Absinthe, Opium & Honor…Chapters 41 & 42.

*Emily…………

I get inside the house and close the door my pulse hammering in my ears and through the rest of me. I’m hot…and jeez…I ache, I’ve never been so wet before in my life. I see the girls have been waiting up but right now… right now I need.

“I..I’ll be down in a bit I need to get changed.”

I make my way to my room and get in and close the door and lean on the wall.

My shirt comes off and I shimmy out of my pants and let it all pool to the floor as I shrug out of my bra.

Oh fuck that feeling as I’m braless mixed with the ache they have from Jamey’s hands. I have big breasts and I have big sensitive breasts and Jamie left me aching. God she did the right thing. I mean we don’t know each other well enough but making out…her being that guy forward and yet so completely unlike a guy…any guy.

Not that I’ve ever known that…the three guys that had sort of talked to me in high school…two were pigs and one was playing a joke on the fat girl.

But Jamie, Jamie was mannerly, sweet, honest, kind, and passionate and I can’t get the feeling of her hard on pressed into my thigh held back by sexy cute jeans and some very likely hot panties.

Oh I can still smell her perfume too and it’s so good, so not the cheap shit either.

Her cock.

I slip my fingers into my soaked slit and start to feel and probe and rub…her cock…Jamie…me…perfume…her mouth on my breasts. My hips pump and flex wanting more of my fingers.

Oh…oh fuck I’m biting my lip, I haven’t been this hot in months…no…ever because this was someone real…a real life person instead of some wet dream fantasy.

“Emily are you okay?”

Molly, the girl on the other side of my wall comes in.

Oh shit I didn’t lock my door.

“I….” Well what can you say with you’re hand shoved in your vagina flushed and nearly there.

Molly closes my door and locks it. “Oh fuck good date? Can I watch?”

“Molly!”

She blushes really red and she’s really a cute girl, skinny in that naturally skinny way and sandy brown hair and glasses. She’s wearing a tee-shirt and her university sweats. She’d be actually considered hot but she has a sort of almond leaf shaped birthmark on the right side of her face, not huge but about a centimeter wide and two long…more than enough to have her get slammed for it in high school and avoided here too.

She bites her lip and she looks me over lingeringly then into my eyes. “Can I join you?”

“Join me?” I’m flustered as hell and I was sort of getting out of the zone but when she said that my horny brain went Oh…tell me more…I feel my clit stiffen at the thoughts and my nipples get hard.

Oh fuck is this the college lesbian experience that you read about all the time?

I nod…shit what am I doing but I nod and rub myself in front of her slowly.

Molly comes over and moves my hand from my breasts and she smiles. “God Emmy you have the best tit’s I’ve ever seen.”

“Really?” Yeah I’m stacked but I’m fat too.

“Really.”

Molly takes both her little hands and she cups or tries to and feels my breasts and she suckles on them…it’s the first hot wet mouth that has ever touched me there and the burst of sensations floods me and I shove my hand harder and deeper into my pussy.

I cum with someone, in front of someone for the first time in my life. She squeezes my boobs as I’m cumming and suckles hungrily, greedily and It makes me cum harder…my knees are getting weak and I’d have slid down my wall if Molly hadn’t guided me over to my bed and we fall into it.

I’m panting and staring at her and she’s staring at me and straddling me. God she really does weigh next to nothing.

Molly reaches up and pulls her tee shirt off and she’s not wearing a bra and…and I don’t know I’ve been in changing rooms lots but Molly straddling me with her small pert breasts is so erotic.

“Fuck Molly you’re hot.”

“I am?” She looks honestly surprised and oh boy do I so know that feeling.

“Yeah…” I don’t really know what to say since I’m so new to this but I sit up and take a nipple in my mouth and cup her other boob and squeeze it gently but firmly in my other hand and she gasps…moans…squirms.

Oh…Oh I did that?

I come up from her breast and I kiss her hungrily and she kisses me back and our chests are pressed together and holy…breasts touching breasts….soft skin, the way she smells…fuck when did hot wet girl smell so good?

Molly’s hand sinks down into my pussy and my breath catches in my throat.

“Oh…uh…M..Molly…” I exhales and sigh her name as I end up lightly biting her shoulder. “F..ff..fuck..”

I’m the only one who’s ever touched my pussy and the feeling of someone else…and Molly’s slender fucking me fingers…I hunch into her and hang on and I can’t help but ride my pussy onto her sweet hand.

