Joe/Jaz
Come Tuesday Karen reminded me to call her gynecologist for an appointment and consultation. Karen shared she needed a minimum three days notice to get her schedule changed. I waited until 10 am and called, while it was unsettling I felt it was a cake walk compared to what it would be like going for the appointment.

I asked and then waited to speak to Dr. Harper’s head nurse. I explained to her I was Joe Stamps, Karen’s husband and wanted to meet with Dr. Harper as I needed to meet with a doctor and share concerns I had. I didn't want to say more to the nurse. Her nurse insisted if it wasn't important I should speak to my own doctor.

I finally told her, "I'm transgendered and I'm too nervous to talk with my own doctor about it."

I was told, “Dr. Marcia Harper would be open to meeting with you if you agreed for her to be Jasmine’s doctor in this matter. Marci suggests you come as Jasmine for an appointment and some tests with a consultation the following week.

I stated my wife needed three days notice to change her schedule. Nurse Terri said “That will work out as she would not be needed for the initial appointment. If I wanted her at the consultation it would give Karen plenty of time to adjust her schedule. We have a cancellation that opened a time on Thursday at 3:30 pm. and we can schedule the consultation for a week after that.

Jenn
My guitar lessons were going well as Travis challenged me during our sessions and I practiced daily. I jammed with Dad at least twice a week picking up cord sequences here and there. Dad became my biggest fan and encouragement. He would usually use the bass guitar when we jammed and his acoustical guitar if he was trying to teach me something.

He came home from work one day announcing he had volunteered us to help at the CEO’s wife, with Mrs. Doyle’s Women's Social in November. I shared with Dad that it would be Jaz accompanying me if that was okay. It really wasn’t offered as an option.

Wanda communicated directly with me and shared while my first song was a nice safe piece, she suggested after that something more upbeat and affirming of what being a woman should follow. There was a country ballad we agreed to. I shared Jasmine would accompany me, but if I was able I too would be playing guitar. She assured me that would be super with Mrs. Doyle.

I was happy to hear after my parents’ weekend away, things were to be going back to normal. It was nice to see Dad in a new light. I liked him being happy, learning of his music side and even a little of Jaz was nice, but the boobs and how often it happened was a bit much in a short time for my siblings and me.

I was surprised come Halloween parties, exceptions had already been made. Dad said he was forced by someone to come as Barbara Mandrel, whoever she was. Then Mom insisted he entertains at her hospital. I guess Mom and a cousin had sung backup as the Mandrel Sisters. “You mean Dad sang as the lead singer.”

Mom said, “When Jaz impersonates a singer she does pretty good; give her another song and she needs to impersonate another singer or sing back-up.” Mom demonstrated that reality for us kids with Dad singing on his own was classified as “cruel and unusual punishment.” Though it was not really that bad, we just did not want it to be encouraged; but over time the new smiling Joe/Jasmine both made a significant improvement.

It was good to sing at Mrs. Doyle’s social and it confirmed that Dad would pass as Jaz and not my Dad in drag. Jaz and the women at the Social thought the image of a girl caring for a brother was powerful as I sang, "He Ain't Heavy He's My Brother' beautifully sung. Then I sang “Man, I feel Like a Woman” which surprised me to see the women, many with silver and blue tints in their hair get into the song. When asked for one more I began to say, “I would like my dad to play and I just sing... Sorry Jaz, I forgot who was with me; the song is ‘At Seventeen’.” I surmised that Wanda knew the truth, but I was hoping the damage was limited.

Mrs. Doyle wanted to show her appreciation with a nice check but Jaz shared that needed to go to the school’s music program for now. Mrs. Doyle sent me a gift card for Maurice’s a few days later.

While I regularly sang in Chorus and played in the school band until the School Variety Show I had been lost in the crowd and back up quartets. When I sang “He Ain’t Heavy”, it was cool that the other members of chorus and band noticed me.

Rhonda and someone from the audience yell for me to sing “Seventeen”. It was then I realized how much I identified with the song, and as I finished I looked at Jaz who accompanied me and I ran off the stage crying. Jaz came over to me as did Mom and asked what was troubling me. And I told him, “I always wondered why I could talk to you about some things. I now realized my Dad had many of the same feelings, not knowing he was also Jaz.”

Jaz caught her breath and was going to burst into tears but excused herself and asked if Mom could bring the guitar and stuff. Dad was locked in their bedroom when we got home, while his crying had stopped, he was still unsure of himself.

Mom had complimented me on the way home, sharing I had touched something in him so profoundly. We first went to the after-show party, and I am glad we went, as I got many nice strokes (kudos). I was sure when we got home that Dad would only be comfortable talking to Mom. I shared I hoped I could talk to her before I went to bed but gave them their time and space.
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When we got home helped my brother and sisters got ready for bed. Megan as she realized what was going on and that we needed to talk and she took the time to listen. By the time we were finished talking, Mom said Dad/Jaz was open to talking with me.

