Absinthe, Opium and Honor…Chapters 43 & 44.

Chapter 43

*Emily…………

I never, ever really though about myself as a lesbian before. I’m not really sure that I am either but after the long session of girl talk with the rest of the girls in the house about my night with Jamie and there was a lot to talk about like.

How great looking she is…actually most of us agreed on that even if there was a few of the girls that were kind of jealous.

Yeah jealous…I even admitted to it too. I’m a big girl; I’ve never been the skinny girl ever. Not even in like back as far as the first grade. I’ve done the diets and the binges and tried working out.

Okay going to the gym and stuff helped a lot but there is always these girls there that are the gym rats that make you feel like crap and that you’re some fatty invading your space. Hell even Curves back home was like that. It’s not supposed to be but it too was invaded as a women’s only gym they could go there without getting hit on.

That’s fine but they didn’t have to be the passive aggressive little bitches that they were. It’s the same almost everywhere that I’ve been. And if you’re not in shape…then it just takes something muttered some whisper here and there to take whatever momentum that you’ve built right out of your sails.

Here in the house we’re geeks, geeks and nerdy girls and skinny or big or whatever we’re not the pretty ones by far.

And then you have Jamie…five ten, long legs, C-cup boobs that are really proud and perky and a really nice butt plus she’s blonde and gorgeous…like seriously great looking she actually gives all the hot girls on campus a serious run for who’s the best looking.

And she was born a guy, and her gear still works.

But we talked about that and her at length but also about how she treated me on our date and how much of a woman she really is but too…just how much of a courteous date that she is too.

Like knowing the girl thing well enough that we’d be talking.

And being that kind of person that bought us all pizza.

Actually none of us had ever heard of anyone guy or girl doing that after a date.

It was a lot of serious cool.

Sigh.

And then there was Molly.

Molly who not that long ago I just had my very first lesbian encounter with and I know it’s like cliché stuff for girls in college and stuff but holy hot damned I could not keep myself from steeling glances at her the rest of the night.

I rubbed out a few orgasms in the night thinking of both of them but Molly a lot burying my face in my pillow to muffle the noises. I’ve never masturbated outside of my bedroom at home before and actually never since I was sixteen. It’s been like a year and a half since I did anything like this and even after the sex I had with Molly I hand-hump myself into three more waves of rushing pleasure before I was exhausted and fell asleep.

I’m really glad that I put down a towel.

And actually having someone actually real to have a fantasy about…wow…I’ve never had a jillingsworthy time that was so powerful before.

I see Molly in the hall as we’re doing the whole morning shower thing and I blush a lot more than I think I might have if I hadn’t touched myself and she does the same…she’s showered already but she was looking like she was basement bound with a load of her bed sheets.

I’m blushing harder and yet I’m smiling all the way to the shower and I am aroused and happy.

More happy than aroused.

It is a huge, huge thing to have someone actually attracted to me and not put off by me and I’m giddy, I’m happy and giddy of just having some self worth.

I’m even daring enough to get a good bra on for classes and wear a low cut blouse. Nothing like super sexy and racy but nice and it shows off my bust and my cleavage.

I do a bit with my hair for a change and even some make up.

There is nothing like feeling like a nobody to inflict a whole cloud of why bothers on you and the effect can bury you pretty quickly. Or like dark clouds you get rained on and depressed because of that feeling and you feel like you’re weighed down by life and the longer it goes on the more it saps stuff out of you.

I actually feel great today.

I go with some of the others and walk to campus and we head to the food hall and I’m getting looks. Not a lot but some and some of them…I think…I think might be like checking me out looks?

Me?

Wow…I…I don’t know how to take that really.

Rachel’s with me. “Wow Em, you’re kind of like popular.”

“What me?”

“Uhm…yeah I think.”

“Me…”

“Yeah…you.”

“Why?”

“Hot by affiliation?”

I look at her. Okay Rachel’s cute but she’s not that cute. I mean there’s nothing wrong with her but she’s kinda punk and it fits here and it doesn’t all at the same time. She’s a brunette but the bangs she has are dyed blonde and she has a few piercings okay a lot of piercings and she has tattoos.

Okay I like her tattoos, a girl with tatt’s freaked me out at first but she is sleeved? Both arms done and she has flowers and stuff even dandelions on there but she has Pooh and Tigger and Smurfette and yeah she has like thorns and stuff here and there but she also has like electric guitars and musical notes and she’s that much of a geek that she has the Tardis as one of her tattoos hidden in the foliage as well as a weeping angel.

She also has a tattoo for the Federation badge and one for the Klingon crescent sword thingy.

She blushes and gives me this purse lipped little hip bump. “No not me but like thanks a lot for being all skeptical about it.”

“Sorry.”

“Naw, it’s okay. I’m used to not being that girl. Guys see me and stuff and the back right off and usually I’m way too geek for the lesbian crowd too.”

“Okay…you’re into both?”

“I have no idea about the girls; there one or two I’ve met or seem that yeah maybe but I like guys for sure but….”

“But?”

“Most guys are complete assholes and I want someone brave enough to step up despite of myself and at the same time to not be some overconfident douche bag and actually get me.”

I nod. “I can get that, there’s definitely bad attention.”

Rachel looks at me.

“I have had no shortage of assholes either. Nail that fat chick she’ll be begging for it and then there’s all these guys that want to cum on my chest.”

