Secondhand Life - Part 28

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I called Kirk from Janice's car .

“Thanks for giving me a pass on the working brunch. I had dinner at Dale Coughlin's and the conversation went so long, it just made more sense to stay the night.”

“Doctor Dale?”

“Yeah. He's my... well, we had a lot to discuss with the upcoming Asia trip.... especially after the ...premature end to the Europe tour.”

“Oh, right. I totally forgot. So, are you all recovered?”

“Fully certified and good to go.” I laughed.

“So last night was ...a housecall?”

I laughed. “In an inside out sort of way. Only Doctor Dale could persuade his patients to visit him at home.” I laughed and caught Janice's glance. “Besides, he grills a really mean sirloin.”

Kirk snorted. “I'd scrutinize his next bill and make sure he didn't itemize that as 'protein supplements' or something.”

I just laughed. Doctor Dale did seem to have a reputation. But the better I came to know him, the more I trusted him.

“So, what's on for today?” I tried to steer him back to business.

“Well, Eoin flew in from Toronto this morning, so...”

I reflexively squealed, which I quickly stifled, but not before getting a ...look... from Janice.

“So, piece by piece the team's getting back together!” I exclaimed, making no effort to hide the excitement in my voice. “He can help us pick out the documentary crew!”

“Well, not today. He has a commitment this afternoon. A celebrity fundraiser...”

“In the afternoon?”

“Well, actually it's a charity softball game.... for Hollywood Cares.... at UCLA”

“UCLA?”

“University of California Los An...”

“Yeah. I get it... and it makes more sense than Dodger stadium I guess....UCLA. So it's Eoin and a team of celebs playing ball against college kids for charity?”

“Pretty much.”

“Oh... nobody mentioned it to me.”

“Would you actually GO?”

“Well, sure.... it's for a good cause.... hell, if they asked, I'd actually have played.”

Kirk snorted. “Yeah right. OK. I'm calling your bluff. We're going to the game to root for the team.”

“Which one?”

“What do you mean which one?”

“Well, sure I'm SAG, but some of those college jocks are really hunky.... then again, I suppose our team needs all the support it can get... going up against real athletes...”

Kirk just sighed and I could tell he was shaking his head. “Fine. I'll pick you up at 2.”

“Make it 2:30. I'm staying at....”

“God. Katherine.... don't you think I know by now? You are such a creature of habit....”

“Well, if I'm that predictable, maybe I need to shake things up a bit.”

“Uh.... what do you mean by that?”

“I'm not sure yet” I said, and I knew Kirk could hear the smile in my voice “...but I'll come up with something.”

“Dare I ask what that was all about?” Janice inquired after I put my phone away.

“Oh, there's a charity fundraiser this afternoon ….for Hollywood Cares... and no one even asked me if I wanted in.” I pouted.

“I take it you do. What kind of charity fundraiser?”

“A softball game at UCLA. I'm crashing it anyway. At least I can watch.” I was getting a bit upset about being excluded.

“Is that really the sort of thing Katherine would do?” Janice asked gently. I think she could see I was getting agitated and was trying to talk me down.

I shrugged. “Maybe not. But I think I've demonstrated that the Katherine who routinely runs the paparazzi ragged is certainly up to a game of celebrity softball.” I made no attempt to hide my wounded pride.

“I'm not so sure Katherine would want to spend all day in the sun watching actors play team sports.”

“It's not just actors.... there are singers too... and dancers....” The more I argued my position, the weaker it got. Until I found my ace. “AND probably stuntpeople!”

She laughed. “I'm sure the seats will be filled with people wanting to witness feats of athletic prowess!”

“Oh, cut us some slack!” I groaned.

“US? YOU were not invited.”

I grimaced. “You're right. I'll show them....”

Janice glanced over at me. “.....you're planning something.... what?”

“Nothing.” I pouted. She just continued glancing at me while negotiating her way through traffic... saying nothing. Finally I broke.

“....Yet...” I muttered quietly. I saw her smirk out of the corner of my eye. We were almost to my hotel.

“Need a lift?” she asked, innocently enough. I just looked at her.

“...I mean to the game... My afternoon is free, and something tells me I want to see this.”

I shrugged. “Suit yourself. But no promises you'll see anything. Can I trouble you to make a quick stop before I get ready?”

Janice was kind enough to let me make a quick run into a Sports Authority store on the way to my hotel. She stood, arms crossed, near the front of the store, observing me as I tore through the place quickly honing in on exactly what I wanted.

