Our State Fair, by Karin Bishop

Part 2

While they prepared supper, Mom told Terry her thoughts. “I think I said it’ll be two decisions. The first was yours, and even though we both knew the answer, it had to be said.”

“Yes, it did,” Terry nodded, stirring peas. “I felt this …weight lift off me.” He frowned. “Don’t really know what it was, and I didn’t really know I was carrying it.”

Mom grinned. “You know what that weight was?” Terry shook his head. Mom’s grin warmed. “That was Terry-the-boy lifting off of you. Like a burden. Like a heavy backpack and now it’s gone. So you feel better …lighter, maybe.”

Terry nodded. “Good way to put it. I still can’t get over …well …everything!”

As if to punctuate the statement, Terry brushed some hair behind his ear with a feminine gesture and giggled.

Boys, the thought hit Mom out of nowhere. Never had that problem with Alice. But once the boys see Teresa … That would be for later–much later, she decided.

Mom explained to Terry how she wanted to handle things so that Dad would make the second decision–the one to let Terry live as a girl in preparation for the week of the fair.

“He’s going to think like you did, that you can just put a dress on for the week and that’s it. But you’ve got to trust me; I have to ease him in on this my way.”

“I know, Mom. I’ve seen you handle him. Like the time about the new washer?”

Mom grinned. “You noticed that, did you? See; that just proves you’ve always been a girl. Males are too blind to see the manipulation, but women always know.” She frowned, thinking. “Come to think of it, Alice didn’t notice; she just said, ‘Hey, you got a new washer?’”

Terry put a hand on his mother’s forearm and gave her a direct look. “Mom, what else would you expect your first-born son to say?”

Mom returned the look and then nodded. “My womb must be so screwed up …” she murmured and then laughed. “But I got a wonderful daughter out of it, so I’m happy! I think those potatoes are about ready, don’t you?”

As Mom had planned, Terry remained in the kitchen while Mom went out when she heard the back door slam.

“Wash up for supper,” Mom called out as she always did. “Maybe wear something nice?” She left it hanging and went back to the kitchen.

Dad and Alice didn’t think anything of it but complied, washing up and then changing into shirts and jeans, figuring Mom had a special dinner planned for some reason.

The table had been set when they arrived and sat. Mom came out of the swinging door and stood like a hostess.

“Frank, Alice …” Mom waited until she had their attention. “Today we discussed problems that have come up with my trip to the fair this year.” She held up a hand. “First let me say, Frank, I completely agree with you. On all counts.”

He was obviously surprised; he glanced at Alice and then smiled sadly back at Mom. “I’m sorry, honey; I know how much the fair means to you. If there was any way you could work it out, I’m for it 100%.”

Alright! Mom thought, keeping her demeanor. Thank you, Frank. Your own words will help us all, hopefully. Well, time to dive in …

“I’m glad to hear you say that, Frank. Because I said I agree with you on all counts. Farm work does come first. And you really do need Alice working with you, instead of some temporary hired hand that you have to spend time training–and then constantly look over his shoulder.”

Frank nodded. “I’m glad you understand. It’s been …kind of a lost week each year …” He wasn’t happy with having to take away Marie’s fair week–he knew how much it meant to her–but the farm came first.

Mom returned his nod. “I know, and I apologize. Because you were right; Alice should have been here with you all along.” Dad was nodding, and Mom nodded along with him. “And you were right that Terry should have gone to Fair Week with me.”

Frank’s nodding jerked slightly, sensing a trap, but Alice jumped in. “Exactly right! I mean, you know I hated it, and it wasn’t fair to Terry. He always worked so hard to help you and never got to enjoy it.”

“I’m glad you feel that way, Alice,” Mom smiled warmly. “Yes, Terry has been cheated out of things, while you were miserable there.” She chuckled. “You could almost call it Un-Fair Week!”

All three of them laughed at the atrocious joke.

Then Mom calmly said to Alice, “So Terry will accompany me to the fair this year, and you can stay here with your father and get some serious work done.”

“Sounds good to me!” Alice grinned.

Frank held up a hand. “Uh …yeah, that sounds good, but what about the dorm? The Women’s Dorm? I already told you that we can’t afford a motel for the week, even if anybody had vacancies left.” He paused. “Um …has some relative I don’t know about keeled over and left you a fortune?” His laugh was forced.

“For the health of our relatives, I’m happy to say ‘no’,” Mom smiled. “And I didn’t win the lottery, either. I simply followed your advice, dear.”

“Uh …my advice?” Frank looked at Alice again.

“Yes. And so I’d like you meet your daughter and your sister.” She nodded at each of them in turn and then smiled and called out, “Teresa? Sweetie? You want to come in?”

As they had planned, Terry stepped out of the kitchen. He was blushing and his eyes shyly downcast, and he stood, ankles and knees together, with his fingers laced in front of his skirt. Frank and Alice stared.

After preparing the supper, Mom had taken Terry to her room and found a black skirt that she’d stopped wearing because it was too short. It wasn’t too short for Terry, but the waist was too large and had to be pinned.

God, she’s more petite than I am! Mom had grinned as she pinned the back.

“The denim one fits better, Mom,” Terry said.

“Yes, but the point is to show your father that you look very nice in these clothes, but that they truly don’t fit you and you need clothing of your own. And that way, we sidestep the Alice-clothes question for now.”

Terry had nodded, thinking how skillfully his mother planned on several levels.

Mom had a blouse in mind, a blue-and-white striped blouse with a broad scooped neckline and three-quarter sleeves–a length no male clothing had. Again, she had to pin things a bit in the back. Mom had allowed Terry to keep Alice’s black flats.

“Chances are she doesn’t even remember having them,” Mom had said sadly. “And your feet look so pretty in them!”

Terry had smiled and looked down. “I like how my toes look.”

“Your ankles are very nice, too,” Mom had observed, thinking again How did we miss how pretty Terry is?

And now Frank and Alice were staring at the new girl.

Frank cleared his throat. “So this is your plan? Can’t take one girl so you make another?”

