Secondhand Life - Part 27

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I headed back to L.A. the next morning. I was beginning to feel comfortable traveling unescorted. I was about to say alone but Katherine was never really without 'people' ...handlers, aides, assistants of one kind or another. I began to realize how many 'little people' the celebrity industry employed and found myself wondering what these people would be doing for a living otherwise. I even began to think of the paparazzi and their role in the ...ecosystem. It may seem like an alternate reality, but Katherine's world was real to the people in it, and I was beginning to better understand how all the pieces fit.

Kirk seemed genuinely happy to see me. He had never been un-friendly, and aside from the ...good natured?... teasing at Brett & Lena's party the night of the premiere, he had always been cheerful and professional. But this time I sensed a real excitement in him. He quickly made it clear that after a long talk with Dez, he was bursting with enthusiasm over my 'big idea'. I realized that in his other musical gigs, he had always been the guy behind the scenes, just part of the creative team, and happy to be there.... but with a crew coming in to document the making of the soundtrack, he would be getting screen time with the rest of the cast, and he was quite looking forward to his 15 minutes of fame. I chatted with him about savoring the thought of sending copies to family, friends and all the people he grew up with who made his own school years so awkward.

“Revenge of the 'Band Geek'?” I kidded. He grinned. “Yeah, success is the sweetest revenge.” I smiled. He was definitely a kindred spirit.

The USC students were both eager and wary. They seemed excited to be part of this team, yet a bit stressed working on such a high profile project. Kirk and I tried to calm their anxieties and gauge their enthusiasm. It was the first time I had been on this side of the hiring process, and I hope I hid that I was at least as nervous about it as they were.

Kirk was my rock. He handled most of the process, gracefully allowing me to interject or ask a question. Fortunately, no one expected Katherine to be too chatty during the interviews. I think my actual role was to sit there like a big preying mantis while Kirk observed how intimidated the interviewees got by my presence. I had Katherine's eerie stillness down cold, so that part was easy. Still, my heart went out to a lot of these kids, knowing that my primary job was to make them squirm.

We wrapped up our last interview/audition at around 5:30 and Kirk invited me to join him for drinks or food. I politely declined, explaining that I had a previous commitment, and asked to hold him to that invite another time.

“I don't recall you ever being this busy.” he smiled. “I always thought you just went back to your hotel....”

“...and crawled back into my sarcophagus until it was time to return to work?” I grinned.

He laughed nervously. “Something like that.... yeah.”

“You obviously never read the tabloids. I used to have fun fun fun... till my daddy took the T-Bird away” I grinned.

His jaw nearly dropped. I don't think he ever expected Katherine to make a joke at her own expense. I thought to myself 'yeah. She would. She doesn't take herself too seriously. It just never occurs to her to joke.' It was an awkward moment and I needed to dispel it.

“Now, I just work work work” I smiled. “...Dinner meeting.”

Kirk nodded. I think he was relieved. After I reminded him of the tabloids, I'm sure he thought back to a time or two when Katherine had been somewhat worse for wear the next morning. I asked him if we could discuss the days candidates over a working breakfast or brunch. He liked the idea, and we agreed to meet the next morning.

Then it was back to the hotel, and get ready for dinner with Doctor Dale.

***

I had thought a lot about how I wanted to present at this get together. I knew we would be discussing my future... not Katherine's.... not really L.C. anymore.... we would be discussing who I was and who I would be. I wanted to 'tone the Katherine down' as much as I could, but still be as clear as possible who I was now.

The fact that Dale had invited me over to his place and promised me a home cooked meal came as a surprise, but a very welcome one. The casual and private nature of the setting made it possible to dress down much more than I ever would have dared, having to be seen in public as Katherine.

I chose a simple mauve top over a comfortable tee shirt bra, high waisted skinny jeans and simple black ballet style flats. The makeup was basic and understated, and I chose some very simple pewter earrings and matching pendant, a few understated rings and chain bracelet. I wanted to look like I was wearing things I could have bought for myself at any shop anywhere. Even though in truth, everything was custom cut for Katherine's rather unusual frame and therefore fit better than anything I would be able to acquire for myself without a personal tailor. I wanted to play-down any Katherine-ness and highlight the ME-ness. ...or at least the me I aspired to be.

The one indulgence I did allow myself was a spritz of scent. I knew this was Katherine's trademark fragrance, and became gloomy at the thought that, however my life would go after this charade ended, that fragrance would invoke connections to Katherine that I would not risk, so I would have to find a scent of my own, preferably as far away from Katherine's to blur any connections or comparisons. So while I still had the ability, I indulged in her fragrance, which I had come to adore.