“You like Emmy…”

“Y..yeah…fuck Moll it’s good, so fucking good…fuck me Molly…fuck me…”

I’ve always wondered in a just sort of curious way how two girls fucked but trust me Molly’s fucking me…

I can feel her shift her hand so I’m impaled the full length of my slit by her middle three fingers…it’s not deep by she’s hitting my clitty hard and every time it dragging over all the contours of her fingers as they stretch me and fill me wide.

Her arm and wrist moves with my hips and I cry out as she fucks me hard into another cum.

“Molly…Molly…Molly…”

“Fuck Emmy, God you’re hot, I wanted to do this since the first night after you moved in and seen you in that tight fucking nightshirt….”

I respond by kissing her hard for a few minutes. “You…you should’ve said…”

“I’m…I’m not pretty enough for you Emmy…”

(Gasp.) “Bullshit, that’d be me.”

“No, no you’re real and big and warm and so fucking sexy.”

“Sexy fucking skinny waif…” I can’t stand it I send my hand down her sweats and under her panties.

She’s so damned wet.

And tight…I’ve never done this before but my fingers know where to dance. How to touch…I find her clitty and Molly shivers and moans. “Emmy..oh fuck…Emmy I..I didn’t know…I didn’t know it’d be like this.”

“What…”

“I’m not out…you’re my first…”

“Shit…me too…”

We look at each other and smile and giggle then kiss passionately…deeply falling over to my bed and keep kissing and sucking on our breasts and fucking each other.

I’m not gay, lesbian I know I still like men but now, now I have no idea what gay haters are so afraid of…what freaked me out when I was in high school and seen lesbian porn in my dad’s den…girl on girl.

I get it now.

And the smell of sex but not just sex but the way Molly’s skin smells as she cums. The sounds she makes, the way that she moves. It’s beautiful , it’s more than beautiful and she makes me cum again and again until we’re done and sweat soaked and panting and we snuggle close and naked.

“Molly?”

“Y’hmm.”

“Why me?”

“I told you I was so crushing on you since I’ve seen you.”

“Me?”

“Yeah, I think you’re sexy Emily.”

“Me?”

“Yeah why not you?”

“I’m fat?”

“I don’t care, you’re healthy, you’re not a stick like me…you have these amazing curves and I love your smile.”

I nuzzle into her face. “Thank you, just…I’ve never seen myself that way.”

Molly turns her face away. “Em…don’t…”

“What?”

“It’s…you don’t have to…I’m no prize.”

“Molly, you’re fucking beautiful.”

“No, no I’m not.”

“Yes you are, that doesn’t matter to me. I like it actually.”

“Like the blotch?”

“Yeah, it looks like a leaf.”

“A leaf?”

“Yes like on a birch tree or something.”

“It does?” She turns her head to look at me and I reach up and touch it.

“Yes, it’s kinda like an elf mark.”

“Elf mark?”

“Uh-huh you know what elves are right?”

“Yeah c’mon you know this is Hermione House right?”

It’s kind of called that because we’re like the odd women out house with all these geekette girls. It’s been that way for awhile I guess safety in numbers and out here at UBC there is a whole student body of student lovelies.

“Well then you have an elfin birthmark, that’s why you’re so lithe and sleek and sexy.”

“Emmy…”

We’re kissing again and then there’s a knock at my door.

“Uhm Hello?”

“Emily, there’s pizza here for you!” One of the girls calls out.

“Pizza?” I’m looking at Molly and she shrugs. “Wasn’t me but I could eat.”

I blush and she gets it and giggles and blushes too.

“I’ll be down in a few minutes.”

I kiss Molly again. “So now what?”

“I…I’m not out Emmy…I’m not sure I’m ready…”

“It’s okay…I get that, I do heck I’m not sure of what I’m going to do either but I’m glad you were my first.”

“You’re my first too…”

“You’re my first anything Moll.”

“Same here.”

We kiss again and I grab my robe and open my window and light a stick of sandalwood incense and give the room a blast of my can of Secret in the air and I head out to the hall bathroom and get a shower.

What the fuck happened tonight?

Honestly I don’t mind but A date, then lesbian sex with a really sweet sexy amazing girl…and I’m still just flooded with this amazing hormonal flood of afterglow and a good night…a good date and having real proof that I’m not the girl I thought that I was but I’m actually okay being the woman that I am.