“Dad …” Alice groaned in protest.

Mom said, “Yes, Frank, in a manner of speaking. This was your advice, remember?”

“What? I said to dress Terry up like a girl and take him to the fair?”

“You said to take Terry into the Women’s Dorm with me.” Mom looked at him calmly.

Alice said, “For what it’s worth? Terry looks great!” She looked at Terry. “How you holding up?”

“Good, Alice; thanks,” Terry said.

“No, I mean …” Alice frowned. “I mean …are you okay with this?”

Terry’s eyes flicked to his mother and back to Alice. He nodded. Alice frowned again. “Really okay? Because you’d have to dress like that for the whole week …” She made it sound like the most horrible fate imaginable.

“Did you consider that, Terry?” Dad asked, picking up the thought.

Terry swallowed and nodded. Mom had told him to look reluctant but game.

Dad looked at Terry closely, then at Alice and finally at Mom. “Well, then let me ask you this, Terry. Are you doing this only to please your mother?” He kept his eyes locked on Mom’s.

Terry said, “Well, you had suggested it so we sort of …tried it. And this …” He held his hands out, gesturing at himself. “…this is what we came up with. But if you are really against it, I wouldn’t, and Mom …” He looked sadly at her. “Well, I guess she won’t be able to go this year.”

“It’s alright, Terry,” Mom said gently. “I don’t want to force you to do anything, and I don’t want you to do something that makes you uncomfortable.”

“Are you uncomfortable, dressed like that?” Dad asked.

Terry frowned. “No. It feels …different, of course, but …” He shrugged. “Nobody would know me and I could just sit in the booth and, you know …read or something.”

“So are you willing to do this? To dress as a girl?” Dad probed.

Terry swallowed–to appear reluctant–and looked his father in his eyes. “Yes, Dad. I am willing to dress as a girl. I’m willing to do what it takes to get the job done.”

Mom had coached him on that line; it was something that was very important to Dad.

It had the desired effect; he frowned, pursed his lips, and nodded. “Well, then …”

There was silence.

Mom said, “Well, then …what, dear?” She looked at him with a raised brow.

He nodded. “Well, then, good for you, Terry, helping your mother this way.”

“Is it alright with you, Dad?” Terry asked timidly.

Dad exhaled. “Yes. Yes, it’s alright with me.” He looked up at his wife and realized she wanted more. To everybody, he stated, “It’s alright for Terry to dress like a girl to help Mom.”

Alice said, “Done and done. So–can we eat?”

Mom and Terry turned to the kitchen.

Dad said, “Gotta say; he fits the part perfectly.”

Hearing that as he turned to go, Terry knew it wasn’t mean-spirited so much as a simple statement of fact.

But Mom stiffened. She bit back a retort; her husband could be such a macho jerk sometimes ... she felt the anger go out of her as she remembered that he didn’t know any better; he was just a man. She sighed and was about to meekly bring out the dinner but realized she wasn’t helping her child as she should.

“Frank, we have to get something straight,” she said quietly as she turned to face him.

The use of his name raised warning bells. Uncertain, Dad cleared his throat. “What’s that, Marie?”

“We’ll discuss it after dinner,” she decided. “Come on, Terry.”

Dutifully Terry followed her into the kitchen while Dad and Alice looked at each other, shrugged and sat at the table. Terry now brought out the platters and bowls that he and his mother had prepared. There was nothing unusual in that; he did it every night. The only difference was that now he was in a skirt and blouse and wearing a touch of lipstick. Dad and Alice’s eyes followed Terry around as he dished out the first plate of meat and potatoes, spooning a corn-and-peas mix into separate bowls, adding a roll to the bread plates and then brought out chilled applesauce. Finally he carried the pitcher and poured milk for all four. Mom brought out the coffee and poured for herself and Dad and then she and Terry took their seats. It did not go unnoticed that Terry swept his skirt under him as he sat.

After Grace, Dad and Alice applied themselves to their dinner, carefully not making direct eye contact with Mom or Terry. Dad mentioned the tractor progress; Alice said she needed some gasket or thing and they’d have to go into town for the part and some other sundries, if Mom wanted to make up a list. Mom nodded, and other than ‘Please pass the butter’ the conversation died.

At one point, Dad tried to revive it. “Think we got that carburetor problem licked. Al figured out the–” He drew up short at Mom’s glare.

She quietly said, “Al?”

Dad was caught and his eyes shifted to Alice and back to Mom. “Easier to shout. You know, when I need something.” He tried to be playful, pretending to shout, “Hey, Al!”

The temperature in the room dropped instantly.

Alice said, “Ma, it’s just a sort of joke between us. I don’t mind.”

Dad shot her a grateful look.

Mom turned on her. “And when did you start calling me ‘Ma’?”

Alice leaned forward. “Just now. I kinda did it as a …joke?”

Mom thought for a moment and nodded. “Alright. I understand.” There was another pause. “Please pass the rolls.”

Dinner resumed in chilly silence after that. Finally, without saying anything, Dad pushed himself back from the table and stretched and mumbled ‘Deliciousthanks’ and went into the family room. They heard the TV click on.

Alice looked at her mother and brother. “Uh ... Mom ...”

Mom just nodded with a small, sad smile. “It’s alright, Alice. Go.”

Alice shot an apologetic glance at Terry and left the room.

Terry looked at his mother sitting still, her face unreadable. To herself, she murmured, “How did I let it go so far ...” Then she shook her head and smiled at Terry. “So pretty,” she said with some sadness.

Nothing else was said; for his part, Terry had spent the dinner in a very difficult way. He was trying to act as if it was perfectly normal, and at the same time it obviously wasn’t perfectly normal to be wearing a skirt and lipstick. He hardly tasted his food; indeed, he’d hardly eaten. Now he stood and began clearing the table while his mother sat, thinking. When she finally shook herself, the table was clear. She went into the kitchen to find Terry rinsing the last plate and putting it into the dishwasher. All of the food had been put away and the kitchen was spotless. Without a word, Mom went to Terry and hugged him for a long moment. Terry returned the hug, on the edge of crying for some reason.

