Camp Shoni - Part 2

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Denied the opportunity to enroll in Camp Dan as one of the older campers,
Lorin figures out another way of attending the summer ending cotillion
with the girls of Camp Shoni!

Camp Shoni
Part 2

by Pamela

Copyright © 2004,2011,2013 Pamela
All Rights Reserved.

Image Credits: Title Picture purchased and licensed for publishing from

123rf.com. The model(s) in this image is in / and are no way connected with this story nor supports nor conveys the issues and situations brought up within the story. The model(s) use is solely used for the representation of looks of the main character(s) of this particular story. ~Sephrena

Divider licensed for use in publishing from Photoshopgraphics.com ~Sephrena.

Author's Note: This second edition of Camp Shoni replaces the 16 previously posted chapters at both Crystal's Story Site and a few other archive sites and is revised and with 5 new chapters. ~Pamela.

Historical Versions: Originally posted at Crystal's Storysite in 2004, and Fictionmania in 2011. ~Sephrena.

Legalities: Archiving and reposting of this story *unchanged* is permitted provided that: 1) You must have contacted the author, Pamela, and have asked permission first and received said permission to host this particular work. 2) No fee be charged, either directly or indirectly (this includes so-called "adult checks") or any form of barter or monetary transfers in order to access viewing this work *and* (3) PROVIDED that this disclaimer, all author notes, legalities and attribution to the original author are contained unchanged within the work. 4) The author of this work, Pamela, must be provided free account access at all times the work is hosted in order to modify or remove this work at her sole discretion.

The characters, situations, and places within this work are fictional. Any resemblance between actual people (living or dead), places, or situations is entirely coincidental.

This work is the copyrighted material of the respective author. ~Pamela.


 

Part 2

 

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Chapter 4
 
As Lorin walked slowly toward Penny's house he decided he would have to get the dress on Monday. That was the first day he could possibly sneak away to Jensen's. Between now and then he would figure out what dress size he wore. Then Monday after school he would run to the store, buy the dress and take it home and hide it in his room before the rest of his family got home. All this would be done mechanically. He would not think, and not hesitate. It was that or his desire for the dress would just gnaw at him until he probably went crazy. Buying bras would take second place, and he would only do that after he had some time to come up with a new plan for buying them.

When he arrived at Penny's house he was ten minutes early. He debated whether or not he should wait before knocking on the door so as not to appear to be uncool. If the truth be told he was terribly nervous. Penny was so pretty and he so admired everything she did: how she moved and talked, how she made her hair and the clothes she wore, that it was kind of like being in the presence of royalty. He was used to seeing her at school, but now it would be so very different. He wished he could tell her how much he wanted to be like her. It really was that. It was envy pure and simple. If he could just be Penny it would solve all his problems. When he got to Camp Shoni he would model himself after her. That would be the closest to her he could be, since miracles certainly never happened.

He glanced at his watch again. It was 12:53. Still too early. The front door suddenly opened and Penny's mom came out holding a dish of cat food. She saw Lorin and said, "What are you doing standing over there?"

"I'm here to see Penny."

"I know, Lorin. Come on in. I'll call for her."

Lorin reluctantly walked up the front path and entered the house.

"Penny!" Her mother called upstairs.

There was no answer.

"She's upstairs in her room, at the top of the stairs to the right." Her mother looked like an older version of Penny. The same pretty smile and long hair. "She's probably on the phone. It's a wonder it doesn't become part of her head."

Lorin could not think of what to say. "Penny!" her mom shouted, "Lorin is here!"

"What?" Penny shouted.

"You better just go up," Penny's mom said to Lorin. Then she shouted a little louder than before, "It's Lorin!!"

Penny appeared at the top of the stairs. "Hi. I'm finishing up my hair. Come on up." She turned and went back to her room.

Lorin gingerly climbed the stairs and went down the hallway a few steps to the right to an open doorway that was clearly Penny's room. She was in a bathroom that was through a doorway at the far side of the bedroom.

"Hi Penny," he said.

"Hi. It'll be a couple of minutes. Just have a seat and get comfortable."

"Thanks," he said. He looked around. The room was not exactly neat. Her clothes, mainly some pairs of jeans and a few tee shirts were scattered on the bed, floor and on a desk chair. There was a poster on the wall of Vin Diesel. She had a large dresser. The only place to sit was on a corner of the bed near the dresser and he sat down.

"Janice will be a little late," Penny called out.

"No problem," Lorin said. He wished he could think of something to say. He racked his brain for a topic and could not come up with anything.

He heard the water running and then noticed that the second drawer of the dresser was ajar and in it there was clearly what looked to be a number of bras in a pile that had been carelessly arranged, though next to it was a neater stack of folded bras. On the other side of the drawer were a couple of piles of panties. He couldn't believe how many bras and panties Penny owned.

"Why don't you put on a CD?" Penny called out. "I'll be another few minutes. I've been putting some highlights in my hair."

"What CD?" Lorin asked.

"Take any one you like."

Blake walked over to the CD player that was on the floor next to her desk. There was a large CD holder. He glanced through the titles and picked out an album by the "Who".

"How about the Who?" he asked.

"Who?" she said.

"Who!" Lorin said.

"Who?" she said again.

"Who, who, who!" Lorin said.

"What, are you an owl?" Penny said.

Lorin collapsed with laughter. "It's the group, the Who!"

"Oh, sure, I love them," she said.

Lorin put the CD in the player and turned on the music. He sat down again where he had been and again looked at the bras. He edged a little closer and then closer still and then stuck his face just above the open drawer and looked more carefully all the time trying to keep one eye focused toward the bathroom. One of the bras might have been the one he saw her wearing. The mixed up pile looked so disordered he couldn't imagine that Penny even knew what bras were in it. He tried counting how many there were. It was hard to figure, but he thought there might be at least eight. They were all white except for one blue bra. Some were kind of lacy and others were not. He backed away and stood outside the bathroom listening. He still heard the water running. What would happen if he took one he wondered? He could just put it in his pocket. She would never know. It would be more than a bra. It would be Penny's bra and he would cherish it and love it even. It would link them in some crazy way. And it also would help solve his problem of getting bras for camp.

"I just have to dry my hair," Penny called out and then she shut the door to the bathroom.

"OK," Lorin said. He went to the hallway and looked up and down it. No one was there. He went back to the dresser and reached in to the very bottom of the disorganized pile of bras and pulled out one of them. The bra was a bit worn and faded, and had a thin margin of scalloped lace across the tops of the bra cups. With pounding heart he balled the bra up and stuffed it into his pocket, and then got up and walked away from the dresser. He placed his hand in the pocket to make sure the bra was well within it and could not be seen. He would have to remember to not pull it out accidentally the rest of the day. It was soft to the touch and he fondled it lightly, savoring its range of textures.

It would be so nice to wear Penny's bra. It would make him feel like her girl friend. How pleasant it would be if he could visit Penny as her girl friend and not a boy that found dating so uncomfortable. He wondered if girls ever borrowed each other's bras? Maybe he would find out at Camp Shoni that it was the norm. When he was finally alone that evening he would take out Penny's bra and put it on and he would think about Penny and himself as if they were girl friends.

He heard Penny make a sound in the bathroom and he felt a sudden pang of regret. Maybe Penny would end up missing the bra, wondering where it had gone. He hoped that it was one that she never wore anymore so there would be no harm done. In that case, his theft would be no more wrong that stealing from a trashcan.

His hand once again inched along the outline of the bra. He would have to try it on as soon as he got home. Maybe he should also take a panty. He walked back near the drawer and glanced at the panties lying in the open drawer. There were so many of them. Suddenly Penny came out of the bathroom and he looked away from the drawer not before he was certain Penny had seen where he had been looking. She looked radiant and she smiled at him as she walked around to the dresser and shut the open lingerie drawer. She had done up her blonde hair with some reddish highlights and he thought she looked unbelievably sophisticated.

"Sit down," she said, "sorry for the mess." Penny gathered up her jeans one by one and folded them neatly.

"It's no problem," Lorin said awkwardly. God, he thought to himself, when will I ever think of something intelligent to say. This was far and away the closest and most intimate encounter he had ever had with a girl. Seeing Penny up close, being part of her daily life in her room, it was totally out of context. "You have a great collection of CD's," Lorin said. "It seems pretty eclectic to me. I mean that's great. To like all sorts of music is great."

"What do you listen to?" Penny asked.

"I like..." Lorin hesitated trying to think of someone cool whom he knew about. Aware of Penny waiting for his answer, he froze up and his mind went blank. The fact was he liked a lot of different kinds of music. Finally he said, "Aerosmith. Yeah I like Aerosmith." The word had just popped into his head. Just recently his mom and dad had bought an Aerosmith CD and he had listened to it with them thinking it was pretty good.

"I like them too," she said, "at least as far as they're an old band. What are your favorite songs?"

"I like, um, 'Girls of Summer' and also 'Dude (Looks Like a Lady).'" In fact, while his mom, dad and he had been listening to the CD, Lorin had looked over the album cover and these song titles had jumped out at him. It made him wonder if there was something psychic going on there.

Penny did not respond. Lorin was aghast at his inability to think of anything else to say. What could he talk about? Their classes together, people at school? What would he do if she didn't find anything he said interesting? Penny and he looked at each other in silence and then to Lorin's relief, Janice came into the room.

"Hi Lorin," Janice said laughing slightly.

"Hi Janice," Lorin said.

Turning to Penny Janice exclaimed, "I love your hair," and within an instant she and Penny were talking together about her highlights and how she put them in and a hundred other things about hair that Lorin hadn't a clue about. But it was all very important stuff for him to know about. He listened intently and tried to memorize as much as he could. While listening, he realized that it was really his boy self Lorin who had the problem talking. If he could just imagine himself to be Lauren, then he would surely have many things to say. What kind of girl would he be this summer if he had nothing to say to the other girls? It was just girls being girls and he was certainly going to have to master that kind of conversation if he was to fit in and not arouse suspicion.

He felt energized and concentrated hard on Penny and Janice's conversation and decided he would become part of it. Janice was saying, "Lydia said she's going to get a perm tomorrow at Tangles."

"Where's Tangles?" Lorin said.

Janice looked at him surprised, "you know it's out on Bentley Boulevard."

"Is it a nice place?"

"I haven't been there. Have you?" Janice said asking Penny.

"Just once. The stylist was kind of overbearing. I couldn't deal with it."

"Where do you go?" Lorin asked.

"Usually my mom drives over to the Fairfield mall. She knows the owner there like for 50 years."

"I go to a barber," Lorin said and then added hastily, "but I would like to go to a salon where I could get my hair styled."

"You have very nice hair," Penny said. "You keep it long."

"I don't know why I do," Lorin said, "but I guess I like it like that."

"You should put highlights in it," Janice said.

"You think so?" Lorin said with great interest.

"Sure," Janice said, "you see how pretty it made Penny."

Penny laughed and Lorin did not know if Janice was implying that he would be pretty too.

"I think Penny is pretty even without the highlights," Lorin said.

Penny and Janice laughed. "You shouldn't take her seriously," Penny said. "Janice is always teasing everybody."

Changing the subject Janice said, "did you hear that Raymond's brother Dave broke his leg yesterday?"

"For real? You're not teasing!" Penny said.

"You mean Raymond in our math class?" Lorin said.

"Yeah," Janice said looking up at Lorin.

"What happened?" Lorin said.

"Raymond took out Sarah last night. He's like so after her. Anyway Sarah told me this morning that Raymond said that the guys were playing hardball at the diamond and Dave is like showing off or something and he slides into home plate, but he caught his cleat on something and Raymond says it was terrible."

"How awful," Lorin said, "did he go to the hospital?"

"Yeah, Petey's dad was coming to get him and he took Dave to the hospital."

"Wow. Did you ever break a bone?" Lorin said to Penny.

"No, what about you?"

"No, but my sister did."

"Do you ever play ball with the guys?" Penny asked Lorin.

"Oh, no, I guess not," Lorin said. Penny looked surprised. Alarmed, Lorin went on, "I prefer other things. I like crafts and I play the flute a little."

"That's what girls like," Janice said.

Lorin blushed, "a lot of boys like those things."

"And some girls really like to play baseball. I really do," Penny said.