It took no more than ten minutes. When she commented on this, I told her of my 'date' with Jared and how he did not believe I could get ready in ten minutes, but clocked me at eight. In both cases, I cited my SNL experience as tremendous training in getting the most done in as little time possible.

She shook her head and smiled. “When I was growing up there was this game show where people would shop against a timer. You would have bankrupted them.”

“It's all about focus. I know what I need to crash a softball game, but I hadn't packed anything because this was never part of the agenda.” I smiled.

She just grinned and glanced at my large shopping bag. “Something tells me, this is gonna be good.”

“From your lips to God's ear.” I grinned back.

***

Janice accompanied me up to my hotel room. OK, it was really a suite. She just took it all in, a bit wide eyed. She reminded me of my cousin Mikey that first night when we went to Dez's suite.

“Is this typical?” she asked still sounding distracted as she seemed to be trying to take everything in.

I shrugged. “Yeah. Pretty much.” then I made eye contact with her and grinned “...for Katherine.”

“When you said being Katherine wasn't a 'Real Life Test', I kind of understood, but ...this...” she swept her gaze around the suite. “I really get it now.”

I smiled back at her. “Yeah. It's kind of like 'how are you going to keep them on the farm in Kansas once they've been to Oz'” Then the irony hit me and I laughed. “Or in my case... how are you going to keep them in Oz....”

Janice chuckled back, and shot me a warm look. “I think your odds are better than most. You seem to be staying grounded and keeping everything in perspective. You don't seem to be taking any of this for granted.”

I shrugged. “Well, I have to in a way... to be convincing as Katherine, I have to take all the trappings of her world in stride. But I can't lose sight of the world I came from, and the world I will return to when this is all over.” Suddenly all the implications of that statement hit me, and I think for just a moment my expression went ashen. It was just for an instant until I noticed and put my game face back on, but Janice caught it. She gave me a long, penetrating look.

“It won't be Katherine's world, that's for sure. But it really won't be L.C's world either, will it?”

I shook my head. “Not in any way that really matters. Still, it's a world of finding a job, finding a place to live....” It was sounding glum, but I found a way to lighten it up AND make my point. I grinned at her. “It will be a world without ….minions.”

Janice laughed. “Some people need minions. They would be helpless without them. YOU... don't strike me as helpless.”

I smiled at the compliment. “I hope not... or I'm done for. No. I'm sure things will work out. Though for the life of me I have no idea how... but all I really need to know is the general direction and the next specific step. And right now that means getting ready to crash the game.” I grinned and dashed into the bathroom for a quick shower and to prepare.

I breezed out of the bathroom, fully dressed, plopped down in front of the mirror for a quick touch-up, pulled my hair into a tight ponytail and fed it through the back of the baseball cap, grabbed my new satin baseball jacket, slung my bag over my shoulder and grinned to Janice. “Let's go.”

She raised an eyebrow ever so slightly. I knew she was expecting something more than a long sleeved top and a pair of loose madras slacks. She would find out soon enough, I chuckled to myself.

We found the 'charity game' on one of the UCLA practice fields. For a fundraiser, there was a remarkable lack of publicity. The stands seemed reasonably full, so I guess they had some publicity, but I couldn't spot it. They also had a camera crew. A large camera crew. Were these press or some in-house publicity machine? I couldn't tell. It looked like the game was underway, so Janice and I made our way into the stands.

I looked for Kirk, but didn't see him. We watched a few familiar Hollywood faces come up to bat. They all seemed like the new crop of future heartthrobs. Not exactly a cross section of Hollywood... and surprisingly absent the usual faces you see in the press coverage of these industry charity events. Where were the veteran action stars who had the time in their schedules at this point in their careers to attend these events and sign autographs for fans who remembered them? Where were the B-listers eager to be seen hobnobbing with the big names? This field seemed like all young up and comers. And all guys, I noted with more than a trace of annoyance. What, did someone not want any women on their celebrity team? We were half of Hollywood, and I could instantly think of a dozen names of female action stars who could easily hold their own with these boys. And they were boys. It was really hard to tell the USC students from the SAG members. Except I recognized a few faces from some of those Disney teen musicals Mikey liked to watch, and I think a few were familiar from small indy films. Still, it was all beefcake. No not even beef. Veal. Was this a cross section of the industry or just the cast of a Magic Mike spinoff? And what would Eoin be doing in this crowd? Besides drooling, I snickered to myself. This was not at all what I expected.

