Things seem to have returned to normal, which is great. After James's disappearance I've had enough excitement in the past month to last the whole year. He has now graduated from the crutches to a walking stick, and we've even managed to resume some gentle intimacy which is great for both of us.

I had a phone call from Melissa in Brisbane today. I confess I've rather neglected her and John recently, and perhaps I can be forgiven for that, but it was lovely to hear her voice again. I asked how they were getting on and she said 'fine' and then asked about me so I gave her a potted version of the drama of James getting lost in the bush and also of course the big news that we are now engaged.

“That's wonderful news,” she said. “Have you set a wedding date yet?'

“No, not yet,” I replied. “We have a few things to organise but I'm sure it won't be too long.”

“Well, I've got some great news too,” she said. “I've been given a date for my reassignment surgery, six months' time in Sydney. I'm so excited!”

“So was I,” I replied, and my heart thudded as I realised what I had said.

There was silence at both ends of the phone. Melissa broke it first.

“Are you telling me...?” she said.

Once the genie is out of the bottle, nothing on earth will make him go back in. I took a deep breath.

“Yes Melissa, I was once at the point where you are now.”

There was another pause and then she said “You know it did occur to me that you seemed to know an awful lot about transitioning, but you said it was someone that you knew.”

“Well it's true I do know someone else who transitioned. I met her at the specialist's rooms when I was there for a consultation. I had my dear friend Jenny with me for support, but she was on her own, and I guess I tried to encourage her. I said I was talking about her, but what I told you was chiefly about my own experiences. I was only doing it in an attempt to help you.

“I hope you don't think I deceived you. I've always chosen to keep under the radar and I think a lot of transgendered women chose that option. Don't get me wrong, I have great admiration for those women who chose to go public for whatever reason, and perhaps what they are doing is helping get greater public understanding that we are not all drag queens or transvestites as the tabloids like to imply. There's another reason too – I live in the country and the people here tend to be rather conservative in their outlook. I want to go on living as a woman who happens to run a cattle property and that's remarkable enough for some of the folks around here.”

Melissa laughed at that. “Well your secret is safe with me,” she said, “and I really appreciate all the advice that you've given me. If I can become as good a woman as you are, then I will certainly be more than content, and so will John.”

“Thank you,” I replied. “but don't talk about becoming a woman – you already are one. In a way I'm glad you know, although I don't know what on earth possessed me to say what I said. I suppose it shows that we tend to let our guard down with our friends. Something for you to remember.

"You are only the fourth living person who knows about me now. My late husband John knew of course. Well, we weren't married, but as good as; then there was my dear friend Jenny who helped me through the whole process but sadly died of cancer some years back. My specialist, who was a wonderful man, also died some months back. Jenny's husband Tom knows because he met me when I first arrived in Australia. He's since remarried but I don't think he's told his present wife. Then there's Mandy, the woman I told you about, and James knows of course.”

I chose not to explain the circumstances by which James became aware of my past because I still feel a bit ashamed about that.

“Well, I'll treat this information on a 'need to know' basis, and I don't see any reason why John needs to know,” said Melissa.

“Thank you for that,” I replied. “It always seems to me that the more people know a secret, the less of a secret it becomes. Anyway, enough about me, you must be well advanced in your treatment now if your specialist has set a date for your surgery.”

“Yes. He says I'm going really well and he sees no reason to delay it any longer. John is very happy with the way things are progressing. Once it's legally possible for us to get married, then that's what we're going to do. I would like to talk to you again sometime about the surgery. The specialist has discussed it with me of course, but nothing will beat talking to someone who has actually gone through the process.”

“Of course you can. Ask me anything you like. You know it's not going to be a walk in the park, but believe me it's worth it.”

We spoke for a few more minutes and then ran off.

I sat for a while thinking about the conversation we'd just had. Thank goodness the days of someone at the exchange listening in have long gone. Why did I utter those fateful words? Was it because deep down in my subconscious I really wanted Melissa to know, or was it just a case of letting my guard down? I really don't have an answer to that question. I have it in mind to ask Melissa to be my 'Maid of Honour' when I get married, but now is not the time to ask her. It might sound too much like a bribe to buy her silence, not that I think for a moment it is needed.

I went down to the Hey library today. Thanks to James's accident, my books were well overdue, but Miss Marks seemed in a forgiving mood and only charged me half the going rate. As she handled the books I couldn't help noticing the tremor in her hands. I looked away quickly but she had seen me noticing.

“Parkinson's,” she said. “I'm on treatment of course but it's getting worse and I fear the time is coming when I'll have to retire.”

“I'm sorry to hear that,” I replied, although I'm ashamed to say my heart leapt at her disclosure. There was more to come.

“I hate the thought of leaving Hey without a good librarian,” she went on. “I was wondering about that nice young man who stepped in when I broke my leg. I don't suppose you know how to get in touch with him?”

I had to stop myself from bursting out laughing. Dear Miss Marks must have been the only person in Hey not to know that James and I are an item. Somehow I managed to keep a straight face as I replied.

“As a matter of fact Miss Marks, I do. You see James and I are engaged to be married.”

“Oh!” she exclaimed. There can be a wealth of meaning in two little letters. Was she surprised? Definitely. Disapproving? I'm not sure. Envious? Maybe. Pleased for us? I hope so.

“Well as you know Miss Marks, I'm on the Board of Governors of the library, so I must stay at arms length from any selection process involving someone I know.”

“Of course you must,” she replied. “But do you think he'd be interested?”

“That I am sure of, and were he to be appointed, with your assistance I'm sure a very smooth change-over could be effected.”

“I must say I'm rather relieved,” she went on, ”He did quite a good job when I was away before with that broken leg, and that hasn't always happened with locums. Sometimes I've come back to a real dog's breakfast. It's made me not want to take holidays. In view of what you've told me I will write to the Board this week, tendering my resignation.”

I could hardly wait to get back to the Station to tell James the good news. Of course there might be other applicants for the job, but living this far out in the country it doesn't seem likely. This would solve the problem of giving us both a job we love, and in the same place. Perfect!

James's birthday is fast approaching and I have a surprise lined up for him. We've decided to fly back to Charleville to celebrate with a small dinner party including Jean and Jim of course ,and some of his other friends there. A table for eight has been booked at the Corones Hotel. I enjoyed staying there and not only is the food great, but on Saturday night they have a band playing and we can dance, which I always enjoy.

I have made several phone calls to Jean and Jim and other places so that I can give James a real birthday surprise. He won't see this coming.

To be continued

Image credit: Australian cattle station by Harris Walker reproduced under Creative Commons license with attribution.