"I do like to swim," Lorin said but it was too late. He was on the other side of a divide from Penny. How could she like a boy who was less athletic than she was? And besides, he had her bra in his pocket and if he was honest with himself he would admit that he was very excited by the knowledge that he'd get to try it on later in the day.

"Yeah, Janice and I are both on our neighborhood pool swim team in the summer. Are you on a swim team?"

"No. I just swim at camp. There's a nice lake there. They have a mile swim every summer. I almost made it all the way last summer. I hope I'll make it this summer."

"Penny set the pool record for longest swim," Janice said, "it was 500 laps which is about 2 miles."

"Cool," Lorin said trying to sound upbeat. If Penny were going to Camp Shoni she would definitely be a wolf, that was clear. And he was even more of a bunny than he thought.
 

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It was hard to figure out how the "date" was going. Lorin dutifully tagged along with Penny and Janice on the trek to the lake park. There they met up with a few other kids, some guys and girls that Penny seemed to know pretty well. She introduced Lorin to them and while no one was impolite to him, neither did they take great interest in him. Considering how boring these kids turned out to be, it was more than a little disconcerting to Lorin that Penny seemed to like spending the afternoon hanging out with them. Lorin could think of a dozen things he would have loved to do with Penny but there was no opportunity to suggest them. If he ever got the chance to go out with her again he would try and insist that they go skating or to a movie or do something more fun than idly hanging out.

A large part of the conversation seemed to be about a party that had happened the week before where they had been able to get some beer. Lorin could not figure out if Penny had been there or not though she acted like she knew a lot about it. As the afternoon wore on, it reached a point where everyone was sitting on a fence in silence. The conversation had dwindled to the point that they weren't even talking about who could they get to buy beer for them. To Lorin's great relief Penny jumped down from the fence and said she had to go. For a second he wondered what he should do, but she looked at him as if to say he should come along and Lorin jumped down off the fence and joined her.

"See you later," Janice said without budging. Lorin smiled knowing that finally he would be alone with Penny.

As they walked toward Penny's house Lorin wondered if he should try and hold her hand, but then decided he had better not do that. Penny had not given any indication that she was so inclined. He thought of saying that he liked her friends, but it was too much of a lie. He thought they were utterly boring. He wanted to ask her what she saw in them, but figured she'd get insulted if he did. He looked at Penny and she looked back at him and smiled. She was very pretty, that was for sure.

At her house he said good-bye and leaned forward a bit as if to kiss her but he did not sense any movement on her part and so he backed off. She said she had had a good time and they ought to do it again some time. On his way home he tried to figure out what he was feeling. Both elated and depressed and ultimately exhausted. Maybe he should have been bolder. Had she given him any signals or not? It was very confusing. Halfway home he put his hand in his pocket and felt the bra. He had forgotten about it and now he felt a sudden lightening bolt of joy well up inside himself. He finally had a bra he could call his own. Yes, it was stolen and he felt bad about that, but it was Penny's bra so in a sense he had some right to it: because when he put it on, it would allow him to be closer to her. And he would wish only nice things for her, that was for sure.

When he got home he was alone. He went up to his room and into the bathroom and took out the bra so he could finally get a good look at it. Penny must have worn it many times. The lettering on the label was entirely washed away and he could not find out what size it was or what brand. He took off his tee shirt and put it down on the toilet tank lid. He held up the bra with one hand and arranged it so the outside faced away from himself. Reaching behind his back with his left hand he grabbed the other end of the bra and brought his two hands together in front so the bra was wrapped around his waist. He fastened the single clip at the largest opening and swiveled the bra cups around so they were in front. It was something he had thought about many times and he was pleased with himself that it had worked so perfectly. He pulled up the bra, put his arms through the shoulder straps and adjusted it slightly while looking in the mirror.

It fit pretty snug but it was not terribly uncomfortable. It was nice that Penny and he could wear the same bra. The bra cups were not very big but they still looked noticeably flat across his chest. What a pity that he did not have breasts developing on him like Penny and the other girls. There was something terribly unfair about that. He would have to get some sort of falsies to put in the bra cup. If he was to have some padded bras, then he certainly could not have his profile change from day to day.

He probably should have taken a pair of Penny's panties also. It would have balanced things. Wearing both her bra and panties would sort of been complete in some way. He fantasized going to school with her panties and bra underneath his clothes and sitting behind her in English class. It would almost be as if he were Penny. But then he'd want to wear her skirt and blouse and shoes and everything. It never ended.

The house was still silent. He put his shirt on over the bra and quietly went down the hall to his sister's room. In the past he had done some furtive investigation of her clothes but had never touched anything since she arranged everything very neatly and he was afraid of getting caught. Contrary to all stereotypes of teenagers, his sister seemed to put her panties and bras in her drawer with engineering precision. The most courage he had ever had had been to slide open her drawer and try and find out what size bra she wore by reading the labels that happened to be visible. He had learned this way that she was a 36C in size.

Her door was ajar and he pushed it open and went in. At the slightest noise downstairs he would have to run back to his room. Well, it was really not that dangerous. He often went into her room looking for a book to read or a pencil or something. He walked over to her dresser. As usual all the drawers were shut tight. He was about to pull open the lingerie drawer, when he noticed that there was some clothes in her waste paper basket that was next to the dresser. He stooped down to get a closer look and realized that there were panties that had been placed in it. It made sense since she had known that she was going to get some new underwear so she had thrown out some old ones.

The top panty was white and kind of plain and well worn. He lifted it up and underneath was a blue panty with some lace around the band and below that another white panty. There was even a fourth one below that. It was white and more substantial than the others. The fabric was shiny and thicker. He pulled it out and held it up to look at. It was a panty girdle. There was a lace panel in the front shaped sort of like a medallion that fit over the stomach. This panty had not been visible at all from the top. If he took it, his sister would surely not notice. Though it was possible she could change her mind and decide she wanted it. It would be a gamble if he were to take it. It wasn't really that worn at all. It almost seemed relatively new.

He went back to his room and into his bathroom, took off his pants and put on the panty girdle. It slid up easily enough to his buttocks, but took a bit of a yank to get it up and over them. The material was stretchy and once he had it on he knew immediately that it was probably a very good fit. Snug but not uncomfortably so. What good fortune he had had. In one day, he had gone to having his own panties and bra. He looked at himself in the mirror and decided he looked pretty much like any girl he had seen. The only problem was his hairstyle, which he would have to do something about.

He thought about the three remaining panties. It was way too risky to take them. But he would have an opportunity to get them once her trash can was emptied the night before Wednesday's trash pick up. It was a job he sometimes had. Only this time he would have to make sure he got it. After thinking about it for a minute he decided that it was too risky to pilfer the panty girdle. If for some reason his sister changed her mind he would be a prime suspect for having taken it. The best strategy was to put it back where he had found it, and then attempt to get it the same time as the other panties. He took off the panty girdle and ran back to his sister's room and put it back in the trashcan and then ran back to his own room and closed the door.

He took off his bra, got dressed again and thought about where he should hide the bra. It had to be a perfect spot that would never get discovered, and large enough to hold all the stuff he was going to have to get. He looked around his room: at the dresser, the closet, under his bed. His mom had too many reasons to look in each of these places.

He went into his bathroom and looked around. His mom kept cleaning supplies that she used under the sink so that was no good. He noticed that there was a metal plate held by four screws on the back left wall of the bathroom. He had never opened it before. Curious, he got a screwdriver and undid the screws.

When the plate fell away he saw that it was an access panel for the shower/bath tub in the hall bathroom that was on the other side of the wall. He got a flashlight and looked in. It was a bit cramped at the opening but there was some significant space inside on the side of the tub. Absolutely perfect! No one would ever have any reason to go in there. He fetched a plastic bag, put Penny's bra in it and put it in the space and then put the cover back on. So cool, he thought to himself. This is going to be too easy!

Lorin jumped onto his bed and got out his diary and opened it up. He wrote:
 
 



Dear Barbie:

I can't believe my luck today. I was able to get my first bra. Well to tell you the truth I sort of did a terrible thing: I stole the bra from Penny. I'm sure it's one of her old bras that she doesn't care about, but still I know what you're thinking and I promise I won't steal anything again!

Here is what I really want to confide in you. I just tried on the bra and I think it fits me really well and to tell you the truth I think I really look good in it. Like I should be wearing it, only of course I wish I did have more of a bust to fill it out with.

But anyway so much happened today. I went to the store to buy some bras and well that didn't exactly work out too well and I don't know what I'll do about it but I did find exactly the dress I want for the cotillion. I took one look at it and fell in love with it. I don't think I can bear to live without it. After school on Monday I'm going to buy it. I am so determined. I know it's crazy and all but I don't know how I could sleep at night not knowing that I own that dress. I know I won't stop thinking about it until I get it.

Wish me lots and lots of luck Barbie.

I love you,

Lauren.


 
 
Lorin drew a heart and some lips as if he had kissed the page. He shut the diary and put it away. He thought about at least trying on the other of his sister's panties but it was too risky. Someone could return at any time now. He would just have to be patient until Tuesday night when he would volunteer to collect the garbage.

When his parents came home they were anxious to hear about how his date went, and he gave them a fairly truthful account. Penny had been friendly enough and he thought she might want to see him again, but it wasn't exactly too thrilling to spend the afternoon doing basically nothing. His Dad especially seemed pleased by the report and Lorin felt sure that both his mom and dad would more than likely not raise the subject again any time in the near future.

While lying in bed before falling asleep Lorin thought over the events of the day. He would have to think more about how he could get the rest of the bras he needed, that was for sure. He'd have to go somewhere else than Jensen's. He felt that he had made some progress in learning how to talk like a girl, but he would definitely have to get more knowledgeable about a bunch of things before he'd be able to just go on and on like he was a real girl. He'd have to think more about what girls want to say about boys and about their girl friends and about shopping for clothes and make up. All kind of things.
 

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Lorin carried all his money with him when he went to school on Monday. The grand sum of $192.37. Penny smiled at him in school but she did not mention the date and he didn't either. He was so preoccupied with buying his dress that it took precedence over any future plans he might have with Penny. During the day he glanced at the wall clock a hundred times waiting for it to reach 3PM so he could run to the store. He felt that each passing minute gave someone else an opportunity to buy the dress he coveted. It was bad enough that he had had to endure the entire day Sunday but he had somehow gotten through it.

A big help had been a fun trip he had taken on the Internet looking for websites that gave information on dress sizing. He had found a chart of "Misses Sizes" that seemed appropriate to himself. According to this, girls with a small bust (32-34), a cup size of A-B, a waist 23 - 25 and hips 34 - 36 wore dress size 6 - 8. Since his bra size was 34NA or he could pretend it was 34A, then he might need a size 6 or 8 dress. He went and got the tape measure again and checked his waist and hips. His waist was about 27 and his hips were 33. Clearly, girls had thinner waists than boys and wider hips, but he figured that he would be able to at least squeeze into the size 8 dress, so that was what he would buy. In his daydreams, while waiting for the final bell he wondered just how popular would the size 8 dress be. He hoped that it was not a common size.

When the dismissal bell rang Lorin set out for downtown as nonchalantly as he could pretend. He had already told Kenny that he wouldn't be walking with him due to an "errand" his mom had sent him on. Another small lie. Since he had no idea how big the dress would be after it was wrapped up to take home, he took the precaution of putting all his books in his locker so that his back pack was virtually empty. His plan was that he'd buy the dress after telling Miriam that his girl friend had come by on Sunday to try it on along with some others.

After discussing it with him, she had said OK to that dress and she wanted him to pick it up for her. It was not the best story, and he thought that Miriam might have her suspicions, but what else could he do? He would not return home without his dress.

When he got near the store he scouted around looking to see if there was anyone he knew. His mom and dad would both be at work many miles from downtown and it was not lunch time so there was no possible reason he could think of why he would run into them. His sister was no doubt at her cheerleading practice at the high school so he wouldn't have to worry about her either. The coast seemed to be clear and he entered the store and went right to the escalator. No time for thinking or anything else. He would charge ahead.

