Through the years: Tracy emerging part 22

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Both of them looked at Tracy, standing there in her bright pink nightgown, her hair done up in pigtails, as she stood there. When she spoke, her voice trembled. “Please stop fighting.” She pleaded.

“Tracy, we...we are not fighting.” Her mother started to say.

“You were both yelling.” Tracy's eyes filled with tears and it could be heard in her voice when she spoke. “Vance and I both heard you.”

“You're right, we were fighting.” Her father agreed. He gave a big sigh and moved to his youngest, and put an arm around her. “There are times that parents will fight. But that doesn’t mean that we hate you. Or Vance.”

--SEPARATOR--

Once again, the big thanks for the editing go to Djkauf

--SEPARATOR--

December 27th 1982

Tracy lay in her bed after the stressful but fun day she had. She didn't mind the shopping, in fact she loved it. She could have done without the Doctor's appointment, or even that talk from her mother. But it was bound to happen. Now the stress was coming back. It was bound to happen, too. She could hear her parents, doing the one thing all parents seem to do around the holidays. Argue.

She could hear the sounds of them raising their voices, but she couldn't hear what was being said. Quietly she slipped out of bed, unaware that her brother was also awake. She stood up and he put his legs over the side. He held a finger up to his lips and then hopped down. The two of them moved out of their room and to the kitchen. As they got closer, they could make out what their parents were saying.

William let out an annoyed sigh. “No Maggie, I'm not saying she shouldn't have anything nice, but she just got back from Livermore and the amount of money we're spent on those gifts from Christmas for both of them, plus the therapist, it adds up!”

As their mother spoke, they could hear a hint of anger behind the voice. “William, she needs that therapist! After what she told him in that office, I'd rather have her seeing someone before she kills herself, and if we force her to be Troy, that's what will happen!”

Tracy could feel Vance staring at her now. He had never been informed of the conversation that happened in that office. She had kept him out of the loop, mostly because she wasn't sure what he should know.

They could hear as their father tried to force his voice to be calm. It still came out harsh, but it wasn't a yell. “Maggie, I am not saying she doesn't get to go, I'm just saying we've spent a lot of money the past couple of months. We already got most of the credit cards maxed out. I know it's not all been just due to Tracy. But we have spent a lot of money in the past month or two.”

“Well it would be unfair if Tracy got more then Vance did! And I did my best to make sure I didn't do that!”

“I know.” Their father grumbled.

“And we couldn't help some of those bills!” Maggie angrily stated. “No one knew Tracy would get attacked!”

“I know that, too! Thank god the Military took care of some of the bills that the Medical insurance didn't get.” William agreed, with more bite in his voice then he intended. “But taking her shopping today? How is that fair to Vance? And after the money we spent on her so far? It just seems like a lot.”

“Aren't you planning on taking him camping for a week this summer?” Maggie replied.

“It's not the same!” William snapped back. “We have most of that stuff. But you bought how many new bits of clothing for Tracy? She just got some on Christmas.”

“She bought some of that.” Maggie replied.

“But not all of it. I saw the credit card slips.”

It wasn't the first time she had heard her parents argue about money. She doubted it would be the last. It was about her. That wasn't something new either. Each time her mother spent money on them, her father got angry. Normally, she had nothing she could do. But this time she made a choice.

Tracy went back to her room and fished around in her purse and pulled out the wallet to get at her money. She went back to the kitchen door where Vance was still listening to their parents, then she passed him and went to their bedroom. She knocked on the wall by the door, then stepped through the curtain that served as their door. Her father was near the bathroom door, dressed in flannel pajamas, while her mother sat on the edge of the bed, wearing a long nightgown.

Both of them looked at Tracy, standing there in her bright pink nightgown, her hair done up in pigtails, as she stood there. When she spoke, her voice trembled. “Please stop fighting.” She pleaded.

“Tracy, we...we are not fighting.” Her mother started to say.

“You were both yelling.” Tracy's eyes filled with tears and it could be heard in her voice when she spoke. “Vance and I both heard you.”

“You're right, we were fighting.” Her father agreed. He gave a big sigh and moved to his youngest, and put an arm around her. “There are times that parents will fight. But that doesn’t mean that we hate you. Or Vance.”

As William hugged Tracy, Maggie looked to the curtain that served as their bedroom door. She could hear him sneaking closer to listen better. “Vance, come on in here.”

A few moments passed, then Vance walked in and Maggie got up and hugged him. “We're not mad at either of you.”