As I mentioned, "I was sorry to cause a problem Dad" Mom gave me a hug. “Jaz and I are both happy for what happened and Jaz is probably experiencing as many tears of joy that she can’t explain away as anguish.”

While I was visiting with Dad we were hugging so much at one point and his breasts started to heat up and I was now about to freak out. “Dad, how is it possible that you are getting hot?” After Dad explains we both had a good laugh and got back to our discussion.

I butted in and shared “There are some things that Jaz could keep to herself.”

Dad asked, “Jenn, does it disturb you to think I understand some things that maybe I shouldn’t as a dad?”

I listened as he shared both as a guy and as Jaz how he thought being TG has helped him in understanding and to grow in sensitivity. I paused and thought it made some sense. “Dad, I think Mom is your first line of support, but I want to be here for you as well as to be able to come to you. I wouldn’t mind if Jaz and I went out to shop sometime and took time to eat and for girl talk.”

Jaz was tearing up again and I suggested she needed to get off her make-up and get ready for bed, I would just sit with her if it was okay. She asked me to get a nightgown if I would. When I came back she was down to her bra and ready to take off her skirt and she realized she had gone a bit too far and paused.

“I’m sorry”… he began to say “and I meant my pajamas.” I gave her a hug and said "I suspect the boundaries are going to be a little gray at times. I suggest you take a shower and decide afterward who's going to be sleeping in the bed."

Mom was back in by that time and she shared whichever is most helpful. Mom gave me a hug and kiss, and said, “She would be in, in a moment, to say goodnight.”

Karen
I was as surprised more so than Jaz or Jenn as I saw the feelings overwhelming Joe/Jaz. I put being a “mom” at the forefront while I was at the school for Jenn and our other children. I felt guilty and insensitive as I wondered how long Jaz was suppressing those feelings. I knew what the stress could do to Joe's health.

I had a mixture of thoughts and feelings about how I was the one usually alone and hurting when Jaz came out. I did not understand how many things she/he had gone through that I never even thought of, ‘If a regular girl got anxious about how others looked at her and we do… I thought while Jaz usually looked pretty good as a girl for a boy, Jaz sees herself and wants to be seen as a regular girl.’

Jaz asked me to help take her forms off, but I asked if it was okay if I did it in the morning. “I just want to cuddle with you tonight.”

I had come to know Joe in his sophomore year in college. He attended a neighboring college and was part of a popular band covering our region, The White Waters. Joe was not the lead singer but he was a very good guitarist and one of their more colorful members. He usually wore a silk or satin shirt or blouse which was often halfway down the front.

Very few local or regional bands dared adopt the popular style of some big singers wearing fancy or more provocative clothing or sporting certain looks using make-up. Most that tried went down in flames but White Waters were musically and professionally so good they could crossover very well. I was one of three women who helped Joe make better selections of tops and the group as a whole make better use of make-up. Joe pushed the boundaries but did not go too far overboard.

He got accused of being a femme gay guy, but he had too many women interested in him for most to take it seriously. Only a few times did his detractors seek to fight about it. While he did lose one fight to a much bigger guy, he actually gained respect for not backing down.

I was the first who got caught up in Jenn’s interest in the guitar and hoped it would reignite the flame in Joe. Bringing out Jaz was like playing with fire and a large Barbie Doll with sexual undertones.

The night Joe’s Mom saw Jasmine as her son was an eye-opener for all of us. What I thought started with a cute rock guitarist in college was already visible in his high school band group. Marge Stamps shared she knew about as early as when he was 8. That came out of the clear blue. I easily got excited and saw it as sexy.

But there were more than a few times I wondered if it meant he was gay or I was a lesbian. Our weekend away not only gave Jaz experience as a woman but helped assure me that I was heterosexual with the exception of Jaz, even there the experience was special because Jaz and Joe were one and the same.)

Jenn
Thanksgiving was special, I sang the Sunday before, at church, our church was generally kind of staid and stuffy, the congregation actually enjoyed it when a guitar was played slow. People relaxed and enjoyed the services immensely. During the last service, Dad played the guitar for the professional to end the service as I was asked to walk out with the Pastor to greet people.

Recently a great singer had died an untimely death and her funeral service was in the church where she grew up singing. The pastor asked me, "If that could happen in a church like ours?"

I truthfully answered, “Not until a singer can grow up singing out of her soul in the church she grew up in!”

He asked me if he could quote me at the next board meeting. I agreed he could use my words and say they came from a member. I was pretty sure Dad would get any blame that came down.

The Thanksgiving celebration at our home with both sets of grandparents and the extended family dropping over, became the best in years as Joe played most songs as I played some on the guitar. Mom chimed in on a keyboard and most who wanted sang.

