Being Diane

Published by Dennis N. Adkins at Smashwords

Copyright 2013 Dennis N. Adkins

Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Chapter 1

I awoke earlier than usual that momentous morning and walked out the back door to see the sun rising slowly over the lush verdant fields of eastern Arkansas. The neat clean rows of cotton and soybeans awaiting the warm life-giving rays of the sun. The plants stretching to receive the mornings blessing from Father Sol. The rows beckoned me to come and grow with them and stretch my arms to receive the blessings of the Sun also. I walked out to the fields and stood among them warming myself as the Sun rose higher and higher over the horizon. The coming of the day was always exciting to me making me feel as though I would have another chance at being the best I could and today, like any other, was a chance to be what I wanted to be. I had made the decision to myself to realize my life’s dream, now I had to find a way to do it. Luck was with me for once and the way came, however not without a price.

I lived on a farm and while it wasn't one of the biggest, it was a good size to support my Grandfather and Uncle Will. I guess that it was about five hundred acres of excellent cotton and soybean land. Uncle Will worked hard to keep the farm going since Granddaddy was retired due to his health. There were two other girls besides my Mom, but they didn't have anything to do with the farm, and I suspected that they wanted to divide it up if Granddaddy died and take their share and sell it. I knew that would be the kiss of death for the farm.

My Dad was an over the road truck driver and he didn't get to come home very often. Mom worked in a clothing store in town and what little we had seemed to me to be enough to live on. Dad when he got home didn't seem to me, to know what to do with my brother Ralph and I. He appeared to like Ralph, although mostly all he did was yell at me. You see, I had decided to let my hair grow out and I played in the band, not on any of the sports teams because I sucked at sports. I, according to him, sucked at everything and the older I got the more I seemed to be getting worse. My grades were starting to drop and I was having a lot of trouble with Ralph and Mom. I really didn't seem to be adjusting to anything. I stayed angry all of the time and while I was not very good at fighting, I seemed to stay in one all of the time. However, I did love farming. To see the seed planted and watch it grow into tall cotton and soybeans was amazing to me.

Mostly all I did was grunt work, because I wasn't old enough to operate the machinery that Uncle Will and Granddaddy owned. The insurance would not cover me to drive a tractor or operate the machinery so I had to lift and tote. That was all right because I still loved being on the farm, out in the weather and able to have a little freedom. I got to hunt and fish when we were not working, even though all I did was watch the rabbits and squirrels when I went hunting, not even trying to kill them and I was by far the world’s worst angler. I’ll bet I drowned more worms than anybody I knew, without ever catching anything. We had our own swimming hole even though I questioned the water quality safety because every now and then I would find empty chemical barrels around the edge and we would get sick when we swam in it. Later I found out that one of the chemical companies was dumping hazardous waste in our pond.

My favorite part of living on the farm was my Grandfather, William Jordan Sr., he was a lot of enjoyment for me and I learned a lot from him. He taught me how to sharpen a knife and how to clean a fish. He loved to watch wrestling on television and he would get excited and start yelling at the wrestlers and the referees and would spill his coffee on the linoleum floor. Mom would tell him to calm down or he was going to have a heart attack to which he would respond, “I need to, after seeing that man cheat like that.” I just couldn’t understand how he could believe that it was real.

Most of the time he just sat in the living room and read the newspaper. I remember one time he was sitting in his chair by the stove and someone came up to the door, we had a front door with a large picture window in it as was the custom of the time. No one locked their doors and people respected each others property. Now you have to understand that he was very hard of hearing and my Mom usually answered the door however, on this day he saw them, got up, walked over, opened the door, and let a man and a woman in. He pointed to two chairs and they sat down. As it turned out, they were from an unpopular religion that came around asking for donations. He sat back down and since he had his hearing aid turned down, he couldn't hear them giving their speech. He kept right on reading his paper and finally as they got “in the spirit” and got louder, he started realizing what they were. It was about that time they announced, “if you make a donation you won't go to hell”. He reached into his pocket, pulled out a dime, tossed it at them, rattled his newspaper, and went back to reading. The preacher looked at the woman with him, picked up the dime and left. I thought I was going to fall over laughing at them.

There were days when Granddaddy would want to tell me stories about when he was a boy and then there were days when he just wanted to sit in silence. He was in a talkative mood one day and he told me about some of his service in the Army and having to march up and down a parade ground with a full pack on because he didn't make up his bunk correctly. He laughed and said he always made up his bunk right after that. I was amazed to learn that he had been in World War I and fought in the trenches in France. He only mentioned it once and had a distant look in his eyes and shivered after telling me. I guessed that war was “Hell” as the saying went.

One day I decided to be nosy and try to find out what he was planning to do with the farm after he died, God forbid. “Granddaddy do you mind if I ask you what is going to happen to the farm after you die? I mean I don't want you to die or anything, I would like to have you around all the time. Anyway have you thought about what will happen to the farm?”

He looked at me in a rather harsh way, “Boy, did your Uncle put up to this?”

“Uh, No sir. I was just thinking the other day how much I loved living here and how much I wanted to stay here the rest of my life. I … to be honest, am worried that if you divide up the farm. I won't be able to keep living here, because if you divide it up four ways then Uncle Will won't be able to buy the other three parts to reconsolidate the farm and my Mom and Aunts will sell their parts to the first person with the money.”

“I see. It looks as though you have given this a lot of thought.” He said.

“Yes sir I have and I think I have a solution to the problem.” I said. Here I was a twelve year old talking to a seventy year old like I was some kind of financial wizard. I really think Granddaddy was more amused than anything else and was enjoying the irony of someone my age talking financial issues with him.

“Okay, let’s hear it.” He said with a smile.

“Well, instead of dividing up the farm into four equal parts. I suggest that you give the three girls five to ten acres apiece in a good location. Then leave the farm to Uncle Will on the condition that he allows any of the grandkids or heirs that want too, to work on the farm. The only thing is that the farm wouldn't be able to be broken up unless each piece was exactly the same size as the current farm area. That would give the ones that wanted to stay here an incentive to make the farm as profitable as possible. I also think that it should be converted into a corporation that reflects your name and it will be much easier to minimize the tax burden that way.” I said.

Granddaddy looked at me, but wasn't smiling anymore. “Get the telephone and bring it over here to me and then go on outside and work on the garden.” Ordered Granddaddy.

I just knew that I had made him mad with my wild idea, but it had been rattling around in my head for a while and I had to get it out. The garden needed to be weeded and I spent the rest of the day out there.

A few days later after I got home from school a big Cadillac car pulled up in the drive. I had to grab the dog to keep him from biting the man. I didn't recognize him, but he was carrying a leather satchel. He went on into the house and Mom came out and told me to stay outside and keep Smokey from biting the man when he came out.

Therefore, Smokey and I took a long walk out into the fields and woods. Smokey was an English Shepard a big brown and black shaggy dog with a sense of loyalty to one family and one only. He was pretty smart, but very hardheaded and independent. I built a small fire and we sat down and stared at the sky staying warm by the fire and enjoying each other’s company. I loved living here. I climbed a tree to look and see if a bird’s nest I had spotted, had any eggs in it. I was about ten or fifteen feet up when I slipped and fell but my fall was broken by a limb that I managed to land on with my legs on both sides of it causing me to land on my testicles. Damn that hurt. I slipped off the limb and fell the rest of the way to the ground. I thought that I was all right since I could still walk so we just stayed out there and enjoyed the evening. It was a Friday so I didn't have to do any homework and I could stay out longer than usual.

When I got back, Mom was in a tizzy and I really didn’t want to have to be around her, so I slipped in and went straight to bed. The next day my groin was swollen, black, and blue. I still didn't say anything to Mom about it and thought it would get better. Things didn’t go as I thought they would instead after a few days I began to run a fever and felt bad all over. Mom took me to the doctor and he gave me a big shot in my butt, but I didn't tell him about falling.

I have to admit that the reason why I didn’t say anything was that I was where I was not supposed to be. I was in the back wood lot where Earl lived. Earl was this black guy that lived in an old house back there and Mom said he was crazy, that he had killed someone years ago and got away with it. Earl had never been mean to me and as a matter of a fact one day when I was cornered by a couple of bigger boys; Earl came up and saved me. He told me that he wouldn't let anybody hurt his friends and I believed it. I really liked Earl, he would tell me stories about when he was a boy and some were amazing, a real view of life in the south forty years ago. His stories weren’t painted with race or sex and they seemed to be alive when he told them. I guess he just wanted someone to know what he knew.

The one that I liked the best was when he was a boy, all of his family went to the river to have a barbeque, because they couldn't go to the public parks. You see Earl was a black man and blacks weren't allowed to go where the whites went. Anyway, he said they were at the river and decided to do some hogging for catfish, for those that aren’t familiar with the concept, ou get into the water and feel for hole where the catfish would lay to catch the food that drifted by. You would feel for the fish and then try to catch them with your hands. They had all caught some good-sized fish and one of them who hadn't done it yet, went out to a fallen tree in the water. They told him that wasn't a good idea but he went anyway. Feeling around under the tree, he started to holler that he had one, but when he pulled out, it wasn't a fish, but instead a big cotton mouth snake and there he stood with it in his hands one hand behind the head and the other on the tail and he couldn't let go. He was in fix, the snake could not bite him, but he could not let go because the snake could bite him then, Earl said that was the funniest thing he had ever seen. The man could not let go and he was frozen with fear and could not walk out of the water. He didn't say whether he got rid of the snake or not but the mental image was funny.

Anyway, after a few days I got to feeling better and forgot all about the fall. School was going well and I was enjoying life all around. Granddaddy though was getting worse and worse all the time. I had to help give him breathing treatments and make sure that he had plenty to drink and eat. He talked more and more to me about his past and how he wanted me to have my dreams fulfilled. I listened to him and learned a lot about the past and how things were when he was a boy, it was great. e told me about having to drive a Model T pickup with a crank start and how it would kick back on him and throw him to the ground. On one of those days, he looked at me and I could tell he was hurting. “Dennis I want you to know that I don’t hold anything against you for becoming what you are, but there are those that will. That is why I have changed my will so you will have what you need to get by on.”

“Granddaddy what are you talking about?” I asked.

“You will realize it soon.” He replied and started coughing.

He would not tell me what he meant by that statement, but I soon found out, just like he said.

One Sunday all of the family met at our house and one by one each one of Granddaddy’s kids went into his office with him and then came out. Some were mad and some were sad, Uncle Will came out and found me picking up pecans in the back yard. He had his two oldest boys with him and they were as big as he was. “Dennis, I want to have a word with you if you don't mind.” He said.

I stopped what I was doing. “Yes sir.”

“Did you say anything to Daddy about the farm?” He asked.

“Yes sir last spring I talked to him about what I thought would be the best thing for the farm. I told him that you should keep running the farm and that he shouldn't divide it up.” I said and I swear you could hear me shaking.

“Whatever you did is going to keep the farm together. Thank you.” and he walked off. My tow cousins grinned and gave me a thumbs up.

Granddaddy died a few months later and I was sadder than I had ever been. Mom and Dad seemed to change and not for the better. Both of them began to be mean to me and blamed me for almost everything that went wrong around the house. Then one day I had to put my best clothes on and we went down to the courthouse with all of the other family. We met in the courtroom and I stood in the back with Will and George, Uncle Will’s two oldest boys, George was doing as usual, picking on me. Will turned and gave us a stop that or else look so we calmed down and listened to what was going on.

I saw the man that came to the house that day come in the room and set his satchel down on the big table that all of the adults were sitting at. Then he spoke. “Good morning. My name is Edgar Rosenthal. I was engaged by Mr. Jordan to write his last will and testament. I was surprised by some of the things that he asked for but they make sense now that I have had time to consider them. He was adamant about doing it this way and keeping the will sealed until after his death. I questioned him in accordance with the law to determine if he was in a stable state of mind and was satisfied that he was.” Mr. Rosenthal pushed the wire rim glasses that he wore back up on his nose and continued. I had seen him at school one day when he came to talk to the social studies class about being an attorney. On that day, he became so animated that he forgot to push his glasses up and they fell off his nose and swung into his mouth. The whole class burst into laughter and he joined in.

Today was different he was serious and all in the room knew it and sat quietly. A sense of anticipation settled over the room like a fog. I was wondering why he was fiddling with the papers instead of getting on with it, when I realized that he was purposely building the tension, like a magician doing tricks. I was suddenly amazed at how adept he was at manipulating his audience. “Alright let’s get down to it.” after arranging and rearranging the papers. “Mr. Jordan wanted these people present for the reading. “Reba Wilkes and spouse. Josey Baker and spouse. Rachel Allen and spouse. William Jordan Jr. and spouse. Also William Jordan the third, George Jordan and Dennis Allen. Is everyone here?”

“Yes sir.” Answered Uncle Will.

“Good then I will proceed with the reading of the will.”

“I William N. Jordan Sr. being of sound mind and failing body do hereby make my last will and testament...”

I was bored by all of the legal mumble jumble and didn’t understand most of it, but I understood what he was saying when he got to the part about dividing his personal property.

“Regarding my personal property and the division thereof, I bequeath five acres of land to Reba and Josey each to be located in mutually agreed upon locations along highway one. To Rachel I leave the house she is living in along with five acres of land that surrounds it, to include the orchard and the outbuildings on the land that are designated by the accompanying map. To my son William Jr. I leave the rest of the farm for him to live on and work for the rest of his natural life should he so desire. I have one exception to this William III, George and Dennis Allen shall be co-owners of the land and farm operation when they turn eighteen years of age. They shall have the right to make decisions concerning the operation of the farm, they shall also share in all of the risks associated with the operation of the farm and all of the profits generated by the farm. The farm is to be converted into a limited liability corporation with the name of William Jordan Farms. Also should any child of my children wish to live and work on the farm they may do so, but the farm can only be divided up if each heir can receive a portion equal to the original size I am leaving now. This will ensure an equal share of the farm based on their ability to produce and make it grow. I have chosen Will, George and Dennis because they have expressed an interest in keeping the farm going and have shown a selfless desire to help my son keep his lively hood. All three made the same request at one time or another without the knowledge of the others and asked for nothing for themselves. I am very proud of all of my children and grandchildren equally and I love them all equally. I do not want anyone to think otherwise. This was the hardest decision I have had to make, but it is the fairest.”

“Until the three minors turn eighteen, my son William Jr. shall have absolute control over the day to day operations and finances. He can at his discretion give each of the three minors more or less input in the operation of the farm. At the age of eighteen, each will become a full partner in the operation of the farm. I would ask that they all learn to work with each other and listen to each other, to make the farm grow and thrive into the generations to come.”

Mr. Rosenthal stopped and looked at each of the three of us, chewed on his lip in thought, and then said, “Will, George and Dennis your Grandfather was very impressed with your courage to come and talk to him. He was also very impressed with the fact that you didn't want anything for yourselves. I can't impress on you enough that his decision to do this was influenced by the three of you alone.”

“I personally can believe that you are his grandchildren because it would take a lot of courage and wisdom to do what you did, he could be a little intimidating at times. I served in the Army with him, in World War One in France. Did you know that he won the Silver Star for leading the regiment in a charge that caused a general rout of the Germans after all of our officers were killed by artillery? He was a great man and I miss him very much.”

“Well that is all. If you have any questions, you can call, my office and I will be happy to help you as much as I can. My secretary here has some papers for you to sign and some copies of the will for each of you.” He started out of the room and stopped and looked at me and said.” Did you know that you look just like he did when he was your age? It is amazing.” Then he left before I could say anything.

I was so shocked by the turn of events, now I would be able to stay on the farm and do what I love to do. I was both happy and scared because now I was going to have to learn to be a farmer and a businessman and I was scared that I was going to fail.

Chapter 2

My Dad always said I needed to be either a Police Officer or a gigolo, someone that can’t make it on their own, that was his way of saying that I was pretty much worthless in his opinion. He had a work ethic that was if you are awake then you need to be working and working hard at manual labor since paper labor was not work as he called it. Muscles didn't come to me in the genetic traits department, what I got were long full eyelashes, dark full hair, fragile arms and full hips. My mother’s friends were always commenting on how pretty I was and that I should be a girl and not a guy. I often wondered if that was the case and as I was starting toward puberty, I began to question whether or not that was true. I think that my Dad was truly disappointed in me and was not able to accept me as I was and he continually tried to change me or mold me into a MANLY MAN.

The week after the reading of the will was tough for me. Every afternoon I would come home from school and find that Dad had already drank two or three beers and was starting to get surly. He was a mean drunk and he seemed to find the dirtiest most demanding jobs for me to do, like cleaning out the burning barrel by hand. Then pulling weeds from the hog pen while he and my brother Ralph would go and work on some project or another. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't lazy or anything, but we always carried the barrel to the dump pit and emptied it instead of scooping each piece of trash out and putting it into a wheelbarrow and carrying it to the pit. We also had not had any pigs in years and were not going to get any, any time soon.

I did all of these jobs and waited knowing that in a few days he would leave and go back on the road. He was an over the road truck driver. I guess that they didn't make a lot of money since we never had a lot of money and Mom had to work a job in town. I was always getting yelled at for wasting one thing or another. I was also always getting smacked by both Mom and Dad for back talking and how I looked, I didn’t think I was being rude though. My Dad could not stand my long hair, but I didn’t see wasting money on a haircut, so I just let it grow out. He would constantly comment on how I looked like a girl or a queer or a fag, whatever that was. The worst thing that he did was to make me stand in front of him while he was drunk and listen to how I would never amount to anything worthwhile. I eventually got to where I could tolerate that more than when he became maudlin and would grab me and hug me while asking over and over, “You know I love you don't you?” The whole time he would be slobbering and crying. To this day, I cannot stand drunks.

The power of suggestion is a powerful thing or so I have been told and it must be because of what has happened to me. Mom’s friends would look at me and comment on how pretty I was to be be a boy and how long my eyelashes were for a boy. I began to want to play with dolls or play teatime than football or baseball. I loved looking at the Barbie’s in the catalogs and the tea sets. I enjoyed cooking and cleaning house more than gardening or mowing the yard. I was living up to the expectations of the time. Little did I know but expectations had little to do with it.

Dad got really drunk one night, knee walking toe dragging drunk and started arguing with Mom. Then I heard it, the sound of violence, the sound that no kid wants to hear, the sound of flesh striking flesh a powerful “SLAP” that brought everyone in the house awake. Then my mother started crying and Dad started screaming. I didn’t know what to do, I heard him coming down the hall screaming about how he was going to find out why I got the farm instead of Ralph. I knew that he was going to beat me to death, so I jumped out the open window, ran and hid. I could hear him looking for me, but he didn't find me, luckily I was hiding in the cotton fields behind the house. I managed to stay hidden long enough for him to get tired of looking for me and go back in the house and go to bed. I came back up to the house, grabbed some clothes out of the dirty clothes hamper in the washhouse and my tennis shoes, and hid in the wood lot at the back of the farm. The next day I went to school like always and didn’t say anything to anybody about what happened. I just went to the bus stop, waited for it to come and did not go home. I hid in the bushes when Mom came to drop Ralph off at the stop and then came out and caught the bus and went to school. Ralph handed me my books and did not say a word.

It seemed as though Dad and Mom were mad at me about something and I did not know what it was. Ralph on the other hand was treating me better than ever. He was not picking on me, like he had been and now he even seemed relieved and relaxed more than he had ever. On the bus, a couple of bullies began picking on some of us littler guys and Ralph stopped them. He wasn't anybody to fool with when he got mad, I saw him beat the crap out of two guys one day that tried to steal his lunch money. My brother was a bad ass.

Then my life changed completely. This is how it happened. My Dad was on the road like usual and we were getting ready for school as usual.

Chapter 3

“Hey, hurry up you are going to make us late again,” yelled my brother Ralph.

“I'm coming, I'm coming. Keep your shirt on!” I yelled back.

“You are slower than some girls I know, getting ready.” exclaimed Mom.

“If you hadn't let me over sleep, I would be ready.” I replied.

“Shoot we couldn't get you to even roll over this morning. What time did you go to bed last night anyway?” Asked Mom.

“I got through with my English homework about eleven.”

“You are going to have to start getting it done sooner. Now get in the car and let's go.” complained Mom.

School for me was a nightmare, even though I was supposed to have a high I.Q. I was having all sorts of problems with school. Not only was I not doing well in Science I was having a lot of difficulty with plain math, not to mention the algebra that was in it. It seemed as though I was a daydreamer and I had a lot of trouble focusing on the subjects at hand. English wasn't so bad as long as we were studying literature of some type. I really excelled in literature and history but sucked in things like P.E.
I played in the band also and loved it even though I wasn't that great. I still hung in there and kept trying; it was the most fun of the day. I had another problem that at the time seemed like a normal Junior High thing, I was constantly being picked on by some of the older guys, now they call it bullying, but then it was considered a normal thing, kind of like a pecking order and no one seemed to care.

I probably would have done a lot better if my Mom and Dad had taken more interest in our studies, but they didn't. All I got from them was why wasn't I doing better in school and why didn't I read more like Ralph, an answer was never there. It wasn't that I didn't try to do well, but all I could accomplish was a mediocre showing. I was getting more and more frustrated as time went along especially since the more I tried the worse it seemed I was getting. I was having some other problems with being sad and then being so elated that I couldn’t stand it. Mom said I was going through puberty and that it would go away, but I was starting to wonder if it would.

“Hey, dufuss.” I heard as I walked into the school. Damn. It was one of my main tormentors. A guy by the name of Hugh. We all called him Baby Hughie because he was in my class but was twice as big as any of us and twice as dumb acting. He was arrogant and insubordinate to the teachers and would try to pick a fight with them just to see if they would rise to the bait. He was epitome of the problem child.

“Hi Hugh. What's happening?” I replied. I was looking around for a teacher to run over to and start a conversation with, but as my luck would have it, none were around.

Hugh grabbed me by the collar and leaned in close. I could smell his fetid breath reeking of alcohol and tobacco. The smell almost made me throw up. “I need some lunch money and you are going to give it to me or I'm going to beat the snot out of you.” He growled.

“Dude, I don't have any money. My Mom has started giving it to my brother to keep. Sorry. I think I may have twenty five cents but that's it.” I stammered.

“Give it here and you had better not be lying to me. You little turd.” He said

I reached in and pulled out two nickels a dime and two pennies. “Here take it, just don't hit me again like you did the last time.” I begged.

He took the money and walked away jingling it in his hand. I felt even lower than I usually did right then. It didn't help matters any with two of the prettiest girls in the school standing by watching. They shook their heads at me and walked away. I could have died right then and wished that I could but it didn't happen, so I would have to go through the rest of the day being teased by everybody about it.

Things didn't go any better the rest of the day. I flunked a math test on Algebraic equations and then I couldn't climb a rope in P.E. After that I was popped with towels in the shower leaving huge whelps on my butt and was teased about how I was growing titties, they did seem a little large. Industrial arts turned out to be a pretty good class. We had a sub to come in and show us how to do wood turning on a lathe. I made a candle stick that was pretty cool. Then came lunch and the harassment started all over, two of the football players picked me up and put me head first into a garbage can with the coach watching. He just laughed and made me go to the end of the line for lunch, but I was so embarrassed that I just went out to the front of the school and sat under a big old oak tree that grew there until the next class.

After lunch came History and I did pretty good in there. I had already read the chapter and was half way through the next one already. The pop quiz was a breeze so I made an A on it. Mr. Simmons was cool, he had just started teaching and wasn't into many of the things that the other teachers were. Like making, us write papers all the time or explain something in front of the class. I did think that on occasion he seemed a little on the slow side and smelled like burning grass, on those days he just had us read our books and keep quiet.

