Previously...
Bubbe Eitel was convinced that what would come into the girl’s life would more than make up for any lack she felt she had or anything she felt was necessary to be a blessing to others. What she may have lacked in her body would be more than compensated by the love in her heart she was destined to share with others. And that love would find its way in time to bless one in particular…
Riga, Latvia, May, 1913....
“Bubbe?” The old woman looked up to see Yudi standing at the counter.
“Yes, myddyl? You look very….” Bubbe Eitel seemed to be struggling more frequently for words. She smiled at the girl.
“Torn?” Yudi stepped back and right into the tall, handsome man standing behind her.
“Ah… Moshe Galitsky. What brings you into the shop after such a long absence? Is my challah suddenly something you crave? Perhaps a nice babka?” She looked at the man and thought, ‘such a pipik!’
“Well, you know why I have been away, Bubbe Eitel. And because people talk, you already know why I’m here now.”
“I am so sorry the widow Papernik decided to marry Dov Kugel.” She wasn’t sorry at all. Moshe Galitsky might be a shrewd businessman, but as a person, he left much to be desired.
“And you certainly can understand why I am here this fine summer day, Bubbe? He glanced at Yudi and then looked back at Bubbe Eitel.
“The girl has a name, and she is right here; whatever you have to say you should say to her. She is of age.” Yudi’s eyes widened in fear until the old woman added.
“But I should remind you that she is promised to another…. A nice young man in Ulbroka… his father is a tailor.” She lied; no boy in Ulbroka or anywhere else for that matter. Only in falsehoods and half-truths might the girl be protected; not only from the nearly incessant attempts to gain approval for courtship from the likes of Moshe Galitsky, but for any other man for that matter.
If the Almighty in his wisdom deigned it a good thing to create such a girl as unique as Yehudit Sokol, then surely he would reveal to her… perhaps her alone … a man who would be kind and caring enough to at least be able to discover and understand and maybe even love the girl? That man surely was not Moshe Galitsky.
“She may be ‘of age,’ Bubbe Eitel, but she isn’t old enough to appreciate what I can do for her.” His tone was dismissive enough to make Yudi cringe and Bubbe Eitel bristle, if only just below the surface. He shook his head; the arrogance of the man was no longer hidden beneath cloying charm as he spoke once again.
“I will not give up, and I will be back!” He closed the door only just ‘soft’ enough so as not to slam it.
“And we will be here, Moshe Galitsky!” Bubbe Eitel said. Sadly, that would not be true.
May, 1913…
Yudi walked quickly down the street; energized by the brightness of the day. As she entered the bakery, she found the store filled with people; more customers than she had seen in the past several days. A tall, sober looking man stepped up and half-smiled.
“You must be Yehudit?” His half-smile turned quickly to a sad frown at her slow, nervous nod. He was joined by a woman who looked vaguely familiar.
“Oh, child….I am so sorry….” She drew Yudi into a motherly hug.
“The doctor said it was quick; she did not suffer at all from what he saw….” She hugged Yudi again as the girl’s eyes widened in understanding. Yudi’s world was already in a life-time of upheaval, but her only friend in the world had just departed, leaving her alone, frightened and feeling hopeless all over again.
June, 1913….
“So tell me, Meyer Abkin? What must I do to convince you of my intentions?” Moshe Galitsky smiled wryly. Meyer Abkin looked over his shoulder at the girl sweeping the back of the shop. It had fallen on the old man unexpectedly to be the girl’s guardian after Bubbe Eitel’s passing. She heard Galitsky’s words and a shudder ran up her back.
“And you say you can give this girl a good life?” Meyer Abkin meant entirely well of the child, but had no way of understanding just how shrewd Moshe Galitsky was, and Galitsky knew it.
“I will guarantee that the girl will always have a home,” he smiled to himself; an expression completely lost on the old, barely-sighted man who leaned on the counter to steady himself. But Yudi could not help but notice the upturn of the left side of Moshe Galitsky’s mouth. She cringed and turned her back on the two, refocusing on the sweeping; hoping it would calm her enough to keep the bile from escaping her mouth. She didn’t know the man, but she felt fear rise over the prospect of being the man’s wife. A fear compounded by a secret that would likely get her killed.
Late August, 1913…
“Oh, my….” Her prayers were halting and filled with shame and sadness. If she had been reluctant to share her secret with anyone else besides her sister and her late benefactor, how much more to speak of her secret to the Almighty? She grabbed Bubbe’s pillow from the other side of the bed and buried her face in it; weeping with guilt.
“Dear…“ She paused and mouthed the name she felt too ashamed to speak aloud.