The Stamps were not great singers until it came to us the grandchildren, but everyone was a joyful singer. Joe said they made a joyful noise that sounded good because of love. I was glad that my folks relaxed and enjoyed themselves. I know Mom was long overdue to have a warm loving partner.

Mom and Dad slept that night in my room as my Mom’s parents slept in my parent’s room and Grand Stamps slept in the guest room. Mom, Megan and I went out early shopping on Black Friday.

But Grandma walked into my room wanting an explanation of the extra women’s clothing in our closet. Dad getting up wearing a silk nightgown answered most of her original questions. She surprised Joe by closing the door and visiting with him as he was. They ended their visit by her brushing out his hair.

Joe did not push it as he put on a football sweatshirt and jeans. During the afternoon Grandma Robins painted the nails of Cathy and Megan. When she went to paint Joe’s nails, he was sleeping through a football game. Ma’s dad was the only one grumbling and others just ignored him.

Grandma Stamps painted Dan’s nails with the requirement that both men left their nails polished till after breakfast the next day. Saturday’s breakfast was traditionally eaten out at a public restaurant.

Little did anyone know about the chemise and panties Dad wore under his guy clothes. I did suggest, he wears a sweater in the restaurant less someone would see the outline of his underclothes. Joe did not believe it was a problem until I told him the suggestion came very strongly from his other daughters and Mom as well.

Come the following day before church Pastor Ted asked Dad and me if we would head up a Youth centered Advent/Christmas program for the third Sunday evening of December. He knew of a woman doctor who would be home for Christmas the first time in seven years. She too wanted to help as a leader.

While there was more than enough fun contemporary Christian Christmas music, Dad thought the Dr and youth could put together a powerful story that would sensitize the youth to the needs of Christ’s world family. Dad said not everyone might like what the youth wanted to do.

He and Pastor John talked and they agreed the youth program was different from the cute traditional children’s Christmas program.

Dad had been upset that Dr. Martha had to handle tragic situations yearly because mission money was often held back to the last of the years’ giving. Sometimes they even gave less then they had committed the Church to do.

Dr. Marti Somers had written a moving script that Dad wanted to adapt for Christmas and the youth. Dad first asked me if I thought the youth would be willing to do it.

I stated, "As long as we can leave the bathrobes and halos for the little children’s program, I think they will give it a fair shake.

After the first reading of the play, their two requests were the role of the missionary doctor be played by my Mom or Dr. Somers herself. Their second request was to use contemporary music and put it into the setting of worship. Mom agreed to do the part of the doctor only if Dr. Martha turned it down.

Dr. Somers knew Dad from the Mission Committee and from his band days. She met him several times in the Philadelphia area. She asked if Dad’s hair was long enough to mess with. As she said he was like a brash Afrikaner she knew humbled by AIDS and Malaria.

Martha arrived to stay with us beginning Tuesday, three weeks before Christmas. Dad and I picked her up from the airport. Martha pushed a package over to dad and shared it was important he begins wearing it in the morning as he'd wear it for the play. Dad agreed readily but didn’t like the smile on Dr. Marti’s face.

We were still at the airport when dad agreed and Dr. Marti had him opened the package. He said he would do it but he couldn’t figure out what it was. I was the first that had recognized and announce it's a baby bump.

Unbeknownst to Dad, Wanda had returned on a business flight had walked up behind them. Dad shared while he could possibly wear it in the evening, there was no way he could wear it at work. Wanda spoke up saying, "Since I have co-opted him into our division I am more than happy to approve it up to your Christmas program."

Mom was not initially happy with the idea and asked why it couldn’t be a male Afrikaner as originally in the script.

Dr. Marti explained, “It plays on the original Christmas story and that there's more empathy for a pregnant woman with a child caught in unexpected circumstances.” She said, "The circumstances are very real and tragic for women of certain problems. The medications and procedure to save a mother and child exist. So it's needless for the mother and child to die."

"But alas in a third world country at a mission field hospital Marti wasn’t able to get the needed medicine for enough mothers even with her own money. One of the hardest things I do as a doctor is to sit up with a dying woman and would be the child who did not need to die."

What made it more interesting was the high school youth did not wait for their Christmas program to respond. They were soon on the agenda of the next church board, 1) to see if the mission commitments had been paid. 2) They also were asking friends from other churches to attend their service.

I took my siblings to school as Mom and Martha helped Dad to get ready for work. Martha had brought with her one large maternity top and a waist extender for a skirt. Jaz would need to stop at a maternity shop after work. Mom and Marti agreed to take him maternity shopping after work.

Mom made Jaz’ makeup bright and healthy, fixed her hair and sent her off to work. Dad was reporting exclusively to Wanda’s department. Many of the office women like Maggie and Liz came over to see the more feminized version. By eleven besides going to the bathroom more, Dad was having a headache and back pains. Wanda had anticipated the problems and offer Dad two prescription pills and a back rub. Dad was back for the medicine before he left work.