Now came my most favorite part of the day, Ms. Givens... er, ah, I mean English class. I was able to understand even the most minute ideas of any of the books or stories she had us read. Now I am not saying that I am a Rhodes Scholar in English or anything like that, but it seemed to come to me easier than all of the rest of my studies and it didn't hurt that she was a hottie with a capital H. She always was very trendy with her clothes and shoes and she kept her hair pulled back in a ponytail tied up with a ribbon. I, because my last name started with an A, had to sit at the front left row and was surrounded by four of the prettiest girls in my class. All of whom tried to dress just like her.

She would sit on the side edge of her desk facing me and lecture. I could see everything some days, even the color of her panties and the tops of her stockings. Damn! The English classroom always stayed hotter than any of the others. Today she had on a sleeveless dress that was just above her knees and nude stockings that were being held up by a white garter belt. She had black pumps on that weren't too tall but made her legs look fantastic. To a fourteen year old, it was like being in heaven.

It's not that I didn't like girls or anything like that. I just didn't have an interest in trying to date them, besides I was still too young to date according to my parents. So I would just sit there and admire how well dressed they were and wish that guys could wear things that were soft and colorful instead of the dull and drab same old blue jeans and plaid or solid colored shirts. I found one of my Mom's wool skirts in the cedar chest one day and tried it on with some of the stockings that I had found. The look to me was awesome and the feel was a high that I wanted again and again. I am not queer and don't like boys so don't even go there. It's just that I for once felt right like I should.

Ms. Givens gave me more than a peep show. She made me see that being female was a good thing. She showed me that a female could succeed and do well; also, she showed me that not all women were inferior to men. I guess that I am jealous of her and her accomplishments. I wanted to teach and be as good as her.

The class progressed and the bell rang and as usual, I gathered my books and started out the door to band, but the day had one more surprise for me. “Dennis, would you mind staying here for a minute. Please.” she said.

I sat back down wondering what I had done wrong. Had she caught me staring at her crotch or had she caught me looking back at one of the girls in the row next to me. I didn't know but I knew that it was never a good thing to be asked to stay behind the rest of the class.

She waited until everybody else was gone, having to fend off two of the football players juvenile attempts at being suave and debonair, it was hilarious to watch them trying to impress her. Finally, they left and she walked over and shut the door. I believed at that time that I was a goner, dead meat ready for the butcher to carve up. How could anyone as beautiful as she was turn into a raving werewolf. Oh well this is just my luck again.

“Dennis, I have been going over your transcript and... Are you alright? You look pale.” She said.

Well so much for the werewolf, “I'm fine. It's just that no one has ever asked me to stay behind to talk to them.” I said.

“Honey, you aren't in trouble. I was just going to talk to you about your grades,” she said in a soothing tone that reminded me of the description an angel. And she called me “Honey”. “As I was saying, you have been assigned to me to counsel about your grades and while I was going over them I noticed that several of the staff have made note that you are not preforming up to expected levels. As a matter of a fact, your yearly performance scores far exceed what you appear to be doing in class. Now what I want to know is why. So I scheduled an I.Q. Test to see what level you are at.”

I just sat there stunned. Now I was going to have to take another test to see if I was crazy. Why oh why was she doing this to me? I always acted good in her class and never caused any trouble. So why? Then another thought hit me Mom and Dad, probably are going to hit the ceiling when they hear about it. Then I was going to be in more trouble at home. Then it struck me, an idea to get out of this wretched situation.

“Uh, Ms. Givens, I don't think Mom and Dad will go for it. I mean it's bound to be expensive and both of them work and I work helping my Uncle on the farm being the grease monkey and all. So I really don't see that I can do it.” Then I begged God to let that be good enough....

“Oh, don't worry about that I have already talked to your Mom about it and she thinks it will be good for you. As far as the cost, the High School Counselor can give the test and grade it. He is also going to give you some personality tests to see where you are developmentally. So this afternoon you are going to go to the counselor’s office for the tests. Ok?” She said.

Hmm, intelligent, beautiful and sneaky. Wow what a combination.

“Okay I'll be there. Is there anything else?” I asked.

“Yes there is. You will also have to come to my house twice a week for tutoring in the afternoon and we might as well start it tomorrow afternoon. So meet me by my car after school. Now get going to your next class I have already told the band director that you would be late.” and she opened the door and I left.

Yeah I thought this was going to turn out to be a plus. Maybe even some of the guys will give me a break now. I was thinking of all the time together with her and didn't see Baby Hughie hiding in the recess to the boy’s bathroom. He reached out and grabbed me by the arm and pulled me into the bathroom and threw me on the floor and began to kick the crap out of me. I curled up in a ball and tried to make myself as small as possible but it just wasn't enough. Finally, he quit and as he was walking out the door, he turned and said. “The next time you squeal on me, you won't be able to talk for a long time,” and he left slamming the door behind him.

I just laid there unable to move for a few minutes trying to figure out why he beat me. I hadn't told anyone about this morning and no one said anything to me about it. Damn, am I the only one in this school that can't fight? I finally got up and went on to band. The Director just looked at me and pointed to my chair. I got my horn and sat down. Gill the first chair clarinetist that sat next to me turned and asked, “Damn, what happened to you. It looks like you have been run over by a truck?”

I just bowed my head and said. “I was.”

Band was uneventful and I left and walked down to the School Counselors office for the test. If I was lucky, the Principal wouldn't be there but as usual, my luck kicked in.

“Dennis! Come here right now,” commanded Mr. Alverez the school Principal, “What the hell happened to you? You're all bloody and bruised and don't give me some crap about falling down.”

Well here, I was in a dilemma again. If I told him what had happened then Baby Hughie would find me and finish the job, but if I didn't, then he would probably suspend me for not telling him. So I decided to tell the truth and let Hughie kill me. I was dead either way. “I was going to Band and Baby Hughie grabbed me and pulled me into the bathroom and beat me. He said it was for snitching on him today.”

“I can take care of that, he has stepped over the line this time. Oh and by the way it was someone else that told me about what happened this morning.” He said. “Now go on into the Counselors office he's waiting for you.”

The Counselor just looked at me and shook his head. He gave me the test and told me to be careful going home. Before I got out the door he stopped me and handed me a book, a plain paper back book that had the picture of a Chinese guy on the cover and he was posed in a fighting stance that I had never seen before. The author was a man by the name of Bruce Lee and it was about something called karate. I took the book thanked him and left.

I walked up to the store where my Mom worked and went inside. I saw Mom waiting on a mother and her daughter and it seemed as though she was having a tough time making a sale. It appeared as though the Mother thought all of the dresses were entirely to mature for her 'little girl'. The Daughter apparently didn't agree and wanted to wear clothes that were a little more hip than what she had on. I agreed the clothes she was wearing made her look like a first or second grader at a party. She had a dress that had puffed sleeves and a full skirt that was delineated from the bodice by a sash. I thought she was a big second grader but she was the same age as I was. I stood off to the side and suddenly the Mother looked at me and asked. “Tell me young lady do you think that these are a little to risqué for a young lady?”

“Not really, I think that they represent the conservative side of the current fashion scene. May I ask what the dress you are trying to pick out is for?” I said and Mom was staring daggers at me. I didn’t know if it was for not correcting the lady on the gender gaff or if it because I spoke up and gave my opinion.

“She needs a dress for a party that is coming up and there are going to be several young men there also. It is a dinner party for the Young Lawyers Association. I think that these are entirely to mature and expose too much. I don't want my daughter to look like a woman of the night.” She said.

The daughter spoke up then. “Mom, I won't look like a whore in a dress like this. I don't know why you continually think I am trying to sleep with every boy I meet. All I want to do is to look like I am fourteen and not eight like you have me dressed now.”

“May I suggest an outfit for you?” I offered.

“Yes please, anything to get out of these horrid little girl outfits.” She said.

“Well if you are going to a party where there are going to be lawyer types then I suggest a professional looking outfit something along the lines of this blue suit. It has a pencil skirt and a jacket that is tailored to accentuate her feminine figure. A lovely shell of white or winter white with a string of pearls and pearl earrings would be about perfect. I also suggest these matching blue mid heel pumps and a pair of suntan hose. She would look awesome and would be the hit of the party. I also suggest that the earrings be single pearls and that they be rather small so as not to overpower her beautiful face. Would you like to try the outfit on?” I asked.

“Yes.” said the daughter.

“Well, okay we'll see what it looks like.” said the Mom.

“Great, the dressing room is right back here.” and I took the dress and the shoes and carried them back to the dressing room for them. I left them to try them on and walked back up to where my Mom was.

“I hope you enjoyed yourself playing sissy fashion adviser.” She said. “I hope you didn't blow the sale.”

“I was just trying to help, that's all. She asked for my opinion and I gave it to her.” I said.

“Go on over there and ask that gentleman what he needs and be quick about it.” She ordered.

I walked over to a young well dressed man of about twenty to twenty-five that really looked out of place here in this town. He had on a suit that looked like it had cost as much as some of the people here made in a month and shoes that were straight out of GQ. “Can I help you sir.” I asked.

“Yes I need a handkerchief.” He said.

“Would you like one that is for the back pocket or a nice one for your suit?” I asked and led him over to the display case with the handkerchiefs.

“I need one for my suit and I really need one for my back pocket also. So do you work here all the time?” he asked.

“No sir, I just came in to wait on my Mom to get off. I usually work on the farm that we live on in the afternoon. I do the greasing and the grunt work, but I love it. So what do you do?” I asked making small talk.

“I am an investment banker in Memphis and I am down here to meet with several of the local business men and farmers. We are trying to get them to invest their extra money in some companies that appear to be going places. So, what do you recommend, I was listening to you sell that dress to that young lady and you appear to have a knack for it. So sell me a handkerchief.” He said.

“Well, the plain white cotton ones are what you need for everyday use, but these are very attractive and would go well in a suit pocket. A lot of the local black ministers and funeral home directors like them. I asked one why they liked these and he told me that when he was in the spirit during a sermon it made for an excellent way to punctuate it by reaching up and drawing it out and wiping the sweat from his brow. I really like him, I was able to go to his church and stand outside and listen to him and he is really good at what he does. He seems to believe in the word and that means a lot. But I don't think you will be pulling it out of your pocket with a flourish in the middle of a presentation so let's concentrate on the color and material match, like this one. It matches your suit well and it not to flashy.” I said.

“Hmm, I like it would you fold it for me to fit in my pocket?”

“Of course is there anything else I can get for you. We have men's underwear and socks on sale today. We also have a wide selection of dress shirts that are reasonably priced.” I said.

“Not today. Thank you. I just needed a handkerchief today. You see I had to change a tire on the way down here and I used my handkerchief to wipe my hands with,” he said.

“Have you gotten the tire repaired yet?” I asked. “If not I can recommend an excellent tire repair shop to you just down the street and he is reliable. It is two blocks down on the left. The handkerchiefs are going to be a dollar and seven cents.”

“Here take this, it is two dollars. Keep the change. I was impressed with your sales ability. By the way here take my card.” and he gave me a business card that had gold lettering on it. “Stanley Washington Financial and Bank Investments.”

“Thank you Mr. Washington. My name is Dennis Allen.” I had never seen anything like that card before it had his phone number also. “If you ever need anything just give me a call and I will be ever so happy to assist you.” he shook my hand and left.

I took the money over to Mom and gave it to her and told her what he said about keeping the change. She took it put the sale money in the till and put the rest in her pocket. “Go on out and wait for me in the car.” she said.

I went out and got in the car and I started reading the book the counselor gave me and realized that it was about how to defend yourself and to train your mind to survive. He talked about the need to have the right mental attitude and how to strengthen your mind and body. I decided to try it and see what happened who knows maybe I would be able to keep from being whooped in every fight. So that night after I did my homework I started with the first chapter and practiced the moves that he recommended. I did them outside in the washhouse so I wouldn't be teased by my brother since he reveled in doing so. They didn't seem so hard at first but after a while, I started feeling the pain of doing each simple move. I kept going until I had the first moves down and then I went inside.

Chapter 4

The next day at school was a repeat of the day before as always except Baby Hughie wasn't there to finish the job he had promised he would. Then I heard a couple of the guys talking about how he wasn't going to be coming back for a long time since he had gotten caught breaking into someone’s store and got arrested. Maybe my luck was going to change. I went to P.E. as usual but today instead of having to climb a rope, we had to go out and run on the track. This time as we took off I took my usual position in the back and tried to keep up on the mile run. We had gone three quarters of a mile when I realized that I felt great and was running a little faster than any time before. I guess I was daydreaming and not paying attention because I suddenly realized that I was running and the rest of the class wasn't in front of me, it really didn't matter because I didn't feel the pain that came with my other experiences with running the mile. It was when I came around the turn where all the others were, that I realized that they were all staring at me. I started to slow down and stop but the coach called out and told me to go on. He had his stopwatch out and was watching it as I ran.

I guess I ran three miles that day and when I got through the coach called me aside and asked me why I had never been able to do that before. I really didn't have an answer, but I still felt great even though I was tired. Something changed that day because I didn't get popped again and he made sure that none of the others tried to.

The rest of the day was a lot better except we had a new history teacher who announced that she would be giving a test on Friday and that we needed to be ready for it, also she would ask us questions and make us stand up to answer. She asked one of the football guys a question and he stood up and told her that he didn't know anything about it. The rest of the class laughed at his response, but I could tell that it made her mad because she gave him a paper to write that night about the question.

Ms. Givens class was great as usual, she looked awesome in a navy blue suit and navy blue Mary Jane pumps. She made us work harder than usual and she walked up and down the aisle making sure that we were doing the work. As she walked by me, I caught a whiff of her perfume. She smelled like a flower in bloom in the spring, like the roses in our front yard. I couldn't help but notice that I wasn't the only guy mesmerized by the wonderful aroma that hung around after. It was torture to have to sit there and experience that without being able to do anything about it. I was actually glad when the bell rang and I left to go to band.

After band, I started to leave and get on the bus to go home, but I suddenly remembered that I had to meet Ms. Givens at her car. I really didn't want to, but I guessed that I really didn't have much of a choice so I walked out to the teacher’s parking lot and waited for her. I really didn't know which car was hers, so I just stood at the edge and waited patiently for about ten minutes. She came out carrying a box with papers in it and walked up to me and handed me the box and said. “Honey would you mind carrying these for me and put them in my back seat. Thanks.”

There it was again “Honey”. I didn't think I would ever reach a point of not liking the sound of her calling me '”Honey”. I took the box and looked around as she started off. I followed her obediently and couldn't help but admire the way she walked in the high heels. She seemed to glide not walk, as though she was floating on air. I had never seen any woman walk like that before, confident almost forceful without a single bobble. I suddenly thought, hey I'm not horny, but jealous, alright what’s going on here. I should be thinking of doing things to her that I am not old enough for. Am I turning queer or something? Naw, that couldn't be it, but still I couldn't get the thought out of my head that I would like to be able to walk like that someday.

When we reached the car, it was a really sharp red two door Chevy Nova SS with dual exhaust and rally wheels, red and white interior. It was badged with the 396 V-8 emblem. We had all wondered whose it was and now I knew. This was an information coup that was worth a fortune. The only thing wrong with it from a guy standpoint was that it was an automatic transmission. I put the box in the back with my books also, like she said and just stood there not knowing whether to get in or go back inside for the tutoring. She looked at me and said, “Well get in, we have a lot to do and it is starting to rain.”

Sure enough, it was sprinkling rain. So I got in on the passenger side, I watched her get in on the driver’s side and as she did, her skirt rode up revealing the tops of her hose and the blue garters. She blushed and tugged at her hem and got it back down. As we were pulling out of the parking lot, two of the girls that sat next to me in class were holding their books over their heads in an attempt not to get wet. Ms. Givens pulled up next to them and rolled down her window and called to them. “Sally, Annie come on I'll give you a ride.” Then she turned to me and asked, “You don't mind do you?”

“No. Of course not.” I stammered and started to get out and get in back but Sally pushed me to the middle and climbed in and sat in my lap and Annie got in beside me. There I was with three of the hottest girls in town. Sally had a short plaid skirt on that didn't cover her bottom when she sat and I could feel her bottom on my legs. I was glad I put my books in the back then.

Sally spoke up and said, “Thanks, Ms. G. I just knew we were going to get soaked before we got to my house.” Then she looked at me and asked. “What are you doing here Dennis?”

Before I could speak Ms. Givens said, “We are running away to live in sin. So mums the word.”

I don't believe that I had ever blushed before, but I knew I was then. My cheeks were burning and my head was swimming. I stammered, “Ms. Givens, don't be telling them that.”

“Why not sweet heart it's the truth. We have been planning to run away to Tahiti for the longest and live naked on the beach.” and she winked and leaned over and kissed me on the cheek.

“Why you little stud. I suspected all along that you were fooling around with an older woman, but I never thought it would be Ms. G. So do you make her happy?” Annie asked with a snicker.

“Annie you know we aren't going to Tahiti and I wish you shouldn't say things like that Ms. Givens.” I whined.

“Okay I'll tell you the truth. Dennis has to be tutored to get back up with the rest of the class. So I am taking him to my house to work,” admitted Ms. Givens.

“Great then you won't mind if I put my arms around your neck then since Ms. G. isn’t your girlfriend.” Sally said as she encircled my neck and came in close, closer than I had ever been to a girl before. I had my hands down at my side trying not to touch her, but it made it to where I was touching both Ms. Givens and Annie's legs. “Tell you what, I won't bite you if you put your arms around my waist. That will make it easier for me to stay in your lap when the car stops. Okay?”

I reached up and did as she said. She had a small waist and a well-developed chest that was right in my face. Her hair smelled sweet and felt lite against my cheek. Her sweater was soft to the touch and once again, I was wishing I could wear something like that. It was actually very pleasant, but I could still feel my cheeks burning and I was starting to worry since all I was thinking about was her clothes.

“You know if I didn't know better, I would say you have never had anything to do with a girl before,” said Sally in a very soft and sweet voice.

“I'll bet that he has never been kissed,” said Annie.

“Is that right?” asked Ms. Givens.

“Yes mam.” I said softly. “But I'm not queer or anything I just haven't....” and I let it trail off.

Then Sally took my face in her hands and looked me in the eyes and said, “I don't think you are queer. As a matter of a fact, you are one of the nicest and sweetest guys I know. You hold doors for the girls and carry their books for them. I even saw you carrying one's purse for her. You had it on your shoulder and everything and you didn't complain a bit. That was the coolest thing I have ever seen a guy do and I am so glad that you didn't get in the back seat.”

Then she leaned down and kissed me on the lips. I almost fainted right then. She had the softest lips and her breath smelled like baby’s breath. My head started spinning and my cheeks burned even hotter. “Thanks.” was all I could say.

“All right Sally that's enough.” said Ms. Givens and she swatted Sally on the bottom. “I have enough trouble with all the rumors going around now. I don't need people saying I'm driving you around so you can make out with the boys.”

“I wasn't making out with Dennis. I just gave him a little kiss and I didn't hear him complain,” whined Sally. “And that hurt.” As she rubbed her bottom.

We pulled up to Sally's house and parked in the driveway. Annie got out but Sally didn't move. “Dennis, I meant what I said. We'll see you in school tomorrow. Okay?”

“Sure, if you don't mind being seen with me.” I said and as soon as I said it, I knew it was not the right thing to say.

“Dennis, I would love to be seen with you anytime. Bye.” and Sally got out and ran inside.

“Damn boy you are full of surprises,” muttered Ms. Givens as she drove off.

I just sat there for a second trying to digest all that had just happened when it suddenly came to me that I was still sitting next to Ms. Givens. I practically jumped over to the passenger side of the car and said, “Sorry I didn't mean..... You know, uh I wasn't trying to do anything.” I was stammering and choking.

“Don't worry sugar, I was enjoying it myself. You seem to be really shy around girls, but you have a presence that is nice to be around. I won't attack you or anything like that, although I am enjoying being around you.”

That completely flabbergasted me. I wasn't expecting that at all. I mean I couldn't put two words together around the girls and they didn't seem to want to be around me so this was a complete surprise. Gosh, only twenty minutes ago, I was trying to figure out how to make this a better experience and now it has turned out to be phenomenal day.

Ms. Givens parked her car in front of a really cute little house about two blocks from Sally's house and announced, “We are here, don't forget your books Stud.” and she giggled.

I really felt the burning in my cheeks then. I got my books and the box and followed her inside. Once inside she told me to go to the kitchen table and have a seat. Then she went into the back of the house. I could hear her singing and wondered what she was doing. She reappeared wearing a pair of cut off jean shorts and a tie-dye T-shirt with the words Chicago Forever on it, I couldn't help but notice that both were very snug fitting and showed off her figure even better than before. She was barefoot and her toenails had a mauve polish on them. She looked even hotter than ever before. This was going to be tough trying to concentrate on the work.

“Honey, why don't you move over to the side so I can sit next to you. That way I'll be better able to see what you are doing.” she said and pulled out the two chairs on the side. “So would you like a coke or something else, a beer maybe or some wine.” she had a malevolent smile when she said it but quickly followed it up with, “Oh sorry but you are too young to be drinking, OR SMOKING. So what will it be a Coke or tea.”

“Well, I don't smoke so I guess I had better settle for the Coke. Oh and I don't like the taste of beer or wine.” I said smugly and grinned at her. “So, Ms. Givens what are we going to work on today?”

She was pouring the Coke in glasses and she suddenly stopped and stood there for a second. Then she turned around and looked at me funny, “Dennis, would you do me a favor?”

“Uh, yes mam anything.” I answered. I thought I had done a serious faux pause from the way she looked.

“My name is Julie. Please don't call me Ms. Givens when we are alone but when we are in school I will expect you to continue to address me as Ms. Givens. Okay?” She said.

“Sure, Okay. I don't mind.” I said suddenly relieved that I wasn't in trouble again, although I, secretly to myself, decided to try not to use her first name unless I couldn't help it. To me it was sign of disrespect to call an elder, or someone in a position of authority, even one as young as she, by their first name. I had serious reservations about calling her by her first name since she was an authority figure in school and outside of school also.

She started to bring the drinks over to the table when suddenly a mouse ran out in front of her and stopped. She screamed and started hopping around trying to avoid the cute little thing and in the process; she managed to pour an entire glass of coke on me. She stopped and stared at me with her eyes wide open covering her mouth with her hand. I heard her say. “Oh my, honey I am so sorry. I didn't mean to pour that on you. Please forgive me. Please?”

I happened to look down and saw the mouse sitting up on its hind legs looking from me to her. I thought it was the funniest thing I had ever seen and started laughing at the sight of the two of them both staring at me like that. She had managed to get Coke in my hair and all over my shirt and pants. Was there no end to the new and strange events of this day?

I reached down and held out my hand to the mouse and it climbed onto it. It was so cute and small and apparently fearless. I guess that it knew that I had no intentions of hurting it. I had to hide the fact that while I enjoyed target shooting I despised the thought of killing except in self-defense or to obtain food. There was something immoral about it that I couldn't accept even though putting it into words was at that time difficult. The little mouse moved around on my hand and then ran up my arm and onto my shoulder where it sniffed at my ear and then laid down on my shoulder.

Ms. Givens just stood and stared at me in awe with her eyes wide open and her mouth open. “You are an amazing person like no other I have ever seen before in my entire life. How did you do that?”

“What?” I answered.

“You know. How did you get that mouse to come to you like that?” she asked in amazement.

“I don't know. It seems to me to be pretty fearless and brave. I mean it ran out and stood up in front of you in defiance. Hey that seems like the perfect name for you little one. I think I will call you Defiance.” The mouse stood up on my shoulder and squeaked in approval. “Do you have a cracker for Defiance?” I asked.

“Yes, I do. And I'll bet he would like a marsh mellow too. Don't you think?” and she went and got them and set them on the table. Defiance ran down my arm when I put my hand on the table and over to the food and started eating.