Mom held Terry at arm’s length. “This is what you want, isn’t it, sweetheart?” she asked gently. “Being a girl? Being my daughter?”

A lump formed in Terry’s throat but he nodded and spoke quickly, before he lost his nerve. “More than …more than anything!” He swallowed. “But ... Dad’s ...”

Mom hugged him again. “Then hold tight onto that thought, sweetheart, clutch it close to your heart, and we’ll make it happen. But first, let’s go freshen your lipstick.”

When they entered the family room, both of them had fresh lipstick, and Terry had a dusting of blush on his cheeks. Then, with a grin, Mom had given him a small spritz of her cologne. She’d winked at Terry when she’d done that. They smiled and nodded to each other and went to the others.

There was an odd little dance when they walked in. Dad and Alice had found a baseball game, which ordinarily Mom would never interrupt. On the other hand, Dad knew that Mom had a very serious talk planned and should turn off the TV.

Terry sized up the situation and quickly turned to his mother. “Oh, Mom, I wanted to show you the magazine article about last year’s prize winner at the Wyoming State Fair. Gave me some ideas.”

Gratefully, Mom nodded and they sat to the side while Dad and Alice gratefully turned back to the ball game. Terry got the magazine and sat, whispering to his mother, “I saw that it’s the top of the ninth; game’s almost over.”

Mom squeezed his hand and they shared a quiet talk about the unique display of the canning winner in the magazine.

With a triumphant cry and a high-five between Dad and Alice, anyone could tell the game was over. Dad dutifully turned off the TV and cleared his throat. “Uh …Marie? You wanted to have a talk?”

Without thinking, Terry said, “Anybody want some lemonade? Coffee?”

Mom smiled at him and said, “Thank you, sweetheart. Frank? Alice?”

Hearing her use his name again let Dad know she was still in a serious mood. He asked politely for coffee and Alice said, “Lemonade sounds good. But I’ll help get it.” She followed Terry into the kitchen.

There was an awkward moment of silence as they got the beverages together. Then Alice sighed heavily. “Terry, look, before we go into the lion’s den out there, can you tell me what’s going on?”

“What do you mean, Alice? I’m not being dense; I’m just not sure specifically what you wanted to know.”

“Yeah, makes sense. Okay,” Alice said, blowing out a breath. “You dressing as a girl is so you can go to the State Fair with Mom, right?”

“Right.”

“But you’re not going to …” She frowned. “You’re going to practice, right? I mean, you’re going to dress like that …be like that …until Fair Week, right?”

Terry’s eyes flicked to the family room. “Um …”

Alice chuckled. “I bet Mom’s telling him that right now. You are, aren’t you?”

Blushing, Terry nodded.

“Makes sense,” Alice said again, shrugging. “After all, it’s more than …” She trailed off. Softly, she said, “You look …really good. But you …act good, too. Have you ... did you ...” Frowning, Alice ran a hand through her short straight hair. “I’m not getting on your case or anything, okay? But have you been wearing any of my things all along? The girl things, I mean?” Even the question couldn’t hide the disgust she had for the clothes.

Terry looked at his sister with solemn eyes. “No, Alice. I never have. Mom put some on me today. First time ever. You know, just to test. She tried a dress of yours on me. It didn’t fit. But I told her that I didn’t feel right wearing your things without your knowing. I’m sorry if it bugs you, but it was what she wanted to try.”

“No, Terry, it doesn’t bug me at all and it’s cool and I mean that. It’s just that ... I’ve got to ask you this, and please, the truth? Just between you and me? Do you want to be a girl? I mean, secretly? And now, not so secretly? Like, I mean, maybe …always?”

Terry had to smile at his sister’s messed-up sentence structure, but it was a very male way of trying to speak. Then he frowned. “Alice, as God is my witness, I have never worn any female clothes before this afternoon. But, as long as I’m speaking before God, I’ve thought about being a girl. Not wishing and hoping, really, but ... come on, you should have been the first-born son! You’re so much better at it than I ever would be! And I ...”

“And you are a very good daughter, aren’t you?” Alice said gently. “And I mean that in a nice way. The nicest possible way. That whole daughter thing …You get it. The girly thing, and helping Mom in the kitchen. I don’t ... I just don’t. And you’re better at that that I am! Like when you just asked, ‘Anybody want something to drink?’–that’s just a girl thing. So, yeah, you’re right. Somehow we got switched!” She chuckled and then got serious. “So what are you going to do?”

“I’m going to do what Mom wants, duh!” Terry grinned. “I’m going to try to help her at the State Fair. I guess she’ll have me practice from time to time so I’m ready for the whole week of the fair. Then it’s done.” He shrugged. “Just helping Mom.”

“I know you are–duh right backatcha!–and she might even win, Terry, but I mean ...” She narrowed her eyes. “From ‘time to time’? Yeah, right! This is more than that and I think we both know it.” She looked toward the family room. “I’ll bet that’s what she’s telling him right now. That you’ll be dressed as a girl until then.” She looked back at Terry. “But that’s not everything, is it? All of this is just for Fair Week? Back home and you’re a boy again? Somehow I don’t think that’s going to happen, either.”

Terry’s mouth was dry. “And ... if it doesn’t happen, um ... how are you with that, Alice?”

To his immense relief, his sister smiled warmly. “I’m a hundred percent cool with that, Terry! I would welcome you as my little sister!” Then her face made a strange alteration and she said, “As long as I get to be your big brother! Now, come on; we’ve left them alone too long.”

They brought in the coffee and their lemonades. Pointedly, Mom and Dad became silent when they entered. After a proper settling in, Mom gave Dad one of her ‘looks’ and then took a deep breath.

“Your father and I have discussed things. I made it plain to him just how important the State Fair is to me, and he’s agreed to my plan.” She gave him a look almost daring him to disagree.

