Passing Tones, Chapter 9

Printer-friendly version
I stopped dead in my tracks. Standing there across the essentially empty lobby was the woman I loved; looking at me with what I desperately hoped was forgiveness in her eyes. Her face started to brighten when she saw me, but then she quickly suppressed that reaction as she tried unsuccessfully to appear disinterested.
Passing Tones
Chapter 9

by Jillian Marie


 

I closed the distance between us and greeted her, “Cindy.”

“Hi Kyle,” she replied. “I’m sorry…”

I cut her off before she could finish her statement, “I know. Me too.”

The brightness in her eyes that I had caught a glimpse of when I first entered the lobby returned, multiplied by a factor of ten. She smiled at me and said, “I know I should have told you before. I was wrong. I…” her voice faded as she found it difficult to continue with her thought.

“It’s okay, really. I’ve missed you so bad. I can’t stop thinking about you.” For the first time ever in our relationship I found myself taking the aggressor’s role as I moved in closer and encircled her in a gentle hug. As I did, I could feel her melt into my arms and although she was trying not to let me hear, she softly cried on my shoulder.

We stood there for who knows how long. We finally found ourselves being surrounded by several members of the orchestra who seemed to be deriving some strange sense of voyeuristic pleasure from watching as we held each other. Their presence provided the impetus for us to leave the performing arts center. After departing from there, we walked around campus awhile before heading back toward the apartment building, where we stopped in front of my door.

“I’ve missed you horribly,” Cindy said for the umpteenth time that evening.

“Me too,” I replied. I unlocked and opened my door, took her hand in mine, and led her into my apartment. She took a seat on the couch while I went to the fridge and got us something to drink before joining her.

I took a drink from my glass before speaking, “Cindy, I think you know that I love you. You also know that I was hurt by the fact that you wrote about me without my prior knowledge or consent. That, to me, is a problem.”

“You have every right to not trust me right now,” she replied.

“However, if there’s one thing I’ve learned these last two weeks, it’s this,” I paused and took a deep breath before continuing. “I’ve learned that the best day I could possibly have without you pales in comparison to the worst day we could ever share together.” I then held open my arms to take her into a hug, which she very quickly reciprocated.

Time seemed to stand still for us that night, as we spent the entire time entwined in each other’s arms. We talked, we kissed, and tried to catch up on all the time we’d wasted in the last two weeks. We explored and reveled in each other, deriving more pleasure from making the other feel good than would have been possible if either of us had been more concerned with their own satisfaction. When we did finally go to sleep, it would have been difficult to tell from looking at us where one person ended and the other began.

Monday morning came and went without acknowledgement on our parts; it was well past noon before we crawled out of bed. Once we had emerged from sleep and showers, we sat together at the kitchen table and ate a very late breakfast.

“Kyle, there’s something else I’d like to talk to you about if I could,” Cindy said as she took a bite of her eggs.

I swallowed before responding, “What’s that?”

“I wanted to talk to you about Sarah,” she said.

I looked at her, unsure whom she was meaning at first. Then it clicked. “Your friend from the recital?”

“Yeah,” she said. “I think you’d really like her if you’d give her a chance. She’s kind of like the psychology department mom.”

“I’ll give her a chance, really.”

“Then can we go see her this afternoon?”

“I don’t know why not.”

Once we’d finished eating we got dressed and headed over to Sarah’s place. She lived a little off campus in a house that she shared with a couple of other girls, neither of whom Cindy knew beyond their names.

Cindy rang the doorbell when we got to the house, and after a few seconds the door opened and Sarah invited us in, “Hey guys. Good to see you.”

She led us into the living room and offered us seats on the couch along with cups of coffee, which we readily accepted. Moments later she was returning with cups and saucers on a serving tray which she set down on the coffee table before handing each of us a cup and saucer. “I know Cindy likes hers black. Do you need any milk or sugar Kyle?”

“No, this is fine,” I replied, trying not to sound cool. After all, this was one of Cindy’s friends and since it was important to her that we manage some sort of civility I was going to give it my best shot.

