SUMMARY: Charlie’s life has become miserable. Nothing is going his way and he is trapped in a place where he cannot possibly escape. On top of his conflicting issues he is beginning to suffer from terrible nightmares along with family revelations he never thought to be true.
His eyes opened quickly. The first thing that came into view was his bedroom door. His heart slowed down as he exhaled into his pillow. It was just a dream. He thought. Well of course it was! His eye’s swirled about in their sockets like a startled animals as he rolled over onto his back and licked the inside of his mouth.
That usual morning taste was in his mouth and he couldn’t wait to get his hands on his toothbrush. He looked at the clock to see that it was 11:47.a.m. He surely had slept in but then again he wasn’t surprised as he didn’t get a wink the night before. Then it came back to him. His ears felt as if they were filling up with steaming hot blood and his joints froze like ice as the previous day’s events came flooding back to him.
The voice of Dave echoed at the back of his mind. Does she know, your sister? Does she have any idea what you really are? How many times have you dressed up in your sisters clothes Charlie? Hmm? Once, twice, dozens of times?
He closed his eyes again and clenched his fists and toes. The previous day felt like an odd nightmare that had escaped from his mind and become some twisted form of reality. He could feel his skin beginning to boil all over, steaming up the inside of his bed as if it were a pressure cooker ready to explode. He had no desire to do anything but curl up into a ball and stay in bed all day.
‘’Give me a kiss babe.’’
‘’I — w-why?’’
‘’Because I need one.’’
‘’Did that actually happen?’’ Charlie whispered to himself.
He began to wonder if he had imagined the entire day before because the events somehow felt disconnected from his consciousness, mind and soul. It felt like the thorn in his life so far, the one horrible day that might not have even occurred. The behaviour of Dave seemed to overtly irrational and insane that it made Charlie question if it was all an act, if it even happen of course.
He slid out of the bed. His hot feet touched the ground like magma against water. He could feel the now all-too-familiar itch on the inside of his thigh. He winced as he scratched at it gently, feeling cold shivers of ease running down his spine. The room was dark, stuffy and seemed smaller and more claustrophobic that ever.
He walked to the curtains and let the light pour in. The feeling of the boiling rays of sunshine against his sweaty, sticky face made him feel even filthier. He really needed to shower. So he did. As he stripped down in the shower, urinated and scrubbed his teeth vigorously he began to scratch the itch on his inner-thigh once again. He looked down to see that the skin where he had been scratching was beginning to redden and become coarse, deformed and a little scabbed.
‘’What — the -,’’
Suddenly there was a knock on the door, ‘’Charlie are you in there?’’ called Rachel.
‘’Y-Yeah I just need to wash first. I’ll be down in a few minutes!’’
‘’Yeah well hurry up!’’ said Rachel.
He sighed and threw his towel on the floor in annoyance.
‘’I won’t be long!’’ he shouted.
He hopped in the shower and let the warm water take him down a stream of escapism and tranquillity. Now, more than ever he enjoyed the taste and feeling of warm water trickle down his face as it washed away his bleak feelings of depression. He looked down at his feet as the water swirled down the drain along with the previous day.
When he was done, he dried, dressed and went back into his bedroom without eating breakfast. He had absolutely no desire to eat despite the fact he knew he was hungry. He sat on the side of his bed, grateful for once that he was dressed in boys clothing because after the incident at Dave’s house he felt that he could never possibly dress up again.
The fear of blackmail that Dave had driven into him made him feel weak and hopeless. It was the worst form of human nature as it is literally inescapable. To take ones secret and hold it ransom to the world was just sick and cruel. Charlie never dreamt of meeting such a person, especially one he had known for years. It made him feel physically sick. He had a million questions he wanted to ask Dave but he couldn’t out of fear.
What were you doing in the tennis courts anyway?
How many pictures did you take?
Have you really not told anybody else?
Why are you asking me to dress like Rachel?
Why are you such a mental case?
The thought of his smirking face made Charlie fume with rage. He stamped his right foot on the wooden floorboards at he sat on the side of the bed. His fists were clenched tightly to the side of his head as saliva spewed from his reddening face. He had never loathed someone so much to the point where it made him emotionally raged and frustrated.
