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Part 5
 
Previously: When I went to bed, I was crying. Joyce came over with a pink stuffed dragon. “Hug Prissy and go to sleep, I will stay until you’re asleep.” …I hugged Prissy and Joyce was behind me, hugging me. …

Mom “Joyce, I don’t think that is wise,”
 

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she said… “I’m not.” I didn’t mean to say it out loud… “Then I hope you can handle it.” Joy laid on to the bed next to me…
Later, I turned during the night and found myself in Joy’s arms with a leg locked between mine. I tried to speak but I was in her face and she kissed me. The first kiss was just a peck, but then it got warm and juicy. I liked it but I didn’t want to take advantage of her. “This can’t be happening,” I whispered.

“Shush!”

‘Did I just hear that?’ Her breasts felt hot as she leaned against me and her hips were moving against me. Joy’s eyes opened and I knew she was awake.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she said.

“I’m not.” Again I didn’t mean to say it out loud.

“Then I hope you can handle it.” She rolled on top and began to make out with me, but not my penis. I didn’t know if we were supposed to be two girls or what. I knew I was being treated as a girl. Joy had us rolling and gyrating as she and then I began to shudder. It was like an explosion of feelings.

“I’m sorry,” Joy said. “I think that was the pent up genius needing to express herself.” She had my top off and my nipples were sensitive to her caressing lips. She sucked on one nipple and then changed to the other. …The next thing I knew I was waking up with Mom looking at me, “It looks like you had a good dream. Please take a good shower before getting dressed, put your sheets in the laundry and then come to breakfast.”

Joy was wrapped in a towel at the bathroom sink when I walked in and sat down on the throne without thinking. “Do you remember what happened last night,” asked Joy?

“I’m not sure, but I thought you woke up and kissed me, and then it got worse from there.”

“Worse isn't how I would describe it? If Mom thinks you had a wet dream, let’s leave it at that.”

“So I didn’t dream it?”

“No, you didn’t but I didn’t plan or intend it to happen. When I kissed, you said you weren’t sorry, so I didn’t stop. If you want to talk about it that would be fine, but don’t tell others, especially Mom or Dad”

I teased her, “Faith would be okay right?”

“If that was to be funny, it wasn’t,” Joyce said. “I could slap the smirk off your face? Don’t detract from a neat time; it may have been wrong but it felt special.”

“…I’m sorry, it was, I’m sure I’ll remember” I smiled and we hugged.

It was the first cold shower I remember choosing to take as I got ready for school.

Wearing my knit dress with the pink bra felt nice especially after last night. I hadn’t glued my breast forms strongly in place, wondering if I would be going to the doctor. Joy agreed that it didn’t show. Down at breakfast, Mom smiled, “If that doesn’t scream healthy girl, nothing will.” Joy and I smiled too, while Dad who was leaving for work shook his head. Faith irritated Mom when she called me a “Prissy Sissy.

Lace called and asked if we could pick her up, she needed to be in early for a voice lesson.

“Wow Jan, you look really pretty today.” “…Thanks, Lace.”

Principal Miller and Guidance Counselor Samantha Norton both met with us. “I’m sorry Mrs. Grant but with what is going on the south side, it is extra important we do everything by the book. Someone said Janelle is your sister’s daughter. So if you just have her Mom fill out these forms and have her school records sent with vaccine information that will be fine.”

“Well that won’t be, the situation in St. Louis is different from what is happening here, but Janelle’s whereabouts cannot be known there either. Chief Martin might be able to confirm that.” Ms. Norton left the room and came back, “

Chief Martin confirmed that to be true and gave the name of the woman officer whom we are to work through if anything more is needed. He said, she has arranged for Janelle to have a physical, that doctor can document information for our records.”

Principal Miller, “I guess we can appreciate such a situation and we’re glad she can be here. Janelle, you seem to be a fine young woman and it will be good to have you with us. Does anyone know if it is just through the end of the school year or longer?”

“We think it will be sometime this summer but they’re not really sure,” I stated. “So can I attend classes today? I was with Lace yesterday. If I could just keep her schedule I would appreciate it.”