Dr. Somers, Wednesday through Friday, stayed with us at night but visited churches and groups each day into the evening. She wanted Dad not to harp on his problems nor to get into a pity mood but feel like a woman the need to live within reality. Come Thursday night, Dad felt he was being sensitized, but he knew he was not going to die nor lose a child.

Dad’s visit to the maternity department of a store was a learning experience: he needed to get maternity pantyhose and panties. Jaz actually liked the appearance of several dresses and bought two. Several women enjoyed talking to Jaz and showing her things like their nursing bras and stretch marks. They laughed when Jaz said she was having the baby in another Sunday.

It was Friday morning that Dr. Somers add another 8 pounds to Dad’s front. She giggled saying his complexion had the glow of a pregnant woman. Dad shared his chest was having empathy for the change because the breast forms grew heavier.

Dad would have one more week of being a pregnant woman. Come Saturday Marti and Mom taught Jaz to stretch and they gave her a massage. Dad asked Marti if she had one more bit of advice. Marti said, “It’s too bad you don’t have an insensitive man in your life who would tell you ‘to be a man and just suck it up and live with it’.” Mom and Marti laughed, but Jaz became melancholy.

Wanda was out to enjoy Dad’s last week as an expecting mom at work, sharing her medication, back rubs and today took him to a 1  ½ hour lunches. Several pills she gave during the week were to help the pregnant woman to lactate though she had not told him. There was a surprise baby shower with most gifts going to a center for mothers in need.

Mrs. Doyle had spoken to Wanda about a holiday social she was having and wondered how to get a hold of Jaz to ask her to play for the event. Wanda informed Joe of the request an hour before work ended; saying she looked forward to seeing Jasmine again on Wednesday so she could work a little before going to the Social.

Sunday, Dad missed worship but was dressed as a pregnant mom for the Youth Advent/Christmas program. Some visiting young people were a bit taken back seeing a pregnant woman helping to lead their program, especially when she picked up the guitar. I helped Jaz play a medley of Christmas songs that the children sang along with.

Dr. Somers was now the “Cool Mama”. The program was interactive; youth enjoyed recognizing the difference between the secular holiday and the spiritual celebration.

Finally came the unfolding play and now Jaz was cast into a third-world reality with Dr. Somers. Many of the high school students acted as caring staff or as some of the patients who were helped and thankful. Though they had walked many miles and waited from six hours to another day to be seen.

Jaz’ character, a real woman Dr. Marti had known, she had come to the hospital to deliver her baby but she had a complication and was one of three moms at the hospital who would end up dying. Her condition with the fistula would have been treatable if the medicine had come on-time, but the shipping of that medication was being delayed until it could be paid for in February.

Jaz as a patient would not be told, but the audience knew. A guy named Nathan spoke up insightfully, “It was similar to Mary being asked to reside in a stable.” Dr. Martha at the mother’s request delivered the baby with a C-section, but the mother would die because of the complications.

While an offering had been received earlier in the service, high school youth leading the program suggested a freewill offering be given by the audience as they were going to a fellowship time. The first offering was but token gift of just under $45 total. With some 85 youth in attendance and half as many adults the second offering came to $984.

Monday at school, talk at the junior high and high school included the play at the youth program. One School nurse and counselor heard the news and received permission to have the play at school on Thursday, though it needed to be in a completely secular void of Nativity innuendos.

Wednesday, Dad would be Jaz the musician and Thursday, Jaz, as the pregnant woman and would be a mom. Jaz always loved playing Silent Night on the guitar, stating that was the way it was originally sung with guitar accompaniment. Thursday was by far and away the most moving of all the days. Some one thousand students saw the play and questions were allowed.

When it was learned that a man, my Dad, played the pregnant woman; a reporter asked him, “Do you feel more like you understood the needs of women better?”

He said, “Any insight I gain through a few hours or days was dealing more with my ego and how easily I became frustrated or tired. Yes, I have more empathy for the plight of women and the burden of an expecting mother. But I think it would take much longer, months not days for me, any man, to gain appreciable understanding.”

The reporter asked, “Would you be willing to undertake that experience?”

“I am sure my employer and family would frown on my undertaking such an experience!” Why that last question and answer got so much press I don’t know. But it would come back to bite his company and my Dad.

Steve and Rick the founders of the White Waters Band made contact with Dad after seeing his name in the media. They were planning a nostalgia tour for the White Waters Band beginning February 3, an anniversary of the day the Music Died.

Many things came out of Marti’s play, many experienced the story speaking to them about others, especially in the third world news and concerns closer by. Come January, our church adopted a new year’s budget and members of three other churches requested that their caring for others should be increased and be paid on schedule throughout the year. Each also asked to increase hands-on ministry experiences.