Just the way he was blackmailing him, the way he was going to be forcing Charlie to buy clothes with money he didn’t even have and the way he was being so careless, so cruel, so . . . evil. The massive thoughts made Charlie feel over encumbered with misery and anger to the point where he wanted to put a gun in his mouth and pull the trigger. Despite his dark thoughts he didn’t have the courage to go forth. He wasn’t there yet, it was too early.
He could hear the toilet flushing, the bathroom door opening and Rachel running down the stairs. ‘’Oh if you only knew sister,’’ he mumbled as he let his body fall back onto the bed. He looked up at the ceiling as he listened to his heart beat. It suddenly seemed so beautiful to him, so comforting as though everything were okay.
He drew his phone from his pocket to see that he had several text messages from Julie with over a dozen missed calls. ‘’Oh. God. No.’’ His body iced over and his eyes began to sting painfully. He had completely forgotten that he was supposed to meet her last night at the café to talk. His hand shook violently as the urge to throw his phone at the wall once again swelled up inside him. He opened the texts.
Hey where are you? I’m here at the café! :)
Where are you now?
Please hurry up! I don’t have long! Tb
Fine then. Asshole.
Straight away he clicked on her name and the phone began to ring as he brought it up to his right ear. ‘’Come on, come on Julie pick up!’’ He waited for a few moments but there was no answer. It just went straight to voicemail so he redialled and continued to wait for an answer. But Julie was refusing to pick up. But then again Charlie couldn’t blame her? He stood her up on his only chance to sort out their differences.
He felt the strong urge to punch a wall. He began pacing the room ranting and raving like a lunatic about to stab the nearest person. He felt frustrated at the world, he felt angry at himself but most of all he was terribly angry at Dave. If it wasn’t for him he wouldn’t have forgotten his time to spend with people he actually cared about.
He rang her again but it just went straight to voicemail, ‘’Hi this is Julie. Obviously I’m not picking up here so — um — yeah leave your message after the beep!’’.
Charlie hesitated and didn’t say anything for a few moments as words were caught in his throat. Sweat began to trickle down his forehead as the room steamed up like a sauna. ‘’J-Julie I am so, so sorry for not showing up last night. Something big came up and well — I’m not going to lie but I seriously forgot about meeting up with you. I — uh — ‘’ He stopped for a moment, hesitating on what to say next. Something inside him told him that he should tell her the truth but the greater side told him otherwise. ‘’Julie I know you probably hate me right now but if you c-can give me this one chance to tell you how I feel then — then I’ll be extremely grateful. Bye.’’
He sighed with relief, feeling his armpits sweat and his feet boil in his socks. He left the room, feeling his head pound with excessive worries and fears. How could he have been so stupid not to remember to meet with Julie? As he walked down to the kitchen he realised that his mother had already left for work hours ago. It was just him and Rachel for the entire day.
He didn’t eat breakfast. He just grabbed a drink and went outside into the back garden. The sun literally pelted down on top of him. His socked feet touched the concrete path like meat against a BBQ. It was surprisingly hot out. The sky was clear blue, not a cloud to be seen.
He sat down on the deck chair, closed his eyes and let his head fall back. All he could hear was the gentle sigh of the wind rush through the trees, the birds chirping and running of water from the neighbour’s water fountain. It was truly a moment of pure tranquillity.
Thoughts of Julie and Dave ran through his brain like panicked insects not knowing which way to go. He felt that his troubles were stacking up so much that he didn’t know what to be thinking about anymore. A vivid image of Julie sitting in the café with a look of disappointment and hurt on her face cropped up in his mind. The thought made him cringe.
But then he thought, why should he feel bad? From what he could decipher did she feel much when she had her tongue lunged down some stranger’s throat whilst Charlie watched by the bar. The long lost memory made hit a nerve within him and his guilt was quickly replaced with anger. After what she did, after she seductively led him to heartbreak he felt that she deserved whatever came at her. Then something clicked in his mind, ‘’What is happening to me?’’ he muttered to himself. ‘’I don’t usually think like this!’’. His conscience seemed to be divided. One half wanted to forgive and go after Julie whilst the other wanted her to suffer.
Charlie didn’t know what was happening to him. He never thought so cruelly about another person before. He couldn’t help but wonder why he was starting to feel dark emotions of bitterness and betrayal well up inside him. Suddenly he realised the source of his conflicting thoughts.