“Alright now we have to get you cleaned up. So I'm going to run a bath and wash your clothes and dry them while we work. So you can strip and I will bring you some clothes.” she ordered.

I hesitated and she looked at me and said. “NOW!” and she went off to the back and I heard her running the bath water.

“Defiance, you don't know the trouble you have just caused.” and he sat up and squeaked and went back to eating like 'yeah get over it'. I hesitated for a few seconds then I unbuttoned my shirt and took off my shoes and socks. I didn't want to take off my pants or T-shirt yet but she suddenly reappeared.

“Come on we don't have all day. Get that t-shirt and shirt off now and you can take the rest off in the bathroom.” She ordered.

I did as she ordered and took off my shirt and t-shirt and stood there completely mortified and embarrassed. Let me just say that in the stud department, I wasn't and I had noticed that my chest was getting bigger and was very sensitive to touch. My nipples were actually very large for a boy and my waist seemed to be getting smaller this year. About three years ago, I had fallen while climbing a tree and managed to land on a branch below me with my legs on both sides. I fell off onto the ground and passed out from the pain and for about a week, I was black and blue where my testicles were and even ran a fever for a day or two. I didn't tell Mom about it because she would have gotten pretty mad because I was where I wasn't supposed to be. I had begun to wonder if that had anything to do with how I was developing.

Ms. Givens was staring at me again. “Dennis, are you taking any medicines to make you look like that?” she asked.

“No mam. I started noticing this about a year ago but was afraid to say anything to anybody. I catch hell in PE when I have to take a shower with the boys. I mean look at me I don't have much of a penis and I seem to be growing boobs. Now my butt is bigger than my waist and none of my clothes fit right. I seem to be a lot more emotional than I ever have been.” and I started sobbing. “And now the one person that I admire the most is going to hate me too.”

She suddenly reached out and pulled me to her and held me until I stopped crying. “Sweetie I could never hate you no matter what. Just because you look different doesn't mean that people hate you. Come on and get into the tub and get cleaned up. I think I have some clothes that you can wear until yours are ready.”

I went into the bathroom and found a tub filled with bubbles that smelled...well...girlie. I took off the rest of my clothes and got in and felt the hot water warming me and washing all my cares away for a minute. To me a bath was like getting baptized, washing all your sins away. I guess that is a rather unusual way to look at it, but to me it made sense to me. I mean when I took a bath I cleaned my body and in a way a clean body meant a clean soul. Then she came in and told me to get my hair wet so she could wash out the coke. I stammered, “But I am naked.”

She said, “Don’t worry you are covered in bubbles so I can’t see anything and it isn’t like I haven’t seen it before..”

It seemed to help ease my embarrassment a little so I told her okay. Then I got to wondering where exactly she had seen ‘it’ before. She used a shampoo that smelled divine and put some more stuff on my hair and rubbed it in. “Raise your arms.” I did wondering what she was looking at. “Let’s do this,” and she took a razor and quickly shaved my armpits. “There that’s a lot better. You don’t have a lot of body hair anyway and now you look cleaner to me.” Then she stood up and told me to get out and put on the clothes and robe that she had left me on the chair. She left to let me get out and even after I got out, I could still smell the wonderful aroma of all the bubbles and bath oils she put in the water. I drained the tub and cleaned it for her so she wouldn’t have to.

I got out and dried off and found a pair of pink bikini panties with lace around the leg openings and the waist along with a pink silky slip that had two satin ribbons that held it up. She had left a robe and a pair of fluffy slippers that had a little heel to them also. I didn't have much of a choice so I put them on. When I put the panties on, I felt a tingle all over. The satin against my skin was the most exciting thing I had ever felt in my life. Then I put the slip on and decided that that was the most exciting thing, it was satin and felt smooth against my skin and it didn't irritate my breast like the cotton T-shirts did. I was in heaven, finally God had granted me my wish to die and go to heaven. I put the robe on and the slippers and came out of the bathroom. Ms. Givens was standing there with a camera and caught me as I came out. I knew then that my wish wasn't granted. She took two or three pictures of me like that then told me to bend over.

I looked at her with a questioning look. She saw it and said. “I want you to throw your hair over to the front and I will wrap a towel around it to help it dry.” And she wrapped my longish hair up into a turban. “Are you alright with this for the time being?”

What could I say it was wonderful. I felt like I was on top of the world right then and strangely enough I seemed to be enjoying the feel of being as I should. “This is fine. Actually, it is great. I wouldn't mind being able to do this every day of my life.” I blurted out before I could stop it.

She smiled and said. “Wonderful. Come on and let's get started on your homework. Oh and by the way, you look better in my clothes than I do. I do believe.” She said and grabbed me by the hand and pulled me back to the kitchen.

The sound of the heels clicking on the floor was like a song of joy to me, making me want to dance if I knew how to. This was the best day of my life and I didn't want it to ever end. We started in on the math that I was having so much trouble with and it seemed as though I understood with a clarity that I had never had before. I even was able to do the quadratic equations for the first time. We worked on math almost the whole time and she declared that I was catching up very well. looking up I noticed that Julie was sitting there staring at me.

“I was right, he is much more feminine than he realizes. I wonder how long he has been acting this way and does he even know it. I wonder if he is gay.” She was thinking to herself. God, I hope not I have had enough of that. Then she spoke up. “Dennis can I ask you some questions?”

“Yes mam, I guess so.” I speculated on what she wanted to ask me. Did she think I was queer or did she think that I was enjoying this too much. Well I was enjoying it a little too much, but I really didn’t want it to stop.

“You seem more animated right now, why?”

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” I answered and looked at her in confusion.

“Well look at you. You are sitting up attentive, smiling, and happy even and I have never seen you sit with your legs crossed like you are now. You are using your hands to gesture with while you speak and you are more lucid and precise with your speech.” She pointed out.

I looked at her and thought about it for a second. “I feel like I am happy and I feel safe. I don’t have a lot of worries clouding my ability to think and comprehend.”

“What worries do you have?” She asked and looked at me closely. “God!” she thought to herself. He acts and talks just like a girl right now. I have got to talk to Ted about this.

“I can’t talk about that now.”

“I see, maybe later?” She persisted and got me back on my studies.

I was concerned that I had angered her when I wouldn’t talk about my worries. The fact of the matter was that I really didn’t understand why I worried about some of the things that I did. My Mom said I was a chronic worrier and that I needed to stop. I saw it as being without confidence in myself because I needed reassurance about the future and the things that I was to do. When I was assigned a specific task at home or at school I wanted all the details of what was required of me laid out before I started so I would know what was expected of me and how to do it. My major worry was the one so secret that I felt as though I couldn’t talk about it to anyone. Let alone vocalize it in a coherent manner. I felt as though without knowing every detail of what was coming I would make a serious mistake and humiliate myself before the whole world. Then again sitting here right now like I am, I am not having those feelings at all, it’s actually like a key has been turned in a lock releasing me and allowing me flourish on the world.

We were working on my math and I was doing quite well for a change. I thought it was her teaching skills that were making the difference, and that may have been the case. I didn’t know. Then out of the blue while working on some of the algebra she asked me to stand and take off the robe. She left and came back with a measuring tape and measured my chest in two places across my breast and under my breast, then she measured my waist and my butt, which should have been the same if everything was growing right but as luck would have it, they weren't. “Dennis, you are a 32-25-31 in size, and you are about a B cup, you have a beautiful figure and I think it will only improve from here. How about if I do something with your hair to make it look better?”

“Okay. What do you have in mind?” I asked.

“Just keep working. I'll be right back.” she said and took off to the other room.

I kept working since it seemed a lot easier to focus and I also noticed that I was more relaxed and open to trying something new. This was not me at all. I had never been so willing to try new things or do anything new. As a matter of a fact, I was a stick in the mud very set in my ways to the point of not growing at all. I wonder if that had something to do with why I was having so much trouble adjusting in school with all of the others. It made sense to me once again. I suddenly became anguished and couldn't help but remember the passage in the bible about not wearing clothes of the opposite sex and wondered how would my church accept me now. They really were having a difficult time accepting me as it was. Also, was I committing a mortal sin? Was I going to burn in hell for what I felt was right and obviously was having a very positive impact on me? Well I didn't care I felt whole for the first time in my life and I didn't want it to stop.

My work was improving and even my handwriting, which had always been atrocious, was getting better as I continued. I started out having the style of a fourth grader and as I continued, it started flowing in a more feminine style. I even experimented with putting little smiley faces over the i's instead of a dot. All right this was getting weirder and weirder as time progressed. How would I explain the change in my hand writing to some of the teachers. Oh well I would cross that bridge when I came to it. I was back to the change thing again. Was I changing for the better or for the worse, only time would tell. I found myself deep in thought over what I was feeling right then and wanted to know why. Why was I enjoying wearing a slip and panties and why was I not concerned about it. then the most important why. Why was I able to do all of my school work without difficulty while I was dressed like this.

Ms. Givens came back in and had a box filled with rollers and other hair care things and shook me from my thought. “Are you OK?” I nodded yes and she took the turban off and started brushing out my hair while I worked. I had never had anyone brush my hair much less a beautiful woman and it was soothing to me in a way I couldn’t explain. Then she put my hair up in rollers. I started to get worried at that point, however once again it was exciting to have someone work with my hair and I needed to be fussed over I guess. Then she stopped me. “Have you finished all of your homework?”

“Yes mam.” I answered.

“Okay then put your books away. I need to do some things to you.” She said. I did as she said without question and she took my hands and started to file my fingernails. Then she had me take off the slippers and she filed my toenails also. Then she took out a bottle of clear nail polish and applied it to my toes and fingernails. After that, she took a pair of tweezers and started plucking my eyebrows.

“That hurts.” I whined.

“It won't hurt long. Just sit still and let me finish. You have the longest eyelashes I have ever seen. They are so beautiful and full, I am jealous.” She said.

“Not as jealous as I am of you.” I muttered.

“What?” She asked obviously taken aback.

“I said not as jealous as I am of you.”

“Why would you be jealous of me?” she asked.

“I am jealous of the way you look and walk and talk and how smart you are and I am jealous of the way you dress and everything.” I said and I could feel tears forming in my eyes.

“Oh, honey. I never even realized that you felt that way. That’s not what you were so deep in thought about when I came back in the room was it? I hope it's not because I have you dressed this way?” she said with a sadness in her voice. “I would never forgive myself if I knew I had caused that.”

“No, no, you haven't caused anything. I have been feeling this way for a long time even before I met you. So, no, you haven't done anything. I guess I am confused about whether I am a boy or really am I a girl. The truth be known this has made me see that I am really a girl after all. I mean that would explain a lot of things like the way I don't like to play football or baseball, but I love to watch and cheer the team on. It would also explain why I love the feel of soft things against my skin and the smell of perfume. I feel a freedom that I have never felt before now that I am wearing a slip and panties. This is an eye opening experience for me.” I said through the tears.

Once again, she pulled me to her and held me close quietly telling me, “Sugar everything will be all right. There's no need to cry. So dry your eyes. You know you are my favorite student and I think even more of you now than I did before. You have apparently suffered in silence for a long time, you are not going to have to suffer much more. I promise.”

She took the rollers out and brushed out my hair. She stood back and looked at me “Wow, you are a hottie and it didn't take much to achieve it. Let me go get a mirror so you can see.” and as she started to get the mirror a knock at the door interrupted her. I hadn't seen what she had done to me so I didn't know what I looked like. I didn't hear the knock so when I heard a woman's voice I panicked and started looking for a way out. All sorts of fears were going through my mind right then. What if it was one of my teachers or worse one of the churchwomen. I was going to be in trouble for sure. No she would be the one that would be in trouble having a teenage boy in her house dressed as a girl in a rather skimpy slip and panties. She would be driven from the town on a rail or even arrested for some kind of crime. So I moved as far away from the door as I could and tried to hide.

Julie opened the door and I heard her speak. “Hello, may I help you?”

“Ms. Givens I am Amanda Killibrew and this is my daughter Chrissy, I was wondering if I might have a word with you, please. Ms. Givens...”

“Please, call me Julie and please come in and have a seat.” interrupted Ms. Givens.

The two of them came in and sat down on the couch. Mrs. Killibrew was looking hard at Julie. “Thank you, Julie. My daughter is a student at the private academy and she isn't doing well in her studies at all and I was wondering if you could help her. You came highly recommended by Mrs. Fletcher at the academy. I am willing to pay twenty dollars a session if you would tutor her.” stated Mrs. Killibrew.

“Well right now I am tutoring another student, but I could use the money. I apologize for my appearance we had a little incident with a glass of soda. Would you mind it if she came at the same time as the other student. By the way what subjects is she having trouble with?” asked Ms. Givens.

“She is having a lot of trouble with math and English. Who is the other student? I would rather it not be a boy.” Said Mrs. Killibrew.

“It is a very nice young lady from one of my classes and she also is having trouble with math and English so it would work out very well. As a matter of a fact, she's here right now. Would you like to meet her?” asked Ms. Givens.

“Why yes. That would be great.” Said Mrs. Killibrew and she sounded very sincere.

Great Scott! What was she doing? I thought. I didn't look anything like a girl and this would get both of us in trouble. I couldn't go out there and meet them like this. I looked like a boy wearing girls clothes.

“Diane, would you come out here please I want you to meet someone.” called Ms. Givens.

Oh well. I was stuck and had no way out, I had to go out there and let them meet me. I would never come back though. I would have to run away and join the circus. Hmm do they even have circuses anymore? I screwed up all the courage I could and walked out to meet them. Now the heels had the sound of a death knell. Click, click, click. And with each step, I imagined the three of them snickering and then breaking out into boisterous laughter, then becoming indignant and demanding to know what the meaning was to parade a boy out and claim it was girl. But none of that happened as I walked out and stood in the doorway with my head down.

“Mrs. Killibrew this is Diane Allen. Diane this is Mrs. Killibrew and her daughter Chrissy.” said Ms. Givens.

“Hello.” I said shyly. I was wondering if they could hear my knees knocking. Because I was as frightened as a deer meeting a hungry bear.

“Hello, Diane it's a pleasure to meet you.” Said Mrs. Killibrew with a smile.

“Please excuse her attire. We had a little accident involving a mouse and two glasses of cola earlier. Have a seat Diane.” Commanded Ms. Givens.

I sat down as femininely as I could in one of the chairs and Chrissy sat across from me. I noticed that she was staring at me pretty hard. Had she figured out what I was and was she going to blow my cover? Why hadn't I just gone on and gotten on the bus today instead of coming here? How was I going to get out of this jam. If she was going to come the same days as I was then I would have to dress as a girl each time. Where would I get the clothes and how do I pretend to be a girl when I didn't know how. Oh, woe is me. I was interrupted in my miseries by Mrs. Killibrew.

“So Diane where do you live? What do your parents do?” She asked.

“I live about five miles west of town on a farm. My father is an over the road truck driver and my Mom works uptown in one of the clothing stores. We had been taking care of my Grandfather before he died.” I said figuring that the truth would be easier to keep up with.

“I remember you now, you were in the store the other day when I took Chrissy in to buy a party dress. You recommended one to us and by the way, she was the hit of the party because of you. I can't thank you enough. You looked a lot different that day with your farm clothes on. Now you look gorgeous today out of those drab clothes and with you hair fixed.” She said.

“That's where I had seen you!” suddenly shouted Chrissy. “You are very pretty out of your work clothes. So are you going to be able to study with me?” she asked.

“Well we have been pretty busy lately so I don't know if I will be here every time, but I would like to if you don't mind.” I said trying desperately to think of a way out of this situation.

“I would love it if she could be here with me, Mom.” said Chrissy.

“Okay then it's settled.” announced Mrs. Killibrew. “When do we need to start?”

“How about the day after tomorrow? That will give me time to prepare and that is Diane's next scheduled session and don't worry I'll make sure she is here then.” Said Ms. Givens.

“Damn, how could this day get any worse. Now I was committed to this. All I need is one more thing to go wrong and I think I'll go nuts and shoot myself.” I was thinking and sure enough, it did. Someone was knocking at the door.

Ms. Givens excused herself and went to the door and opened it.

“Hi Ms. G. we came by to see how your star pupil was doing with the work.” and in rushed Sally and Annie.

They both came to an abrupt stop when they saw me. The jig was up. Put a fork in me I was done. “Hi Sally, Annie, I said sheepishly.”

Ms. Givens came over and saved the day. “I know she was dressed differently earlier, but “Diane” and I had an accident and she had to change clothes.” And she nudged Sally who was standing there in front of me with her mouth hanging open.

“Wow, 'Girl'! I have never seen you with your hair done before. You look great doesn't she, Annie?” exclaimed Sally.

Annie was staring at me and Sally had to nudge her. “You bet. I almost didn't recognize you. You really need to look this way more often.” Exclaimed Annie as she walked up to me and adjusted my hair.

“Girls. This is Mrs. Killibrew and her daughter Chrissy.” said Ms. Givens to break the silence.

They both turned and said hello to Mrs. Killibrew then they recognized Chrissy and ran up to her and started jabbering. Mrs. Killibrew looked at them with a questioning look. “Excuse me, Chrissy do you know these young ladies?” Asked Mrs. Killibrew.

“Sure do Mom. We met at some of the ball games and at camp last year. These are my best friends even though I don't get to see them enough.”

“How wonderful. I think this deserves a celebration. How about if we go out to supper. My treat.” announced Mrs. Killibrew.

“That would be wonderful, but I would have to ask Diane first if she would like to go.” said Ms. Givens. “Diane?”

“Well I really need to get home. And I only have my work clothes with me so I am not prepared for going out.” I said thinking that would suffice but once again, my luck intervened.

“I bet you can wear my size so I can run home and get you something to wear and we could be ready in about thirty minutes.” Exclaimed Sally with a mischievous look in her eye.

“Well, Okay, but I still have to get permission to go from my Mom.” I said realizing that I wasn't going to get out of this and hoping that she would say no.

“You all get that done. I have one more errand to run and I'll be back in about thirty minutes.” said Mrs. Killibrew.

“Mom, do you mind if I stay here?” asked Chrissy.

“If it's alright with Julie. Then it will be fine with me.” she answered

“It will be fine with me.” Said Ms. Givens. “Uh girls I do need to talk to you for a minute though.”

“Alright then I'll see you in a few minutes.” and Mrs. Killibrew left.

“Sally, Annie, in the bedroom now. March.” said Ms. Givens. The three of them trooped into the bedroom and closed the door.

Chrissy came over to me and got real close. “I know that you aren't a girl, but I don't care. You seem to be a very nice person and I want to get to know you. My Mom is afraid that I am going to meet some boy and start screwing all the time. She is kind of old fashioned so try not to let her know you are a boy.” and she leaned in and kissed me.

I had never been kissed by a girl before and now I have been kissed by two. Something is definitely going my way. “So you don't care if I'm not born a girl?”

“Not at all. Right now, you look better than you did the other day. And you smell better. I'm wondering though what the rest of you looks like.” She said rather coyly.

“Uh I don't think I had better show you that right now.” As I stepped away a little. I was thinking this girl is going to get me in trouble if I am not careful around her. I was so surprised at the way she had willingly accepted me as I was. I wondered if there were others who would accept me as I am no matter what.

The girls came out of the bedroom and grabbed Chrissy and ran out the door. I looked at Ms. Givens and she just shrugged her shoulders. She picked up the phone, “What is the number to the store?”

“Oh its 555-1212.” I turned and walked to the dryer and took my clothes out and quickly put them on. I put Ms. Givens slip and panties in the dirty clothes hamper and picked up her shoes and robe and carried them out and handed them to her.

“How did you know your mother wouldn't let you go with us?” she asked.

“I didn't, but I had a feeling she wouldn't. If you don't mind could I borrow a ribbon to tie my hair back with?” I asked. I felt sad and was a little disappointed that the day had to end like this, but I knew that it was for the best.

“Of course you can.” and she got me a very pretty blue one and tied my hair up for me.

“I will go ahead and leave so I won't have to answer a lot of questions.” I said. I picked up my books and said goodbye to Defiance and left out the back door so I wouldn't run into the girls. I had to make a decision about whether or not I would be coming back especially in light of the afternoon’s events. I ducked through several backyards and came out on the street that lead to the store so I could catch a ride with Mom back home. I was walking up to the store when she came out. She didn't look very happy at all.

Chapter 5

“Get in the car. Now!” she barked.

“What's wrong? What did I do?” I asked.

“I said, get in the car. Right now. And don't argue with me.” She growled.

I got in the back seat and set my books next to me wondering what I had done wrong. Surely, she couldn't know about the clothes or anything like that. Well it was back to being the whipping boy again, my life had risen to an all-time high and now I was back on the bottom, being treated like a mushroom, being kept in the dark and fed manure.

Suddenly she lashed out at me. “Dennis I can't believe that you wanted to go out with those people. They are the very type that keep the rest of us from succeeding, giving us a little charity and believing that they own us. I don't want you to have anything to do with them anymore. Do you hear me?” she demanded. And gave me a look like, if I didn't then she would beat the shit out of me, not snot, but THE SHIT. There was a big difference in the two. If I got the snot beat out of me I could get up and walk away, but with the other, it usually took a few days to get over it.

“And I don't want you to go back to school tomorrow you can stay at home and help your Uncle if it's not raining again.” she ordered.

“Yes mam.” I said. I realized that I had capitulated and that until I could do something different things were only going to get worse. I had hoped that my Mom would be a little more understanding, but she had turned out to be the one I was the most afraid of. What had happened to make her act this way. She just drove on and didn't say another word the rest of the way home.

That night I took the book about karate and went out into the washhouse again and practiced the first chapter again. Mostly to get out of the house so I wouldn't have to hear about how I was trying to hob nob with the big shots and how they were just showing pity on the poor little country boy. Ralph finally had had enough and told Mom. She quit talking about it then and started drinking. Normally, she didn't drink a lot, but tonight she had more than I had ever seen her drink. Something was up and I didn’t have a clue as to what it was. I did know that I felt a feeling of dread coming over me that I couldn’t shake. I suddenly felt scared and I didn’t know why.

I had just finished the routine and was sitting there reading my literature book when Ralph came out. “Hey what the heck did you do this afternoon? I have never seen Mom ever act like this before.”

“Man, I don't know. I had to go to Ms. Givens house to study because I'm falling behind in my studies and while I was there this lady invited me to go with her and some others to have dinner. Mom said no when Ms. Givens called and by the time I got to the store to catch, a ride home Mom was madder than a wet hornet. They were just celebrating Mrs. Killibrew daughter Chrissy getting to be tutored by Ms. Givens.” I answered.

“Well. You had better steer clear of her until she goes to bed tonight and try not to make her any madder. Okay? by the way was it Chrissy Killibrew?” he said and turned and walked out.

“Yeah, why?” I asked and he kept going.

Suddenly I realized that he wasn't treated like me at all. As a matter of a fact he hadn't gotten a whooping in a long time even though he had been caught doing a lot worse than I had ever done. Feelings of persecution started to arise causing me to wonder if it was just that they didn't want me or was it that I was such an inadequate child that they were ashamed of me. I wondered if Mom knew about my secret and if she did was that why she had been so mean to me lately?

I decided not to take a chance so I took a blanket that was being stored in the washhouse and went out to the barn where I climbed up into the hayloft. Back in the summer, we had built a fort out of hay bales and it would be the perfect place to hide out and stay warm for the night. I found some tarps and placed them over the small room we had built in the hay and made a pallet. Instead of going to sleep, I practiced the moves for about another hour then I lay down and went to sleep.

In the night, I thought I heard my name being called so I got up and looked out the opening to the hayloft but no one was there, so I lay back down. A little while later I heard my name being called again so I got up and looked out again. Only this time I called out, “Who's there?” No one answered right away and I turned to go back to bed and met a man who seemed very bright. “Hello. Who are you?”

