I was in the middle of working on another chapter of mothers wrath when my muse decided to take a break and switch to this.
Last year my best friend Judy had taken me with her and her mother prom dress shopping. She had graduated last year so we had spent the better part of 2 days looking at one dress after another. It was exciting trying to find just that right one. Its hard to describe how magical and important that night is for a girl.
We ohhed and ahhhed over a ton of dresses each just a little bit more, well just more than the last. It was during our shopping in FashionFabrics that I spotted a pattern that I literally could not take my eyes off of. I must have stood there holding the pattern and staring with longing at the picture of the dress for ten minutes.
Judy and her mother came over to see what was going on. And when they saw the dress pattern and my reaction to it something happened. I cannot describe it but their faces just went from a cheerful neutral to understanding. I ended up buying the pattern for it. I was just going to keep the pattern so that I could dream. I never ever thought I would make the dress.
We did find the right dress for Judy the next day, by which time, my feet were sore but I wasn't the only one as we spent most of that night with our feet in a tub with salts and a water warmer draped over the side munching popcorn and sniffling at sappy movies. It was strange but over the next month we spent alot of time shopping for Judy's accessories. I helped her get ready for the special night I did her toes, nails, and most of her makeup as she was way to nervous. She had no problem with me doing her makeup while she was in a robe. I did not of course see her underwear even though I helped her choose it.
When she was all done she was beautiful. Her mother was crying so hard I ended up taking pictures. I believe I got most of them as best as possible to catch that magic moment in a girls life. While we are both the same age she is a year ahead of me school wise. I had had problems in middle school and failed. My new school had Judy who was such a tomboy back then and she defended me from everyone else. It was funny when we think back on it. Here was this girl in a brown short skirt and sweater standing over me telling people to back off or she would let them have it. She did too which was how I met her mother later that day in the office.
Since that day we have been the best of friends doing almost everything together and sharing many of our first's. Her mother never really gave me much thought I guess. I made a number of special suppers for all of us either at my house or theirs. I have alot of fond memories of those years.
After Judy's prom, she came home safe and we spent many hours that night in our jammies just talking about her magical night. We both awoke late the next morning, I had slept over again a common occurrence. We did chores cleaning her house and then doing the same at my house. We never really thought about it either being a boy or girl thing. It was chores. You just did them. Her and her mother went away for 2 months on a cruise vacation, curtesy of her grandmother. I pined for my lost friend the whole time. When Judy came back I hugged her hard and cried I had missed her so much in just a short time. It was a touching moment as they both cried and hugged me in return.
I saw all the pictures and all the things they bough during their trip. It was almost magical in itself, nothing compared to prom, but still very moving. Their time away had changed something though. They treated me a bit different. For one thing I was called Bobbi instead all the time, which was our variation on my name. I grew to like it very much.
Judy decided to take a year and work in her aunts salon before going to college she said. I suspect she is waiting for me to finish highschool so we can go together. We both want to study fashion and business. I know its strange but I really believe it is where my future lies. I think it was about october that we went fabric shopping. I didn't know what they needed the fabric for but I could never resist looking at all the pretty rolls of fabrics. They never told me what I was to look for just to let them know if something special catches my eyes. Its not like they didn't know I had drawn that dress out over a dozen times with different colors and minor alterations. I was passing a rack of satins when my arm brushed against one that gave me a shock. Sort of but not quite like static. And when I turned there it was.
It was a roll of royal purple satin. The texture was so soft and felt almost like liquid. I don't know why but I knew from the bottom of my soul that this was the material that my dress pattern called out for. I knew I could never get it but yet there it was and I couldn't move away. They came over and it took a bit to unbury that roll of cloth. When they saw the material and felt it both their eyes took on again that dreamy look and stared at me with it. Judy's mom said its perfect. I carried that roll around the store in a kind of daze while we picked out other things. Zippers, lace, and something called lining. Even the thread choice was amazing and took us a better part of an hour to choose just the right thread.