I grin as Rachel does an orange juice spit take and she’s looking at my boobs. “Yeah…I can actually really, really see that…eeew. That’s as fucking bad as that whole facial thing.”

I burst out laughing. “Yeah I just want to take guys like that and finger flick mayonnaise in their faces and ask fun isn’t it?”

We both end up cracking up in like and I grin and I step up to get some food and there are some of the pretty bitches there doing their little thing but so is Jamie.

“Hey you, good morning.” She says it sweetly like she’s happy to see me and she does the hug thing and she smells good. And there’s this whole glow about her. And out of the blue to me and in front of everyone she gives me this light kiss.

And not on the cheek but on the lips.

Oh wow, screw the coffee.

She smiles and we move along the line and its Jamie she’s getting actually a good amount of food.

I start to do the same watching Jamie putting a lot of food on her plate. I’m getting yogurt and a banana and some Special K cereal and she’s getting granola and some yogurt too but blueberries and then some scrambled eggs and a lot of bacon and even some toast.

Rachel is getting pancakes and some more juice and that’s about it but she’s looking at Jamie’s bacon with longing. “How are you able to eat that without getting fat? Bacon’s not good for you y’know?”

“I know but I’m hungry I worked up an appetite this morning.”

“Oh yeah I’ve seen you running some times.”

“I run everyday usually, well most days in the week.”

“Oh so like what else?” Rachel asks and I’m interested too, like I’ve said Jamie is one of the prettiest girls on campus.

We go and we get a table and sit and Jamie gets a slice of bacon. “Well we break it up into different stuff so I did running today and yoga and then swimming but I do some other stuff usually before I go running.”

“We?” I ask.

“Well Alex and our teacher Sasha.”

Rachel asks. “What’s she teach?’

“How to be like I am?”

“Huh?”

“I take lessons, how to walk and talk and move and smile and cooking, dancing, clothes and sex.”

“Sex!” We both say it at the same time.

And Jamie looks at me matter of factly. “I like sex, I like sex a lot and while I don’t have a lot of partners I do actually have sex a lot and I want to be good at it.”

I’m trying to mull that over and Rachel is looking at her. “So you sleep around?”

“No…but I’ll sleep with whoever I want whenever I want.”

“So how many people have you slept with?”

“In my life?”

Rachel nods.

“Eight.”

Okay even I’m blinking in surprise. Look I’m no virgin but that seems like a kind of low number given some of the things that are sort of floating around Jamie.

Rachel asks. “That’s it?”

“Pretty much, but I’m still having sex with like half of them.”

“What?” We both exclaim.

“I don’t do one night stands even the one night stand I did have with a girl is something that I’d love to repeat. I like the people that I’m lovers with otherwise I don’t sleep with them.”

“And they’re good with that?” I ask. I’m not sure where my head is at with this whole thing.

She looks right at me. “Yes, the people I’m with get full disclosure about stuff like that but they also have to know that I don’t come with strings, I’m not a puppet.”

I look at her. “What about relationships?”

“I’d like to be in one sometime but to me a relationship is a big, big deal and something you just don’t leap into because people expect you to be in one.”

Rachel looks like she’s processing that. I start to eat. “That would so never fly back home.”

Jamie looks at me. “But it does.”

“Huh?”

“Oh sure it does but you’re not allowed to.”

“Like I said it’d never fly at home.”

“But it does with those girls.”

“Those girls?”

“The ones that are hot and they know it, the ones that you went to school with that got all the guys.”

“Jamie that’s stereotyping.”

“I know but you tell me how often the pretty but not up to that standard girls got to do that, date like that without getting slut shamed or teased and taunted until they stopped?”

I have to think about it a few minutes. There were some girls that did that, four or five but they did go out with the best of the high school guys…and if someone did go out with someone that it seemed they didn’t think that they approved of that girl had better watch out.

“Okay there were a few.”

“Right and these girls pretty much were never called sluts right? They were the popular girls and that was just that?”

“Yeah…”

“Most of them were doing what they wanted to…including being bitches enough to scare off anyone else that muffin in one the attention and the popularity and all the perks.”

“Perks?”

“Girls like that also like to score stuff from these guys, clothes, rides, anything the guy will pay for.”

“So you’re saying for sex.” Rachel asks. “Aren’t you saying shit about women now?”

“Yes I am, heaven forefend someone actually point out in these feminist days there are some women that do this, that there’s a lot of women who quantify men be material gain and then go for that gain like a guy is an ATM.”

“You sound biased against women.”

“I am a woman, I love being one but it doesn’t mean I won’t say what I think.”

“So a guy can’t pay?”

“Sure he can but there’s a huge difference between letting a guy pay because he asked you out than being a leech.”

“But if it’s like that then why do these guys want to even be with these girls.”

“The same way it sort of works here…sex…because few guys are going to turn down hot sex with a pretty girl and two she’s a pretty girl, so more guy points.”

“Guy points?”

“Yeah y’know dick measuring, which man is the better man. Women do it too…hell we do it to each other that’s why the pretty people seem to breed with each other. They look good together.”

“You’re joking.” I say but Jamie just gives me this serious look.

“You know it’s real.” She says.

Rachel looks at her. “Wow that’s kind of bleak.”

“Yes it is but it’s also not everyone. It’s why going to college is so great.”

We both are giving her a skeptical look. “Right….”