God a little bit of self worth feels amazing.

I get out and dried and changed into a sexy pair of panties and a night shirt…one of my dad’s actually an old black big Harley shirt that comes to my knees. I head down meeting Molly in the hall who’s also freshly showered and still just kind of glowing and flushed in a good way.

We smile at each other and It’s…

We both have someone know we can smile like that about.

That’s so cool.

We go into the main TV room where the pizzas are at and the largest room of the house and the girls are there hanging out and lounging most of the ones that were hanging around when Jamie picked me up and they’re looking like they want details.

I grin from ear to ear. “You want me to dish right?”

There’s some nods but some blushes and smiles. Molly grabs a seat. “Heck yeah we don’t have lives y’know.”

“Okay, okay…” I go to the pizza boxes. “Who paid?”

Rachel says. “Already paid for the guy said.”

I move one of the boxes and see the note scrawled on the lid of one of the boxes.

“They’re from Jamie, for all of us to eat while we talk…”

I bite at my lip…okay that’s just…

There’s a couple of sighs.

I nod. “Yeah, sigh the entire date was so like that…”

We gather together and I sit and we all start eating and I start telling them about my date but I start at the whole scene at the food hall.

*Jamie…………

I had such a good night and honestly I was kind of having the nicest yet oddest of moments. I’m a girl, I’m not a standard girl but I’m a girl but tonight out on a really great date with Emily I felt closer to my dad than I felt since.

So nice and it’d been so long too.

I make a snack with some blue berries in a pot with some butter and a little brow sugar and a few torn up bits of basil and a shot of brandy and let it simmer while I make myself a few drinks of absinthe and run my hot bubble bath while listening to Nora Jones cranked loud on my stereo.

Such a good buzz going and I turn off my compote and soak and drink and sing while I full on spa night pamper myself.

My hair conditioning and my face in a mud mask and bubbles all around me and I swear I feel my soul settle.

I stay in until the water’s cold and I get a bit of a chill going before I unplug the tub and rinse off with the shower and I’m not cold enough to get sick but just right to get all snuggly with my bed.

I get my laptop and my compote and some bread and butter and unsweetened Greek yogurt which kind of makes it like a kind of good for you cheating cheesecake. I’m going over my e-mails and stuff when I see this pop up.

[Message to Jamie.

My boss told me that your brief stay with us at the unit has put you on the road to full recovery. I have been taking some mental health days off so I have not been at work to know this. I did not know I needed to reboot my life onto a more harmonious path than when we met and my very nice boss told me to go live my life for a while.
So having some time available I want to say thank you for your selfless boost in that direction. People have the bad habit in not saying thank you enough to the people around them that affect there lives for the better. You were that zen pebble in my pond that has rippled out touching so much of my life.
In my time off I have started to pursue my secret passion of singing and from a chance encounter at a Karaoke contest I met a wonderful women who owns a small studio where she has generously offered to help me to develop my voice. We sung against each other then with each other and a great time was had by all some one even put our performance up on You Tube under the Unexpected Divas Concert. For some reason I can’t fathom I won that night and that has set off a chain of events that is pushing me out of the ditch I was living in and onto a path of growing again.
There is so much to tell that I can’t write it all down. If it is not to presumptuous of me to ask if we could meet for coffee maybe at your collage coffee shop so I can share them with you No strings attached. I was hoping that this was good neutral ground in a public place where we can just chill and get to know one another.
Huggles
Michele
Wolf mama 0104 @ Icelander.com]

I smile at the e-mail letter and after that time that we spent together that one night in the hospital it just seems so Michelle. An e-mail that’s literally like a letter.

Y’know I can see her trying to say all of that in that semi-shy sweet way about her with her getting out what she was trying to say in this ramble.

She was really sweet that way.

I start typing to respond.

[Hi Michelle.

It’s Jamie and I just got your wonderfully sweet e-mail. I’m blushing right now with all those nice things that you’ve said in your letter/e-mail. Honestly you helped me too being with a nice and caring and sweet person like you got my head away from all the trauma and the pain of being flight tested.

I ca actually see you being a good singer you know, though I don’t know what you like I can see you very much like s sort of Stevie Nicks singer and a definite on the Fleetwood Mac thing.

We should meet, get together okay? We can do lunch or go for coffee or something?

You like Sushi? I know a few places.

