Stage fright? Are you kidding? Yeah... I know I can do it, but can 'she' do it and cut it instead of him? Let's see what real people think eh.

I've been a bit absent for a while, whole buncha reasons, but there's a glimmer of light on the horizon so I feel able to sit and scribble. Sunday afternoon, sun's a shining and the weather is Fine... This sort of follows after 'Busking' but is not exactly a sequel. Just a spiritual follow on if you will. Read that if you're interested but it is by no means essential. I hope a few think this is okay

This is a work of adult fiction. No resemblance to reality should be inferred or expected.
Copyright KLS 2012.

~Sydney Australia in the recent past~

Ah, so the practising the playing the planning and yes the spending of a bit of hard won. Damn, it comes to this... can you do what you do and be you or do you have to go elsewhere and try something different? Some question.

"So you. Yeah, it comes to this... Miss...or is that Mizz, hah, yeah I reckon Mizz suits better, I missed the Miss thing by an accident of birth so yeah, Ms it is. Wonder if I can get away with a single name, yeah me and Beyonce, Nuh, I don't think so, I suspect we diverge politically just a smidge. Hmmm, so I guess it's time to see if image trumps ability. Hell I already know the answer to that one. Question is can I make a go even allowing for the 'not quite cute enough'. "

Mirrors really don't do well as sounding boards in case you were wondering. Apart from... was it Snow White, they have a tendency to be very close mouthed buggers. Or Bitches maybe, do mirrors do gender? A fantasy philosophy question, jeezuss you are crazy.

A wave of regret and sadness washed through like a wave, as time lost and chances blown and anger and pain mixed with a chill of fear. The shiver shook me loose and I looked again at that mirror. The old scraped and chipped frame found in a demolition recycle place that 'he' had wandered into one lonely Saturday afternoon.

Lost and alone and trying to get a life together in a small flat with nothing but a bit of gear and a bean bag. Not for the first time the question as to whether the pub job picking up glasses would survive the advent of 'her' wandered in and squatted like an Occupy protester.

Then if this night worked maybe 'she' could get a few gigs and it wouldn't matter. Shit, yeah and if you were a sexy sixteen year old bean pole that could sorta sing you might take what people offered and believe what they said. And who was more screwed? Damn you are being philosophical this evening.

Still one thing about Op shopping for furniture, you learn what a bit of sandpaper and glue can manage. A nice little cafe setting type dining thing. Two chairs and a round table. A bed frame with some new castors... shame about the old futon mattress, but lumps were liveable, stains minimal and she weren't no princess to worry about bleedin' peas.

Yeah 'she'. Stop doing the 'he' thing. You've blown years and lost time and if you don't the fear and regrets will kill you, so suck it up princess. Hah, yep me and Mary Donaldson, doubt some bugger with a black Amex is gonna take me away from all this. Christ he'd probably be some psycho macho prick with a horse that did nothing but bite and shit everywhere. Holy crap girl you do have a weird mind, gender fundamentalists meet the Princess bride. Damn.

So where were we? Oh yeah. Open Mic. The one major regret was the loss of the old Tele. Sold to finance a bunch of stuff and even if it was the holy grail player type instrument and to hell with the snotty collectors, I mean seriously was any old bolt together guitar worth fifty grand no matter who played it? Not bloody likely.

That still hurt, but on the bright side it financed a few purchases and some clothes and things bought online. Australia might be a wonderful place but it really lacked in niche business. Not enough bodies, economies of scale and all that. So clothes that had some style and really fit a long body were few and far between. Yeah you can get by most of the time, separates and careful selections where sizing is not critical and sometimes even 'guy' stuff where it was suitably unisex.

I might not be the most girly girl type but I do like stuff that fits right and looks good and at least makes a statement about who I am. Not that my forays into the wide world thus far have mattered really. But time waits for no girl or something, so this is it kid.

What's that bloody Bowie song... Ch Ch Changes... yeah well, not really, but then I'm in here. It's the other buggers looking on you have to worry about isn't it. Sure, they might be strangers and it doesn't matter, but if you have to live and survive and... well just be.. in the world outside the door yeah it does bloody matter.

Sigh of relief that long fit cute little leather jacket from that pommy website had turned up and.... it actually fit and looked pretty darn cool. The little ankle boots from the US were fine too. Hey the Gods must be smiling or something. That nice soft royal blue jersey dress a friend had donated should do nicely. Scoop neck and the calf hem, a nice plaited black belt suitably hinting of girly rock chick, and then she does Gershwin. Huh, Alannah Myles or was it Melissa Etheridge, Somebody give me some water.. with a pinch of black velvet, whoo hah. Maybe that scarf with the subtle stripes and hint of glitter, yep that'll work. Tights or bare... and jewellery? Decisions decisions.

