Masks Chapter 28

*Before…

It takes me a minute to even get what she’s going on about until I realize she’s comparing me to Chi-Chi from *To Wong Foo* That’s actually a pretty rocking movie even if it’s really kind of T-meets Hollywood.

I think Amber gets it next because she’s laughing and the Mary Jane too and she starts to explain it to the others which is just hard since not many have seen it and stuff and we still have a good laugh and yell out. “Awwwww!!!” At Randy and Sarah as they have this whole smooch moment on the bleachers.

Yeah that could’ve been me…maybe and I’m still not sure if that’s what I want or I’m even ready for but here with my friends and starting the clean-up and me flush with all my princess points I’m pretty happy for now.

*And Now…

You know that you’re really a girl too I think when you get cold when guys don’t get cold. My costume’s kind of chilly actually and I’m rubbing my arms a little as I’m helping to clean things up.

Yeah weird huh since I play hockey.

Well I was sort of made to play hockey…sort of.

And now I’m not so sure if I’d quit given how the guys have been.

Amanda comes over and she has a school zip front hoodie in her hands. “Here, you look cold.”

“I am it got chilly in here when all the people left.”

“I thought you played hockey.”

“I wear layers.”

She nods. “There is that. You know being chilly comes with being a girl sometimes?”

I slip it on and it has this great perfumy and more scent to it. “I know it’s a tradeoff like sore feet and pinched toes and boob-reality.”

“Boob-reality?”

“Yeah, they bounce, they ache, they sweat and get bumped into and pinched when you roll over and all that stuff that happens that a lot of the Yay boobies! People never seem to think about.”

“Sounds like you did.”

I look at Amanda and start with some of the folding chairs. “All the time, my chest hurts from the inside out from not feeling right and just wishing and….” I’m getting choked up.

She comes over and gives me a hug. “This really hurts huh?”

“GID sucks Amanda, it hurts and hurts because you know…really deep don’t you know and it’s around me all the time the stuff I can’t ever be.”

“But you’re doing it now.”

(Sniffle.) “Yeah but it’s hard…and scary.”

“Scary?”

“This isn’t full time me, not yet. A little handful of people know and that’s it.”

“We’ll stand by you Steph.”

I hug her. It’s a great thing to say. I’m not holding her to it though or saying that I’m not holding her to it. I like don’t want to insult her but I know…I’ve read about t-girls who’ve had friends and family say they were good and changed their minds.

“Thanks so much for that Amanda…but there might be a lot of people that are so not going to be thrilled by my coming out.”

She nods then her eyes get this look. “Oh shit.”

“What?” I’m looking around.

“No…I just thought Elizabitch will have a cow.”

I blink.

“That…that’s funny and scary.”

“Yeah she’d freak but she’s really, really very soapy about stuff.”

“Soapy?”

“Yeah like the cliché bad villainess from TV.”

I snerk. “Yeah okay that actually fits…bad femmevillainy after her having a cow.”

“Full-on rectal cow.”

“Eeeew Yick ‘Manda!”

We both do a shiver and then we both look at each other and start giggling like two crazy girls and Mary Jane comes over with a couple of bags of trash. “Okay what’s so funny?”

I look at amber and we both crack up again. “Cows!” I get out.

“Full-on rectal cows!” Amanda howls.

Mary Jane gets this whole Eeew face. “What the heck?”

I try to breathe and when I can. “We were just talking about the fit that Elizabitch will have when I come out.”

Mary Jane blinks a few times as it all sinks in and computes and she starts to giggle and snort. “Ohmigawd she’ll freak.”

I nod. “Especially since she’s been so wide on about dating Steven.”

Amanda looks at us because me and M.J. are laughing. “Wide on?”

M.J. grins. “Lady boner…wide on, like wide open…”

Amanda does a very unladylike snort and she giggles even more. “Oh shit, oh shit I’ve never heard of that before!”

We start to laugh and giggle as a three some and stuff which gets the other girls in the group over and asking what we’re talking about and we keep kind of talking about all this sort of dirty girl slang stuff and about sex stuff.

About what things about guys they like or in Toni’s case girls which is weird.

Mary Jane… “I like a guy that smells good but not like a walking cloud of deodordeath. But nice eyes and a nice butt is great too.”

I look at her. “I don’t get the whole girls liking a nice but thing.”

The girl’s sort of shrug. Becky says. “I dunno just is, why do guys like a nice butt?’

I’m getting looks. I shrug. “Hey don’t look at me the gay thing’s a rumor I have no idea how guys really think.”
Holly grins. “Butt-sex, guys are into the whole thought of butt sex even the straight ones.”

There’s a chorus of eeeews, me included.