I threw my things into my black leather bag, I think it was the simplest purse Katherine owned... Another 'souvenir' of a shoot that had stayed unused in a drawer until I discovered and fell in love with it. I grabbed a black linen blazer and scarf and headed to the lobby to grab a cab. I figured showing up at Dale's house in a limo would be a very Katherine thing to do, and I wasn't sure what his neighbor situation was. For a brief moment, I thought of calling an Uber, but again I wondered if that would be odd, since I was leaving the hotel as Katherine, but arriving at Dales as ….me.

I thought for the briefest instant of driving a rental myself, but Katherine's license had been suspended, and while L.C. had a valid license, if I did get pulled over, the only one they would believe would be Katherine's. So cab it was.

I was glad to have the Hauteshot company card to pay for the cab. Dale lived a lot further out of town than I expected. In a really nice area that lacked the ostentation and tour buses of proper celebrity homes, but still had the stunning views, large grounds and seeming seclusion one expected in posh Hollywood. I guessed that this was where the behind-the-scenes money lived. Studio heads, agents, lawyers... the real meat and muscle of the industry. The cabbie had no trouble finding the place but commented that he never came out here, shrugging and saying folks around here had private drivers.

I tipped him generously enough that he wouldn't grumble about all the fares he was losing on the long drive back. Then, with just the slightest hesitation, I walked up to Doctor Dale's door.

I smirked as I pulled my finger back from the doorbell at the last moment. I made a fist and pounded on his door. I waited a few moments and pounded louder.

When Dale finally opened the door, I looked at him sheepishly and muttered “...I didn't see the bell...”

He hesitated a moment, then his eyes crinkled as he got the callback.

“That's not important.” he smiled. “You're here. And looking.....” he paused. That threw me. “....comfortable....”

“That's a word I wasn't expecting. …..It's.... really accurate... but I wasn't expecting that. What made you choose that word?”

“Well.... I was just reflexively about to say you looked well, or lovely, or some other pat greeting, but as I took a good look at you, I stopped and thought to find the right word. You do. You look well of course, and lovely is a given.... but ...this...” he stepped back and regarded me up and down “....this is new.... It's casual... more casual than I may have ever seen Katherine. I mean, yes I've seen her dressed down and sick with the flu in sweats and flannels... but this is ….together but not really.... I'm not sure exactly how to describe it.... breezy and unpretentious and casual but....”

“I think comfortable sums it up.” I smiled.

“....It's not really a ….Katherine look.....” he frowned.

I laughed. “No. I don't expect 'comfortable' ever was. Which is kind of the point. We're not here to talk about Katherine are we?”

Dale shook his head, gave me another long look and grinned. “We're not really here to talk about L.C. Either. Are we?”

I smiled back. “Maybe in the past tense. Maybe as the prelude to where I go from here. ….after the Katherine thing is over.”

“Yes. We have a lot to talk about.” he smiled and placed his hand in the small of my back as he guided me to his rear deck.

A woman I had never seen before rose as we approached the sliding deck door. She smiled reflexively and startled just slightly as her eyes bore into me.

“Janice Karidoyanes, “ he began the introductions then looked at me uncertainly.

“I'm sorry. We never discussed how you would like to be addressed?”

I thought about it for a moment. Then looked at them both with the most solemn face I could muster.

“I've always been rather partial to 'Your Royal Highness'...” I deadpanned.

That broke the tension and the woman threw her head back with a laugh so full I think it even surprised her.

“Ummm.... I guess Elsie's fine.... it's what people always call me anyway, and I guess it fits as much as anything....” I meekly smiled.

“All right then.” Dale chuckled. “Janice Karidoyanes, Elsie McGuinness.”

I shook her hand politely and got a good look into her eyes. She was still appraising me, but I sensed no malice or apprehension. What was her relationship to Dale, and what had he told her about me? I was sure I would find out before the night was over. Dale primed the pump.

“Janice and I have known each other since school... She's one of my oldest and dearest friends.”

“Oh.... So you're not a....”

“Yes.” She smiled. “' 'Fraid I am..... and I have a wall full of diplomas and licenses to prove it”

“Oh.” Was she here professionally or socially? “...So do I call you Doctor Kary... Karo...” I floundered.

“Karidoyanes” She smiled. “Yeah. It's a mouthful. Just be glad you don't have to spell it! ….just call me Janice.” She had a very soothing demeanor.

“You're a psychiatrist” I smiled. She just stared at me stunned while Dale laughed.

“I told you she was perceptive” he chuckled.