He stood there staring at me with a stern look on his face then he spoke, “Diane, that is your new name I understand, I have a message for you from Yashua your Lord. He is pleased with you and wants you to continue on the path that you started on today, but he also wants you to be warned that it will be filled with thorns and thistles and dangers of all types all along the way. You will suffer much before you have completed your journey, but be comforted he will not subject you to any more than you can tolerate. You will make a beautiful woman and many will try to take advantage of you but he will send those who truly care for you and want you to succeed to help. So despair not and continue on.”

“How will I know who it is that really cares for me and will help me? Do you want me to succeed also and will you be there for me?” I asked. I was not afraid of him and that surprised me. I had always been skittish around strangers.

“You met some of them yesterday. I have been given to watch over you and to help when needed. If you need me just call for me, my name is already known to you. Now I must leave and you must sleep.” and he was gone in a flash.

The next day I awoke feeling better than I had ever felt before. I took the blanket and walked out to the front of the hayloft. Suddenly I remembered what I could only say at that time was a dream. Or was it? What was it he said I would suffer much before I reached my destination or something like that.

I climbed down and walked to the house. The air was cold and crisp and the sun was just coming up. A beautiful red orb that offered me hope in a time when I needed it. I stopped and offered thanks to the Lord for keeping me safe and asked that he would be with me always. A bird began to sing in the distance and I heard a dove cooing in the morning quiet, all was right with the world right then.

Later when Mom got up and started moving around. I decided to ask if I could go to school just on the off chance that she would change her mind. I waited until she seemed to be in a good mood and approached her. “Mom do you think I could go to school today?”

She had a saucepan in her hand and she whirled around and hit me on the side of my head, knocking me down to the floor in a single violent moment. “I said you can't go to school today and that is that!” She screamed at me and threw the pan at me and stomped away yelling for Ralph to get his coat and get in the car it was time to go.

I laid there in shock and disbelief at what had just happened. Then I started to cry harder than I had ever cried in my life. Blood was trickling down the side of my head and into my eyes making things even worse. Finally, after I was all cried out I got up and made a promise to myself and to God that I wouldn't cry for them anymore. I got cleaned up, put a bandage on my head and walked outside and met Uncle Will in the tractor yard. He took one look at me and cursed.

“What the hell happened to you?” he demanded.

I didn't want to tell him since it was his sister that had done it and I didn't know if he would take it well or not.

“Boy, I asked you a question and I expect an answer.”

“Uncle Will, Mom won't let me go to school. I asked her this morning and she hit me.” I said. Hoping that would be the end of it, but no it wasn't.

“Damn. What did she hit you with a club?” He demanded.

“A sauce pan.” I answered.

“All because you wanted to go to school?” he asked.

I told him about having to stay after school and being asked to go with some people to eat supper and how she acted after that and about sleeping in the barn last night. I expected him to side with her and tell me that I deserved more than what I had gotten, but instead he put his arm around my shoulders and just shook his head. I had never heard him raise his voice once to his kids and come to think of it, I had never heard one of them say they had ever gotten a whipping from him. I knew that they respected him and loved him very much and would face anything for him. He would do the same for them if need be.

“Don't worry this will pass. Go get the grease gun and get to work I'll be back in a little while.” he said and got back into his truck and drove off.

Uncle Will came back in a little while and he had two of the hired hands in the truck with him. I could see that he was in a bad mood so I did my best to stay away from him. I hooked up one of the empty cotton trailers to the Cub Farmall and waited to see where to take it. Then Uncle will announced where to go to and we all took off with one of the hands driving the Cotton Picker and one on the tractor with a bush hog behind it. Because we had gotten such a late start that day because of the extra moisture on the cotton that morning we didn't stop for lunch. Uncle will went and got us all some sandwiches from the store and the two hands took turns eating and running the picker. I got to eat last while I was taking the trailer up to the side of the road to be picked up that afternoon. I didn't realize how hungry I was, I hadn't eaten since the day before at lunch. I didn't get to eat lunch yesterday or supper last night. That baloney sandwich sure tasted great.

I decided to avoid Mom that night and just go on out to the barn loft and do my exercises as I called them and lay down. It was late about ten o'clock before we stopped picking and I was so tired. I did the karate exercises and then I laid down and went straight to sleep. The next day was a repeat of the day before only I found the house locked up. We had never had to lock the house especially out here in the country. I had planned on getting some of my clothes out of the house so I could change but that didn't seem to be in the cards. I remembered that Ralph didn't lock the bedroom windows so I got a ladder and climbed up and got into the house that way. I took as many clothes as I could and got out as fast as I could. Then I put the ladder back and waited for Uncle will to show up. I figured that we had about two maybe three days of picking left and then he would be through for the season. I needed to decide what to do about school or finding a job to make some money so I could leave.

I really didn't want to go but it didn't take a brain surgeon to realize that I was in danger. The thought of being injured badly or worse losing my temper and hurting one of my parents wasn't what I wanted. Mom had hurt me pretty bad and scared me even worse. Not knowing why was probably the worst part of it, what had I done to deserve the treatment that I was receiving. Hating your own child must be one of the worst things in the world and that was what I was dealing with. The feeling of being alone was the worst, oh, I know I had my Uncle Will but he didn't want to intervene especially since the reading of the will had caused a serious rift in the family. The Aunts were mad because they didn't get what they thought they deserved.

Damn, what an idiot I was, thinking that I had done something wrong. I hadn't done anything wrong except to talk to my Grandfather and then finding out that he had left the farm to me instead of dividing the land up so Mom and Dad could make some money selling it. I was bearing the brunt of their unhappiness. Neither had been really loving to me but this was unacceptable. Well they weren't going to run me off and they weren't going to crush me. I was going to survive one way or another and I wasn't going to let them run me off either. I was part owner of the barn and I was going to turn it into my home and stay here.

I told Uncle Will that I was going back to school the next day but that I would be back that afternoon to help with the picking. “I'm glad that you have decided to go back no matter what. An education is the only way to get ahead in this world right now so I understand. I will support you in this no matter what.” He said.

“I am going to live in the barn since it isn't in the five acres that they got in the will. I will have to clean it up and find a way to make it livable but I can do it.” I said.

“Dennis, I want you to be careful. You and I have made the whole family angry and they aren't going to let it pass anytime soon. I have noticed a real change for the worse in your parents to the point I am considering calling Mr. Rosenthal to see what can be done about their attitude toward you. So I want you to avoid any confrontation with either of your parents until I can figure out something.” said Uncle Will.

“Yes sir.” I replied.

The next day I got up and went down to the bus stop and waited for the bus. I had gotten my books out of the house and I took a bath while they were gone. I hadn't had a chance to clean my clothes so I was still a little rank, but at least I was going back no matter what. I thought it a little strange that Ralph wasn't at the bus stop and I became worried about him. I decided that I had time to go back to the house and do a little snooping around. I found out that neither he nor Mom were there and it looked like neither one had been there since yesterday. The car was gone and the doors were still locked. While I was there, a man came up and put a sign in the front yard announcing that the house was for sale. I went down and asked him what was going on and he told me that they wanted to sell the place and move to Texas. He said that it should bring a pretty good price, although he didn't think that it would sell soon though.

Uncle Will came up about that time and I told him what I had found out. “I should have known that this was going to happen. Are you still going to stay here?” He asked.

“Yes, sir I guess that I need to talk to Mr. Rosenthal as soon as possible. I will need to make arrangements to be able to live here on my own.”

“Well, I can help with that some, but right now we need to get you to school and I need to go talk to Mr. Rosenthal for you. I don't think that your Mom or Ralph are in town so I don't see any need to avoid them right now. Hop in I will drop you off at school on the way.”

“Do you think they were just going to go off and leave me here without saying anything?” I asked.

“I do.” he replied.

I got to school and went in and told the principal what I had decided and he told me that he thought it was for the best and that was when he told me that my Mom had come by and made arrangements to take Ralph out for a week. I couldn't believe it, they were just going to go off and leave me here with no place to live. Then it hit me, maybe I could put up my part in the farm as collateral to buy the house so I would have a place to live. I would have to find a way to pay it off, but I thought it could be done.

Ms. Givens was glad to have me back in class. So were Sally and Annie both of them gave me big hugs even if I did smell like a dead skunk. Some of the guys weren't so happy to see me and with Ralph, gone one of them got a little pushy, but when he tried to hit me I managed to avoid it and stay away from him just like the exercises had taught me. I blocked some of the punches and even managed to get in a couple of good hits before one of the teachers broke it up. Maybe there was hope for me after all.

The school counselor sent for me during shop class. I was wondering what was wrong now. My whole life for the last week revolved around one bad thing after another. When I got to the office I was greeted by the school secretary and was told to go on into his office he was expecting me. His office was wall-to-wall books and filing cabinets I often wondered what he kept in there, was it every incident and nuance of each students life that went through school. He wasn't in his office so, I out of curiosity drifted over to the filing cabinet marked A-Am and pulled it open. There in the back I found a file with my name on it, I looked around to make sure that no one was coming and pulled the folder up leaving it in place. I removed the contents and started to read. I apparently was a problem student that caused considerable trouble in the classroom with my appearance and my sexual orientation, According to the file, I was a homosexual who had attempted to lure several of the football players into a gay relationship. Their names were in the file and two teachers also made the same complaint. I was shocked to learn that one of them was the band director. I heard the secretary saying that I was waiting in the office and I shoved the file back in place and closed the drawer. I turned and was pretending to be interested in some of his books on Native Americans.

“Are you interested in Native Americans?” asked Mr. Thompson.

“I hadn't really thought about it, but you seem to be.” I replied.

“They lived and worked in harmony with the land and got along fine, opposed to the European peoples that colonized America. I am very interested in their spiritual lives and what they believed in. As a matter of a fact, one of the little known things about the peoples of this land and the land south of here in Central America is that they developed a complex calendar that is extremely accurate and is able to predict the end of time according to some scholars. I think they have been sniffing to much copying fluid if you want to know my opinion.” He said. “But I didn't call you down here to talk about that, Instead I need to go over your test scores from the other day and to find out why you weren't in school the last few days.” He said.

“I was told by my Mom that I wasn't allowed to go to school here and she didn't elaborate when she told me i could come back, but they are gone somewhere so I came back on my own.” I unconsciously reached up and rubbed the cut on the side of my head.

“She didn't relay that to me. So why did she decide to let you come back?”

“I didn't ask for her permission, I decided that I wanted an education and came back on my own. So what's in the tests that is so important. Do they say that I have the IQ of a worm and that I am Gay and homicidal?” I asked. I couldn't help myself, I was starting to feel very angry and unable to control my emotions. The sudden realization that someone wanted to hurt me was starting to override all other thoughts that I had. I knew I had to get it under control or I was going to be in trouble. I needed a few minutes to calm down, but how would I get them. Then providence stepped in and the telephone rang. Mr. Thompson answered it and waved me out of the room and shut the door. I told the secretary I would be back in a minute, using the excuse that I needed to go to the bathroom.

I didn't go to the bathroom but instead I walked outside for a breath of fresh air. I had to sort this out and find out who the other teacher was. The file said that the other teacher didn't want to be identified because of the possibility of retaliation from me. What BS! This was a stab in the back from someone who only wanted me gone and I bet those guys were put up to saying that. Well I think that one on one I could take them and make them talk. That was exactly what I was going to do. But first I needed to know as much about them as possible.

Chapter 6

I went back in and the door to his office was still closed. So I waited and waited until the bell rang and I stood up and went to my next class. I got lucky and saw one of my accusers going into the bathroom. I eased up to the door and pushed it open quietly and slipped in. I saw him at the urinal zipping up his pants and when he turned around, I jumped up and kicked him in the chest, knocking him to the floor. I kicked him in the face then jumped on him and started to hit him over and over. Finally, I stopped and grabbed him by the shirt and screamed at him, “Who put you up to telling Mr. Thompson that I was a queer? And you better talk or I will finish the job and really mess you up.”

“Hey don't hit me again, we were only doing a favor for Mrs. Johnson. She said that if we told him that, then they would throw you out of school and we wouldn't have to deal with you again. Hey, it wasn't anything personal. I was just doing it for her. She said she would make sure we passed, because we don't do that well in her class and if we flunked then we couldn't play ball.” He said.

“Well, you are going to tell that to the principal let's go right now and remember I can kick your ass now anytime I want. So don't try to run off.” I said.

“He won't be running off.” I turned and saw the principal standing there. He looked really angry and was staring at my accuser. “Get up, let’s go to the office, both of you.”

We went back to the office and were made to sit outside while the principal sent for the other two accusers and made them sit away from each other when they showed up, then he took them one at a time into his office and closed the door. He then called me into the office, but he didn't close the door. “Dennis it seems you were accused of something that you didn't do. We took the information and waited to see if it was true. Apparently, it wasn't and now I am going to have to do something about them lying and a teacher lying to get a student expelled. I am going to take the three days you weren't here and apply to a suspension. It is like you have your time served so I want you to go to your regular class and don't have anything to do with the teacher or the boys out there. Do you understand?”

“What are you going to do with them?” I asked.

“They get kicked off the football team for the year and suspension from school for three days and don't ask about the teacher because I can't tell you.” he said. “Now, about how did you find out about the complaint. Did you look at your file while you were waiting for Mr. Thompson?”

I thought about lying and telling him that someone had told me but he had always been a straight shooter with me and I respected him very much. “Yes sir.” I said.

“Well I'm interested in finding out what is in it and now is as good a time as any.” and he got up and went into Mr. Thompson office and came back with my file. “Now let's see what we have here. Hmm...It looks like you are a regular troublemaker and a general screw-up. It says here that you are a narcotics user and a former inmate at a juvenile detention facility. It also says that you are failing all of your classes and have no ambition except to sell drugs. Is this correct?” he asked with a serious look on his face.

About that time, Mr. Thompson came around the corner and looked in the office. “Is there a problem Mr. Alverez?” He asked.

“Yes, I do believe we have a serious problem. Do you know anything about this?” And Mr. Alverez pointed at the file.

“That is a student file that we keep on each child. Why is something wrong with it?” asked Mr. Thompson.

“I think you had better take a look at this.” And Mr. Alverez showed him the file.

Mr. Thompson turned white and then he began to get very red. He looked at the entire folder and then slammed it down. “I want to know who put all of that crap in there about him. I can't believe that anyone would sink to such low depths to hurt a student here as to put such blatant lies in his school record.”

“So you deny knowing anything about it then?” Asked Mr. Alverez.

“Why of course I don’t know anything about it! And I can't believe that you would even suspect me of such a thing. The only negative things in there that I personally know about are the things that we have discussed and both of us have placed letters in there stating that we disagreed strongly with them. This other stuff is just lies and trash.” Then it was like a light had come on and Mr. Thompson asked, “Do you think those three had anything to do with it.”

“No, but I do believe I know who does. Dennis it's time for you to get back to class and I expect you to continue with the tutoring sessions with Ms. Givens, oh and don't be getting any ideas about running off to Tahiti and living naked on the beach. Now go.” Said Mr. Alverez.

“Yes sir.” Then it hit me. “Hey who told you about Tahiti?”

“Never mind. Out!” he said with a grin.

I left and as I walked by each of my accusers I wanted to rub salt in their wounds, but all I could do was say, “I forgive you.” and walk out.

I was halfway down the hall when the bell rang for the last class. I went to Band and got my horn out and sat down. I knew that the director had said those terrible things about me and that I was going to have to put them aside so I could stay in the band, but I was thinking that maybe being here wasn't such a good idea. I began to think that I would drop band and take a study hall, but I would be giving up one of the few things that I did that made me feel good about myself. I decided in that instant to stay and stick it out no matter what.

I was warming up when the director came in and announced that he would only be taking a certain few to the Christmas concert and that the names of those who would be going were posted on the board. The rest were to go to study hall. Well I knew that I wasn't selected to stay so I got up and went to put my horn up and go to study hall when Abraham the first chair of my section asked where I was going. “I am going to put my stuff up and go to study hall. You know as well as I do he won't let me play in the concert.”

“You have to stay because I can't play in the concert” he said.

“Why not, you are the first chair? And he has been trying to get rid of me for two years so I'm going to take my chance to leave and go.” I said.

“You don't understand I'm Jewish.” He said.

“So. What does that have to do with anything?” I asked.

“My parents won't let me play Christmas songs because they don't believe in Jesus. So you have to stay and play in my place. Beside you are better than me any day and you know it.” He said and kind of bowed his head more in shame than anything. “Listen I know that Mr. Stoop doesn't like you and thinks you're queer, but I know better. The only reason I am first chair is because of that. So the band needs you. Don't leave.”

“Well, okay then I'll stay, but I don't think it's right to throw the rest out just because he wants to look like he is doing such a great job.” I thought about that for a second and said. “Mr. Stoop! I don't think that it's right to throw some of us out just because we aren't doing as well as some of the others. I mean we all signed up for band and we are getting a grade for it so I don't see how you can just toss us aside like this.”

“Dennis you are part of the concert band so you don't have anything to fuss about. So sit down.”
Replied Mr. Stoop and some of the older and cooler ones in the band agreed with him.

“No, if you are going to throw them out, then I am going with them. Far be it from me to QUEER your concert.” I said. I was determined to stand my ground. “I mean why don't you just tell these others that they suck and aren't good enough for you or for your band? Look at Billy he has been in the band for six years and tries harder than anybody else in here and you just blow him off. Jeannie over there absolutely loves the band and would do anything for it but you are tossing her aside like a dirty rag. No if they go so do I.”

Then almost half of the people that were supposed to stay stood up and started gathering their things. Jennifer the first chair oboe player stood up and said, “I agree if you are going to throw them out then I am going also.” and the rest of the ones standing shouted in agreement.

“Alright then get out. Go on, I don't need you here if that is your attitude.” said Mr. Stoop and we all left.

When we got to study hall the teacher in charge was Mrs. Johnson. She told us to find seats and get to work. When we all walked up to the empty tables in the back, she suddenly called out. “Not you Dennis, I want you right here so you won't cause any trouble.” and she pointed to a single chair beside her desk. It had DUNCE CHAIR written on it. “Now! You little sissy.”

I had enough. “Nope, I think I'll sit here with the rest of the band. If that isn't good enough then go tell the Principal.” And I sat down with the rest of them. Mrs. Johnson turned an ugly shade of purple and started to stutter and spit. She grabbed her paddle and started toward me when the door to the study hall opened and in came Mr. Alverez.

“Mrs. Johnson, I need to see all of the Band students outside now.” said Mr. Alverez.

“Of course.” she said. “But I need Dennis to stay behind I have to discipline him.”

“No, he is to accompany the rest, right now.” he said and waved at us to go outside. He didn't move and she just let us pass.

Once in the hall he asked, “I need to know what happened in band.” They all looked at me.

“Well, sir, we were told that some of us were being cut from the concert band and that we needed to go to study hall. I guess it is my fault that we all got up and walked out. I didn't think it was right and Abraham told me that the reason why he couldn't play in the Christmas concert was because he was Jewish and that was the only reason that I was going to be moved up to first chair. I didn't think it was right to throw us out because Mr. Stoop didn't want to work with us to help us improve.” I said and several of the others voiced their agreement.

“Come on you are going back to band. You are assigned to band for this period not study hall.” and Mr. Alverez led us back to the auditorium where we practiced. He told us to go and get in our seats and prepare to practice. “Mr. Stoop I need to see you for a few minutes please.”

They went out into the hall and apparently, it wasn't a pleasant meeting because we could hear them both in the auditorium. Finally, Mr. Stoop came back in and announced, “I was just informed that I couldn't remove you from the band without prior approval so I guess that you are to stay. Dennis here has made sure of that.”

“Dennis didn't do it. I did.” said Billy.''

“What?” Asked Mr. Stoop.

“Because I love this band and I didn't like being told to get out.” He said and continued.” I may not be the best trombone player but I try as hard as I can. All I ever get from you is ridicule and criticism I am tired of it and today was the last straw. So don't go blaming it on Dennis just because he isn't one of the cool ones or because you think he is gay when he isn't, it's your own fault.”

“Well I guess that since I am being saddled with all the blame, I guess that the best thing I can do is to just leave.” and Mr. Stoop laid down his baton and walked out.

One of the “Cool Ones” piped up and said, “That's just great Billy. Now what are we going to do since the band director has left.”

“I will lead the band until a teacher comes in. Since that is what I want to do anyway.” Said Billy.

“Yeah like you know what you are doing.” said Ronny the cool one. “I'll bet you don't even know which end of the baton you conduct with.”

“Well, I'm going to give him the chance to show us and YOU are going to follow Ronny. And if you give him any problems then I will be glad to take care of them.” Said Ms. Givens as she walked down the aisle of the auditorium. “I told Mr. Alverez that I would be glad to sit in here with you while you practiced. So Billy, do your thing.”

“We really need a director who knows what to do and what to listen for. Not someone like Billy who is tone deaf as a board.” argued Ronny.

“Well, let's find out if he is then. Billy would you please come up here and let's see what you have.” said Ms. Givens.

“Gladly.” said Billy. He walked up on the podium and picked up the baton and shuffled through the music until he found the piece that he was looking for. “Alright let's start with White Christmas and I want to hear the woodwind section at letter B, please.”

Billy raised the baton and started them off and half way through he stopped and corrected them on a couple of points and then restarted. He worked with the woodwind section for about ten minutes and then he had us all join in. I was amazed it sounded a lot better than it had. Then he took the brasses and worked with them for about ten minutes on another section. The band was sounding pretty good for a change. He didn't rush us or yell at us and he was patient with the ones having trouble. Then he looked at his watch and announced that it was almost time to leave but he wanted us to learn the E flat major scale and be ready to play it tomorrow in the concert scale. Ms. Givens was impressed with him to the point that she wanted him to continue to lead the band and work with them.

I was getting ready to leave when Ms. Givens caught me and pulled me to the side. “So your first day back and you skip my class. I guess that you are going to have to work twice as hard to catch up young lady. Be at my house tomorrow afternoon and be prepared to take a bath and get cleaned up so we can get some serious work done.”

“I don't know if I can come right after school. We are finishing up with the harvest and we like about one or two days before I can come over.” I said. I didn't catch the part about being a young lady or I would have tried to hide under the auditorium seats. I still hadn't made a decision on whether I wanted that to continue or not. I really liked it and I felt so alive and balanced while doing it, it was like a high I guess if I knew what a high was.

“Okay, but I want you to get back to it as soon as you can. Promise?” pleaded Ms. Givens.

“I will but right now I need to make a little money to survive.” I said.

“I understand.”

I turned and left and took my horn and caught the bus home. On the way, all the kids complained about how I smelled. I have to admit that it wasn't very pleasant but there wasn't much I could do about it right them. When I got home, I would wash my clothes and take a bath after we quit for the night.

Chapter 7

That afternoon when I got home I took the cub and drove down into the fields and found them. Uncle Will was sitting in the truck watching the pickers. I parked the tractor and walked up to him. He looked at me and looked at his watch. “What are you a banker, coming in when you want to.” he teased.

“Yeah, I made a fortune today on interest and thought I would come in late.” I joked back.

“Okay get up there and start packing that cotton and by the way I really would like it if you wouldn't stand so close. You smell like a pole cat.” he said.

“I do not. Well... maybe a little. I smell more like a wet dog. I think.” I joked. He swatted at me and I took off for the trailer and got busy. He came over to the trailer and got up in it with me and while we were packing the cotton, he asked how my day went. I told him all about it and how Mrs. Johnson had tried to get me expelled and how the band director had quit because he wasn't allowed to throw a bunch of us out of the band for no good reason. Then I told him that Ms. Givens wanted me back in the tutoring sessions and that the principal had said that I was going to have to do it. He just listened to me and asked a few questions along the way. Narrating a story wasn't my forte, but I did the best that I could. I found that he was good listener and then he started talking about how Mrs. Johnson had given Will and George a hard time also because of a problem he had with her husband and he had to intervene and have something done about it. By that time, the two of them showed up and got in the trailer with us and we had it pretty well walked down by the time one of the guys came around to dump the picker.