Dave. Blackmail. Fear.
The idea of his sick plans for him sent cold shivers down his spine. The mere thought of this ‘’studying’’ becoming a weekly event made him feel queasy because he feared for his protection and safety. He needed to find a way out of it. There had to be a way. There just had to be. How was he going to disappear every single Friday night from now on without anybody getting suspicious? How was he going to afford all of these clothes Dave was going to force him to purchase? And most of all how was he going to get out of it?
He opened his eyes again and he was almost blinded. Everything was out of focus and way too bright due to the heavy sunlight pelting down on his little back garden. He looked around, feeling his pulse beat in the side of his neck as if he had just run a marathon. He buried his face in his hands muttering, ‘’there has to be a way!’’ over and over again like a mental patient.
It was then that he noticed Rachel sitting on the deck chair next to him. ‘’Christ Rachel!’’ he yelled. ‘’What the hell are you doing there?!’’
‘’Calm down Charlie! You don’t own the garden to yourself!’’ she shot back.
‘’You just frightened the god damn life out of me!’’ he replied.
‘’Oh well sorry if I walked in on your little rant,’’ teased Rachel.
Charlie gave a deep weary sigh and fell back in the chair. He felt that he was constantly on high alert for someone else to catch him in privacy.
‘’What’s up brother?’’ asked Rachel softly as she sipped her glass of water.
‘’Nothing,’’ said Charlie moodily.
‘’Well there must be something? Why else would I find you rambling nonsense to yourself like a lunatic in the garden?’’
‘’There is some — no — I’m fine,’’ lied Charlie. ‘’Just a little stressed.’’
‘’About?’’ asked Rachel as she dipped her hand further into the truth.
‘’Everything,’’ muttered Charlie. ‘’Everything right now is just screwed up.’’
‘’Julie?’’. Charlie turned his head to his sister who had a genuine look of concern on her face. She really wanted to know what was wrong because she wanted to help him, just like Charlie had when she had trouble with Dave. ‘’Charlie, its okay,’’ said Rachel, placing her hand on the deck chair arm. ‘’You can tell me.’’
He so desperately wanted to tell her everything, ‘’Rachel I’m a secret cross dresser who is being blackmailed by your ex-boyfriend to look and act like you for his own pleasure.’’ But it was all so ludicrously unbelievable and bizarre that he couldn’t bring himself to risk destroying his dignity and shame for the price of emotional and pain relief. He knew he had to stay strong despite the fact he knew that he was fooling himself in the long run.
‘’It’s Julie,’’ he said, telling only half of the truth, yet releasing half of the pain.
‘’Oh god, what did the bitch do to you this time?’’ Rachel cut across.
‘’No!’’ snapped Charlie. ‘’It’s me this time! I’m the one in the wrong!’’
‘’She -,’’ Charlie stopped midsentence, unsure of what he was about to say, ‘’ — she wanted to fix things between us but I - I threw it in her face by completely ignoring her.’’
‘’Is that it?’’ asked Rachel, believing there was much more for Charlie to tell.
Charlie didn’t respond as he felt his sister couldn’t possibly understand how he was feeling at that moment. He tried to let the subject go as he slumped down in the chair. ‘’I just wish things wouldn’t be so complicated,’’ said Charlie, words escaping from his mind against his will.
‘’Well, maybe things don’t have to be so complicated,’’ said Rachel softly. ‘’Maybe what you should do is try harder. Don’t give in.’
‘’But don’t you get it?’’ said Charlie, straightening up again. ‘’She won’t talk to me. She’s not answering her phone.’’
‘’Well if Julie thinks like all girls do, then, she’ll come around eventually,’’ said Rachel, ‘’even it takes forever. You’ll see.’’
Charlie gave a thin smile and let his head fall back staring up at the light blue sky. Neither he nor Rachel said anything for a few minutes as they both basked in the wondrous weather of the day.
‘’Mom was also wondering where you were last night,’’ said Rachel, striking up yet another conversation.
Charlie immediately opened his eyes, ‘’what do you mean by wondering? I was at Sean’s, I told her!’’
‘’Yeah but you were home extremely late,’’ Rachel added formally.
‘’It was a Friday night,’’ sighed Charlie, returning to his previous slumped posture. ‘’We went into town. No big deal.’’