“I am so sorry…. I didn’t know what… I should have died with my family.” She shook her head; she didn’t even deserve to perish with her kin. Better for her to have never been born, she felt, and never to be included in such a loving family. Even the word ‘her’ was almost an accusation. The kindness of Zeyde Zalman and Bubbe Miryam and Zeyde Issur only went so far, and even they could not unmake the horrible mistake that had been Aram Sokol. No man or woman, doctor or mother or any other could change what she was and what she would never become. No love at all for a child who had nearly forgotten what love was all about. But love has a way of shining through, as some might say, and it was about to light her path.
“Yehudit? Yehudit? Why are you crying? I am here and I am not ashamed of you.” The voice sounded familiar, but as if coming from far away; a whisper on the wind rather than a loud voice. She looked around. The same ship she had dreamed of felt real. The deck creaked softly and the air was filled with the aroma of salt mixed with smoke, but where that came from she could not see.
“Yuhudit? Be still child.” She felt the fear in her heart ease and she began to cry again; this time not out of shame, but out of relief, though for what she could not say. The voice soothed but almost seemed to convict.
“Do not doubt, dear child. Be of good courage….” She felt the words surround her and enfold her like a hug. Looking around, she saw that the ship was moving quickly. Shouts came from all around her, and she turned to see a large shape looming almost in the path. She felt the deck under her feet almost lurch and before she could do a thing, she had fallen over the railing and into the water. More shouts were quickly drowned out by the sound of water rushing past her ears, and her eyes grew dim until she knew no more.
Yudi looked up from the bed to the small window in the dark room. It was still night, but the very beginning of dawn added a bit of light. She went to sit up and her hand pushed against the sheet that was soaked with perspiration and tears. As she eased her legs around and off the bed, she reached out in the dim light and grasped Bubbe Eitel’s pillow once again, but under the pillowcase. She pulled out her hand along with a fistful of coins and some paper with Cyrillic writing…. Money.
“Danken Got!” The girl exclaimed. Her deliverance had been planned for such a time as this, as it says somewhere. What she didn’t realize that her deliverance had been planned from before she was born; both as Aram in 1899 and again as Yehudit Sokol again in 1911. And now in 1913, she was going to see her deliverance come to pass, although in a way that she would never have imagined and certainly one of which she held no hope.
Le Havre, France, October, 1913; at the pier by the SS La Touraine…
“You have enough to book passage, Mademoiselle, but I see you are traveling alone. Why not stay with me,” the dark man said with a discomforting laugh.
“I think not, Herr Kieselmann! You will have enough to deal with regarding what to say to Frau Kieselmann as it is, ja? Leave the madchen alone and find someone when you get to Montreal, ja?” The old man poked at Kieselmann with his umbrella. Kieselmann might have done something foolish but for the two crewmen who stood at the gangway; arms folded. Dieter Mahler might be old and small, but he had friends among his fellow crewmen. The two nodded in approval as Kieselmann sulked and walked quickly up the gangway into the ship.
“My Greta would have been your age, bless her heart, but Gott and she are now maybe playing chess? Or perhaps talking about kittens or such? You will be safe, child. It will be alright, ja?” His eyes twinkled, and the look made her feel safe and secure and even loved. If Bubbe Eitel had a brother it would have been Dieter Mahler.
“I am grateful,” Yudi said with a stutter. She pulled the lapel of her coat closed against the oddly cold May breeze. Lowering her head, she managed a “Danke sehr, Vater,’ in respect to the man’s age. He smiled and winked again.
“I may be old enough to be your Grossvater, but I’m still a young man even if I approach my seventieth birthday. You may call me Onkel Dieter, bitte?”
“Ja,” Yudi said with a nod and a smile. “Danke, Onkel Dieter.” He smiled and cocked his head to the side, examining her in a way.
“Jude?” He asked; sudden but almost inviting. She felt safe enough to answer with a nod.
“Shhh….I am too.” He practically giggled. Even in France it was an occasional if decreasing risk to speak of one’s origin, so to speak.
“And you have another secret, ja?” The words seemed to pierce her; cold like the wind, but she found herself once again nodding; this time slower and with a bite of her lower lip.
“Do not worry, child. No man revealed this to me and no look betrayed you. You are safe as if you were in your mother’s arms.” He smiled, but the words, as kind as they were, hurt nonetheless and she began to weep. He pulled her close and patted her on the back.
“I still miss my mother, child. I am sorry for bringing up such a sad thing, but I tell my friends as long as I can still ‘hear’ her voice, I am alright, ja? Can you still hear your Mutti?” Yudi looked at him and smiled through her tears as she nodded once again.”