“What on earth gave you that idea?” She asked, clearly startled... but more curious than offended.

“Well, you are a doctor.... and you have a ….let's say you have a more comforting….” I looked at our surroundings and smiled “...deckside manner... than I would expect from an average M.D. ….or god forbid a surgeon.”

She actually laughed at that, and smiled at me genuinely maybe for the first time since we met.

“I'm beginning to understand why Dale's so....” she abruptly caught herself.

I think she was getting too relaxed and almost let slip something she had not intended to divulge. I shrugged it off. I was sure I would sort everything out in time.

“So are you here in a ….professional capacity?” I raised an eyebrow and gave her a sly smile.

Dale quickly interrupted the conversation.

“Where are my manners? Can I get you something to drink? I hear from my spies that you have a fondness for mojitos?”

“Actually, Katherine does.” I smiled. And I caught the two of them exchanging glances.

“...but like so many things about her, I find that I took to them like a duck to water. So yes, please. A mojito would be lovely!” I smiled graciously. As Dale walked off to his wetbar, I refocused on his companion.

She regrouped quickly and found her friendly but slightly distant place.

“Dale and I go way back. He knew me back when I was Janice Leighton... just another struggling med student with big dreams...”

“...AND bigger student loans!” Dale laughed from the wetbar across the large rear deck.

“So, you're married.” I smiled politely.

“WAS....” she returned my smile. “A long, long time ago. It didn't stick. But the name did. ….it just seemed like too much trouble to change all the diplomas and licenses... and besides...” she grinned wickedly, and I heard Dale chortle from across the deck.

“I really like writing 'Subject seems delusional and possibly dangerous to themselves or others. Immediate intervention and medical custody is imperative.... J.K.' ” And she shot me a look. It only took me an instant. My evil smirk made her eyes crinkle. She turned to Dale across the deck. “I see what you mean. She really is!” Then turned her gaze back to me with a conspiratorial smile.

I wasn't sure whether she was pleased that I got her joke, or that my smirk betrayed my twisted sense of humour, but she seemed to relax a bit more, and quickly the evening evolved into a friendly dinner with Dale and his ….ladyfriend.

Dale informed us that he would be barbecueing that evening and realized with some horror that he hadn't inquired as to my dietary restrictions.

“As long as it's not shrimp. That would be kind of racist” I teased. He seemed anxious that I might be vegan and was concerned about what he had to offer that I could eat.

“Don't worry. I mostly eat vegan as Katherine. I don't know if she's full blown vegan or keeps kosher or what.... but personally.... I'm not opposed to the pleasures of flesh.” I quipped. Then gasped when I realized how that sounded! I felt my heart stop and my face burn bright red as I regarded Dale and Janice with a stricken look and I'm sure eyes as wide as saucers. My hands flew to my open mouth and my brain groped – with futility – for words.

They just stopped cold and spun to look at me. I know it was just the briefest of moments, but there was dead silence as I stood there totally mortified. Until they both erupted in laughter.

“Oh GOD!” I blurted. “I didn't MEAN....”

They could barely compose themselves as they held onto each other to keep from doubling over as they heaved hysterically.

“I've heard some Freudian slips in my day....” Janice gasped “...but.....” she struggled for breath as she fought to quell the guffaws. Dale just waved his arm mutely. He still couldn't speak.

Eventually they calmed down and the blood finally left my face for the rest of my body. I was still acutely embarrassed, but things were simmering down.

“Oh my god. If you could have seen your face!” Dale laughed to me while Janice nodded vigorously beside him grinning like an idiot.

“I guess we can add that to our list of things to talk about” she smirked. I cringed in humiliation.

So it was steaks and grilled veggies, a few more mojitos and a lovely shiraz with the meal. Dale and Janice swapped war stories. I found myself thinking these two go back as far as Katherine and Dennis. They both knew each other from the time they were kids deciding who they were going to be in the world. And I started to think about me. Who was I going to be in the world. And would I ever find someone to share it with?

The evening seemed casual and amiable, but I didn't fail to notice that whenever the conversation turned to me, the subject had a certain …consistency and pattern to it. I talked to them about growing up in Newstead. What I recalled about being a really young child ...before I was old enough to go to school. My relationship with kids from school and other non school contemporaries ...of which there was really just my cousins and their friends. I told them about other family relations... mostly uncle Kevin. I could see their discomfort, but made it clear to them that Kevin wasn't picking on me and that he was like that with everyone from total strangers to his own little brother. Which got us on to the subject of my dad. And our ….detente. I made it clear that that was how I chose to view it, because like uncle Kevin, it was what it was, and the only control I had was on how I dealt with it and how I let it affect me. I think I slowly got them to come around and see things from my perspective. Whether they agreed with me or just understood my point of view is unclear.