Suddenly one of the batters got brushed back by a pitch, and time was called. A guy walked out to the pitcher's mound, and suddenly I recognized Eoin. He was managing this team? That seemed like a waste. I knew from experience that he was fit, and as a dancer he was also agile and had stamina and coordination. Why wouldn't they let him play? I glanced at Janice, confusion on my face. She returned my querulous look.

“What?” she said.

“This isn't at all what I expected. They're all awfully young.”

“Says the eighteen year old pretending to be twenty four” she wickedly whispered in my ear.

“No. It's not that. I expected a ...cross section... it's a charity game. Where are the usual faces? The Benjamin Bratts and Damon Wayans? Jennifer Garner and Geena Davis... the folks who always turn out for these charity events?”

Janice just shrugged. “You seem to know a lot more about these than I do”

“My cousin is kind of celebrity obsessed. I've seen my share of celebrity charity things. But this isn't like any of them.” I explained. Janice nodded absentmindedly. I'm not sure if she understood what I was saying, but she seemed content to watch the sweaty young guys run around the field.

There was some kind of break. All the players left the field, but the game didn't seem to be over. The public address system announced a fifteen minute break. This seemed really odd for a baseball game, but as the crowd stretched and the teams on the field regrouped, I excused myself and made my way down to the field.

I saw Eoin before he saw me. He was talking to one of the young players and a guy with a camera.

“Sweetie!” I shrieked and ran up to him, wrapping my hands around his neck and planting a huge (Hollywood) smooch around his firmly shut lips. I really played it up, standing on my toes on one leg, kicking the other behind me like every goofy 1950s romance movie. This was actually a lot more difficult than I expected, since most 1950s ingenues were shorter than their leads – even if it meant the guys had to stand on boxes, so stretching up on toes for a smooch worked for a great silhouette, but I was substantially taller than Eoin, so I actually had to stand back a bit, arch my back to use up some extra height and place much of my weight on my arms around his neck. Fortunately he didn't recoil or I would have fallen flat on my face. I actually think the arched back thing may have made the look even more sexy. Yeah, this moment called for a Hollywood Kiss, so I gave the bystanders the whole classic thing.

Eoin was startled in many ways. I think he would have been happy to see me under other circumstances, but he was so surprised there was no room for any other emotion.

As I pulled my face back and beheld his adoringly, cradling it in my hands and squeezing it like a baby's... with just a hint of mischief in my eyes, he muttered through his scrunched and contorted face (I was NOT letting up) “Oh. So we're still doing this are we?”

I couldn't read his expression. Of course I couldn't. I was squeezing his face so tightly with my hands he couldn't even make an expression of his own. I removed them and placed them on his shoulders, smiling.

“As far as I know, since we still have Asia coming up. Then you're free to dump me.” I pouted overdramatically. I was met by a warm grin. I was relieved to realize that we were still good.

Then he furrowed his brow and looked over my shoulder at something that dismayed him.

“KELLER!” The voice shouted. I quickly spun around to see one really annoyed woman storming toward me.

I recognized her almost instantly. She was another Australian who came to the states to make her fame and fortune. I think she and Katherine may have crossed paths when her modeling career was winding down and Katherine was just starting out. I knew her best from her many roles in quirky films and cult TV series. She always played a rich or spoiled ….bitch.... who always gets her way one way or another. But she also is outrageously funny, in a very under-the-radar way. I was a very big fan. Let me clarify... L.C. was a very big fan.... but it looked like she and Katherine had … a thing....

“What the hell are YOU doing here?” she demanded.

“I heard there was a charity game, so I came out to support my sweetie!” I made doe eyes at Eoin, who just kind of squirmed.

She rolled her eyes and shot him a glare. He shrunk down and muttered “...I have to... um do this.... um.... GO....” and he quickly scurried off. Leaving the two of us kind of facing off. I really wasn't sure what was happening... but I figured I'd sort it out.

“I was a little hurt that I wasn't even asked.... but then, I thought it would be a more ...diverse... team. Now I don't feel so snubbed, since I'm not a 17 year old boy.” I grinned looking at all the guys milling around.

She just snorted and started to say something, but caught herself.