After the dump, Uncle Will hooked up to the trailer and took the two cotton trailers back up to the house. He put George on the 4020 with the bush hog and had him start cutting the cotton stalks down. He took Will with him to the cotton gin to help with the trailer and to pick up the two that were ready to be brought back. I kept packing the trailer until it was full and then I hooked the cub to it to move it closer to where they were picking. Both of the men that were driving the pickers were good men who had always worked on a farm. They both lived in town and Uncle Will would pick them up in the morning to save them gas money. I knew that they didn't make a lot, but Uncle Will paid them as much as he could so he could keep them. Actually, it was difficult to keep good-trained help on the farm.

After we shut down at dark, I went to the house and washed and dried my clothes and took a bath. I had all of my clothes in the wash so I found a pair of Moms old shorts and I changed into them. They seemed to fit very well, a little too well. The fact that they seemed to fit a little to well bothered me more than I wanted it to. I was starting to realize that something was happening to me and I didn’t know what it was. While I was waiting on my clothes, I did my exercises and practiced the next chapter in the book. I was realizing that I was going to need some training equipment that the book recommended like a punching bag. I could make one out of an old cotton sack and some of the cotton that got spilled on the ground and hang it up in the loft so I could work on it at night. I had already found some electrical wire and had run it up to the loft and hung a light up there. I tore the old wires out since they seemed a little frayed and dangerous. I got Uncle Will to make sure that I had done it right since I didn't want to wake up to an electrical fire. I had pulled an old trailer up to the opening to the hayloft and had removed all of the loose hay on the floor. That made things a lot better and safer but I still couldn't have any kind of heater up there, so since they were going to be gone for a week I thought I would just stay in the house while they were gone.

I had finished with the exercises and was starting on my homework when the telephone rang. Without thinking, I answered it and it was Mom on the other end. “I thought you would be in the house while we were gone.” she said.

“I just took a bath and washed my clothes. I won't be here long.” I said.

“No, no you can stay there if you want to. I just called to tell you that we will be back sooner than l expected. I need you to go down and take that FOR SALE sign down. I'm not selling the house after all.” she said.

“Yes mam, I'll do it in the morning. Is there something I need to know?” I asked.

“I’ll explain it to you one day but not right now. Have you done your homework and fed Smokey?” she asked changing the subject.

“Yes mam, I fed Smokey the last of the dog food tonight. I have enough money to buy him some more tomorrow and I was just starting on my homework. So when are you going to be back?” I asked.

“Probably Wednesday afternoon. I want you to move into your Granddad's old room and stay there. I'll call Will and see if he can get Smokey, some dog food and I will pay him back when we get back. I need to talk to him anyway. Well this is long distance and it is going to cost me a fortune so I am going to hang up now. You be careful and I will see you Wednesday. Bye.” she said and hung up.

I was really confused then. I hadn't expected that attitude, as a matter of a fact I kind of thought that she would have hit the ceiling when I answered the phone. Her whole demeanor had changed since they had left for the week and I wanted to know what was going on. Well I guess even I could catch a break every now and then. So I went on and did my homework, as I was finishing up the phone rang again and I answered it. This time it was Uncle Will. “Dennis I just talked to your Mother and she said she was coming home in a day or two and she wanted me to pick up some dog food for Smokey. Also I guess I won't need you tomorrow afternoon so you don't have to rush home to get to the fields.”

“That would be great I have to start back on the tutoring sessions so I will call the teacher and see if I can start back tomorrow. If that is alright with you?” I asked. I was really wanting him to say he needed me on the farm but he said it was fine with him. Why didn’t I want to go back the last time I went it was a wonderful experience that I still dreamed about. I knew that I was a boy and all, but when I put those clothes on I felt as though I was happy. No I felt right. I felt as though I was as I should have been all along and now I was worried that I couldn’t continue and I didn’t want to start and not be able to continue along as I should.

I slept better that night than I had in two weeks, but I dreamed that I was being chased by a big truck that had snapping teeth in the front that were trying to bite me. I kept losing my clothes and was running naked and the more I tried to put them on the harder it got and I was being laughed at by everybody that I tried to get to help me stop the truck. Then when I finally got to where I could put my clothes on, they were girl’s clothes, and then the people started to help the truck catch me. Finally, it got me and as the teeth were just about to tear me apart, I woke up. Smokey was whining wanting out so I let him out. Mom would go ballistic if she knew that I was letting Smokey stay in the house with me, but he didn't make any messes and he stayed right with me.

When I let him out, I saw a strange car in the tractor yard so I grabbed the 12 gauge shotgun out of the gun case and loaded it. I put the shorts on that I had been wearing and my tennis shoes and walked out to see who it was. As I got closer I saw two guys doing something to the 3020, I could hear the sound of wrenches being dropped and cussing. I eased up to them and Smokey was right beside me. He started growling and I heard one of the guys say, “Damn, there's that damn dog. Watch him he's as mean and tough as they come. He bit me last summer when I tried to get a battery off one of the tractors.” Then I heard the other one say, “Well I have something for him.” and I heard a pistol being cocked.

“Well, I have something bigger.” I said and racked a shell into the shotgun. That made both of them take off toward their car and Smokey was hot after them. He managed to get a hold of the smaller of the two and clamp down on his leg. The bigger one turned and fired a shot at Smokey, but missed. I pointed the shotgun at them and fired once. I heard the bigger one yell and jump in the car and start it up. The smaller one had broken free of Smokey and jumped into the passenger side window as the car started up and took off. The driver floored it and I could hear a straight pipe on a six cylinder and it looked like an old Ford two door. He spun it around and as he did, it put him on my side and he pointed the pistol out the window and fired a shot at me. I pumped another round in the chamber of the shotgun and fired at the car hitting the side of it as he was getting ready to shoot again, but they were moving fast down the drive and onto the road and Smokey was hard after them and I couldn't shoot without hitting Smokey.

Smokey came back up to me and looked at me like. “Well, I had him why didn't you pop him?” I looked at him and said. “Don't look at me that way. You're the one that let him go.” and I reached down and petted him. “You did a great job anyway and it looks like you managed to draw some blood off of one of them. Come on let's go back to the house and call Uncle Will.”

I called Uncle Will and he came right on over and brought Will and George. I put a pair of jeans on and got Smokey a piece of baloney as a reward for his actions. Uncle Will called the Sheriff’s Department and they came out to take a report. I put Smokey on a leash so he wouldn't bite the Sheriff, which might be a bad thing.

“Are you alright?” asked Uncle Will when he got there.

“I have a little scratch on my leg from a bullet but I'm okay.” I said. “It just burns a little is all.”

“Let's see it.” and he held up a flashlight to my leg. “Did you change clothes I don't see a bullet hole but it sure is bleeding a lot. Take your pants off and let’s see what you have there.”

I pulled my jeans down and that was when I realized that I had been hit in the leg. I had a bullet hole in my leg and it was bleeding a lot. He made me turn around and he looked at the back of my leg and found where the bullet had come out. He made me take Smokey and go to the house after I left the shotgun with him and the extra shells I had in my pocket. As I was walking back up the house, I heard him reloading the gun.

I got to the house and found a clean old t-shirt and I put it around my leg after I cleaned it with some peroxide and took some duck-tape and taped it in place. It seemed to stop the bleeding so I left Smokey in the house and walked back outside to where the Sheriff and Uncle Will were talking. When I came up the Sheriff looked at me and said, “So this is Wyatt Erpe. Huh?”

“That's him all right. I just wish he had something a little more effective than bird shot in here.” said Uncle Will and he held up the shotgun.

“Probably just as well he didn't.” said the Sheriff. “I don't think that he would like having killed a man on his conscience. So did you get a good look at them? Did you recognize either one of them?”

“No sir. But I can describe the car. It was a sixty or sixty-one Fairlane two door with a six cylinder that has a straight pipe and it and it will have a shotgun hit on the driver’s side. The driver was a big guy and he was the one with the pistol that shot me. I also managed to hit him with one shot because he hollered when it hit. The other one was the one I heard talking about getting run off by Smokey last summer. He's also the one that Smokey bit on the leg. I guess I will have to take Smokey to the vet to get his shots since I don't want him getting sick from biting that little weasel.” I said. Uncle Will and the Sheriff thought that was funny and laughed pretty hard at it.

The Sheriff asked. “Are you alright? Will you didn't say anything about him being shot. Is it bad?”

“No sir it's not bad. It went clean through I have it bandaged up and the bleeding has stopped. I didn't even know I was hit until Uncle Will saw the blood.” I said.

“I'm going to leave George here to watch the dog and make sure it doesn't get sick and I'm going to take Dennis in town to see Doc. George take this shotgun. Will put Dennis in the truck. Sheriff, do you need anything else?” Uncle Will asked.

“Nope, I think I know who did this and if I can catch up to him before he has a chance to paint over the shot marks I can arrest him. But I'll just tell you he's slicker than a snake oil salesman. My guess is that he and his buddy have left the county by now and won't come back until they have healed and covered their tracks. But I'll call the surrounding counties and have them be on the lookout anyway.” Said the Sheriff.

Uncle Will took me into town and carried me to the local Doctors Office. 'Doc' or Doctor Clifford had a clinic in the back of his house and he would see people in the middle of the night there. I walked up to the house and suddenly remembered that I hated shots and needles. I started to turn and run but Will grabbed me by the neck and told me, “Oh no you don't, if I had to get out of bed for this then you are going in here and that's all there is to it.”

Doc came to the door in his pajamas and robe looking like warmed over manure. “What's the matter Will?”

“Dennis, here, was shot in the leg tonight and I need you to take a look at It.?” Uncle Will said.

“Damn, what time is it anyway? And what were you doing to get shot? Hell I didn't think you were the one that was the hell raiser. I though your brother Ralph was going to be the one that came in here with a bullet in him. Well come on in and get up on the table. Take your pants off first.” Doc said without giving us time to answer any questions.

I took my pants off and sat on the table. He looked at the bandage and pronounced it a first rate field dressing. Then he took a pair of tweezers that looked like a pair of scissors and poked around in the wound. That hurt, but I managed not to cry out. Then he re-wrapped the wound with some gauzy looking stuff and some kind of white roll of gauzy looking stuff. “Well it didn't hit anything important.” He said. “But what happened to your head?”

“Thanks a lot. You saying I'm not important?” I said joking. Will popped me in the back of the head.

“Don't be a smart alec.” he said.

“Is Will your enforcer?” asked Doc.

“He does a fine job of keeping the rest of them in line. I don't have to do much at all. He's a good son.” said Uncle Will with a smile. “All of my kids are good including this one.” and he pointed at me.

“Yes, I recon they are at that. Well the only thing he needs is some antibiotics and he should be fine. I want you to keep it clean and put a new bandage on it every day for a week. You understand?” said Doc. “So what happened to your head?”

“Mom hit me with a sauce pan.” I answered.

“Why didn't you come in and get it sewed up? Now you are going to have a bad scar there. Why did she hit you with a sauce pan any way.” he asked.

“I wish you wouldn't ask him about that. It's a really touchy subject in the family right now.” said Uncle Will. He had that drop it tone of voice.

Doc looked at him and sighed, “All right, but now he's really going to need an antibiotic because that is infected. Put some hydrogen peroxide on it twice a day for three days and keep it covered up.”

“Yes sir. So I'll be getting a prescription then?” I said thinking that I had dodged the needle.

“Yep, but I'm going to give you something to get you started tonight.” and he turned around with a big needle.

I started pulling my pants up and was making a bee line for the door but Will caught me and threw me back up on the table and I was fighting like a wild cat. Then I tried a new tact. “Uh Doc, I don't guess that you know I have an allergy to stainless steel do you?”

“Why, no, I didn't. What does it do to you?” he asked.

Will had loosed his grip and I looked at him and said with a straight face. “It makes me break out all over....and run out of the room.” and I jumped up again and started for the door. But Will caught me again and threw me back on the table. I gave up and told them I would take the shot but I wouldn't like it. I dropped my pants and my underpants.

Doc looked at me kind of funny and asked. “Dennis where are your balls?”

I told him about the accident and that they had just gone away and he made me lay down again and he felt around down there. Then he pulled my shirt up and looked at my chest and felt of my breast. I was mortified. I had never been felt up by a man before even if it was a doctor. Then he called Uncle Will out into the hall and talked to him. He came back in and without any warning, he stuck me in the butt with that damn rusty nail he was calling a syringe and needle. I yelled loud when he stuck me.

“You know you whined more over that shot than you did over being shot with a bullet in the leg.” Said Doc.

“The damn bullet...” and I ducked just in time to keep from being smacked in the back of the head, “didn't hurt as bad.” I said and smirked at Will and he popped me in the back of the head anyway.

“Don't be cussing.” He said.

“Can I borrow Will for a few days I need a little help with my kids.” said Doc.

“Long as you feed and water him.” Said Uncle Will with a smile.

“Keep him for as long as you like, I don't mind.” I said and ducked again.

Doc and Uncle Will thought that was hilarious. I was being serious. I loved Will but he always was grown up ever since I had known him. He was the serious one and George was the comic. We always seemed to get in trouble with Will, but we would do anything for him.

“Oh and by the way I am going to write a note for you not to do PE for the rest of the week, I don't want that hole to start bleeding again. I understand that Billy is directing the band now?” Doc asked.

“Yes sir Mr. Stoop quit and Billy volunteered to do it. Some of the cool ones didn't like it, but they didn't have a choice in it since Ms. Givens is supervising us until they find a Band director. And as it turned out Billy is a great director. He seems to have a real talent for it.” I said.

“Well I think that is great. All right y'all get out so I can get some sleep.” and Doc rushed us out of his office and slammed the door behind us.

“Do you think he wanted us gone?” I said rather sarcastically.

“Yep, I think so.” said Uncle Will.

Chapter 8

When we got to the house we found George asleep on the couch with Smokey curled up at his feet. Uncle Will said he would leave him there and come by in the morning to get us to go to school. I went on and got in bed after I put a blanket on George, Smokey came back with me and jumped up and got in bed with me. I never realized that Smokey wanted to come in the house before, but then Mom and Dad didn't want him in the house. I really liked him being here with me, it was like having a security blanket with teeth. Although I have to say, he hogged the bed and I had to push him back on his side of the bed twice.

The next day while at school it hit me that I almost died last night and I started shaking all over while I was sitting outside at lunch. The pain in my leg was intense and moving around was quite a chore. The memory of the sound of the gunshot came rushing toward me like that bullet and when it hit it did more damage than the bullet ever could. I felt scared, cold and vulnerable. Why hadn't I been scared last night, was it the adrenalin rush that I was having. Whatever it was it had worn off and now, I realized that I wasn't invincible and I would have to be more careful. Finally, the shakes subsided and I was able to get up and go in.

Sally saw me and came up and threw her arms around me. “I have missed you. I thought that it was something I did that made you not want to come back to school. If I did I'm so sorry.”

“Sally you can't run me off with a gun,” (I could say that factually) “I have been having some family problems that have made it really hard for me to go to school and if it's any consolation I have really missed you too.” I said and to break the tension I told her. “Has anybody told you today that you are one of the ten most beautiful women in the world?”

She suddenly broke into tears and was smiling at the same time. “You are so sweet, I am so glad that it rained that day. I talked to Ms. G. and she was upset that you didn't come back the next day. She said that you may think you are a girl inside. Is that right?”

“I really don't know if I am or not. All I know is that the kiss you gave me has been on my mind ever since. Well that and the feel of you sitting on my lap.” I said and smiled at her in an effort to get her to stop crying. I wondered who else Ms. Givens had told about me now and as I considered that I noticed that Sally had started crying. “Listen, Sally, if you don't stop crying I am going to start and it will make my mascara run.”

She stopped and looked at my eyes, then she punched me on the arm. “You liar you don't have any mascara on. But damn you don't need any with those eyelashes.”

“I made you look though and stop crying.” I said.

She swatted me on the leg with her purse and hit the wound and I almost fainted. The pain was so great that I almost couldn't stand it. She saw it and asked what was the matter. “Dennis are you alright?”

“Yeah I had a little accident and you hit me right where it hurts. Sorry I didn't mean to scare you.” I said getting my composure back.

“Is that what happened to your head too?” she asked.

“Uh, no that is something else.” I said and turned away.

“Did you get beaten?” she asked. “I mean it's pretty obvious, you come in with bruises and cuts that shouldn't be there. I won't tell anybody if you don't want me to. Please talk to me.”

“Sally I can't tell you what happened it would get my Mom and Dad into a lot of trouble. Please don't ask me to tell you what happened again.” I pleaded. “Listen I have been living in a hay loft and working during the day on the farm to survive and last night I got shot while stopping a couple of thugs who were trying steal a tractor. It has been pretty rough for me so please don't ask me to tell you what happened.” I was sobbing by that time and realized that I had just told her what had happened.

“You got shot?” then she suddenly realized that was why my leg hurt when she playfully swatted me. “Did you tell anybody? I mean like the Sheriff?”

“Come on outside where we can talk and I'll tell you about It.” and I turned and walked back out the door. I walked out to the edge of the school where no one could hear me and I told her what happened. I left out the part about Mom hitting me but I told her about having to live in the barn and not being able to go to school. I told her that I had decided to come back anyway and about finding out about the complaint about me being gay to get me thrown out of school and how I found out it was false and was set up by one of the teachers.

“You poor thing! I didn't know.” she said.

“I know and I don't want anyone else to know. So please don't tell.” I said. And the bell rang for the next class. As we were walking into the building, I was approached by the counselor who ordered me into his office.

“Dennis, I want you to know that I am sorry about the complaint thing and the false charges that were put into your file.” said Mr. Thompson.

“Thanks.” I replied.

“Let me tell you what the tests that you took the other day showed. The IQ test shows that you have a very high IQ that you are not using to your full potential. I think that with some tutoring we can get you back on track to do very well. The personality test showed some anomalies like a very feminine character. They don't tell what your sexual preferences are though. The Doctor that reviewed it would like to see you professionally to go over some of the results that he wouldn't reveal to me. I think you might want to do that. I am going to write his name down and I want you to have your parents call me as soon as possible.”

“I will tell them as soon as they get back in town.” I said.

“Where are they?” He asked.

“I don't know, but I talked to Mom last night and she said they would be back tomorrow.”

“Okay.” He said slowly. “Go on to your next class then.”

“Thanks.” I said and left considering what could be in the test results that a doctor would want to talk to me about. Was I nuts or something? I guess I was, I had to be to challenge those two thugs the other night. I wonder if I have a death wish or something. Now that was a scary thought, what if I did, would I continue to take chances until I finally got myself killed? I hoped not. I really wish I had someone to talk to about it. Being alone was the worst part of my life. I really didn’t have any friends that I could talk to about the feelings that I was experiencing making things even more difficult.

The rest of the day was a blur except for band and it was great we got a lot of work done. I have to admit that I wasn't exactly myself in English because I couldn't remember what was talked about. I don't even remember looking up at Ms. Givens like usual. I was deep in thought about how to approach Mom about this doctor that the counselor wanted me to see. At the end of the class, I stopped and asked Ms. Givens when I could restart the tutoring to get caught up.

“How about this afternoon since Chrissy will be there?” she said. “I am so sorry that I made you wear those clothes. I just knew that was why you didn't come back to school. I am so sorry.”

“Ms. Givens that wasn't why I couldn't come back. My Mom wouldn't let me, but I decided that I wanted to come back anyway without her permission and I just want you to know that I loved the clothes and the bath with the beautiful smells and having my hair done and all of it. I was in heaven that day, but as with everything else in my life the happiness just wasn't meant to last.” I said and looked into her eyes and saw sadness.

Band was great, Billy pulled out some new music that was kind of upbeat and fun. We started working on some cool jazzed up versions of Christmas carols. The whole band was having fun with it. The saxophone section was kind of being pushed hard since a lot of the music centered on us and the brasses. It was so cool and like all things fun it came to an end too soon.

I headed out to the bus on purpose. I didn't know if I was ready for another afternoon with Ms. Givens. I mean I loved it and learned a lot but it seemed as though things went terribly wrong after that day, what with my Mom getting so mad at me and hitting me with the pan. Then not letting me go to school. I couldn't take a lot more right now. My bullet wound hurt like hell and I needed to clean it up and change the bandage. I didn't have anything at home to use so I hadn't changed it. Then I thought I would walk up town and see if I could charge what I needed at the drug store until I got paid on Saturday.

I went to the first pharmacy that I came to and walked in. I looked around for the owner, a grouchy old man that never seemed to smile. “Mr. Paschal, I need to buy some bandages and some hydrogen peroxide but I don't get paid until Saturday. Would you mind if I charged them until I get paid?”

“You're Reba Allen's boy aren't you?” He asked.

“Yes sir I am.” I replied.

“Then I can't help you.” he responded and turned his back on me.

I had never had anyone treat me the way he had just done so it bothered me a lot. Why wouldn’t he help me just because of who my mother was. I was piling up a lot of questions and not a lot of answers. I went down to the next one and walked in. The clerk was a friend of Mom's so I approached her. “Hi, Mrs. Clark.”

“Well hello Dennis. What are you doing in town?” she asked.

“I need some bandages and some hydrogen peroxide, but I don't get paid until Saturday. Could I charge them until I get paid. Please?” I asked.

“I don't see why not both your mother and your Uncle have accounts here I'll just put it on your Mom's and you can come in and pay for it after you get paid.” She said. Then she got curious. “Uh, Dennis why do you need these things anyway?” Then she saw my head and said, “I see.”

I didn't respond and I didn't see why I should have to so I just got what I needed and left. I headed to Ms. Givens house since I had agreed to be there. I figured I would change the bandage when I got home that night, I hoped. As I was walking up to her house I passed Sally's house and started to go knock on the door, but that would put me late to Ms. Givens and I didn't want her mad at me. I had gotten about two houses down when I heard Sally call my name. I turned and saw Sally come running up.

“What-cha-doing?” She asked in that beautiful singsong soprano voice. “Are you going to Ms. Givens house to study?” and she winked at me.

I could feel my cheeks burning, why was it that she was the only one that could make me do that? I could smell her perfume and see the lite pink lipstick she had on and I felt like I was getting lite headed again. I don't know why she did this to me, but I liked it. “Uh, yeah.” I stammered.

“Why are you blushing? Do I make you do that? Or is it I have caught you going to live in sin on a beach in Tahiti?” She said. “So do you mind if I go with you?” and she took my arm since my hands were full with books and the sack from the drug store.

“I..I..Don’t mind at all.” I stammered. “I would love it if you would walk with me. Oh and we are not going to live in sin. We are going to make it legal.” I said grinning and we took off walking with her holding my arm and just chattering along.

“Isn't this just a beautiful fall day? I just love it when the weather is like this. Not hot and not cold, but just right and the birds are still around and they are singing in the trees.” and she smiled at me and it just about made my heart melt.

I suddenly didn't have a care in the world and she was right, the birds were singing in the trees. A beautiful melody to match the beautiful sun shining down on me and the beautiful girl at my side. Wow I never realized that fall was so beautiful or was it from being close to such a beautiful girl. I really didn't care, both were the truth and I was actually happy for a change. I tried to make small talk and to be honest I really didn't do that well at it.

“The day is gorgeous and I really think that you have a lot to do with it.” I said. “I don't believe that I have ever seen such a beautiful person as you are and I really appreciate you even talking to me. I mean all I have ever done is just admire you from afar and now I am walking down the street with you. I am the luckiest guy in school.”