Then the conversation turned to Katherine and the 'zany scheme' as Dale kept laughingly calling it. Janice seemed to know most or all of this already, but still seemed intrigued to hear it from my perspective. I think she and Dale both agreed that while it seemed preposterous, although typical of the sort of thing the studios would cook up, against all odds it worked beyond anyone's wildest expectations. Because of me.

I blushed and waved it off, but they insisted that I acknowledge that it couldn't have worked with anyone else. Not likely with an actual female Katherine Keller impersonator, and that it was inconceivable with a male Katherine Keller imposter.

“You mean any other male.” I laughed. I was feeling quite uncomfortable at them claiming that I was the human equivalent of a winning lottery ticket.

“No.” Dale said quietly and seriously. “We mean a male.” Janice nodded solemnly.

“Well. I was.... I mean I still am technically....” it was frustrating trying to sort this out precisely.

“Do you really still believe that?” Janice asked. “After what you've been through? After what you have told us of your childhood?”

“Oh.” Dale turned to Janice. “You have to ask her about the spa. And the ….epiphany... did you call it?” He shot me a look. I nodded glumly.

“I know you're telling us about L.C. growing up. About his experiences, and reactions. So we're asking you to think back on them again... as Elsie growing up... about the things that happened to her... and how she reacted to them under the circumstances, and the way everyone treated her.” Dale said not unkindly.

I reflected a bit while they both observed me, sipping their wine in the crisp night air. I think they saw me scowl as I re-parsed things and thought about Elsie's childhood. What would surely be the same and what might have been different, and in what ways. I think they read on my face the emotion welling up as I reflected on what might have been, because Dale stood up with a loud sigh.

“Anyone for more wine?” he asked with just slightly forced joviality. Janice shook 'no'. I smiled weakly and offered my empty glass. As he walked over to the bottle, Janice leaned into me.

“What's past is passed. You made it through to who you are here and now.” she smiled comfortingly. I returned a weak smile. “The real question is where do we go from here?”

“You mean where do I go?” I smiled forlornly.

“You're not in it alone you know. It's your journey, but you're not alone. No one goes through this alone.... it takes..”

“..A village?” I smirked. She mock scowled.

“I was going to say a team.... but yeah.... I guess a village is a kind of team... each member has their role.”

“So you're saying, you think I can....”

She smiled warmly and the twinkle in her eye made me blush.

“OK. I can't say anything officially. This was just some friends getting acquainted over dinner. Strictly social. But Dale wanted me to meet you. He STRONGLY wanted me to meet you. And I trust his judgement. And everything he told me about you has been more than borne out by our meeting tonight. I would really like to work with you professionally.”

“As a psychologist...” I said hesitantly.

“Psychiatrist. Actually my title is gender therapist.” she smiled. I nodded. Of course.

“So this dinner was really an audition... a screening?”

She shook her head vehemently. “No! It really was a dinner. Dale just thought we'd hit it off, and whenever he'd talk about you ….we really are old friends and colleagues.... well, he told me, in professional confidence about the plan to bring in a double while Katherine was ...out of circulation, and how he'd been called in, which was not too unusual as he is Katherine's regular physician. Then he started to regale me with stories he was hearing about how well you were handling the masquerade. He got me intrigued, but I was skeptical about some of the stories I was hearing. So I began looking for myself... Googling Katherine Keller in the news. I saw the Catalina photos and was stunned to think you weren't the real Katherine. Then between Dale's tales and my guilty pleasure of reading Katherine Keller news online, I was growing to share Dale's fascination with this mysterious ringer who was more Katherine than Katherine. Then he called me with his suspicion that you had been covertly seeking the real Katherine. How she had noticed a guy stalking near her house but he wasn't behaving like a paparazzo. Dale wondered if you hired someone to find her. Then you abruptly cut your Europe tour off. He was certain you'd twigged. He has a sixth sense about that sort of thing. He used his connection as Katherine's doctor to get your flight info and high tailed it to Connecticut to intercept you before your big confrontation.”

I just nodded. Seeing all the pieces fall together.

“It was all just conversation between old friends who could confide in each other. I've always loved his tales of Hollywood behind the curtains and, I have to admit, this was by far the best one yet.”

I smiled wanly.

“We got together after he flew back with you, and I was naturally eager to hear about 'the confrontation'. He told me everything he witnessed, as well as Katherine's version of what happened before he arrived. Then he told me of your conversation on the plane. About how you had almost instantly grasped Katherine in a way he had never before witnessed and was still trying to wrap his head around.”