“Ms. Grant and Janelle that would be alright with us, but I ask that later today or tomorrow we would appreciate if she could see her doctor, so we can have our records in order.”

Mom handed Ms, Norton a check, “That is for fees and lunch tickets through the remainder of the year.” Mom gave me a kiss and sent me on my way, but Ms. Norton called me back to give me a hall pass. 

 
Our first class had been going for twenty minutes, so the teacher told me to be seated. I went to sit down but there was a boy sitting where I sat yesterday. There weren’t any other seats in that row, so I told the boy, “I sat there yesterday.”

He said, “My name is Cecil Walters and this is my seat, but I was sick yesterday.”

I smiled and asked, “Do you know which seats are really open?”

Cecil said, “The boy who sat next to me moved away, so I know it’s open. Why don’t you take it? If you want you can have my seat if you will eat lunch with me?”

“I appreciate that and you can eat with us today that would be fine.”

Cecil was already up and moving before he heard my agreement. “If others don’t want you sitting with us then it would be just you and I sitting together, is that fair?” He nodded, yes. It was funny because Cecil was looking exactly where I would have been watching as Ronnie. Hopefully, Ronnie usually looked with a little more discretion. “The teacher’s up there,” I pointed to the front of the classroom.

I heard Lace whisper, “Cruel.”

I agreed with Lace after class that Cecil was attractive for a boy. “You need to learn to say ‘No’ to a boy?”

“I didn’t say yes to anything I just wanted the seat,” I stood my grounds.

“Did you or did you not agree to sit with a boy for lunch?”

“I said he could sit with us.”

“Inviting him to sit with you is the same thing. Plus you said you would sit alone with him if we didn’t let him sit with us.” Lace knew she had me, but I did a girl thing. Ignore what she said and went to the next class. The dress and slip felt really nice and as we walked to the next class I twirled once.

“O, get real girly, I can’t believe you just did that,” Lace was more embarrassed than me. But as it registered I was a close second.

“I’m sorry Lace I wasn’t thinking.” She pulled me into the girls’ room. The only other girl just left.

“If you were doing that to throw off criminals that would be one thing, but you were just enjoying being a girl. Now fix your face and let’s get to class.”
 

 
 
Mr. Bailey was staring at us when we came in late. Lace spoke up, “Sorry Mr. Bailey, she’s new and I got her here as soon as I could.” Mr. Bailey was still waiting for something. “O yes, this is Janelle Grant. She will be with us for the rest of the school year.”

Mr. Bailey said, “Janelle welcome, tell us a little about yourself?”

Lace again took over, “She is a cousin to the ‘Brain’; so she’s another little sister.”

He said, “Can you talk for yourself, Miss Grant?”

“Yes, my cousin is probably not comfortable with being singled out for her intelligence, but I am glad she is like a Big Sister. I am not smart like her nor do I have special gifts or talents. I was happy when I found out Lace was Wallace because I didn’t want to have a guy showing me around.”

Another girl spoke up, “That’s because she wants to be free for all the boys to like her.” Lace and a few other girls kind of coughed in agreement.

“Why would you say something like that,” Mr. Bailey asked.

“Word is she already has a date to the prom; today Cecil gave up his seat to her and I know there are one or two other boys thrown in there. If she played softball she would still have a perfect average. But the invite to the Prom should be considered a home run,” she giggled.

Liz spoke up, “She is even liked by most of us girls; there she’s like Joyce.” I smiled whispering “Thank you.”

The class was geography and the teacher sought to apply his lesson to how we might think. “Who can name six or more major cities in our country?” Only two boys volunteered answers. “Miss Grant, could you give a reason more boys should be able to answer that question?”

“I would guess you expect them to relate professional sports cities to larger cities, like Los Angeles, Atlanta, Dallas, Washington, D.C. as Chicago and New York City had already been named. Someone named Toronto but it is in Canada; I think that person named it because of the Toronto Blue Jays and their hockey team was in the playoffs.”

Mr. Bailey smiled, “Yes that is the correlation I hope students could make. Can anyone relate that to the world and sports?”

Lace raised her hand and said, “Beijing, London, Athens, Salt Lake City, and Paris. I know the next Summer Games are to be in Brazil, but I don’t remember the city.”
 
