Satisfaction Guaranteed

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Evan's new year starts with a visit from a very odd salesman.
briefcase.jpg
Satisfaction Guaranteed
By
Amethyst

Disclaimer: This one is all Erin's fault, she planted the idea in my mind and I couldn't concentrate on anything else until I got it out of my head. So Erin, this one's for you. My take on the Fuller Breast Man.


Evan returned home from his neighbour’s New Year’s Eve party and sat down in his comfortable old armchair in relief. It wasn’t that he had had a bad time, quite the opposite actually. Evan didn’t have family of his own anymore, except for his brother who he hardly ever saw, so it was nice to be around people for the holidays. It wasn’t even that the company was bad. No, his neighbour Drake’s family had turned out to be a lot of fun to be around even if they all were a bit strange at times. Drake himself wasn’t bad company either, in fact he would probably be Evan’s best friend if it weren’t for two things.

First there were the differences between the two of them. Drake looked to be in in his early twenties and could probably get any girl he wanted with his charm and good looks. Evan on the other hand was nearly fifty, as common as they came and had social anxiety. He had never married because of this and regretted not being able to have a family of his own. Ever since Drake had moved in next door the two of them had gotten along so well though, since they also had a lot in common.

They liked the same types of movies and books, the same types of foods, preferred cats over dogs, and a million other things that added up to them ending up spending a lot of time together. Possibly too much time together. Evan had really grown to care for Drake as a friend and he thought that Drake felt the same until the looks started, and those looks were the second problem. There were times when they were doing things together or when they’d just pass each other on the sidewalk and he would catch Drake casting longing looks in his direction. They were furtive looks barely lasting a second sometimes and at first he was sure it as his imagination, but they had persisted.

It hadn’t affected their relationship on the surface but Evan was beginning to wonder whether one of them would soon say something that would end their friendship. With a sigh he turned on the television and tried to think about something else. As luck would have it he had just the thing. He fished the scratch off lottery ticket out of his pocket and stared at it once again as he tried to decide what to do with the money once he cashed it in. He didn’t usually buy lotto tickets himself but Drake had bought it for him for Christmas since they had set a five dollar limit on gifts for one another. To his great surprise the ticket turned out to be a winner and Evan was now ten thousand dollars richer.

He must have fallen asleep in his chair because he awoke to a knocking at his front door. The clock said it was 8:30 in the morning and he wondered who it could be at this time of the morning on New Years Day. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes, made his way to the door, and opened it to reveal a man in a grey three piece suit and tie. He was a tall skinny fellow with a greasy moustache, wore an old fashioned wool cap, and had a large briefcase.

Evan barely even had the time to look the man over before he started speaking, the words flying from his mouth in a nasally voice. “Good morning Sir, allow me to introduce myself, I am Edward Kard and I represent the Fuller Potions Company, we make potions to make your life Fuller.”

“I don’t really…” Evan began to interject.

“You don’t believe in potions?” He finished for poor befuddled Evan before continuing on. “Well my good man, allow me to introduce you to the wonderful world of magnificent magical mixtures. Is your wife home good sir?”

“I’m not married,” Evan replied.

“Well then, you are in the market for a lovely little lady then I wager. Why it just so happens I have just the thing for you good sir,” the man said with a wink. “How do you like them sir? Big and beautiful or perky and small, I guarantee, I’ve got them all.”

Poor Evan was getting a bit confused by this point. “What are you talking about?”

“Tits, boobs, hooters, knockers, melons, jugs: Breasts my good man,” the man replied without pause.

“You carry breasts around with you?” Evan asked while staring at the strange man.

The man shook his head. “No my good man I carry potions. So tell me good sir, what kind of breasts would you like to see on a woman when you wake up in the morning? I am your Fuller breast man, I have perky A cups to jiggly H cups, ebony to milky white, clear skin or freckles, big or small nipples, I have everything you could want.”

Despite his confusion or perhaps because of it the question had Evan thinking. “Well I have always liked slender redheads. A nice perky C cup would be nice on a slender body, maybe pale with freckles.”

“Why I have just the thing good sir,” the salesman said with a smile as he opened his briefcase and looked through it. There were vials of various different sizes with different colored liquids inside. Finally he took a slim vial with a red liquid inside. “This should be just the thing sir. If you drink this before bed I guarantee that you’ll be looking at those beautiful breasts first thing in the morning.”