When everything was gathered we went to the cutting table and bought six meters of the fabric. The rest is kinda a hazy memory. The car ride back to their house was spent with me sniffling the whole way. Two days later was my birthday on a school night where I was given all the materials as a birthday present. Ontop of all the stuff was a card with my dress pattern. The card said simply that it would be a shame to not bring out my dream prom dress into reality. We all cried buckets that night.
I was so happy to be actually making the dress we took measuresments of myself and Judy to find just the right style and look they said. I didn't really pay all that much attention to it. We cut out the patterns after transfering them with tracing paper. This was so we could modify the pattern without ruining the original. My drawings were brought in and we ended up shopping at some local thrift stores for yet more patterns for bits and pieces that would add to the dress. It was an off the shoulder dress with spaghetti straps. The original dress didn't have a fabric rose at the middle of bodice or a bow in the back. But after a bit a searching we all agreed that we would add these. The v shaped bodice that came over the hips was attacked to a knee lenght skirt which we changed a bit to a flared skirt raised to one side showing just a hint of purple lace underskirt kinda like a very small slit on the side but not really. The general idea was to make the whole dress flow like water.
During the months of preperation Judy was using me as her hair model and would trim on the ends of my hair every other month. I said we should really cut it but she said it wasn't time for that yet and just be patient. I spent just about every waking moment working on my dress in my head or on paper if not in real time. The dress was taking shape slowly on the dress dummy. Everytime I saw it I fell in love with it more and more. I had many dreams of wearing that dress being led around the dance floor. I would wake up crying from these since I knew it could never be but they came back repeatedly again and again.
After one particularly hard night I went over to Judy's and told her and her mother I couldn't work on the dress anymore. They were very sympathetic and dragged the embarrassing story out of me. Judy's mom suggested a break instead and some retail therapy. So we went shopping in of all places the girls lingerie section. I was embarrassed at first but got into the swing of things with them as we pretended that I was buying just the right lingerie for my dream dress. After alot of laughter and such I did actually feel better and could go back to working on it the next day. We of course didn't buy anything much to the sales ladies chagrin, but it was nice I think of Judy's mom to say to her to put it on hold. I knew we wouldn't be back for it but it gave the lady hope of commission anyways.
So everytime after that when I got depressed we went shopping. Shoes took us at least three months to find just the right ones and I'm sure the shoe salesman must have thought it strange for me to be trying on heels for the first time in the store but I have to admit they were perfect for the dress.
It was in early may about a month and a half before prom that Judy and her mom told me I would wear the dress to my prom. I was flabbergasted. I got really upset with them for doing that to me. I went home and didn't answer any calls or visits from either of them for days. It was such a cruel thing to do to me. It didn't last as I couldn't be mad at them for that long at the best of times. So it was a very meek me who knocked on their door on a sunday morning. We all flew into each others arms and cried and apologized of course.
To them it seems I had always been just another girl, they had realized it during that cruise. Thus they spent most of the year helping me just like they would have any other girl to make her prom dress. It was really touching in a way. We spent the rest of may with me going over and practicing wearing a skirt and some lingerie how to sit and move like a lady. I should have resisted but some deep part of me couldn't. I have come to realize that this is really who I am. It disturbs me greatly but I also know It is something I have to do. Prom is a magical special night and I would always hate myself if I didn't at least try for it.
The day of the Prom started for me the night before at Judy's where I got waxed all over, and I mean all over. It was painful. I spent the night at Judy's in lotion and a light nightie because my skin was too sensitve to put on my normal clothes. I had never actually gone out and about dressed up as a girl but the next morning I was as Judy took me to the salon and spent most of the day with her Aunt working on my hair makeup and such to match my dress. They even glued on these realistic breasts and hide the seems so well. I think even a doctor would be fooled at first glance.