“No it is, see all the privileged kids that we went to school with are either in their white tower schools or eve if they’re here they’re not the kings and queens anymore. They’re here with their attitudes and guess what? So is every diva and guy that thinks he’s god. They’re just another face in the crowd. So they either quit because uhm life is hard or they get over themselves and try to be a human being or they are like those girls from the other day still doing the same cliquish bullshit here only they’re outnumbered.”

I look at her. “Wow…so never thought of it that way.” Rachel’s nodding and Jamie smiles and taps her temple.

“That’s high school programming. When I discovered who I really was a lot of that went out the window. I am going to do whatever I want, what makes me happy and not live to socially please a bunch of people with no impact in my life.”

Rachel laughs. “So one of those girls gets in my face then…?”

Jamie grins. “Ask her if she’s eating your pussy, No? Then she doesn’t get to have a say in your life.”

I have to stop eating or choke and we’re all laughing pretty hard which is getting us looks too.

It kind of hits too that some of them, some of them seem to be looking at me like I’m not supposed to have fun like this.

Before I’d think that I was being too loud and would shut up but…no one really is paying attention to us laughing except for some of that crowd that looks like they’re “special”….and my first thought was to quiet down.

I look at Jamie and she looks at me nodding. “See…and notice how they’re the minority? We don’t have to put up with it here, we don’t have to put up with it in life either. High school is over.”

I grin and eat and I look at her. “So classes today?”

“Nope just out to get out, I might slide by the library to do some stuff and study some too. It’s a nice day and I brought my books and stuff.” She sighs. “I just want one of those nice fall study Sundays.”

I nod. “I’m kind of doing the same thing except I have a French class I’m taking. They barely taught decent French in school home but you need to be bilingual in any kind of good paying job.”

She nods. “I’m taking some language classes online and even doing the sleep at night tapes too. My French is pretty good since I took the immersion classes but there days learning languages is a big deal. I’m doing okay in my German and Spanish but Arabic, Japanese and Chinese are a lot harder.”

Rachel chokes on her orange juice again. “Jeeze are you a genius?”

Jamie smiles. “Not even close, I try a different one each night and stuff but I just want to maybe travel and see places and be able to talk to people or even maybe get a job as a translator.”

“A translator?” I ask because I know they exist but I never thought about who’d do it seriously.

“Yeah…most get good jobs with international companies, some get tourism jobs and some even do diplomatic stuff but they usually travel and usually pay really well.”

“Really?”

“I’ve been looking at a cruise line to get on with for the summer and its sixteen dollars an hour and a staff cabin and meals so really little overhead.”

I’m blinking…that actually fits Jamie even stewardesses would likely pick up someone multi-lingual and there’s travel and they put you up wherever you end up.

“Wow I should try something like that.”

“You should.” Jamie says. “International experience is a great thing to have on a resume.”

“I thought you wanted to be an artist?” Rachel says.

“I do but who says I can’t be both? I want life experiences to paint, to get myself a collection built too before I even try and start my own gallery.”

“Your own gallery?” Rachel says a little shocked.

“Easier actually than trying to break into the art scene by getting into an established place without kissing ass and eating shit.”

I look at her. “You sound so together, like you have a plan.”

Jamie gets up. “Nope just things I want to do. I’m just being me no matter what and if people like me fine, if not fine too it’s a big world.”

“I like you.” I say it without thinking.

She smiles at me. “Thanks Emily I like you too.”

“You doing anything tonight?” I can’t believe I’m doing this but I want more Jamie. And I’m going for what I want.

“No plans, a friend might be coming home from being away but I have no plans set in stone.”

I bite my lip. “You want to do something tonight?”

“Are you asking me out on a date?”

I blush. “Yes.” I’m squeezing my hands so hard I can feel my rings digging in.

“I’d love to. How should I dress?”

“I never thought that far ahead….”

Jamie smiles and she leans down and kisses me softly and really nicely and I feel that happy yay girly boner starting. Yeah it’s that good a kiss and she’s that hot. Lesbian stuff or not…I’m not the girl that gets a kiss like that much less in public.

She breaks the kiss and tastes her lips and that settles it for me being aroused. No one in my life has done that and I…I love the way that feels.

“You have my number call me when you know. Rachel it was really sweet to meet you hopefully we’ll do this all again sometime.”

Rachel just nods and Jamie leaves moving with that sexy sway and I’m noticing looks. The nasty bitchy people and some of the hard core lesbian crowd are checking us out.

Rachel takes Jamie’s seat. “Shit…you just les-kissed in public.”

“I know, I mean it wasn’t like a heavy duty kiss but wow.”

“Your nipples are showing through your bra y’know.”

“I know…and yow…more.”

“More…?”

“Rachel…I asked someone out.”

“Yeah that was pretty rocking, that took some guts.”

“I know…and I have no idea what we’re going to do.”

“Shit…right, you asked her.”

“Yeah…” I can’t help it but I’m grinning. “So what do I do?”

Rachel grins. “To quote Jamie what you want to do.”

I finish with a sigh. “I’ll have to think about that. I have to get to class. See you after?”

“Yeah I’ll be over at the student union most likely.”

I leave with my things and drop off my tray then head to class. What kind of date do two girls do together on a Sunday night?

And then there’s the sexual thing.

I’m really turned on and a very big part of me wants to be the “Bad girl” and sleep with Jamie.

It’s scary and powerful since I’ve never been in sleeping distance of someone I really liked before.

