I’m up at 5:30 as I need to help care for the girls and get to school. I put on some coffee, get dressed. It is a simple dress that falls snuggling the contours of my body. I put on 2” heel boots as it could be slippery under foot. My makeup is light, I smile about how well and quickly I do my face. My hair needs the salon but I’m able to brush it out and keep the waves and curls in ample supply. I even have my earrings in as I go to check the Suzy.

She is smiling which might mean she is dry; in fact she is and I sit her on the potty chair. I wonder if I should be checking on Megan. I wash my hands and open the door to Marti’s room enough to poke in my head. The bassinet is next to the bed so I walk lightly to it to check Megan. Marti’s eyes open just a crack, “If you could change her I would appreciate it.”

I carry Megan over to the changing table and take off her diaper. It’s important as the baby the pre-natal class comes in handy, knowing the correct way to wipe her bottom; making sure each area is clean and separate. There is also an ointment I need to apply to her cord area. She is very precious as I cradle her in my arms. Marti’s sitting up in bed as I hand Megan to her. It is so cute to see Meg respond to the light touch of Marti’s nipple on her cheek. Her head turns and gently moves till she is sucking.

“Melanie,” Marti gently gets my attention, “You have school and two other girls.” She’s right I was enjoying staying there.

Once I’m back out to find Suzy; her plastic pants are on the floor in front of the potty chair, bare-bottom Suzy is pushing her highchair to the table. I pick her up and she is smiling. “I potty, I good.”

“Yes you were very good. You’re getting to be a big girl.” Suzy smiles at being a BIG GIRL. I smile to myself, it’s like being seen as a REAL GIRL.

I wipe Suzy, get her dressed and up in her chair with cereal and juice. I get Sheri up and run her bath water. Kneeling in a long dress is not so easy. I stir in a little bubble bath and check the temperature.

I have cereal and yogurt for me. I have yogurt, fruit and milk ready for Sheri. I get out a pretty pair of pants and a pullover top for her along with her under clothes. I take a cup of coffee into Marti and tell her she needs to get out of bed and out to the kitchen for her breakfast.

I hear a knock at the side door and the door open; it’s Mom coming to help her sister Marti. “Well this is very good Melanie; I am quite impressed. Your sister will be over to drive you to school.” She goes into see Marti and the baby, and comes out carrying Megan. “Marti is taking a needed shower to freshen up and rejoin the normal world.”

I expected Sara to beep the horn, but no she is in to see Megan. She’s already talking to Marti about me taking Megan in for show and tell. Marti retorts, “I think you’re too big for show and tell.”

I counter, “But I do have a report to give.” Mom hands me a purse and my coat, pushing me out the door. Sara and I are laughing as we get into the car. It is the first I remember seeing Sara is in a skirt. “Since when are you wearing a skirt during the winter?”

“I’ll have you know I am free to wear skirts; girls don’t wear skirts as much as you but it is still fun when it’s my choice.” I gaze to take her in and I am envious. I’d like to be a normal girl.

Ms. Braun has a note on my locker to come see her. “Hi Ms Braun, no I don’t have a note for missing yesterday but my Aunt had her baby.”

“Someone called in; so did your Aunt have a boy or girl?” We talk, she’s happy to hear about Megan, and surprised that Marti had me in with her for the birth of the baby. “I called you in to remind you that you should be working on your report. I also want to remind you, you are not a real girl and come March we want you dressed as Melvin if not sooner.”

“Off the record, I think you have done much better than anyone could have imagined Mel. I hope you do this report as well as you have done everything so far. I would not be surprised if Carol your reporter friend would be around.”

“Ms. Braun, I want to ask: If I decide to invite Trudy to our prom and I come as Melanie will I have any problems with the school?” Instead of answering my question Ms Braun just gives me a pass back to class.

“I’m not surprised by the rest of the day and all the questions by other girls. I am surprised when Steven Young says he wants to talk with me after school, “Would it be okay if I took you to a place on the highway after school so we can talk with a little privacy?”

“Is this some kind of test or something?” I ask.

“If it is, it is more a test about me; it’s nothing bad, so please.”

I didn’t know he’s the one with the sharp looking Charger. I called Aunt Marti to say I’ll be a little late. Mom is there again so it is okay.

Steven meets me at the east door going out to the street where his car is parked. He holds my hand as we go to the car. I give him a look but don’t withdraw my hand. He opens my door and closes it after I’m in. It’s nothing fancy but it is a nicer diner. We get a booth back in the corner. Lace a waitress who knows me says hi and giggles under her breath.

“So is it Steve or Steven,” I ask?

“Either is fine.” Steven goes on, “I’m new this semester and it’s our senior year.” He smiles as he looks at me directly, “I desperately want to go to the prom with a good looking girl like you.”

“So does ‘desperately’ have to do with me being ‘good looking or girl’?” I look at him seriously, “You know you could have started this better if you’re trying to impress me.”