I nodded. She stopped and regarded me for a moment, and sucked in a long breath.
“Then he told me about L.C.”

Funny to think back on it. She was the one who inhaled deeply, yet I was the one who kind of deflated with a large exhale. We just stared at each other for the longest time. I think we were both trying to read the other. I think we both failed.

“So you didn't know?” I finally said quietly. She shook her head vehemently.

“Not only did I not know, even when he told me, I couldn't actually believe it. I SAW the Catalina photos online.... the You Tube videos of various press appearances... I read tweets and rumors about some of your stunts. I had been impressed by it all. But to think this was all done by someone the world believed to be ...and raised as... a BOY? I've been a gender therapist for years and pride myself on being more open minded than most. But I really couldn't wrap my head around THAT. Dale saw that I was struggling to reconcile this. THAT is why he invited me here. ...and he thought we might hit it off. I think we have.”

I nodded.

“You're bright and insightful, charming and certainly NOT Katherine Keller.”

“I'm deliberately trying NOT to be tonight.”

“Mission accomplished. Granted, you still look uncannily like her.... even though I can't imagine her wearing.....”

“...kind of the point.” I shrugged. “And as for the resemblance... yeah, even sopping wet in a hoodie and cargo pants and my own shorter lighter hair, making no effort to.... I kinda... well, that's how this all started.”

She nodded. “That I can see. And I can see what gave them the idea. The opportunity just fell into their lap and they took it. And YOU ran with it.” she smiled. “There's just one thing I can not wrap my head around.”

I shot her a quizzical look.

“How in HELL did you convince anyone you were a BOY for 18 years?”

I shrugged. “I wasn't very good at it.”

Janice smirked. I suddenly felt the need to defend L.C.

“Look, I have no boobs ….to speak of.” There was just the slightest bit of puffy, flabby pectoral muscle which I grabbed and squeezed through my tee. Ouch.

“Neither does Katherine.” she said flatly.

“I have no hips either!”

“I'm told Katherine wears pads.” she said matter of factly. I nodded. Wait, did I just betray that I knew about the pads?

“And you don't really shave?” she inquired. I shook my head sadly. “Your frame is rather ….slender”

“I'm sturdier than I look” I protested.

“But no one would ever call you ...beefy.”

I cast my eyes down as I let out a tiny, bitter laugh. No. No one would ever call me 'beefy'.

“But between my legs.... no one can refute that I have...”

Janice nodded and held up her index finger to interrupt me... then changed it to her baby finger as if to make a point.

“Marginal. I think Dale used the term ...borderline....”

“Borderline? What's THAT supposed to mean? Borderline WHAT?”

“Have you ever heard the term 'ambiguous genitalia'? There's sometimes a very fine line.... often a very blurry line... between an abnormally stunted penis and an abnormally enlarged clitoris. It pretty much comes down to plumbing, and....”

“I pee just FINE.” I found myself getting defensive. Why on earth was I defending having a penis? I really had no great love for the thing, and had actually found doctor Dale's handiwork a great source of relief.... at least for being Katherine.

“All right. You pee through it. Is that all?”

“What do you mean is that all? That's what it's.... oh.”

She nodded solemnly. I simply blushed and nodded nearly unnoticably.

“Look. That's something we can discuss should you decide we should start a relationship. Which I for my part, hope we do. You and Katherine are perhaps more alike than you realize. The difference is that she is who she is and is OK with it. While you are still in the process of discovering who you are.”

“I know that L.C. the boy is in my past.”

She nodded.

“I don't really know about the future. I really need to know if I can live as a woman.”

She started to say something but I held my hand up.

“Look. I know deep down.... in my heart of hearts who I am. What I am. I just don't know if I'll be able to convince the world or if I'll just have to live a lie for the rest of my life.”

She wasn't expecting THAT. “...part of the process is a Real Life Test. But you've already been living as a woman with spectacular success for months now!”

I smiled at her sadly. Shaking my head slowly as I spoke. “I have been living as Katherine Keller. An absurdly rich and pampered celebrity with minions to do everything for her, from choosing her wardrobe and doing her hair and makeup, to cooking her meals and keeping everything in her life purring smoothly. What part of THAT is a 'Real Life Test'?”

Janice gave me a look, a long penetrating look that slowly blossomed into a wide smile.

“God, Dale said you were bright and perceptive, but he doesn't grasp the half of it!”