When he got off the escalator at the third floor his heart was pounding. He looked around for Miriam and did not see her. He walked in a straight line toward the dresses and he saw the same mannequin as on Saturday wearing the same dress. My goodness he thought to himself it's even more beautiful than he had remembered. He trembled with desire to own such a precious thing. When he looked at the rack of dresses he realized immediately that it was much sparser than it had been on Saturday. In fact, there seemed to be just about 4 or 5 dresses left.

A terrible knot formed in his stomach. There was a woman not too far away looking at dresses but no sales person. Feeling hot in his face, he walked up to one of the dresses and searched for the tag indicating its size. The delicate fabric was soft and filmy and precious. The price tag had a bunch of numbers on it and he finally figured out that it said that the dress was a size 12. Way too big for him! It even looked too big. He then saw that there was a tag sewn into an inside seam and there was a large 12 written on that.

The next dress over was a 14 and the one after that was a 4. Panicking, he wished with all his might that the last one was an 8 but it turned out to be a 4 also. A feeling of despair came over him. He looked over at the other dresses. None of them were as nice and perfect as his own Cinderella dress with gathered skirts and shirred bodice. He did not know what to do. Could it be there were more in a back room somewhere? But why would there be? It made no sense that they hadn't put them out.

"Can I help you?"

He turned around and saw that a young saleswoman had come up to him. She was wearing a badge that had no name written in it.

"Yeah, um, I guess I was wondering if you had this dress in an 8?" His voice was quavering and kind of falsetto. He cleared his throat. "My mom sent me to get it for my sister. She tried it on yesterday."

"Oh, you don't have any idea how busy we were yesterday. This is such a pretty dress. So many girls were trying to get a jump on their prom dress. Have you checked these, none of them are 8's? That is the most popular size. Your sister should have put a reserve on it!"

"You don't have any in the back?"

"No, I'm afraid that for prom dresses we just get a few each year and put them out."

Lorin felt his eyes filling up with tears. The woman noticed it and Lorin fought them back as hard as he could.

"I really wish I could help you. Is it so terribly important? Your sister can't choose a different dress?"

Quietly, Lorin said, "yeah, I guess so. But she had her heart set on this one." A single tear came out of his right eye and he sniffled his nose. The thought of his loss was too much. If he didn't walk away quickly he was going to cry. The woman was clearly puzzled by his pent up emotion.

She stared at him and as long as she did Lorin could not turn away from her gaze. "What's the matter?" the woman asked gently. Lorin began to cry.

"Why are you crying?" she said.

This made him cry even more. He fought to gain control of himself and finally he did. The woman who had been shopping nearby looked over in surprise. I'm sorry," Lorin said, I guess I'm to blame for my sister not getting it yesterday. It's a long story. Anyway, I'm sorry."

He began walking away and the woman said, "Wait, did you look at the dress on the Mannequin?"

Lorin stopped and turned around facing the mannequin. He shook his head.

"Sometimes they put a middle size on the mannequin because the mannequin is a middle size!" Beth said. "Take a look."

Lorin walked up to the mannequin. Even though there were no features to the face he still felt like he was approaching a real girl and he felt the same way he did when he was close to Penny. The mannequin was standing on a small pedestal and when Lorin stood in front of it he was looking up at the head and he became aware of how powerfully feminine the dress was. It seemed to envelope him in its softness and flowing design. He noticed just how prominent the breast of the mannequin was and he felt some envy. He stood on his toes and reached around to the back collar and looked in to see the size. He was stunned. There in front of him was a perfect number "8" clear as day on the tag. "It's an eight!" he said way too loudly. "It's an eight! Can I buy it? Can I buy a dress on the mannequin?"

He looked at the saleswoman. "I don't think I've ever seen even a girl act so excited about a prom dress," the woman said, "but, sure you can buy it. We just have to take it off the mannequin." She unzipped a back zipper on the dress and very gently lifted it up and off. "Let's go to the counter and we'll ring it up for you. How will you be paying?"

"I have enough money with me," Lorin said.

"You mean cash?"

"Oh, yeah, I guess."

The woman stared at Lorin a full minute thinking. Then she said, "I don't suppose it's any of my business, but I just want to say to you, be careful. Do you understand?"

Lorin looked at her fearfully. "You mean carrying so much money?"

"You know what I mean."

Yes he did know what she meant. She knew the dress was for him. He wanted to run away as fast as he could or vanish into the floor. But the dress was splayed over the counter and it was so beautiful and he could not imagine leaving it behind. He was so in love with the dress he would find some way later to think about what the saleswoman had said and maybe then he would try to be a better person.

Once again he felt tears forming behind his eyes. He must be a terrible person at heart for all that he was doing.

"I don't mean for you to cry," the woman said as she now placed the dress in a plastic garment bag with the store's logo on it.

A few tears slid down Lorin's cheeks while he took out his wallet and put 109 dollars on the counter.

"There's $6.54 in tax also," the saleswoman said.

Lorin counted out some additional money and added it to the $109. The woman took the money and rang up the dress on the register and handed the receipt and some change to Lorin. Then she gave him the dress, which he slung over his arm.

"Remember what I said," she said.

Lorin tried to force a smile as he shook his head up and down in agreement.

Outside in the street Lorin collected himself. Luckily he could not see anyone he knew. He walked around to a side street, took off his backpack and proceeded to fold the dress up so that it would fit inside. He had to break some holes in the plastic to let out air, but he did end up getting the dress, a little bit more crudely than he had intended, to fit inside the backpack. He zipped it up and proceeded to walk home thinking to himself that he was either the luckiest boy in the world, or perhaps the stupidest.
 
Chapter 5
 
Lorin breathed a sigh of relief when he got home: the house was empty. There would be about a half hour until his mom came home. Just enough time to try the dress on. He hurriedly ran to his room, took off his clothes scattering them on the floor and ran into his bathroom taking the dress with him. He was desperate to try it on not only to make sure it fit but because he wanted to find out what it felt like to be pretty. No, even more than that, he wanted to feel feminine. He wanted to feel what the girls in the cotillion picture must have been feeling. There was a girl inside him who wanted to be fulfilled and this was going to be her first moment of life.

He opened the plastic garment bag and gently took out the dress. It was an astonishingly beautiful object. The silky fabric glided over his hand and arm and Lorin sat down on the closed lid of the toilet and hugged the dress against his naked skin and against his cheek.

In the light of the bathroom the lacy pink swirls stood out as they danced around within the ivory fabric. He examined each of the skirt layers and counted three altogether. He laid the dress over a towel rack and in a sudden inspiration ran to his sister's room and looked in her waste paper basket for the panties. They were still there, now underneath some paper. He fished out a white pair and ran back to his bathroom and put the panty on. He retrieved his bra from its hiding place and put that on.

He gazed at himself in the mirror and felt overcome with happiness to see his delicate body wearing the bra and panties. He imagined himself getting dressed for the cotillion. He was sure that the moment the other girls saw his dress they would oooh! and aaah! and excitedly exclaim how pretty it was. He would feel so proud and lucky that it was his dress to wear.

With a racing heart he held the dress up over his head and let it fall down over his shoulders until his head came through the opening. The dress had a sleeveless bodice with a back zipper and he found that he could just hold the zipper by bunching the dress up on his shoulders and in this way zip it up as he inched the dress down. When the zipper was fully zipped he let go of the gathered skirts and they fell down around him to just above his knees. He looked up in the large mirror over the sink and was stunned by the sight.

It was better than his wildest dreams! The dress looked like it had been made for him. He gazed in excitement at his shoulders and upper arms and how pretty and delicate they looked as an extension of the white bodice, and how prettily the material gathered around his bust and around his waist and the gently resting skirts that dangled to his knees. The dress was ideal for his slender physique. His eyes kept coming back to his thin arms as they framed the beautiful ivory fabric. He lowered his hands until they rested gently on the skirt. He took a few steps while he gazed at the image of a young girl in the mirror. He laughed with glee and he held the skirts up and twirled in a circle. He skipped out of the bathroom and then down the upstairs hall. He gazed down the stairway and impulsively ran down it and around the living room. He skipped, he pretended to pirouette and he sashayed as if he were a model in Paris and New York. He looked out the front window and saw his mother's car coming down the block toward the house.

"Oh shit," he yelled and ran back upstairs and into his bathroom. He raced to take off the dress without tearing a seam and then took off his bra and panty. He heard his mother entering the house. She called out to him as was her custom, "Lorin?"

"Hi mom," he yelled back. He could hear her ascending the stairs. He gathered up the dress, and hastily stuffed it into its plastic garment bag and put it in the hiding place.

"Hi honey. Good day at school?" she called from outside his room.

"Yes mom," he said, standing naked behind the bathroom door. He threw the bra and panty in the secret hole and put back the cover as quietly as he could. He glanced around for his clothes and then remembered they were in his bedroom. He opened the bathroom door and peeked his head out. He took a step toward his clothes lying on the floor and at the same time his mom opened the door.

Lorin shrieked and his mother backed out "I'm sorry Lorin. I had no idea!"

"I was changing my clothes!" Lorin said.

"I could see that! But why?"

"I spilled some milk on them."

"Put them in the hamper."

"I will mom." He heard her walking down the hall. She was gone. A close call. It had been a very close call. He realized that he had put his sister's panty in the hiding place with his own clothes. It left him vulnerable should his sister go looking for it in the trash. He was definitely going to have to control his impulses much more if he was to actually get to camp Shoni this summer. He put his clothes back on and lay down on his bed thinking about the dress. He ached to wear it again but just the thought that he had it so close to himself was good enough to assuage his longing. If he couldn't wear it now, at least he could write about it and he fetched his diary and wrote a long note to Barbie about how he had gotten a dress, as pretty as any that Barbie owned herself.

When he was done, he began thinking about all the other things he would have to get. Buying everything on the camp list was probably not possible. Besides the mental strain of having to face many sales ladies he did not have enough money to do it. He would have to brainstorm and figure out some cheaper ways to get clothes.

The first thing he would do would be to get the rest of his sister's panties and that was a good start. What else could he do? He remembered that there was a second hand clothing store in town, called "Second Time Around." It was off the beaten track in a private home on a side street. He had walked past it a few times and never gone in. There was also a place behind the fire station where clothing for the poor was collected. He had sometimes gone with his mom when she dropped off bags of clothing. It was usually deserted there and the clothes were just in a large bin. He could probably take a look after school one day and maybe he'd find something he could use. His most immediate concern was getting the remainder of his sister Stephanie's panties and he felt confidant that he'd be able to pull that off one way or another.

Getting the bras would be a big problem. The chance of finding them in the thrift shop or in the free box was negligible. What he could do, however, was take the bus to the Fairfield mall and look around there. It was so big and anonymous that he could get the bras with less potential for personalized attention than he got at Jensen's. That was it. He had a plan. Now all he had to do was get the opportunities to implement it.
 

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The next night when dinner was over his mom asked, "who's turn is it to collect the trash?"

Lorin new it was Stephanie's turn so he said, "I think its mine." He saw Stephanie smile; she was never big on doing household chores and just like he figured she was happy not to correct his mistake.

"No, Lorin," his dad said. "I distinctly remember that you did the garbage last week."

"Dad," Stephanie said in a slight whine.

"I don't mind at all," Lorin said.

"It's not nice to deceive your brother," his dad said, "or to shirk responsibility."

"All right, all right, I'll do it," Stephanie said and got up from the table.

"Lorin, you have to stick up for yourself," his dad said.

"I truly don't mind doing the trash," Lorin said.

"Well that's the first time you ever mentioned that," his mother said.

Now that he knew for sure that Stephanie was emptying her own waste basket, he hoped that she wouldn't notice the missing panty. Fearfully, he crept upstairs to see if he could sense if Stephanie noticed anything unusual. She had gathered some of the upstairs garbage cans into the hallway and had gotten a large green plastic bag to dump their contents into. Just as he was passing her on the way to his room he saw the panties from her trash can go into the trash. Stephanie stopped what she was doing and reached in the bag and pulled out a panty. It was the almost new panty girdle and Stephanie looked at it as if she was having second thoughts about tossing it away. She looked up at Lorin and he hurried past her and into his room. In a minute he heard her resume her task, but almost as quickly she called out to him, "hey Lorin."

Lorin froze in fear. "What?" he called out.

"I need your trash bucket."

"OK," Lorin said with some relief.