“So if I drink this then I’ll wake up with a girl who looks like what I described?” Evan asked uncertainly, his mind in a bit of a fog.

The man smiled and held the potion out, “This little beauty is only five dollars, and for that price what do you have to lose? When you wake up there will be someone with those breasts you so desire in your bed, I guarantee it.”

That wasn’t much money all things considered, Evan thought. If it was just snake oil then he’d only be out five bucks, but if it worked then he’d have a shot with a beautiful redhead. “I’ll take it,” he said fishing out his wallet and handing the man a five dollar bill.

The man took the bill and handed Evan the potion in exchange. “I’m sure you’ll enjoy it good sir, please take my card and think of me for all your future Fuller potion needs.” Then he tipped his hat and went back out into the snowy streets as Evan put the business card in his wallet.

That night before he went to sleep Evan thought of the beautiful redhead that he had imagined and chugged down the potion before climbing under the blankets and going to sleep.

***

Evan awoke feeling strange and more than a little disappointed at the lack of a girl in his bed. Well at least he was only out five bucks. He walked to the bathroom scratching absently at his chest and took a leak before facing the mirror to wash his hands and splash some water on his face to wake up. The water was cold and some ran down from his face to land on his breasts causing his nipples to harden a bit. That’s when Evan noticed that something was definitely not right.

He stared at his reflection for a good ten minutes trying to wrap his head around what he saw there. He had breasts. They weren’t man boobs because Evan always tried to keep himself in good shape and besides they weren’t flabby at all. No, these were full and firm and perky with pale skin, a faint splashing of freckles, and large rosy aureola with hardened nipples. These were the breasts of a young woman. He needed to fix this before he had to go back to work next week, so he decided to give the salesman a call and see if he had an antidote. He took out the business card and read: E. Kard, Fuller Potions Ltd. It also had a phone number, which he quickly dialed.

Half an hour later saw the salesman returning to Evan’s house dressed in the same suit and hat and carrying his briefcase. “Good morning sir,” he said as he looked at Evan’s bathrobe covered chest, “Yes indeed, that’s quite a rack you’ve got there sir. A stupendous set of sweater puppies, exactly as advertised.”

“Yes they would be, on a woman!” Evan snapped. “You told me that I would be waking up with someone with a set of these, not that I would have them.”

“How would that work if you’re the one drinking the potion? That whole idea is preposterous. I specifically told you that when you woke up someone in your bed would have those breasts and you sir are someone,” the man said smugly.

Evan had to admit that he had fallen right into that one and at the moment he was far more concerned with getting rid of his new additions then arguing about technicalities. “Fine, fine, do you have anything that will fix me?”

“Fix you sir? Is there something wrong with you?” the man in grey asked.

“Of course there is, thanks to you,” Even grumbled. “I’m a man and I can’t be going around with breasts. Do you have anything that will make me normal?”

The salesman nodded, “Oh, I catch your meaning good sir. As it happens I have just the thing. You see the potion you drank last night was a catalyst potion. If you drink the right potion it will dispel that potion or there’s another potion to complete the spell of the first one.”

“How much? Evan asked warily.

“You can have either one for free, I feel bad about this whole mix-up.” The salesman offered.

Evan felt bad about snapping at the man, it was obviously just a misunderstanding. “Thanks, just give me the one that will make me look normal, these breasts look ridiculous on a man.”

The salesman took a green potion from the briefcase and offered it to Evan. “Here, this will fix your little problem, I guarantee it.”

Evan took the vial, uncorked it, and quickly downed the contents. He noticed almost immediately that something was wrong he seemed to be getting shorter and his whole body felt like it was getting smaller except a bit of swelling at his hips and butt. His bathrobe fell open to reveal that the wonder twins were still present and his head suddenly felt heavier as long red hair sprouted and made its way down to his hips. “What have you done this time?” Evan asked and then squeaked at the unfamiliar and unmistakably feminine voice.

“I gave you the potion you asked for,” the man replied.

“I told you to give me the one that would make me look normal,” Evan growled.

The salesman quickly retorted, “I did, you yourself said that a man with breasts is ridiculous. Now you’re a perfectly normal woman, and a fine looking one at that. Say, are you doing anything tonight?”