I looked and she had the most beautiful green eyes I had ever seen. The only green eyes I had ever seen. Hell, they were the only ones I had ever seen because I had never been able to look a girl in the eye. I had always been so shy and introverted that I wasn't even able to stand close to a girl. Now here I was walking with one and she was holding my arm, how did the song go? 'Heaven.....I'm in Heaven, yeah that was me. I was in heaven. I would sneak a look at her as we walked and she was still talking. I noticed that her nose was little and petite and turned up at the end a little. She had long natural eyelashes and her brownish blond hair was a little curly even though she tried to keep it straight. When she talked, she punctuated her speech with hand movements. I was in heaven.

We walked up to Ms. Givens house and Sally knocked on the door. Ms. Givens came to the door and when she opened it and saw the two of us standing there she said. “I was wondering where you had gotten off to. Now I see why you are late. Sally you know he has work to do this afternoon.”

“I didn't do anything. I found him wandering the streets lost and in need of direction so I took charge of him and brought him over here.” said Sally.

Smiling like an idiot I didn't even get a chance to defend myself and I wasn't sure I wanted to. I knew it only took a few minutes to walk the two blocks here from Sally's house but it seemed like I had been in some kind of time warp where time stood still. I didn't want it to end either.

“So do you have an excuse for being late?” inquired Ms. Givens.

I was still looking at Sally and didn't hear what Ms. Givens said. Sally elbowed me and I turned and looked at Ms. Givens sheepishly. She just grinned and pulled the two of us into the house. When she did, she accidentally bumped my leg and the pain shot up and down my leg and I couldn't hide it. Sally gasped and held onto me. Ms. Givens was surprised and grabbed me to keep me from going down. I got my composure and even though tears were running down my cheek, I told her. “I'm fine. I just had a little leg pain. That's all.”

“Dennis is there something you're not telling me?” demanded Ms. Givens.

“You might as well tell her, Dennis.” pleaded Sally. “You know she won't give away any of your secrets.” I wondered if that was true since she had told Sally about me.

“What is it you need to tell me? Come on, you know I'm not going to let it go.” exclaimed Ms. Givens.

I knew when I was caught so I told her. “Last night I got shot in the leg when I surprised two thugs trying to steal a tractor. Now it hurts pretty bad. I had to go to the drug store to get some bandages. That's why I'm late. I'm sorry I guess I should have told you.” I said.

“Have you been seen by a doctor? Have you notified the police?” She asked.

“Yes and yes. I saw Doc that night and the Sheriff is looking for them now. I just haven't had anything to change the bandages with until now. I'm alright. I promise.” I said.

“Alright if you say so, but I want to see the wound. So come on into the bathroom and show me. Sally you take his books and put them on the table and make sure you don't put them on Defiance.” ordered Ms. Givens.

“Awww. I wanted to see it too.” whined Sally.

“I know what you wanted to see and no you aren't, so put his books on the table. Come on Dennis. I have a surprise for you anyway.” said Ms. Givens.

“Is this necessary? I mean I have it bandaged and it might be messy and I haven't been able to take a bath since it happened so I am a little dirty.” I said trying to get out of having to show her but I could tell she was determined so I had to do it.

She took me into the bathroom and had me to lower my pants. The old bandage was a little ripe and had fresh blood on it. I guess that was from the bump. She took a pair of scissors and cut the old one off and it really smelled then. She took the bottle of peroxide and poured a little on the wound and took some of the cotton bandage material and cleaned the exit wound. It hurt like hell but it had to be done.

“Thanks for helping me with it. I really needed to do that bad.” I said.

“You are welcome. So do you know who shot you?” She asked as I pulled my pants back up.

“No, I've never seen them before and I really don't want to see them again. If you know what I mean.” I said. I was still concerned about the shakes that I had today, it was really scary to me. I wished I could bring myself to trust her enough to tell her about the shakes and my concerns over wanting to die. I just couldn’t though, I guess I had built a thick enough wall around me that wouldn’t allow me to trust anyone.

Julie put her hands on my shoulders and looked at me with those beautiful eyes of hers. “Dennis when you get ready to talk to me about it I will be here. I am guessing that you are not really wanting to say anything about it right now so I will let it go.”

“Thank you, it really wasn’t all that much. I didn’t even know I had been shot until it was all over.”

She pulled me to her and held me close. I reached up and put my arms around her waist and she held me close like that for what seemed like an eternity to me. I felt cared for in that time and didn’t want it to end. I had my head on her chest and could smell her perfume, she had wrapped her arms around my head and I could feel her warm touch on my face giving me a feeling of peace and love that I had not felt in a long time. Then she let go and took my hand and led me back to the kitchen to begin work.

I saw Chrissy sitting at the table with her books open but she was playing with Defiance instead of working. She was so pretty, but in my opinion, she couldn't hold a candle to Sally. Chrissy seemed to be having to work at being pretty and Sally came by it naturally. She did look good in the plain dress she was wearing and the matching sweater. I couldn't help but notice that it was a little shorter than I had seen her wearing before. “Hi, Chrissy. I like the dress you are wearing it seems to be a big departure from what I am used to seeing you in.”

“Thanks, Mom is coming around slowly. But she is coming.” She said. “Oh and by the way, Ms. G., Mom wants to know if you will call her when it is time to leave and she wants us to go out for supper. So what happened to you Dennis? ”

“I had a little accident and had to stay home, are you ready to work?” I was scared to think that she would ask me to go with them. That meant I would have to dress up again and I really wasn't in the mood for that. Not today any way.

“That would be wonderful. Now let's get busy.” Said Ms. Givens. “Sally you can stay and study or go home, but I would prefer you stay.”

“I’ll stay since I need help also.” And she gave me a little wink and a smile and sat down next to me. Chrissy was grinning from ear to ear at us. She knew what was going on and so did Ms. Givens. She made Sally sit by Chrissy on one side of the table and I had to sit on the other side of her.

“There now you will actually get some work done.” Said Ms. Givens.

Chrissy decided to have some fun with Sally and she reached over and took my hand and said. “Besides I don’t get to see the love of my life as much as I want.”

I pulled my hand back and looked at her like she was nuts or something. Sally frowned at me and crossed her arms and gave me a really harsh look. “So, I see how it is.” She said.

“Sally, I don’t know what is going on. You have to believe me.” I said.

Chrissy gave me an evil smile and continued. “Oh, Dennis don’t you remember confessing to me the other day?”

“Confessing what?”

“You know.” Chrissy said.

“What did you confess to her?” Sally demanded.

“I didn’t confess anything to anybody.” I stammered.

Chrissy started laughing and just about fell over to the floor. Sally realized what was going on and jumped on her. “You little stinker.” She started tickling her and the two of them fell in the floor. Ms. Givens came in and stood in front of them with her hands on her hips and a frown on her face. Both girls jumped up and got back in their seats.

I sat down, but not where I originally intended to, I sat at the other end of the table and got busy. That was when I saw Defiance in his bed. Ms. Givens had taken a shoebox and made a home for him and placed a washcloth in it for him to sleep on. She had a small bowel for his water and a small dish for his food. I smiled when I thought of how he had scared her so badly and now she seemed happy to have him here. “I see Defiance is still here and doing very well for himself.”

“Oh, yes and the little booger is quite the companion. At night when I go to bed, he climbs in with me and sleeps on the pillow next to me. I can't believe I have a mouse for a pet, but he is so sweet I can't put him outside.” said Ms. Givens. “I can't get over the fact that he is so well behaved. It is almost like he has been trained to act this way. I can get him to do somersaults and roll over and I didn't have to train him to do it. He's amazing.”

“I wonder if he was meant to be here and to watch over you?” I mused.

“Could be, who knows.” said Ms. Givens. “Well let's get to work on the math, Dennis do you remember how to do the quadratic equations?”

I told her I remembered and did a few to show her. Then we moved on to other things and we managed to use up all of the rest of the time on math. But it really helped us and I was doing much better. At the end of the hour Ms. Givens gave us an assignment, “I want you to write a poem for the next session. I think that you need to work on your English a lot more. So write me a poem and I want it to be serious not something, like some of the boys in my senior class would write. Okay?”

“Does it have to be about anything in particular?” asked Chrissy.

“No, just write a poem.” answered Ms. Givens. About that, time there was a knock at the door and Ms. Givens answered it and I heard the unmistakable sound of my cousin Will asking if I was here.

“Yes, we are just finishing up would you like to come in?” She said.

“No, If you would tell him that Will is here to pick him up I would appreciate it very much.” he said.

“Okay, I'll send him right out. Dennis, I believe your cousin has come to get you. So get your books and I'll see you in the morning.” She said and gave me a hug on the way out and she surprised me with a kiss on the cheek.

“Thanks. Bye everybody.” And I looked at Sally, she smiled and waved at me and my heart melted again. Then she jumped up and ran over and gave me a big hug and a kiss. I almost fainted. She just tears me up no matter what. Gosh, I don't think I will ever get used to her hugs and kisses. Or I hope I don't anyway.

I got in the truck, “Hi Will, what's going on I could have walked home without any trouble, but I appreciate you picking me up.”

“Dad wanted me to pick you up and bring you home. I guess he's worried that you might accidentally run into those guys again. So how long do you have to come here and get tutored?” He inquired.

“I hope I get caught up soon and don't have to come here anymore. That was the deal, I have to get caught up and back in the learning groove. I enjoy it but I think I need to find a job in the afternoon so I can support myself. So what did y'all do this afternoon?” I asked.

“We cleaned up the pickers and got the last of the trailers back. George is still cutting cotton stalks and as soon as he gets through, we are going to be through for the year. I thought about going squirrel hunting this Saturday if we get through in time. How about going with us? It'll be fun. I think we have quite a few squirrels in the wood lot this year.” He stated.

“That would be great. What time are you going?” I asked.

“Oh about six. I want to get there before daylight so we can be set up and waiting for them.” He said.

“Okay, I'll meet you in back of the house and go with you.” I said.

Chapter 9

Mom and Ralph came in that night late and were beat. I was asleep in the bed and Smokey was next to me. He woke up and met them at the door. When Mom tried to put him out he came back to my bedroom and jumped up on the bed on the other side of me. Mom just looked at him and muttered, “I give up. You can stay.” and she went to bed.

The next morning I got up and found them asleep, I left them alone and got ready for school. Smokey didn't want to leave the bed but I had to make it up so the fight was on. I got him by the collar and started pulling. He retaliated by nipping me on the arm. I grabbed him around the middle and tried to lift him and he wiggled around and managed to slip out of my hold then he jumped on me and pushed me back away from the bed and in the process, he fell off the bed and knocked me to the floor. I quickly got up and rushed to the bed to block him. He countered by jumping on the end of the bed and going around me. I jumped on the bed trying to tackle him but he dodged me and got on top of me and pinned me. How mortifying to be pinned in a wrestling match by your own dog. That was when Mom came in and cleared her throat.

I turned slowly and saw her standing in the door with her pj's on with a very confused look on her face. Then she just turned and walked back down the hall to her bedroom. I looked at Smokey and said, “See what you have done. Now we are in trouble all because I needed to make up the bed. Okay get off. Get off I said.” needless to say he just laid there on top of me like yeah right. I finally got out from under him and did my best at making up the bed around him. Then I left for school.

On the way out of the house I saw Uncle Will, “Hey, Uncle Will, Mom and Ralph are back, but Mom isn't acting the way she was. I was trying to make up the bed this morning and well Smokey and I kind of had a wrestling match and Mom came and saw us but she didn't say anything at all to us. It was weird.”

“Well don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Maybe she is going to do better from now on. I saw the sign was torn down. I think that is a positive thing. Anyway have you seen those two thugs that shot you since the other night?” he said.

“No sir. I haven't and I have been careful about looking for them. I guess that they are long gone by now. Or I hope they are.” I said.

“Well get on to school.”

The attempted robbery had made him see that he needed to put up a gate and lock it to keep riff raff like that out. In the back of his truck he had two big railroad ties and the post hole diggers with some concrete mix. I figured that he was going to put up the post today. And probably build the gate tomorrow. I guessed that it was way overdue but better late than never.

The day was great. Sally met me at the bus and took my hand and led me over to where Annie and some of the other girls were standing talking. Sally looked great again. She had on a pink and blue plaid skirt with a white blouse and a pair of black and white saddle oxfords and she had a gray sweater on. She had some kind of perfume on that made me seem to be floating. The group that she was with was the school's most beautiful and smartest. I felt a little out of place but Sally whispered in my ear to relax they wouldn't bite.

Carey the Junior High cheerleader captain took the lead and walked up to me and said, “ we have heard that you and Sally had become great friends and we would like it if you would be ours too. Please.”

“You bet. I mean I would love to have you all as friends.” I stammered. I seem to be doing that a lot lately. I really need to work on the confidence issues I have.

“Did you really get shot the other night stopping a robbery?” Amy, another of the girls asked.

I looked at Sally and she said. “I didn't say anything, her boyfriend told her about it. And he heard it from someone else.”

“Yes I got shot in the leg. It's not that bad. But it still stings a little. So how did your boyfriend hear about it?” I asked.

“He heard the guy that did it talking about it at a small country store in the next county. He said his name was Don or Dan or something like that. I don't remember, sorry.” she said.

“That's alright. I have a hard time with names too. It seems as though it is my biggest failing. By the way, I love what you have done with your hair. You have beautiful auburn hair and it really looks great cut that way.” I said and immediately regretted it because it sounded so gay.

“Thanks, I have been having trouble getting some of the others around here to see it that way. They just don't have as good a sense of style as you do. So do you roll your hair because I could have sworn that I noticed some curls and body in it the other day and it looked great.” Said Amy.

“Oh, Lord you have just opened Pandora's box Dennis. She got her haircut the other day and that is all we have heard about from her. It’s so easy to clean and so easy to fix now. Gosh, you would like think that is all she does is take care of her hair. Amy I can't wait until you let it grow out again.” Said Carey.

“Well it is pretty and I can't help but notice that all of you seem to have adopted the best style for each one of you. I wish I could find a style that would accentuate my looks like yours do you. Sally here has very fine hair and being longish it is absolutely gorgeous especially when the light shines through it.” I said.

“I think that he is taken with you Sally. Just listen to how he talks about you. And when he looks at you, his eyes light up, they are already the most beautiful in the school and now they really shine. And look at those eyelashes they are to die for. I have never seen anyone with natural eyelashes that long. You really are lucky you know. I wonder what they would look like with a little mascara on them?” said Carey.

“Oh I'll bet they would be absolutely beautiful.” said Amy. “Have you ever had any mascara on them? I'll bet you have, haven't you?”

About that, time two of the star junior high football players came up to us. One of them was one of my main tormentors. “Hey what are you hot chicks doing hanging out with the little fag here? Why don't you come on over here and hang with some real men. Not a little boy.”

Carey was the first to speak. “I don't see any real men over there only little insecure boys that are pretending to be men. Tell me are you still measuring your penises with a 'SHORT' ruler.” and with that all of the girls started giggling.

“At least we have dicks not like him. He only has a nub and probably has bigger boobs than you do.” Said the jerk.

“Well, the good thing is you won't ever know about either one of us.” Said Carey.

“Yeah, so go on back over there and pat each other on the butt and leave us alone.” Sally exclaimed. Then she turned to Amy and said, “You know I have always wanted to know if the quarterback practices playing with the centers balls between games so they look good on the field.”

Amy giggled along with the other girls and suddenly the Jerk grabbed at me in frustration because he couldn’t do anything to the girls. I dodged his attempt to grab my shirt and dropped my books and moved into a defensive posture. He started to attack, but his buddy stopped him. Then he said, “I'll get you. You cost us our three best players you little fag.”

“No they did it themselves when they lied to get a better grade and the rest of you had better understand that you are being watched now.” I said.

The two jerks moved away at that and went back to their group. I walked over and picked up my books, I hung my head and said, “I am so sorry that you had to see and hear that. Listen I appreciate your attention, but for your sakes I think that I had better not hang around you. I'm sorry. I really am.”

Amy looked at me and said, “I can handle those two jerks and when my boyfriend hears that they were trying to put the move on me the only thing they will be able to do is drink soup with a straw and I think you were great. You didn't back down from them and you had better not back away from me. Period.”

“That goes for the rest of us also. So you are stuck with us.” said Carey. “Hey we need another cheerleader for the basketball season coming up. How about it?”

I was shocked, they actually did want to be friends with me. “I'll think about it seriously. I really don't know how to do all of the cheers but I would love to learn.” I said.

Amy was looking at me funny and I finally asked, “Amy is there anything wrong?”

“Weelllll...I uh just uh, Oh what the heck. Do you really have big boobs like mine.” She asked.

“I am a 32-25-31 is that what you wanted to know.” I said.

“I love it we are about the same size. I can't wait to get you where I can play dress up with you and we have got to do something about your clothes you are a mess. Oh darn that's the bell. Well come on or we'll be late for class.” exclaimed Amy.

The rest of the day was a breeze. I seemed to have acquired a new set of 'friends'. People who wouldn't have even given me the time of day before now spoke to me like I was an old friend. I didn't know whether to be insulted or elated. Anyway, I wasn't as Uncle Will said, going to look a gift horse in the mouth. I was rather interested in what Amy had said about playing “dress up”, that was something that I wasn't ready for at all. Heck, I wasn't ready for any of this. I had gone from a plain farm boy to a social butterfly overnight literally and learning all of the in's and out's and little nuances was going to be difficult for me. I just hope I didn't blow it.

I heard that all of the Junior High Football players were interviewed one at a time by the principal and the Coach to see if there was anyone else that had been compromised. They all had to sit in the gym while the principal and the coach gave them a lecture on honesty and integrity and how it was everything in football. I understand that the two jerks had to stand up in front of the entire team and apologize for their actions that morning. I was beginning to wonder who the secret angel was that was looking out for me.

During lunch I sat down outside in the sun to write my poem. Writing had always been a difficult thing for me. I tried and failed several times so I guessed this wasn't going to be any different.
Let's see how do you write a poem? Do you make a lot of vague references to something that, it would be a lot easier to just say what you wanted to say or do you become wordy and nerdy in saying something obvious. What should the subject be, damn, I was totally lost in this. I didn't have a clue about what to write about nor how to do it. I tried several times and none worked. Finally, Sally came out and sat down in front of me. I couldn't get over how smooth her skin was and how her hair shined in the sunlight. “Hi, Sally.”

“So are you sitting out here hiding from me?” she asked.

“No, I have to write a poem for Ms. Givens, you knew that and I was just sitting out here trying to get an inspiration. You know writing isn't my forte in life at all. I would rather be doing something.” I said.

“You have to do it so just do it.” she said.

“Yeah, I guess so. Hey, let me change the subject for a minute. I've noticed that people are speaking to me that had never even given me the time of day before. What's up with that?” I asked and for the first time I wasn't stammering or stuttering.

“I hear that it's all over school that you backed one of the biggest jerks in school down this morning. People are starting to take notice of you and the fact that you are not going to take being peed on anymore.” She declared.

“You mean that jerk this morning?”

“Yep, that's him.” she replied.

“I didn't do anything. You all made him go away, all I did was wait on him to make a move.”

“You didn't back down and that caught somebodies attention. I don't think you understand that underneath that shy retiring exterior is a tiger that is ready to be released. I want to meet that tiger in you.” and then she got up held out her hand in invitation to go with her. I took it and we walked hand in hand into the building.

In English, I found out why Ms. Givens had assigned a poem to be written. We were going to have to do one in regular class. We studied the different types of rhythms and meters involved with the poems and had to figure out which was which. I absolutely sucked at it. I had a lot of difficulty figuring out the rhythms and the names of them and I'll just tell you Ms. Givens wasn't making things easier for the guys. She was dressed to the nines in a silk lavender dress that really showed off her curves. I wondered where she was getting all of those beautiful outfits.

Finally, she decided to have us all write a poem for the class the next day and she wanted it to be at least two stanza's long. It couldn't be one word per line, she wanted us to show some initiative. It had to be clean and readable in class. Argh, I was having enough trouble with the one she had assigned why was I being tortured by having to do two. Well such was my luck and I was going to have to live with it.

That evening I was using the Cub to disc up the garden. We had planted turnip greens next to the garden and they needed to be pulled so they wouldn't go bad. I had already pulled all of the green tomatoes to be made into my favorite fried green tomatoes. Ralph wasn't home yet and Mom was gone even though I knew she hadn't gone into work. Smokey was running around chasing a rabbit that I had scared up with the disc. I happened to be turned toward the road when I saw and heard a Fairlaine with a six cylinder and a straight pipe ease by. I jumped off the tractor and ran inside and got the shotgun out again only this time I loaded it with double ought buck shot and stuffed about five more shells in my pocket. I started to go out and face them again, but this time I stopped and called Uncle Will and told him they were back.

This time they pulled around behind the house and got out and looked around. It was then that I figured out why they came here instead of somewhere else. It was fairly secluded with little traffic on our road and you could see all the way to the highway from the back yard. And the one thing that made this such an attractive target was that there wasn't a car in the drive so it looked like no one was home.

Smokey was in the house with me thank goodness or he would be out there where they could easily kill him. He was still barking his head off though and it had them spooked enough that I had time to lock the back door and then go and lock the front door. The only thing about this house was that it was built in a time when everyone left their doors unlocked and nobody stole from one another and both the front and the back door had these big picture windows in them so you could see who was coming up to the door. I locked it and got back in the hall and waited for one of them to break the glass and come on in. This time I didn't make a big John Wayne move by noisily racking a shell into the chamber instead I quietly slid the pump back and then forward putting a shell in the chamber.

I could hear them talking outside. “Say hey man, let's get on with this, she gets off at five thirty and he wants all of his guns and tools brought to him on the interstate by eight.”

“Alright but something don't add up, why is the dog in the house instead of out here running around? And where are those two kids. I have a bad feeling about this.”

About that time, Earl came walking down the turn row carrying a sack and saw them there. “Hey what's y'all doing here, ain’t nobody home so you better git!”

“Beat it you crazy old nigger or I'll put so many holes in you, people will think you're a screen door.” hollered the big one.

I came out onto the back porch then with the shot gun to prevent them from hurting Earl. They didn’t see me because they were preoccupied with Earl.

Earl wasn't afraid of him though. “I said git and I meant git. I see you got a gun, it had better be a big one cause you going to need it and he started to walk up into the yard, something he wasn’t allowed to do. He walked with a big stick and he wasn't afraid to use it on anything that tried to get in his way. I heard Uncle Will's truck on the road and he wasn't letting any grass grow under his tires.

“Hey wait someone is coming up from the other way hard.” said the big guy. “Shit it's that dude that owns the farm let's go,” and they jumped in the car and started it up. I came out the door with the shotgun and as the rear of the car presented itself, I popped the back of the car. I didn't realize that buckshot would do that much damage but I managed to blow out the back glass and tear a hole in the trunk deck. It didn’t stop them and they only poured the coal to it and hauled ass out of there.

Uncle Will came up and saw them making an escape down the turn road and took off after them but they got away. When he came back, I was sitting on the back steps with Smokey and I had the shotgun leaning against the house next to me. Earl was right there with me and strangely enough, Smokey wasn't barking at him like he usually did.

“Are you all right? They didn't get another shot at you did they?” He asked as he came up to me.

“I'm fine I was hiding in the house with Smokey and they didn't see me. The big one thought something was wrong and hesitated to come in. I did hear them say that they were doing this for someone. Someone who wants his guns and tools and would meet them on the interstate at eight tonight.” I said. “I marked the car real well this time so it shouldn't be hard to find. Earl here came up and added to their need to leave in a hurry. He wasn't going to let them do anything.” I said.