“You wasted your time coming here. It's not what you think. And you can tell Eoin that you two are not fooling anyone. I'm not an idiot!” She spun on her heels and strode off. I turned to look for Eoin, who was standing alone about 20 meters away looking very sheepish. I walked over to him and he made no effort to get away. He just stared uncomfortably at the ground.

“What was all that about?” I asked.

“I had no idea you were coming. How did you even find out?”

“Kirk-”

Eoin cut me off with a snort. “Of course. Me and my big mouth. If I knew you were coming I would have warned you. I think you're the last person she was expecting to see.”

“What the hell is going on here?” Rather than clearing things up, I was getting more confused. “I thought this was a celebrity game for charity?”

“Well.... sort of” he replied meekly. “The cover story is that it's a fundraiser for Hollywood Cares, and they ARE getting a sizable contribution. But it's also a kind of a guerrilla shoot for a project that we're trying to get greenlit. It's a teen comedy about a bunch of rich boys whose prep school goes under when all their parents are wiped out by a Bernie Madoff type swindler and they go on the road as a minor league team won in a divorce owned by one of the kids rich stepmothers played by...” and he cocked his head in the direction of my ….'nemesis?' “....I play the bookish English teacher who gets drafted to manage the team and ….distract... the rich bitch owner.”

“So this isn't a charity game at all?”

“Sort of. The charity's getting a sizable donation, but it's also kind of a casting call for ballplayers... and a way to shoot some pages we can polish up and take to the studio to greenlight the project that we have already started shooting.” he grinned.

I grinned back ...sadly. “Too bad. Because I came to play!”

Eoin smiled back. “Shhhh... we came to work.... but maybe after we're done, we can see if anyone is interested in a little pickup game.”

I nodded and made my way back to the stands. Now that I realized what was going on, things made more sense. No one would take a fifteen minute break in a game, but whoever had planned this obviously wanted to review the footage they had and discuss whatever else they still wanted to get. Suddenly, the game on the field became far less interesting. I filled Janice in on what was really going on and mentioned that I no longer felt hurt at not being invited. She just shot me a look. I then pulled out my smart phone and started searching for the woman on the field I had just had the run in with.

I got the usual Wikpedia, IMDB & celebrity site hits until I searched for her name and Katherine Keller. Then I got hundreds of hits on 'the feud'.

I had no idea. Apparently it went way back. I could not get specifics on just what caused it, but it seems like these two wrangled since Katherine's earliest modeling days and peaked when Katherine 'stole' the Thornbirds role from her... I wasn't sure reading the quotes if this was a real enmity or just another bit of drama cooked up to keep both of us in the press. Yes, I was thinking of myself as Katherine, because at the moment, for all intents and purposes, I was. So it was best to find out if this feud was real or a publicity scheme like the romance with Eoin.

We watched a little more of the game, then the crowd was directed over the P.A. to leave the stands and rush onto the field after the next play, which I presume was to be the big climax. It all went like clockwork, the 'team' rushing out to storm the pitcher after catching a line drive and ending the game. I grabbed Janice by the elbow and explained that we had best join them or we would be the only ones left in the stands, drawing attention to ourselves and possibly ruining the shot. Once we got down to the field, I pushed her to join the crowd and mentioned that I could not be in any crowd shot since I could stand out. I slipped away behind the cameras and watched the scene play out right down to Eoin sweeping my rival up in his arms and carrying her off with the joyous crowd as she grabbed the cap from his head and tossed it into the air. I guess if you're going to steal a move, you could do worse than Debra Winger, and knowing how Hollywood likes the familiar, I'm sure that move just made the project even more bankable.

Everything was finished and Eoin put her down as he walked toward me grinning.

“I think we got it.” he said to his costar as she struggled to ...dismount.

She just shrugged and shot me a glare. “....Freak...” she nodded icily.

“...bitch...” I replied with a nod of my own. I sensed a Seinfeld/Newman vibe between us and hoped I played it right. Judging from her scornful smirk, I did.

“That's a wrap everyone.” A voice said over the P.A. System. “Thanks for all your help. Extras to the tables by craft services for pay and paperwork.”

Quickly a crowd gathered around us as people sought autographs, Eoin and the rest of the cast were gracious and entertaining, but when people started asking for MY autograph as well, I caught a contemptuous glare from my rival... which made me all the more happy to comply.

“She has nothing to do with this!” I heard her declare to anyone willing to listen. “What is she even doing here?”

“I thought it was a charity game. I came to help. And play if I could.”