“But you were arguing about us.” Vance pointed out.

“We...we were arguing about money.”

“But about it being spent on us.” Vance stated.

“Yes.” William nodded. “We've got a lot of bills and after Christmas, money is tight. We're just a bit shorter then we hoped for.”

“We may have to cut back on meals for a while.” Maggie said.

“We'll stop eating?” Vance asked.

“No. You get a lunch at the school. That's taken care of. But we may be eating Mac and cheese for a while.” Maggie replied. “We do have that meat from Lilly, but there won't be a lot of snack food in the house for a while.”

“Oh.” Vance replied.

“We'll all make sacrifices.” William said.

Tracy held out all the money she had received at Christmas. With her free hand, she took one of her father's hands and turned it over, palm facing up, then she placed her money down. “It's around one hundred and sixty dollars. I kinda spent some of it today.” She looked up him, tears still in her eyes. “I want you guys to have this. It can help buy food.”

William lowered his head and shook it. “Baby.”

“Dad, take it.” Tracy said. “You need it more then me.”

He took the bills and placed them in her hand, then slowly closed her hand around it. “No. This is your money. Money you earned for working so hard. I can't take that away from you.”

“But you need the money?” Tracy raised one eyebrow in confusion.

“We just need to cut back on the spending for a while. But I don't need the money enough to take it from my own children.” William stated. “Besides, you may find something you want when you go to visit that Doctor next time.”

“If it costs so much, maybe I should stop going?”

William let go of her and dropped to one knee, to get a better look at her face. “No. You need to see him. What kind of parent would I be if I forced you to stop doing something that was going to help keep you safe.”

“But it cost money, right?” Tracy asked.

“Yes. But for that, it may be covered by insurance. The gas to get down there is the hard part.” William leaned in and kissed his daughters cheek, then he stood up. “Now you two need to get to bed. I've got work in the morning, so does your mother. I promise we'll talk more about this tomorrow.”

“Yes Dad.” Vance said as he slowly stood up.

“Okay Dad.” Tracy said.

~o~O~o~

December 28th 1982

It looked like it was Troy who left the house that morning. Or at least, for a ways off, it looked like Troy, but it wasn't. Tracy wanted to go for a walk. She needed to stretch her legs and think, but after her attack a month earlier, she wasn't going to tempt fate too much. So she put on a pair of pants. Only a close look at her ankles would have shown a ring of pink flowers, plus one on each butt cheek. She had on her usual female undergarments, plus a blouse, but due to the cold, she wore a thicker coat that covered her top. Her hair was styled so it was gender neutral.

She went to the road in front of their house and began walking down it, traveling at a very sedated pace. After her attack, and the rain, she decided to stay out of the fields. As she passed her Grandparent's place, Vance fell in step next to her.

“Hey.” He said.

“Hey.” She replied back.

“Troy, or Tracy?” Vance asked in a whisper.

“Guess.” She looked at him with a wicked smile and he cocked his head to one side, then shrugged.

“Troy?”

“Wrong.” She stopped long enough to lift a leg of her pants up to show him the flowers. “Plus there's cute flowers on the butt, too.” Then she opened up her coat to show the blouse she had on.

“Is that safe?” He asked as they started walking again. “Being out here in the open?”

“Maybe, maybe not. But after being in the mall yesterday, I'm just so tired of being Troy everywhere.” She replied. They stopped at the top of the hill that lay between their Grandparent's place and Lilly Scott's house. Tracy turned around, not feeling up to the extra stress of walking up and down the hill.

Vance stayed with her. He had thought about the topic a few times before, ever since his Grandmother made him wear women's clothes for a while. “Guess I can understand that. I'd hate it if I had to be Vanessa all the time. Hated wearing that stuff. I'm a guy, I know that. And if you say you're a girl and a doctor or two can back you up, who am I to say differently.”

“Was it all bad?” Tracy asked. “Wearing all that stuff, was it all bad.”

“Not some of it. I mean going to the bathroom in a skirt is easy, just lift, adjust and aim.” Vance said with a huge smile.

Tracy stopped and looked at him in shock. “You were supposed to pull the skirt up. Not just lift it enough to pee. What if you would have hit the skirt?”

“Nah, it's too big for that.” He rubbing his knuckles on his shirt in a proud fashion.

“I don't need to hear this.” Tracy stated. “We are so not getting into a discussion of your body.”

“What about Sage's then?” He gave her a huge smile. “How big is her chest?”