Evan clenched her now pretty little fists as she slowly and carefully asked, “How much for the one that will turn me back into a guy?

“If you wanted that one you really should have said so before,” the man said, shaking his head. “I’m afraid it won’t work now, the potion you drank to complete the changes makes them permanent.”

By now Evan’s face was as red as her new hair as she seethed in anger. “Out! Out!” She pushed the man out the door and slammed it behind him.

***

It was sometime later that Evan finally had the courage to face her new self in the mirror. The image that greeted her was that of a petite redhead perhaps in her early twenties with freckles and bright green eyes in a pretty face with high cheekbones and classic Cupid’s bow lips. She was slender and several inches shorter than she had been before and her high proud breasts fit her new form much better. The only thing she had of her old self was the small birthmark on her forehead, though now it was obscured by her hairline since that was no longer receding. She tried to console herself that she had gained over twenty five years of her youth back but the thought of spending that life as a woman now was frightening.

“I look more like Eve now than Evan,” she said with a sigh.

A knock at the door brought her out of her thoughts and she wrapped her bathrobe around herself tightly to answer it. Drake was on the other side and asked, “Hi is Evan home?”

“In a manner of speaking,” she replied with a shrug. “Come on in Drake.” She didn’t know why but she felt compelled to tell her friend everything. She even showed him her birthmark to try and prove that she was who she claimed to be. Finally she said, “I know you probably think I’m crazy or something but it’s all true.”

“It’s okay, I believe you,” Drake said.

“I wouldn’t,” Eve replied, “I mean who believes in magic these days?”

Drake chuckled, “I guess it’s easier to believe when you’re raised in a family of witches and wizards.”

It was Eve who ended up staring in disbelief, “You’re kidding me right?”

“No, almost my whole family is made up of witches and wizards,” he replied seriously. “Don’t tell me you didn’t find them just a little odd. It looks like this potion is as permanent as he said, I don’t think I can change you back, but I can probably help change your ID and stuff to a new identity. Maybe you can use that winning ticket to buy a new wardrobe and other things you might need. I’ll help you however I can though.”

“Thanks,” Eve replied. “You’re a good friend, I was kind of afraid that our friendship was going to be over.”

“Evan… Eve, I need to admit something to you. I have been starting to care for you as more than just a friend. I’m not gay and I know you weren’t either but I will do anything for you, I’ll be there for you from now on however you want or need me to be.”

Eve could feel her eyes tearing up but given the past few days that was understandable. “Really?” she asked uncertainly. She had been feeling the same about Drake but her fears of losing his friendship were making that hard to see. Maybe this was meant to be maybe now she could have a family, someone to love her.

“I guarantee it,” he replied with a smile as he kissed her.

 © 2014 Amethyst Gibbs
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Comments

Very Cute

erin's picture

Thanks for taking my title and going somewhere with it. I rather like the Fuller Potion Company salesman. :)

Hugs,
Erin

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

Thanks Erin

Amethyst's picture

and you're very welcome, it was nice to write something cute and short for a change and I had a lot of laughs writing the salesman. :)

*hugs*

Amethyst

ChibiMaker1.jpg

Don't take me too seriously. I'm just kitten around. :3

AWWWWWW

So sweet and sentimental. guy meets guy. they become good friends. then Guy has sales man sell other guy a potion. So then it becomes guy meets girl. Hu ??

I still liked it a lot thanks,
Huggles
Michele

With those with open eyes the world reads like a book

celtgirl_0.gif

Glad you liked it

Amethyst's picture

I wanted to do something sweet and sentimental and yet completely wacky with Erin's little phrase. This isn't really the type of story I do often so it was a fun little change of pace.

*hugs*

Amethyst

ChibiMaker1.jpg

Don't take me too seriously. I'm just kitten around. :3

hmm

So why was Drake pretending to be this Fuller Breast man?

Well he does say

Amethyst's picture

at the end that he would do anything for her. That likely includes impersonating a salesman and wacky hijinks to slip his friend a potion so they could be together.

*hugs*

Amethyst

ChibiMaker1.jpg

Don't take me too seriously. I'm just kitten around. :3

Can't feel sorry for Evan.

Extravagance's picture

He wasn't careful enough in dealing with that salesman, who would have made a good politician or lawyer.