I so don’t know what to do.

** Chapter 44**

*Alex………….

It’s outside the life I know and that’s kind of the point. I pay for the movies that we rented and we head out and stop at a grocery store one of the chain places because it’d cheaper and we go it and get snacks.

I’ve never seen anyone actually but ramen noodle cups as a snack before? And that mock crab stuff and a bag of coleslaw mix and another of that broccoli slaw mix and some mushrooms.

We head back to the house and up to their room and I look at them both. “Girls…thanks so much for this it really helps.”

Tara hugs me. “Hey break ups suck, and they hurt like hell.”

“It’s my first.”

She hugs me again. “Oh honey.”

I end up sniffing. “I really want this y’know, tonight being one of the girls. It means a whole lot right now.”

Penny looks over at me. “Hey, its okay friends are friends.”

“I might just have even less of those once I come out.”

They both look at me before Tara hugs me again. This time I hug her back and it feels good.

We start to watch movies and I’m snuggling into blankets with the girls as we watch DVD’s on Penny’s X-box and we make munchies.

Okay this one’s new on me but you take shrimp flavored ramen cups and you put into them some of the veggie mixes, the broccoli slaw and coleslaw about a good rounded fork full of each and then the hot water after you let it stand you take the imitation crab stuff and break it into the noodle broth and it gets the flavor of the soup mix added to it.

We go heavy on all the toppings but doing this you could feed like six people of just the stuff in the packages added to the noodle cups.

Okay it’s so not fancy food it’s dorm food but that’s almost the point and Penny who seems to know lots of oriental stuff actually teaches me how to use chopsticks.

No actually I didn’t know the only Chinese place for me growing up was another town over and actually had knives and forks because they were a small town too.

I get noodle juice all over me and that’s like half the fun I guess and we actually do have a lot of fun watching the movies and trying to teach Tara just what makes a classic movie a cult classic movie and we even end up doing our hair and makeovers and stuff some while we’re watching the chick flicks.

Tara is over the moon at showing me more and getting to play even more Barbie and dress up with me while Penny mostly watches.

Okay one thing that sets me off giggling a lot is a couple of times someone would go by their room and go.

(Knock, Knock, Knock.) “Penny.”

I can’t help it I giggle and Penny gets this look on her face and if a human could go flat eared cat mad she was doing it. Oddly enough it didn’t bother Tara who was giggling because I was giggling and that was a lot of fun.

Penny’s mood improves as we watch The Princess Bride and her and I are as bad as any Monty python fans are for rabid quoting.

I mean seriously it was like we were reciting the movie. I’m not a big geek or geekette kind of borderline that and being a jock and stuff but I am a movie freak.

Not even a lot of my friends liked them as much as I did back home and having someone to shout. “Inconceivable!” with and I think Tara still had fun because we were having fun.

I will say that Penny becomes a different girl when she’s having a good time. It’s like you can see this amazingly good looking girl there hidden away under her layers of clothes and gamer posture and very well executed plain Jane.

It makes me wonder why a girl as pretty actually as beautiful as she is would hide it under wraps? But then again I’m not a pretty girl…not like her and I can tell that she has been one of the better looking girls since she was a young teenager.

So what if you were a geekette right up until then?

Would you not like the whole morphing into a princess thing? I knew girls that did in school a couple of them and they went right into the whole pretty girl social network thing.

Penny does seem different.

It gets late and we slip through the house before crashing and we out up flyers for this afternoon for everyone in the house to come to the main living room if they could at six thirty in the evening so like just after supper.

I’m really nervous doing this and doing the clenching my hands in my sleeves thing and feeling jittery doing it and then…Then I’m staring at my door.

Tara leans over to me. “You want to bunk with us tonight?”

I look at her. “You wouldn’t mind?”

“No, you don’t seem to be really ready to see Jeff right now.”

“I’m not.”

Penny looks at me. “So…roommate was the BF?”

I blink at her then slowly nod. “Yeah but I wanted to give him an out before I came out to everyone.”

She nods. “Okay, you’re bunking with us tonight.”

“You girls won’t mind?”

Penny shrugs. “Doesn’t matter to me, I’m cool with it.”

Tara nods.

I let them lead me back to their room. I’m not sure about this because well I have a…well you know still and…

“Uhm…it still works you guys and sometimes it still will…”

Penny opens the covers on her bed inviting me in. “Well I won’t be bugged by that happening heck I wake up that way too sometimes.”

“You do?”

“Heck yeah so no worries okay? I don’t hump you and you don’t hump me.”

Tara giggles. “You two start and I wanna watch!”

I’m blushing but I get ready for bed and it takes awhile for me to get to sleep and settle down. I’m not used to actually sleeping with a girl and stuff and I’m really nervous about Sunday and I think I tossed and turned a bit until I feel Penny’s arms circle around me and she hugs me.

Okay she’s pretty strong for a girl. I mean…no she’s pretty strong and it feels nice and I actually drift off once I’m being held.

……………………………………..Morning comes early for me and my phone wakes me up and it’s set to vibrate and I look at it blearily. It’s Jamie texting me.

[Morning you up for going out for a run?]

[Not really but I will, wait it’s Sunday isn’t Sasha busy?]

[She is but I still go. Run, park yoga and a swim?]

[Sigh. Yes.] And yes I texted the sigh part.

[See you at the coffee kiosk.]

[Get me a macha.]