“You know Kyle, I’m really sorry about the other night,” she said. “I didn’t realize you weren’t aware of her research topic.”

“I kind of know that now,” I replied. “I flew off the handle a bit without any real provocation. I’m sorry as well.”

She held out her hand in friendship, “No hard feelings?”

I shook her hand replying, “Absolutely not.”

She looked at my hand as she shook it and as she released it commented, “Nice manicure. Did you do it yourself?”

I turned about thirteen shades of red before Cindy jumped in, “He grows his nails longer to force him to keep his hands in the proper position while he plays. I got onto him a while back about not taking care of them and showed him how to file them and apply nail strengthener. I think they look really sexy.” Her last comment did nothing to cause my blushing to fade.

“That they are,” Sarah agreed.

After some inconsequential small talk Cindy stood up, “I need to use your little girls’ room, okay?”

“Well, yeah.”

As she was walking toward the bathroom Cindy said, “That’s good, because I wasn’t really asking permission.” She entered the bathroom, closing the door behind her.

We sat there silently until the door closed, then Sarah asked, “So how long have you worn women’s clothing?”

I looked at her stunned for a moment before trying to mount a denial, “I don’t…”

“Listen Kyle, I know you at least were wearing a bra the night of your recital. I saw its outline through your shirt afterward because of the perspiration.”

“I…”

“Hey, it’s no big deal really. I’m just more likely to notice things like that, or your manicure because gender issues is sort of my subspecialty.”

I sat there looking at her, unsure what I should say. Finally she continued once she determined that I still wasn’t ready to add much to the discussion on this topic.

“If you ever need to talk to someone, just give me a holler.”

Still unable to speak, I nodded my reply. Cindy then rejoined us, “I miss anything?”

“No, I was just starting to tell Kyle about my specialty in gender issues.”

“I know I’ve found that to be a very interesting subject,” Cindy commented.

“My family still thinks I’ve gone off the deep end, but it’s something that I feel very strongly about.”

Finally regaining use of my mouth, I asked, “Why? That doesn’t exactly seem like the kind of thing most people would be interested in.”

She took a sip of her coffee before responding, “That would be because of Jill.” Cindy and I looked at each other questioningly as Sarah continued, “Jill was the love of my life. She also happened to be transgendered.

“She was killed a few years ago in an auto accident, just as things in her life had started to turn around for the better. That was just about it for me as well, but once I’d finally made it through the worst of the grieving I decided to go back to school so I could help others like her.”

As I turned my gaze toward Cindy’s friend I caught her eyes, which seemed to say to me, “I’d like to help you if you need it.” I gave her a crooked smile, which I hoped conveyed that I understood and appreciated her offer.

She then said, “You still haven’t told me. How long have you been dressing?”

My gaze dropped to the floor in embarrassment, but Cindy placed her fingers under my chin, raising and turning my face toward her. “It’s okay,” she whispered to me.

I steeled myself before responding, “A few months. I started this past fall sort of as a way to help me with my performance…”

Sarah jumped in, “Kinda like the young pitcher who wore garters in ‘Bull Durham’?”

Cindy and I couldn’t help but break out laughing at the comparison. Sarah quickly joined in and it took a couple of minutes for us all to regain our composure.

Finally I was able to continue, “Like I said, that’s how it started. Here lately though things seem to be kind of changing.”

Cindy turned and gave me a concerned look. She asked, “How so?”

I returned Cindy’s gaze and responded, “It’s just sort of occurred to me lately that if it were just because of the playing, I’d probably wear something besides panties all the time. I can’t remember the last time I wore men’s underwear.”

Sarah asked, “So do you think you’ve developed an attachment to women’s under things?”

“Yeah, I do,” I answered quietly. “I’ve been thinking about this a lot the last couple of weeks. I…” the thought went unfinished as I wasn’t entirely certain what would come next.

Sarah filled the growing silence by saying, “That’s okay Kyle.”

Cindy added, “Kyle, I get the feeling you’re a little uncomfortable talking about this with me here. Is that correct?”

“It is, but I’m not sure why.”