A group of members from my church challenged that the youth’s Christmas program was too close to sexuality issues. They wanted assurance that would not be permitted in the future. Dad was asked to apologize for how it was handled.

I chose my forum to be the church’s annual meeting attended by a good representation of members.

“I am Jenn Stamps, I and my parents are members and I am active in coming to worship and youth fellowship and Sunday school but I was not always regularly. My Dad neither chose to participate as the pregnant woman in our youth program nor that his identity is revealed at the school’s performance. He responded to Dr. Somers’ request with the agreement of the youth. I trust that God brought good from both events. I will not apologize and I would be against my Dad doing so."

“I didn’t ask my dad, but Pastor John, if I could speak. I believe the fruit of that evening and the program at school were inspired by God. I respect those who differ with me; I suspect I once would have sided with them. A number of people within our church families are probably waiting to see if there is a place for them within our congregation.”

“I will neither apologize nor seek to draw lines between our members. Nor do I think that the response for mission giving should suffer. My father spoke up for mission giving for years and backed his words by participating as requested.” I was trembling as I walked back to my seat, where I cried.

Two members Mom and I knew and trusted were ready to speak after me. They came down in different places as far as what they believed, but they were unified that the church should be unified in Christ. Tom the more evangelical of the two people said, “None of us are perfect in understanding or living out our lives that is why we live in faith and unity with Christ Jesus.”

We were glad that the church did approve the proposed mission program for the year. No actual motion was made regarding an apology or future programs.

Dad was called into the head corporate office at work that Monday morning and told they approved his extended pregnancy experience as long as he did it 24/7. Unbeknownst to him the Ledger writer and a woman from Public Broadcasting had been doing the groundwork to utilize Dad as male mom surrogate. Once again his quote, “as willing to do it, if both my family and my employer would approve” came back to bite him. Mr. Doyle personally told Dad, "You better not disappoint my wife."

Come the weekend of February 3, Dad would be with the White Waters Band to begin their six weeks. He had been a member five of their ten-year history. They had the option to drop him if his mock pregnancy became a distraction.

Having a short time back with the Band hit dad’s interest, but 6-7 months as a ‘would be mom’ did not. Mom and our family were supportive of this decisions.

Jenn, Rhonda and now Sara on the keyboard and as a lead singer became the nucleus of our band. Robin took to the rhythm guitar, Jaci was our utility member covering several instruments and headed up the background singing. Both Sara and Jenn loved playing off Jaci as they sang. Sara focused on Country and Pop while Jenn usually was lead for Rock, Pop, and duets. They appropriately settled on the group name of “Mind Changers”.

The Mind Changers had our first gig the Friday before Valentine’s Day; we were to be the #2 band, thus the opening performance. While the other band had a very good sound, that lasted four songs and their set lasted only another six songs. Dad must have realized that as he suggested we not fully tear down as a band. He said it would do us well to listen to the better band.

During their next to the last song, dad had us set our stuff back in place. We set dad up as a third guitar. He suggested with Jace and Sara on the keyboard and Rhonda on the drums we could handle most any song the singers were comfortable with. And it was true. I had become a good guitarist by now. Upon the ending of the last song that the other band limped through, we began to play. It was suggested the other band take a break and let us know when they were ready again.

Many girls enjoyed our range of selections. The guys thought we were a novelty being a girl band and came to see what we looked like. They agreed we played and sounded better than the other band. We were supposed to be paid $75 but we were given the $50 bonus for performing above the expectations.

The Mind Changers thanked Dad for all he did, but since we were an all-girl band, Jaz better be ready to play or the band needed to be ready to live with the consequences.

The first night of the White Waters Reunion Tour, Dad was held out until the second set of songs. He was a bit disappointed but truly he was not there their first year. Joe was there as they grew and became a force in their region. Dad’s satin and silk shirts were quickly popular again, but it wasn't until March they became blouses. Their Tour was to be extended to ten weeks.

Dad reiterated to the White Waters band he would play as often as he could, but that he was crew chief and sound-man helping The Mind Benders. One night we were again the first group playing, so Dad dressed as Jaz, so he could play for the White Waters some forty-five minutes away. They featured Jaz and Mom after their break.

After our performance we loaded our van and Rhonda’s mom took it home. Sara’s parents took us to see the White Waters Band. You can imagine the surprised and happy looks when we danced in front of them.

It became a little harder for us to handle, Jaz’ skirt was the shortest I had seen yet. Her top was Dad’s traditional silk/satin top open in the front. Jaz did have a bra on, but I was not use to seeing her this hot.

Despite family, work/school and bands, we had worked hard and were fairly successful in achieving our new normal. Dad was not very comfortable with more people coming to see him as being transgendered. But one nice perk was Mom would often sing two numbers on performance nights with White Waters. Half of those times Dad as Jaz could sing behind her.