“Not listening!!!” Tracy held her hands to her ears and began chanting. “LALALALALALA.”

Vance waited a few moments, till she stopped, then he looked at her and all the humor seemed to wash away from his face. “Hey, is it true what Mom said last night? About you saying you were going to kill yourself?”

“Kinda.” Tracy replied. They slowed the pace up as they passed their house and she put her hands in her pockets. “The more I can be myself, be Tracy, the more it hurts me to be Troy.” She looked over at him for a moment, then down the road. “And if I had to go back to being Troy, full time, I'd rather be dead. I hate who I am when I'm Troy.”

“I thought you said you did this to relax. To act as though there was no Dad, or me.” Vance stated.

“At first, I thought that was true. But the more I can be myself, the more I realize that I was hiding from myself. I was afraid.”

“Afraid of what?” Vance asked.

“Life.” She simply replied. One glance at her brother told her she had to expand on the reason. “I was afraid of losing the love of my family. Before Mom and Grandma found me, I hid it from them because I thought no one would understand. I used being Tracy to unwind. At first Tracy was a single girl, with a working mother. Once Grandma found me, I kept it up. But then Tracy was that chance to get away from you still and from Dad.”

Tracy stopped and turned to face her brother. “See, I knew you wouldn't take it well, and you proved that. But then you pulled your head out of your ass and look what that got you?”

“A sister who has cute friends?” He smiled at her.

“That too.” Tracy nodded. “But you got a sibling who is more sure of herself. See, when Dad found out, I was ecstatic that I could be Tracy at home full time. It was then that I realized that Tracy was a bit more than just a release.”

“I don't....I'm lost.” Vance admitted.

“I was hiding the true part of myself. I hid Tracy. At first from Everyone, then just you, Dad and Grandpa. But mostly I hid her from myself. Now I am who I should have been, with a few minor problems.”

“Like the boy bits?” Vance asked.

“That's part of it. No boobs either.” Tracy nodded at him. They turned around and began walking to the house. “I mean I still got to be Troy for school. And that sucks.”

“Yeah. I saw how you were at Christmas. It was nothing like that morning.” Vance said.

“Part of that was because I knew we'd have to deal with Johnny and Alex. And I was set to help you do the dishes.”

Vance chuckled. “Man, I about shit myself when Amber said they had to do it.”

“Oh, I know. If I had known, I would have been using a new cup each time I got something to drink.” Tracy smiled at him.

“Would have served them right.”

“After last year? Yes it would have.” Tracy agreed. “But each time they called me a girl, you know how much it hurt to not agree with them. To not just go home and put on my nicest skirt and show off my legs?”

“I can imagine. I mean if I had been in those clothes Grandma made me wear, I would have given anything to be able to say 'I'm a boy!'”

Tracy smiled brightly and pointed a finger at him. “You get it. You understand. I was that girl, hiding in boy's clothes and I was too scared to say, even to myself, 'I am woman, hear me roar.'” She turned her attention back to the road as they walked. “Now I just wait for the time where I can be Tracy full time.”

They walked towards their house. “You know, this all causes one major problem.” Vance stated.

“What's that?” Tracy asked.

“Well, according to the TV and movies, now that you're my little sister, don't I have to kick the ass of any guy who talks to you?”

“Well you can try.” Tracy replied. “But not Peter.”

“Okay. But if he kisses you, then I have to.” Vance stated.

“Why?”

Vance leaned over and hugged her. “It's in the big brother handbook. Section seven, dating and siblings.”

She leaned into the hug and let him hold her. “Thank you, Vance.” She said.

~o~O~o~

December 29th 1982

Tracy woke up in the guest bedroom of her grandparent's house, wearing one of her favorite nightgowns. She stretched and swung her feet off the bed. She had decided to stay at her Grandparent's house so she could help clean. She was slowly getting back into her cleaning chores at both houses. She still moved slowly, but not as slow as she was a month ago.

She took care of the call of nature and made her way to the kitchen, where she found both her grandparents sitting at the table, each with a part of the local newspaper. Her grandfather had the sports section, while Modine worked on the Crossword puzzle. Tracy stopped at the table long enough to give both of them a kiss and hug, then she went to the stove to prepare breakfast.

Modine looked over, glad that her granddaughter was getting back to what she loved to do. “You need a hand, sweetie?”

“No, I got this.” Tracy said with a smile. “I think I'll work on the kitchen and dining room after this, if it's okay.”

“Oh, it's okay, just don't over-do anything.” Her Grandmother said. “I know it was hard, the whole bed rest thing, but please, take your time.”