But.... I wanted the Tele back. Yeah right, no way was that gonna happen. Gone and refitted with vintage bits and painted and sold at triple the price as gen-you -ine one-nine-six-four Fender Tele-caster with a B-yoo-tea-full refinish in the O-rig-ee-nal blonde translucent finish. Look at that oak grain. Shit. You don't know what you've lost till it 's gone... oh hell you don't, but needs must or some crap.

So you read and ponder and try to learn and wonder, can I do that? Put a guitar together from parts. Okay it won't be the 'One' but at least you can with a bit of care and effort get close. Well close-ish. Near enough's good enough right? Ummm. Sigh, it will have to be.

Light? Yep that's dear, One piece Sthn Swamp Ash with nice grain and vintage spec. Wonder do they have trained gators to go out and fetch the logs? Weird mind alright. Matching neck. Assorted parts to fit the style and look. Hey I have the pick ups so that's a saving...cough. Soldering iron? Hell I know I have one somewhere.

Talk to the nice man in the paint shop. Danish oil with some stuff called terrabine mixed in to aid drying time. Get Cabots the luthier guy suggested, so I did. Took the recommendations off the website forum where there were a lot of suitably nutty but nice guys mostly to offer advice and opinions. The opinions were sometimes a bit eye rolling but then the world was like that wasn't it.

Paint, dry, sand and repeat. Took a week hanging on the balcony by a coat hanger hook. A dozen coats and only a few little hairs and marks to growl at. Sorry, I meant pout at.

Drill neck holes, gulp. Phew... is that straight?? Oh thank God. Tuner screws. Oh Fuck it all to hell!! You little bastard screws..... oops, sorry. Shit that maple is tough stuff. Now what did I read about snapped screws? Ah, okay. Mini plug cutter from a piece of brass tube, Hobby shop off cut and some wood filler.

Oh thank you God... hmm, you and I need to talk one of these, but thanks all the same. I was not a happy bunny there for a while. Not even visible. Then maybe it was just the assembled knowledge on an internet forum, the old been there done that, mysticism be damned. We still need to bloody talk though. What's your number again? Hey I try not to burn bridges okay. I mean I might want to play nice in about fifty years so I don't piss on the old spiritual thing out of hand. Pragmatism thy name is woman or maybe that's just me. Oh sure.

Took a few weeks but all good, strung up more or less where desired but I don't have the tools or the skill. So local guitar repair guy to cut the nut and dress the frets. A decent but cheap soft case and a bit of a fiddle with the intonation and I know why Leo changed from a butt end to head stock truss adjust. That pull the pickguard thing is a pain in the bum, but it does look cooler. Over a few days.... ahhh, that's not bad. Might not be a lived in oldie but it'll do. Besides if I bomb this..... well suffice to say minimal investment is good. It was a fun challenge anyway. Girl power.. ya dopey shit.

Oh fucking hell. If my hands tighten up anymore I won't be able open the car door let alone play. Well assuming I don't get laughed off before I even get there. Okay then ya dozey cow, lets do this.

The car was parked in a hopefully safe spot. Puppy gave me a look as I climbed out and I opened the door to give her a chuck under the chin and kiss on the nose. Oops sorry pup, vintage plum is not right. Wet finger wipe. Oh holy hell, do butterflies come in condor size?

Check the gaps in the window, quick scan, nothing visible worth stealing. Fluffy kiddie might even deter if they didn't look at her face and know she was a teddy bear. Sigh, get on with it. Grab the bag. Huh, gotta get used to that one. Matching too, now don't roll the eyes girl, this shit matters.

Guitar shoulder sling and the gear bag with Street cube and stand and mics. Keep it simple but good and have your own stuff.

" Wish me luck Bub, won't be long, promise." She'll be right for a couple of hours.

Puppy grinned at me and then settled as I turned away. She didn't give a crap what my name was and that had helped me stay alive.

The girl doing sign ins smiled and looked me up and down. I'd wimped out slightly and driven a bit across town to the Marlborough in Newtown, a bit of a gay centric area, lots of female type gay persons and a general bohemian feel. But still enough regular types to give you an idea of the wider world reaction, albeit slanted by inner city trendiness and University diversity.

"Oh Hi... yeah that's me there. Umm, how long?"

"Hey Kristina, looking good girl. You're number four of six so about half an hour. That's number one about to kick off. You need anything at all? Got your own stuff by the look but there's an amp there and a CD MP3 hook up if you need it. "

She was looking me up and down appraisingly and didn't seem put off.

"No, I'm good thanks, got a little Amp, Guitar and stand with Mic so all self contained, thanks." I tried to be cool and nonchalant, but I suspect I fell short just a touch. The stammer might have given me away. Nervous? Nah.

She reached out and touched my arm in a friendly, hey relax, way.

"Don't worry, even real shit acts don't get too stomped on here at these things. I some how doubt you'll be shit so don't sweat it huh. Wednesday nights are pretty mellow and who knows, you may just get a following. Lanky chicks like you do okay, but might depend how you swing." She grinned and laughed mouthing a 'relax' as she turned at a call from the bar. I missed the name.