“You’re right, I could be doing better but my awkwardness is more about me and trying to be honest. It was three weeks before I heard you might be a boy. And since then I’ve wrestled about still asking you out. You are the prettiest girl that is running unattached except for the girls who like going out with you. I’ve been a chauvinist as well as very straight, but I find I still want to ask you to the Prom.”

“Well I have a girlfriend at another school and I hope to be going to the prom with her. I want to go to one prom as Melanie and I’m not sure what she will say about that. I think it would be awkward going to one prom with a girl I really like and going to our prom with a guy just so I can be his female date.”

“I am impressed with your confession as well as calling me one of the good looking girls. It is kind of stirring to be approached by a handsome guy who knows me and still sees me as a pretty girl that he wants to date.” I didn’t think about it by I’ve taken hold of his hand like I’m in his girlfriend.

“I hear you go to most of the dances, would you be go with me to a dance?” I didn’t respond so he asks “Or atleast dance with me a number of times?”

“This Friday I’ll be at our dance and my friend Trudy can’t be there. I’d rather just go there with some friends and dance with those I wish.” We continue to talk, Steve tells me he and his parents just moved her from the Chicago area. He’s already accepted to Northwestern in Illinois, he says it’s a Big Ten School like I should be impressed and he has applied to several universities here in the northeast.

Time passes fast and it is 5:00 before he gets me home. No sooner do I make it through the door, I lean back against it and sigh. Sheri comes running with one of my babies and Suzy and my Mom have the other doll. I had fallen asleep with Sarai and Amanda last night as I had missed them, so I smile in receiving them.

Mom suggests, I go into the living room to nurse my babies as Marti too will soon be out to nurse Megan. Once I’m sitting down and acting like I’m nursing my babies, Mom asks, “So tell us about the boy who brought you home and had you all a flutter?”

“Mom it wasn’t like that…” Mom looks at me like she’s not buying it. “Well, maybe a little bit but I know it shouldn’t be.”

Mom smiles and sits next to me, “Melanie, you are trying so hard to be seen as a girl. Seemingly Steven treated you like a girl, so why are you surprised you feel like one.”

“I might not be crazy about you staying as a girl, but I don’t want you suppress or deny what you feel or think.” I sense Mom is opening up to me talking to me from her heart, more like the parent I see there for Sara. “It surprises me but when I saw you leaning back against that door, I saw a little of me in you. It’s like a Mom seeing her daughter grow up and we’re sharing a common experience. It is not just with Steve, I’ve seen Trudy bring out similar feelings to you.”

Marti is in the room nursing Megan and my nieces are there as well. “Thanks Mom, but my biggest frustration is the thought of going back to being Melvin. I think I’m going to feel like Melanie wearing boy’s clothing and feeling awkward or disgusted.” I push away Sarai and Amanda and stand up; “I can’t just talk about this like going back is okay.”

I run to my room, jump on mybed and pick up my pillow to cry in it. Mom soon follows and I’m glad she’s not yelling at me to understand. She sits next to me and rubs my back; “Melanie, Dr. Kylie, a psychiatrist in gender identity and us just want to make sure you make a healthy decision.”

“Mom, I understand that but I’m wrestling with things as Melanie; I want to finish my senior year as me not someone else’s experiment. I want to know find out if I choose to be me, Melanie; if Trudy and others will continue to accept that’s who I am.”

“If I kiss Steven or another boy, I want to own those feelings and not to run from them. Can you understand what I want?”

“I think Dr. Kylie is trying to do what she thinks you and others want her to do. I know you’re my parents and as a girl I only have four months, but I’m also eighteen. I might need help in making decisions, not others telling me what I’m going to do!”

There’s a pause, Mom’s holding my hand and has a slight smile as she looks to me. “I hear you honey and I guess we need a conference before there’s any thought of you changing back. I can appreciate what you’re saying and it sound like a very mature person speaking to me.”

“Thanks Mom; You and Marti have been very helpful in me growing as Melanie. I hope you feel happy about that and not guilty if I remain Melanie. I love being your second daughter.” We walk back out to be with Marti and Uncle Ron is there now.

“Ron, what do you think about your nephew?”

“I don’t know if you’re going to like this but I’m very impressed with Melanie. Originally, I was just happy someone was here helping Marti and the kids. Marti had kept telling me how helpful Melanie was being. I wondered why she wasn’t referring to Melvin. Once I started communicating with Mel I understood why. Somehow, I think this girl emerged to show her true colors.”

“I know everyone kind of thinks maybe Mel the guy should be back but I’m not sure, to me Mel is Melanie. I know she struggles sometimes; I just think it’s growing pains.” Uncle Ron comes over as I stand up to receive him. “You’ve become a lovely young woman Melanie. Marti and I are very happy about you’re being here. I’m thankful I’m not the parent of a teenager.”