“I think I understand. I’m too close to the situation to be able to think objectively.”

“Maybe that’s it. I don’t know.”

Sarah asked, “Is this something you’d like to explore?”

I turned toward Cindy who said, “If it is, Sarah can help you with this far better than I could and it sounds as if she’s willing to do so.”

My gaze alternated between the two of them while I thought. Eventually I reached a conclusion, “I think so, yes.”

“All right, how about if we set up a regular time each week to meet and talk about this? Say, Saturdays around noon?”

“That sounds good,” I replied. Cindy gave me a hug and kiss on the cheek as a show of support.

Sarah changed the subject, “I thought you played brilliantly last night, by the way.”

“Thanks. I felt pretty good about it, all in all.”

“So what’s next?”

Cindy jumped in, practically glowing with pride as she said, “Kyle’s been asked to appear on a monthly basis with the Conservatory Orchestra, as well as with both the Civic and the Philharmonic this spring.”

“Wow! Sounds like you’re well on your way then,” Sarah commented.

Some time later Cindy and I left Sarah’s house to return home before it was time for me to see Dr. Caroll for my regular Monday lesson. We gave my mom a call to let her know the latest developments and much to my surprise she seemed genuinely happy to find out that much of what we had thought was going on turned out to be a misunderstanding. Furthermore, mom was actually pleasant with Cindy on the phone. Maybe she was warming to the idea of Cindy being around?

Lesson time began with an in depth dissection of Sunday’s performance. By the time Dr. Caroll was done tearing every little thing apart I was beginning to think a career in underwater basket weaving might be in the cards until she reached the end of her tirade, “All in all, a great first performance in front of an orchestra.”

I sat there stunned. After all, she’d just spent a solid half hour going over my performance with a fine-toothed comb and had left no stone unturned in her critique, leaving me with the impression that I’d done horribly. Despite that, she contended that all in all I’d done well. In the end, all I could think of to say in response was, “Thanks.”

Dr. Caroll then ploughed ahead with the list of works that would need my attention in the coming months. “Dr. Wyler brought me next semester’s list and I must say we are going to be busy. In January, you’ll be playing Beethoven’s 4th concerto with the Conservatory Orchestra, then in February you’ll be performing Prokofiev’s first with them as well as both the Mozart and Beethoven with the Civic.”

I just looked at her for a moment while she paused to take a drink of water. “You mean I’m supposed to perform three different concerti in the month of February?”

“You look a bit overwhelmed, but it’s really not going to be as bad as it sounds at this moment. After all, you already know the Mozart and you’ll be first performing the Beethoven in January, so the concert with the Civic won’t require any new material at all.”

I started to relax just a bit when she reminded me of that, and since she could tell that she continued, “March sees you playing Liszt’s first here, then in April you get Chopin’s second. May will be JS Bach’s first Harpsichord concerto here, and a repeat of the Liszt with the Philharmonic.”

I was stunned and excited at the same time. I mean, I knew this was what they had in mind for me, but actually hearing it all? When I finally managed to respond, I quipped, “So I guess I get to sleep in June?”

“Only if you decide not to do the concerto competition circuit this summer,” Dr. Caroll replied with a grin. “If you think you’ll be up to it, I can put together a summer full of competitions.”

“Can I think about that for a few days? I’d like to have a chance to start working on all these before we start scheduling that far out in advance.”

“I suppose we can hold off on starting the applications for a few days. But some, like the Van Cliburn need to be submitted soon if we want to ensure a spot for you.”

By the time our session was over, she’d talked me into submitting applications to a few of the bigger competitions right away rather than waiting. This meant that in addition to my hours of practice every day, I was going to be filling out lots of paperwork as well.

On my way out the door Dr. Caroll handed me a stack of forms that I needed to bring back completed on Thursday for my final lesson of the semester. Between them and the books containing all the different pieces I was to be learning, I was quite loaded down as I headed down the hallway to start my way home.

I’d only taken a few steps toward that end when I ran into Dr. Wyler…quite literally. I didn’t see him step out of the business office until it was too late. I bumped into him, dumping my entire load on the floor.