[KK.]

I get up slowly and try not to wake the girls and I kind of fail at that and Penny and Tara are looking at me. Tara’s barely conscious and she has that look like whoa she really looks different in the waking hours and stuff and Penny looks pretty much the same as when she went to bed except for a bit of bed head.

She looks at me. “What’s up?”

“Going out with Jamie for our run and some working out.”

“On a Sunday?”

“Just about everyday actually…I need to lose weight.”

“You know working out will put muscle on right?”

“It’s not like that it’s running and yoga and swimming. It’s toning exercises….I’m not doing the guy styles of exercise anymore.”

“It work?”

I blush some and just sort of turn to show myself off the way that Sasha has taught me to pose. “The difference is that I’m going to get smaller with being on the hormones but to girl tone as I lose the muscle mass but I want the fat to kind of go where I want it too also with out getting cellulite.”

“How far?’

“Usually five miles. Do you want to come?”

Penny laughs. “Fuck that, it’s Sunday.” And she rolls over enough to go face down in my warm spot. “You go though have fun.” She says face down muffled by the pillows.

Tara taps her cheek with a finger and I kiss her on the cheek and she smiles and she slaps my butt as I leave and I carefully open my door once I’m at my room and I slip in there and look at Jeff who’s asleep like…well.

I bite my lip and I get my things and I go and get a quick shower and a lotion and take my pills and vitamins and make sure I’m clean before settling my plug into place…it’s painful relief. I missed being filled and feeling it inside of me and it’s big and it hurts at first but in a good way.

I get dressed the rest of the way and just a little bit of make-up that’s water resistant for sweating.

A girl can still look a little bit good even when she’s going to be a sweaty mess.

I’m used to the feeling inside me as I get finished getting ready and the trick is to relax…to use the width inside as the point of where to sway and roll my hips and get that female gait going until it’s first nature to me. I want that too…I want that thing that some girls have that they just know how to do and that’s sway and move rhythmically almost hypnotically.

I know, I know I sound vain as it gets but I really have this part of me that craves being appealing and sexy and graceful.

The feeling turns into just that by the time that I leave and I meet up with Jamie at the coffee kiosk on campus and she smiles when she see’s me and she passes me a hot macha green tea.

She looks at me, her head tilts her pony tail just right and she’s…Jamie is stunning…she’s had work done and hormones and stuff and she works really hard at being who she wants to be and she shines for that.

And to top it all off she’s giving me this caring sisterly look that makes her just…well she’s Jamie.

I could so easily fall for her if it came to that.

I want those looks that she’s getting in her running gear…nothing overdone, nothing out of place and you can’t even tell that she’s not a genetic woman. I can’t tell and we’re lovers, there’s a good number of folks looking at her this morning and trying to get their heads around what they know.

“Alex are you okay?”

“Yes and no…I’m telling everyone in the house tonight about myself.”

“Oh…are you going to be alright?”

“I don’t know but I think so…I’ve made some friends and they’re pretty cool and are going to stick by me.”

“And Jeff?”

“I gave him an out; he doesn’t have to get caught up in all of this when I come out.”

“Good, if he really wants to be there and to be with you he will be or he won’t be Alex. At least this way you’re the one being straight up and giving him a way to bow out before this explodes because of the bigots and you have a hard time.”

“Really…? I…I miss him already Jamie.”

“I know sweetie, but you’re better off letting him go now then later when he decides that he can do something violent to shut you up.”

“Jeff wouldn’t do that.”

“You never know what shitty things a person might do to comfort to the social bullshit they put over plain feelings.”

I sigh and we hug again. Jamie smiles. “C’mon I’ll take your mind off of Jeff.”

We walk for awhile drinking our tea and it’s actually a whole bunch of stair climbing its really good for the butt. And watching Jamie…I’m just…she looks that good she’s making me feel very naughty and then there’s her smell.

Opium perfume, the same scent as Sasha wears and that almost brings up these scent related autonomic feelings. That scent on a woman will always be hyper erotic to me.

Once we’re done our teas we start to jog and go from a jog to a run and then a jog again as she takes us all over out usual route that we run with Sasha all to way to one of the parks where they are having a free come as you are or all prepared sort of yoga class.

I was never really into this stuff before and it was all kinds of hooey to me really but breathing and moving and learning and feeling about my body and myself and it really helps me. Once you get into even doing some of that Yoga stuff I guess it really helps like I said I’m not that into all that stuff but I just kind of go with it and I do sort of believe in like meditation and stuff so all those breathing things really help me shed off a bunch of anxiety and stuff.

It’s also kind of very nice that the people that come to this place are all pretty varied but they’re all very mello and stuff and they have no problem with me being me or Jamie either actually there’s another T-woman there by the name of Pauline there with her wife who’s helping her with her transition and staying beside her.

Kind of gives me hope for my own future and stuff that there are people like her are out there.

We all talk for a few minutes before Jamie and I head off to the gym where we’re members at and it’s open…yeah this early and on a Sunday this is Vancouver after all and it’s a very gym rat kind of place.

I actually like Seasons…it’s our gym and it’s got the full rainbow triangle logo on the doors with some rainbow leaves too and it’s fully open to regular people but it’s mainly a LGBTQI type of gym.

And one of the best things here is they have body shape specialists that actually work with overweight folks here trying and TG people whether going male or female.

It’s a very non-judgment place here.