He did not. He addressed both kids. “It’s agreed, then. Terry will dress up like a girl for the fair. Your mother will train Terry so he can pass as a girl.” Dad gave Mom a sideways look. “Although if he’s discovered in the Women’s Dormitory, I don’t even want to think of the consequences …” He held the look.

“It won’t happen,” Mom said calmly, “I’m sure of it. In fact, I guarantee it.”

There was a pause; each of them knew that Mom was quite sparing with her guarantees. Terry and Alice looked at each other. Terry looked worried; Alice almost looked smug.

Dad cleared his throat. “Yes. So, uh …Terry will stay inside helping Mom. Al and I will be outside as usual.”

It seemed that an agreement had been reached on the matter of names because Mom didn’t react. In fact, she used it.

“I will admit I came down a bit hard on hearing the name ‘Al’ but …it’s fine with me if you want to use it,” she looked at Alice, who nodded but looked guilty. “And you may call me ‘Ma’ if you wish. As you said, it will be our little joke.”

Even though it was an apology of sorts–technically–it came out a bit stern.

Mom smiled at Terry and then turned back to Dad and Alice. “It’s important that we are clear on names. From this point on, our oldest child is Al and our youngest child will be known as Teresa. But we will call her Terry as we always have. I want both of you–all of us–to think Teresa when we say Terry. It’s a mental thing that will help her. And that’s the other thing: I said her. We will use feminine pronouns when we refer to Teresa. Got that?”

Terry blushed as both Dad and Alice turned to him. Dad cleared his throat again. “Makes sense. There’s that thing they do with foreign languages, um …”

“Immersion,” Alice said. “You walk in the classroom and the only language they speak is Spanish. Or French or whatever.”

“Thanks, Al,” Dad nodded. “So, yeah, immersion. So …Teresa. Yeah.”

Just the casual way he said ‘Al’ was proof that he’d been calling Alice that for some time.

“Alright, then,” Mom said firmly. “Teresa is our youngest daughter. Who doesn’t have a history of being a teenage girl. If you want, you can imagine that she lived with a distant relative in a weird religious cult and never learned about being a teenage girl. And now she’s come to live with us and it’ll be my job to teach her about being a modern girl. Make sense?”

Alice stifled a laugh at Mom using Dad’s two-word catchphrase but nodded, and Dad thought about it, like he was looking for a trick or a loophole. Then he nodded.

In an atrocious cornpone accent, Mom said, “So Al is a-workin’ the fields with Pa, and Teresa’s a-slavin’ over a hot stove with Ma. Right?”

Everybody laughed–even Terry–and then Mom got quickly serious. “I mean it. You’re going to see Terry wearing things and doing things and saying things that will seem weird for a boy, but she is not a boy. That’s the best way to think of her.”

“Makes sense,” Dad nodded. “So whenever I see him in a dress, I’m supposed to think of Teresa, not Terence.”

A quick series of looks crossed Mom’s face; she was exasperated at Dad and apologetic to Terry.

“I don’t think you grasp the situation fully, Frank,” she said.

Hearing his name made his chin come up. “I thought we got it all. You’ll put Terry in a dress but other than that nothing really changes. Al and I work outside and Terry helps you in here and does his outside chores. Same as usual. And he’ll practice and do the fair with you.” On her look, he said, “What?”

“You really think that I could ‘put Terry in a dress’, as you put it, now and then, once or twice, for a bit of ‘practice’ …and then we’d trot off to Fair Week?”

“Um …yeah …sorta …” Dad looked at her, the kids, and back to her.

“We just got done talking about ‘immersion’ and we agreed it’s the best way. What I’m proposing–no, I’m not proposing. This is what we will do.” Her tone scared the others; they all sat up a bit straighter. “It seems the situation wasn’t clear so I’m making certain all four of us are crystal clear on this point. From today on, Teresa is our daughter. She will wear only girls’ clothes and why?–because she is a girl! Terence our son will need to be perfect for Teresa our daughter to get through Fair Week. Agreed?”

She didn’t wait for a response but all three nodded. Mom had a full head of steam on. “You said it yourself, Frank; you and Al will work outside as you always do. Terry will help me inside as she always does and will do her outside chores. Make sense?”

Automatically, Dad nodded at hearing his phrase coming back at him. Then he frowned. “But is that necessary? I mean, can’t he just get up in the morning and you give him a dress to wear and …” He trailed off, seeing the storm clouds gathering on her face.

“Frank Wilcox! Do you think that that’s all there is to being female? Just wear a dress and that’s it? Tell you what! Let’s have a little experiment: I have a lovely sleeveless dress in pink chiffon that I want you to put on, right now, and you tell me that just wearing a dress will make you pass as a woman!”

Her eyes were glaring, and that alone would have cowed Dad even if the thought of wearing the pink dress hadn’t. He nodded his head slowly.

“Point taken. So, yeah, it was kind of foolish of me to think it was a once-or-twice thing. So …”

Calmly, Mom said, “So from today on, we all acknowledge that the youngest child in the Wilcox family is a girl named Teresa. And as such, she will wear all sorts of girls’ clothes and will be a girl. You may see her acting girlish, giggling, being silly. Be very clear on this: Terry is not being a sissy–she’s just being a girl, got it?”

“Uh, yeah,” Dad said, glancing at Terry, who sat with his knees together and hands in his lap as his mother had taught him that day.

“Sure, Ma,” Alice said, nodding.

There was a pause. Then Alice gave her mother a searching look. “Um …Ma?”

Mom turned and looked at her.

Alice glanced at Dad. She’s embarrassed, Terry thought, as his sister cleared her throat. She’s got something really heavy she wants to say …

Then Alice frowned and Terry thought, She’s pulled back and changing what she was going to say.

Then Alice shrugged. “I’ve got a bunch of clothes that …I’ll never wear, you know? And some that …well, my sister’s welcome to ‘em all.” She paused. “Oh! But could I get some new dungarees? And a couple of work shirts? I tore up one of mine on some wire.”

Mom studied Alice for a moment. Mom knows, too, Terry thought. She knows Alice was going to say something different. Then he brightened. And Alice called me her sister!