“Kyle! So sorry, I didn’t see you there,” he said as we both bent down to begin picking up my load.

“No, I’m sorry sir. I wasn’t watching where I was going. It was entirely my fault.”

He picked up the stack of application forms and set them on top of my books saying, “So you’re going to apply to the Van Cliburn? You should do well.”

“Thank you sir. I hope you’re right, but before I can worry about that I have a lot of music to learn,” I said, gesturing toward my stack of books.

“You’ll do fine. I have complete faith in you. Now, I’d love to stay and chat, but I need to get going,” he said before leaving me standing there.

As I once again began my way home I couldn’t help but think about how strange Dr. Wyler always seemed to me. The truth was, the man kind of gave me the creeps and I wasn’t entirely sure why. All I knew was that when he was nearby, I always felt like I needed to be on high alert.

I kept telling myself it was all my imagination, but I didn’t really believe it.

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Piano Concerto No.12 in A Major, kv.414
http://server3.pianosociety.com/protected/mozart-kv414-1-bko...

Ludwig von Beethoven, Concerto No.4 in G Major, Opus 58
http://server3.pianosociety.com/protected/beethoven-58-1-hu.mp3
http://server3.pianosociety.com/protected/beethoven-58-2-3-h...

Sergei Prokofiev, Piano Concerto No.1, Opus 10
http://server3.pianosociety.com/protected/prokofiev-10-1-arm...
http://server3.pianosociety.com/protected/prokofiev-10-2-arm...
http://server3.pianosociety.com/protected/prokofiev-10-3-arm...

Franz Liszt, Piano Concerto No.1 in E flat Major
http://server3.pianosociety.com/protected/liszt-pc1-1-2-hu.mp3
http://server3.pianosociety.com/protected/liszt-pc1-3-4-hu.mp3

Frederic Chopin, Piano Concerto No.2 in F minor, Opus 21
http://server3.pianosociety.com/protected/chopin-21-1-odoan.mp3
http://server3.pianosociety.com/protected/chopin-21-2-odoan.mp3
http://server3.pianosociety.com/protected/chopin-21-3-odoan.mp3

Johann Sebastian Bach, Harpsichord Concerto No.1 in D minor, BWV 1052
http://server3.pianosociety.com/protected/bach-bwv1052-1-set...
http://server3.pianosociety.com/protected/bach-bwv1052-2-set...
http://server3.pianosociety.com/protected/bach-bwv1052-3-set...

Notes:

Readers, Please Remember to Leave a Comment

Want to comment but don't want to open an account?
Anyone can log in as Guest Reader -- password topshelf to leave a comment.


 
To Be Continued...
 

up
74 users have voted.
If you liked this post, you can leave a comment and/or a kudos! Click the "Thumbs Up!" button above to leave a Kudos

Comments

great story

I've really enjoyed every part of it and just wanted to thank you, and encourage you to post more.

Squee!

Cindy and Kyle are together again! Yippee!

I think I've used up my quota of exclamation points.

Greaaaaaat!!!

I have just read your story from chapter 1 thru 9 without a pause. I am now completely addicted to it and hope that it won't be too long before the next chapter.

Let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start...

I just started to re-read this series, after reading something in the latest installment that made me think I must have "missed something". This story is certainly well-written, and the characters are sketched in boldly. It's also educational; I blush to admit that I had never quite "clicked" on the fact that étude implies that a piece of music was intended as a "study" to improve or demonstrate technique. I suppose that's what comes of studying French at high-school, but not music.

Best wishes, Andrea.

Best wishes, Andrea.

Another wonderful tale

I have enjoyed this story very much as it has progressed. I am always impressed by how lifelike and fully formed your characters are. That was especially true when Sarah mentioned her friend Jill and I was immediately transported back to your incredibly heartfelt story Changing Keys. You have a rare gift and I will forever be a fan.

Kindest regards, talon

wonderful series

I really enjoy the depth of your character and insight into music. Its a shame your web tags for the music no longer work. When I first read this it added so much knowing the difficult pieces he was learning... Jackie Anna