I don’t know if he’d appreciate knowing, his being eight inches taller and being built as he is, ‘I wouldn’t mind a guy like him asking me out. It is not just about his appearance though I’m fond of, but how he treats Marti and the girls. If I could find a guy that nice it would make being a woman that much easier and better.’

Mom went into the kitchen and I began to follow but I saw her take out her phone so I pause and don’t go in. “Honey,” I hear her say, “It’s not for sure but yes Melanie might be continuing as our daughter… I think at least till the end of the school year… Yes, even that is possible… I agree if that’s the way it should be, it would be fine. I just want what’s right for her. She does make a beautiful daughter.”

Come Thursday evening I visit with Trudy, “So what’s bothering you Melanie; for everything going so well there’s something still bothering you?” I was just about to tell her on my own, “Trudy that new guy Steve I told you about he wants to meet me at the dance tomorrow night.”

“I heard he asked you to the Prom at your school with him but no one has heard if you said no or yes.” I could feel my face turning red. “Does that mean you’d like to go with him or that you already said ‘Yes’?”

“I told him you’re my girlfriend and I hope to go with you.”

“But would you like to go with him or another guy to your prom? Melanie, apart from you, I don’t see myself as a lesbian. It’s kind of funny when I finally fall in love with you, you’re a girl. It’s our senior year and both of us want to be the belle of the ball. I’ll tell you; I’m tempted to go with my old boyfriend Blake to his Prom and you’re tempted to go with Steven to your Prom. I’m not sure what I think about the other two, but I’m sure we should go together to my Prom.”

“Why don’t we agree to go together to your Prom? I’ll probably dance with Steven tomorrow night but I’m not saying yes to him about the prom at least not now.” I’m anxious and I’m uncomfortable with what I just said, I want to talk to Trudy face to face. “Trudy if I can get the use of a car, can I stop over and take you out for awhile? Please!” I quickly say good-bye and I’m calling Sara when Marti says I can use their car.

I’m use to driving cars but I’m still anxious about possibly being pulled over by police. Even when I try I have trouble driving the speed limit. I’ve had two police signal for me to pullover before but it was in my own town and they weren’t out to make any trouble.

I’m surprised when Trudy comes and gets into the car and she’s wearing a cute skirt and blouse outfit. I did the same thing but it’s because I want to impress her. “Melanie, let’s go over to Johnson Park, I know a safe place and we can talk in the car.” It takes us less than ten minutes to get there; another minute for us to be in the back seat.

Trudy’s getting very passionate and I’m doing all I can to stay up with her. “If you dance with him… I want… you to remember what he needs to measure up too…” she says. I’m unable to comment as we’re both overly passionate. I’m sure Trudy’s having an orgasm but she’s able to push herself to something deeper. While I’ve been stuck tucked back and have on a faux vagina. It hasn’t stopped me from reacting, but my biggest response is as Melanie, not as a guy. I’m touching Trudy is as another girl. I’m enjoying it immensely but there is a conflict with the way I’m wired as Melvin.

It has gone from 7:30 when I left Ron and Marti’s to 11:00 p.m. when I drive back into their driveway. Marti greets me, “I want you to take a shower before you come back out to visit with me.” Tonight is the first time I seriously want to cut my boy parts off. No, I’m not going to do it; I just so wished I was all girl with Trudy.

I take my sweet time with the conditioner in my hair. My nightgown is one of my more feminine ones with lace around my breasts and a thin fabric of satin caressing me. I can’t help but smile as I walk out to Marti. Marti has me sit next to her and draws me in to snuggle next to her. “Young lady, please tell me about tonight?”

“I hope you want my feelings and thoughts and not other details?”

“Well stated Melanie.” We visit and I’m relieved. Aunt Marti is once again my dearest confidant along with Sara. “Aunt Marti, Trudy is so loveable and considerate that I feel guilty about what I’d like to do.” Marti smiles and words aren’t needed as I know she understands.

“She has come to impress me too Melanie. If the romance would ever leave I hope there is away to keep her friendship.”

“If I didn’t feel strongly as I do, I would seek her just as a friend. But my whole being tingles when she stirs my emotions.”

“Melanie, I’m sorry but I need to change the subject for a moment and talk about Ron leaving at the end of this week. He’s going to take us all out for dinner tomorrow night, but after that and the following two nights I would like you to give more attention to the other two girls, Suzy and Sheri.” She’s lost in a pleasant thought; “I wish I were a few more months away from Megan being born. I wouldn’t mind making sure his body went back to duty to rejuvenate his juices.”

Marti sees me turning red and realizes she’s shared the information with her teenage niece/nephew. “I’m sorry I’m sure that was too much information.”

“The weirdest thing Aunt Marti, I like you confiding in me like you do with my Sister. It’s things like this that seem to confirm I’m a girl…”

I’m actually more comfortable hearing about her than talking about Trudy and me…

To be continued…