 
Come to lunchtime Janelle found herself looking around for Cecil, “If you want Jan we can ban Cecil from our table and you can have him all to yourself.” I knew she was teasing, at least I hoped she was. Cecil found Janelle and they went through the line together. Cecil went over to the table where Lace was as Janelle held her breath. Cecil was welcomed and Jan sat between him and Lace.

Lace didn’t notice any forced gestures for Jan to eat like a girl, but truthfully she was doing very well and better than some girls. Cecil talked about classes they share and a new video game, until Janelle asked, “Why did you ask me to have lunch with you?”

He stuttered and then, “I want to talk with you.”

“But I think you aren’t talking about what you want to; please either tell me something interesting about yourself or what you really want to talk about?” I could see Lace and other girls wondered if he would speak up or hurry off. Lace said as I waited for Cecil to reply, “Let’s go to the girl’s room before class starts.”

“Cecil you are a good looking boy who is smart, this shouldn’t be as hard as you make it.”

“…You think that?”

“…One more delay, and I am out of here.”

He quickly said, “Can we go for an ice cream cone alone after school?

“You’re asking, if that means you’re treating, yes, but I need to get to my Mom’s shop by 4:00 p.m.”

I was up with my tray and Lace was tugging on me. I said to Cecil, “Tell Doug to ask Lace to come along.” We disposed of our trays and were quickly in the girl’s room. I knew to quickly use a stall to gain some time to think. ‘I couldn’t believe it here I was sitting like a girl going to the toilet and thinking what to say to Lace.’

Lace is already at the sink taking care of herself. I wash my hands and checked my face. I needed to touch up my make-up and hair, which are simple enough. “What are you doing, another date and pulling me in as well?”

“It’s not a date, just ice cream and I included you because I am tired of you just looking and talking?” Other girls giggle and Lace is a little embarrassed. I said, “Tell me you don’t like Doug?” I am digging her hole a little deeper.

My phone vibrated, so I check and see a message from Mom: “Your appointment is tomorrow at 10:00 a.m. I want you to be at the store by 4:00 p.m.” Message two, from Joyce: “I am playing in the varsity game please be there before the game at 7:00 p.m. Please let me know when you are there?” 

 
 
The end of school came soon enough and Cecil found me and Doug asked Lace to go with him as well. Each event is new for me, so part of me is really nervous but only my family understands that. I felt I needed to tell Cecil about Paul and the Prom, “Cecil I will only be friends right now as I’m going to the Prom with Paul. And if he asks me I will probably continue to date him. I would like us to be friends and when appropriate study partners.”

“Cecil put on a happy face saying, “That is alright because my parents won’t let me date yet.”

After we got ice cream and finished talking I went to Hannah’s Women’s Shoppe, and Lace came with me. “Mom, I got a message from Joyce that she is playing in the varsity game which will begin at 7:00 p.m. She said we should be there on time. If it is okay I am going to buy a pair of Jeans and a top so I don’t need to wear this dress at the game?”

“Hi Mrs. Grant, would it be okay if I went to the softball game with you,” Lace asked?

“Hi Lace, yes we would love to have you go with us. If you would pick out something; it will be my thanks for helping Janelle at school.”

“Mrs. Grant that isn’t necessary…” I pulled Lace along with me. Come ten after four Mom told me to stop my search and get helping customers. Jasmine and Rachel were both there and Mom was working as well. The store however still had more customers needing help.

“Young lady, are you the one who called Hannah Mom?” The woman looked to be in her sixties at least and the girl appeared to be of college age but looked like someone I saw in school. I thought they were probably related but I did not want to guess wrong.

“So how can I help you?”

“Well, I am going to take my Granddaughter to New York City to a family wedding and it is going to be her first social outing there as a young lady. She wants me to purchase this cocktail dress. While it is pretty, I do not want her cousin embarrassed. Her cousin wants her as a hostess at the church and the first hour or two of the reception.”

“You said, she would be a hostess for the wedding at the church and the first two hours of the reception. I have been to two receptions that started with a meal and the cutting of the cake and then there was a change and the dance reception was more relaxed. Is this reception going to be like that?”