Write me okay? I should go I’ve got some blueberry compote dripped onto my boobs from my midnight snack. You ever notice that the better something tastes the more you end up wearing?

Great Big Hugs.
Jamie Blake.]

I don’t put my e-mail addy on there since she’s already got it and I smile and use my finger to clean up my gloppy bit of blueberry and switch over to Facebook for awhile.

I get several pretty quick responses from Michelle back.

[Message to Jamie 2
Thank You for that closing visual, it livens up my week every time I think about it. Let us start with coffee then move on to what ever temptations our tummy's after. I would really love to spend some relaxing time with you no pressures may be on a week end. We will pick where you can pick when.
chow for now he he he.
Michele]

Okay the way she wrote out the little laugh was cute. I respond back writing.

[Have you been to campus? We have a great little spot here and we can get coffee or tea and we can walk around and I'll show you around then we can go for a bite to eat. And my weekends are usually free so maybe next weekend?
LOL definitely chowing now :)
Big Hugs
Jamie.]

[Message to Jamie 3
Yes I know the campus reasonably well. We use your facilities for out disaster preparedness drills
The last time we did this one of the Student wanted to propose to her boyfriend but then sneaked in as a mummified victim. He was an EMT our hospital and super brave, but he screamed like a little girl when she garbed his hand and proposed from the gurney.
Let's say noon-ish at the coffee shop next Saturday. Do you like to shop thrift stores I need to upgrade my wardrobe.
PS
I love Fleetwood Mac Stevie Nicks and Christine McVie are fantastic writers and performers. There music has a sense of inner soulfulness and truth in there works.
Huggles
Michele]

Actually that sounds like it would have been fun. I wonder if they’re doing another one this year. Playing with fake blood or getting done up like one of the wounded would be kind of fun. Well now we have plans made so I send back to her one more e-mail.

[LOL you didn't know this but I run a re-used and re-made clothing shop. That sounds like a plan for sure since I'm always looking for new things for my store. Hey if you have a turn-table we can look for some vinyl while we're shopping.
Huggles back see you Saturday!
Jamie.]

I smile as I look at the messages back and forth between us. I like Michele (I thought it was 2 L‘s but only one it seems.)… she comes across as herself even in her e-mails. And I like how she sort of makes them very much like getting a letter. It’s nice getting to actually know some stuff about her from her.

Other than she was a sweet loving girl that was able to be with me despite things and get my head out of that whole place I was in.

No…seriously she took a work risk being with me and she was shy and careful and got me on those first few steps out of that dark post assault place in my head.

When you’re hurting and in a hospital bed and you wake yourself up by repeating the sound of your own bones breaking…that really sucks and messes with your head.

I definitely want to get to know her better and be friends or better friends at least because we really just didn’t hook up in the hospital. She did her job but in a much more holistic way…she was Michele and the first thing I’ll ever think of her as will be kind.

And it’s kind of nice to have some plans for this coming weekend. Heck even if Jax lands ashore he can take the time to crash here while I’m out since I can’t see him getting a whole lot of good sleep on a boat in deep water.

Then again, I’m from central Ontario I’ve barely ever been out on a little hobby boat before.

I log off with a long relaxed sigh then head to bed.

I really should ride my bike more before winter sets in. Okay it’ll be a Vancouver winter but still.

And it would be nice to actually go out on the water here too there’s so much sailing and boating around here.

Mostly though I’m thinking it might be nice to have someone here right now in bed with me tonight. Ian, Jax…or maybe something softer and curvy and sweet?

Hmmm…tomorrow will be Sunday, no classes and nothing else to really do I might just relax

Chapter 42

*Alex…………

I’m still a little nervous being out with Penny and Tara but it’s actually really very liberating too. If I don’t “Pass” people aren’t saying it and I get the occasional stare but that’s more from other girls than it is from the guys.

Friends are a good camouflage

I’m not just totally goofing off with them but looking for help wanted signs too while we’re just well goofing off.

Once I’m out, I’ll be out and sooner or later that’s going to hit home and then the shit will hit the fan and I am pretty sure that what help I am getting from my folks and likely the odd cheque or two from my relatives for like the holidays will vanish.

I’m going to need a job and hopefully something that can fit into my classes, even though my classes might change…hell if things go bad with the team then I might just lose my scholarship too.

