James rang. He has next weekend off and that fits in perfectly. I need to go to Brisbane to see my accountant, and also call on Melissa and John and see how they are going, so I'll go down on Thursday. I will fly back to Charleville on Saturday morning and from there home on Monday morning. I asked James to book me on at the Corones Hotel for the two nights and was very insistent that this time I will be paying. He could hear I was serious about it and gave in with a good grace.

Thursday evening.
I've settled into my usual Brisbane hotel and will get an early night as I will be busy tomorrow. I'm seeing my accountant at eleven o'clock and after that is over I'll be having lunch at one of the city cafes and the afternoon can be devoted to 'retail therapy'. It's been a while since I shopped in Brisbane. Of course Hey has a ladies-wear 'boutique' as they call it, but the stock is somewhat limited and there will be much more choice here. Thus, to quote a far better diarist than I will ever be, “and so to bed.”

Friday evening
It's been a busy day. I was up early and among the first in the hotel dining room where I fortified myself with Eggs Benedict which I greatly enjoy, but keep as a special indulgence. All those calories! Then I was off in a taxi to see my accountant and the results of that interview were satisfactory, considering that we've had a drought which is only now showing signs of breaking. There cannot be another occupation where one is so much at the mercy of the weather, and a few years of drought can easily bring a property to its knees. So, I will continue to proceed cautiously, a philosophy which seems to have served me well in the past and I hope will do so in the future.

This afternoon was another indulgence. Of course, without a husband, I have no-one to answer to but myself on how much I spend on clothes, but there is still that in-built sense of caution which stops me being too extravagant. In all my years with John he never criticised my spending on myself and that only served to make me more self-disciplined. That said, I did find three lovely skirts and two dresses which will do perfectly for whatever social occasions may come up in the next six months or so, without me appearing in the same clothes on multiple occasions. As a moderately large property owner I do have standards to maintain! I also bought a ruched petticoat, and there's a reason for that.

After I finished my shopping I returned to the hotel to prepare for the evening. Once again Melissa and John had invited me to dinner at their place and I was anxious to see how they are now going. When I arrived at their apartment, complete with an Esky of meat, it was obvious that things are going very well. Melissa just looks prettier and more feminine every time I see her, and there is no doubting John's love for her. I am so pleased for them.

As we ate dinner, John said “You look like you are positively glowing Lesley. What's been happening? Have you had a big win at the races?”

Melissa nudged him “John, how could you be so blind? Lesley's in love!”

My reddening cheeks made denial futile.

“Tell us all about him, please Lesley,” said Melissa.

What could I do but tell them about James? Melissa absorbed it all and said “He sounds very nice. When do you see him next?”

“Tomorrow,” I said, “I'm stopping off at Charleville on the way home and staying until Monday morning.”

“I do hope it works out for you,” said John, “You're a nice person and you deserve happiness.”

Am I a nice person? I think I'm a very average person. I have my good and bad points and I can't deny it. Do I deserve happiness? I hope so, but does that happiness involve a long-term relationship with James? There is still much I don't know about him, or he about me for that matter. Every relationship starts out with so much hope, and yet so many don't work out in the end, but perhaps that should not discourage us from trying.

It's been a very pleasant evening with Melissa and John. I had a chance to chat briefly with Melissa while John was out of the room. She told me that she is making great progress and her specialist is very pleased with her. It will be about a year before she finally has her surgery, but she is a very balanced person and seems content to take her time. The good thing is that John is completely content with their relationship. He is looking forward to them getting married when it becomes legally possible – something they could never have done as a gay couple, at least not until the Australian government catches up with the majority of the population.

Saturday
I was up early this morning, packed, paid my bill and headed to Archerfield to fly to Charleville. I arrived there without incident at about 11 o'clock and there was James waiting at the terminal for me. I confess my heart beats faster on seeing him. I think he get more handsome every time!

We drove to the hotel to drop off my suitcase and then headed to the football field. It was the Grand Final today, with Charleville playing Quilpie again, so not to be missed. Quilpie won by a point, but no-one seemed too distraught. James had told me there was an end-of-season get together at the local hall this evening and asked if I would like to go, and of course I had said 'Yes'. To me that meant a lot as it showed that he was quite happy for us to be seen in company as a couple. I had asked him what sort of event it was so that I could dress appropriately. He told me that it was quite informal. There would be a local country and western band and some dancing ('Oh good!' I thought to myself). The last one he had been to was a few years ago, but he was sure things hadn't changed. The men would be wearing jeans and cowboy boots and hats, and the women in bright full skirts with petticoats – a bit like they wear for square dancing.

“I'll take your word for it,” I said, “but if I'm the odd one out I'll insist on going back to the hotel to change.”

James laughed “No danger of that,” he said, “things don't change much in the bush.”

I was dropped off at the hotel about six o'clock and had a shower and changed ready for the evening's entertainment. I had brought along one of the full skirts, the petticoat I bought in Brisbane, and a matching blouse. After my shower I got changed and looking at myself in the mirror couldn't help thinking that I'd just stepped off the stage of 'Oklahoma!' The ruched petticoat gave body to the skirt – a very nineteen fifties look, but I've often thought that the fashions women and girls wore then were the most feminine of the modern era. I hoped James hadn't got it wrong. I did have a reserve outfit just in case I had to come back and change. I did my hair and make-up, including a brighter than usual lipstick, and smiled at myself in the mirror. I didn't think anyone would assume I was that much older than James.

