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Here Comes the Sun
a series of Vignettes celebrating transgender romance
through the songs of George Harrison*

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by Andrea Lena DiMaggio

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Paterson, New Jersey, 2018

Two figures sat in the darkened patrol car as the sun rose over the line of buildings in the strip mall. Almost time to call it quits, which was sadly ironic.

“You still taking lessons?” Rocco turned to his partner; his expression a mask of disinterest that belied his question.

Andi smiled at her partner and sighed. She had been lamenting her lost youth and was dealing with a pre-midlife crisis that included regrets and disappointments. Taking guitar lessons was a means of re-booting the past.

“I… I’m not sure if it’s really worth it, after all,” she said as she leaned out the window of the patrol car. Andi touched Rocco’s shoulder, evoking a wince.

“Making up for lost time doesn’t quite work, huh?” He snapped. She pulled her hand back in embarrassment as she tried to stay attentive, as he turned his head away.

“No. It doesn’t. Let’s change the subject, shall we?” He said without looking at her. Why so angry?

“Sorry…” she shrugged her shoulders at his back in a vain attempt at an apology. He turned and faced her.

“Yeah. I guess you are.” He started the car and pulled out of the parking lot and onto the street, leaving her wondering just how much her presence upset him, and why. And she sighed; her head turned against the car window as she realized just how much she wanted to make up for lost time.

A few days later…

They sat in the patrol car in the station lot. Andi was leaning against the window; her head resting against the cool of the glass in a vain hope of making the pain go away. Rocco seemed to retreat into the other side of the patrol car; as if Andi’s hurt was catching. He glared at her in a final culmination of disdain for his partner.

“You just had to, didn’t you?” Rocco snapped at her. She looked down at herself in embarrassment. What had really changed? Her hair was still short and she was still way too tall for her liking. The only redeeming feature she valued was a detriment up to that point, since her fellow officers often failed to take her seriously; owing to her baby face. Oh well; what was bad only several months before was one of the few things she could point to now that she was back on the job as Officer Andi rather than Andrew McCullough.

“Yes, Officer Bartimaleo. It was either this or a dead partner, so please don’t get so indignant.”

“I don’t buy it. Some doctor waves his hand over you and you’re a girl?”

“Get with the program, Rocco. I’ve known since I was seven. It’s only now after what we….”

“You save my life and suddenly it’s all brand new? You’re a girl because….you finally got some stones?”

“Are you serious? I’m not making a big deal about it. But when I thought you’d …. It made me think.”

“So I’m that important to you? I don’t buy that either. You just want an excuse. You’re weak and you can’t cut it, so you hide. Right? Admit it. I’m right.”

“Okay,” she said as tears welled up quickly.

“You’re right. I am weak. I’m a poor excuse for a police officer. And a human being.” She opened the car door and stepped out.

“You don’t have to worry about working with me anymore. I put in my transfer. No more need to put on a brave face to deal with the abomination riding shotgun.”

“Good. You don’t belong in uniform. Maybe a desk job will do you good,” he laughed.

“Two words for you, Officer Bartimaleo.”

“Yeah, Fuck you too,” he snapped. She frowned and shook her head; the preface probably provoked his response, but all she wanted to do was to say good bye. She put her head down slightly and walked away.

A few weeks later…

“Officer McCullough? You know Smitty here?” Sgt. Mendelsohn used his hand to indicate the woman standing at his side.

“Hello? Candace, right?” Andi said. A very kind looking and even more out-of-place looking woman stood next to Mendelsohn; petite with auburn hair in a tight, professional bun and a toothy grin.

“Yeeehhhs….”

“A bit more confidence might be helpful here, Officer Smith, yes?” Mendelsohn kidded. The woman shuddered a bit.

“I’m sorry, Sarge.” The nerves were a particularly annoying companion to Smitty’s daily routine, but no more than any other rookie. She smiled and he nodded back.

“You’ll be okay. McCullough is fair and firm.” Andi’s eyes widened in surprise at the endorsement. A welcome encouragement considering how Rocco had treated her only weeks before. She had gone through three ‘partners’ in the interim, with all three begging off with little explanation to her and probably a great deal of mewling to Sgt. Mendelsohn.

“Well, Andi, we have to find someone willing to work with you,” he said sarcastically. He quickly added,

“I’m sorry it’s been such a shitty month for you. You’re about as good as they come, and if I could, I’d kick all of their asses; it’s probably where they do most of their thinking anyway.” Andi found herself more than a bit vulnerable from the support, as odd as that sounds. Mendelsohn was not only fair, but a very passionate and compassionate man and likely would have made a good dad had he ever been inclined enough to get married. She resisted the urge to cry; another temptation that plagued her as things inside were sorting themselves out.

“Smitty here isn’t shy; she’s just transferred in after some idiots in her last job decided they didn’t like riding with a woman. Imagine that. Time warp to the 1950’s?” Candace shrugged and smiled, and Andi tilted her head. Oopsies. Not again…. Too soon after her breakup with her girlfriend and way too soon when her career was banging hard against other conventions less obvious if still painfully ignorant.

“I hope you don’t mind? Sarge here tells me you’re trans.” Her voice was almost nonchalant, but Andi’s response was anything but. She turned her head slightly and glared at Mendelsohn.

“I’m sorry you have to put up with such bullshit, but I guess that’s what all of us deal with, present company excluded,” Candace said with a sideways grin toward Mendelsohn.