Dad, oblivious, said, “Yeah, I could use some odds and ends, too. And we need those tractor parts.”

Mom stood. “I propose we make a family trip into town, say the day after tomorrow. Dad and Al can go get their tractor parts, and Terry and I will shop for her. Al, I want you to come to your room with us now and we can see what you’re contributing and what she’ll still need. And we’ll pick up the work clothes you want while you’re off with Dad.”

The meeting was officially over, and Alice followed Mom and Terry out of the room and they heard Dad clicking the TV back on.

As soon as they were in Alice’s room, Mom closed the door and said, “Alice–”

Alice held up a hand. “Ma? I mean, Mom? I want to say upfront that Terry and I talked in the kitchen and I’m cool with what you’re doing and she can have every single piece of girl’s clothing in here if I can get some decent jeans and shirts. I told Terry that I’m fine with her being my little sister just as long as I get to be her big brother.”

Mom frowned and nodded. “You two really got cheated, didn’t you? You’re both in the same boat. Alice, you’ve got the build and the mind and all of a big strong boy.” Alice visibly inflated with pride at the compliment. Mom went on sadly. “But you were born a girl. Terry, you have the heart and soul of a lovely girl, but you were born a boy.”

“S’okay,” Terry mumbled.

“No, it’s not okay,” Mom said. “Because you got even cheated in the physical department, too. You didn’t have a chance to be a regular boy because you weren’t built like a regular boy.”

Alice said, “But, Mom, it is okay. I mean, it would have been best if I’d been born a big strong son and Terry was my little sister, but it’s kind of correcting now, you know? I hate my body. Yeah, I finally said it. Mom, do you have any idea how miserable I am all school year? Thank God I can wear jeans at school, but all the …girly junk I have to put up with …”

That’s what she wanted to say, back in the family room, Terry thought.

Mom was stricken by the misery on Alice’s face. “Oh, Alice! I had no idea you were so unhappy! I just thought you …that you were a big farm girl, you know …”

Alice nodded. “It’s not your fault, Mom. Yeah, I look like a big farm girl, but I’m not. Ruth Samuelson’s even bigger than me; her hair’s shorter and she’s even getting biceps! But she still likes to dress pretty for the dances and has a crush on Tom Clark and even goes on and on about some guy on American Idol. That’s not me!”

Alice’s eyes sparkled with tears and she angrily wiped them, roughly swatting at her face with her forearm. “See! This damned body makes me do this!” She sniffed. “Mom, I look like a big farm girl but inside I’m your son, Al! I can’t wait to graduate and then I’m never going to …” She collapsed. “I’m sorry, Mom. This isn’t fair; it’s not about me, it’s about Terry.” Alice looked at Terry sadly, but spoke to their mother. “But, Mom, I think that …that Terry’s the same as me. He’s your son, but I believe that inside he really has a sweet girl’s heart and soul.”

Mom stared at her children, back and forth and gently shook herself. “Cards on the table, then. Alice, are you telling me that you …” It looked like she’d swallowed something difficult. “That you want to be a boy? Be a boy, not just dress and act like one?”

“Yes, Mom. Absolutely, positively. As much as I possibly can be. I pretty much already am.” She sniffed, straightened, and looked at Terry and back to Mom. “And that’s fine with me.”

“What about boys?” Mom blurted out.

“Mom?” Alice opened her mouth to say the next word and then shook her head. “Not going to happen.”

They looked at each other for a long moment. Then Mom nodded once, uncertainly. To her surprise, Alice spun to Terry.

“Terry, Mom’s freaking out. As long as we’re getting everything out in the open tonight, might as well get it all said, like ripping off a Band-Aid. And I don’t think she knows how to say things. And you and I haven’t talked a lot lately. So …” She turned to Mom. “Mom, you raised us to be honest and so now I’m going to call you on it.”

Terry said, “Don’t hurt her, Alice. Al.”

Alice’s mouth quirked at that. “I’m your brother Al and you’re my sister Teresa. Tell me that.”

“What?” Terry was confused. “Oh! You’re my brother Al and I’m your sister Teresa? Is that what you mean?”

Alice nodded. “Absolutely. And that’s our truth. Right, Ma?”

Mom’s mouth seemed dry as she nodded and said slowly, “Right …”

Alice said, “Here’s the deal, Terry. Cards on the table like Ma said. I should have been born a boy. I am a boy except for the physical girl things on my body and I hate it and want it fixed. But I can pass as a boy–I already have–so I’m doing okay. And I like girls. I mean …romantically.” She looked at her mother. “And sexually.”

“Alice …” Mom said, helpless.

“Fact of life,” Alice shrugged. “So are we all clear on this? I want you two to consider me a boy named Al. I don’t want to ever wear a dress or makeup or anything like that again. So, please, take it all.” She waved her hand around the room. “I’ll help carry it all to Terry’s room.”

“Thank you, Alice,” Mom said.

“Thanks, Al,” Terry said at the same time.

“No problem, sis!” Alice grinned. Then she became serious. “Ma, I’m not being completely generous on this deal; I’m getting something out of it, too. I’m tired of being half-and-half. The daughter that looks like a son. The girl that’s as strong as a boy. I just want to be a boy and then a man and get on with things.” She looked at her mother, but it was different now. “And now I’m going to say some things here that I think need to be said and it’s getting late.”

“So like your father,” Mom murmured, but nodded.

Alice turned again to Terry. “You are my little sister Teresa and I love you. Please don’t ever think you can’t be the pretty girl we all know that you are, deep inside. I think you’ve always been one, but we don’t have to talk about that now. Mom touched on this in the family room, but I’m telling you from my heart. What I’m saying is, don’t worry about being too girly. Like I said, better you than me, and you’re better at it than me, naturally.”

“You said that?” Mom asked in wonder.

Alice nodded and continued. “So you’re going to be in dresses and nightgowns and makeup and bikinis and everything and just relax and do it, okay? Don’t hold back because, ‘Oh, boys don’t do that’ or something. Because you’re not a boy, you’re a girl.”