He obliged her and waited while Stephanie emptied it. When she was done she headed downstairs with the large bag. As far as Lorin could tell she had not taken the panty girdle but he wasn't sure.
 

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Lorin needed a plan B now that his sister's panties were mixed in with other trash in the green garbage bag sitting at the end of the driveway. Unless he snuck out of the house at night, the only thing he could do was to nab the panties in the morning after everyone else left and before he went to school. A big problem with this plan was that the garbage men usually came pretty early, in fact, just about the time he would be leaving for school. Since he was not crazy about sneaking outside in the dark in the middle of the night, he decided he'd hope for the best and attempt to snag the panties in the morning. If the attempt failed, at least he could console himself with the fact that he had managed to get one of the panties. On the other hand, the panties he had were not the prettiest. He particularly coveted the panty girdle and prayed that he'd get a chance to retrieve it in the morning. Lorin spent a restless night worrying about the trash.

In the morning he was happy to see that both his sister and father left promptly on schedule as they always did. All that was left was for his mom to leave. Lorin got himself ready to go to school and stood looking out the front window for any sign of the garbage truck. Luckily it was nowhere in sight. His mother seemed to be particularly slow to leave. Lorin paced back and forth. Finally at the same moment that he saw the garbage truck in the distance, his mother approached him on her way out of the house.

"My, you're early today," she said.

"Yeah, I guess I got up a little early. I was worrying about a test."

"You do have to learn to relax Lorin. You have been looking tense lately."

"I will mom."

"Bye honey. Remember to lock up."

His mother left the house, got in her car parked in front and drove off just as the garbage truck was backing up toward the house. Lorin ran out the door and reached the garbage bag just ahead of the garbage man. Lorin shouted, "I threw something in by accident. I need to get it."

"Can't wait," the garbage man said and he jumped back up onto the rear of the truck, and Lorin watched as the truck proceeded back up the road toward another house.

Lorin took the bag back inside the house and opened it up. As luck would have it, he found the panties in the bottom of the bag. He counted them quickly, two panties and the panty girdle. Thank goodness Stephanie had not taken it. The panties were partly covered with coffee grounds but the panty girdle seemed to be unscathed.

Lorin laughed to himself with the realization that he now had for himself a bag of garbage. He had to leave for school immediately or he would be late. He ran upstairs to his room, tucked the panties under the mattress, gathered up his book bag and the garbage bag and left the house. He would have to get rid of the garbage bag somewhere on the route to school.

As he walked along he felt self-conscious holding the large, heavy, green bag. It was tempting to put it along side someone else's garbage, but he was in full view of the houses and everywhere he looked he could see at least a couple of people. He walked along wondering what he should do when he met up with Kenny at their usual spot.

"What you got there Lorin," Kenny asked intrigued by the large sack.

"Garbage," Lorin said.

"What do you mean garbage?" Kenny said dumbfounded.

"You know, garbage, garbage. Look I'm an idiot. My parents told me to take out the trash and I screwed around and missed the garbage truck and they'll kill me if they see it there tonight. So I just grabbed it and I'll find a place to put it."

Kenny doubled over with laughter. "That's the funniest thing I've ever heard," he said with tears streaming down his cheeks.

"Help me find a place to put it."

"Just put it down anywhere. Right here at this house."

"You think so?" Lorin said, but just as they got to it a man appeared in front and Lorin held onto the bag.

"Put it right here," Kenny said at the next house. There was a single garbage can in front of it.

"I can't afford to get into trouble," Lorin said.

"What trouble?"

"If I get caught they could tell my parents."

Kenny said, "Lorin you are ridiculous. Give me the bag."

"What do you mean?" Lorin said.

"Just give it to me," Kenny said and Lorin handed him the bag.

At the first collection of trash they came across Kenny nonchalantly put the garbage bag down and told Lorin, "keep walking." Lorin obeyed though he looked around in all directions feeling terribly guilty. "Now was that difficult?" Kenny said. "Sometimes Lorin you act like a girl. You're so afraid."

Startled by the comment, Lorin's mind jumped into overdrive thinking about what Kenny had said. He must think like a girl. It was obvious to others. He felt a bubble of happiness rise through his heart.

"Kenny!" Lorin said, "I'll have to punch you."

"You punch like a girl, Lorin," Kenny said and ran ahead laughing.

Lorin ran after him and when he caught up with him," Kenny said, "you run like a girl."

Lorin thought of saying that that wasn't true but he didn't want it to not be true. Lorin tried to feebly punch Kenny as if he was a girl. "You punch like a girl," Kenny said and the two of them laughed at the joke, but Kenny had no way of knowing that it was no joke for Lorin.
 

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When he got home from school that day Lorin quickly tried on the panties and then the panty girdle. The blue panties was of a satiny fabric with a sort of lacy panel in the front and lace around the leg holes. He was definitely going to wear that one a lot. He wished he could get more of them.
 

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With just 60 dollars left to spend for clothes, a shopping trip to the mall was going to have to be the strategy of last resort. He would save his money for buying exactly the right sized "Thank Goodness it Fits" bras assuming he did not find them in the thrift store or in the free clothing box. He was anxious to begin his search for the rest of his clothes, but it was not until Thursday that a good opportunity presented itself for him to get down to the task at hand.

On that day Kenny had to stay late at school for band practice leaving Lorin free to do what he wanted after school. He made a beeline for the thrift store to get some idea of the possibilities. It would have been nice if it were just before Halloween so he could maybe pretend to anyone who was in the store that he was shopping for a costume. In any event, if he were lucky, he might be the only customer in which case he might actually have the courage to get whatever he wanted.

When he got to the store it turned out to be exactly as he imagined. In fact, it was even better. Sitting in the front at an ancient cash register was an elderly man, a very elderly man who was the only person there. He looked up at Lorin when he entered and Lorin said, nervously, that he had to look for some clothes for his sister who was in a wheel chair. The man either did not understand what Lorin was saying or else didn't care since he said nothing.

Lorin looked around to see what was there. The layout consisted of several rooms, each packed with clothing. In the entrance room near the old man was a few dusty racks on which were prepackaged men's underwear and socks. Behind them Lorin saw a rack holding bras but they were enormous and probably for large, older women. They were plain white and devoid of any sort of decoration. Glancing through them Lorin saw sizes 40D, 38EE and just one smaller bra a 34C. Clearly this was not a place to buy bras, unless there was some used ones somewhere else.

He walked into the next room. The floorboards squeaked as he walked and he felt oppressed by the silence when he stopped walking. There was a moldy smell to everything and Lorin could see why he was the only person there. It was a sad and depressing place. He looked around and saw that there were several racks stuffed with dresses. He had figured out from looking at various advertising inserts that came in the newspaper that girls often wore sun dresses in the warm weather and he figured he'd get one if he could find one that was pretty enough and also fit him. Many of the ones he had seen advertised had spaghetti straps and it was apparent to him that they could only be worn with a strapless bra. Some sun dresses had tank tops that one could easily wear a bra under and he figured that they would be best for him since he didn't want to get involved in buying a strapless bra, and particularly one that would hold up falsies.

The dress racks were organized by size, but Lorin discovered when he started going through them that practically every other dress was a different size. Probably the dresses hadn't been sorted in years. Lorin would have loved to do that job. Most of the dresses he looked at had ugly colors and weird styles. They were packed in so tight it was hard to even get a decent look at them. Near the end of the size 8 rack he came upon a pink sundress. It was perfect. It was of soft cotton with a straight skirt and a sort of stretchy top that he could definitely wear a bra under. There was a large appliqued rose on the front of the skirt. He was still the only customer in the shop and he held the dress up against himself. It looked like it would fit. He would have to buy it. A tag on it said $5 and Lorin was gleeful that it cost so little.

He put the dress down and continued his search. After a few minutes he had gone through the rack that was nominally for size 8 dresses and he had found no others that he liked. The other racks held dresses of different sizes, and it would take a lot of time to through them all. He'd have to come back another day. He took a peek in the next room and to his amazement saw an entire rack of white crinolines. He went through them quickly looking for ones that would be about the right length for his cotillion dress. His found one that would be perfect, if only it fit his waist. He looked back toward the entrance and listened. It was still quiet. The old man must still be sitting at the cash register.

Lorin ducked behind an alcove and quickly stepped into the crinoline and lifted it up over his pants to his waist. The crinoline had an elastic waist that was just a tad too loose. He took off the crinoline and while contemplating what he should do, noticed that inside the soft white nylon on one side of the waistband was a button that could be adjusted. He fiddled with it and ended up tightening the waist by two buttons and again put the crinoline on. It now definitely fit his waist. He took it off and searched for the price. A tag attached to the waistband said it was fifteen dollars. He would buy the sundress and crinoline and come back the next week and perhaps find some other things.

Before he went up to the front to pay Lorin took a quick look around the rest of the shop. A table with girl's shorts on it was the only other section he saw that might be useful to him. No bathing suits, no slips or other lingerie. If he was lucky he'd find a few more nice things here next week. He went up to the counter and put the dress and crinoline on it in front of the old man. The man cleared his throat and fumbled around looking for the tag on the sundress. He had a terrible palsy and the tag shook when he finally found it. "Five Dollars," he said. Then he took what seemed like an eternity to get a paper bag in which he put the sundress. He then started the same procedure for the crinoline. "Fifteen dollars," the man said. "That'll be twenty."

Lorin took a twenty dollar bill from his wallet and handed it over. The man rang up the sale on the register and inserted the money. He attempted to fold up the crinoline but it was large and unwieldy and finally Lorin said, "I don't really need a bag for it. I'll just put it in my backpack." The man looked at Lorin as if he did not understand, but did not object when Lorin took the crinoline from him and folded it up and put it into his backpack along with the bag containing the sundress.

"Thanks a lot," Lorin said. "I hope to come back next week."

The man nodded and went back to sitting in his chair. Lorin ran out the door and headed home with his wonderful new possessions.
 

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When Lorin got home he went to his bathroom to try on the sundress. This time he made sure to place his clothes inside the bathroom in case his mother came home. When he was naked, he slipped the sundress over his head and pulled it down.

His heart ached with happiness when he saw how well it fit him. With his thin figure in the pretty pink dress he looked like a rather delicate young girl. There was no doubt about it. With just a change in hairstyle he could see himself as one of Penny's girl friends. With almost two months to go before camp started it seemed like an eon of time he would have to wait before he could finally be Lauren.

Lorin thought of getting out his gown to see how it fit over the crinoline but decided against it. He would have to exercise as much self-control as possible lest he jeopardize the entire plan by an unexpected visit from his mom, dad or sister. He took off the sundress, opened up his hiding place and put the things in, and then locked it back up.

As was his habit, he lay on his bed, retrieved his diary and wrote:
 
 



Dear Barbie:
Gosh, so much has happened. I've now got three panties, a panty girdle, a bra, a sundress and my dress and crinoline for the cotillion. There is still so much to buy, but the way things are now going I expect to have everything I need in no time at all. You can't believe how pretty I look in the sundress! I felt so feminine wearing it that I can't stand not wearing it all the time. I would just love to go to school like that, as a new girl in the class. No one would even suspect it was Lorin, well, after I get my hair styled differently. Bye bye for now, I hear my mom coming in the front door.

Lots of love, your girl friend!!!!

Lauren!!!!


 
 

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Lorin had been so preoccupied with his plans for getting his camp clothes that he hadn't thought much about what the next step ought to be with Penny. He was thus surprised when Penny turned around in English class one day and handed him an invitation to a party at her house.

"I'm having a party for some of the kids in the class. The Saturday after next, I hope you can make it."

"I'm sure I can," Lorin said. "That's so nice of you."

He surreptitiously opened the invitation while Mr. Oster called the class to order. The invitation consisted of a printed card with swirling daisies on which Penny had written the time date and place of the party. Below she had written a special note to Lorin saying: "I really hope you can make it!"

Lorin couldn't tell what made him more excited: being invited to his very first party or the fact that Penny seemed to really like him despite what he had considered to be his poor showing on their date. He hoped that Kenny was also invited. If he weren't it would only hurt him if Lorin mentioned the party to him, so Lorin realized that he would just have to keep quiet about it and hope to see Kenny at the party.

