Si(gh)liness: Transname, Tennessee

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Si(gh)lliness: Transname, Tennessee

Dear BC readers: most of my output has been dramas, with action and romance mixed in. I do have a love of humor, though, and I warn you, it is fairly unsophisticated (puns, limericks, etc.) I ran across these names at the CAR TALK website. I laughed so much, I had to share some with you. To make it appropriate for BC, I have added a Transgender theme. So if you enjoy this type of stuff, enjoy! If not, toss those rotten eggs - I'm tough enough to take it!

You are what you do. So said Socrates. Well, meet a city that takes that literally.

(AT/Reiters) - Welcome to Transname, Tennessee, one of the most transgender friendly towns on earth. The founder and mayor is a male to female transsexual, and founded the town five years ago just after her SRS. Because of the TG-friendly policies here, the place has grown by leaps and bounds — it now is home to more than 50,000 people, all either transgendered or transgender-friendly. Both MTF and FTMs feel equally at home here. There is, however, one city law that has everyone a little surprised: The need for a ‘work name’.

“Dammit, I’m getting too old to remember who you are AND what exactly you do,” insists city founder/current mayor Hedda State. “So since we made it so easy here for citizens to change their names to reflect their birth genders, I require that they also have a name that reflects what their individual jobs are. Take me, for example. My final term as mayor expires in three years. Then I’m changing my name to Gladys Overwith, and retiring.”

A look through the town’s work name phone book is quite revealing. Sometimes the work name will reveal other things also, such as a persons’ nationality; the name also reflects the person’s new gender. What follows is a partial list.

ATTORNEYS
Oldest Law Firm in Town …………………………. Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe
Specialist in Appealing Convictions …………. E. Shelby Released
Mediation law ………………..……………………..….Sue Phirst
Tax law …………………………………………..……….Lou Pole
Criminal Defense Attorney ………………………. Donatella Dicoppas
Appeals specialist………………………………….….Bud Uronner

BUSINESS PEOPLE
Payroll administrator………………………………..Imelda Czechs
Self-assertiveness trainer …………………..……. Lois Steem
Complaints ………………………………………..……. Kurt Reply
Staff disciplinarian …………………………………… Joaquin D’ Planque
Accountant ……………………………………………… Candace B. Rittenoff
Senior staff advisors ………………………………... Ben Thayer, Don Thatt
Idea man ………………………………………….…….. Drew A. Blank
Employee loyalty expert ………………………….. Upton Leftus
Switchboard operater ……………………………… Levon Hold
Director of Purchasing ………………………..…… Lois Bidder
Appropriator of Bonuses …………………….…… H. I. “Lee” Unlikely
In charge of Promotions…………………………… Wendy Pigsfly
Spanish translation checker …………………….. C. S. Verdad
Financial outlook predictor ……………………… Hugh Don Wannano
Layoff counselors ……………………………………. Harry Verderchi, Oscar LaVista

SECURITY SERVICES
Security guard monitoring cameras ……….…. Constance Noring
Perimeter security ……………………………………. Barb Dwyer
Personal bodyguard …………………………………. C. Howie Runn
Security helicopter pilot……………………………….Yulanda U. Lucky

CITY AND STATE EMPLOYEES
Animal control ………………………………………….. Turner Luce
Police chief ……………………………………………..… Amanda B. Reckonwith
Mailman …………………………………………………… Alfredo D. Rottweiler
Voting administrator ……………………….………… Emanuel Recount

SCHOOL OFFICIALS AND COACHES
Prom chaperone……………………………………..……Theresa Crowd
Cheerleading coach ……………………………………. Hugo Girli
Bungee Jump Instructor …………………………….. Hugo First
Hockey coach ……………………………………….……. Miss Inga Tooth
Beginners ice skating coach ……………………….. Landon McKeester
Bowling coach (Israeli) …………………………..….. Menachem Down
Self defense instructor …………………………….… Anita DeGroin
High School Lunchroom Quality Assurance…. Howard M. Taters
Machine shop instructor…………………………...….Les Fingers

CHURCH MINISTRIES
Prophet ………………………………………………….….. Vera Lee Isay
Preacher …………………………………………….……… Boris Tadeff
Church soundboard operator (sits through all 3 of Boris’ sermons on Sunday mornings) ………….……….. Diana Boredom
Prayer warrior.............................................................. Denise Hurt
Points the bathrooms out to first time visitors…. Trudy Door and Donna Hall
Swedish evangelist …………………………………….. Bjorn A. Gain
Spiritual guidance counselors ……………….……. Zeke and Ewell Find
Morality enforcer………………………………..………. Phyllis Steen

AUTO SALES, SERVICE, TRAINING AND INSPECTION
Family vehicle specialist ………………………..…… Minnie Van Driver
Used car salesperson …………………………………. Alexis Itznot
Alexis’ latest customer ……………………………….. Iona Heap
Alignment repairman ………………………………… Lou Segusi
Guarantor of repeat repair business ………..….. Lucien DeBolts
Inspector of 18-wheelers …………………………… Zbignew Rigg
Inspector of used cars ………………………….……. Ewell B. Hoofinett
Russian courtesy van driver ………………………. Pikop Andropov
Voice of your GPS ……………………………………… Mischa Turnov
Auto seat tester ………………………………..……….. Fitz Matusch
Auto body repair …………………………….………… Denton Fender
Classic car restoration ……………………….………. Orson Buggy
Defensive driving instructor ………………………. Faye Tality
Senior citizen driving instructor ……...…………. Tanya Blinkeroff