Terry’s mother had already said much of that, but his mind stalled at the word ‘bikinis’.

Mom said, “Thank you, Alice. That was very …what?” She’d seen Alice stand straight.

Alice spoke formally. “I would hope that you will realize that immersion goes both ways. If we’re calling her Teresa, please call me Al, your son.” She paused and then said softly, “Please, Mom …”

There was a moment, a life-changing moment, between them and then Mom nodded. “Thank you, Al.”

Al nodded with her and then said, “Here’s what you’re not thinking about, I’ll bet. Terry is a girl. Terry is pretty. Therefore, boys are going to be interested in Terry. I’m betting dollars to doughnuts that Terry discovers that she’s interested in them. And that’s because she’s a girl. Boys are not the same; they’re now the opposite sex. And I’ve kind of been through that and it’s an agonizing mental thing and my gift to you, my pretty little sister, is to spare you that.” She gave Terry a fierce look. “You will be romantically and sexually interested in boys–”

“Al!” Mom barked.

Alice went on. “–and don’t hesitate. Be a good girl and listen to your mother, but it’s perfectly natural for you to be interested in boys. That’s what I’ve decided. I’m interested in girls and want a girlfriend, but that doesn’t mean I’m a lesbian; it simply means I’m a boy interested in girls and that’s natural.”

“Oh, sweetheart …” Mom said, a tear in her eye.

Alice turned to her. “Ma, that’s just the way of it. You know it’s the truth.”

Mom’s mouth opened in rebuttal and then she nodded. She looked at Terry. “We’ll …cross that bridge when we come to it.”

“There is one last thing that hasn’t been brought up and I’m going to be the one to do it. And that is …well, let me call it ‘State Fair plus one day’. I know you set this up for Dad so that in his mind, that it’s just for the fair–and I know that’s what you meant when you started–but this is Truth Time for your children. This is a chance for us–both of us, my sister and me–” Alice turned to smile at Terry, “–to become who we should have been all along. Put it this way: The day you come back from the fair, I’m not putting on a dress and heels. I’m putting on jeans and a t-shirt, maybe a sweatshirt, and going to work with Dad. So the day you come back from the fair, Terry is not cutting his hair and putting on overalls. At least let the three of us know the truth; the day after the fair, Terry will be getting herself ready for high school in September. The two of you will be go shopping for skirts and dresses for her, getting her hair done …”

Alice looked at them both. Mom and Terry had nearly identical stunned faces, mouths slightly open and eyes wide. Alice chuckled, and it was a hearty male chuckle. “Sounds weird to hear the truth, huh? But that’s what it is, and, Ma, you’ve got to deal with that. For both of us. I want to …I’m just going to tough it out; one last year won’t kill me. If I can get my diploma to read ‘Al Wilcox’, I’ll be happy. Oh, and when you’re setting things up for Terry–you know, to register as a girl and probably have to use a special bathroom–if you could do that for me, too, I’d appreciate it. God, I never want to have to go in with all the hairspray and makeup again!” She grinned. “Although I think Terry’s gonna love it!”

Mom found it difficult to speak. “You’ve …you’ve figured all of this out, already?”

“I’ve known for years what and who I am, and had all sorts of time to map battle plans. Strategies to get what I want.”

“And you want …”

Alice shrugged. “To be a man. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. And it was denied me at birth and growing up, but I figure in this year I’m finishing school, turning eighteen, I can be the man I want to be. To be the farmer I want to be, here.” Alice looked out the window and said with a quiet force, “On my farm.”

“I always sort of hoped you might go to college, but …” Mom nodded. “You’ve got dirt in your blood. That’s what your grandfather said about your father, when I first brought him home to meet my parents. You, too, Al. You are a farmer.” Mom turned and smiled sadly at Terry. “And you are a farmer’s daughter.”

Alice said, “We’re pretty much where we need to be, but we’ve got one hurdle to go–Dad. He’s not going to understand–not really understand–despite his agreement downstairs. We all know that. So I will do what I can to help him come to terms with this, okay? I’ve got some ideas for how to do that when we’re alone. If you’ve got any ideas that I can help with, I’m there for you.”

Mom smiled sadly. “Thank you, Al. You make me very proud of you. Your honesty, your understanding, your willingness to accept …your sister. And I do have some ideas for Dad and might need some help. But you are …a fine son that a mother can be proud of.”

They hugged, and Terry was struck by a certain quality of maleness to Alice’s hug. It goes so deep! he thought of his sister–now his brother–and the confusion of their genders.

It began that night. After every bit of Alice’s female clothing had been moved to Terry’s room, it was pretty much obvious that Alice would need a lot of things, although she had enough for the next few days. Mom told Alice to give her a list of what she wanted. Mom knew that many clothes would be needed for Terry, and it would be easier to get Dad to approve if he knew things like Alice’s dungarees and work shirts were among the purchases.

There was one awkward moment. Alice said, “Um …Mom? I’d like some things …well, I know that I want regular boys’ underwear. I’ve tried Terry’s but they’re too small. So, uh …up a size. But I do have boobs, and this is really uncomfortable to talk about with you, because I know that you love yours and I hate mine. I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but …I said I made battle plans? One of them is to save enough money to have them removed.”

“Oh!” Mom’s eyes were wide with shock. She felt like she’d been hit. She put a hand out to a bureau to steady herself.

“Figured now was the best time to tell you, seeing as how it’s Truth Time and all,” Alice said with some embarrassment. “They don’t belong there. And we both know that something that should be down there,” she pointed to her crotch, “isn’t there. But I’ll deal with that later. But my boobs …until I’ve saved up and can have the surgery, I’ve got to deal with ‘em. I’ve been reading up on it and I’ll write out the name of this company. It’s a medical supply place. They make a …well, they call it a ‘compression vest’ and it’s for guys after breast surgery.”

“Wait, wait–guys that had breast surgery?”