She started nodding vigorously as she spoke. “You're absolutely right. We know you are totally comfortable portraying a celebrity supermodel 24/7. A FEMALE celebrity. And yes, that does count for something. A lot, in fact. Still, you're absolutely right. That is in no way a real life test. So. What do you propose to do about it?”

“Well, first.....” I kneaded my chin as if lost in thought, although I long had known what I would say when this moment finally arrived.

Janice regarded me patiently.

“First I think I'd like to start growing some boobs.”

The dumbstruck look on her face quickly turned to hearty laughter.

“I could probably be working a respectable B cup by now if Dale actually put anything GOOD in those shots!” I said loudly so he could hear us. I knew he was keeping his distance so we could chat privately. He turned back to me smiling.

“Sorry. No can do. You have to be Katherine, so breasts and curves are out for now! Anyway, giving you 'the good stuff' as you call it would be a no-no without proper bloodwork and other fun stuff first. I know my reputation, but you of all people know that reality can be quite different than what 'everyone knows'!” He said with a wicked grin.

I just smiled back. “A girl can DREAM, can't she?”

Janice laughed. “Look, if you'd like to, I'd like to start seeing you as soon as we can. I know you still have the Katherine thing to do, so I think the blockers are just fine for now. Still, I'd like to get some bloodwork and some physical exams.... bone density scans... have you ever had a DNA test?” I shook my head. “Well, there's a lot we can do in the 'laying out the groundwork' department. Lots to talk about too. Legal matters.... documentation.... family matters....”

“Oh God.” I blanched.

“Everything in its time. It all starts with intent.”

I nodded.

“OK. Just for the record. What do you intend?”

“I intend to correct the medical and bureaucratic issues preventing me from living my life as the female that I now realize I've always actually been.”

“Not exactly legal boilerplate, but clear and concise. Fine. We can sort out the legal niceties when we actually start filling out paperwork. I just wanted to be certain of what you wanted.”

“Could I be more clear?” It sounded snarky, but it wasn't meant that way, and I don't think she took it that way. She shook her head.

“Nope. Couldn't be clearer.” she smiled.

We all toasted to the future, sparkly bright. I groaned when I realized what time it was and wondered how easy cabs were to get in Brentwood at this hour. Doctor Dale graciously offered me a guest room and speculated that Katherine may have left some items in the drawers that I was welcome to. I had no idea that Katherine had ever stayed at Doctor Dale's, and realized that there was still an awful lot I did not know.

I graciously accepted the room, but found that the only thing Katherine – or someone – had left in the drawers was an old baseball cap. So I just stripped off my pants and jewelry and prepared to sleep in my tee and undies.

I was so tired and fuzzy from the wine that I almost forgot to remove my makeup, so I found my way to the bathroom down the hall and scrubbed my face. I had a quick pee and padded back to my room to crash for the night. In the hall Janice and I startled each other. I don't know if she was sleeping with Dale or in another room, and figured it was none of my business as long as they didn't keep me up all night. Janice just stood there, looking me up and down standing bashful in my tee and panties.

“How the HELL did you ever pull off being a boy for 18 years?” she grinned.

“Beats the hell out of me.” I wearily shrugged and staggered off to bed.

***

I woke to the smell of fresh coffee and toast. And the sticky taste of regret. It took a few moments to peel the film from my brain and get my bearings. Once I finally sorted out where I was, I tried to remember how many mojitos I had the night before. I thought I had been modest and well behaved the night before, but it sure didn't feel like it this morning. Then I thought mojitos + wine with dinner = morning remorse. Lesson learned. I gingerly dressed and didn't even bother putting on makeup. I just shuffled to the rest room and put a cold wet cloth on my face. That helped a little. I staggered like a zombie downstairs and found Dale and Janice on the sunny back deck.

“Now you're looking more like Katherine!” Dale laughed and handed me a glass of what I presumed was juice. “Drink it down all at once.” he admonished. “Trust me. I'm a doctor”

“So was Kevorkian” I grumbled. That brought a laugh from my two hosts. But I did as I was told and tossed it back quickly. I wasn't sure I'd be able to hold it down, but that didn't seem to be a problem. It tasted like cough medicine.

“Ech! I thought this was juice!” I moaned.

“Juice based.” Dale grinned. “But much more high tech. You're dehydrated and your blood sugar's likely shot. Lots of sweet fruit juices, megavitamins, anti inflammitories and some natural painkillers. ….kind of home made red bull.... but better” he grinned. “Trust me. I've been working in this town for years. I've learned how to make a quick fix-me-up.”