“I appreciate it Earl.” said Uncle Will, who was kind of amazed that Earl even got involved. “Well, let me use the phone to call the Sheriff.” he said and started in the house. “By the way where is your Mother? I thought she was going to be here today?”

“She and Ralph came in late this morning. I don't know where she is right now.” I said and got up and unloaded the shotgun and took it and put it back in the case. I stood there thinking that if it was the guns that they were after and apparently, they knew exactly where they were. I probably needed to move them to a more secure spot. Like up in the attic. Well I would work on that tonight.

The Sheriff didn't come out that time especially since it was the same two guys and he knew what to look for. I hoped that he would catch them and put them in jail. Then it hit me the one that they were going to meet was my Dad. He ran up and down the interstate in his big rig, but why would he want his guns and tools stolen and then brought to him? Something didn't smell right about this.

Uncle Will came out of the house and looked at Earl, “Earl what are you doing with that sack anyway?”

“I's going down to the store to get the deposit on these here pop bottles. I figure I got about twenty or so here. That ought to be enough to get me some bread and baloney.” said Earl.

“Earl when was the last time you had anything to eat?” inquired Uncle Will.

“Well, Mr. Will, I had me a rabbit yesterday and today.... well I don't think I had anything today.” said Earl and he grinned a big grin.

“Earl, give me those bottles.” and Earl handed them over and he was looking a little scared, but Uncle Will counted them out and found that he had twenty-two bottles in there. Then he did something I never will forget. He pulled out his billfold and gave Earl two dollars for them. They were only worth a dollar and ten cents, and Uncle Will overpaid him. “Earl, I know you have trouble staying with a job but that ain’t no reason for you to go hungry. The next time you come see me when you get in this shape. You understand?”

“Ya sir, Mr. Will, I sure will. I didn't mean to cause you no trouble.” said Earl.

“You haven't so go on over to the store and get something to eat and I thank you for watching out for Dennis here.” stated Uncle Will.

“You're welcome, Dennis here, comes by and talks to me and he seems to want to hear what I have to say so I'll always do what I can for him.” he said and took off walking to the store and as he walked off he turned, smiled and waved at me.

“I don't think the Sheriff will come out tonight so I want you to keep that shotgun loaded and ready and if they come back call me first. Oh and don't say anything to your mother about shooting at them. I want to talk to her before you do. So don't say anything about what you heard. Now get back inside and take care of Smokey, is he sick? He didn't bark at Earl like usually does.” he said.

“I think that Smokey knows that Earl was trying to help. That's why he didn't bark like he usually does. As far how he feels I think that he feels fine. I know that he is sleeping like a rock because he keeps sliding me off the bed.” and I looked down at him and he seemed to be smiling. “Yeah just keep grinning tonight I'm going to throw you off the bed.” and he shook his head.

“I don't think that he agrees with that.” said Uncle Will as he turned and got in his truck to leave.

Later that night after Mom and Ralph came back the phone rang and she answered it and then she came and told the two of us to go outside. We could still hear part of the conversation and it didn't seem to be pleasant. Apparently, Uncle Will was wanting to know what was going on with her and Dad. Mom wasn't wanting to tell him and tried to avoid telling him, but he persisted. Finally, she relented and we could hear that she was going to ask for a divorce and she was worried about surviving on what she made. Ralph and I looked at each other in shock.

“You know we went to Texas to a little town in the panhandle to look at a new house.” Ralph said. “But Mom left one day to talk to the house owner and when she came back she told me to pack my bags we were leaving. Then we went to the bus stop and caught a bus back. I didn't know what to think. Dad really liked that town”

Then Mom told Uncle Will that Dad had gotten in with some bad people and needed the farm to sell to pay off a debt. When the farm wasn't divided up, he knew he was in trouble and started hiding out but she had caught him hiding out with another woman. They talked a little more and then she hung up the phone and called for us.

“Listen, y'all had better hear this from me. Your Daddy and I are split up, and I don't want him around here anymore. Dennis I understand that you had a run in with a couple of guys this afternoon and that they were here to steal his guns and his tools. Is that right?”

“Yes mam, they came up and Earl and Uncle Will ran them off.” I replied.

“Let's keep the house locked from now on and I guess that someone needs to be here as much as we can. Dennis are you back in school and are you doing the extra work in the afternoons?” she asked.

“Yes mam. I have to go twice a week. It's part of the deal.” I said not wanting to say a lot about it.

“What deal?” she asked.

“I got into a fight and to stay in school I have to get my grades up.” I said.

“What did you get into a fight over?” she persisted.

“I found out that a teacher, Mrs. Johnson, got three of the football players to say that I was gay to get me kicked out of school.”

“Cindy Johnson did that? I always knew she was a mean hardhearted woman. I didn't know she would carry a grudge as long as this. I'll take care of this.” she said.

“Ralph I need you to come on home on the days that Dennis is having to work extra. Did you know about Johnson?” Mom Asked.

“I had heard that someone had made a wild complaint, but that the principal had ignored it because he didn't believe it.” answered Ralph.

“Well the two of you go to bed and don't worry we are going to make it.” She said but she didn't sound very convincing.

I gathered up all of the guns and put them up in the attic and covered them with insulation. I left the twelve gauge and the .410 out but hid them underneath one of the beds in the box mattress. I would have to put the tools up on the weekend. This has turned out to be a shitty day. I guess the worst part was hearing that my brother had heard about the complaints and never told me about them. At least I had an idea of why Mom was acting the way she was. I guessed that breaking up a marriage was a difficult thing and she wasn’t handling it well.

Chapter 10

School was the same as always and I wasn't really focused on it. That afternoon after the last bell rang I walked out and waited in the parking lot for Ms. Givens. I really didn't want to do this especially after all that happened yesterday. Then it hit me, a lot has been happening to me since Granddaddy died. Now we were dirt poor and Dad wasn't coming back nor was he going to help, not that he had ever really helped us. I thought that I really needed to get a part time job to help out. I was going to talk to Ralph to see what he thought about it.

I was so lost in thought that I didn't hear Ms. Givens come walking up to me. “Hey, honey, what are you so deep in thought about? This is the first time that you haven’t watched my every move since I have met you.”

She gave me such a start that I almost jumped out of my skin. “Don't sneak up on me like that! I was thinking about finding an after school job.” I said.

“Is there something that you need to tell me?” she asked and handed me the box she was carrying. Then she reached up and moved the hair out of my eyes. “Come on get in and let's get going so we can get through earlier. Chrissy is supposed to meet us there soon.”

I caught myself looking at her as she got in the car and once again her skirt rode up and this time she didn't pull it down. Today she was wearing panty hose and I liked them very much. I still admired her so much and still melted when she called me “honey”. I was beginning to really enjoy doing schoolwork at her house.

“Ms. Givens do you think that I am doomed?” I asked.

She suddenly stopped the car and looked at me with a pained expression. “Sweetheart why would you ask a question like that?”

“It just seems as though since my Granddaddy died I have had one negative thing after another to happen to me. I feel as though God hates me and I don't know why. I have been beaten, shot and lied about in the last few months. I just wish I had the strength to live through this.” I said.

She reached over to me and brushed my hair and while she didn't say anything, I could see she was thinking hard about it. “Honey, are you thinking about taking your life?”

“I really haven't thought about it, but I do ask God to take my life so I won't have to suffer so much.” I said and turned and looked out the window so she wouldn't see me tearing up. The only time in the last few months that I felt happy was when I was at your house the first time.”

“Was it the clothes, or was it the acceptance that you got while wearing them, or was it something else?” She asked.

A knock on the window interrupted our conversation and she rolled the window down to greet Mr. Alverez. “Is everything alright here?” He asked her, but was looking at me. I knew he could tell that I was crying.

“Yes, we were just having a serious little talk about his progress. I think he is concerned that no matter how hard he tries, it is never enough. However I know that he is doing so much better now than before.” explained Ms. Givens.

“Yes, well, I was just concerned. Dennis I know that you are doing better, all of your teachers have noticed it too. So don't worry you're going to be fine. Oh and I happen to like the name Diane.” and he turned and walked away.

Both of us stared at him open mouthed and then we both broke out into howls of laughter. Ms. Givens stopped laughing long enough to drive off and as she did, she saw Sally and Annie with the other girls walking down the street. “Should we give them a ride?” she asked me.

“That's up to you. I mean it's your car.” I said hoping she would stop and offer them a ride. Sally hadn't been around much that day and I was beginning to miss her and the others.

She stopped beside them and I rolled down my window. The girls all ran up the car talking all at once. “Hi, girls. Dennis demanded that I stop and ask you if you wanted a ride.” I blushed and shot her a 'Oh No You Didn't' look.

“Sure.” They all said and opened the door and Sally made me scoot to the middle again and she sat in my lap. The rest all piled in the back and front. Carey was sitting next to me and Amy got in right behind me. They were all talking and giggling about one of the guys putting the move on Annie. Sally had her arms around my neck and I was holding onto her waist when she suddenly leaned in and kissed me again. Ms. Givens smacked her on the bottom.

“That hurt, besides I haven't had a chance to kiss him all day.” she whined.

“Yeah, where have you been? I didn't see you any except in English and a little in History. Then you all ran out together. I thought you didn't want to talk to me.” I said.

Carey spoke up. “We have been very busy the last two days and part of it involves you, but a lot of it is Annie and her new suitor.”

“Don't you say a thing Carey Wheeler!” said Annie.

“So I gather you have a new boyfriend. Who is it?” I asked.

“It's Gil from the band. He asked her out this weekend to go horseback riding.” injected Carey before Annie could say anything.

Gil was kind of a nerd, but he, I guess, was very handsome. I also know that he had a genius IQ that was scary. I figured that he would go places in life that the rest of us could only hope to. His parents owned a business in Charlestown and had a small ranch outside of town. He was an only child so he pretty much got all of their attention. They wanted him to go to Harvard and be a lawyer. He told me that he wanted to go to the Air Force Academy and be a band director. Not just a band director but the Air Force Band director. He talked a lot to me in band by the way.

Annie leaned up and asked, “So tell me, what's he like? Is he weird or anything like that.”

“Well, he seems real nice to me. We talk in band all the time and he tells me a lot of things about himself. I know that he has been wanting to ask this girl out for a while but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. He never told me who it was, but I guess I know now. I can say now, that he has impeccable taste in the ladies.” I said and the girls all giggled and commented on my smooth talk. “So what are you doing that concerns me?”

Carey reached up under my hand that was on Sally's waist and held it. “We'll tell you when the time is right. Cutie.” and she winked at me and didn't let go of my hand. I didn't think anything about it but she moved it down to Sally's lap and held on.

“So where are you conspirators going?” asked Ms. Givens. They answered that they were going to Annie’s house to work on cheers. She took them to Annie’s house and let them out. They all said good-bye to us both and walked inside. I watched them go and was amazed at how graceful they all were when they walked.

I carried the box into Ms. Givens house and put it down on the same chair that it always was in. Then I went to the kitchen table and took my place and started to work. Ms. Givens went and took her heels off and put the pair of slippers that she had loaned me on. She got us a Coke and had an extra glass for Chrissy. I was working on math when Chrissy arrived and her mother came in with her. Chrissy came in and sat down in her place and opened her books.

“Are you going with us tonight to the new restaurant in Charlestown?” She asked me. “I would love it if you would. Please.”

“I didn't know anything about it. Sorry.” I said.

“Well, does that mean that you aren't going?”

“No, it means I hadn't planned on it and I really don't think I am dressed for it.” I replied, but deep down I really wanted to go, mainly because I hadn't had anything to eat all day. I would be nice to see different places and things though, I thought.

“You could borrow a pair of jeans from Ms. Givens and a blouse. I'm sure she wouldn't mind. Please.” She begged.

“Okay, I'll ask her if I can borrow them if you will let me get my work done.” and I couldn't help but smile at her. “So do you have a boyfriend yet?”

She leaned in close and looked around to make sure her mother couldn't hear. “Yes and he's so dreamy. I met him at the football game last week. He played for the other team and I talked to him as they were leaving and he has called twice since. His name is Jeremy, I think he is going to come to the house on Saturday to meet my parents. You couldn't be there with me when he comes could you?”

“No, I'm going squirrel hunting with my cousins and my brother on Saturday morning. Sorry, besides I don't think my Mom would let me. Although I would love to.” I said.

“Oh, well I think I can handle it.” she sighed and went back to work.

Ms. Givens and Mrs. Killibrew came into the kitchen and sat down. “So what have you girls been talking about while we were talking business?” said Mrs. Killibrew.

“Oh, nothing. Just girl talk.” said Chrissy and she winked at me.

Suddenly Mrs. Killibrew turned to me. “Diane? I will call you that because you want to be called that. I know that you were born a male but lately you have been changing to a female. You see my husband is an attorney with Mr. Rosenthal and he found out that you inherited that farm with your Uncle and his sons. It seems as though your given name is Dennis. Can you explain why you are doing this?”

I was suddenly so scared. I just knew that she was going to pull Chrissy out of the tutoring sessions and tell everybody all about me. I was ruined. Well the truth hurts, even though it seemed as though everything has hurt so far. “Mrs. Killibrew I have always felt different and have always liked soft things. The other day was not planned. We really did have an accident and I had to take a bath and Ms. Givens gave me those clothes to wear until mine were clean and dry. Ms. Givens just didn't want you to think that I was a pervert or anything by calling me Dennis. I'm so sorry. I will leave now and do this some other time.” I said and big tears were starting to form in my eyes again.

“I am truly apologetic if I have offended you Mrs. Killibrew. Dennis looked and acted so much like a lady that I didn't even think about it.” said Ms. Givens.

I started gathering up my books to leave when Mrs. Killibrew put her arm around me and stopped me. “No. Sugar you are staying. Chrissy talks about you all the time and it’s all good. She says that you are so nice and well behaved all the time. I just couldn't believe that you were a boy. I want you to stay because you have been a positive influence on her in ways that are immeasurable. I would like for you to do me one favor tonight, though.”

Through the tears, I saw Defiance standing up on his hind legs on my books and it looked like he had winked at me. “What would you like for me to do?” I asked.

“Get dressed and go with us tonight. I believe that you would fit into some of Julie's clothes and it would be so nice if you would. Please.” she asked.

I was floored. Now another adult knew and she wanted me to dress that way. What to do? I was really trying to avoid doing it since I was so confused about it and now people were wanting me to be a female around them. Well I did feel so much better dressed like that, than I did like this. A part of me was screaming “Do it” and another part was screaming “Fag.” I wasn't gay and I knew it, but this was so out of the norm that I was having a lot of trouble dealing with it. Then I blurted out. “Okay. I'll do it for you.”

She hugged me tight and said. “Thank you God.” Then she let go and I saw that she was crying also, but smiling too. “Alright I am going to have to leave for a little while. I have a meeting with the principal of her school to go to and then I will be back in about an hour and a half. And Chrissy why don't you call your two friends and ask them to go with us while I'm gone.” she ordered.

Ms. Givens and Chrissy were both sitting open mouthed and stunned at what had just transpired. Ms. Givens gathered her composure and escorted Mrs. Killibrew out. When she came back, Chrissy and I hadn't moved we were so shocked. Ms. Givens sat back down and looked at me. “Damn, you are full of surprises.” Defiance squeaked and ran up on my books. He stood up on his hind legs and I swear I saw him smile.

“Well, let's get back to work. Chrissy I want you to read your poem.” Chrissy just sat there staring at me. “Chrissy, did you hear me?” asked Ms. Givens.

“Uh, yes mam. I'm sorry, I can't believe what just happened. I mean my straight laced and conservative mother just asked a boy to wear a dress. No. That's not right, she just asked Diane to be Diane. This is so cool.” said Chrissy.

“Well, I guess that she sees what we see in her.” said Ms. Givens. “Now would you please read your poem.” Chrissy got it out and read it. It was very good. She managed to get the right rhythm and time. Ms. Givens was very impressed.

“Alright Diane, it's your turn.”

“I didn't do as well as she did, can we just let it go?” I begged.

“No. You have to read yours.” ordered Ms. Givens.

“Yeah, I read mine now let's hear yours.” said Chrissy.

“Okay here goes.”

Suspended tween heaven and earth
An angel so beautiful and fair.
Hair that shines like gold in morning sun.
Eyes of emeralds so clear and bright
They seek the truth and the light
A friend for life who makes me seek my life.

“That is very good. I would like to see you add on to it Next week I want you both to see if you can add on to your poems to make them sing. I think in light of today's happenings Diane needs to take a bath and get ready. Oh my mother sent you a present that I think you will like Diane.” said Ms. Givens.

I got up and gathered up my books. Ms. Givens went to run the bath and while she was gone, Chrissy suddenly jumped up and threw her arms around my neck and kissed me on the cheek. “Thank you so much. You really have had a positive impact on me and on my Mom.”

I took the bath and washed my hair and when I got out and dried off I made a turban with a towel and I took the other one and wrapped it around me covering my chest with it like I had seen girls do in the movies. I walked out the bathroom door and Ms. Givens and Chrissy were standing there by the bed. “Diane I need you to put these on.” and they moved revealing a complete outfit. A beautiful yellow sleeveless dress and new brown suede saddle oxfords. I reached out and touched the dress and felt the material, it was so soft and light. I held it up to me and was overcome by emotion and started to cry, but it was out of happiness and not sadness. Ms. Givens and Chrissy both looked at me in confusion.

“I am so happy. This is wonderful. Thank you. Thank you.” I cried. “I do want to know where you get all of these beautiful clothes like this dress here and the one you are wearing?”

“Well, if you haven’t figured it out yet there is a chain of department stores called Givens, my parents own them and I told my mother about you and she sent several things to you. I will show you the rest later.”

I took the clothes into the bathroom and got dressed. When I came out I found the two of them still in the bedroom but now they had curlers and a hair drier. They rolled my hair and then put the drier cap on and turned on the drier. It was very noisy and I didn't hear Sally and Annie come in. They had changed also and when they came in, I was sitting on the end of the bed filing my nails.

Sally came up to me and pulled the cap up and said. “Hey good looking.”

I jumped and the two of them pulled me up to see how I looked. Annie whistled at me and Sally threw her arms around me and kissed me. “I don't care what you wear. I think you are great.”

Then Ms. Givens came in and turned off the drier and started taking the rollers out of my hair. Sally picked up a brush and brushed out my hair and fixed it in a really nice ‘do’. Then they put a little pink eye shadow on me and some mascara on my eyelashes. I still had not seen what I looked like until they turned me around and showed me to the mirror. Damn I looked just like a girl. I looked like a hottie. Then they finished it by showing me how to put on lipstick. They put a lite pink lipstick on me the same color that Sally used and then put some perfume on me. I recognized it as the one that I had smelled on Ms. Givens in the classroom that day. I was in heaven again. I wore white knee socks appropriate for my age with the saddle oxfords, but I still had to learn to walk like a girl and they made me walk back and forth in front of them until I got it right. They told me to glide and don't hold my arms away from my body and swing them back and forth. I had to move my hips back and forth, but not so, that it was noticeable like a streetwalker.

We were ready to go or so I thought. Ms. Givens stopped me and handed me a small purse and a sweater to wear. “Honey, you have to take a purse with you and you can't go out as cool as it is in a sleeveless dress like that. Now I took the liberty of placing some things you will need, like lipstick and a compact in your purse. I also put your billfold in it. Do you have any money?”

“I have fifty five cents in my pants pocket, but that is all. I really wasn't going to eat anything.” I said.

“Sweetie, you don't have to pay for a thing so you can order whatever you want. Okay?” she said. “Now do you have any questions before we go?”

“Yes mam. Why do you call me honey and sweetie?” I asked. “I mean I love it and all it makes me feel really good when you do, but why?”

“They are terms of endearment and I think you are as sweet as honey anyway. Would you rather I called you by your name?”

“No. Like I said, I love it. I just don't recall ever being called that.” I replied.

“Great, then let's go, I think I heard Mrs. Killibrew pull up.” Ms. Givens said and winked at me. “Honey, I just want you to know that you look beautiful tonight and I want you to be careful and don't let some boy try to do anything he shouldn't. Okay?”

“Yes mam.”

“That goes for the rest of you too. I want you all on your best behavior at all times. Now let's go.” and she opened the door and shooed us out.

Chapter 11

Mrs. Killibrew drove a big luxury car that had plenty of room for all of us. As we walked down the sidewalk to the car, she let out a wolf whistle that made me blush. I started to turn and run back but Chrissy and Sally each caught an arm and marched me to the car. Scared wasn't the word for the way I felt right then. Here I was out in the open wearing a dress and looking like a girl. What if someone I knew saw me? What would they say? We stopped in a line in front of Mrs. Killibrew and she looked each of us over. “Julie I think that you need to name your school, 'Julie’s Finishing School For Young Ladies.' They all look absolutely gorgeous.”

“Thank you very much, however it didn't take a lot to get them to look like this. They are all just naturally beautiful.” she replied.

We all got in with Ms. Givens up front with Mrs. Killibrew and the four of us in back. I was sandwiched between Sally and Chrissy with Annie behind Ms. Givens. Sally and Chrissy both took my hands and didn't let go. Annie was bemoaning a lack of having a boyfriend to sit with. We were teasing her about how, soon she was going to be fussing about not having a free moment of her own. She didn't like that, but was a good sport about it though. Mrs. Killibrew and Ms. Givens talked about school and other things like that. That was when she announced that she had a brother and he was getting married soon. She apparently didn't like his choice in women though and made it clear that she thought she was a gold digger. She didn't want to be a bridesmaid if she could find a way out of it.

What I wanted to know was, if she is from a family that has several stores in the mid-south and her mother sends her all those new clothes, then why was she teaching English in a high school. She could make a lot more money working with her family than working with a bunch of high school jocks who are more interested in what's between her legs than in what an onomatopoeia is. I suspected that there was a lot more to her than what was visible on the surface.

When we got to the restaurant, it was packed but Mrs. Killibrew had already called for reservations and it was a good thing because there was a half an hour wait. We were led to a table in a corner away from the people traffic and when I went to sit a waiter pulled my chair out for me and pushed it up for me. I had always had to seat myself in the past and it usually meant having to push some rather large person back to get in. Not here though, this was nice.

Mrs. Killibrew ordered our salads and an appetizer for us. We ordered our own drinks, I ordered a glass of ice tea, for an entree, I looked and ordered the cheapest thing. Ms. Givens was paying attention and changed mine to pasta and grilled chicken with a marinara sauce. “I think you will like that better than a hamburger.” she said.

“Den..Err..Diane I take it you don't get to eat out often.” stated Mrs. Killibrew. “You don't look that comfortable with the environment.”

“Well, no, not really that comfortable. I am more used to eating at the Dairy Bar than in a place like this.” I said.

“You will love it. I like the Dairy Bar too, but every now and then, it's nice to go someplace nice. I hope this place lives up to its advertisement. I love great Italian food although it also loves me just as much and likes to hang around on my butt.” said Mrs. Killibrew and we giggled.

“So tell me Julie, where are you from?” asked Mrs. Killibrew.

“I was born and raised in Memphis and my parents still live there. In East Memphis out close to Shelby Farms.”

“So how did you wind up here?” asked Sally.

“It's a long story, but suffice it to say I needed a teaching job and my minor was in English so here I am.”

“What was your major?” inquired Mrs. Killibrew.

“Orchestral conducting.” replied Ms. Givens. “I really wanted to get a job with an orchestra as an assistant director but I couldn't find one. So here I am.”

“Then why didn't you take over the band when Mr. Stoop quit instead of letting Billy do it.” I asked.

“Billy, is doing a fine job of directing the band right now and I can't get out of my teaching duties since they can't find a replacement for me. I have already submitted a request to move to teaching band and beginner band, but until they can find a new English teacher I am stuck.” sighed Ms. Givens.