“Well, yes, but much more dressy than you probably understand.”

“I am sure, but I think the two of you have room to have your wishes. But before I explain, could you please tell me your names?”

Mrs. Johnson is the grandmother and Sharon Evers, a junior at Penn University. I could tell by how she carried herself she already had been around society. “Sharon, might I ask, if you are a member of a sorority or have been part of social gatherings in Philadelphia?”

“What I would like to suggest is that you two pick three more formal evening gowns that you both agree to and then three less formal evening dresses more suitable for dancing afterward. While alterations help some, trying the gowns will lead you to select one or two gowns. By then Hannah should be free for the final selection and fitting.

Mrs. Johnson was shaken by the idea of buying two gowns, though I was sure finances were not a concern. While Sharon was trying on her second gown, it was easy to see she would help make any gown look even more eloquent. When she came out in the beige gown the whole store stopped and looked at her in amazement. I was all but sure she had just found the right formal gown.

“Mrs. Johnson, your granddaughter looks most eloquent in that gown. Now, if they stay up to burn the city lights, I would not want her to be in that gown all that time. That shimmering blue cocktail gown or one of the others would be a welcome addition to showing she is a grown woman who understands the City.”

“You have a point, but if she is going to enjoy herself I might as well also; Mr. Johnson can just learn to loosen his checkbook.”

“Your Granddaughter appears to be one who will be very appreciative. If you don’t mind however I would like to get Hannah, she’s really my aunt, and I’m sure she will be much better at coordinating all that needs to go with it as well as fitting her dresses as well as your own selection.
 
 
I went to talk with Sharon. She was very relieved; she would be able to get the second dress. “I am going to push a little and try the two shorter dresses that I like. There is no use to trying other gowns as I am set on this one. I will need your help in getting out of this gown without any problem.”

I unhooked the top of the gown and started the zipper down to where Sharon could easily reach it. “Please come in front and help hold the gown and let me hold you as I step out of it please.” I was embarrassed about being there. I held the front of the gown as best I could, steadied myself as Sharon leaned on me. I looked into Sharon’s beautiful eyes and nowhere else.

“Thank you, Janelle is it?” I thanked her for the compliment while taking the gown and placing the two shorter dresses at her reach. I took the gown to the fitting area, hung it up and set it aside to be fitted. The dark blue short evening dress shimmered; Sharon showed it off out of grandma’s sight as potentially grabbing attention with her naughty side.

Jasmine and I were amused with the change as she went out to Grandma and her demeanor changed. Grandma was a very alive sixty-year-old woman who looked incredible in the gown she selected. She looked no less than five years younger, and ten years younger than when she first came in.

Sharon acknowledged, “Grandma you already have a very nice dress, but this one is fantastic.”

“Yes, the other politely says ‘Grandmother’, now what do you say of these?”

“I am impressed the red, pink and white dress looks very vibrant and Grandpa will have you dancing all night or lose you.” I had to giggle at her statement. Grandma leaving the store looked very different from the staid grandma who had come into the store. I was glad however that I gave the order over to Hannah to finish. I kept busy helping customers or checking out purchases.

Before Sharon left she had come over and asked, “You’re the new girl at school that my younger sister Kara is talking about. She said you were cute and so nice that you were too good to be real. My guess is you were a tomboy and you’re trying hard to break those habits.”

“I am easily intimidated because you and others are beautiful and you know how to carry yourself. Even then a guy or someone well intended like your grandmother doesn’t see it.”

“Well thank you and thank you for helping me and my Grandmother?”

I spoke, “I have a question about the fragrance you’re wearing; can you tell me what it is?”

Sharon reached into her purse and showed me her bottle of Cashmere Mist and then asked me to put out my left wrist and lightly sprayed it. I didn’t know enough to rub my two wrists and to lightly sniff. Sharon was amused but happy to tell me to rub some on my neck below my ears. “From the sounds of it you might have enough boys nibbling at your earlobes already?”

“I don’t think so, but if one boy talks to me it seems other girls think it is too much. Why would I want a boy nibbling at my ears anyway?”