I had my doubts, but within a short while I was feeling human again. The aroma of breakfast was actually making me feel hungry, which took me by surprise. Dale offered to fix me something, but I figured it was safest to just have some dry toast and an egg white omelet. Which Dale gleefully prepared on his gas grill. Janice caught my look.

“What is it with boys and open flames?” she grinned. I smiled and shook my head.

“I think they're just finding their inner Flintstone.” I teased as I gave Dale a look. Janice nodded gleefully. “I say, whatever it takes to get them to cook.” That crack earned a big smile from Doctor Karidoyanes and a snort from Doctor Dale.

As my brain slowly approached full function, I scowled and excused myself while I went inside and fished for my phone. When I reached Kirk and nervously asked if we could reschedule our brunch meeting, he just laughed.

“I didn't know what you had planned when you told me you had a prior commitment last night, but I already knew the odds of brunch were 50/50 at best. Have fun and we'll talk later.” he said airily and without the slightest hint of annoyance or resentment. I breathed a sigh of relief and swore to make it up to him.

I explained to Dale and Janice about my frantic call to Kirk. Dale just waved it off, saying no one expects Katherine to make meetings more than half the time... and morning meetings are much longer odds. I still felt badly, but I must admit a sort of guilty relief that Katherine had set the bar so low that no one got angry when things didn't go as planned.

Dale, Janice and I had a leisurely brunch and chatted. I didn't feel like a specimen under a microscope. If Janice Karidoyanes was sizing me up, she was very very subtle. We mostly talked about the odd bubble that Katherine lived in, and I sensed that both Doctors were relieved to see that while I adjusted to it startlingly fast, I never for a moment lost sight of how surreal it all was. Janice obliquely hinted that it would make it much easier to transition from Katherine's world into the world where I'd begin to create a life for myself as Elsie.

I reminded her that I was still going to be a resident alien in Katherine's world for the better part of a month while we toured Asia and collaborated on the original cast album. I asked Dale if he had any idea how Katherine would feel about that. He dismissed my concern, assuring me that he knew her long enough that he was pretty confident that she would understand it was just another requirement the studio placed on the Thornbirds cast, as escalating commitments were commonplace in her world. He was certain that her primary reaction would be relief that I was doing her 'additional chores' since the only thing that caused her more distress than the Australian accent was the singing. He assured me that she would be more than fine with me doing all the work while she got all the credit. I was just excited to get the chance to do this project, even if no one else never knew it was me. It would be an amazing experience I would always treasure, and I was already being ridiculously well paid for the whole Katherine gig. I would know. Mikey would know. And Dez of course. I was fine with that and still grateful for the amazing adventure.

I shared a few ideas I had for P.R. stunts on the Asia tour with Dale and Janice and caught their exchanged glances. Finally Dale just laughed and said “I can't imagine how you expect to pull any of that off.... but given your track record... I look forward to seeing how you manage it.”

Janice just nodded and asked “Have you given any thought to our working together? I must admit, I found all the stories on the web a bit hard to believe... but after meeting you and spending some time.... I really really want to get to know you better Ms McGuinness.” She gave me a big, warm smile.

“I'd like that too.... but I don't see how it will be possible.”

She slumped a bit and looked a tad perplexed.

“I'm just here on a temporary visa. As soon as the Katherine gig is up, I'm supposed to go back home and be L.C. again.” I frowned.

She started to say something, but I raised a hand and she let me go on.

“We all know that not ALL of that is going to happen. But the expiring visa and going back to Oz... Well, that seems unavoidable. It looks like I'll just have to find my way on my own.... unless you can give me a referral” I said with a mixture of hope and sadness.

She pursed her lips and furrowed her brow. Finally, she said with just the slightest smile “You of all people should know not to make presumptions. What part of your trip to the states has gone as expected since that first day?”

I grinned. She had a point. “I really would like to see you professionally... though I have no idea how on earth that could happen. Still, you're right. I will entertain the possibility in the remote hope that somehow we will find a way to make it happen.”

She nodded vigorously. “That's good enough for me for now. Something tells me that you ...or fate... or something... will find a way. Improbable seems to be your middle name.” she grinned.

“Actually, I was thinking of 'Claire'” I smiled. “Last night I gave it some thought and decided to sleep on it. I like my initials, if not my name. I'd like to eventually get it changed to Laura Claire, I could still be L.C. or Elsie... to those who knew me... if they still want to speak to me.” I shrugged. Strangely, I wasn't really bothered by this. L.C. didn't really have any friends, and even my relatives were at best politely distant, or at worst ...uncle Kevin. So if they wanted nothing to do with me, little would actually change. I found myself more concerned at the thought of the new people I would meet as Elsie. Since this was my true face, it suddenly mattered how people felt.

