"Think Like A Woman"

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“Think Like A woman “
By Julie D Cole

Woman-boss-372_226_0.jpg

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Imagine if you'd been a successful male executive who had upset his female staff by his attitude towards women and particularly to one who had the power to change things each Halloween. Imagine if you had 12 months to realise your weaknesses and that you had just one way of changing back or the change that took place would become permanent.
Imagine if you had to find the answer to a mathematical puzzle to be given that chance but as a man you'd been taught that it wasn't possible to give more than 100% or to achieve more than 100%.
Imagine that as a man you'd promoted people based on the way they sucked up to you and that the best positions were therefore filled by men. Imagine what it would be like if you'd demoted several key people because of their sex and because they didn't suck up to you or that they weren't pin-ups.
Could you change your way of thinking and accept that a woman could take a key position in your absence and turn out to be smarter than any of the men but that she knew who you really were.
Can you believe that there was a solution and that this woman knew a mathematical way of assessing true capability and value and therefore selected a much better team.
Could you change your way of thinking to find the answer and be a better man afterwards?
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I

“That was a hell of a day. I hate her. She’s a complete bitch and I hope she goes to hell even if we never get out of this punishment. I don’t know how people like her ever get to such management positions. I was never so unfair when I was in charge was I?’’

“Maybe not but you weren’t very fair to us women. Now you know what it feels like to be lower class with no right to have opinions. At least Sue stands up for us girls and she managed to get onto the Board through hard work and whatever she had to do and if she upset a few people on the way so what? “

“Yes but she’s not exactly a womans woman is she? She seemed to suck up to anybody to get onto the Corporate ladder and now she’s there she looks down on all of us. “

“No she doesn’t she’s just smart and some think she slept her way to this position but she didn’t. She puts in 110% effort.”

“Don’t be silly you can’t put in more than 100% that’s a womans thinking. “

“Well youre a woman now so why aren’t you thinking like that? ‘”

“I’m not a woman this is temporary. I’ll get out of this curse and these blasted high heel shoes if it’s the last thing I do.”

“Well it’s almost 12 months now since last Halloween and you didn’t manage to find the answer to the riddle yet. You know if we get to 31st October and still no answer that’s it forever. You’ll have no choice but to give in. You were stupid to get drunk and shout your mouth off like you did. We haven’t had sex for 11 months and I can’t wait any longer. If you don’t find the answer to the riddle you’ll be history as far as I’m concerned. “

“Look Jenny don’t give up on me please. We can do it. We still have time and I do appreciate all that you’ve done for me but I wasn’t cut out for standing by a make-up counter all day looking nice. Who cares how beautiful I look it’s murder on the feet. All I want to do when I get home is throw off thse stupid heels strip off the skirt and bra and dive into a nice bath. There is no fun in eating or drinking wine when I’m expected to stay slim and look hot to attract customers. Who on earth decided to punish women with a monthly cycle should be hung drawn and quartered.”

“Well you had no sympathy when you were a man if you recall. You just said I was making any old excuse if your dick was erect and I might as well been a pillow for all the attention I got. In and out and to hell with it. Sometimes I wanted to scream.”

“Look don’t be like that please. I promise I’ll be a better man if you help me. I’ll take you somewhere beautiful and pamper and spoil you until you are fed up. Just help me please.”

“Well I can help but you never rated Alice. You didn’t like her as our accountant and you demoted her to assistant gofer and promoted any ass licking person who came along. They just had to be male or beautiful.”

“OK OK if I get back to being President I promise I’ll get rid of these pratts who do nothing all day. I’ve learned a lot whilst I’ve been on the floor. It’s as if I never existed. How did she do it and where did she go?”

“She is a witch and she only has the magic once a year on Halloween. “

“But where is she? I never saw her since I insulted her last year.”

“She is ‘Wendy the toilet cleaner if you really want to know and you are still too stuck up to speak even as you are now.”

“You mean that old hag that mops out each day. She needs a good scrub.”

“Yes she is old but she has been with the Company since it first started business. She was the CEO’s secretary but was passed over for a young dolly bird and she just went down and down after that. Whatever she tried to do to recover her position she was ignored because as you once said ‘she is an old witch.”

“Well I’m afraid that once a year she is.”

“My God. I’m stuck then. I can’t ever see me being forgiven by her.”

Not so. She has no choice she has to honor the promise. If you solve the riddle you are free of the curse.”

“OK then let’s find Alice.”

“It’s no good us finding her if you don’t recognize her skills and overlook the fact that she is a woman.”

“OK I promise I’ll not be like that any more. Can’t we go see her? “

“We can’t see her yet because we are working until 9pm. Remember you decided to implement the longer working week and insisted we wear high heels and tight skirts to attract late night customers who might be distracted enough so they didn’t realize the high costs for perfumes. “

“OK so I did but everybody makes mistakes. I’m in a real mess now. What do we do?”

“We can meet her after work and have a foot massage and manicure together.”

“Foot massage? Manicure? Not in the same water I hope. My God whatever next”? I’d rather have a full body massage like I used to do. At least it’s value for money.”
“Not much point with nothing between your legs anymore is there?