She stands straight and upright with her shoulders back and her hands loose at her sides. Her long chocolate brunette hair waves over her shoulders and on her bosom. Her makeup is flawless, pretty and reeks of prim elegance and beauty. Her thick lashes and pink glossed pouty lips would make one feel weak at the knees and dazed in the head. Her v-necked sweater is a vibrant blue as it hugs her features snugly yet tightly. Beneath her sweater, a white blouse is buttoned up to the very top with a blue and navy striped tie fixed neatly around the stiff collar. Her legs are smothered in a pair of soft white tights from the tip of her toes the upper part of her waist where a short blue and navy plaid skirt is clipped snugly around her hips. Her feet are attired with a pair of feminine blue heels and her finger nails are shiny, sharp and painted pink to match her lip gloss.
Yes, this she was in fact a he. It is Charlie, looking more like his twin sister than ever as he stares into her full length mirror, dressed entirely in her school uniform. He bit his lips and curled his toe slightly, enjoying the gentle softness of the tights in between his toes. He felt embarrassed yet oddly pleased as he straightened out his skirt, not taking his eye off his flawless lashes.
He decided that that would be enough cross-dressing for now as he knew Rachel would be home soon. He walked out of her room and onto the corridor, performing his feminine walk of perfecting as he swayed his hips with his bust pushed out. His heels clicking against the wooden floor and then the tiles of the bathroom made him feel oh so girly. He shut the door and went to the mirror to remove his makeup and false nails.
He took one last look at his girly reflection before looking down at his hands. He filled up a glass with nail polish remover. He then placed his right hand in the glass and waited for a few minutes. As he let his fingers soak he couldn’t help but admire his skirt, the tights and heels. When he took out his fingers he noticed something rather odd. The pink nail polish was gone but the false nails still remained bonded to his. He felt a little annoyed as he placed his fingers back in the glass, this time waiting for over ten minutes. He paced up and down the bathroom, sitting down on the side of the bath every few moments as he waited impatiently.
He took his fingers out again but the nails wouldn’t budge. He began to panic as anxiety got the better of him. Rachel would be home very soon and if he didn’t hurry she’d catch him. He dashed for the sink and began to remove the makeup as if it were poison on his face. He scrubbed hard, using as many lotions and removers as possible. When he looked up in the mirror the makeup was still as flawless and perfect as before.
‘’What the hell -,’’ he gasped.
He suddenly heard the front door shut and footsteps walking around downstairs. ‘’Charlie I’m home!’’ called Rachel.
He looked down at his hand and immediately began pulling the false nail on his forefinger. He winced in pain as he pulled the sharp nail backwards with all his strength. It cracked, sending a forceful sting up his finger and right up his arm. He grunted in pain, shredding the curled skin, curling like a carrot off a peeler. It felt as if he was dragging a razor up his finger as he ripped up the nail along with the skin, ‘’Arrrrgh!’’ he shrieked.
‘’Charlie!’’ yelled Rachel. ‘’Are you okay? Where are you?’’
He immediately put his finger in his mouth and sucked up the blood. The excruciating stinging sensation vanished as he pulled his finger out to see that his finger was exactly the same as it was before, long nailed, sharp, and shiny and coated in pink nail polish.
He backed away from the mirror in disbelief. He began to undress but the clothes wouldn’t budge. It was as if it had become part of him, another layer of skin, unable to be removed. He pulled at his false breasts made of water bags in a bra but he was shocked to find that pulling them hurt. He pulled at them again but groaned in agony. His breathing became rapid and fast as he loosened the tie and looked down to see that he had two fleshy mounds, breasts, stuck to his chest.
‘’Hey are you in there?’’ asked Rachel, sounding a little different.
Charlie felt everything between his legs suck into his body, leaving nothing but emptiness. He thrashed about the bathroom in horror, knocking everything off the counter. He pulled at his hair but that only hurt too. He then felt his thighs snap as he collapsed against the bath, hanging off of the side as if it were the edge of a cliff, gasping for air as his stomach thinned.
‘’Open the door!’’ bellowed Rachel, knocking repeatedly.
Charlie stumbled to his feet, the heels not helping his horribly painful metamorphosis. The door swung open and he gasped to see himself at the other end, his male self, Charlie staring at him with a look of confusion and anger on his face. ‘’Rachel what are you doing on the ground?’’ he asked worriedly.
