Previously

Susan tried not to be too excited. The girl’s name was important in a way that went beyond just not fitting the person she was becoming but also the person she had always been. Timothy fit for the time even if it had become awkward and perhaps even a burden, but it had meaning to the girl at the very start. Both Susan and Lina nodded as the girl continued.

“My name is Hope.”

At the home of the Albanese boys, a few weeks later.

“You seem to be in a good mood,” Carlo said, responding the odd, almost distracted grin on Danny’s face. He placed a pair of Mickey Mouse mugs on the table along with two bagels; toasted with cream cheese and slices of Swiss cheese. Danny continued grinning but without comment.

“You know…. You’re not fooling anyone, and you certainly aren’t hiding anything from me…. We were bunkies for a long time, bro.” Carlo laughed and grabbed a bagel from the plate, handing it to Danny.

“Here, big brother. Gotta keep your strength up if you’re gonna fight the dragons….” He shook his head and looked off as if he could see Danny’s hospital from the kitchen. Danny shook his head and grabbed the bagel. Cutting it in half, he began eating; again without comment.

“I heard Pat dropped by yesterday…. You know…the little bird we like to call Aunt Lina….she said that he’s throwing his weight around. “ At the mention of LIna, Danny put the bagel on the small plate in front of him and glared off out the window, following Carlo’s gaze out the window.

“If he….son of a bitch….” Danny went to stand up but Carlo cautioned him with an outstretched hand.

“She said she told him where to get off….You know her; she wouldn’t say a bad word against him… But she wasn’t about to back down, and she’s fine. She’s more worried about you, you know?”

“I can take care of myself.” Danny snapped, but his demeanor softened.

“I’m not worried, because at this point, I care more about….”

“Yeah….me too, but I’m not risking my job over it…It’s easy for me to say. You gonna be okay?” Carlo reached over and touched his brother’s wrist. Danny pulled back slightly but relented.

“I’ve felt so mixed up for so long, Car….almost like Susan….you know?”

“Like you didn’t fit in? But it’s all different now…we’re big boys, Dan…all grown up and maybe seeing things the way they are for the first time? Are you ashamed?”

“Oh, no….just coming out of fog…..I realized yesterday that I felt this way long before I knew…before any of us knew….”

“I think I can see Pat’s perspective on this.” Carlo practically ducked, waiting for a rebuke.

“Yeah…. He thought he had a son and I thought I loved him….” Danny laughed but Carlo shook his head in confusion.

“You mean you don’t love…..you know….”

Words and names and pronouns may linger long after their usefulness has been spent. He wasn’t embarrassed so much as fearful that he’d say the wrong thing. The last thing Carlo wanted to do was to discourage his brother. Danny smiled and nodded, almost finishing Carlo’s sentence with his expression, but he returned Carlo’s gesture and patted him on the wrist.

“I do love her. I can’t explain why things are the way they are in my head…. I just know that I’ve loved her for a long time; maybe since forever? We used to hang around the church playground on Saturday when we were all little, and there was just something about Tim…Hope. Oh hell, you know what I mean.” His face reddened; not so much from embarrassment but from the continued mash together of confusion and growing understanding.

“We…you remember what Mommy used to say about Dad….?” Carlo nodded.

“Yeah…she knew he was the one when they sat together In Earth Science class when they were in the seventh grade.”

“Well, I think I’ve loved Tim…oh hell.” He shook his head and his face reddened. Carlo knew exactly what he meant.

“Listen, Danny…it’s not like she’s had the name forever. We only found out about it a couple of weeks ago…. It’s brand new to us.”

“Oh hell….dammit I should know the name of the girl I’ve fallen in love with. Fuck….”

“Listen, Danny,” Carlo repeated, wanting to encourage his brother. He held Danny’s hand.

“The thing here isn’t so much what her name is, but the ‘why’ of her name. For the first time since we were all ….no…for the first time, period, the girl is who she is. No hiding….no stupid angry stuff to deal with every day…. At least with everyone who cares. The thing now is to tell her how you care.” Carlo paused and took stock of his own words.