Catfolk Pride.PNG

Yup

Amethyst's picture

Evan should have been more careful, and the salesman was a real smooth-talker who knew all the loopholes. The scenes between the two of them were my favorite part to write :)

*hugs*

Amethyst

ChibiMaker1.jpg

Don't take me too seriously. I'm just kitten around. :3

The Fuller Potion Company

I couldn't help but think one of Drake's relatives was in the biz and passed on Evan's address to a salesman. :) After all making a good potion is all about knowing what ingrediants goes togehter to create something special. Just like Drake and Eve perhaps! :)

Hugs
Grover

Fun Story

I think it was probably a relative that posed as the Fuller Potion Man

Goddess Bless you

Love Desiree

Come On Folks

littlerocksilver's picture

Drake was the Fuller Breast Man. I guarantee it.

Portia

Nah. It was Drake's Mother.

Nah. It was Drake's Mother. I mean, who else would work that hard to get her son a good woman?


I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.

I Knew I was Right

littlerocksilver's picture

I guarantee it.

Portia

Where?

Hypatia Littlewings's picture

".. petite redhead perhaps in her early twenties with freckles and bright green eyes in a pretty face with high cheekbones and classic Cupid’s bow lips...."

Sounds just right. So where can I order a vial?

Gee, I wonder what made "The Fuller Breast Man" call on that particular house.

I like, I like!
~Hypatia >i< ..:::

If only

Amethyst's picture

I had one available but I'm out of stock. Attempts to make my own have only resulted in indigestion I'm afraid ;)

*hugs*

Amethyst

ChibiMaker1.jpg

Don't take me too seriously. I'm just kitten around. :3

The salesman

Amethyst's picture

A lot of thoughts on who the salesman is. If anyone really wants to know just read the name on the business card backwards. ;) Though you're all free to imagine whatever plots you wish, that's what makes a story like this so much fun.

*hugs to all*

Amethyst

ChibiMaker1.jpg

Don't take me too seriously. I'm just kitten around. :3

I still think it's the

I still think it's the mother. I mean, Drake is more of a _last_ name, after all :)

Drake _did_ say his _family_ was into that sort of thing.


I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.

Oh Amethyst sweetie!

When you described Evan, I'd have sworn you were describing me! I was like wholly hanna! How could she know this? But then when you described the redhead, I was certain you were! So could you please pass me Mr Kard's card! (Giggling & Giddy with anticipation!). Love it! Just love it! Loving Hugs Talia

M. Kard

Amethyst's picture

I kind of wish I had his card right now too, maybe he'd have something to cure this infernal cold. Glad you enjoyed it Talia.

*big hugs*

Amethyst

ChibiMaker1.jpg

Don't take me too seriously. I'm just kitten around. :3

guaranteee

wish that salesman was knocking at my door I want some

Evan was dumber than wood

But then if he wasn't, there wouldn't have been a story. Good job running with Erin's project.

Michele

lol yes he was

Amethyst's picture

Usually I try to have more intellectual main characters but I wanted Evan to be easily taken in by the fast talking Mr. Kard. I kept thinking 'this guy is an idiot' but I liked the way that he was so easily manipulated by his friend. It was actually fun writing about an idiot once I got going and could think of new ways for Mr. Kard to twist what the poor guy was saying.

*hugs*

Amethyst

ChibiMaker1.jpg

Don't take me too seriously. I'm just kitten around. :3

You mean his friend's MOTHER.

Extravagance's picture

Bibliophage is absolutely spot on.
I'll bet Drake's mother would do a great job in a FtM support group, given how good she is at passing for a man.

Catfolk Pride.PNG

Lol it could be

Amethyst's picture

possible that the Fuller potions company and the Edward Kard persona are something that Drake's whole family uses when they want to interfere in the lives of their family and/or the normal folks. It was something I considered when i wrote his whole family as witches and wizards. Who knows there could be more of the fast-talking salesman in the future. ;)

Maybe he even has catboy/girl potions.

*hugs*

Amethyst

ChibiMaker1.jpg

Don't take me too seriously. I'm just kitten around. :3

Hmmm

TheCropredyKid's picture

Are you familiar with a Twilight Zone episode {or the John Collier story it was based on} called "The Chaser"?

 
 
 
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