I had my pierced ears for years with tiny metal studs from when Judy had gotten her first pair. I remember holding her hand as she cried in fear at the imagined pain. I just never really thought about letting them close up. They did my toe nails and finger nails in a purple just like my dress. I got new gold earrings with tiny diamonds in them and matching necklace. Judy's mom lent me the perfect watch to go with it. So it was a very pretty girl that emerged from the salon hours later. I still cannot get used to not how much of a girl I look like but how pretty I am.
The dress felt as wonderful as I dreamed it was. The lingerie was nice and all and made me feel sexy but the dress was the big ticket for me. When I was finally led to the big mirror to see myself I broke out in tears big time. I had never once imagined I could look anything like this ever. I was happy in a way I cannot describe. I hugged them both and managed to ruin my makeup two times before Todd was to come around.
Todd was just thinking he was coming with me stag to the prom. I was really really nervous about it all. So when I heard the knock on the door that heralded his arrival I ran to the bathroom and locked myself in. I couldn't do it. It was too much. Why I didn't start to undress I don't know. I sat there on the toilet seat in my dress all made up crying again. I got shocked out of my crying when of all things there was a knock on the door. When I opened it expecting Judy but finding my mother instead I slammed it shut so hard it actually bounced open a bit and didn't lock.
I was so expecting mom to freak out on me. She didn't for some reason. I could tell she was shocked when she realized it was me but she didn't freak out.
"Im so sorry mom. I feel in love with this dress pattern and then the making and stuff I couldn't.."
"You made that dress?"
"Well yes but we made some slight changes."
She just stood there looking at me for about two minutes. Then she started to cry a little.
"You know its every mothers dream to help her daughter to get ready for her prom? Why didn't you tell me?" It seemed she was more upset that I didn't tell her about what I was doing than that I did it in first place.
"Come your makeup is a mess and if you will allow me I think I can even improve on it." My mother led me from the bathroom by hand after a bit of facial scrubbing. She redid my makeup in a way I had never tried before. I went from pretty to beautiful somehow.
"This is very special to me. Your grandmother gave this to me to wear on my prom night. I want you to wear it for both our sakes." She said as she draped over her necklace. It was a small gold heart necklace that I had never seen her ever take off.
"Don't cry sweetie you'll get me started and both our makeup will be ruined. I can't believe how beautiful you look tonight. You really are my daughter and I am so proud of you for showing me. I love you."
It was very very hard to not cry. Especially when Judy and her mom started blubbering away. So it was a troupe of girls that led me downstairs to meet Todd as myself for the very first time. He was so shocked his legs gave out and sat in a heap on the floor.
"Its Roberta but she prefers Bobbi isn't it?" My mom look at me. It wasn't really a question more of a statement. Todd got up still somewhat white faced.
"You look soo beautiful." He just stared at me. For the first time I got tingles all over at that comment nobody have ever said that to me. And I was proud and smiled. I fully expected the usual nasty comments others gave me but Todd didn't.
Of course both mothers made us pose for multiple pictures. Digital cameras are the ruin of prom nights. Mothers can just unload and keep snapping away. Todd had opted for a white tux with blue shirt. Strangely enough it complemented my dress so well. He led me to his dad's baby. Its a 1967 gt 500 replica. It looks just like that one from that Nicholas Cage movie. I don't know or care for the details I'm not a car person. He even held open the door for me as I slid in. After all my nervous practice it was fluid.
It took him a bit before he closed the door and I couldn't help myself I giggled at him. The drive should have been straight to prom but Todd stopped off at a florist where he ran in. He was in there a long time so I got out of the car to see what the problem was. He was waiting for me in the florists.
"Every beautiful prom girl deserves the best corsage. Here is yours." He attempted to put it on my wrist but was shaking so badly the florist came to his rescue and put it on my wrist instead. I was admiring it and he had this totally stupid grin on his face.
"Oh just kiss him already so you wont be late for your prom." So I did. It was just a peck on the cheek but still a kiss. He grinned if possible even wider and walked out of the store in a daze.