“Come, we will see if the cook has any cocoa for such world travelers as ourselves, ja?” He took her by both hands and led her up the gangway and onto the deck.
“Marcel?” Onkel Dieter waved at a tall man standing by a doorway-shaped portal. The man smiled and walked quickly to the two.
“Marcel? This is my niece….” He hesitated and squeezed Yudi’s hand. She took his lead and nodded and smiled at Marcel.
“Yudi…Yudi… Sokol.” She winced at the sound of her own last name, but Marcel paid no heed and continued to smile.
“Oui, cher fille. Welcome to La Touraine. I hope you enjoy your trip.” He turned sideways and grinned. There were no first class passengers this voyage and the second and third class passengers were hardly there for an Atlantic Cruise. It would be as warm and comfortable as any minimally attended passage would be, but Marcel always treated everyone with respect and dignity, regardless of which class they ‘chose.’ He kissed her hand, sending a chill up her arm even as her face grew red and hot.
“Perhaps some cocoa for your niece, Onkel Dieter?” Marcel asked. The old man nodded and Marcel took Yudi by the hand and led her into the dining area. A few minutes later the old man and she were sitting comfortably by a heater at the wall furthest from the doorway.
“I believe with all my heart that something is in store for you. Gott in Himmel!” He smiled; more of a German than Yiddish expression, it nevertheless demonstrated from where he believed the blessing arose. It might be ‘in store,’ as he said, and she would come to know it as a blessing, but not so much at first.
“Onkel Dieter?” The girl blushed again and tears welled in her eyes. He answered with a kind smile and a nod.
“Why….why was I made this way?” She looked down at herself. He didn’t miss a thing, but leaned closer for her modesty and safety.
“I heard a wise man once say that Gott does not give us more than we can handle.” She winced at the words; the death of her family and then her best friend was hardly anything she felt she could handle. He nodded at her expression; complete understanding that could only come with sad experience and faith beyond the sadness.
“A even wiser man said that we all get good and bad things in our lives…the rain falls on everyone, no matter how just they are, ja?” Yudi nodded slowly but turned away.
“I can only say that I miss my Greta and my dear Luisa. But I also know that Gott has given me enough love to share, and what I have, dear child, I give to you.”
“But you don’t know…you can’t possibly know what it’s like….to be a freak…a monster…... something horrible.” She put her head down but felt his soft hand lift her chin.
“Not a thing, child. But a dear one made in the image of the creator.”
“No…you don’t understand. It’s ….” She said, forgetting for only a moment that he said he knew she had a secret. How could he know> And in knowing, why wasn’t he repulsed?
“You are who you are, dear child, ja? Not what but who, and I believe maybe that the Almighty makes no mistakes? That whatever he has for you is for a purpose to bless you, as the prophet says? 'I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for?' I don’t pretend to know what the Almighty is thinking, but I believe with all my heart that he is good. And that makes everyone he created good. It’s up to all of us to become better, ja? You are a good young woman, Yehudit Sokol. Do not let the past make up your future for you, ja? Now drink your cocoa. It is getting as cold as the wind outside. And the ship will be soon underway to your future.
Mid-October, somewhere in the North Atlantic….
“Onkel Dieter? The ship feels like it’s moving faster.” The girl went to stand up and lurched forward; falling into a chair in the dining room.
“I don’t know, but it must be something important.
Several hours later….
“Mind your way, child,” a tall man in uniform said to her as he ran past. She leaned against the railing; already ill from the haste of the ship's movement. She climbed up the railing as the bile rose in her throat once again. Just as her feet stepped on first rail, she looked up to see another ship looming almost straight ahead. She heard shouts and the clanging of bells as the ship seemed to swing sideways. She grabbed for the top rail, but the ocean spray had made the polished wood slick, and she lost her grip. Tumbling over, she fell down and into the water and in a moment was engulfed by the waves between the two ships. She looked up in time to see the hull of the other ship bearing down just before a swell pulled her under and everything went black….
“I am not ready. I fear I will never be ready.” She looked around and found she was standing on the deck of a ship. The fog was thick, but noises in the near distance told her that the ship was near land. She could almost make out lights in the darkness and a very large object seemed to jut straight out of the water and tower over the ship; dimly lit and barely visible as it disappeared back into the fog.
“Oh….there you are?” A woman’s voice seemed to speak to Yudi from beyond, but a moment later her eyes opened to the harsh overhead light of a bare bulb.
“You gave us quite a scare,” the woman spoke again. Yudi went to sit up, but was dizzy enough to fall back into the bed. A smiling face beamed from behind the woman before stepping closer.