She just snorted.

“I thought I could help raise money. I still do. Tell you what....” I said loudly to my rival “Right here, right now.... if we can get enough people for two teams... you and me... three innings.”

“What are the stakes?” she shot back.

“If you win.... I'll sell my Boxter and donate all the proceeds to Hollywood Cares.”

“That's if you ever get it out of impound!” she snorted.

“If not, I'll match the bid out of pocket.” I said. I had just put a big chunk of Katherine's money on the line. I would worry about that later.

“And if you win?.... What do you want from me?”

“Your green card?” I smirked. That was met with a snort and an icy glare.

“Forget it freak. I married a citizen. I'm not going anywhere.”

I smiled at how easily she could be goaded.

“And she's welcome to you too.” I smiled. “I was teasing. But it's not the fun I expected. Too easy.” I shot another amused look.

“It doesn't matter because I'm not going to lose.”

“Don't you mean WE? It takes a team.”

“I. We. Same difference.” she was getting really annoyed.

“Sure thing your highness.” I grinned, which drew a laugh from the crowd gathering around us. I spotted Janice hanging toward the back, a slight smile on her face.

“OK. Who wants to help me put this arrogant gatecrasher in her place?” she yelled into the crowd.

Everyone squirmed awkwardly, reluctant to get involved in this catfight, let alone publicly pick sides. I put up my hands and looked into the crowd.

“Look, it's OK. We need two teams to settle this. And it IS for charity. So please, help us out here – whichever side you end up on.” I smiled. People started stepping forward.

“I'm not just taking whoever volunteers. We need to pick our teams. Any problem with that, Keller?”

I just smiled serenely, shook my head and waved my hands before me in acquiescence. Which only annoyed her more.

I thought we'd alternate our picks, but she immediately pointed to nine people and snapped “You! You.... You... You... yes YOU... get over here! ….you” etc. Her team seemed more like conscripts than volunteers. After she had picked everyone she wanted, she turned to me and snapped “pick!”

I would have thought the pickings would have been pretty slim by that point, but the crowd had grown. Apparently word of the 'celebrity catfight' was spreading.

“OK. I know some of you are just getting here. Here's the deal. Three innings for charity. The forces of light...” I waved my arm from my head to my waist “versus the forces of....” I shot a look at my rival's pursed lips and narrowed eyes “...versus the forces of ….snarkness” That got the laugh I'd intended and only made my rival seem to coil tighter. “It's just three short innings for a good cause. It will be fun. Just a friendly game, No harm no foul. Well.... OK, maybe fouls.... but no harm. You have my word as a celebrity.” That earned a laugh. Including Janice who was taking all this in from the back of the crowd.

“So if there are any volunteers, step on up.”

That brought a larger crowd than I expected. Including a surprise face in the crowd.

“YOU!” I pointed to Matt Cutler, who blushed when all heads turned to him. I crooked a finger and he came up to me, quite self conscious.

“What are you doing here?” I whispered.

“I go to school here.” he said just a bit petulantly, but with a big smile on his face.

“No. I know that. I mean what are you doing here? Right HERE?”

“I heard there was some big celebrity cat fight going on, and some friends wanted to check it out.” he cocked his head in the direction of a few guys craning their necks to hear what we were whispering about.

“You can do better than that. Where's your camera?”

“What?”

“It's pretty bright, so we won't need a flash. And I DID promise you a photo op, way back when. Time to make good. Where is your camera?”

“Back in my dorm.”

“Can you get it quickly?”

“Duh!” he smiled and bolted off like the Flash. That startled the crowd.

“Any other volunteers?” I asked and they all drew back slightly.

“Oh. Don't worry about him.” I said motioning my head in the direction Matt ran. “It's perfectly safe. I don't bite.” I heard my rival snort at that remark. No one was stepping forward, so I looked around and started picking people... beginning with Matt's three friends. I figured that if they all came over together, they may have been nearby because they're all athletes. They all looked at each other and came over. Good. I was already a third of the way there. When I pointed to Eoin he just put up his hands & shook his head. I understood. He had to keep the peace. It would be impolitic for him to take sides.

“Picking your 'boyfriend'?” came the sneer.

“I don't think we should drag him into this” I said.

“Oh, please! If I wanted him, I would have picked him. He's too old to play.”

“And you aren't?” I raised an eyebrow and was met by a contemptuous laugh.