MEDICINE
Infection specialist……………………………………….Sal Monella
Geneticist……………………………………………………..Jean Poole
Ophthalmologists……………………………………..….Ike and Zeke Leerly
Neurologist…………………………………………………Sarah Bellum
Psychiatrist………………………………………………….U. Nita Schrinck
Proctologist…………………………………….…………..Ben Dover
Urologist……………………………………………………. I. P. Freighly
Acne specialist ………………………………………….. Don Pickett
FTM Transgender surgical specialist………….…Ben Hur

VARIOUS
Computer repair …………………………….…………… Dot Matrix
Code writer …………………………………………..……. C. Colon Backslash
Marriage counselor ……………………………………… Stan Beyerman
Supplier of beef to troops in Afghanistan ……. Sandy Berger
Toupee’ specialist ………………………………….…….. Hedda Harrigan
Tuxedo Rental …………………………………..……….. Euripides Ibreakauface
Protein shake salesman ………………………………. Emile Initzelf

Most of these were taken from the 'credits' at the CAR TALK website. If you're still here, please leave a comment! Thanks for reading - **Sigh**

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Comments

Humour Monitor

Gudfer A. Larf

Briar

What happened to the

What happened to the Investment Adviser? Rob U. Blynde.

Ahh the memories

We used to play a game like this when I was a child.
The winner was the one who made up the most funny name that described their job.
Thanks for the list.

Thanks for the chuckle

I sharpen scissors and knives for a living

~Needa Band-Aid

Some of them have whiskers.

Angharad's picture

Italian electoral returns officer - Count da Votes
Secret service chief - Isa Spie
Lion tamer - Claude Balls.
Canvassers - Belle Wringer & Dawe Nokka
Political lobbyist - Watts Titworth

Etcetera...

Angharad

sorry

I gotta add, Attack dog trainer.....Tara Buttsoff

giggles, sigh!

nice bit of humor there.

DogSig.png

Town Historian, and others

Town Historian: Trudy Ages
Assistant Historians: Delores Ancient, Donna History
Weather Forecaster: Windy N. Warm
Town Carpenter: Willie Makeit
Town Undertaker Berry M. Deepe
Editors of "Letters to the Editor": P. Doff and T. Doff
Advice Columnist: Alyson Vunderlandt
Writer of Children's Books" Juan Sue Pony Thyme
Signs on Restroom doors: Ladle Bouys or Ladle Gulls
Town Doctors: Lance D. Abcess, Gerry Atric, Sara Doctorina House
Police Chief: Colin Alcars
Town Musicians: Iyle B. Bach Ina Minuet, Andy Beet Gozon
Girl's Camp Counselor: Rhonda Campfire
Bank Teller: Bill Changer
Town Drunk: Juan Morefore D'Rhode

Don't let someone else talk you out of your dreams. How can we have dreams come true, if we have no dreams?

Katrina Gayle "Stormy" Storm

Hahaha

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahh.

proof reader
Gidjet Wright


ed

Brilliant!

I love these. I like to make up businesses, e.g., "Moppa Mundi: 'We Clean the World'."

Baseball Team

Back in college and for a while afterward, a number of members of our table baseball league (using the Strat-O-Matic game) came up with about 50 or 60 of these. Many were private jokes or are pointless without league references, and others are plays on obscure player names, such as the team name, the Larville Blanks (from a Cleveland infielder named Larvell Blanks).

There were also items like Bart Caltrane, who never showed up on time (BART and CalTrain being San Francisco Bay Area transit systems) and Jack Usage, whose name I found in the trunk of my car.

But among the ones that I can remember that may be worth mentioning here:

C.U. Laytor - unsuccessful pitcher, released
Justin Cayce - relief pitcher
A.J. Teene - young phenom
Sandy Aygo - hotshot from SoCal
Doug (Pop) Outt, bench coach/old backup catcher
"Dawg" Mietz and "Bull" Penn - other worthless backup catchers
Manuel (Tex) Darraghty - gifted pitcher (our only Spoonerism, I think)
(the great) Sandy Waste - star outfielder (it's one of the no-man's lands surrounding the Land of Oz on the original "official" map)

Can't recall much of the front office, but the team's attorney was C. Ewan Cort and one of the organization executives was Lee Grewels.

Frustrating that I can't find The List -- as we called it -- right now. I kept it in my bedstand for decades in case inspiration struck...

Eric

A good job compiling these

A good job compiling these and more. :)
I giggled over a number of the names.
The other day I was having a contest with a housemate on fishing puns... I never said it was a good contest!

Xx
Amy

After reading some of.....

These , I just had to Sigh! Then Grown! And of coarse Giggle! Hugs, Taarpa

Love the various names in

Love the various names in this offering.
Reminds me of the two twin Chinese brothers.
One owned and operated a chain of upscale Cleaners (Wan Hung Lo); and the other owned and operated several restaurants ( Tu Hung Lo).

What kind of mind do you have

What kind of mind do you have Sigh, to have come up with these?
Here's another one, Reader............. P.D. Pants
Believe me I laughed so hard I did !
Israeli bowling coach, Pleese!

Hugs, Karen

It's so good

to find someone else who loves wordplay and puns!

Biiiig squeezy hugs! - **sigh**

Words may be false and full of art;
Sighs are the natural language of the heart.
-Thomas Shadwell