“Uh-huh. It’s pretty common, actually. It’s called ‘gynecomastia’. Sometimes it’s like boys in middle school that start to develop breasts because their hormones are all messed up; sometimes it’s body-builders that get what they call ‘man-boobs’. In fact, they even got a word for it: ‘moobs’! It would be the best thing you could get for me. If you can’t find one, then Champion, that makes gym clothes and stuff? A bunch of their sports bras; they’re supposed to be the tightest.”

Mom was stunned that even Alice was aware of ‘gynecomastia’ but even more shocking was how casually Alice dismissed her breasts.

“Oh, Alice,” Mom said sadly. “This is all so …” She slumped. “I know I’m going to call you Al, but it seems like this is the last mother-and-daughter talk we’ll ever have. It’s just so …sad.”

“Not really,” Alice said. “Try looking at it this way: On the same day you have your last mother-and-daughter with me, you have your first mother-and-daughter with Teresa–your real daughter. So you’ve got continuity. Or, better yet, how about this? Mom, think about it this way–you never had mother-and-daughter talks with me–ever–now, hear me out! You had mother-and-daughter talks with your son Al, who was squirming inside. And all along, your pretty daughter Teresa wasn’t getting the mother-and-daughter talks she needed, so you’ve got the future to make it up to her!”

Mom sighed, looking at her …son …and smiled sadly. “You make me so proud–and so sad–all at once.”

Alice shrugged theatrically. “What can I say? I’m a complicated guy!”

Mom had to laugh at that and left, going to Terry’s room, where he sat folding t-shirts in a pile. Mom paused at the doorway, smiling at her new daughter’s natural grace and feminine instinct to fold and put away. There were items that were obviously too large in one pile, and then everything else.

“That’s enough for tonight; we were lucky to have Al do the heavy lifting,” Mom said. “Literally,” she added in a murmur.

Terry startled a bit at how casually his mother had used the male name, but nodded. “I didn’t know where to start, so I thought I’d just …tidy up a little.”

“Tomorrow we’ll go through them, trying them on and seeing what we need. Tonight, it’s bath time for you, sweetie.”

Mom ran a special bath, the kind she herself liked, with aromatherapy beads and oils. She even lit some candles, and then told Terry to soak, just soak, and she’d be back, In the meantime, she got trash bags for the non-fitting girl clothes of Alice and the never-to-be-worn-again boy clothes of Terry. She hesitated, wondering if she was doing the right thing. She was sure she was, but she knocked gently at the bathroom door and went in, sitting on the toilet seat lid. She took a moment and looked at her …daughter, totally relaxed in the bath.

Terry was reclined in the tub; there were candles on the rim around him, the soft light gentling and smoothing the image. His long hair was up out of the water and twisted behind in a loose chignon, cradling his head. Terry’s small breasts poked through the water and even with the shimmer of the light on the water, Mom could see the feminine curve of his waist.

So amazingly pretty, Mom thought for the thousandth time that day. How could we not have seen that?

“Sweetheart? I know this is all happening really fast. It kind of has to, but I don’t want you to get caught up in something that isn’t right for you.”

“What do you mean, Momma?” Terry hadn’t meant to say it; he was so relaxed from the bath that it just slipped out.

And she caught it, of course. “Momma …I like that. Your sister never called me that …” Mom sighed. “Your sister really isn’t your sister, come to think of it. Really …never was.” Half to herself, she murmured, “Lotta changes.”

“Yes, Momma,” Terry said quietly.

After a time, Mom said, “Terry, I need to ask you something and if you don’t know the answer, it’s okay. You can say, ‘I don’t know yet’ or something, okay? But truth only, okay?” On Terry’s nod, she said, “Do you want to start living as a girl? As my daughter?”

“I thought I was. I mean, from this afternoon through Fair Week.”

“Yes, well …” She sighed again. “There’s living as a girl and then living as a girl. So let me ask you this. We should be back from the fair …about three weeks before school starts. Call it twenty-two days before school. Right?” Terry nodded. Mom said, “So what about the day after we get home from the fair? And what about day twenty-one? And twenty? As you get closer to the start of school …”

Terry felt everything close in around him; a clenching feeling like he’d never had before. “Uh …I think when we’re back …I’m supposed to …go back to normal?”

“Supposed to …” Mom frowned. “I don’t like that sense of forcing you to do something, but we’ll deal with that later. The other word bothers me.” She pressed. “Normal …what? Normal like, ‘you’re a boy named Terence’ like yesterday or normal like, ‘you’re a girl named Teresa’ like today?”

Terry studied the swirls of bathwater, his knees to his chest. In a small voice, he said, “Which do you want?”

Mom shook her head. “Nuh-uh. Not going there. This is about you, sweetheart. And don’t worry about hurting my feelings one way or the other. You won’t, okay? As long as you are a good person, my sweet child, it doesn’t matter to me if you’re a boy or a girl or an ocelot.”

Terry chuckled at that, unaware that his mother suddenly knew with full force the answer she did want. She’s my daughter! she thought fiercely.

Terry said carefully, “I don’t know what the next …month or so will hold. Um …can we wait and see?”

“Fair enough; a good answer,” said Mom, although she already knew the answer–both of their answers. “Tell you what. You’re not going to know–neither of us will–if you don’t commit. I mean, don’t hold back. Like what Alice …like your brother Al said, okay? Fully jump into being a girl up through the fair and then we’ll talk about the future, okay?”

“Okay, Momma.” Terry frowned. “Is it okay if I call you Momma?”

“Is it okay if I slip now and then and call you Teresa, even if nobody’s around?”

They exchanged a look that meant so much. The child knew what the mother wanted, and the mother knew what the child wanted. Yet neither could bring themselves to declare it. But they knew.

“Alright. I have a little job for you,” Mom said. “And two new friends to introduce.”

With that, she opened the cabinet under the sink and handed two items to Terry–a can of women’s shave gel and a pink disposable razor.

“Very slowly, very carefully,” Mom smiled. “Both legs, of course, and under your arms, even though there’s not very much there.”