It was hard for Lorin to stifle the fantasy that maybe Penny wanted to be his girl friend. This invitation could be a giant hint. He wished he knew for sure. Maybe he would discuss it with his dad. Anyway, things were sure looking up, except for the nagging thought that he was deceiving Penny about his desire to be Lauren. Stealing her bra was bad enough. Even worse was the fact that every time he was with her he would know that he had a secret life unfolding bit by bit. And then this summer he would be Lauren and there would be a cotillion picture taken with him seated with all the other girls. In the fall it was hard to imagine being Lorin again. Would he be able to withstand the psychological currents? Only time would tell.
 

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A few days later, Lorin's mom sent him over to Mrs. McGonagle's house with a casserole and instructions to find out if there was any help she needed. "She's having a rough time now that she's alone. We all need to try and brighten her life." Lorin had always like Mrs. McGonagle so he had no objection to doing as his mother said. To deliver the casserole, he had to walk the long way around to avoid climbing the fence that lay between their yards.

Mrs. McGonagle was quite pleased to see Lorin and very much touched by his offer to help her with any chores around the house that might be difficult for her. "You can help me move some cartons down from my daughter Sally's room. I've been in a mood to simplify now that Fred is gone. He was so nostalgic. Didn't want to throw out anything, especially Sally's stuff that she left behind when she moved out after college. I always told him. If she doesn't want it, why should we?"

Up in her daughter's former room Mrs. McGonagle indicated a number of large cartons for Lorin to carry downstairs and put out on the porch. "It's just a lot of clothes that she outgrew or thought wasn't cool enough to wear. You know how girls are." Her sentence stung him. Lorin so desperately wanted to know "how girls are." "I'm giving them all to the Goodwill."

Lorin picked up the first carton and carried it down the stairs and out onto the side porch while Mrs. McGonagle remained upstairs filling up another carton. Lorin noticed that the carton was not taped shut and after listening carefully to make sure that Mrs. McGonagle was not coming down the stairs he opened the flaps and looked inside. On top was a white blouse that he lifted out and opened up to get a better look. It was in a peasant style with puffy sleeves and lace around the neck and arm openings.

Miracle of miracles it looked like it would fit him. What other clothes were in there he wondered. Hastily he put the blouse back and went back upstairs. He fetched the second carton and this time after he brought it to the porch he poked down deep inside it feeling around with his hand. He came across something soft and pulled it out. It was a girls' bathing suit decorated with green flowers and styled with a small attached skirt. Oh my God, Lorin thought. It could be perfect for him if it fit since it would hide his telltale bulge. How perfect. It was something he had not thought about before.

Excited at the possibilities, Lorin climbed back up the stairs trying to think of a plan as to how he could get the clothes. What other wonderful things lurked in the cartons? He would need time to go through them carefully and try on things. There was just one more box and Mrs. McGonagle followed Lorin down the stairs with it. He put it next to the other two. Casually glancing around the porch Lorin saw that there was a screen door opening to the back yard that was held shut by a simple hook.

Before he left, he would have to undo the hook and then sneak back sometime to get the clothes. "When might the Goodwill people come?" Lorin asked, trying to sound like he was being friendly.

"They usually come pretty quickly. Maybe tomorrow. Why?

"Nothing, I am just curious how it works. I don't think my mom and dad have ever had them come to get something."

"Come, have some milk and cookies. You've been a big help."

Lorin sat down at the kitchen table and Mrs. McGonagle served him some cookies and milk. While he ate, the phone rang and she excused herself to answer it in the next room. As soon as she was gone, Lorin crept back onto the porch, undid the outside door latch, and quickly returned to his seat.

It was not a moment too soon. "That was your mom. I told her you were an angel."

Lorin smiled and wondered when he might get a chance to carry out his mission.
 

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That night, after Lorin had gone to bed he was unable to sleep. There was a very real possibility that the boxes of clothes would be picked up by Goodwill the next day. Ms. McGonagle had said as much. His only time to act was that night. He would have to do something really crazy, like sneak out when everyone was asleep and carry out his mission as if he were a commando. The thought of doing something like that was terrifying, but Lorin had no choice. He would have to do it, or suffer the pain of knowing that he had let all those great clothes slip through his fingers. He would have to do it very late, like at 2AM or so but he would also have to stay awake until then since it was too risky to have his alarm clock go off in the middle of the night. Lorin turned on his reading lamp, found a book and began reading. In a short while he fell asleep.

At 3:30 AM Lorin awoke with a start and looked at the clock. "Oh, shit," he said and got out of bed. He dressed himself in black pants and a black long sleeve shirt and black socks and put on black sneakers. He put his flash light in his pocket and silently snuck down the stairs to the living room. He crossed it to the kitchen and gathered a few plastic bags from the cupboard. He turned the latch on the kitchen door and gently pulled it. It gave just slightly and he pulled harder. Suddenly it sprang open making a noticeable sound and Lorin froze in place listening to see if his parents or sister had heard it.

After a few tense minutes he relaxed and exited the house. He crept quietly around to the back yard and then to the fence. There had been many times that he had had to chase balls into Mrs. McGonagle's back yard and so he was adept at climbing the fence. Just a sliver of the moon peaked out from behind some high clouds and a gentle wind was blowing. The sound of his beating heart was so loud in his ears that he thought he might have a heart attack. It was scary. This was going to take every ounce of courage he could muster. He climbed over the fence without incident and slowly made his way to the porch door. He prayed that Mrs. McGonagle had not relocked the door.

With racing heart he tested the door and it opened a crack. Elated, he opened it further and there was a large crackling sound of the metal spring that was used to force it back when opened. The sound seemed to echo and bounce around the porch as if it would wake up the whole neighborhood. How in the world would he ever get in with that sound? A dog a few houses away barked a couple of times and Lorin contemplated going home in defeat. He waited. Clearly he had not disturbed Mrs. McGonagle, or, had he. She might this very minute be calling the police to catch a burglar.

He waited longer. It was still quiet in the house. His bladder suddenly felt full and he wished he could pee. To go ahead with the plan he would have to muffle the sound of the door spring. He gently closed the door and looked around in the back yard to see if there was something he might use. He dimly made out a sheet hanging on a clothesline and took it off. Back at the door he wrapped it several times around the spring and then tried opening the door again. It now made a much fainter sound and with all his nerves he opened the door enough to fit through and slid onto the porch.

At the first carton he slowly opened the top and shined his flashlight inside. He took out the peasant blouse and put it in his bag. Below this were some long pants and a couple of sweaters. Then he saw something pink and fished it out. It was a pair of shorts. He held them up to his waist and decided that they probably would fit. He continued on through the rest of the box and then into the others. He accumulated several pairs of shorts, four blouses, two skirts, two bathing suits, both of which had little skirts, five pairs of panties and two slips, one short and one long.

At the very bottom of the last box was a pair of white high heels. He took off one of his shoes and tried on the girl's shoe. It was a bit tight but after some effort he got it on. It would have to suffice in case he couldn't find any other shoes to wear with his cotillion dress.

The clothing he had accumulated filled three bags and he realized that the boxes would appear to be much emptier if Mrs. McGonagle were to look in them. He looked around the porch and saw several stacks of old plastic flowerpots. He took several of these and shoved them under the clothing of each box raising the level. He would have a few tense days worrying about whether Mrs. McGonagle had noticed this or not. Luckily he figured that there would be no proof that he had done it and even if she were to accuse him he would just lie and lie until they gave up. He was starting to think like a criminal. But there was nothing he could do about it. He was so far into this there was no turning back. He had to think only about the good side: that he now had made a big dent in getting his summer wardrobe and, if he were really, really lucky, in a few short weeks he'd be at Camp Shoni.

Lorin gathered the bags and headed to the porch door when suddenly a light came on in the kitchen. Lorin nearly fainted in fear and he felt a huge thump in his heart and loins. He lay down on the floor and rolled under a wooden bench next to a picnic table tucking the bags of clothes against himself. Suddenly the door to the kitchen flung open and Lorin felt the presence of Mrs. McGonagle. What had she heard, he wondered? Perhaps she had seen his flashlight. If she took a couple of steps out onto the porch she would surely see him in the light from the doorway.

Mrs. McGonagle said, "Sarge, I've told you a thousand times to stay off my face when I sleep. As punishment you'll have to stay out here tonight."

There was a loud sound of a cat meowing and the next thing Lorin knew Mrs. McGonagle threw her cat onto the porch. The kitchen door then slammed shut and in a minute the lights went out. Lorin wanted to dance for joy but in the next moment he could see Sarge staring at his face in the dark. Lorin stood up, gathered his bags and hurriedly left through the porch door.

After he got outside he realized that Sarge had left with him. Accidentally, Lorin stepped on the cat's tail and Sarge let out a loud screech. Immediately the light went on in an upstairs window. Lorin grabbed the sheet from the screen door, ran across the backyard, threw the sheet over the line and raced to the back fence. He tossed the bags over it and then clambered over himself just as he heard Ms. McGonagle running across the yard after Sarge.

"You damn cat. Did you see a fox? How did you get outside? Sometimes I want to strangle you."

Gasping for breath, Lorin rested against his side of the fence listening for Mrs. McGonagle to go back inside. In a few minutes he heard the screen door slam. Lorin got up, tiptoed across the yard and entered his house closing the door behind him. Slowly and methodically he scaled the steps and went into his room. He put his treasure under the bed to await the next day when he would find out how successful he had really been.

After he undressed and put away his black clothes he shut out the light and climbed into bed. A minute later he got up, turned the light back on, reached under the bed and fumbled through the bags until he had pulled out a panty and the half-slip. The latter was silky soft, pale blue. He put the panties and slip on, got back into bed and pulled the covers up to his neck. He felt happy and proud of himself. The mission had been successful. It had taken a lot of courage. He was becoming a girl, bit by bit by bit.

He reached under the covers and touched the silky fabric and sighed deeply. Tomorrow he would have to write a very long letter to Barbie telling her all about what he had done, and about how happy he felt, and about how much like a girl he was becoming. Just before he fell asleep he decided that tomorrow, and from now on, except gym days, he would wear panties to school. He certainly had enough pairs now so that it made sense.
 
Chapter 6
 
At dinner the day after his "commando raid" to Mrs. McGonagle's porch, Lorin listened guiltily as his mom related what she had heard that afternoon from Mrs. McGonagle. It seems that she had inadvertently scared off a burglar that previous evening when by chance she turned out her cat that had been annoying her. She had not actually seen the burglar, but this morning she had noticed that one of her sheets, which had been drying outdoors in the backyard, had gotten some terrible grease stains on it. In addition, she was sure that the burglar had left open the screen door so that her cat got out. She thinks that the burglar was intending to take some boxes of old clothes that were lying on the porch waiting for Goodwill to pick up. The strangest thing was that the burglar had added some old plastic pots to the boxes as if he wanted to take them also.

"Wow, how bizarre," Lorin's dad said. "Stealing plastic flower pots? I think that a more probable explanation is that Mrs. McGonagle forgot to lock the porch door; the cat got out and scratched the sheet. She probably absentmindedly put the flower pots in with the clothes. Or it could have been a raccoon," his dad said. "They like to clean up after eating and one of them could have used her sheet to dry its hands."

"Not funny," Lorin's mom said as she suppressed a laugh. "She has enough stress in her life without having to deal with burglars or pushy raccoons. Lorin was helping her yesterday afternoon. How was she then?"

"She seemed the same to me. She gave me milk and cookies."

"She is a sweet old lady. I hope we all can be as courageous as her when we get that old."
 

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The time had come when Lorin was expecting a letter from Camp Shoni containing information about who his bunkmates would be. Would he be in a cabin of bunnies or with some wolves? Lorin was fearful of being put in a cabin with girls who saw themselves as wolves since he imagined they would be brash and over-confident and probably not afraid of finding out anything they wanted about him. Particularly if they had any suspicions of whether or not he was really a girl! He knew that he was a bunny at heart. At least he understood that to mean that he was gentle, that he liked being a girl, that he took pleasure in his own femininity. The wolves probably did not feel that way. They probably hated wearing dresses. He couldn't imagine how any girl would not be absolutely ecstatic about having society's permission to wear skirts or dresses whenever they wanted. He envied girls that freedom and if his summer was to be perfect he wanted to be surrounded by girls who felt the same way that he did.