“Of course it’s easy for me to say…. I’m still trying to figure out how to love myself, much less another sentient being, you know? I still have a crush on Hermione Granger, and she’s just a character in a book. You love a real girl, Dan…. That’s a good thing, no matter what you remember to call her or anything else.”

“I guess….” Danny put his head down; the years-old tendency for the Albanese kids to doubt and question themselves. Their father might have come around finally before the end, but even the boys joined their sister Susan in picking up the psychic pieces. Carlo smiled.

“I know you love her….and you know, too! And you know who you love….no doubts or questions other than how to get around to calling her by her new name, right?” Carlo patted him on the wrist.

“Right…Hope….such an important name for ….”

“Such an important girl.” Carlo replied.

“I just hope I can help her realize that….Damn, Carlo this fucking hurts.”

“Baring yourself is like lying on that table of yours, but instead of an X-ray or a Cat-Scan, it’s a picture of who you are inside. You’re letting yourself be as vulnerable as she is, and that’s….it’s gonna hurt because you’re laid bare for everyone…not just her…but for everyone to see. And that means taking a chance that you’ll get hurt. But you remember what Mommy used to say…from L’Engle?” Danny nodded and repeated,

“’When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability... To be alive is to be vulnerable.’ I suppose I’m as alive as I’ll ever be….”

“But it also means feeling the good things. The stuff that folks like Pat McKenna will never understand… to be a part of something great that is happening with Hope and maybe for a long, long time. Remember what Mommy used to say about love?” Danny nodded again.

“Nothing ventured….nothing gained….but what gains!!!”

He laughed even as his eyes welled with tears. He would always love his father and had regained a respect for him for the change his father had sought at the end of his life. But if anyone asked him, he would say that his mother was likely the real theologian in the home, since the words she valued came from the One she valued…. That she knew the ‘theo’ behind the theology and that mean that she loved and cherished and hoped and held close to her heart all the good things life not only offered but gave to her to dispense freely.

“Well, nothing ventured….I guess no matter what happens, it’s time to do a little venturing, yes?” Carlo laughed even as his gaze went out the window down the street and to the hospital miles away. Danny nodded once again and spoke with nervous laugh; his gaze mirroring his brother.

“Run for cover….”

The office of Cal Ferguson, CEO of the hospital...

“I don’t know, Pat….I’m ….” Cal Ferguson shook his head. Pat McKenna raised his eyebrows a bit and shook his head.

“He was obviously rude and disrespectful, and he shoved me out of the way. Is that someone you want working here?” Pat didn’t lie; he was convinced that Danny had been rude and physical while forgetting that he had tried to push past Danny to get at Tim.”

“Really? It’s been a while, Pat…. Maybe you should let it go.”

“No, Cal…I’m serious. You do what you feel is necessary, but I’m very disappointed in how he was allowed to be so rude. And that woman…. I didn’t feel she showed me the respect I’m due as a chaplain at this hospital,” Pat said; completely missing the thing that his faith encouraged everyone else to do . Pat might be a very good representation at the point of being a Christian (with a small ‘c’) but he was hardly being Christ-like right then and there. Cal nodded in reluctant acknowledgement. It would go exactly like Pat expected, which would be entirely the one thing Pat needed, even if it meant a wee bit of pain in the process.

The office of Marie Chang...a few days later....

“I… I don’t know what to say…” Hope put her head down and covered her face.” Marie Chang sat across from the girl; a relaxed posture and a broadening smile on her face.

“It’s how things work sometimes…. I’m very glad to tag along on your journey, Hope. It’s a good thing that I can do, and I’m happy to help.”

“But I don’t know when I’ll…. I don’t even have a job…”

“I know. Time enough for that. Okay?” Hope lifted her head and nodded slightly.

“Now tell me, how are you today….”

Danny and Carlo's home...a few days later...

“Danny? Carlo?” Lina called from the front door. A moment later Carlo walked out of the kitchen and frowned.

