Vanilla Sky

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Vanilla Sky

Part 1

by Bailey Summers

One of the only real femme things is my face…I’m a strawberry blonde so kind of baby faced and I keep my hair long…but the rest of me is…I’m five ten, one seventy almost and got too much size…too much shoulder from working as a contractors helper for my step dad.

I hate my body.

And not really looking like a girl gave people plenty of ammo at school to make my life hell. Pushed, shoved, kicked from behind…spit on. Getting yelled at and accosted by the preachy kids, prank calls, online torture…then the last straw was getting jumped by a crowd of kids…I was lucky some good Samaritan had showed up with a baseball bat. But the teachers didn’t do a thing with the stuff in school and the cops with the swarming attack…

Yeah well why wasn’t I pulled out of school?


Image Credit: Girl in Sunset.
 

Admin Note: Originally published on BigCloset TopShelf on Tuesday, 08/28/2012 - 06:58:53 AM.(-0400), Vanilla Sky was pulled out of the closet, and re-presented for our newer readers to enjoy. ~Sephrena


 

Part 1

 

It was hot and just the start of summer as I got off the plane in Halifax. I guess I should say that’s Halifax, Nova Scotia in Canada. I’m coming up for the summer and maybe longer depending on stuff home.

It’s getting pretty bad down home. That’s Atlanta, Georgia or it has been since I was nine and my parents split up. And before you get to thinking it, no I don’t have the accent. I should but I was just never able to pick it up.

The list of reasons for coming to see my Dad is pretty long and could be imaginary but really it’s not. I’m a male to female transgendered teen. Mom’s so not fucking thrilled about that and my Stepfather and step and half sibs think I’m a freak. Mom’s I don’t know pissed, beyond pissed at me. See I started with cross-dressing only when you’re trans and in the clothes you have to wear everyday well that’s when you’re cross-dressing. I was just so desperate to feel normal.

She wasn’t happy about that. Can’t blame her too much they were her clothes. I’ve got a step-sister and hers might have fit but I don’t really want to dress as a skank.

But my Stepfamily wanted the little pervert out of the house. My Stepfather just well he wasn’t violent he’s not that kind of guy but he’s very good at emotional warfare. It’s like he’s so good at it that me being trans is just he knew…it’s just exactly why I’m the way that I am. He can just look at you and send waves of disappointment into you. I never asked to be different, I didn’t want this. But to him of course I did.

I got found out or rather outed by my Step-siblings and soon it was through school and I went from this scary looking loner kid with the army jacket and the sunglasses and getting voted to most likely “Columbine” to being the freak that thinks he’s a girl.

One of the only real femme things is my face…I’m a strawberry blonde so kind of baby faced and I keep my hair long…but the rest of me is…I’m five ten, one seventy almost and got too much size…too much shoulder from working as a contractors helper for my step dad.

I hate my body.

And not really looking like a girl gave people plenty of ammo at school to make my life hell. Pushed, shoved, kicked from behind…spit on. Getting yelled at and accosted by the preachy kids, prank calls, online torture…then the last straw was getting jumped by a crowd of kids…I was lucky some good Samaritan had showed up with a baseball bat. But the teachers didn’t do a thing with the stuff in school and the cops with the swarming attack…

Yeah well why wasn’t I pulled out of school? Why wasn’t I seeing a shrink…exactly the attitude they had my fault, then my folks for not dealing with me. I was sent to a shrink and they wanted to lock me up for depression…anger…and skirted the whole thing of my GID.

Sorry I wasn’t going for a pun. And if you’re not the kind of guy that they can see being a fag or tranny then you’re crazy.

That led to drugs that left me in this haze of not being right there…? Like being covered in emotional cotton.

It was like I wasn’t a girl, don’t be fucking stupid look at you…you’ll just be a freak. Then the drugs were drowning out the girl inside and that’s when I took all of them and other pills…smoked a joint and took a hot bath with a chef’s knife from the kitchen and my stepfathers bottle of Johnny Walker.

Obviously it didn’t kill me but it was close…I still have the ECG paper where my heart stopped seven times before they got me stable.

That led to a month in the nuthouse but at least there the Doc took me off the stuff I was on and actually said I was transgendered.

It’s been two weeks since the official diagnosis and they did everything they could to pawn me off on my birth father as fast as I could be shipped off.

From Atlanta to NC then from there to here. I’m looking out the window and I wasn’t expecting the city to be that big. I mean I only kind of heard about it because my birth dad’s Canadian. But I always sort of thought of it as smaller…I don’t know like less or something?