It is not an exaggeration to say that as each day came and went Lorin became more and more of a nervous wreck. He was worried about accidentally missing the envelope. Or it could arrive on Saturday when very likely his mom or dad would be first at the mail box. His fears were compounded when after dinner on Tuesday his mom called him into the study to listen to a voice mail message that had come in that day. She played it for him. It was a woman's voice: "Hello this is Jensen's department store. We want to let you know that Penny's bras have arrived. She can pick them up at any time. They're at the sales desk and we can hold them just until Saturday. Thank you."

Lorin came as close to having a stroke as somebody can without actually having one. While inside his mind he felt for sure that his arteries would burst, he forced himself to smile and feign ignorance.

"Gosh, mom, I don't know." A sudden desire came over him to confess everything. The deception was too much for him to maintain any longer.

He searched for some words and his mom looked at him with amusement. "I think your friend Penny must have given Jensen's our phone number."

Lorin was speechless. "Why would she do that?"

"How many Penny's are there? I don't think it's a very common name around here. And the fact that it's our exact phone number. I was thinking that you should relay the message to Penny, assuming she's the one. Otherwise she might not know the bras have arrived."

"You mean tell her that her ..."

"Bras. They won't bite you Lorin. She'll be very grateful to you. Look, do you want me to call her up instead?"

"No! I'll tell her in school tomorrow. OK?"

"Sure. That's fine. You could just tell her Jensen's called about her order. You don't even have to mention that it was bras."

"Thanks, mom. That's what I'll do."

"Thank you. Now you better finish your homework."
 

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The next evening at dinner Lorin's mom asked him if he'd relayed the message to Penny. Before he could say anything about it, his dad asked, "what message?"

"Yesterday Jenkins department store left a message that Penny's bras had arrived and she could come pick them up."

"On our answering machine?"

"Mom," Lorin broke in, blushing. "I told Penny about the message. What happened she guessed is that she and Janice were buying you know whats and while they were at the desk they were talking about the guest list for the party, and she was holding a list of phone numbers and names, and somehow by accident the woman wrote down the wrong number."

"How strange," his mom said with some amusement. "Kids can be so ditzy."

After dinner things got even tenser for Lorin when his dad called him into his study. In front of him was his check book. "We got the bill for the balance of your camp today. I need you to put it in the mail tomorrow," his dad said and then started chuckling. "It's actually very amusing." His dad let out a guffaw. "The secretary at that camp is a dodo!"

"What do you mean dad?" Lorin said trying to smile but feeling like he was about to be hit by a sledgehammer. How in the world did the letter get by him? He had carefully checked the mail that afternoon.

"Look!" his dad said and convulsed with laughter. He held up the bill and on it it said, "Balance due for camper Lauren Baxter" and below that a box next to "Camp Ne-Zhoni Ah-tad" had been checked. Well actually the check mark just missed the box by a tiny amount so that it was between the Camp Shoni box and the Camp Dan box.

"The secretary must have thought that Lorin was Lauren and just went ahead and turned you into a girl!" His dad shook with laughter.

Lorin desperately wanted to laugh but the intensity of blood rushing through his head made him feel faint. He managed a weak smile. "Gosh dad. It's pretty strange." He then saw the ripped open envelope on the desk and he picked it up and saw that the return address was just CCLN followed by a P.O. Box. "Damn," he thought. CCLN meant Confederated Camps of Lake Navajo. To his dad he said, "All the other stuff that came was for Camp Dan."

"I know Lorin; it's just a foolish error. I'll make a note about it on the form." His dad found a black marker pen and printed L O R I N over the Lauren that was there. He then put a large X on the square in front of Camp Dah-nes-tsa. "That should wake them up!" He wrote the check, slipped it and the camp form into the return envelope, sealed it, put a stamp on it and handed it to Lorin. "Don't forget to mail it tomorrow!"

"Thanks Dad, I won't."

"There are so many weird things going on around here, it's like we're haunted," Lorin's dad said chuckling to himself.

Ashen faced, Lorin walked back to his room thinking that he must be like a cat with nine lives and that maybe he had only one or two left. If he actually did end up getting to Camp Shoni it would have to be because God really wanted him to be wearing his pretty dress at the Cotillion. Why else would he have such good luck?
 

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In the morning Lorin ripped open the envelope his dad had sealed and he made a hand written facsimile of the original form. In small letters near the bottom he wrote "original form got wet, hope this is OK." He addressed a new envelope to CCLN and placed the form and check inside and sealed it. On his way to school he mailed it.
 

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That afternoon an oversized manila envelope addressed to Lauren Baxter from Camp Shoni arrived in the afternoon mail and Lorin breathed a big sigh of relief that he had gotten it before his parents would have seen it. The package clearly contained something soft inside and when Lorin opened it up, besides all the camp information he was expecting, there was a bright pink tee-shirt. Across the front it said, "I'm a bunny at Camp Ne-Zhoni Ah tad" with a cute picture of a smiling bunny in the middle. It was clear that he was going to be a bunny and Lorin found himself laughing with glee.

Inside the envelope was a form letter that had been filled out indicating that he was assigned to Cabin 4 and that the 8 girls in it would all be bunnies. Below this was a list of the eight girls including their names, phone numbers and email addresses. He was listed second after Ann. Following his name was Thalia, Susan, Eileen, Janet, Joan and Judy. Something about the reality of seeing his name included with seven other girls made him choke up with emotion and he stopped laughing. Here was living proof of the reality of what he had done. It was not just that he was running around planning to be a girl and buying and pilfering pretty clothes. No. He had forced others to be a part of his deception. There were seven girls in his cabin that now had gotten this same letter and saw a girl named Lauren Baxter and did not know that this girl was really a boy. He had no choice but to make sure that he was as perfect a girl as he could be, so they would never ever find out that they had been tricked.

It was also true that in his heart he was truly Lauren Baxter. He knew that he would definitely have more in common with the girls in his cabin than he would ever have with a group of boys in Camp Dan. That had to be true. Deep down inside himself he knew it had to be true. He smiled with the realization that it would not be hard to be Lauren this summer. He was emotionally a girl and by being himself, he would be Lauren.

The letter mentioned that the counselor for Cabin 4 would be Marilyn who was a sophomore at Penn State majoring in theatre. The letter encouraged the girls to either call or email each other ahead of time and asked them to wear their bunny tee shirts to camp the first day. Lorin saw that the form had his family phone number listed. If one of the girls called him he'd have to talk to her as Lauren. He would have to make up and practice using his Lauren voice. It also occurred to him that he would have to be prepared if one of the girls should call and his parents answered the phone.

He hid the shirt with his other Lauren clothes and turned on the downstairs television and flipped through the stations until he found a program with a group of teenage girls. He listened to them for a few minutes and then turned off the sound and tried imitating what he had heard. Then he turned the sound back on and listened some more. He repeated this for an hour until he heard his mom come home and he turned off the television and went back to his room. He guessed that he had a gift as an impressionist since he felt that with just a little more practice he would have a passable girl voice. The harder part was to say girl things in conversation. He had tried that with Penny and Janice and he knew that it did take some effort to get into talking about the kinds of subjects girls might be prone to talk about. In any event, over the phone he probably could do OK though he would pretend he was very shy so he wouldn't have to say very much. The moment he was on the bus heading to camp, however, he would have to jump completely into feeling, talking and acting like a girl.
 

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Just like the previous Thursday, Lorin was free to go clothes hunting after school since Kenny was busy, so he decided he had better go get his bras at Jensen's Department store. He walked there after school, and the whole way there he hoped and prayed that he would have enough courage to buy the bras no matter what happened. He especially prayed that the woman he had bought his cotillion dress from would not be there, though since this was also a Thursday he figured she was likely to be working somewhere in the women's department.

Being a midweek afternoon, Lorin was relieved to see that the store was not well populated. Glancing around he saw no one he knew and he took the escalator up to the intimate apparel section. On the way there he noted that there was no longer a display of the prom dress he had bought. The others that were there did not compete in prettiness with the one he had gotten.

In the bra department he saw a couple of women waiting on line to purchase bras and panties at the counter and he uncomfortably got in line behind them. Though he felt terribly nervous, he also reminded himself that he sort of had a right to be there since he was in some sort of way also a girl. He was definitely not like other boys, that was for sure. To his chagrin he saw that the saleswoman was the very one who had sold him the dress. She was busy folding up a couple of bras and putting them in a paper bag when Lorin saw her look up and see him. Lorin was sure that she seemed startled in some way, though he wasn't certain if it was because she was unhappy or happy to see him.

Lorin hoped that the woman ahead of him would be quick since he was afraid that someone might enter the line behind him, in which case she would be able to listen to him ask for the bras. Fortunately the woman ahead of him only wanted to exchange a panty girdle for one of the same type but in a larger size. "I thought this would fit me, but I just couldn't get my big butt into it." The saleswoman laughed and Lorin wanted to also, but he kept quiet instead.

Finally it was his turn. "How did your dress fit?" the saleswoman said.

The remark caught Lorin so off guard he couldn't think of anything to say. In a panic, he thought he should just run away, but before he did so the woman said, "you know I checked with the store lawyer who I happened to see at a coffee break and he told me that there is actually no law prohibiting the store from selling girls clothes to minor boys. I had been feeling somewhat uncomfortable, selling you that dress and I was a bit angry with myself for not first checking with your parents or something like that. I can't afford to lose this job."

"I said the dress is for my sister. I don't see how you could get in trouble," Lorin said with a tremor in his voice.

"Oh, I forgot you're a crier. Please don't be upset. It's just that I believe in honesty and I don't like pretending that what I'm seeing is something else."

At the mention of his tears, Lorin felt tears coming on.

"Wait a minute. No need to cry. I believe in compassion and kindness also. To tell you the truth you really worried me the other day. You looked so scared and uncomfortable. Actually, my heart went out to you."

Lorin started to cry and the woman said, "you cry like a... well I shouldn't say that. It is very feminine of you. Look, I know I seem nosy, but it's not every day that a boy buys a pretty dress and it's so obvious he can't wait to put it on. Ninety nine percent of the girls I see getting prom dresses just want to look cool and fit in with the other girls. It doesn't matter a whole lot what particular dress they get. Sure they like feeling pretty but they tend not to feel the rapture you were feeling."

Lorin collected his feelings together and took out a tissue and blew his nose. "I didn't think it was so obvious."

"It was. I imagine it's a pretty hard thing for a young boy to hide. You're so outside your normal world. Like even right now. How often do you think I have a young boy in the bra department by himself? And don't tell me that you have to buy bras for your sister. That's so lame you could fly an airplane through it. Between you and me let's just stop all pretense. You're obviously a cross dresser or maybe even a girl wannabe. I don't feel bad about you and I really don't disrespect you. In fact, you're a pretty courageous kid and I respect you for that."

Despite still sobbing a little, Lorin started to smile and then said, "I can't thank you enough. This has been so hard and no one in the whole world knows about this except you."

A woman holding a couple of bras walked over toward the counter and the saleswoman said to Lorin in a louder and less personal voice, "and how can I help you?"

Lorin said, "someone from the store left a phone message at my house saying that a special order had arrived. It's for Penny."

"Penny? OK, let me look." She looked behind the counter and then held up a package. "This says it's for Penny and Lorin Baxter."

"Great, that must be it."

The saleswoman took out three bras from the bag and held them up. "Let's see, we've got one pink and two white padded 34A bras? Is that what you're expecting?"

"I guess so. I don't really know. My mom said it was three of them."

"Bras?"

"Yes."

The woman folded them up, put them back in the bag and rang up the sale. It came to $47.70 and Lorin handed over the money. When giving him change the saleswoman said in a low voice, "I work here Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. If you need to talk, don't be shy."

"Thanks," Lorin said.

"Better yet," she said, and then scribbled something on a Jensen's business card and handed it to him.

When he had gotten to the escalator Lorin looked at the card. On the back she had written a name "Beth" and a phone number. Lorin felt a huge rush of tears and he fought them as best as he could. Outside on the street he put the bag with the bras in his back pack. On the way home he thought to himself, that that was exactly why he knew he wanted to be a girl. Girls were so kind and generous in their feelings and judgments and that's the way he knew he was in his heart also.
 