“You heard?” He shook his head and looked into the living room. Danny was sitting on the couch; remarkably calm for someone who had just lost his job. LIna walked over and sat down on the couch next to him and drew him into a consoling hug. He shrugged his shoulders and smiled.

“I got a note on my locker to see HR. They said that I’m skating on thin ice and that I’m letting my personal feelings get in the way of my job. Then they told me that…. I don’t care if I am family; it really wasn’t up to them to tell me they fired you.” Lina bit her lip as her face grew red. Danny touched her arm.

“Nothing they did today makes any sense. Unless you factor in who’s in the middle of it. He did say he had friends….” Danny laughed, remembering an old song about having friends in lowly places; a position he felt glad to occupy even if it left him with little influence at the moment.

“They told me they would write a letter of recommendation…that there weren’t any ‘hard’ feelings. I felt sooooo comforted by that,” he said with a wry laugh.

“Where will you go,” Susan said as she sat down in her mother’s old rocking chair. Carlo joined them; sitting on the brick hearth catty-corner to the couch.

“I’ve got a friend who works at HSS in the city. It’s a pain in the ass commute but they pay better and there’s always the daily sideshows on the subway. I’ll be okay. I’m just pissed off that they dragged Lina into this mess. It was my choice to tell off the bastard, and anything else is just plain mean and vindictive. Fuck….” Lina shook her head slightly at the profanity; that head shake that oddly demonstrates a reluctant agreement instead of denial.

“Thank heaven for small favors,” Susan said. Carlo and Danny both at the same time and stared at their sister. She looked back and forth between them and Lina. Her aunt put her hand to her mouth and gasped.

“What?” Susan asked; her head tilted sideways as her remark and her posture earned her another gasp; this time from Carlo. Danny laughed softly and pointed to the rocking chair…her mother’s chair.

“Mommy used to say that all the time. You’re… “ Carlo said haltingly.

“I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to…” Susan put her head down even as Lina stood up; practically tripping over the coffee table as she hurried to Susan’s side. She knelt down and grabbed the girl’s hands in her own.

“Oh honey….don’t be sorry. It’s just that….” Lina’s voice cracked and she stifled a sob. Susan’s eyes widened in question and even shame; needless and sad in a way as Carlo finished Lina’s sentence.

“You’re your mother’s daughter….” He laughed softly.

Lina and Susan's home...later that evening...

“Hope? Are you okay?” Susan said as she knocked softly on the girl’s bedroom door. A few seconds later the girl appeared at the doorway. While she didn’t look happy, gone were the usual tears and sad expression.

“I….” She lowered her gaze.

“What…what happened.” Susan said, her hand reaching out to hold Hope’s.

“My…My mom called while you were gone….she wants to…” The words seemed almost slow and robotic but for the growing smile on Hope’s face.

“She couldn’t stop crying….she says she’s sorry….” Her face grew hot with embarrassment; as if it was wrong to hope for more. Nothing would ever diminish her mother’s remorse, but there was a halting pause in her voice.

“He still doesn’t want to see you? I’m so sorry….” Susan’s expression mirrored Hope’s for just a moment; lagging behind as the girl’s face revealed a widening smile.

“I…I guess it will be okay…. “She paused and her smile grew surprisingly, as she looked up a bit, higher and past Susan as she reached for words. She settled and finished.

“I knew I needed a name and I remembered something my Mom told me when I was little. She and Dad had tried to have kids for so long. They lost three before me….” The smile began to wane only a bit at the sad memory until she spoke again.

“She said when I came along it showed her….” Her eyes began to water, but for the first time in perhaps a lifetime, the tears were joyful as she spoke at last.

“She said that love always hopes…. I guess that’s what I’ve got to do with my Dad.” She lowered her head just a bit and turned away, as if her words were somehow misplaced. Susan touched her face softly and drew her chin around.

“That’s what we’ll all do. That’s exactly what we’ll do, honey. We’ll all love him back and hope.”

Next: Love Always Believes...