Everything is coming up roses, so why does Cathy only see the greenfly? Read the next exciting episode of this enthralling saga (you're not supposed to laugh! Pout!)

Easy As Falling Off A Bike.
by Usual suspect.
part, twelve thirteens (one for the trisdekaphiles)

I sat in the taxi, my mind in complete turmoil. I felt as if I'd had my soul pulled out and shoved back in. I got what I wanted, my second referral, just the last two stages, seeing the surgeon and getting it done. Shit! I was seeing him this afternoon - Oh hell, I'm still all stuck up!

I got the taxi to stop at a pharmacy where I grabbed a large bottle of nail varnish remover and cotton wool, then continued my journey to the department.

Pippa noticed my mood immediately and rushed off to make me a cup of tea. I didn't notice, I went straight into Agnew's office and sent Stella and Simon a text.

"You seem upset about something, not bad news?" said Pippa handing me my tea, "Oh and Happy Birthday." She handed me a card.

I burst into tears and she closed the door to the office, standing inside it. "Wanna tell me about it?"

I wondered if it was wise, but then surely by now the grapevine would have told her things about me, I took a long deep breath and sipped some tea.

"Have you heard the rumours about me?" I said, looking at her from watery eyes.

"I've heard some gossip, but I don't take notice of that, I go with my own experience of people."

"What did the rumours say?"

"Two things, one that you're a man, which clearly you're not, and that your boyfriend is Lord Somebody or other." She shrugged her shoulders.

"Sit down Pippa, this could take a few minutes."

She did as I asked and I told her my story, edited highlights only and now my confusion.

"Thanks for telling me, I only know the woman I'm seeing now, so as far as I'm concerned you're going for a gynae op. I think it's the right thing for you."

"I think so too, so we have a majority verdict. Must be right then." we both laughed.

"You don't have any doubts, do you?" she asked.

"No, just the trauma of having my head turned inside out. The problem is that rationally there is no justification for wanting to change my body, it's all emotional stuff. I tried to mix the two with the good doctor this morning and it seems to have upset both."

"That's a bit deep for me, I'll make some more tea."

"I'm going to pop to the toilet - might be a few minutes, so don't hurry." I grabbed the pharmacy bag and went off to try and recover something.

The place stank of nail varnish remover, and I suspect I'd stripped the polish off the floor in one or two places, where it had dripped. I got the skin free and just about managed to get all the debris off it. Then a wash in luke warm water and towelled dry with paper towels, this was like a torture. Finally, I took out the little tube of handcream and applied it gently to my now abraded skin. I tucked my bits between my legs, what shrivelled bits there were left.

It was eleven o'clock when I got back to the office for the second time. "Hi, I'll make the tea, Oh Simon rang, he said he'd booked a table for tonight. Is he the Lord....?"

I nodded.

"He sounds really nice, hasn't got a friend, has he?" she giggled as she went back to the 'kitchen'.

I looked at a few letters, but my head wasn't in it, neither was my heart. I wanted to get on my bike and ride away from everything, especially Portsmouth, and not stop until I was on another planet.

"Don't forget you have a lunch appointment, and another medical appointment this afternoon at three."

"Yeah, I know. I'm going to walk to Grainger's, clear my head a bit."

"Okay, I'll hold the fort here, there's nothing that can't wait until tomorrow. Have a nice rest of the day."

"Thanks Pippa, I'll try. I suppose so far it's been okay, just exhausting."

She smiled her response and waved as I pulled on my coat and walked out the door.

The restaurant was further than I thought. I'd never been there before although I knew where it was. I turned things over in my head until it felt as if the whole thing would become detached at the neck and fall off. I actually walked past the restaurant, jumping when someone knocked the window. It was Prof Agnew.

"Where were you going?" he asked when I joined him at his table in the window.

"Sorry, a bit preoccupied."

"Is that business or personal?"

"Personal."

"Everything okay with Simon?"

"Yes, he's as good as gold."

"And your dad?"

"Crabby as usual, but yeah."

"So is this the medical stuff?"

"Yes, I saw Dr Winthropp this morning."

"And?"

"He was nice enough, but he challenged me."

"Isn't that his job?"

"Yeah, I suppose so."

"Not having second thoughts are you?"

"No, not at all, just I feel so traumatised by it all. I feel as if I've been turned inside out."

"Oh, in what way?"

The waitress arrived with the drinks, and I had a glass of wine. We ordered, mine a tuna salad, his another curry. Predictable or what?

"I felt he was trying to get me to rationalise something which is purely emotional."

"To make sure you have thought it through?" he offered.

"Yeah, I can see that, it's just so difficult to do trying to grasp smoke or air."

"And you struggled?"

"That's an understatement, struggled, it was like knitting with water."

He chuckled at my analogy. "Did he support the referral?"

"Yes, yes he did. He's gay and I spotted it. He told me only women or other gay men pick up on it."

"Well as you're not a gay man, he got his answer." Said the professor, "What gave him away?"

"His tie." I said and smirked.

"His tie, why was it pink or something?"

"No it was out of step with the rest of his clothes, they were immaculate and his tie didn't fit. If it had, I might not have noticed, or maybe I would have done. I don't know. He was too tidy for an average bloke, and I noticed."

"Women do, didn't you know that?"

"Yes, erm no, I didn't, I only knew that I noticed these things."

"Cathy, your naivete is at times so refreshing." He put his hand on mine on the table and squeezed gently, I blushed.

"Why do I find everything so hard?"

"Do you? You are the most natural person I know, it's dealing with the schemers and plotters, the hidden agendas, the double dealers which is difficult. At times you are too honest."

"Honest, me? Ha! Look at me, I'm a walking deception, pretending to be something I'm not."

"Is this the last vestiges of Charlie, trying to cling on?"

"I don't know, excuse me." I grabbed my bag and walked quickly to the toilets, where I locked myself in a cubicle and sobbed silently to myself for several minutes.

Was Charlie fighting back inside me? Was I doing the right thing? Oh God, why do these things happen to me?

I imagined Charlie was stood in front of me, and asked him for his cooperation and help. He asked what was in it for him, and I told him nothing except seeing me happy, he would grow fainter and fainter but would never disappear from my heart, nor would I forget his sacrifice.

He looked back at me and we hugged, "Okay," was all he said and vanished.

"Are you okay Miss Watts?" called the waitress knocking on the cubicle door.

"Yes, I'm okay, I'll be out in a moment."

"Very well, I'll tell the professor."

I waited until I heard her leave then went out and tried to restore my makeup once again.

I apologised when I returned to my meal. I was glad it was a salad, only eating the tuna and the tomato. I did drink the wine, which the prof had refilled. I asked for water as well to dilute it.

"Okay now?"

"Yeah, had somethings to sort with Charlie."

"And?"

"He's okay with it."

"Good. Here's to Charlie," he said raising his glass, "A nice boy."

I felt the tears run down my face again, and nodded my agreement.

"He was the cygnet from which the beautiful swan is emerging, his sacrifice was inevitable, he was incomplete a stage in your development or evolution. He knew that, which is why he's gone, his part is fulfilled, his legacy is your freedom. It was his decision as well as yours.

Each decision we make has consequences, they follow each other like day and night, intertwined in spirals of life, each affecting the other."

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Wow! Heavy or what? I thought this was supposed to be a romantic comedy? Where are all the jokes? Complaints to, I mean comments....