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Lorin was terribly nervous about attending Penny's party. Not least was the fact that he had no idea what kind of outfit he should wear. He was afraid of being too dorky or too formal. His parents were of no help; they suggested he wear a tie and jacket. Luckily his sister gave him some reasonable advice: go casual, but not too casual, which meant wear a shirt with a collar and his regular jeans.

Lorin's biggest fear was of having no one to talk to at the party. He would look foolish sitting by himself trying to smile and act comfortable: everyone would notice that no one wanted to talk to him. On the other hand, not going was out of the question. He couldn't allow himself to cave into his fears. And more important than anything was the fact that he would see Penny again and maybe have a chance to get to know her a little bit better.

He made sure to arrive at Penny's house 20 minutes after the time the party was to start. Not too late, not too early. It turned out however that he was the first guy to arrive. Penny's mom ushered him downstairs to the party room where he saw that Penny was with Janice, Valerie and Kathy from his class and another girl he didn't know. Penny seemed genuinely happy to see him. She came up to him, smiled and told him to make himself at home. Before he could say anything to her, she was distracted by a group of other guys coming down the stairs. Lorin said hello to Janice and the other girls and then watched as they made their way across the room toward the new arrivals. Lorin found himself alone.

He forced a smile on his face and nervously looked at the decorations: red balloons and red bunting taped on the knotty pine paneling. A few nice sofas ringed the room and there was a built in bar that had bottles of soda on it. There were bowls of potato chips and other treats. Lorin couldn't decide whether to stand or sit. He drifted a bit closer to the other kids and then saw that a guy from his class named Stanley had arrived. He was also not one of the cool kids and Lorin felt a bit relieved that here was someone he could talk to, at least a little bit.

Later Lorin realized that Kenny had obviously not been invited and he felt sorry for him. Probably Penny had no idea they were best friends. Lorin was glad that he had been smart enough not to mention the party to him. A stereo system had been set up in a corner and one of the girls put in a CD of dance music. A few kids started to dance. Lorin watched Penny flitting around the room talking to various kids and wished he had the courage to ask her to dance.

While he was contemplating if he should move next to the food or figure out if any of the other girls at the party might be willing to dance with him, he saw Penny looking his way and then she came over to him and said, "let's dance." Dancing was one thing Lorin felt pretty good about. He had watched many TV shows with girls dancing and he had spent a lot of time imitating their movements.

It was a fast dance and as he and Penny got into the rhythm Lorin found himself relaxing and even feeling a little bit of self confidence. Near the end of the dance he began wondering if Penny would run off to dance with someone else when the song ended or would she stay to talk. Just in case she decided to stay he had better have something to say. The thought made him nervous again and then he wondered why was he making everything so complicated.

When the song ended Penny said, "you're a nice dancer Lorin."

"And you too," Lorin said. "Thanks for inviting me. I've never been..." Lorin stopped in mid sentence. This was not the time to confess he had never been to a party before. "I've always liked dancing."

The first strains of a slow song started up and Lorin thought he should ask her to dance. Someone called out "the lights," and they suddenly dimmed.

"Not too low," Penny yelled, "or my mom will join us." The lights got slightly brighter again. Lorin felt like there was an explosion of blood in his head and he would just burst open. "Dance?" he said in a clipped and unnatural voice. Penny turned immediately toward him and raised her arms as if to hold him. Literally shaking with excitement Lorin held her and they started dancing together. They were a good height match and Lorin could comfortably talk into her ear and she into his.

At first they were quiet and then Penny said, "you're not like the other boys Lorin."

"What do you mean?" Lorin said in alarm.

"Not in a bad way. In a good way. I got to thinking after our date that you were very thoughtful. You listened and you didn't act like I wasn't there half the time."

"Why wouldn't I listen to you? I want to hear what you say. You're very interesting."

"That's something I usually never hear boys say. You're so unusual like that."

Lorin let himself feel the reality of holding Penny. She was wearing blue jeans and a black top that was sort of like a leotard. She had a pink ribbon tied in her hair. His right hand lay across her back and with his finger tips he made out the outline of her bra. He suddenly felt like he was carrying a great burden and he was tired. What did he really want? Penny or being Lauren? The thought of wearing his own pretty dress at the cotillion was something he could not give up. Yet the chance to be in love with Penny, to be able to count on her wanting to be with him and hold him was something he could never just walk away from. Could there be a universe that was big enough to allow him to be both Lauren and to have Penny?

As he basked in the joy of holding Penny he also felt sick and tired of feeling like he was as inarticulate as a block of wood whenever he was near her. Her ear was right near his lips and he decided that at all costs he would talk; he would try and find a way to be himself.

"Your ear is right next to my lips so I'm going to take advantage of this. OK?"

"OK, Penny whispered.

"OK great. Let's see. The first thing I'm going to do is make you laugh within the next five seconds."

Penny laughed.

"That was way too easy," Lorin said.

"Try again," Penny said. "You caught me by surprise."

"OK. This time I'll make you laugh in 3.14159265359 seconds."

Penny shook with laughter.

"You're no challenge," Lorin said.

"Are you always so silly?" Penny said.

"I can be, if you like."

"I like laughing."

"I hope that's a good sign."

"It's a very good sign Lorin. I think also that you're not as shy as you seem."

"You've been seeing my shyness?"

"I've decided I like shy. I think it may be better than cool since it's more sincere."

"Can't I be cool-shy?"

Penny laughed again. "No you don't have my permission."

Lorin laughed. The dance ended and Penny smiled at him and said, "it's easy to dance with you Lorin. I've got to go mingle," and she walked away. Lorin felt a glow inside and made his way slowly to a table with chips, salsa and guacamole. He felt happy and alive and he savored the memory of her warm body in his arms. He felt sure that they would dance together again. He would just have to wait until the time was right. But what if she started staying mainly with some other guy? He did his best to push such thoughts out of his mind.

Perhaps because of his new found status of having danced with Penny, some of the other kids in the party seemed to be more welcoming to Lorin than he expected they would be. Janice in particular seemed to make an effort at being friendlier than she had been on his date with Penny.

A fast song came up and Lorin felt bold enough to ask Janice to dance with him. She accepted and while he danced he saw that Penny was dancing with one of the guys they had met at the park on their date. He didn't know if he should feel jealous or not. It was so hard to figure how Penny could both like guys like that and also himself. In any event, Penny certainly gave no indication that she was jealous of his dancing with Janice.

When the dance ended, to his relief, Lorin saw Penny leave the guy she was with. He saw her head over to a couple of latecomers that were just coming down the stairs to the party room. There was a guy and girl and Lorin saw Penny greet them enthusiastically. The two of them were not from his class at school yet there was something about the girl that seemed familiar. Not only that but Lorin began feeling uneasy for reasons that he couldn't quite pin point. He turned away and had some more dip and then it hit him like a thunderbolt that the girl was the very same one who he had met in the bra department at Jenkins a few weeks earlier. They had talked briefly. There was no doubt that Lorin would have to leave the party before she saw him. He scouted around for a way out but it was clear that the only way was up the stairs next to where Penny and the girl were talking.

He observed the situation and decided that if Penny and her friends walked to the right he would sneak around to the left to get to the stairs, or vice versa. While his sudden departure would be weird it would not be anywhere as embarrassing as if the girl told Penny and everyone else about his interest in padded bras. Poised ready to react, Lorin was surprised to see Penny glance around the room, see Lorin and then lead the couple directly toward him. Penny gave him a slight wave and Lorin was nailed to his spot unable to think of anything to do short of running out of the room at full speed.

"Lorin, I want you to meet one of my best friends. This is Cindy and her friend Greg."

Cindy looked at Lorin, smiled and said hello. Greg stuck out his hand and Lorin shook it.

"You look awfully familiar," Cindy said.

"I think a lot of people look like me," Lorin said.

Penny laughed and said, "I don't think so. Cindy used to live near me but she moved to the other side of town. She goes to Bryant and so does Greg."

"Neat," Lorin said.

"I like the kids here better," Cindy said, "they're a bit snobby over there. It took me a long time to make friends."

"Actually Cindy was the snob," Greg said jokingly and Cindy turned around and feigned hitting him.

The truth was that the homes were much bigger on the other side of town and Cindy's parents no doubt moved there when they started making more money. Lorin could see Cindy staring at him and scrunching up her face in thought. Then suddenly he saw her eyes widen and then become slits as she seemed to think of something funny. She shook her head ever so slightly and Lorin knew without any doubt that she had placed him. He was the bra buying boy and his goose was now cooked. He prayed she'd say nothing here at the party; after all she had been very nice at the store.

"I just remembered where I met Lorin," Cindy said. "It was downtown in one of the stores. Jenkins? You were buying something for your sister."

"Oh, yeah," Lorin said as if he was about to get a bad case of indigestion.

"I was with my parents. We were shopping for all kinds of stuff. I got some new, oh, I better not say in the present company."

"Some girly stuff?" Greg said. "She's always buying girly stuff. Her parents really spoil her!"

"So when are you going to spoil me?" Cindy said.

"When I'm rich I'll buy everything except all your girly junk."

Penny said, "you two never quit. But Greg what's wrong with girls buying girly stuff. You boys buy boysy stuff."

"Not truckloads," Greg said.

Lorin saw Cindy eying him. His fate rested in her hands. He could practically imagine her saying something like, "Lorin buys girly stuff. He was buying bras for his sister; only the saleslady didn't believe that. None of us did." Only it never happened and Lorin breathed a sigh of relief when Cindy and Greg went off to dance together and then Lorin was able to dance with Penny. It was another slow dance and Penny said to him, "you're shaking a little, trembling. Are you cold?"

"Am I?" Lorin said and then heard himself say "it's probably from holding you. It's so nice."

Penny rested her head on his shoulder and Lorin inhaled the scent of her hair and girlish aroma. It was hard to believe that this was his life and not a dream. Lorin attempted to record every aspect of what it felt like to be holding Penny, so he would never forget it.

He wondered what the consequences would be of this evening. Could he count on dating her, and if so how often? Would he now eat with her at school, talk to her before and after class? How would he explain it to Kenny? What would Kenny do during lunch if Lorin was eating with Penny? Should he invite Kenny over?

When the dance was over Penny mingled again and Lorin tried to circulate also. Though he purposefully tried to keep to the opposite side of the room from Cindy, nonetheless he found himself alone with her in front of the food table. Cindy said her heels were killing her and she invited Lorin to sit down and talk to her.

Though he tried to hide it, Lorin knew that his nervousness was showing and Cindy was perceptive enough to pick up on it.

Lorin said, "nice party."

"Yeah it's pretty cool. Penny has so many friends."

"Did your sister get her bras?" Cindy said with a trace of laughter.

"Oh, yeah, the bras. Yeah we got the phone call and she went and got them."

"I think it was very brave of you to go buy bras."

"Yeah, I guess I looked pretty foolish."

Cindy laughed, "my dad said that he was sure that you were buying them for yourself and my mom said she agreed with him."

Lorin twisted uncomfortably in his seat. Before he could think of some sort of denial Cindy asked him, "you weren't were you?"

Lorin said, "of course not. I guess it really did look like that. Look, I feel real embarrassed and I really need to thank you for not telling everyone about it."

"I know that Greg would probably roast you over that. He's a nice guy but he's not as self-assured as you."

"What do you mean, I think I'm the exact opposite."

"No, he and most guys are really worried about their masculinity so they'd never be caught dead buying bras. You're obviously comfortable enough with it that you did it. I think it makes you more mature than most guys."

"But most guys would just say I was acting like a girl or something."

"They say it, but it's not necessarily true. Masculinity is such a nuisance."

"But don't girls like masculinity?"

"Up to a point. Well some girls have a kind a thing for it, but most girls like it in moderation, cause it means that you're different from us, but we don't like it so much that you're insensitive. The stupidest thing is boys feeling like they've got to beat up everyone and everything in sight instead of using their brains and thinking. You know what I mean?"

Lorin looked across the room and saw Penny dancing a slow dance with Greg. Cindy looked where Lorin was looking and smiled. "I bet Greg has a thing for Penny. She's so gorgeous."

"I hope not!"