“You really don’t know do you?”

“Well I can’t think a boy slobbering on my neck would be fun,” I said.

“Well, actually I think other women are more sensual if you could handle it. I probably shouldn’t have said that to you,” Sharon replied.

“I had a friend in St. Louis say something similar, something like women being more attune to the sensitivity of another woman.”

I was uncomfortable about how excited I was as we talked. So I excused myself as I still needed to pick out a pair of jeans and a top before I went to the softball game. Lacey came over with three pairs of jeans for me to choose from. I chided Lace as two pairs would ride on my hips.

She chided me back, “I bet you don’t mind looking at a girl in them? Don’t worry about your ass some boys are going to find them more than attractive.” She was embarrassed as soon as she said it.

I teased, “Don’t you feel bad about talking to me like this?”

“…Not when you are looking like this I’m not, keep that pair on I’ll just take off the tag. Now put on this top and blouse over that and we will be done.”

The top and blouse, as Lace did the blouse, made me look like I had cleavage. I wanted to button up the blouse, but Lace slapped my hands and Jasmine told me to listen to Lace. I complained to Mom and went 0 for three.

There went the last of my mother’s gift card. The shoes were not a great match but would be manageable. It would be 6:20 before Mom was through with fittings. Jasmine had instructed Rachel and me to restocked what we could. Lace was amused with how quickly I was learning to fold or hang women’s clothes.

Lace giggled, “Some woman is going to be pleased to have you go shopping and doing the laundry.” The girl comments were coming too fast.

“Quit teasing me,” I snapped at Lace and had tears in my eyes. I spoke too loudly as Mom and others turned toward us. Lace was embarrassed as well as upset that I couldn’t take the teasing.

“Maybe these jeans are too girly for you,” Lace whispered?

“I’m sorry Lace, you didn’t deserve that. It’s just that I am trying so hard to be someone I don’t want to be.”

“Things might be moving way to fast, but maybe you like it more than you are comfortable admitting,” Lace said and Jasmine shook her head in agreement.

“It’s kind of fun, but only because it’s temporary,” I insisted.

Mom tapped me, “Forget what you’re doing, we need to get going.” Hannah didn’t even stand up for me. I let Lace ride up front as I didn’t want anyone to see me.

“We have fifteen minutes, go see what your sister wanted you for please.”

“Hey Sis, Coach asked if I knew anyone who could keep score. I remembered you said you do; so if you are willing to get in here then you can go with us for Pizza if we win.”

“But I have Lace with me?”

“Ask her if she wants to sit in here with you or out there?” I asked and Lace decided to stay out as there were more boys than usual at the game.
 

 
 
Come to the third inning, I needed to catch for the pitcher as the catcher got her equipment back on. I heard Rick claim he saw my panties which was a little annoying, even if it wasn’t true. Seemingly he knew, I didn’t believe him, so he said out loud, “shiny pink.” Then I knew better.

I told Joy the next time she came into the dugout. “Don’t get upset that happens to all of us.”

“All of us aren’t girls, Joyce?”

She looked me in the eyes and smiled, “I could either tell them you are not just another girl, or you can be happy that right now you are passing for one.”

Paul as well as Rick ate at the pizza place and gave us a ride home, unfortunately by a longer route. I cursed the perfume below my ears even though I found out why a girl might like it. I creamed my panty liner as I was now feeling very warm. Both Rick and Paul walked us to the front door where we kissed some more.

Once inside, I was sure Joyce knew what had happened and had me sit with her and Mom to talk. The talk was mostly about the game and my helping the team. But I was still warm and I felt messy.
 
 
Finally, it was time to get ready for bed; “Janelle, remember you have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow at 10:00 a.m. and we will go have your nails done afterward. We'll have lunch together.” I wanted to protest getting the nails done as well as a doctor seeing me dressed as a girl. However, I knew the protests would be in vain.

As I wrapped the panty liner in toilet paper, I could hear Joyce, “That’s a good idea but don’t think you are fooling Mom or me.” “…I couldn’t help it, Joyce.” I felt bad that I got excited about a boy, but I couldn’t talk to anyone.