Ever noticed how a long glass of lemonade lime and bitters is dry as all shit and not very long at all when you're nervous as hell and trying not to look or think or notice anything. Dumb or what, but you had to be there or something.

Then over the PA, my mate from earlier calls... " Right then Peoples, we have a lovely lanky lady called Kristina up next. She's doing a solo to a nice old classic and I know she's a little nervous so give her a hand as she sets up and then I have a feeling we're gonna enjoy. Come on up girl."

Oh Fuck. But I did manage to walk across and not stumble. Took a moment as a whistle or two and some applause wafted about to set the little amp and the settings. The stand adjusted and hook up the sennheiser, check the cable and plug in. Strum a couple and another adjust, switch to the neck pick up and tone down a pinch. Hum into the mic to check the levels. Okay. Then I look out and there's people looking at me and I'm on a little stage and yeah okay I've been here before but 'I've' never been 'here' before.

"Haven't figured out yet what you got there honey but play us something eh and we'll see" A female voice from the back, loud and with a touch of what are you mixed in. Or maybe that's just what I heard. There was a ripple of laughter and a bit of jeering but nothing heavy. My throat didn't go completely dry.

"Well... ah... I guess to some extent what you see is what you get. I've done this before but I haven't exactly done this before. So I'm a little nervous, I hope you like this. It's a version of the old Gershwin thing Summertime and even if Sydney hasn't dished up a Summer so far maybe this will help huh."

There was a whistle or two and some applause as I strummed a few gentle chords and did a bit of humming to the melody.

" Hey I don't care what you got, buy me drink huh and hum me to sleep after." Some guy called from the right side of the room. He was grinning so I let it flow.

"Nah, that's not how it works hon, you buy me a drink then I decide if you're gonna buy me dinner and then maybe I'll hum to you later."

There were cheers and Oh Yeahs from the girls in the place and the guy laughed and raised his glass. "fuckin mercenary bitches, fifty fifty then?" The whole place laughed and I was suddenly relaxed, the tension was gone and my hands moved smoothly.

The intro chords and picking flowed...... " Summer- time... and the livin is easy.... fish are jumpin'..... and the cotton is hi---gh..... " it flowed just as it should and my voice was smooth and the pitch was good and... just maybe.....

Whistles and cheers and applause. The woman in the back called out... " Fuck girl I don't care what ya got under that dress, I'll buy ya a drink." That got the cheers up a notch and my boy friend from earlier chimed in, "Hey wait your turn, she might be straight." That got another round of cheers and applause.

My lady friend at the back called again, " Hey Tina, she got time for another?"

The lady that checked me in nodded to some more applause. Yeah okay they were a fun crowd and a little pissed and having a laugh, but damn it felt good to me.

Things went quiet as attention turned my way. " Oh, okay I hadn't planned more than one but something I guess... well it's Feb so coming up on this one so a reminder to the SO's out there, treat your girl right eh. Bit of old style romance never hurt anyone."

I suddenly had a blank and strummed aimlessly hoping for divine intervention, yeah okay God I shouldn't mock, so just give huh. Don't be a bastard.

I laughed at myself then and there it was, " this is for the lovers out there...." some gentle fingerpicking and semi smooth jazz styling.... "My funny Valentine.... Sweet comic Valentine...... You make me smile......... " It flowed nicely and felt great and got a nice round of gentle applause and some more whistles as the closing notes trailed off.

"So then red, which way you swing then boys or girls? Does he buy you a drink or do I?" My lady friend at the back called as my boyfriend stood and straightened his shirt. There was gentle laughter and some cheerful betting.

I turned back to the mic, .."ah well I have a girl waiting for me..." the whistles and cheers drowned out any response so my boy bowed to the fates and my lady raised her glass and cheered.

Just as I finished packing my gear Tina wandered up and said, " Not bad girl, we have your number so if you fancy a show some night, as long as you can do three forties over a three hour you can come back. Call me tomorrow okay."

I looked up and thought frantically, oh shit, can I do this, will my voice work... Oh crap..... " Okay thanks, I'll call you tomorrow"... I looked around the room and smiled... "Yeah... might be fun."

Tina nodded and headed away with a smile, making a note on her clip board.

Oh yeah...... I stuffed the gear in the back and opened the car door so she could jump out and bounce about, maybe have a pee. "Hah, ya big kid..."

I danced slowly and sung quietly to myself as she relieved herself on the grass verge... "Somebody bring me some water, Can't you see I'm burning alive. Can't you see my baby's got another lover.... Oh dear, wouldn't the guys at the pub be disappointed. Hey Bub, ya miss me, I had a great time, let's go home huh."

The tail waggled frantically and she leapt into the back seat as I reopened the door. Had to get a lick or three as she stood on the front seat before jumping in the back as I slid in laughing.

Hey, full moon, Creedence anyone.... ? Nah tonight was too good for bad moons.

Comments, questions or criticisms welcome. Just be Polite eh.