It’s not fair if the fact I’m going to transition will put some of the other players off and they won’t want me on the team. It’s not right that they might feel that way and it’d suck but at the same time. It’ll affect the team if they’re forced to have me playing when I’m not wanted really.

Alright I’m seriously going to need to step up my practicing and training by myself and stuff to see if I can get better. I mean if I can get better then I might have a better shot at proving to the guys that I’m good enough.

Though…I wonder if post op transwomen are allowed to play like for the Canadian national women’s team?

Wouldn’t that be something.

Yes I’m actually considering full transition unlike Jamie and Sasha. Don’t get me wrong I don’t crave it or hate my guy bit though it’s kind of embarrassing to me a little. But watching Tara and penny and seeing the way that they move and the way that they are…just are and the way that their clothes hug their bodies especially there has me wondering if really that’s not the way that I should be going?

I mean I’m living like that now or I’m starting to and there is the sexual aspect of it.

No not this whole kinky I want a pussy so I can have all the cock that I supposedly want. Well I do like that but it’s entirely unrelated to the other reasons that I might want to do this.

I am very sure that I am a girl at heart now that I’m doing this. I mean I guess little stuff like sort of those what if thoughts were there pretty much always and I honestly thought that most people actually wondered about being in some other genders shoes.

I never thought that I was gay and I think, I think I still kind of like girls too but it’s the Jeff thing.

Ow…it still hurts and sucks that we’re quits and that he thought that we’d be better off this way. Well we are or rather I am because if that was the way that he felt even if we went together on the sly I’d just be a booty call.

And while I like sex, really like sex.

Those sorts of few moments when we weren’t fucking and were still alone together were very good. I think I liked actually being a girl friend.

And maybe being post op might be easier to be and get into a relationship?

But maybe not either?

Why maybe not?

I like what I get to do with that part of me with Jamie and Sasha…and then there’s other girls too.

Not Penny or Tara. I mean I could do that and look at them that way but honestly I don’t want to. I’m not saying that I’d say no if they offered but I’m really enjoying having female friends.

It’s very different as much as it’s so much like being out with the guys.

Okay with Penny a lot like.

She is a dyed in the wool gamer geek and she gets into this mind boggling conversation with this clerk at the video store as we’re looking at movies that has me left in the dust and while I’ve sort of been the jock in high school I’m still a bit of a geek too.

I play WoW.

She sooo leaves me in the dust.

I’m looking at Tara and she giggles. “She’s been like that as long as I’ve known her.”

“You knew her before this?’

“Nope, just since we ended up being roommates but Penny’s never really gone out of that girl geek thing.”

“There’s a lot of guys that like that these days.”

“I’ve never really seen her be all that social either or date at all.”

“Really?”

“Yeah she has like all of these weird test questions that guys have to answer right before she says that she’ll go out with them.”

“Okay…like what?”

“What’s the sexiest guy in Nintendo…I so don’t get that.”

“Me neither I never owned one.”

Tara’s passing me movie cases and a lot of them are chick flicks and honestly I’ve never really watched them before. I wasn’t really like the way that I am now when I was watching stuff and I’m trying to look at them with new eyes.

I’m trying to see the appeal and the sexiness of some of the male leads. I’m looking at The Notebook and remembering the girls home raving about in and how the guy from Breaker high is supposed to be all sexy and stuff and I’m just not getting it.

Penny’s there looking over my shoulder and she’s frowning. “Ewww Ryan Gosling.”

“You don’t think he’s cute?”

“Young Hercules, nope not at all.”

“Ick okay I was thinking Breaker high but yeah not for me?”

She’s really critical of a lot of the movies that we look at and Tara’s just as bad about the sci-fi stuff because it’s not romantic and it’s all just too…geeky.

I grab a few oldies. Practical majik, Say Anything and Clerks.

Tara’s looking at Clerks. “I’ve never seen this before….and it’s like seriously old like the one with that guy from the movie with Catherine Zeta Jones and Julia Roberts.”

“Clerks is awesome it’s a Kevin Smith movie.”

“A who?”

Penny rolls her eyes. “Tara it’s required watching like The Princess Bride.”

She blinks. “I’ve never see that one either.”

Okay I actually face palm with that one.

And Penny wisecracks. “Inconceivable.”

We’re both actually smiling and I grab the case for that too. “We’re so going to have to teach you about just what a cult classic movie is.”

“But I’m not a film student?”

Oh…

Well that’s, that’s an idea….

I wonder if I can switch next semester.