I do frown getting there because the plate glass is spider webbed and fags is spray painted on the side of the wall here.

Being an LGBTQI friendly place makes you a target for the bigots…even as good as Vancouver tends to be about different people there are always assholes and rednecks.

There’s a water jug. For donations to paint, the paint isn’t covered by their insurance according to a sign they have taped to it. I’m not well off but I’m not broke so I put a ten in and Jamie put’s in a twenty.

Sometimes you just have to give back.

Okay it’s swimming after we get in and get changed and Jamie is hard to keep up with in the water. I’m not bad actually I’m about as fast as Sasha but Jamie had a pool at her high school and was on the swim team in her junior school years before she I guess went all metal head?

So hard to see her like that.

We do about twenty laps and I’m tuckered out while she’s talking and treading water for awhile until I finish and then we both head to the showers.

The showers here are stalls so everyone has some privacy and that sometimes leads to sex. There’s two women there sort of helping to dry each other off and they have that look of a post sexual glow to them.

I’m entertaining the thought when Jamie takes my hand and leads me to a stall by my fingers.

Then it’s soap and shampooing each other then kissing and touching and she pays such careful attention to my pre-budding breasts…I return the favor and once she’s hard I slip down and take Jamie’s click into my mouth.

God I needed this, me and Jeff and stuff it’s just what I really needed was to forget it all for awhile and be me…cocksucker and all. I’m actually a little greedy and fevered at first with her hot hard length of her click in my hand and in my mouth.

There’s really nothing that I can say in my defense about doing this I love it. It makes me feel sexy and sweet in a naughty way and powerful all at the same time. I love the way Jamie tastes and especially when she cums.

She cums too like Sasha…trying for this release and then holing back or trying to even as she’s having an orgasm to prolong it. The end result is a very pleasurable one for them and maybe a bit painful too trying that but for me a nicely manageable time to drink down and tastes all she has to offer.

She helps me up and rinses my hair and she turns her back to me and has her hand on my click and is guiding me to her.

I sink in easily as she exhales with a moan and a sweet sigh. “Oh Alex…I really, really wanted this…I wanted you inside of me all morning.”

“Oh shit Jamie this feels so good, you are so good.” I feel her tighten around me once I’m all the way in and just for a second I stay there before I pull back feeling all those tight muscles squeezing my click then she relaxes as I sink in again. “You haven’t been with anyone this weekend?”

“No…Jax is still out on the boat and Ian’s coming back from his job sometime tonight I think…no lover this weekend and I really, really wanted something inside me since last night.”

“I was thinking about going all the way…maybe transitioning…”

(Gasp-breathy-moan.) “Why? Do you really want it?”

“I don’t know…it’s just…”

“Jeff…you had a steady and you were wondering… (Yum-moan.)…wondering if you going all the way and maybe even stealth might be better…oh fuck yes harder Alex.”

“I…yeah…have you thought of it too…?”

“Nope…I love what I am…I don’t want to change…I don’t have to…”

“But guys…?”

“There are lot’s of men that prefer women like us…and I like using my…”

“Your Click?”

“Click?”

“Yeah…I read the term…clitty and dick…so we have a click.”

“Oh…well yeah I like that and I like sinking into someone…I like sinking into you…I am so going to sink into you Alex…”

The feelings of her magically massaging insides and then the thought of her inside of me with her hardness and heat sliding away as she fucks my b-spot inside until I’m shivery and breathless takes me right over the edge.

“Oh…please…Please Jamie I need you too.”

“Uhhnnn…god I love that big click of your’s Alex…”

I hug her…doing little pushes into her as she uses her muscles inside to pull me dry inside of her and I smile…okay the jury might still be out on transitioning…I kind of really like what I’m doing right now.

I pull out and she does this slippery soapy turn around in my arms and we kiss deeply…lovers and friends and she lays me down in the shower floor and the hot water is hitting her but running off like she’s over me and protecting me from the storm…very awesome and romantic and my heart cries out as Jamie sinks into my depths and I exhale and do this sexy breathy moan as I relax my insides and let her sink into me.

Three…four strokes and I am right there loving the heat and the hardness and wrapping my legs around her waist and letting go all the stuff that’s been bugging me…surrender to Jamie and let her set the pace and the rhythm and soon I’m going with it…clenching and relaxing rolling in time to her thrusts and starting to whimper and bite my lower lip and cry out as she repeatedly touches and loves and caresses my boy spot until that’s all I want to feel…Jamie fucking me until I cum and then…then the best yet.

When I do my whole body shakes and I clench around her involuntarily so hard as I’m getting off it feels like she’s molded to my core and I fill with heat and her and…it’s so orgasmic and hot and for as long as I’m like that those few seconds I’m one with her.

It is so one of those seeing stars orgasms.

Jamie took a little blue friend I think because she kisses me and sucks on my chest and in short order she’s ready again and she rolls me over onto my hands and knees and she repeats my pleasure…and actually harder…as hard as I’m shouting for it.

When we’re done we hear some clapping from some ladies out in the changing area and a lot of giggles.

Like I said this place while a safe place it’s not exactly shy of hook ups either.

I’m smiling and blushing after and getting dressed and feeling so much better even if my knees are a bit sore from the shower floor.

We kiss and I head for downtown to see some of Vancouver’s yard sales and Sunday traffic and Jamie’s headed off to campus for breakfast and to study.

