My Super Secret Life-17.
I took the bus home curled up into the back seat after the worst day of my life.
Sunny’s the Superhero Titan and able to change from girl to guy. She was just one of the hottest girls I’d ever known and since her change she went from being this slutty kind of girl to being this smart and engaging person.
You think you’re in love then…something happens with that one you’re with that just floors you in how awesome they really are.
So I opened up to her…took her to a party where I got to be the real me. Alexis…not Mathew, Mathew’s a suit I’ve had to put on.
I’m a freak or I feel that way sometimes.
Daddy’s little girl wants her daddy’s love and attention but she doesn’t want to actually be a girl.
Like I said a freak.
I did all of it so make he might love me, but the real me? The boy who’s a sort of girl who wants a whole other life other than football and the frats and then business classes.
But with Sunny…I let her into my world, and Ty…Titan…I gave him my virginity….it meant as much to me as it does for any Bio-girl…I’ve head this in for so long that…that I wanted it to be special.
It was the greatest thing…God I felt complete…I felt real, not like going out and playing dress up at being Alexis but me…Ty…it made me feel real. For the first time in my life I was me in the world.
Yeah I was freaked, thrown, scared shitless really.
The thing is went you feel that real…life gets real right back. The thought of me going away, going back into hiding was claustrophobic. I needed to think and Sunny was pretty good that way…and I’m a wonderful liar, I had managed to talk my way back into being Matt…I could do this…we could do this.
We started to make love again and that’s when she told me about Sonya.
Hurt, no it was like getting kicked in the heart. It’s stupid, really stupid but I thought Ty was a virgin too. And then…then Sunny….how long ago was this!?
That hurt worse.
Yeah…it kinda felt like it.
I freaked out and shit just came out. I’m not even sure of the crap I said but I was angry and god…just so…all for a wild adrenaline fuck? A wham bam thank you ma’am things that likely let her feeling like crap too…I thought I was falling in love with a better person than that.
So now we’re done…broken up and it might not have happened if she hadn’t said it first.
“We’re breaking up are we?”
It was just so much easier…to say yes, to run from them and the hurt and….
And then I get stopped…put through the third degree…after that kind of break up and my body hurting, sore deep inside and that wasn’t a lingering thing of the pleasure now but of regret…I wanted the special…and I’m bruised from his fingers and there cum leaking into my underwear and I look like hell, smell like…and I’m interrogated, and questioned, retina scanned, printed and once I’ve signed enough papers my hand was sore that was it.
Man-yana freak… no they didn’t say that but…it felt like it.
Worst walk of shame in history.
I stayed curled up on the bus until I got home and walking home…shit my dad was there watching the guys from the dealership adjust the antigravity basement on his new Aero-lamb. (Lamborghini.)
He stared at me and so did the guys from the dealership, the neighbors watch dad getting his new pride and joy and I walked as stiff and tough girl as I could into my house.
I never new outside could get that pin drop quiet.
Mom was next and she just stared at me too.
I was halfway up the stairs when my inner strength ran out and I was doubled over crying…all the way to my room. You ever lose it and cry so much so uncontrolled that it hurts to breathe…that your diaphragm hurts from the sudden abnormal amount of abuse you’re putting it through?
I cried until I think I hyperventilated, or passed out but it was me…it this room dedicated to someone who wasn’t me…crying out the hurt…hell wanting to die really it was that bad.
And nobody came.
I’ve never felt so alone in my life.
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