She nodded. “Why Laura Claire? ...if I may ask.”

I shrugged. “Grandparents. Laura is my mother's mum. I love her to bits. She's so fun and full of life. She lives near my uncle Shaun and I look forward to seeing her every time we visit him. Claire was my dad's mum. She died when I was really little. I just remember her being very old and very sad. But I guess she was formidable in her day. My mum used to tell me stories of when she and my dad were courting. I think the word she used was 'imperious'. So, yeah. I think taking both my grandmothers names would be a great way to honor where I came from.” I grinned at her. “I get to keep old family names and don't even have to change my initials. I never did know who the hell Lorenzo and Carlton were.”

Janice looked at me oddly. There was something in her eyes, but I couldn't sort it.

“Is it possible that you were always intended to be named after your grandmothers, and when you came out and the doctors said 'boy', your parents quickly improvised and you became Lorenzo Carlton?”

I was so stunned I forgot to breathe. Why hadn't this thought ever occurred to me? It made so much more sense than any of the nonsense I'd been told whenever I asked. I just stared ashenly. I think I may have nodded. I'm not sure. I was having a brain cramp. I think my reaction told Janice everything she needed to know, because she quickly jumped into 'damage control' mode.

“Oh well... she said airily. Something else to discuss with your mother when the time arrives. Meanwhile, doesn't Katherine have a full schedule? I'm heading back into the city. I could drop you.”

I nodded mutely, still struggling to wrap my head around everything. Then I realized that it was time to pull it together and get back into Katherine mode. There was a lot to do, and the morning was wasting fast.

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Comments

I really love Elsie's desire

I really love Elsie's desire for her adopting Laura Claire as her real names, so she can stay with her initials L.C.. I am of the frame of mind that I believe after the dinner meeting with the two doctors, Janice and maybe Dale will both find a legal way to allow Elsie to remain in the U.S. Many people are allowed into the US for various medical reasons, so perhaps she may fit in one of the parameters for that. A wonderful story that still keeps me waiting expectantly for the next chapter in Elsie's life.
Janice Lynn

Wow this was wayyyyyyyy intense

The psychological tear down. Man. One can virtually feel the tearing and rearranging of her psyche to make space for a framework around which Laura Claire can exist. Borrowing a computer term, I knew it but this confirms it that she has managed to virtualize Katherine and thus retain her own identity. One can feel the struggling to 'pull off' the Katherine costume and say 'Hello world' I am Laura Claire.

I can imagine why this chapter too longer to write.

WOW Kat

Christina H's picture

This was some chapter very intense and very revealing It seemed so lifelike and brought back many memories.
No wonder it tok you so long to write, So LC is now going to become the girl he should have been - great.

I feel the Asia tour is going to be interesting as is what happens after - can't he just have little boobies??? an A cup for instance. That's just me dreaming

Great Story

Christina

"So LC is now going to become

"So LC is now going to become the girl he should have been..."

I have a suspicion that "she" was always there and others saw her but she did not realize it. Looking back, my experience was similar.

And, though she will be forced into it, I question the need for a shrink at all.

Gwen

I think the unable to go back thing isn't exactly forced

It's more 'now that you know, you can't UN-know'.

I think the shrink serves two purposes... Going through the required process to transition properly (as well as moving forward on the medical front), but most importantly, as a sounding board where Elsie can talk aloud about the things on her mind... with the reader eavesdropping. I think I lifted that approach from 'The Sopranos'. ;-)

The tricky part is less transitioning into a female role, but from pampered celebrity ringer into ordinary human being ...who happens to be freakishly tall & slender and NOT make people think of any familiar celebrity...

But that's all for later. The immediate agenda is more Katherine mischief until at least the encounter with mum & dad back in Oz.

I'm still trying to get mack into 'mischief mode'. It's proving harder than I anticipated.

But things will lighten up with the next installment. :-)

K@

Grrr...ate

Love your LC character. Zany, Insightful, and less introspective than a typical TG character. Just delightful.

Grrr...ate

Love your LC character. Zany, Insightful, and less introspective than a typical TG character. Just delightful.

Visa extension

A little Google research indicates a 6 month visa extension is not hard as long as there is proof of financial solubility. Anything beyond that is more difficult. OTOH if one has Katherine Kellar sponsoring you ...

Excellent

littlerocksilver's picture

Just a very well done bit of writing. Eagerly waiting for the next edition.

Portia

Lovely

Watching Laura(As we now know her) grow into herself has been a fun and awesome ride!

Thank you

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