**Jamie…………

It’s been a very decent morning I woke up early with the sun shining in really brightly enough to wake me up and I made a single cup of coffee and took a shower and got ready to go and do some exercises.

Sasha was doing her weekends off thing from Alex and me so she wasn’t available so I did my dishes and I tossed my bedding in the washer and changed my sheets and made the bed and just some light housework while thinking about what I wanted to do today.

So I ended up calling Alex and going off for an unscheduled bit of a morning work out. Well for her I’m kind of getting semi religious about it and once she agreed I slipped into my workout gear and went to meet her at campus.

I was pretty early so I slipped into the gym and did a half hour of weights for a change. Butterfly presses are good for the girls I’ve heard so I did some reps on them and some leg lifts…actually on the squat press.

Squats are a proven way to tone the bum. All the work out girls are into doing that and the step climber machines are always busy.

Then it was Tea and walking and then our full run and then heading to the par for the free yoga class. It’s one of the great things that you can find in Vancouver. On a nice day there is a few of these or even a tai-chi class that’s free and you can just walk into.

Then off to our gym for some swimming…and well…Alex time was fun…she really is a great girl and while I’ve never really entertained the idea of transitioning fully I can see where she was into a guy where doing that and going stealth might be appealing to some people.

Me…I’m good with my relationships.

My relationships are good with me.

And once Alex and I parted ways I went home and changed and hug out my washing and got my shoulder bag and stuff and went off to campus for a late breakfast. Tennish, does Tennish equal brunch? It had a very brunchy feel with my second tea and a nice start on some food.

Seeing and having Emily was a plus too, oh and her friend Rachel. I was kind of yay about her tattoos. I’m an artist and she had some serious ink going on two full sleeves and some others for sure and she laid out some cash for them too. They were all really clear and well drawn and had nice color and she seemed to sort of plan what she got done. I dislike sloppy looking tattoos.

I’m never going to get any really they’re too permanent but I do like them.

I think Emily was pleasantly surprised by the kisses too and the stuff that we talked about.

I’m a very, very frank woman.

Though I was pleasantly surprised at being asked out by her myself.

It’s always a nice feeling when that happens.

I head out to the library and I spend a nice part of the morning until just past lunch there doing some research. I am into oils and there’s some I want to study up on I like Chagall he has an impressive way with colors particularly darker shadings. *Evening at the window* has a wonderful worked blur that almost lends itself to waning light like you’d see in the sky as the blue changes before twilight sets in.

I like Monet too, Impressionism has a strong appeal to me with that way of capturing light and movement to look at water painted in these delicate brush strokes and be able to see the play between light and water or the way the eaves seem to dance in the air from a tree in autumn because you can see the strokes in the rendition of the sky/air in the background not just filling in the picture but showing movement too.

It’s really a tricky thing to do to make a painting look like something while making it look like it’s doing something and not doing something at the same time.

You’re supposed to get the wind is there but not see actual strokes that obviously show the wind is there.

I am in awe of the way that it’s wet painted. Wet paint over wet paint to soften lines and provide depth and illusion.

I read and write and I’m doing a paper or rather giving my comparisons on several different paintings and how the style itself changed and progressed between artists before post-impressionism came along.

Actually I save images from one of the painting archives that the library has online and save them to my laptop and I spend lunch with a Croc Messieur and a scone in the quad with a large cup of good coffee and a brownie with caramel drizzle and sea salt on the top while I sit in a sheltered sunny spot and type away and listen to my Japanese lessons on my I-pod.

It’s going really good too and I’m doing it all…a nice cover of four of the pictures I use for my paper and room for a title and my name and I include a source page and I go through and edit it twice. No chat speak, no abbreviations and I keep it simple but still technical.

I do copy some of my opinions on this paper and I do another few pages of modern impressionist artists echoing that style and the inclusion of them into digital art programs and have samples of art and artist for that and their links to their artist pages and sites.

I’m actually still a nerd in a way…I am good with my computer but not an expert, I’m a fast typist and while I played a lot of computer games I was really into art on line and still have accounts on DA and some stuff still out there on LJ.

Yes I know most people like Blogger more I’ve just never really gotten around to using that yet but I do Face book and Tweet some. Twitter is actually good for my shop because I can post stuff like new outfits or stuff and sales and people will show up. I actually have like over a hundred some followers on it.

There was more but they filtered off once people figured out that I wasn’t going to tweet or even FB post about me gender status or my sexual activity. Also…I don’t post selfies on my wall and I will never…ever…duck face.

All my pictures I have of me are actual pictures taken by other people. Though I am guilty of posting some of my meals though if they’re really yummy.

Like my brownie.

But by the time I’m done writing it’s mid afternoon and my papers are done for Art History and Art Theory are done.

It’s a nice feeling with all the accomplishments and stuff so after that’s done and e-mailed off to my professors in-boxes I head off to home and get some of the records that I had bought at the yard sales and go down to my shop and play around with my sewing listening to Big Country…and no they’re not a country band.

I’m there a couple of hours and I’ve sewn together a new purse with what was left of this old red maple colored ladies leather coat and four short skirts. I actually sell a lot of skirts if their fun and flirty then they actually sell really good.

My phone rings and I answer it. “Hello?”

“Jamie? Uhm it’s Emily.”

“Hi, I was waiting for your call.”

“You were?”

“Yes, I was really hoping you’d call about us going out.”

“You were?”