‘’W-W-What - ,’’ stammered Charlie, his voice cracking to sound like Rachel’s.
The next minute Charlie was walking through Dave’s house, as Rachel, dressed in full school uniform. He walked into his room to find him standing there dressed in his school uniform. Charlie walked straight up to him and grabbed his neck, wanting to strangle him with all his might. He clenched his fingers against Dave’s broad neck, pressing his sharp nails into his skin, forming beads of blood to trickle down, ‘’Arrcch! Rachel what are you -,’’ gagged Dave.
He then grabbed Charlie’s right breast, sending pulses of waves throughout his female formed body. Dave moved in and began to knaw at his swan-like neck, lustfully slipping his hands into his skirt as his mouth moved up to Charlie’s. He lunged his tongue in and started to feel his area simultaneously.
Then there was a huge explosion and Charlie’s mind was sent into pure ecstasy. He felt like he was flying over a sea of blood as his mind crumbled into pain and fear. He witnessed his father slap his mother across the face as he watched fearfully from the kitchen with his sister. The loud fearsome roars of his father’s voice and the sharp piercing wails of his mother stabbed his little heart painfully.
He looked into a mirror to see his own reflection which seemed to have a life of its own. ‘’Look at me,’’ said his reflection coldly. ‘’Look at me!!’’. Charlie did the opposite, refusing to speak to his own self in the mirror. The urge was too strong as his eyes turned towards the mirror to see himself dressed up as a girl, ‘’You are not me!’’ he cried.
The mirror shattered into a million pieces and he was immediately brought back to Dave’s bedroom but time had skipped and he was now lying on the bed, sweating and moaning pleasurably. ‘’No more! No more!’’ he roared at the top of his voice.
‘’You’re nothing but a coward! What the hell is our kids gonna do if they have a mother like you!’’ bellowed his father.
‘’You are a horrible, evil man! Get out!’’ shrieked Mary. ‘’Get out and never come back!’’
Charlie buried is face in his hands as he curled up in the middle of speeding motorway. ‘’Go away! Please! Just go away!’’. He opened his eyes slightly to see a cat running out in front of an oncoming truck. He watched it splatter against the steel bumper as a loud yelp ignited, cracking the tarmac into a chunks of floating debris.
‘’Julie NO!’’ he cried, tears flowing from his eyes.
What word? Sissy, sissy, sissy, sissy, sissy, sissy.
Look at what you made me do you little bastard!
I’ve had it up to here with your crying and winging!
Charlie, Rachel, everything will be okay. I promise. We’re moving to a new house and everything will be super!
You enjoy wearing girl’s clothes because, well, you’re a pansy or a tranny, transvestite or whatever you lot call yourselves!
That’s odd, because I could have sworn that I seen her up in her bedroom through the window.
Oh Charlie, you’re burning up!
D-Do you think you’ll stay in contact with me?
I am so proud of you!
‘’Charlie, Charlie! Wake up you idiot!’’
He opened his eyes, gasping for air. The sky was darkening a dark red and the sudden scent of freshly cut grass and warm air filled his nose. But the sounds of water running and the sigh of the breeze was replaced with plates crashing and Rachel’s panicked voice. His vision focused in to see Rachel standing over him, shaking his shoulders to wake him. ‘’Wh-What’s going on?’’ he asked, dumbfounded and disturbed by his nightmare.
‘’It’s Mom, Charlie!’’ she said tearfully.
He need not ask as his ears immediately tuned in to hear that somebody was inside the house, making a mess. He jumped off of the deck chair and marched through the back door. ‘’Charlie, wait! Be careful she’s very -,’’
He walked into the kitchen to find his mother dressed scruffily in her waitress uniform, casually throwing plates and cups on the floor with a cigarette hanging from her mouth. She was a complete mess and reeked of alcohol and smoke. She didn’t even notice that her son was standing there.
‘’What the hell is going on here?!’’ he yelled, feeling emotions felt years ago returning to him.
Mary swung around, staggering over her heels with a monstrous expression on her face. She didn’t look in the slightest bit like herself. Rachel stood behind Charlie with tears in her eyes. ‘’What? What is wrong with you oh son of mine? Am I upsetting you? Am I making you feel sad?’’ she asked sarcastically.