Before I could take my shower to clean myself the gaff needed to come off, but for that, I needed the solvent to remove it. “Joyce, I need the solvent to remove the gaff if I am going to clean myself.”

“Janelle, it is okay you can trust Mom with knowing what happened. You might not like it, but girls experience a Mom knowing more than one is comfortable with. Just make sure you learn from Mom how to do it yourself.”

Joy calls downstairs, “Mom, Janelle needs you.”

Mom came up and asked, “Janelle please lie down so I can help get your gaff off?”

“Mom, how did you know? Joyce, you already told Mom that wasn’t fair.”

Mom said, “Janelle, I don’t think you want to get in a discussion about how I knew. Let’s just say I am glad it was you and not Paul. And no, Paul didn’t know as he had his own problems.”

‘No, I don’t want to think of it.’ One thing I continue to be surprised about is Mom and others actually treat me better than I treat others.

I was in the shower when Joyce came into the bathroom. We were getting used to each other being there; I guess I’m just another girl to Joy. “Janelle, you can be glad you are not a girl tomorrow when you get your physical.”

“D**, I hadn’t thought; what is she going to do? Hopefully, she’ll fill out the forms and I’ll be on my way.” Joy hands me a breath mint, “What’s this for?”

“Your mouth, ...Janelle, tomorrow might scare you a bit. Hopefully, she thinks to help you to find out what is going on with your body and help you understand better who you really are?”

“That would be nice, but I don’t think they really want to help me. I’m sure my Mom or Dad won’t approve of anything like that. ...What do you mean about knowing who I am?”

“Between you being small down there and… well, some things about Janelle seem to come so easy. For one, most guys aren’t guy magnets like you; more significantly as Janelle you also like it.”

Somewhere in our discussion, I dozed off; one dream I kind of remember I unsuccessfully wrestle with the idea of me, Janelle, liking boys. I didn’t recognize the guy, but I was very happy when I first woke from the dream and I was glad Joy was fast asleep. When I went back to sleep my body was transforming. There were a vagina and breasts on a medical tray and I was going under sedation for surgery. Instead of saying ‘No’ I heard me say ‘Thank you, doctor’.
 

 
I was awake and up at 5:30 a.m. earlier than usual. After a quick shower, I found a simple skirt and blouse outfit waiting for me. But I put on my bra, panties and my robe and went to the kitchen. Mom was up and relaxing, so I got a cup of tea and sat with her. “Mom would it be a problem if Joyce went with us to the University Hospital. I think I would feel a little more comfortable if she did.”

“We can ask her when she gets up. So what is making you a bit nervous?”

“Well, I was hoping I would go and she would just sign the needed documents and we would be through. But Joyce got me thinking; she hopes the doctor checks me over and helps to figure out what is up with my body. Joyce says my penis …I’m sorry it is not proper to talk like this with you.”

Mom laughed, “I’m sorry that you are in this predicament, having to trust someone you hardly know.”

“It may sound strange, but I trust you and Joyce a lot. Joyce gets me to think of things that I’m not always comfortable with. She thinks I might not be a boy and that girl things come too naturally for me to be a boy. But I have always been a boy. Because I’m smaller and don’t have muscles like some boys, including Tim, my Dad gets angry with me. He likes to push me around too get me tougher. He puts me down and I just take it. He expects me to fight back, and get beat up even more. I can’t win either way.”

I continue “Mom used to treat me like the daughter she wanted. She got upset with me when she saw her son as a sissy girl.”

Ma Grant says, “So you would be uncomfortable if the doctor thinks you’re a girl?”

“How could that be otherwise and how would I adjust; I’ve been a boy all my life.”

“Mom, how could I become a girl at fifteen? Others think I act like a girl, but being a girl is very complicated if one hasn’t been one. I am sure she will say I am a boy. While I kind of like acting like a girl, the doctor couldn’t give me the one thing I would like.”

Mom asks, “And what is that Janelle; what would you like to happen?”

“Well someday my parents are going to come back and I won’t need to act like a girl. I will have to go back to my own family.”

Mom says, “But what is it you would like to happen?”

“I like being a girl because I love being part of this family. Even Dad is comfortable with me being more girl like.”