Rachel grins. I heard that a guy with a nice butt is like this really good spot to rest your legs on when you have them wrapped around them.

“Rachel!” We squeal.

“What!?” she shout-laughs back at us. “I just heard that’s all.”

Holly shrugs. “Some girls like it.”

We’re all. “Eeeew who!?”

She cackles. “My cousin Amy.”

We all goggle at her mouths open.

Holly shrugs. “It’s a big thing in porn.”

Amber’s like. “Yeah but guys are the whole porn thing.”

“Hey!” Toni protests. “I watch porn too!”

We all look at her.

She grins. “I’ve seen it in lesbian stuff too so it’s like a personal preference thing and like besides it’s actually like more common to have anal sex in like the straight community than in the like LGBT one.”

I’m still like. “Nope, nope, nope and a whole lotta nope.”

They laugh at me and Holly looks at me. “Not even if you like were dating a guy and didn’t get you’re thing cut off.”

I blink and look at all of them because they’re staring at me now.

Mary Jane says. “Actually they don’t cut it off they use it to like make the inside of the vagina and use all the nerves and the other stuff to like make her girl parts.”

I turn beet red.

They all nod together and go “Ooooh…” like those aliens from Toy Story.

I wave them off while I’m mutating into tomato-girl. “Can we talk about something else!? I’m not like ready to get into all this stuff yet…I like way behind all of you girls and stuff!”

Oh…that’s so true it kinda hits me in the feels. (Sniffle.)

There’s a sudden chorus of “Awwww’s” and I’m in a group hug and that feels good, great even.

It feels so, so good to have them as support and stuff.

Dad comes in and he smiles at us. “Okay who needs a ride home?”

I look at the girls and they look at me and he actually grins at all of us. “Okay, who wants a lift home after I treat at Dairy Queen?”

Holly… “Oooh ice cream he’s such a wonderful man!”

Dad blushes and we all giggle together and we then all raise our hands. “We do!”

We pile into “The Pumpkin” and mom’s there and we are all laughing and giggling as we cram into the back of the mini-van together and I’m not the only one to Squeak. “Toni!” and she laughs this diabolical little laugh. “It’s a back of a van packed with pretty girls and you expect me to behave!?’

Amanda’s like. “Yes, don’t be a perv.”

Toni’s like. “But I am a perv!”

We all burst out laughing and we head over to Dairy Queen and we go in and order and I know that some people will say that oh girls don’t eat and stuff but we do…it’s like fries and stuff and cheese burgers. I get one because I like meat as much as anyone else sometimes and well the flame grill the burgers here which makes them taste yummy. Besides everyone else is eating them too.

You’d think that we’d all be girls about it too but well…I guess we are because it just seems so normal for us to do that. Except for Amanda and the fact she made her fries swim in a vat of ketchup.

Okay that was Yick…I like ketchup but not like that.

We get our ice creams too and Dad’s like amazing super cool because he paid for all of it. I mean that was major, I mean major dad cool and we’re all laughing and stuff climbing back into the van and Dad left it running so it’s like super nice and toasty and we start heading home to the houses of each of my friends and music starts to play over the radio and Mom turns around in her seat and she starts us up in this whole girl singing along.

I don’t know the song at first not until we get to the chorus and I’m kind of shocked because whoa my mom can actually sing…but once we hit the chorus we all chime in.

“Don’t go chasing waterfalls…”

“Please stick to the rivers
and the lakes that you’re used to…”

“I know that you’re gonna have it
your way, or nothing at all…”

“But I think you're moving too fast…”

I think that the band’s called “TLC” Now that I think about it but it’s a serious girl jam and we go from that to *Pocket full of sunshine.* By Natasha Beddingfield and them we go from that into *Lean On Me* By Club Nouveau and not like the really old version….I mean like this version with that club place is like bad enough cause it’s like parental old but it’s still kinda cool at the same time.

But it’s all like that all the way to each of the girls houses and I actually get to see where everyone lives and stuff which is really cook and stuff.

I’m yawny and sleepy by the time we’re done and heading home and I stir a bit when I feel arms slipping under and around me and picking me up.

“Daddy…?”

“Yeah Pumpkin we’re home.”

“I can get up.”

“Naw…I’ll carry you to bed.”

(Yawn.) “But Daddy…”

“Hey you get to be you and I get to be me remember and I call dad privilege.”

I blink at him still kind of full and tired and sleepy.

“You’re a really, really good daddy.”

I snuggle into his big strong dadness and I drift off feeling so magically safe. All that stuff I’ve been through til now’s so worth it.

I think I heard him whisper as he kissed the top of my hair.

“I’ll try angel, I’ll try with all I’ve got.”