The band found it funny that Dad did better singing as a woman than Joe did as a guy. Two different nights they had Dad sing as a female background singer, for the second half of the show. Many in the audience like the sound but wondered where the singer had come from; most not remembering the few times Jaz played with the band.

There were a number of songs the band had done over time that had a female voice. The band traditionally had simply used their male back-up singers. Rarely when they originally performed did acknowledge Joe using female voices. It was all good as it gave the band a freshness and many songs to help to keep the nights interesting for the band and the audience.

Week nine Karen and Jaz came to a performance wearing gifts from Bridgette back in Africa. They were dress tops for African woman. Accompanied by a note, “The women of a village had their dance and asked me to join them. When I joined them walls came down. I am now accepted as one among them, they painted my upper torso and James responded appropriately come the end of the evening. May these gifts express our abiding thanks? P.S. Please pray a child comes in the future, blessed by God with our new family.”

Late March found Jaz again waiting in Dr. Harper’s reception area. This time I was along and quite happy as she was becoming a pregnant woman. Jaz was the one squirming like a man sitting in a gynecologist’s office. I admit it was a bit strange as a thirteen year old to be there with my Dad, but my mother was there also.

Dad’s nipples or breasts had begun to hurt or become sensitive. Dr. Marci upon examining Dad concluded that his breasts were beginning to bud. Dad denied taking anything, suffering under my mother’s cynical stare. Dr. Harper left Dad and Mom alone to ponder the possibilities of what happened and what it meant for the future.

Dad had actually wondered if Karen had done something. She had actually brought up the idea of him becoming pregnant using his sperm and her eggs.

Mom had wondered because Dad very much enjoyed his times as Jaz and he had wondered aloud what if? Was Dad experimenting without Mom’s knowing? There were now two prescriptions of birth control medicine in the house, and other products that had female steroids.

It took awhile for them to become comfortable that neither had been used. It was then Dad remembered the unnamed pills Wanda gave him; they had an uncanny resemblance to my birth control pills. When Dad shared the possibility with Dr. Harper, and she sought to cover her laughter as did my mother.

“Well I hope you learned not to take other people’s prescriptions. I think you will be okay as long as you do not continue to misuse them.” Dr. Harper did take it as an opportunity to talk to me about becoming pregnant, as well as Karen and my sexual activities.

Dr. Harper placed Dad in the stir-ups for part of his exam. Mom had shared they had experimented with Dad increasing his erogenous zones. This last time two months ago when she felt around his erogenous areas she saw little response beyond a healthy male. “I see you have worked to build up your sensitivity in some of these areas?” She also wanted to know if anyone other than Karen and been in him; that was not the case since October.

She had the nurse use a fake vagina to get another two vials of sperm and a dildo to take pictures in his rectum and to keep the hole viable. She did suggest he stay active as a male husband as well, “I do not mean more children for Karen.”

“If you are considering the experience of a longer term pregnancy as was talked of earlier or becoming pregnant as a male as Karen has suggested. I need to be honest and say now is better that 2-3 years from now. While I am not suggesting it, I believe medically I owe you the responsibility of informing you of the possibilities.

“With the baby bump you do not have the ability to experience the delivery of a baby; the possibility of you producing milk, nursing a new born, and experiencing the ceasing of milk production would be within the possibility of such an experience. "

“Our hospital or another area hospital would likely have a new born in need of nursing. Ethically, having examined you, the only reason to medically rule you out of this possibility would relate to your gender dysphoria and psychological effects it might have upon you and family.” Dr. Harper said, “Personally, it would be simpler for you or you and Karen to say ‘No, you are not participating in this.’”

Technically it is possible in one of two ways to impregnate a man with a fertile egg. Your delivery of a baby would be by C-section. You would have the possibility of most of the symptoms of a pregnant woman. The ramifications for you and the whole family should be a significant to a major concern.”

“The same reasons I caution you not to do it, is the same reason I will leave the decision up to you two. I do not want to do psychological damage to your personality by my saying “No or Yes”. I believe it is in the interest of your health to make the decision and live with the implications as you would so choose.”

She said, "I have consulted with your wife about the impact upon her, your immediate family and her opinion about you going through this. Karen says, “You're usually unwilling to personally say ‘no’ leaves you with the healthy responsibility of saying yes. It needs to be you affirming your desire, willingness to do it, or to be healthy and change your decision and say ‘no’.

“Joe/Jasmine, I do not think you are two different people. I believe you should weigh and decide for a healthy positive choice. I believe a healthy experience as Jasmine is as much in the interest of Joe as it would be detrimental experience for Joe or Jasmine.”

Joe looked to Karen and knew he had her support and love either way. Joe hugged her hand, faced Dr. Darla and said “Yes, as much as it is out of my comfort zone, I think I can and should do this. I want to wait a minimum of a week to confirm my decision.”