‘’Mom, please stop!’’ said Rachel sternly.
‘’Where were you today?’’ asked Charlie, his voice shaking.
‘’Well!’’ said Mary, slamming her hand on the table. ‘’I’m not going to tell you because you never tell me where you go!’’
She broke out in a fit of laughter that made Charlie feel so hurt that he too felt like crying. ‘’Why are you doing this?’’ he asked seriously. ‘’Why are you putting us through this again?! After you promised that you would stop you — what is wrong with you?! Seriously?!’’
‘’You want to know what is wrong with me? Okay then let’s see — um — I’m nearly forty. I have two ungrateful kids who don’t appreciate anything I do for them -,’’
‘’ — Mom please don’t -,’’
‘’ — DON’T tell me to be quite just because I have had a few drinks! I mean every single word!’’ snapped Mary fiercely. ‘’I’m stuck in a shitty job as I try and scrape together a living whilst you two don’t even attempt to help! You constantly forget that I’m here!’’
Rachel moved closer to Charlie as her lower lip began to tremble and tears started to stream down her cheeks. ‘’Mom we are so, so sorry -,’’
‘’No Rachel,’’ shot Charlie, his voice cracking as the lump in his throat grew larger. ‘’Let’s see what else she has to say! Go on mom! Tell us more how much you hate us!’’
Mary marched around the kitchen island and faced Charlie so closely that their noses almost touched. Her makeup was all smeared and her eyes were red raw from dried up tears. ‘’The words I’m looking for I’m not going to utter because it would destroy the little we have left,’’ she said coldly.
‘’You’re insane,’’ Charlie whispered.
For that, he received a swift but hard slap across the face. Her sharp nails scraped across his cheek which stung to the very core of his skin. He back away immediately beside Rachel and looked at his mother who looked as equally shocked as him. Rachel grabbed Charlie’s arm. He could feel her hand shake.
‘’What’s happened to you?’’ asked Charlie, beads of water trickling down his forehead.
‘’I — I don’t know — I -,’’ stammered Mary. She was utterly speechless and shocked. It was as if she had just broken free from the terrible beast that is alcohol. ‘’ — I — I’m sorry —‘’
‘’Why didn’t you tell us!’’ cried Rachel. ‘’You could have let us know you felt this way!’’
Rachel had awoken the beast once again and Mary fiercely spat back at her own daughter. ‘’Well now you know. Now you know that your mommy was driven crazy by her own children and that you both are little devils!’’
‘’Don’t take everything out on us just because Dad left you!’’ roared Charlie. ‘’Mom you know you could have talked to us! You know we would have listened! Turning back to drink doesn’t solve anything!’’
‘’You’re better than this!’’ Rachel added.
Mary stumbled backwards with a slurred look in her eyes, ‘’How dare you bring up Jack in this house in front of me after what he did!’’
‘’But your taking everything out on us!!’’ screamed Charlie.
‘’SHUT UP!’’ shrieked Mary, tears streaming down her face. She slowly slid down to the ground and wailed out. Her cries and sobs made Charlie want to go over and comfort her but he didn’t know whether it would be suitable. ‘’All I wanted was to have a normal family - ,’’ sobbed Mary, ‘’ - like we used to. You both have grown up so fast that you’ve forgotten about me, the one who raised you both single headedly -,’’ Her sobs started to sound like quick breaths as if she was hyperventilating. She was truly a pitiful sight as she sat on the floor crying.
‘’Mom we never -,’’ started Rachel.
‘’Get out,’’ said Mary, swallowing her pain. ‘’Both of you! Get out of my house now!’’
Charlie and Rachel couldn’t believe what she was saying to them. They just stood there dumbfounded and scared to the bone.
‘’GET OUT!’’ shrieked Mary, her face taking on a teary demonic face or rage.
Charlie hesitated but he moved around the room against the walls towards the door, feeling himself choke back his tears as he watched his mother on the floor. Rachel held onto his arm as she sniffed back her overpowering emotions. They didn’t say another word as they left through the front door. The two siblings were completely silent as they walked down the front path, through the front gate and down the dark street into the night, feeling a horrible pain beyond comprehension.
They had no idea where they going to go now.
Written by Lily Florette ©
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