When James arrived to pick me up – very dashing in his check shirt, jeans and cowboy boots, I was reassured. I confess I was not prepared for just how many people were present at the hall – it must have been half the population of Charleville. Also, to my relief, I was dressed just like all the other women present. Judging by the nods and waves, James was known to many of the people present. He lead me through the throng to the side of the dance floor where tables were set up.

“I hope you don't mind sitting with some friends of mine Jean and Jim Stewart,” he said. “Tables are at a bit of a premium as you can see.”

Jean and Jim were a couple in their mid-fifties. Jim got up to shake my hand, and Jean said it was so nice to meet me at last as James had been telling them all about me. They soon told me that they ran a small cattle property a few miles out of town. While nothing like the size of Mackenzie Station, we of course immediately had something in common to talk about, which is probably why James had arranged for us to sit with them.

“It must be very handy to having access to a plane,” said Jean.

“It's almost essential where I live,” I said, “It would take so long to drive anywhere, so when John, my late husband, suggested the property needed an aircraft I could see the sense in it. He was older than me and never learned to fly, so I was happy to take lessons, and run all the long distance errands like fetching urgent goods from Brisbane.”

James had been away for a while buying drinks and returned then and joined the conversation.

Jean said “Lesley has just been telling us about the size of the property she owns, and how she flies here and to Brisbane.”

I saw James eyes widen at that comment, and could have kicked myself. I had carefully avoided saying that I owned the property, but Jean and Jim had jumped to that conclusion and of course it was now impossible to deny it. The band was playing and James asked if I would like to dance. Ordinarily I would have been thrilled to hear him say that, but now I knew that he wanted to get me away from Jean and Jim for a quiet word. Once we were out on the dance floor he looked at me and said “You didn't tell me that you actually own Mackenzie Station – I thought you were an employee there.”

“I'm sorry James,” I replied “I was going to tell you but I hadn't got around to it because I was waiting for the right time when we know each other a little better. I was married to John who owned it and he left it to me when he died. I really wasn't intending to keep it from you. I hope you're not mad at me.”

He forced a bitter smile “No, I'm not mad at you, although I can't help wondering what someone in your position sees in a poorly paid librarian.”

He saw the look on my face and instantly looked contrite. “I'm sorry, that really wasn't what I meant to say.”

I felt like crying, and the tears weren't far from flowing. Was this how it was going to end? Thank goodness we were out on the dimly lit dance floor. Money always seems to mess things up. I was on the point of asking James to take me back to the hotel when he held me close and said, just loud enough for me to hear over the band. “Lesley, I really like you, I mean really like you. If I could take back what I said I would. I suppose I feel that the difference in our financial circumstances might be a block to us getting closer and I would hate that to happen.”

I had blinked back the tears by then and I replied, “It doesn't make any difference to me James. I like you for who you are. I hoped you could see that, but if you're worried your friends will think I am buying your friendship then it's better that we call a halt right now.”

Now it was time for James to look concerned. “I don't care what people think,” he said. “My friends know me better than to think I'm a 'toy-boy', and if anyone else does, then they're not my friends anyway.”

The music came to an end and I said “Can we go outside for some fresh air?” James nodded, and taking my hand we walked outside. It was a mild night with the stars blazing down on us as we moved to an area away from where other couples were similarly enjoying the cool night air after the heat of the day. I had a feeling that this evening was a critical point in our relationship, so if James had found out something about me, then it was time I found out something about him. I took a deep breath and began to speak.

“James, now that you know more about me, there's something I have to ask you. It's been bugging me that there's something about you that you're not telling me and I'd like to know what it is.”

James stood there looking down at me, and then took both my hands in his.

“You're right, I think we know each other well enough now. The fact is that while I am single now, I was married once. Her name was Patricia and to me she was the most beautiful girl in the world. We were expecting a baby.” The look of pain on his face was almost unbearable, and I held his hands tightly.

“I was playing football then and we had to train three nights a week with the finals coming up. Pat dropped me off for training and was coming back to pick me up at ten o'clock. I was out the front of the change rooms waiting for her. She was late, not like her, and then I heard the sirens in the distance, and a bit later a police car came for me. A big four wheel drive had collided with our car at an intersection. The driver was drunk, unlicensed, no lights.”

“Oh James, I'm so sorry,” I whispered, although I don't think he heard me. The expression on his face showed me that he was reliving that terrible night.

“They gave him three years,” he said flatly, “He was out in two. I got a life sentence. That was the last time I went to training, the last time I played football. Too many memories.”

I put my arms around him and hugged him. I didn't say anything – there were no words to say. We stood there for a long time, just holding each other.

Eventually he said “That was six years ago, and I've never looked at another woman until you came along. I suppose that's why I reacted the way I did this evening. I was really starting to think that we might have a future together, and learning that you own a big property, I suppose I was thinking that it probably won't happen.”

“You mustn't think that,” I said. “I don't know what the future might hold for us, but if we let money get in the way, then we've only got ourselves to blame. Anyway, after the drought we've been having I can assure you that we're not eating off gold plates at Mackenzie Station.”

James managed a slight smile at that. “I suppose you're right,” he said. “Well this has been an evening of revelations hasn't it?”

“It was something that had to happen, sooner or later,” I replied. “Listen, the band's playing. I'd really like to dance with you again James. This time I'll be able to relax and enjoy it.”

When we finally returned to our table, Jean said “There you are! We thought you were lost.”

“Perhaps we were,” I replied, “But we're found now.”

To be continued

Image credit: Australian cattle station by Harris Walker reproduced under Creative Commons licence with attribution.