“So whether you were a girl or boy, you would like to be part of a family, is that correct,” Mom asked?

“Kind of, but it is more like if I’m Ronnie wrestling with being him or Janelle being disciplined for shoplifting like you are doing to me. If I discovered I was or wanted to be Janelle then I would definitely want to be in this family. If I had to go back to just being Ronnie I would just plan to run away. Unfortunately, it’s the least attractive, but the most likely.”

Mom gave me a big hug; she didn’t cry but she shook as she wanted too. She fought to keep her composure. She asked, “Janelle, please go and get ready for the day. You can either ask Joyce to go with us or you can send her to me and I will talk to her.”

I kind of felt incomplete as I needed to tuck myself because the gaff wasn’t on. I kind of liked my penis hidden away. I did, however, like how I was looking. I have changed; I know better how to wear girl’s clothing, makeup and even to style my hair fairly well.
 

 
We saw Faith off to school and Dad earlier to work, and then the three of us left for the University Medical Center. Dr. Holly Simmons was more intrigued with comments received from Dr. Grant, than the simple physical exam and documentation Chief Martin needed for Ronnie's alias Janelle. Thus she asked for blood samples to be drawn and examined, while she met, interviewed and examined Janelle.

“May I call you Janelle or would you prefer Ronnie,” she asked? With Janelle’s permission to address her as she was dressed, “Janelle, do you understand what the term androgyny means or relates to?”

“Your blood test, examining you as well as talking to you I am getting a complex picture. You have the features of a person with both male and female physical traits. You have chromosome differentiation that seems to be part of the answer. But your life has been complicated by the suppression of your female identity until just recently. Yet I believe your social identity as Janelle is as strong as or stronger than you male identity as Ronnie.”

“But twice since I’ve been with the Grants I’ve gotten so excited that I messed my panties how could you explain that plus they tested my sperm?”

“I do understand you got excited and had a very emotional experience, and while you did excrete what you thought was sperm it was merely the fluids that might carry the sperm as well as the juices that are regularly excreted by some women during a sexual experience.”

“I am comfortable with you continuing your present identity as Janelle, but I would like to meet with you again next week and every other week thereafter as well as a counselor when you are here. I have talked with Hannah and I would like you to continue to bond with Hannah as a foster mother that you admire. It doesn’t mean everything between you two will be harmonious that is not the role of a mother.”

“You and others have shared you are going to the prom in a week. Though I think you are quite young to do so; I will accept that it has already been agreed upon. It should be quite an experience for you as a young woman. Please realize that you psyche and gender identity are likely to be quite different than the perceived sex identity you have lived under for the past fourteen plus years.”

"I am going to give you a prescription, much like birth control pills but in this case, it is to keep at bay any hormonal changes as a maturing male. It will not cause the development of your breasts but it is likely going to allow your body’s own change as a maturing woman to run its course. There won’t be any permanent changes from allowing this over the next thirty days. But it will give us a more complete picture of who you are.”

I finally spoke up, “But I’ve been raised to think I was either crazy, a freak or both. What happens when my parents come back and force me to change again?”

Dr. Simmons calmly assured me, “I dare not predict the courts, but you have now been given over to the state and the Grants to act as your guardians. My findings and recommendation will be that your parents have shown a willful disregard for your wellbeing and should not receive you back into their custody.”

“Dr. Simmons there is a lot to being a girl; if I were a real girl wouldn’t I already know all of those things?”

“Janelle, you are a precious person however your life goes. Having seen yourself as Ronnie should help you in life as experiencing life as Janelle. Much of what you have become was learned. And because you have seen yourself as Ronnie and as a boy you have been brought up with that thinking.”

"As Janelle, you have shown a propensity to grow and learn about who you are and you relate extremely well to others as a woman. I would like for the foreseeable future, the next thirty to maybe ninety days for you to experience life and to grow as Janelle. Would you agree to do that?”

I say, “I will agree to try, but I think you three will get a lot of questions from me that you will think are bad. I am happy if this means I am free to like having a manicure or wearing my prom dress?”
 
End Part V
 

 

 
To Be Continued...