"It's OK Lorin. Boys are boys. He can like her without cheating on me. Just like you can like me without cheating on Penny."

"Cheating on Penny? I didn't know that..."

"She likes you a lot. She told me that just before she introduced us. It's one reason I didn't say anything about the bras. I like you both and it's just between you and me."

"That's really nice of you. Actually I really liked you in the store. You're so easy to talk to. I'm glad I've met you."

"I feel the same way."

The dance was over and Penny and Greg came over. Penny sat down very close to Lorin, looked at him and smiled.

"Oh man, guacamole," Greg said, "I love that stuff."

"My mom made it," Penny said.

They chatted on for awhile. Lorin felt in a dreamy mood. He had so much to think about, but he'd do it some other time. For right now he was going to bask in the glorious promise of his new relationship with Penny.

By eleven o'clock some of the kids started to leave and someone turned down the lights lower. Lorin sat next to Penny and surveying the room Lorin saw that everyone was coupled off. The music was now only slow songs. A few couples danced and most others sat in the chairs and sofas. In the dim light Lorin was sure he could see some couples kissing.

After debating the wisdom of doing it for what seemed like a half hour, Lorin finally put his arm around Penny and she immediately rested her head against his and gently laid her hand on his knee. Lorin's heart thumped and pounded heavily in his chest. Nearby Lorin saw Greg kiss Cindy and then saw what looked to be Greg's hand resting over her breast. Lorin wondered if it were the pink 34NA bra that Cindy was wearing and that Greg would be touching if he slipped his hand in her blouse.

He supposed that Penny was expecting him to kiss her. He had never kissed a girl. Well he had never put his arm around a girl either for that matter. He couldn't go through another half hour debate on this point. He would just have to do it and hope for the best.

He moved his head around and looked into Penny's eyes. She looked into his. There was such an extreme intimacy between them that he knew that she wanted a kiss and he slowly moved his lips forward until they touched hers. She shifted her hand and put it on the back of his neck and they began kissing in earnest. The rest of the evening was a blur. That such happiness in life was possible was something Lorin had never before expected.

While he was at the party he didn't let himself think about his summer at Camp Shoni since every time it started to drift into his thoughts he felt a slight dread. It was the same sort of feeling he had had after stealing Penny's bra. He had been unable to stop himself from taking the bra and the lack of control unnerved himself. What about now? Would his desire to be Lauren eventually cause himself to hurt Penny? Would he have any control over that? It was just not a good time to worry about those kind of things.

At midnight Cindy and Greg left and the party broke up. Lorin was the last to leave. Penny's mom had come down to say goodbye and she said to Lorin, "I'm so glad you were able to come."

"Thank you, I had a marvelous time."

Penny escorted him outside and they waited a few minutes until Lorin's dad came in the car to pick him up. Feeling self-conscious in front of his dad, Lorin only shook Penny's hand instead of kissing her goodbye.

On the way home his dad said, "well how did it go?"

"I think Penny likes me."

"That's great," his dad said enthusiastically.

They rode on in silence and Lorin said, "how do you know if you love some one or not?" In the dark his dad fought against the impulse to break out into laughter. It was one of those moments where he felt a great stab of love for his son.

Carefully he said, "for me it's when you think of something that they do and you smile with the memory."

It was not the answer Lorin was expecting but then his father added, "of course there is infatuation which probably does seem like love and in a way it is. But infatuation is something that can go as fast as it comes. Love is a different story. When you're in love, truly in love it would generally take a very long time to fall out of love."

"Thanks dad. I think I must be in the infatuation stage. But how long until it could turn into the love stage?"

"Well I doubt if the love stage could even start until you know Penny at a very deep level. It certainly can't happen until you learn about all her good points and her bad ones."

"She has to know about my bad points?"

"If you want her to love the real you. Having her love an artificial you would be kind of unsatisfying I think. Don't you think so?"

"Yeah, you're probably right about that."

"I think you're starting to grow up pretty fast now," his dad said.

"I guess so. I guess so," Lorin said, and wondered to himself if his plan to go to Camp Shoni as Lauren was one of his "bad" points that he ought to tell Penny about. Well of course he could never do that, so she would never get to know the real Lorin.
 

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That night until a very late hour Lorin lay in bed thinking. He undoubtedly had an infatuation for Penny. He felt like he wanted to say he loved her, but what his dad said make a lot of sense. Perhaps the weirdest thing about he and Penny was that if this night had only happened before the camp letter had come in January, then he never would have put into action his plan about Camp Shoni. No, definitely not. Yes, his love for the pretty dress was real and so was his desire to be a girl and wear it, but to actually have Penny as his girl friend, to be able to hang out with her and kiss her and get to know everything there is to know about her had to be better, hadn't it?

This sounded all well and good, but there was a truth deep down in there somewhere that if he had to give up his dress for Penny he would feel a huge emptiness inside. He had to also be Lauren. Really, the only solution for him would be to be both Lauren and to have Penny as his girl friend. It was a crazy mixed up idea. He couldn't imagine Penny not being grossed out by seeing him as Lauren.

But then he remembered his conversations with Cindy. She probably already sort of guessed that he wanted to wear bras and it didn't seem to bother her. He also didn't see how she could like a guy like Greg though he wasn't so bad as far as guys go. Maybe if Cindy wasn't friends with Penny, and if Penny and he had not become sort of infatuated with each other then maybe he and Cindy might have become boy and girl friend, and with her who knows? Maybe she would not be bothered with him being Lauren.

These were all very difficult questions and he would find out answers sometime in the future, if he were lucky. For right now, however, he did love Penny in his infatuated way and he couldn't wait to see her again and find out for sure that she felt the same way about him.
 

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The next night there was a phone call for Lorin. When his mom handed him the phone she said, "it's a girl named Joan who says she's from Camp Shoni. Camp Shoni?"

Lorin put his palm over the receiver and thanked his mom and then waited until she walked away. When it seemed like the coast was clear Lorin said "hello" in his Lauren voice.

"Hi Lauren! I'm so excited about camp this summer I've been calling all the bunnies in our cabin!"

"Me too Joan. I can't wait to get to camp!"

It turned out that it was easy to be Lauren. Joan made it simple since she talked and talked so that Lorin didn't have to worry about what to say. At the end of their conversation Joan suggested that the girls in their cabin correspond by instant messenger instead of calling and that that way everyone would be included. Lorin agreed and so he felt relieved that he would only have to explain this one phone call to his mom.

When he got off the phone he went back to his room. A few minutes later his mom knocked on his door and asked him who Joan was. "Oh, she's Owen's sister. He put her up to calling me as a tease. He got on the phone right after her. He's just as angry as I am that we can't be in the upper camp."

"I didn't remember Owen having a sister."

"I thought he said sister. Maybe it was a girlfriend of his."

Lorin wasn't so sure his mother bought his explanation but she said, "I see" and left the room.

Later that night when Lorin went downstairs to get some ice cream, he happened to overhear his mom and dad talking in the living room. He heard his mom say, "I can't quite put my finger on it but there seems to be a lot of sort of weird stuff going on around here. Don't you think?"

"You know, I was sort of thinking the same thing myself."

"Isn't it true? Like the burglary at Ms. McGonagle's, the phone call from Jensen's. One day after school I accidentally walked in on Lorin naked."

Lorin heard his dad laugh.

His mom continued, "don't laugh. He said he had spilled milk on his clothes but I never saw it later in the laundry. There is also the mistake on the camp bill and his grades tumbled. And now tonight there's a girl from Camp Shoni calling him."

"There was?"

"Well Lorin says it was really Owen. Look, I'm not saying that there's something happening here, and if there is I haven't any idea what it could be, but it's just like a bunch of weird things are all happening at once and they all sort of revolve around Lorin. Like I think that's the only common thing linking them."

"Lorin was the burglar?"

"No, but he had been helping Ms. McGonagle earlier that night."

"Maybe we should make a point of being more observant and see if there is something we need to know about. My guess is that these are just random coincidences. The main thing going on in his life right now is that not only does he have an infatuation for Penny but lo and behold she is reciprocating it. It's like a whole new world for Lorin and I imagine he'll be more than a little crazy until he gets used to it."

"I'm so happy for him," his mom said.

Lorin tip-toed back up the stairs and then came loudly running down them to the kitchen to get his ice cream. To put a positive spin on what he had overheard, Lorin figured that it was a good thing that he knew what his parents were thinking. It would help him keep one step ahead of them in the next month or so until camp started. On the other hand, it proved that he had good cause to be terrified that something might go wrong and cause his whole world to come crashing down upon his head.
 
 

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End Part II
 
 
To Be Continued...
 

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Thank you for reading my story! ~Pamela

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Comments

Not long in real life

WillowD's picture

Not long in real life. But since this is a story named "Camp Shoni" I'm guessing the secret will hold long enough. Well, at least to get there. I'm hoping the secret doesn't come out this summer. And that he does tell Penny and Cindy.

Eek! More close calls.

Hypatia Littlewings's picture

But still squeaking by so far.

I hope it doesn't all come crashing down before she even has a chance to try being herself.

Girls were so kind and generous ...

And boys were always so mean ...

When he had gotten to the escalator Lorin looked at the card. On the back she had written a name "Beth" and a phone number. Lorin felt a huge rush of tears and he fought them as best as he could. Outside on the street he put the bag with the bras in his back pack. On the way home he thought to himself, that that was exactly why he knew he wanted to be a girl. Girls were so kind and generous in their feelings and judgments and that's the way he knew he was in his heart also.

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. (Boys are strong, but tend to behave like assholes. Girls are really nice, but tend to be so very gullible. Where do you think Blonde Jokes come from?)

Did you hear the one about Elsie the Cow and Ferdinand the Bull?

Elsie gives Ferdinand a wink.

Ferdinand jumps the fence.

Elsie says 'Say, aren't you Ferdiand the Bull?'

Ferdinand says 'Just call me Ferdinad. That fence was higher than I thought.'

I wonder what the world would be like if we were all the same gender, and when we made love it was a toss up as to which of us got pregnant?

T

Oh yeah

On the way home he thought to himself, that that was exactly why he knew he wanted to be a girl. Girls were so kind and generous in their feelings and judgments and that's the way he knew he was in his heart also.

He is so gonna bleed over that, when he finds out - assuming pamelapamela isn't also snorting the pink smoke herself (that's a metaphor there). Which I'm sincerely hoping she isn't.

*turns the fiery Eye Of Parental Inquiry upon pamelapamela*

Ellen, 22nd level Necromancer of Threads

Love it so far.

Like so many of the great stories on BCTS, this story drags me in with the characters and the humour, and then leaves me with a cliff hanger and a nervous wait till the next exciting episode. You've set Lorin up in an impossible yet loveable situation, and I can't possibly see how he's going to get out of the mess he's got himself into. I can only imagine us readers cheering him on, yet holding our breath at each step.

Thanks for the story so far, I think it's great, and I'm looking forward to reading more.

Cheers, Kiwi.

Sweet and curiously balanced

Most of the stories I read here are rather, um, focused. Lorin seems rather tenuously poised (and wobbling) between one thing and another, and not at all sure what he wants. Which is an excellent depiction of a teenager. Impulsivity, idiocy, shyness and horror, what-do-I-do-NOW, that tongue-tied teen thing... very very good. A little uncomfortable to read because it reminds me too much of the stupid things I did (and didn't do and said and didn't say) when I was fourteen - which is exactly what a story-about-a-teenager should be.

Excellent.

Now I have to figure out how to put this into the Favorites section...

Ellen, 22nd level Necromancer of Threads

tax on clothes?

In my state of Minnesota, clothes is not taxed. I don't understand why other places tax clothes.


By the way, I think Lauren needs to come out.
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Taxes are pushed on us by politicians. (Pardon my French.) The doing of evil is not free ... how else can they afford it?

And there is the added irony of forcing us to pay them for screwing us.

***

The necessities of life (food, clothing, shelter and transportation) are almost always taxed. I don't understand why Minnesota does *not* tax clothing. (If this ever gets out, someone is going to lose their job.)

T

does 2+2=5

does 2+2=4. What about Beth, She knows and seems willing to help Lauren. What about Penny and Cindy? Will her parents put realize that it is not the infatuation with Penny.