“My mother always said it’s not where you start but where you finish that counts, right?” She nodded in encouragement and Andi nodded back reflexively; not knowing at all why she agreed.

“I guess the bottom line is, I’m very glad to meet you and glad to be working with you as well. I hope we can be friends. From everything Sarge tells me, I trust you already. I hope I can gain your trust too?” She put out her hand and Andi shook it. Whatever had floated around in Officer Smith’s dryer with her uniform powered up a static spark; leaving both women surprised.

The next several weeks went along unremarkably save for collar of a B&E caught in the act. Just the day-to-day routine that seemed to quickly cement their relationship;purely professional of course, Andi believed.

She sat on the stoop of her apartment doorway; a passive-aggressive moment for sure, since she wanted to be affirmed and yet feared calling attention to herself. She picked up the Martin; seldom used since her teens but still hardly out of tune. After a few moments of tweaking the strings, she put her hands in place and played the old Harrison tune. In a short while, she had regained at least the form she had mastered years ago, but still felt inadequate; especially considering she loved the song and the singer.

“Nice,” a voice came from off to her left. She lifted her head to find Candace Smith standing on the stoop two doors down. Much different than her usual do and duds; she wore tight jeans and a dark blue sleeveless top. Her hair was down and loose and looking a tad wild.

“You live here?” Andi’s eyebrows raised in surprise.

“Just moved in yesterday; my brother is sub-letting with the landlord’s okay while he’s in Germany for his job.” Andi nodded awkwardly. One and even two shifts a day with the woman and now she was a neighbor. Andi stood up and walked over; forgetting she was holding the guitar.

“Having trouble with those sevenths? It’s not a perfect fit, but you can play a natural there or just rest through the reverb…. You know? Let the last chord just …you know….sustain?”

“You know your stuff, partner.”

“I played in a band in high school and I had been tutoring up til I got out of the academy.”

“Ah…Renaissance Cop?” Andi regretted the jest even as the words escaped her lips but Candace just smiled.

“It’s why I get the big money,” she laughed. Andi felt a chill run up and down her spine.

“Here…Let me show you….” She held out her hands and Andi placed the guitar in the woman’s grasp; no mean feat considering the past few months had shoved very hard against Andi’s trust issues. As the exchange took place, Andi’s hand brushed against the soft down on Candace’s wrist; evoking a shock quite like the one that shot through them the day they met.

“I look at you all see the love there that's sleeping while my guitar gently weeps…. I look at the floor and I see it needs sweeping…Still my guitar gently weeps,” Candace sang even before she began playing.

After a few bars she smiled and began to play; weaving in and out of the song with much more improv than Andi could even dream to manage. Andi put her head down; a feeling of frustration wrapped around needless shame grabbed her. The music stopped abruptly and she felt her partner’s hand touch her face softly.

“I have to tell you. I put in my transfer,” she said slowly; almost deliberate and vague. Andi nodded her head without raising her gaze.

“I…I understand.”

“No, Andi, I don’t think you do,” she said; softly laying her hand on the curve between Andi’s neck and shoulder, which evoked another wince.

“I can’t very well live near you and work with you and seduce you, now can I. Since the apartment is dirt cheap and they have plenty of things I can do across town?” Andi tilted her head; confused.

“Are we friends?” It almost seemed too soon but for the quick bond they had developed. Andi nodded.

“Do you like me?” She smiled with a very wry grin. Andi tilted her head again.

“Yeehesss?” Andi said, almost echoing the first word Candace had uttered when they met..

“Well then….” Candace stepped back and cradled the Martin once again.

“I look at the world and I notice it's turning while my guitar gently weeps…. With every mistake we must surely be learning… Still my guitar gently weeps.” She grinned a toothy grin.

“I’m sorry, Andi, but I don’t have time to play the games we’re stuck playing.”

‘But I’m…. I’m….” All the shame and disappointment that had been festering for months came spilling out in a flood of tears.

“With every mistake we must surely be learning? My mistake may be that I’m too damn impatient. Yours is easy. You’re too damned hard on yourself. Between us we can fix what ails us. Let me start?” Candace laid the Martin gently on the stoop behind her and pulled Andi into a comforting embrace.

A door opened up from the unit between their two apartments and a nice man in his eighties - very Italian looking - stepped out with frisky Corgi on a leash. He looked over at the two and smiled and winked and walked past them up the sidewalk and around the corner.

“I’m so sorry for being so abrupt, but to quote the movie, you had me at hello.” Andi looked at her in disbelief, which evoked another grin and a nod from Candace.

“But…”

“But what? I already know about you. And I’m here. For whatever reason, Goddess knows we needed to find each other. I didn’t plan this. My brother came to me out of the blue, and it wasn’t until yesterday afternoon that I realized we would be neighbors. So I’m going to find a nice guy or gal I can ride with to serve and protect out there. The only question remains; is can I serve and protect you in here?” She patted Andi’s chest over her heart and pulled Andi into another hug, but continued by kissing her with way more affection than any two police officers had ever displayed in Paterson, New Jersey. And as they kissed the old man came around the corner with his Corgi practically skipping past the two. He winked at Candace and Andi and smiled.

“Ah, Amore; Amore bello,” he said with a soft chuckle before he walked up the steps and into his apartment.

“Andi?”

“Yes?”

“Let’s go make some music!”

While My Guitar Gently Weeps
Words and music by George Harrison
As performed by Lizzy King
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncBQisb_NK8