“I was afraid we’d lost you.” He said softly.
“All thanks to you that she’s alive, young man,” a tall man spoke. He was wearing a very impressive uniform.
“That’s right, Captain. He’s a hero.” Yudi looked up and saw the young man smiling at her once again. She felt her face grow hot and would have blushed but for the white pallor that quickly accompanied the mixture of salt water and bile that ended up at the young man’s feet. She saw that his smile had only dimmed a bit before she passed out once again.
“You’re a sham… you’re not real and you never will be.” The girl’s head felt what seemed like the glare of ten thousand suns, and her accuser was obscured in the bright light; almost eclipsing it.
“Please…I am sorry. I am so sorry,” the girl cried. She knelt at the feet of her accuser and wept. She looked up to see her own face as the girl before her shook her head and frowned angrily before disappearing. The light dimmed even as another figure took the place of her accuser.
“You’re as true as can be.” The words were soft and soothing; a balm that began to take away her guilt and shame. She tried to argue, but the words failed to give sound to her thoughts as wave after wave of calm assurance washed over her, continuing to heal. She seemed to recall something someone had told her…
“...plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for?' ” The voice was old and wise and kind, but in a moment it was joined by another voice, speaking the same words.
“The future you hope for…”
“Can you sit up?” Yudi turned to find herself face to face with the young man. He had gotten down on one knee and was kneeling next to the bed; smiling.
“I…I think so…” Yudi went to prop herself up on one elbow but fell back against the headboard of the berth. The young man leaned closer and placed his hand behind her back, helping her sit up. She felt uncomfortable and the shame of the past seemed to push her away from him as she sidled against the bulkhead of the cabin.
“I’m sorry. You don’t even know me.” He apologized and pulled away, but only after making sure she was steady.
“Martin….”
“What?” Yudi stared at him.
“Martin O’Phelan,” he said softly. Between her Yiddish and everything else she had picked up she realized he was speaking English.
“Yudi….Yudi Sokol….” Her voice trailed off. The part of her accuser that remained firmly entrenched in her heart seemed to scream in her ear.
“Liar…your name is Aram…. Tell him!” She put her hand to her face and began to weep. Martin leaned closer once again.
“Nein…bitte….leave….pppp….please?” The older woman who had been there when she awoke put her hand on Martin’s shoulder.
“She’s scared and alone, Marty….don’t let it get to ye…She’ll be alright.” Martin nodded and stood up. His hand seemed to linger a bit at Yudi’s back before he walked away without a word.
“Shhh… darlin’…you’re okay,” she spoke. Just need to get you home, wherever that is, aye?” She smiled and sat down next to Yudi’s berth.
“Maggie O’Phelan, darlin’. Please to be makin’ your acquaintance. That’s my brother Marty.”
“Wh…where am I?”
“You're on a ship…of course you knew that…..”
“Oh… Ich…I…am on the ship….La Tournaine….”
“No, darlin’. Not exactly.”
“On La Touraine….? Montreal…” She put her hand to her face and shook her head in confusion.
“I’m sorry, darlin’…. You fell overboard. My brother Marty saved you….”
“But Onkel Dieter…Wo ist…Onkel Dieter?” The girl practically sobbed.
“Oh, he’s alright. Not so, I’m sorry to say for so many of those dear ones who perished…the Volturno….it sank….folks from your ship and this one and others…they saved many, including you, darlin’ Your Onkel knows yer on this ship. The captain told me to tell you that your Onkel sends his wishes and something about havin’ a future? Anyway, the radioman said he was cryin’, but he didn’t sound at all upset.
“Aber…mmm….b…but…. Montreal… La Touraine?”
“Sorry, child, but you're not goin’ to Montreal. This is the Kroonland and you are on your way to America.”
To be continued…..
Mi Mancherai (I Miss You)
from the Motion Picture
Il Postino
Artwork adapted from
The Dark Haired Beauty
by Alexej Harlamoff
Comments
Just a Few Minutes Ago
I was thinking I hadn't heard anything from 'Drea. I missed her thought provoking stories; and then, there it was. I wonder if there are any miracles of the supernatural kind in the offing?
Portia
Interesting beginning, am
Interesting beginning, am waiting now for the next chapter.
“The future you hope for…”
as always, you push my emotional buttons perfectly.
Such feels ...
Pardon me, I gotta go get a tissue now ...
Andrea dear, it wound......
Seem this poor girl has already experienced a lifetime of adversity! I can only hope that her luck & life's reached a turning point for the better! I await your next installment with bated breath hon! Loving Hugs Talia