“You think I'm playing?” Suddenly I counted up the people on her 'team' and it hit me.

“Oh, so you don't have the guts to play?”

“I know how to use talent. They're the muscle. I'm the brains.”

“You mean they're your army of flying monkeys and you're the....”

“All RIGHT ladies...” Eoin stepped between us “Let's not do or say anything we can't take back.”

We glared at each other. I still wasn't sure if it was all just show, but we each sparred as if we meant it. If it was an act, I was fully committed to it. And if it wasn't, I was curious to find out why there was such bad blood. Either way, it was ON... and I think the crowd was getting into it.

I was a little surprised that there was no real press, but I guess they knew what I didn't, ..that this 'charity event' was just a cover for a shoot for a speculative project. I smiled at the thought that whatever did happen at the game, the only one who would have any coverage was Matt Cutler.

I stalled for time, quibbling over rules and giving pep talks to 'my' team as I waited for Matt to get back with his camera. I didn't have to wait long.

When he got back, he was surprised to find his three mates on 'my' team. I quietly asked him if they were also from the track squad & he grinned and nodded. I placed the three of them in the lineup ahead of myself and asked my group who was the 'power hitter'. No one volunteered, but a few of the students looked at this one guy, so I figured he would be my secret weapon.

The game got off to a slow start. The other team batted first, and we were pretty bad in the field. On one really messed up play, my rival who was standing near the first base line started berating my right fielder. She made a loud gagging sound and cupping her hands to her mouth taunted 'You throw like a GIRL!'. I was at shortstop and just turned to look at him blushing.

“There's nothing WRONG with that. Just throw like an athletic girl!” Everyone laughed and I think I neutralized the taunting. The more she did it, the more it just made her look like a bully who had to resort to name calling. Everyone noticed... even her own team. The only one who didn't seem to see it was herself.

By the time I finally came to the plate, we had runners on first and third. I really had never played ball as a kid... no one wanted the gangly freak on their team. Still, I knew I was in shape and figured I could do well enough. Plus I had the power of surprise on my side. At least initially.

Before stepping up to the plate, I walked over to Eoin and asked him to hold my stuff. He nodded. Then gaped as I removed my loose madras pants and top to reveal a pair of very short shorts and my runners top. Fortunately, the day was warm and I had been exerting myself as much as possible covering the infield, so I was appropriately shiny with slight sweat when I stepped up to the plate. The slight patina of perspiration on top of the baby oil I'd massaged in after my shower left me glistening like a bodybuilder in the sun. In the best case, I'd blind the pitcher as the baby oil caught the sun, at the very least I was sure my long limbs and preying mantis-like crouch over the plate would rattle him.

It seemed to work, as the first pitch came so far outside the catcher had to lunge for it.

My rival was unfazed. She stood as close outside the batters cage as she could without stepping onto the field and continued to berate me. I was actually having more fun – and success – fencing with her taunts than playing ball.

“Jesus Keller! Those shorts are so small, be careful little willy doesn't fall out!”

OK. I'm sure she doesn't know I'm not Katherine. And there's no WAY she could know about L.C. Dale had mentioned Katherine's ...ambiguous bits... and Dennis had teased about her 'serious camel toe'. These two had modeled together ages ago. I bet she knew Katherine was self conscious about that and it was a sure fire way to rattle her. ...Screw that!

I just stepped out of the batters box and smiled at her. “Don't worry. Willy's safe at home, still unopened in the box you gave me.” I smiled. She went bright crimson, scowled and stormed away. 'Direct hit', I clucked to myself and stepped back into the batters box feeling a bit smug.

I don't know what possessed me do it, but I scraped my trainers in the dirt a little, looked at the pitcher, then around at the field. All eyes were on me, so I raised my bat and pointed at left field. I saw that once in a movie before the hero hit a home run. Sure it was posturing, but I thought maybe it would rattle the pitcher.

Wrong. It simply pissed him off. He let one fly, but I was already determined to send one out of the park, so I threw what weight I had into the swing and connected.

The ball took off like a bullet. In a direction I had never imagined. It was a foul tip. It shot like a rocket at a near right angle and flew about 6 inches from the head of you know who, who was still storming away when she felt the wake as the ball shot past her.