We arrived at the prom which was being held in the grand hotel... uhm I forget the name at moment. And he stopped the car at the valet. The valet opened the door for me and I exited gracefully. Todd rushed over and held out his arm for me which I took gratefully. I was in heaven. Even if they kicked us out at this moment I was already magic. We walked slowly up the carpeted stairs to whispers of "Who is that girl she is gorgeous" I smiled with a soul felt smile and kept walking.
Pamela the class president was sitting at the reception desk. She saw Todd and gave him his nametag without a word but didn't give me mine.
"Pamela." I said.
"Can I have my nametag as well"
"Oh I'm sorry and you are?" She looked at me in vain trying to picture who this girl is. Todd just leaned over and picked up my nametag and put it on me.
"But that's, but that means that. Oh My God!"
We left a fainted Pamela being gently tapped by her escort. I should have tried to help but after all the crap I took from her over the last three years I really couldn't care less.
The catered dinner was wonderful even though most of our table mates couldn't eat for staring at me the whole time, we enjoyed it. The fish was light flaky and well seasoned and the rice was a shame to disturb but we ate it anyways. The white house wine was just right to go with it. I was so in heaven I didn't notice a small conference of teachers shaking their heads, hands and other things looking at me.
After dinner some slow dance music came on and Todd almost dragged me out onto the dance floor. I tried resisting since I couldn't dance but he was much stronger than me. So there I was was pulled into his embrace with him looking down into my eyes and we danced. My hand on his shoulder his on my skinny waist and we just danced. Just the two of us on the floor. The night slowly progressed from there with me finding out that feet swell in heels when dancing to much. If it wasn't Todd or some guy dancing with me for slow dances it was some of my girl friends from school making me jiggle my butt away. I had a bit of a problem when the 6 of us girls made a pit stop at the ladies room. The comment that I couldn't very well use the mens room smoothed it over and that was that.
By the end of the prom I couldn't even walk without help, which Todd happily provided, I was expecting to be driven home but yet again Todd surprised me when he drove out to makeout point instead. He stopped the car and turned off the engine.
"Bobbi I should be confused and angry."
"Todd I'm sorry it just happened and.."
"Let me finish please." I sat quietly.
"This is very tough. My brain is telling me I should be confused and angry. But I'm not. Actually I think I have always known that this is who you are but I denied it. I I oh gods. Please don't feel offended or anything but. Would you .. you know. Like uhm. Possible be my girlfriend?"
"Really its just a one time...WHAT?"
"Bobbi I would love for you to be my girlfriend for what its worth. I know I am not the most popular or brainy guy in school and after tonight you could probably choose any guy you wish. But I really would like it if you would be my girlfriend."
I didn't know how to respond. It was the furthest thing from my mind. Yet ... oh hell with it. And I leaned over and kiss him on the lips.
"Is that a yes?"
My lipstick got destroyed in our passion but when I think back on it, it really just made the night all that more magical. You can actually steam up windows I thought that was just a myth. He dropped me off much later after quite a bit of fondling and kissing. The escort to my door hand in hand and the final kiss was kinda anticlimactic. Dad's flicking of the light switch cut that short though so I waved goodbye to a strobe light as Todd drove away.
"You had better have a bloody good explanation for all this." was my dads greeting. He was furious I could tell.
"Just a girl having her magical prom night daddy." was my reply. He stuttered and tried to speak but nothing came out. As I sauntered upstairs I heard the unmistakable clink of the whiskey and a glass from his den.
And that dear diary was my Magical Prom night. I'm sure tomorrow I'll get a big lecture and everything but I really don't care. I lived my dream, and I think my mothers, thanks to my friends. Even if my life gets cut short I'll die the happiest girl in the world. Maybe Ill wear that denim skirt and white boatneck top when I see Todd tomorrow. I don't know all I know is that from now on no matter what I will always be a woman.
Robert James William
P.S. Wonder what name my mom would have used if I had been born a girl? Ill have to ask her tomorrow.
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