It’s weird seeing all the trees though. We got them at home sure but you don’t see real woods this close to cities like this. It’s like nothing like I know. I have seen my birth dad in a long time too and he knows all of it, he knows everything that’s going on and…

I’ll never forget that he called…and he asked, not ordered but asked. “Samantha? Would you like to come home and live with me?”

It was huge because he used my name, the one I’ve used in therapy. Sean is the name I was born with. And he asked me. That was huge enough to get me to come.

We land and it’s really not a big airport, I get my bag from the overhead and get off the plane and look for my birth dad. I see him at the baggage area and there’s no mistaking it’s him. He looks like what I’ll have to look forward to growing up.

Tall six five and solid muscle but not a gym rat’s body but hard work, same hair as me but cut short, clean shaven in slacks and (eye roll) sneakers without socks and a clean t-shirt and his leather jacket. I remember the jacket he had that when he was living with us. Mom and him broke up when he had to come back here after his dad passed away. Literally coming home to work on and save the family farm.

Great…farm life…Just what I need hard work day in and day out to make me even bigger than I am now.

I walk up slowly and he’s getting my luggage. “Dad…”

He turns and looks at me…

He smiles. “Hey Samantha.”

Oh…to hear that? No hesitation, right off the bat. I’m trying not to choke up and cry then he’s there and wrapping his arms around me. I’m no good after that, I put my head into his chest and cry a bit.

Home…it was just me being a freak and…he’s.

“Why…?” (Sniffle)

“Because you’re my child and I have always loved you no matter what.”

“But I’m….”

“Not alone in what you’re going through…I have a computer honey, and an open mind…I can read.”

“But God says…”

“No…people say what God says and while not being religious honey I’d like to think he’s given me a daughter because I have more than enough love for my kid that your gender is a non issue.”

“Really?” (Sniffle.)

“Yeah, besides there’s trans people everywhere…so you don’t fit certain molds. At least you’re being you.”

“Dad…?”

“Yes Sam?”

“Thank you?”

“No problem…so….”

“So..?”

“How’d you like to go shopping…I’m going to bet my daughter doesn’t have her own clothes and stuff right?”

“No…just my boy stuff.”

“Okay, let’s go and we can get you things that you’re going to need.”

“Really?”

“Yes really.”

He takes my bags and leads me to the parking area and honestly I have to pinch myself twice. I mean this can’t be real right? I’m still in shock thought when he gets to the Car and he drives a Silverado hybrid? It look pretty new and it has a logo sign on it saying Vanilla Sky Winery?

“What’s that Dad?”

“Oh the name of the family farm.”

“Vanilla Sky?”

“Your Step mom’s idea.”

I stop and stare at him. He remarried? I didn’t know. “Oh…I never heard…I didn’t know…”

“I told your mother…we sent letters and stuff.”

“I got the present but never seen any of the letters…”

“Hmmm…yep, she wasn’t happy. I’ve got them saved though.”

“Can I read them?”

“Sure Kitten.”

“Kitten?”

“Too much?”

“No I’m just…this is not what I’ve been used to.”

“Yeah and honestly me too, it caught me flat footed but Lizzy got my head on straight.”

“Lizzy?”

“Your Step-mom.”

“Oh…you were freaked?”

“Yes.”

“Oh…”

“It’s a lot to take in Sam and the fact you had tried to kill yourself on top of that….”

“Sorry….”

“Good…you scared the hell out of me. Lizzy made me see a live daughters better than a miserable or dead son.”

“Sorry…”

“In the past, we’re going to try to just keep living and trying to be happy.”

“Okay…so you make wine?”

“We make wine and a bunch of things, we use mostly apples since we live in the valley.”

“The Valley?”

“Annapolis valley, it’s just shortened by pretty much everyone in the province to that.”

“Oh…good to know.”

“We started the vineyard because sometimes the market for apples can be iffy, so we went into apple wines, mixed fruit wines and some ciders and other things. We’re doing pretty good really after a few lean years.”

“Oh…cool?”

“I think so, it’s paid for your college fund.”

“I have a college fund?”

“Yes, we make too much for you to get a loan so…I’ve been putting money away since our grandfather started it.”

“Started what?”

“Your college fund. He had been saving since you were born and the tuition costs in the states and stuff being what they are…he died and I took it over and just kept adding to it.”

“Wow…I don’t remember him.”

“We got lots of time to learn the family ins and outs. Eve some videos.”

We stop and we’re at this pretty good sized place called the Mic-Mac-Mall? We head inside and start looking around and dad starts heading towards a place called Garage clothing and it’s for girls my age…hip…decent looking clothes and I’m staring at them and it’s so hard to move my feet…to take those steps inside…I mean look at me…I’m….

God I’m scared to death.



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