Karen phoned home and shared we were going out to dinner tonight in prelude to announcing something special after dinner. She then called a restaurant requesting a private setting for our family; both sets of grandparents had been invited and hopefully would be there. Jaz was plainly dressed in a long blue skirt and printed blouse and Karen suggested Jaz wear a two strand gold necklace and simple earrings. So after Jaz had changed, the family road to the restaurant and met the grandparents. Drinks and food were ordered before Karen stood and shared.

"Joe and I have decided that he would again undergo the ordeal of acting as a pregnant woman. But this time it will be over a prolonged period of months. We expect over this time and possibly from here out people will see or believe him to be a transgendered person. Some of the implications and burdens of this experience will not only fall upon Jaz but us as family as well. Dad’s work place has agreed to this as well. He has not shared this yet with others. He will be living as Jasmine night and day over the next months. His being Jaz in many ways has become familiar to us.”

Cathy broke in “Why does it sound like something bad is happening?” Dan wondered the same thought.

Megan spoke up, “Some people do not like it when Dad acts as a woman, even more will be upset when he tries to live with us as a woman. We're likely to be teased and made fun of as well as Dad.” When the drinks and salads began to come, Mom shared we would talk more about this when the meal was over. The two grandpas did not wait to continue the discussion. Both of them thought it was kind of foolish but my dad's Dad shared he and grandma would be behind us. Granddad Robins said he did not want their family name to receive a black-eye from it.

Dan asked if people were going to fight over it. While the children all finished their meals and ordered dessert, none of the adults did.

During the trip home Dad suggested that he probably should change his mind. Megan, Karen and Jenn all quickly spoke up and said that would be the wrong decision. “Dad,” Megan said, “I am the daughter who has been the most uncomfortable with this, but to change your mind would be wrong. You decided the right thing for you and Mom supports you. I think to change your mind for the wrong reason does not make it the decision right.” Dad pulled the van over and did all he could not to burst into tears. Mom changed seats with him and drove home.

When we got home Mom told Jaz to get ready for bed and plan to sleep in the family room. It was a family tradition if someone felt hurt for them to sleep in the family room so those in support of them could gather round bringing their blankets and pillows and sleep with the person. Jaz did not want to do that, often the hurt child did not either. Karen told him that sleeping elsewhere was not an option.

Apart from the others Karen told Jasmine to take off her make-up, take care of her skin and hurry back wearing a set of teddy bear pajamas. “You do have your gaff on don’t you? You won’t need your bra on.” She checked on Jaz as she got ready to sleep.

Mom and I already had two comforters down for nesting and some throw pillows as well as ones from our beds. There was another piled of blankets and quilts to use as covers or more cushion. Cathy rushed back into the room carrying a stuffed animal and blankie. She hugged her Dad around the leg and told him, he had nice girly legs. They were soft and smooth, her hands slipped up his legs. Karen told her not to put her hands there. Mom told Jaz to shush and just lay down.

Meg claimed, “I didn’t notice before you have nice hips for a boy girl.” Jenn shared, “That’s from too much office work, but it will make the next few months prettier.” Megan asked, “So Daddy/Mom what are you sad about?”

“Well I am kind of sad that I will disappoint you. Others might tease you because your Dad is acting like a woman, saying things like I look like a Sissy.”

Cathy, “Would you feel better if we prayed that you would be happy during this time and looked pretty and like a real woman?” Dan, “We will miss seeing you dad but we know you are still there under the surface. I think there are more guys who would like to look like girls part of the time. It’s not fair; they don’t judge girls for wearing guys stuff.”

Jenn, “I think it is neat we have such a sensitive Dad. I am looking forward to being there for you and enjoying this part of you.”

Karen, “You have smiled more and been a much warmer parent as Dad and Jaz.”

Cathy’s hand had slipped under Jaz' top and she was content touching the breasts, “How come your nipples don’t change when I rub them… Oh I spoke too soon.” Everyone began to laugh, but Cathy wondered what was so funny. Mom now encouraged everyone to snuggle up and help make dad feel warm and happy.

Come morning Karen asked Jaz to take time to help Cathy and Dan get ready for school. She was keeping him home from work at least for the morning. She had told the Jenn and Megan in front of Jaz that she's going to have her hair styled more like a mom.

Jaz and Karen went for a light brunch and then to the salon. It's Patti who would be working on Jaz as mom had Jan as usual. Patti started with a facial with defoliants, a heavy dose of moisturizers and skin conditioners. While Jaz was under a mask she had another woman work on her nails. Jaz could not help but enjoy her toes, fingers and face from being pampered though tears were welling up. Patty tapped Karen to see, Karen squeezed Jaz' hand, “I hope those are happy tears.”