“I'm okay, Grandma.” Tracy replied. “Besides, I need to move and get my muscles back into working shape.”

“I understand, but realize that you are not our slave.” Modine said.

“I know. I like to do this.” Tracy answered her and she opened up the 'fridge to grab the eggs. “It's this or hang out with Vance. This wins hands down.”

“Hey now, he's gotten better.” Her Grandmother replied. “I watched the two of you walking and talking the other day. I haven't seen you two like that in years.”

“She's got a point.” Her Grandfather spoke up. “He's been getting better when we work too.”

“Okay, he's not that bad, but when all he does is ask about Sage, it's getting old.”

“Ah, the joys of siblings.” Conner said with a grin.

“Yeah, tell me about it.” Tracy grumbled.

~o~O~o~

December 31st 1982/January 1st 1983

The night was going great so far. Tracy's favorite group had been on the TV a bit earlier, and she was waiting for them to make their second appearance. The evening had been a good one. Both of her parents were home. She had already got the calls from her friends about the Go-go's being on a New Year's show. She was tired, but she had to watch.

Her brother was glued to the TV, watching one of the many rock bands. Her parent's were in the kitchen, taking in hushed tones. She knew they weren't fighting, mostly from the girlish giggle that came from her mother. Tracy was on the couch, with Peter by her side. She had managed to convince him to stay at the house for the night. But with two boys in the house, she had to convince her parents that she'd be in a different room, so when everyone went to bed, the couch was to be her bed again, with Peter taking over her's for a night.

She had sat close to him all night, only getting up to dance to the bands she really liked, despite the warnings from her parents to take it easy. But as the countdown started on the TV from forty, her parents came back in standing by the fireplace. She felt Peter lean close and she leaned against him. The ball kept dropping till it got close.

“Ten!”

Their attention was no longer on the screen. Peter took Tracy's hand in his as they sat on the couch. They could hear the people on the screen counting down to the new year. Peter's heart was beating like a drum. He was so close and he knew that if he were to do what he wanted, this was going to be his one chance.

“Nine!”

“Eight!”

“Seven!”

“Six!”

Behind them, Maggie and William had already stood up and embraced each other. This was a tradition of theirs. Maggie believed that a kiss as the clock stuck the new year helped to strengthen a relationship. As the clock wound down, they kissed and held it.

“Five!”

“Four!”

“Three!”

Peter placed a hand on her cheek and she turned her head to face him. He leaned in close to her. He couldn't help but smile at how happy she had been.

“Two!”

He leaned closer, determined to not shut his eyes. He could see the reflection of the TV in her eyes. He could smell the shampoo that she used and the cherry lip balm she loved to use. One arm went behind her back and he pulled her closer.

“One!”

His lips were less then an inch from hers. Her eyes began to shut as he gently pressed his lips to hers. The people on the TV screamed out “HAPPY NEW YEAR!” And it was followed by cheering, but the two kids were lost in their first kiss.

It was awkward, mostly because neither of them had any experience kissing. But something about his touch made Tracy relax, and tense up in some parts of her body at the same time. She opened her eyes to see him, then saw that both her parents were watching them. Her Mother gave her a smile, but her Father looked unhappy. Tracy broke off the kiss, then turned to fully hug Peter.

He leaned into the hug and whispered gently in her ear. “Happy New Year, Tracy.”

--SEPARATOR--

Tune in next time to the start of book 3: Through the years Two against the world. It picks up where this one leave off and answered those tough questions.

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Comments

a kiss

finally Tracy gets her kiss from Peter,Niece end to this part of the story .
I can hardly wait for book three to be posted.

Hugs Roo

ROO

Nice Resolution...

...(pun intended).

Good scene with Tracy and Vance. And the money discussion was interesting and revealing.

From the title of Book 3, the answers to those tough questions sound pretty ominous. We know from chapter 20 that there'll be photos of Tracy showing up at school when it reopens.

Eric

Thank You

Thank you for writing a what I think is a well written coming of age TG tale. I'm looking forward for the next book:)

Through the years: Tracy emerging part 22

Wonderful way to end the book.

    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine
    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine

Very Well Written

This has been one of the best stories on this site! I look forward to the continuation into book 3. Well done

Debra Sue

Thank you

Raff01's picture

I enjoy hearing that it's good, but to say one of hte best, now my heart soars to hear that. I know there are a few that I feel I pale in comparison to, but I am enjoying writing this and thank you for reading