The crowd gasped and I was mortified. But when she spun to glare daggers at me, it all turned to indignation as I mouthed silently to her 'THAT WAS FOR LITTLE WILLY!' and returned to take the next pitch. I don't know if it was deliberate, or if he was still gun shy after I nearly decapitated his team manager, but the pitcher walked me. Which was good, because I sucked at bat. Fortunately the next guy was the power hitter I'd hoped for and we scored a few runs. I helped by stealing second, which the pitcher hadn't expected. And between Matt's track team mate on third and me on second, a decent hit to right field gave us time to bring two runs home.

The two teams were pretty well matched, meaning neither of us were very good. And after two and a half innings the score was 12-10. We needed at least two runs to tie, and I really wanted to win. I don't know if the rivalry was real or not, but it was feeling real and I wanted to shut up that trash talking bitch. The best way to do that AND keep the high ground was by being a gracious winner. Matt's mates were all on base and I knew the pitcher had it in for me. Again I stepped up to the plate, narrowed my eyes and stared at him, raised my bat and pointed at left field... saw him scowl as if to say 'oh yeah?' then I shrugged, and pointed the bat off field, in the direction of the disastrous foul tip. The crowd laughed. Then I pointed it up to the back of the batters cage. This time even the pitcher laughed. I stepped in and crouched, tensed to throw everything into this swing. And sure enough he delivered it like a meteor, I stepped into it and pulled back as hard as I could, draining as much as much energy as I could out of the ball, bunting as it headed for right field like a bowling ball tossed by a three year old. I reached first long before it did and bringing in our guy on third.

Our 'power hitter' scared me to death. He was trying so hard for a grand slam that he was swinging at air and I thought our secret weapon would backfire. Finally with a full count, he got modest and hit a ground rule double which was enough to get us the game.

The team erupted and what crowd lingered after the shoot came down to the field to congratulate us. Actually, I think they mostly came down to get pictures with us. Which I hammed it up for, Eoin graciously posed with anyone who asked and even our bitter ice queen swallowed her bile enough to pose with fans or even with the three of us and fans. I drafted Matt to get the photos of anyone who didn't have a friend of their own to hold their phone camera. I couldn't resist making bunny ears when the three of us posed for photos, Eoin always diplomatically in the middle. And I might have been in the background... or looming directly behind and above making distasteful faces when my rival was posing for single photos with fans. Nobody told her this was happening, although everyone else could see it, and I kept doing it... to the point where people who had already posed for pictures with the three of us asked for photos just with her. I'm sure she was feeling smug that she was the only one people were asking to pose 'alone' with. I would have loved to see her face when she checked instagram and twitter later.

Janice came up and joined us as the crowd broke up. I introduced her to Eoin simply as a good friend of Doctor Dale, and mentioned that we just came from his place.

“So, what.... He just gave you some kind of Wonder Woman shot so you could come down hear and kick ass on the field?” Eoin grinned.

I held up my hands laughing. “Absolutely NOT. No funny business. We didn't even know about the game until I called Kirk from the car coming back from Dale's. I am just as God made me..”

THAT got a look from Janice.

“....Besides.... if there are going to be ANY accusations of 'Roid Rage' we all know who to direct them at ….and I don't mean STER-oid!” I laughed.”God, she can be such a pain in th....”

“Jesus, Katherine!” Eoin laughed. “Would you cool it? I have to work with this woman! At least I hope I will.... if they like the....”

I interrupted him this time. “Of course they will!” I said encouragingly. “Personal feelings aside, watching you guys out on the field, it was obvious even to ME that you two have chemistry.” I gave him a big smile and a little shoulder bump.

“You really think so?” he said sheepishly. I knew he really needed to believe this. I smiled warmly and nodded, gazing reassuringly into his upturned eyes. At that moment, he seemed like a five year old seeking approval. I tried to give him the assurance and confidence he seemed to be fishing for. '….actors....' I smiled to myself.

I asked Eoin if there was anything else he was needed for on this shoot. He shook his head and confirmed that the crew was packing up and everyone was done for the day. I inquired if he or Janice were hungry. Both nodded and agreed that they could eat. I then loudly addressed the rest of 'my team' as they were preparing to go their separate ways.

“I really want to thank you for your help, I hope you had even half the fun that I did.”

Everyone smiled and nodded.

“I think you should all give yourself a big hand!” and very slowly, goaded on by the bystanders who began applauding with gusto, 'my team' joined in the clapping, but totally monopolized the blushing.

“Look, if this were a normal game, I'd pile everyone into the minivan and we'd all go out for pizza and ice cream.” I smiled. “But, if you'll let me I'd like to invite you all out for a post-game celebration.”

