed at the empty chair to indicate a welcome of sorts.

“It’s as crowded as I’ve ever seen this place for a Tuesday morning.” He smiled as he looked around.

“Yes…” I bowed my head. I wasn’t used to talking to strangers, much less very handsome men. I shook my head and nodded almost at the same time; a frequent feature of embarrassment of mine borne out of my continuing insecurity.

I’d like to add his initial to my monogram
Tell me, where is the shepherd for this lost lamb?

There’s a somebody I’m longin’ to see
I hope that he, turns out to be
Someone who’ll watch over me

I’m a little lamb who’s lost in the wood
I know I could, always be good
To one who’ll watch over me

“Oh…jeez, yes…the convention. You an ESS-OH?” He asked, but I didn’t understand. Eso? I don’t speak any language other than English; the drawback of an education in a very small town with very limited resources, and I only barely passed Spanish the two years I took it in high school.

“I don’t understand. Eso? What does that mean?” He looked at me and laughed.

“No, not eso, ESS-OH…the letters…significant other? You know? Are you married to one of the ‘women’ here?” The question was both flattering and frightening at the same time.

“Oh, gosh…no…If anything…” I shrugged and smiled, but I was scared almost to the point of being paralyzed; I managed to finish,

“I’d have an ESS-OH….but no. My name is David…excuse me…Denise Ragazzi. I’m one of ‘them.’” I pointed in the direction of a few women posing for a picture. “I wish,” I said, actually wishing I hadn’t.

“Well, you pass well…that kind of face that might suit a boy or a girl… I notice you keep your hands hidden. You really don’t have to… your demeanor detracts from anything you might find less attractive or…un-feminine. Like I said….I took you for a wife or a girlfriend rather than her loved one.” He put his hand on mine and patted it, almost to console me.

I’d like to add his initial to my monogram
Tell me, where is the shepherd for this lost lamb?

There’s a somebody I’m longin’ to see
I hope that he, turns out to be
Someone who’ll watch over me

I’m a little lamb who’s lost in the wood
I know I could, always be good
To one who’ll watch over me

“Please…I’m sorry.” I pulled my hand back and buried it in my lap as he had just described. My face grew red and hot.

“No, I’m sorry. It’s okay. I understand.” He shook his head and went to get up.

“I don’t. What just happened? I’m so ….I’ve never had anyone touch me like that before. I didn’t mean to insult you. I’m so sorry.”

True to form, I started to cry. I haven’t been back to my doctor since she said that there was nothing ‘different’ about me; the usual inter-sexed stuff or the hormonal deficiencies or chromosome things that you read about. I was all male for all intents and purposes except where it really mattered the most; my head and my heart. I felt horrible thatI’d insulted his feelings because he struck me as someone I would love to get to know as a friend. I’d never gotten to know anyone like that and I was so afraid I never would.

“I thought…” He sighed, sounding frustrated.

“I’m…” He spoke slowly, more for his benefit rather than mine.

“I’m….I …” He put his hand on my right hand; it had crept back out of hiding almost on its own. I didn’t pull back

“It’s okay…go ahead.”

“I’m like you…well not exactly…I’m not a guy…I’m a girl…mostly.” He looked down at his shirt before pulling at the collar, briefly revealing what looked like an elastic bandage.

“I like being me…this way.” His eyes began to well with tears.

“You must think I’m crazy.” He said. As odd and ironic as it sounded, I completely understood.

Although he may not be the man some
Girls think of as handsome
To my heart he carries the key

Won’t you tell him please to put on some speed
Follow my lead, oh, how I need
Someone to watch over me

“NO…please don’t say that. If you hadn’t said anything I wouldn’t have even known…I think you’re a very nice….man.” I stumbled over the last word. I had never seen someone so attractive in my life, and I was so afraid I’d say something foolish.

“You mean that? Oh…” He looked away.

“This is so stupid. I …you ever feel like you wanted to be something else, but you couldn’t leave the other part of you behind?” He shook his head as if he’d never be understood.

“You mean like the bandages instead of something more…radical?” His eyes widened a bit and I continued.

“I feel like if I could live like this?” I pointed to myself by circling my heart with my hand.

“I’d be exactly who I should be. But to lose…I feel like an selfish fool for saying this; especially when so many of us want something so different. This,” I repeated the gesture,

“This is who I am…but this,” I pointed below, is what I am.” I looked into his eyes and felt so ashamed; not feeling like I fit in; so abnormal in the normality of the unaccepted. He grabbed my hand and held it.

“Yes….that’s what….just like this.” He pointed to his chest and down below as well.” I started to cry again.

“I’m….Charlie….Well, Charlotte Danielson. Dave? Please don’t cry…it’s really okay.” Her...his eyes had teared up again, almost as if by crying he might persuade me to stop crying myself.

“We don’t quite fit, do we?” I stammered, unable to stop crying. What a fucking baby….what a blessed girl I am…I was so confused until he put his other hand on top of mine and gazed into my eyes.

“From where I sit? We….we…” his stammer nearly matched mine and his tears as well as he finished.

“I think we fit just ….fine.”

“May…May I call you Charlie?” I blushed as I wiped the tears from my face. He put his hand on mine again and smiled.

“So long as I can call you Denise.”

Won’t you tell him please to put on some speed
Follow my lead, oh, how I need
Someone to watch over me

Someone to watch over me



Someone to Watch Over Me

words and music by
Ira and George Gershwin
as performed by
Linda Ronstadt
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O2rTQWjKcz8&feature=fvwrel



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