“But I shouldn’t be crying,” he told Karen.

Karen joyfully said, “Sorry but we left that guy at home and brought Jaz with us.” They now sat Jaz in the chair next to Karen and began to work on each's hair. They put in some highlights in Jaz’ along with quite a few extensions. Then cut, shaped and set her hair with various size curlers.

Her reception at work with Wanda and the other people in her section, predominately women as well as the office women was very warm. Jaz appearance because of a slight change in color and style helped them to see her and this experience as new. Joe was not seen as presently working it was Jaz. Both her personality and their response to her changed significantly and worked well with all they had to do. Come Friday the office was full steam ahead on their new project. The other women treated Jaz to lunch on Friday, as Mr. Doyle sent down a note that whatever we were doing we should keep up.

Friday night Jaz sought the impossible, to perform as Joe for White Waters. Come Saturday she was all Jaz with an open silk blouse, and she was quite the diva. She and the band had fun. White Waters had their contract extended through the month.

Jaz decided she would miss most of it as she wanted to be the set-up person for Jenn and the Mind Changers. One night Robin came up sick and Jenn with the approval of the other band girls had Jaz fill in. It was fun watching Jenn play off of Jaz for the performance.

Jaz was the one who fielded most of the calls and insulting mail they received, at least she thought she did the first three months. Jaz, Jenn or Karen would patrol the morning lawn for tampons and napkins discarded as insults. The beginning of April the baby bump increased by small but noticeable amounts. Jaz was into the flow of being a female and happier and more natural than previously remembered.

Several times she got lost in playing dolls and house with Cathy, or helping Megan to change around her room. Megan was our dancer and girly girl, she loved Jaz taking time to watch her practice or to try new outfits or new arrangements of old ones. She, Jenn and Karen all enjoyed working with Jaz, her hair, make-up and clothes. Jaz became their life-size Barbie. Not everyone at church was happy with us, but come Easter Sunday Jazz was up to watch Jenn's part in the sunrise service. She found a beautiful dress that complimented her baby bump.

Joe always gave Karen a beautiful corsage and this Easter was no exception. What was different was Karen had bought one for Jaz as well. There were times Karen wished Joe was there, but found herself enjoying Jaz. Privately Joe was sometimes there for Karen.

The little things Karen did for her or Jaz for her, she noticed and appreciated in ways Joe had not. Karen had worried about being able to love and relate to him as Jaz. And began again wondering about if it meant she was a lesbian. Karen still a little uncomfortable with the thought it she was a lesbian. But Karen found herself enjoying the love of Jasmine. The tenderness and thoughtfulness she receive from her knowing it was a healthy change for Joe. Yes, we have talked about it and Joe seems to do better, after all Joe and Jaz were the same person. Karen hadn’t thought their love could have gotten better than it had been. But there are more times each loving the other was much better and they would surprise each other in wonderful ways.

WANDA
I have taken a liking to Joe being femme in the person of Jaz and I for one would like to see it continue and run deeper. I am sorry that she has stopped asking for my pills. I think they helped some and the little neck massage did help her headaches. Mrs. Doyle has taken a liking to her too, though at first she wasn’t sure Jaz and Joe were one and the same. I liked her idea of sharing samples of a feminine deodorant with some female hormones laced in. I gave an applicator to Jaz and have asked her to use it as we make important presentations and attend meetings as her deodorant does fade during the day. I giggled and willingly shared another stick for when she plays with her band.

I enjoy the times we get to personally visit and I am hoping to share with her that I too am transgender kind of. Though many thought I was a boy and I started life being raised as one, my true identity was discovered as I moved into puberty. Jaz wasn’t so fortunate but I think she is enjoying the change. I hope she appreciates the little help I have given. I don’t mean to force it upon her, but I don’t mind giving her a nice push to my way of thinking.

MEGAN
Wow, how I thank the day Jenn took up the guitar and we got to see the other side of Dad. I am not saying I want Dad or a boyfriend 24/7 like Jaz, but I am girly and I have enjoyed the change. I have not enjoyed the negative comments, but I can’t say Jaz has been embarrassing me. I enjoy that we have been able to shop together. It was far-out and strange getting lingerie for Jaz or nicer things for me as I am growing up.

Giving her make-up and fashion tips has been enjoyable and sometimes funny. Dad always showed up for my dance recitals but whether it is as Dad or Jaz, he’s more really there and interested. His compliments on what I do and how I look are more sincere.

As softball season begins, I like playing catch with Jaz and sharing time with Jenn. Pouncing on Dad and finding out that he’s developing a bit more as Jaz is startling and exciting. I was surprised so much that I could not stop trying to tickle her or to see how much her budding nipples might respond. That may not be a healthy response of a daughter to her Dad. I still would rather grow up and look like my Mom but to look like Jaz in most ways would be okay with me.