“I suppose not but girls find a way don’t they. Seems they have more fun sometimes from what I’ve heard these last 10 months. Anyway I guess I am stuck so I’ll just have to stay quiet and leave everything to you.”

“Sorry but you need to do this yourself. Remember what you said it is impossible for anybody to give more than 100%.”

“Well it is impossible. Isn’t it?”

“Let’s see.”

“Mmm, I guess I never expected a foot massage to be so wonderful. I almost forgot the reason for meeting Alice as nice as she was. “

“She understood my problem immediately and said I had to tackle the problem logically like a woman. “

So with pen and paper in hand I followed her instructions.

‘What makes up 100% in life?’

“I don’t know. Giving everything you can until you reach your limit I suppose.”

“Yes but can we solve this through mathematics?

“” No we can’t.

“” Yes we can if we think logically like a woman.”

“Ok I’ll try my best. But it’s been a difficult year so far and some days I just don’t like to think. “

“OK let’s start. Now if:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
OK I follow. That’s easy. 26 letters of the alphabet and 26 consecutive numbers. A=1 to Z =26. I follow.
OK then if we spell out a word calculate the %.
OK what word?

Try H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K That’s what us women do all day every day.
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 =
98%

OK I see.

Now try again.K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

Still not 100%.

No but try A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5
= 100%

“Oh yes so if we have the right attitude that means we can reach 100% but still no answer since that’s the limit. As I said 100% is the maximum See?.”
“Crap. Just try again with B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T”
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20
= 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+
14+7 = 118%

“I see.

“” Yes so,now we can conclude with mathematical certainty, that whilst Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, its the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top. “

“All very well but how do I prove it ?”

“Well Miss I’m afraid that if you want to get back to your life as a man you are going to have to admit that the only way to get to the top is to put in more than 100% every day.”

Things were getting a bit too much by now.

“MMM this foot spa is so nice. I think that the heels and the tight skirt aren’t so bad. I can answer the riddle thanks to you but why do I want to be surrounded by such people. Maybe I could get used to this life and improve my attitude and work hard. 100% is OK isn’t it?

“” Well for most of is it is but you need to make your mind up soon if you are going to meet Wendy this Halloween and answer the riddle.”

“Yes I would but I’m not sure if I have anything to wear and anyway we are working until 9pm and then doing a stock take. I’m not going to the Company dance unless old ass licker lets us finish early so I can go home and change. I will need to have my hair done as well. ”

“Now I got you thinking like a woman. So you are halfway there."

"Well the trouble is now I'm confused. Sometimes thinking like a woman introduces so many other things we have to consider and now I completely forgot what we were talking about and what I was trying to do. "

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Comments

Maybe not a riddle

in the true sense. It was only meant as a bit of fun so maybe it was a puzzle rather than a riddle.
Hugs

Jules

Scuse'

Andrea Lena's picture
M E R I V I G L I O S O =

13 + 5 + 18 + 9 + 22 + 9 + 7 + 12 + 9 + 15+ 19 + 15 = 153% Graci!

  

To be alive is to be vulnerable. Madeleine L'Engle
Love, Andrea Lena

I'm

Confused as well mew... I don't understand what happened. This feels like a middle of a story because there is no beginning or no end O_O?

I know who I am, I am me, and I like me ^^
Transgender, Gamer, Little, Princess, Therian and proud :D

I just cut to the chase

and focused on the conversation related to the problem and how he got into the predicament and how he could get out of it. No beginning just a look back. No final conclusion just left to the reader. He had started to think like a woman. Maybe he wouldn't want to go back or maybe he would take too long to decide.
I tried to keep the story short since it was an entry to the Halloween competition. Just a bit of fun rather than a serious attempt against the Class 1 authors. Also I can't see Tanya being beaten. Maybe the joke was lost but Drea seemed to get it. But then I can never fool her.
This is the problem with writing late in the evening.
I'll have to get up early in a morning next time.

Jules

Think and being open to...

Other ideas, thinking about others and thinking more about the journey instead of an absolute goal. He's now getting distracted from his previous goal.

JessieC

Jessica E. Connors

Jessica Connors

Jules Dear....

When it comes to writing, your not only a "Gem", but an actual "Gemologist"! (110%) Giggles Taarpa

Ps. Riddle solved!!(get it,110%)LOL.

True Happiness


H A P P I N E S S
8 + 1 + 16 + 16 + 9 + 14 + 5 + 19 + 19

At 107% is not bad
20 18 21 5 and another 84 true(ly) being happy

191% beat them all, lol.
Yay TRUE HAPPINESS

growingup.jpg
"Sometimes you need a little space to grow up or start over"- Me

I think

I got part of it, but only sorta kinda! Men tend to be logical problem solvers. The puzzle however requires for you to use the other part of your brain where you feel; where intuitive leaps go where logic can't.

Hugs
Grover

I've seen this

Diesel Driver's picture

I've seen this before but not integrated into a story. Very clever. I enjoyed it. Somehow I don't think she's going to be going back to being "he" when the time comes. She doesn't have to does she?

Women have such nice cloths. Imagine the flak a man would get if he wore a satin shirt to work.

Chris