“Yes I was.” I can’t help but laugh a little she seems so eager and so surprised by this.

“Oh okay…I…I’m sorry I really haven’t come up with anything like for a date. I’m kind of broke.”

“That’s okay…Emily?”

“Yes?”

“Will you go out with me tonight?”

“Jamie…”

“If I ask you I can take you out and money won’t be a big deal.”

“Why are you rich?”

“Not even close but I have really cheap rent and I have a job.”

“Oh…so what do you do?”

“I run a thrift boutique.”

“You run your own business…”

“Well it’s just kind of a small part of the house I’m living in.”

“Oh…so…”

“Let me pick you up and we can go out.”

“Actually…could I come over and see it?”

“See what?” I ask it a little coyly and I can feel her turning red on the other end.

“Your store.”

“Oh okay, here’s my address.” I give her the address and “I’ll see you when you get here.”

“Uhm…okay…”

We hang up and I’m smiling and I’m actually weighing the chances of Emily wanting to come over for more than just seeing the store. I take pictures of the new stock and post them up on my site and on Twitter and I slip upstairs and I change.

Nice underwear something slinky and lacy and pink from my Jessica stuff a quick wash up and then I slip into a pair of jeans that look good on me and a v-necked black top that have enough in the cleavage area that it shows off my breasts and short enough that it shows of my middle a little.

A few dabs of perfume and some brushing of my hair to get it awake as it were and shiny and my ballet flats and I’m back downstairs and I sit with my sketch pads and my kit and work on the idea of a painting or two that I want to do and put my Chinese lessons on from my i-pod and just kill some time until I see Emily coming to the door of my shop.

I take out the ear buds and open the door for her.

“Hi?”

She looks really nice and she’s wearing a nice outfit this demi sleeved grey tunic with an almost tattoo looking design of thorns and roses on the sleeves and she had a brown faux leather skirt on with it and the tunic hangs down to cover part of it but a belt breaks up the body line.

Her hair is really nice looking and she has it loose with some wave to it and her make up is light but done really nice.

She smiles and tucks her head. “Hi.”

Shy girls are really kind of sexy.

“You look great.”

“I do?”

“You do.”

“You look great too.”

“Thank you I wanted to be casual looking for when you showed up but sexy too.”

She blinks.

No games, Yes I might be breaking some rule but I dressed this way for her to see me looking casual and sexy. Plus I actually like to do that is a bonus too for me.

It’s just people rarely admit to that stuff.

“You got dressed up for me?”

“Uhm…yes, you’re worth it Emily.” I take her hand and lead her into the shop and smile as she takes it all in.

My shop is called Jamie’s and it has a handmade sign out on the outside and a smaller one out on the street by the fence. It’s actually the downstairs of my place and in the back part of Ian’s huge house. The main part of it is this glassed in sun porch and the room beyond and I have a bathroom and a closet that I’ve made into the changing room.

I put art on the walls, some is just basic stuff but some of it is my hand painted record album covers. Those are just paint on cardboard with cheap frames but they’re the same size as the original record would be but just a painted version of it.

They’re all for sale at seventy dollars each and I do sell one every once in awhile I know it sounds steep but it’s time and labor and materials. And I’m actually not paying myself when that’s factored into it much more than minimum wage.

I have a corner rack for other paintings that I want to sell and then there are some tables along one wall with the records that I have for sale. The other side of the place is a long set of racks with dividers for my clothes and I have and sort of long thin table going down the middle with a lot of my signature stuff and all the jewelry is behind the counter and some shelves where I sell some other art like sculptures and stuff.

“Oh wow…Jamie…this is…you sew?” She asks seeing my sewing machine there at the counter and some of the leftover bits of things.

“I do, though I’m not really trained it’s kind of something I’ve picked up.”

“I forgot the few months of it that we did in grade seven home Ec.”

“Sasha taught me as a good way for altering clothes and I liked it so I actually started doing that altering clothes on the cheap for people and repair work which we still do.”

“You do? Wow…I feel so lazy compared to you.”

“I really wasn’t planning on doing it. It was just a fast way to make money on my own time and not work for someone else. Everything else here we’ll I left home as soon as I graduated school and was out here before the end of June.”

“Still…you’re so together.”

“Honestly I’m really lucky and Sasha’s more than a huge help…she’s a lover and a teacher and she helps keep me focused.”

“She sounds intimidating to a girl like me.”

“No…she’s a sweet person just really sure of herself and her life and she’s done a lot with it and with me and with Alex and the other people she knows she actually helps.”

“Helps?”

“Like the shop I had the idea and I told her about them and she told me how to do it…she didn’t do it for me but at the same time she would keep on me about the place…like she’d weave it into our conversations and stuff…she kept me interested and from getting scared and from slacking off. She thinks that I don’t know all the stuff that she’s helped me with as a person but I do. And honestly having a mentor really helps.”

She’s looking at me and I like the way that she is doing it there’s just this something nice there.

“So…are you ready for our second date?”

She blushes. “Uhm…okay what are we doing?’

I start shutting the lights off and get my purse and my coat and the offer her my arm. “You like games?”

“Like an arcade?”

“Sort of but better.”

“Better?”

“You’ll see, you like Sushi?”

“I’ve never had it but I’ve always wanted to try it.”

“Good first the pachinko arcade then Sushi.”

I offer and she takes my arm and then looks at me. “What’s pachinko?”