The fact was that there was almost nothing there, or on Terry’s legs. He’d been dreading his first high school shower and the ridicule he was expecting. And now Mom wanted him to shave his legs …There was an odd feeling, somewhere between his heart and his chest. He realized it was overwhelming joy and excitement and at the same time, the need to damp it down. He listened as his mother instructed him how to shave, blot dry and use baby oil after he got out.

Mom left Terry to get on with it; she went to sit on Terry’s bed, just sitting. She really needed a few minutes to herself to regroup. She’d thought that she was the prime mover in things, getting Frank to agree to let Terry dress as a girl for the State Fair. Now, Alice–Al–had rotated her universe. In less than an hour he’d revealed and described a Brave New World for the Wilcox family, with an older son and younger daughter and both in high school and how was she going to convince Frank of that? But she knew that it would be incredibly difficult for him to accept a son that wanted to be a daughter. The only hope was that the difficulty would be tempered by Frank discovering he had a daughter that wanted to be a son.

God bless Alice, Mom thought. And God help her, too. Him …Al, not Alice anymore. Ever. So God bless him …

After a time, Terry came into his bedroom wearing the towel around his chest and his mother smiled and gently said, “How pretty you look, sweetie. Let’s see.”

Terry shyly moved a leg through the gap in the towel, toes pointed. Like a ballerina, Mom thought as she reached up and felt the sleekly smooth–and startlingly pretty–leg. Did he always have pretty legs and I never noticed? she asked herself, remembering him in shorts in years past. Terry also showed his underarms and proudly told her that he hadn’t cut himself once. Mom praised him.

“Almost bedtime, sweetheart.” She plucked through a stack of nightgowns. “This one, I should think,” she said, shaking out a pretty yellow shortie. “She never wore it. Al …he never wore it.” She frowned. “I never dreamed …”

“How much of a boy he is?” Terry asked gently.

Mom frowned slightly and then nodded.

“Or how much of a girl I am?”

The room was very still.

Mom’s eyes were moist when she looked up. “You are, sweetheart; you truly are,” she said breathlessly and then held up the nightie to Terry’s body. He put his fingers on the straps, holding it in place against the top of his shoulders. Mom sat back and smiled. “So pretty …” she murmured yet again. Then her voice grew stronger. “Alright. That’ll take care of you tonight. I think the matching robe …yes, there it is. Slippers …ah, there. Now, I know you brush your teeth before bed, and you will continue that, of course, but you will also start a regimen. A nightly facial cleansing regimen that will become a habit and will work wonders for you, even with your beautiful skin.”

Terry blushed at that, but dutifully removed his clothes and hesitated; he had decided that he was a daughter to his mother and so stripped down to the panties and then slid the nightgown over his head. It floated down and in some strange way he felt changed, a different person, even more than most of the day spent in a girls’ clothes, by simply putting on his nightie.

Mom took Terry in hand and led him to her sink and explained the procedure to cleanse and moisturize, making mental notes to pick up supplies for Terry. For some reason that made her think of makeup and she frowned. Alice had none and her own makeup was for an older woman and it wasn’t sanitary to share, anyway. She’d used a bit of lipstick earlier but Terry would need so much more …

And Al was right–Teresa was going to be so pretty …

When Terry was done, his hair pulled back by a headband and his skin shiny and glowing, Mom made a snap decision. “Terry, here’s what you’re going to do …”

A short time later Mom entered the family room. Dad was in his chair switching channels; Alice was sprawled on the couch, one leg over a couch arm, flipping through a Sports Illustrated. Mom was almost staggered by the natural masculinity of her eldest child. She squared her shoulders.

Mom announced, “Terry’s come to say goodnight. I’m heading to bed, too. Don’t stay up too late.”

Terry moved past his mother as Alice glanced up, eyes widening. She was stunned at first and then smiled warmly and nodded once. Terry wore a short yellow chenille robe over the yellow nightgown, his feet in matching yellow backless slippers, his face shiny and hair pulled back. He stood with one knee cocked forward, clutching his fingers in front of him, looking down at the floor and then slowly up to his father.

“Goodnight …Daddy,” he said softly, walking to his father.

Dad stared at the pretty girl before him. It was safe to say that there had never been such a pretty girl in the house before; certainly not Alice, who had been more handsome than pretty and even when younger, squirmed and fought to not wear such things.

“Daddy?” Terry asked, even more quietly.

Dad frowned and shook himself slightly. He glanced at Mom and suddenly knew what he needed to do. Alice had never been a hugger, so in a movement awkward through lack of use, Dad held up his arms. Terry flowed into them, turning sideways and sitting on his father’s lap. They hugged. Mom watched Dad’s gesture–at first a tentative hand hanging over Terry’s back–turn into a gentle and fluid pat of his new daughter. Mom was also struck by the small, delicate girl dwarfed by the large sunburned man.

“Goodnight, Daddy,” Terry whispered and hugged once more, tightly. Then Terry stood and, embarrassed, gave a shy smile and a wave of two bent fingers to Alice and then walked past Mom, who murmured, “I’m coming, too, sweetheart,” while looking at Dad. Something passed between them and Mom left.

Alice turned to her father and said, “Teresa’s really pretty, isn’t she, Dad?”

“Yes …yes; she is,” he nodded slowly.

In Terry’s bedroom, Mom and her new daughter sat on the bed. Terry was excited. “It was incredible ¸ Momma! I did just what you said and he did just what you said he’d do!”

Mom smiled. “I know your father, sweetie, but …you didn’t do just what I said.”

“What did I forget? I thought I remembered everything …” His shiny face furrowed with worry.

“Hush, sweetheart,” Mom said with a gentle smile. “What I mean is, I told you what would work, but you did it, and you did it more naturally and prettier than I thought it would be. That wasn’t you performing some dance I choreographed. That was you–as his daughter–saying goodnight. As simple as that. See, he’s never had that. He never got it from Alice. And so tonight was a special night for both my daughter and her daddy.”

“Oh, Momma …” Terry’s eyes glistened as they hugged.

End of Part 2