They all began nodding to each other, and I could tell by the look on some faces that they didn't hesitate before deciding to blow off classes to go out and celebrate with us.

I looked at Eoin and whispered “What do you think.... Papa John's?” with enough of a grin that he could take it as a joke if it was the wrong thing to say.

He barked a laugh. “As IF!” he grinned wickedly... and whispered back “...how about Agave?”

I nodded. Having no idea what I'd just agreed to, but trusting that it would all work out.

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Comments

Both Fun and Funny

Happy to see a new chapter. Thanks

This story always brings a smile to my face.....

D. Eden's picture

Even on bad days. Thank you for adding a little sunshine to my life.

One quick note though, as an alumnus of The University of Southern California, I think you may have confused your universities a little in this story. You stated that the game was at UCLA, yet you then say that it was hard to tell the USC students from the SAG members. Although both schools are in the greater LA area, they are in fact worlds apart. USC is a private school located in the area of Watts, while UCLA is a state school (part of the UC system) located in Westwood. They are in fact bitter rivals in most things, including sports.

Dallas

D. Eden

Dum Vivimus, Vivamus

Katherine is certainly going

Katherine is certainly going to have a lot to live up to when she returns to her "real" life. Kat has really put her out there, in a good way, but it runs completely counter to what Katherine does and is known for, so it may be a little hard for her to initially adapt and/or adjust to it all.

I'm in Love With This Story

Christina H's picture

I loved the cat fight and the enjoyment Katherine seemed to get out of it.

This had me giggling and wincing in equal measure I wouldn't like to tangle with either of those two and I thought I could hold my own.

What is LC going to do when this is all over I have a feeling she'll survive and prosper.

More power to your pen (well computer but you know what I mean)

Christina

Loved The Babe Ruth Move ...

jengrl's picture

from the 1932 World Series with calling her shot . The game turned out to be a fun time ,even though she added a few more chapters to the long running feud. Something tells me they will cross paths again in the rivalry?

PICT0013_1_0.jpg

"Called Shot"

TheCropredyKid's picture

It's been a matter of dispute almost since it happened. Or didn't.

The Cubs pitcher and catcher said it didn't; said that Ruth was pointing to the Cubs dugout, yelling back at the players there who were riding him pretty hard (along with the Chicago crowd).

Other witnesses said it did, or said that it didn't,and there, and there was no definitive answer.

In interviews later, Ruth said it did. But he would, wouldn't he?

However, a few years ago (maybe a largish "few", but well within my memory) an amateur 16-mm film of the event turned up that {might or might not} have confirmed it; he definitely points more-or-less in that direction, but...

{One thing i'll say - it was the end of his career, but if he ran that way all through his career, home runs would be his main hope for scoring.}

Incidentally - soem of the years he led the league in home runs, he also led the lead in strike-outs...

 
 
 
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fun game!

giggles

DogSig.png

Glad to see...

... This story going on!
Love every word of it!
Several planes of "cultural change": australian in America, boy as girl, girl as celebrity, celebrity as superstar. And combinations of aforementioned :-)

Power personality

Podracer's picture

Elsie would be restless with the quiet life I am sure. They have let the smilodon out of the bag now, whatever her non-Katherine future holds it will be... interesting.

"Reach for the sun."

Elsie's future

I think Elsie may have a problem because she does look like Katherine. What is now a benefit may become a liability, depending on whether she gets a job that is very public or if she goes into the woodwork and becomes a regular invisible nobody (like most of us here :).)

If she becomes an invisible nobody, her likeness to Katherine would be a curiosity, nothing more.To take on a public job like be an actress in her own right would raise questions, no doubt.

What I have only hinted at...

..is the fact that Dr Dale is resisting anything beyond simple androgen blockers because the ruse must continue, and Katherine is quite androgynous - a curious asset in modeling.

Elsie actually acquiring curves and the adipose tissue change from actual hormone supplements will only move her away from resembling Katherine. Although with the unusual height they both share, there will always be some resemblance, it just won't be uncannily identical. Elsie may end up 'looking like a supermodel' or 'Keller-esque' but her becoming unambiguously female - where Katherine was always ...ambiguous, will let her blaze her own path.

At least that's my suspicion. ;-)

K@

Hah!

TheCropredyKid's picture

What do YOU know?

 
 
 
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