“Wow, I can't believe that all this time no one knew that you harbored a secret desire.” teased Annie.

“Well my real secret desire is to eliminate the word ‘ain’t’ from the human speech patterns. I would also like to drive as many juvenile boys crazy with my legs as possible.” She said and laughed. “I see them watching me all the time not paying attention to what is being taught. I caught on quick to not sit on the front of my desk in class because so many of them had trouble getting up to leave at the bell and none of them paid any attention to the lesson. The only class I could sit on my desk and be comfortable while I taught was with these three. I noticed that no matter what I wore I didn't get any leering stares or remarks from them. I also saw that the guys in the class were so unhappy about me sitting facing Diane and the other two that they paid attention to the lesson.” she said.

“So that is why you always sit on the corner facing me.” I said.

“That's right. You have never been rude and you have always tried to pay attention to what was going on. Although I have caught you, seeking a peek at times. Shame on you.” and Sally and Annie giggled at that.

We were having a wonderful time when one of the jerk football players came up behind me and started talking to Sally and Annie. He obviously didn’t recognize me, which was a good thing and made it a point to introduce himself as the team’s star linebacker. Mrs. Killibrew was cordial, but it was obvious that she wanted him to go away.

“Hi there, Ms. G. You look great tonight.” He said in his oiliest tone.

“Hello Jeff. It is Jeff? Thank you for the compliment, but I really don't think it is appropriate.” snarled Ms. Givens.

“Sorry, no disrespect intended.” he said.

Sally saved the day. “It is so nice to see you tonight and all, but we are having a private get together and would love to have some. Privacy that is.”

“Uh yeah right. Well I'll see you in school tomorrow.” He said getting the message and left.

Ms. Givens shivered. “He's one of the worst. I have had to push him away several times. He only seems to be getting more and more persistent though.”

“Have you talked to the principal about this?” asked Mrs. Killibrew.

“No, I don't want to seem like I can't handle the students. It wouldn't look good for me.” she answered.

“Why don't you try wearing pants suits and not look so young and beautiful.” I interjected.

They all looked at me and Mrs. Killibrew said, “You know that might not be such a bad idea. I mean you do look more like a college student than a teacher. I'm not saying that it is a bad thing but you might consider a more conservative approach to how you look.”

“I never considered that my appearance would cause such actions in my students.” she said. “I only wanted to look and project professionalism, but it would be nice if I did wear slacks to work. They are so much easier to deal with than skirts.” stated Ms. Givens.

“I think you would look great even in a burlap bag and as far as being professional you won't have a problem with that no matter what.” said Annie.

“Why thank you Annie.” said Ms. Givens.

“There's no doubt about that. You are beautiful and more importantly to me extremely intelligent and capable. I have learned a lot in the small amount of time I have been able to spend with you. I mean my grades have risen to the point, one of my teachers came by to see if I was cheating on a test the other day and afterward she wanted to know what I was doing to do so well.” commented Chrissy.

“Well you certainly have made a huge impact on my life.” I said emphatically.

“Yes, I do believe she has at that.” said Mrs. Killibrew.

“Thank you Diane. I have to say you have made an equally good impact on my life and I relish the time I get to spend with you and these three also. I think you make a much better person as a female than you do as a male. I have noticed that you seem a lot more focused and capable when you are projecting your feminine personality.”

“Here, here.” exclaimed Sally. “I don't care if you are a girl you still have the softest lips I have ever kissed.”

“Ahem. And just how many have you kissed?” asked Ms. Givens as she glared at Sally.

“I won't kiss and tell.” giggled Sally. Mrs. Killibrew and Ms. Givens gave each other knowing looks and shook their heads.

We ate dinner and had a wonderful time. I really enjoyed the pasta, although the conversation was better. Sally continued to keep quiet on how many boyfriends she has had and we continued to press her on it until Mrs. Killibrew told us to change the subject. Then it turned to me. I really don't do well in the light I am more the mushroom type hiding in the dark trying to remain unobtrusive as possible but tonight they wanted answers.

“Diane, how long have you wanted to be a girl?” asked Mrs. Killibrew.

I tried to dodge the question,however it didn't work. “Mrs. Killibrew asked you a question, Diane. I expect you to answer it.” ordered Ms. Givens.

“Yes mam. Well I guess that I have always wanted to be a girl, but had to suppress any feminine expressions to keep from getting into trouble. The Christmas catalog would come and I looked at the pretty dresses and shoes before anything else. I got caught looking at the Barbie dolls one time and my dad beat me pretty bad and made me do pushups until I couldn't do them anymore. I always was jealous of the girls in school because they got to wear pretty clothes in different colors. I was stuck in guy clothes of blue jeans and cotton shirts. At night, I would dream of being a fairy princess and got to wear these beautiful gowns like “Glenda the Good Witch of the East in the Wizard of Oz”. I started to grow like a girl about a year ago and now I look like this. It is really hard on me in PE because I have breast and the other guys like to make fun of me over it. And now I have a figure like a girl and they really give me a hard time.” I explained. “Does that answer your question?” I asked.

“So when was the first time you....ah....dressed up?”

“I have tried on some of my Mom's old stockings in the past but the first time was the first day at Ms. Givens after we had the accident with the coke.” I said.

“Do you like boys then?” asked Chrissy.

“No, I really don't. I like girls.” and I looked at Sally, who was staring at me. “But I don't know how that would work out with me like this. As a matter of a fact I have only kissed two girls and no I won't tell who they are.”

“I think I know who one of them is.” said Ms. Givens and looked at Sally who blushed.

“I don't care I think Diane is sexy and she is so wonderful. All the girls are loving her.” said Sally.

“Yes, they have realized that she is a very nice person who cares about what they say, not what their chest looks like. I really like to have her around. I find it a little difficult to deal with some times but over all I think she is great and I am happy to have met her. I just want to say thank you Ms. Givens for helping her come out of her shell.” gushed Annie.

“I agree it is a little difficult to understand, however there is a lot I don't understand about a lot of things, but Diane has made me see that if I want to succeed then I will have to change my attitude about a lot of things. Seeing her work so hard to be a better person has really inspired me.” said Chrissy with a big smile.

“I thank you all so much for being my friends, but I fear if the wrong person finds out then you will all start having trouble because you are my friends. I don't want that to happen.” I said.

“I think we can handle anything that comes our way. I wouldn't be much of a friend if I dumped you when times get tough. Now would I? So don't worry about that.” Said Sally.

“Ms. Givens what prompted you to help her be what she wanted to be?” asked Annie. “Surely you must have seen something or suspected something.”

“I saw a beautiful young person who seemed to be struggling with who she was. I would see Diane come into my class every day and at first, I thought she was staring at me with the usual lewd thoughts, but then as I was walking by her I found that she was drawing clothes on her paper. Gorgeous dresses and bell-bottom pants. Then I noticed that she brushed her hair back like the rest of the girls and had several other feminine mannerisms. That was when I decided to sit facing her on the desk to see how she reacted and she did just as a young lady would for the most part and didn't act rude or lewd like the boys in the class. So when Defiance came out and made me spill soda on her I gave her my clothes to wear and she looked great in them and it changed her whole attitude. She improved immediately in all areas. I knew then Dennis was Diane.” said Ms. Givens.

“You know come to think of it I noticed that you talked with your hands and have a lot of female facial expressions. It must be hard to deal with some of the boys because of it.” said Sally.

I nodded in agreement, “Yes it is. Although I have never really understood why they seemed to dislike me so much. I have never threatened them or did anything to provoke them. I put it down to being a male orientated society that disliked the weak or weak appearing. Now I, in retrospect, feel as though they consider me a danger to society, that I will propagate my personality by making others do as I am doing. I also feel as though they are afraid that they will actually like me and want to have a relationship with me. God Forbid.” I said. “I mean I don't even like to be around Jeff much less want to have a relationship with him.” and the girls giggled.

“Well be that as it may. Please be careful around him. I can't help but get the feeling that he could be trouble.” said Ms. Givens.

“I was just using him as an example. There are many others out there who are just as bad if not worse.” I said.

“Sarah McCarthy dated him two or three times and she has tried to warn any of us that would listen, to stay away from him. She wouldn't say why though.” said Sally.

Mrs. Killibrew stopped the conversation by announcing, “Well, I think that we had better get going it's getting late and it is still a school day tomorrow.”

She and Ms. Givens went to pay and had a tug of war over the bill when Ms. Givens tried to help with the bill, Mrs. Killibrew refused to let her do it and paid the bill. I felt bad because I didn't have any way to repay her.

I caught Mrs. Killibrew away from the others and said.“Mrs. Killibrew, I don't have any money with me. Shoot I don't have any money at all but I will find a way to pay for my part.”

She turned and faced me and placed her hands on my shoulders and looked me in the eye. “Sweetheart you don't have to repay anything at all. I wouldn't accept it even if you tried. You know I see why Chrissy and the rest are so fond of you and I think that I am falling in love with you. I wouldn't mind having you as my daughter also.” and she hugged me and kissed me on the forehead.

“Thank you so much.” I said.

The ride home was much quieter. Sally and Chrissy both laid their heads on my shoulders and went sound to sleep. Annie fell asleep on her side and I found out that she snores. When we got back to town Mrs. Killibrew took Sally and Annie each to their homes and watched until they got safely inside. Then she took us to Ms. Givens house and dropped us off. I thanked her again for a wonderful time and hugged Chrissy bye. As Ms. Givens was unlocking the door, I thought I saw someone standing in the bushes at the edge of the house. I pushed her in and slammed the door behind us and locked it.

“Diane? What has gotten into you?” demanded Ms. Givens.

“I saw someone standing in the bushes at the corner of the house.” I explained.

Ms. Givens grabbed a flashlight and opened the door and rushed out onto the porch just in time to catch a glimpse of someone running behind the house next door. She came back in and told me she thought it was Jeff because of the clothes and his general build. I wondered if he had recognized me or not, the porch light was out and it was pretty dark out. I hoped he had not.

“Go change clothes so I can take you home. Oh and put on some of the new jeans instead of your old ones. I think that you will like them better. And I think that you can get away with wearing your new shoes all the time since they seem to look like boys shoes too.” she said and I did.

I gathered up my books after changing and put them in my backpack with my old clothes , shoes and all and for whatever reason I decided to take my new purse with me. “Ms. Givens, you don't have to give me a ride home I can run that distance without any problems and I will be alright.”

“Nonsense I am not going to let you walk all the way home this late at night. Now let's go.” and she herded me out the door, but this time she left the porch light on. As we drove out to my house, she asked me, “Did you have a good time tonight?”

“I had a wonderful time. It was so nice to go and have a wonderful meal with such wonderful people. I feel like Eliza from Pygmalion, I could have danced all night.” I said with my best rendition of a British accent. “I wish that it wouldn't end. Although for some reason I feel as though the night needed to end before something bad happened.” I said wistfully.

“I think we just need to be careful that's all. Listen I have to go to Memphis next weekend to be fitted for a bridesmaid dress would you like to accompany me. I am going to ask Sally and Annie if they would like to go too. I'm sure that my parents would love to have you since they are the only ones in the house right now.” she asked. “Well there’s my brother, but he’s never there.”

“I would love to, however I would still have to get my Mom's permission and I'm not sure that she is in the permissive mood right now.” Then something struck me I had forgotten to wash off the makeup. I had to figure out a way to do it before going into the house. Then it hit me I would do it in the washhouse before I did my exercises. Yeah that will work. I was getting better at the routines and seemed to be more confident in the basic moves. I still needed a punching bag though, but that shouldn't be a real big problem. I would use and old cotton sack and go down in the field and pick up the scrap cotton that had fallen on the turn roads. I could do that Saturday.

“So do you think I'm queer? Did you think I was a girl or effeminate when you first met me?” I asked.

“Yes as a matter of a fact I thought you were a girl when I first met you and then I wondered if you were gay when you answered to a male name. Then I started to wonder if someone had made a mistake when you were born. You are an enigma that I have yet to fully fathom. But don't worry I don't judge and now I am glad of it.” she replied and from the soft glow of the dash lights I could tell that she was smiling.

She pulled up to the drive and stopped. “I think I will let you out here but I want to do one thing though,” and she leaned over and pulled me to her and kissed me on the lips. “Hmm, Sally is right you do have the softest lips and they taste like honey.” She pushed me out of the car, said bye and took off back to the highway.

Smokey met me and walked back up to the house with me. I told him all about the night and what I did and where we went. I even told him about Julie kissing me. Wow, she had the most awesome lips and she smelled so good. I was on cloud nine. I washed my face and did my exercises and I put my dirty pants and under wear in the wash hamper. I still had the panties and bra on but the bra didn't show with my coat on. My billfold and the things I kept in my pockets were in my purse and it was in my backpack. I picked it up and went into the house. Mom was talking on the phone and didn't notice Smokey and I come in and go to my bedroom. Ralph was watching TV on the little portable in his room. It wasn't that great but it beat nothing. Once in my room I took my stuff out of my purse and put it on the dresser then I got my pj's on and climbed into bed. Smokey jumped up on the bed next to me and we went sound to sleep.

Chapter 12

Friday went by slowly more slowly than I could ever remember. As a matter of a fact, it was torture to me to have to return to being a boy again. To have to abandon the feeling of rightness that I had felt last night was almost more than I could stand. I almost broke out into tears on several occasions over the silliest things, however I managed to hang on. You see boys don't cry or show emotion at any time and if they did, it was because they were queer. Sally and the rest of the girls wouldn't let me alone long enough for me to fall apart. So the day wasn't that bad, however I did notice that Jeff the jerk was looking at me a lot and seemed to want to start something.

After school I decided to go into town and ask some of the storeowners if they needed any help, but was unsuccessful, they all said they had plenty of help. So I started out of town to the house. I had worn my old tennis shoes instead of the new shoes I had been given last night. I had my backpack on and started to run and was about half way home running on the side of the road when I heard a car coming up behind me and then I felt something hit me in the back and it knocked me down into the ditch.

I guess that I got knocked out because when I came to and looked up there were the two thugs that I had run off from the farm standing over me in the ditch. The big one had a baseball bat and the little one had a tire iron and they started hitting me with them. I took a terrible beating and passed out. When I woke up the next time, I was at home in bed with Doc Clifford standing over me. I had bandages on my head and one of my arms.

“Glad to see you back with us.” he said. “I wasn't sure that you were going to be with us for long.” and he had a big needle in his hand.

“Damn. Is that all you do, give defenseless kids shots?” I mumbled and passed out again.

I spent the night dreaming and having nightmares about being beaten over and over by guys that called me faggot. I was dressed in a slip and a pair of panties and even though I kept telling them, I had an accident they just jeered at me and kept beating me. Then my Dad would come into the dream telling them to hit me again saying, “Hit him again maybe that will beat the girl out of him.” Then a mouse would appear and scare them away.

I woke up the next day to see Uncle Will standing over me talking to the Sheriff. “I'm telling you if you don't catch those two I will and when I do it's going to be bad for them.” he said.

“Now Will don't do anything you will regret. I have been trying to catch them but they are pretty slippery. The next county over chased them, but lost them by the interstate. We are going to get them and when we do they are going away for a long time.” said the Sheriff.

They both saw that I had my eyes open and the Sheriff asked. “Dennis do you remember what happened to you yesterday?”

I told him what I could remember and asked, “I was on the way home and something hit me on the back. I passed out and when I woke up those two thugs were standing over me with a baseball bat and a tire iron. Then they began beating me. How did I get here?”

Uncle Will answered, “Will and George were going into town to the football game and found them beating you and by the time they got stopped and turned around the two of them took off. Will put you in the truck and brought you home.” I could tell that he was mad. Madder than I had ever seen him.

“I'm sorry I caused so much trouble.” I mumbled.

“Don't worry about it. You didn't do anything wrong. My guess is that if Will and George hadn't come along when they did those two would have killed you.” said Uncle Will.

“What did they beat me so bad for? All I was doing was running along the side of the highway.” I said. Then it all came flooding back to me the way they were standing there and the big one said that he didn't like being shot at and that I was going to pay for shooting his car. Then he hit me with the bat in the stomach and the other one hit me in the head with the tire iron and I blacked out again. I started to cry then from the memory of the pain. I wanted revenge and I wanted the beatings to stop. I spent the weekend in the bed crying on and off. Smokey wouldn't leave my side and if anybody came in, he would stand up and growl at them. I didn't get to go to school on Monday but Tuesday I was able to go. I took the bandages off and saw where they had broken the skin and left huge bruises on me. My face was black and blue but fortunately, I didn't have any broken bones. That was lucky on my part.

When I got off the bus, Sally met me and started crying when she saw me. “Diane, what happened to you?” she sobbed.

I took her hand and tried to calm her but it was no use. Mrs. Johnson came over and pulled her away from me and wanted to know what I had done to her. Before I could answer, she pulled Sally away and took her into the building and the rest of the kids just stared at me. I turned and ran away, I didn't know where I was going but I knew I had to leave. I managed to get all the way out of town and was headed back to the house. I was so frightened that I was in trouble that I didn't stop to think things through. My bad luck was back.

I made it back to the house when I heard the sound of a car coming. A six cylinder with a straight pipe on it. I ran up to the house and got inside when they turned into the driveway. Smokey must have been out hunting because he didn't start barking like always. Seeing red I got the shotgun out and loaded it with buckshot again. This time they weren't getting away to go and hurt someone else. I wasn’t going to let them do to someone else what they had done to me. I was imagining all sorts of things I wanted to do to them. They pulled around back like they did the last time and got out but instead of hesitating, they came right up to the back door and started trying to break in. I waited until they kicked the door in and came into the house. Then I stepped out of the hallway, lowered the shotgun. The big one was in my sights his eyes grew large as he looked down the barrel of the shotgun, he reached around behind his back and pulled a snub-nosed .38 pistol out and fired once at me. I heard the bullet go by my head and I pulled the trigger and the blast sent a huge red spray all over the little one and he was knocked down by the big one. The little one pulled out a silver pistol and before he could shoot, I racked another shell in the chamber and pulled the trigger again. Both of them lay still on the back porch in a growing pool of blood.

I wanted to shoot again and again but I didn't. They weren't going to hurt me again. Smokey came running into the house and stood by me and wouldn't leave. I don't know how long I had stood there with the shotgun pointed at them when Uncle Will came up. He walked around them and stood beside me and said, “Dennis, give me the gun.” I didn't move, I kept it pointed at them afraid they were going to get up and try to kill me again. I held onto the gun until he reached over and took the gun from me gently and pulled me to him. He pushed me into the living room and made me sit down on the couch. I heard him talking to the Sheriff and realized that he was on the phone. Then I stood up and walked back to my room and laid on the bed, Smokey came with me and laid down by me. I had just killed two mean and even though they had every intention of killing me. I felt dirty and scared, was I going to want to do it again, was I going to jail. This was just another in a line of things that have gone wrong for me or have produced a negative outcome. I kept seeing the fire leaping from the end of the barrel of the shotgun and the hole appearing in the big ones chest as the bullet whizzed by my head. I watched over and over in my head as the buckshot tore through his body and painted the back porch with blood and tissue. The terrified look on the little ones face as the blood sprayed him covering his face and the way he fumbled with the pistol as he tried to shoot me. It was like a nightmare that kept replaying over and over in my head.

A little later, the Sheriff came into the room and found me laying on the bed staring at the ceiling. “Dennis, do you feel like talking?” and he sat on the bed next to me. Smokey growled at him and I petted him and got him calmed down.

I sat up on the bed and looked at the Sheriff. “I had to leave school and when I got home I heard them coming up the road. I loaded the shotgun and hid. The big one kicked the back door in and when he did, I stepped around the door and he was there. I shot him when he pulled out a pistol and shot at me and the other one pulled out a pistol and I shot him too. I guess that I am going to prison. Right?”

“No son, this is a clear cut case of self-defense. You will have to answer some more questions, but you aren't going to jail.” replied the Sheriff. “Listen killing a man is a terrible thing and I want you to know that I don't see that you had a choice. So lay back down and get some rest. I don't want you coming to the back door while we take care of things.” and he got up and walked out with a sad look on his face.

I was wondering where my Mom was, I really needed to be reassured and told that she loved me. I could hear her talking to the Sheriff but she hadn't come to check on me. Was I so horrible that she couldn't even come see about me? What could make a mother turn her back on her own flesh and blood like she had? I didn't know, but I knew that I was moving back into the barn no matter what, at least there I wouldn't have to see the looks that she gave me when she didn't think I was looking and see the blood stains on the back porch.

Later that afternoon I got my stuff and walked out to the barn and climbed the ladder to the loft. When I got there, I put my things in the little room that I had made and sat down. Uncle Will and his sons cleaned up the blood and helped remove the bodies for the Coroner. A wrecker had come and towed the car away. I heard the Sheriff talking to the wrecker driver about finding a bunch of stuff that had been stolen last night and now he was going to have to find out where it went. They also made the comment that the two of them had been drinking heavily because of all the beer cans in the car. I still didn't know their names though. Mom wasn't there, nobody was there when I went to the barn.

I was sitting on a hay bale thinking about the day’s events and I started hearing a low growling voice. “Murderer, Killer, you don't deserve to live, that’s what they are all saying about you. Why don't you just die and come with me? I won't let you suffer anymore. All you have to do is tie a rope around your neck and jump and it will be all over. Just think no more beatings no more being hated because you are a queer, a faggot, a weak little piece of shit. Go on, there is the rope, do it.” And I looked and saw a roll of baling twine laying there. I got up and tied a loop with a slipknot on it and took the other end over to the ladder and tied the other end to it and jumped. The twine loop pulled up tight around my neck and choked me until I passed out. I didn't see the mouse chewing on the twine causing it to break.

When I woke up, I was laying at the foot of the ladder still with the twine around my neck. I thought I was dead, finally free of all the pain and hatred that I had suffered, but wait I was lying in manure and a mouse was standing on my nose and he spoke to me. “Diane that was a stupid thing to do. Don't ever do it again. I won't let you. Now get up and go lay down and sleep. When you awake you will feel better.” I was amazed that a mouse was talking to me and I was even more amazed that I was alive. Damn I couldn’t even commit suicide, what good was I? I got up, climbed the ladder and laid down and slept and for the first time in a while, I didn't have any nightmares.

Chapter 13

The next day was dreary and overcast. I just stayed in the barn, did my exercises and hoped and prayed that God would take my life because I didn't think I could stand much more. The exercises seemed to help more than anything else so I kept them up and by about noon I was sweating and hungry, but I wasn't going to go into the house again if I could help it. Then I remembered that Smokey had to be fed so I walked up to the house and got him some food. He stayed right with me the whole time. I got some water out of the hydrant and walked back to the barn. I lived like that for about two more days. Mom didn't come and see about me, but Uncle Will came by and checked on me every day. I lied to him about having enough to eat and he didn't press the subject.

By the fourth day away from school, Ms. Givens came to see me. She came up the drive and parked her car. I was in the hayloft doing my exercises when I heard Smokey start barking. I went and looked out and saw her car. Smokey had her trapped inside it. I walked up and grabbed Smokey.

“No wonder you don't have a girl friend with a guard dog like that.” she joked as she got out of the car. I didn't say anything. “So can we go inside or do you prefer to stay out here.”

“I don't live there anymore. I moved out a few days ago.” I said coldly. Then I realized it wasn't her fault that things had gone the way they had. “I'm sorry I didn't mean to be rude.”

“Diane, I found out what happened the other day and I would like you to know that you are welcome back in school anytime. We really miss you. Please come back.” She said. “I can't imagine what you have gone through this week. It must be a nightmare.” I just nodded and looked away.

“You said you would like to go to Memphis with us and I am here to ask you to go. I think it would do you a lot of good to get away from here for a day or two. Please.” she said.

“I can't go I am dirty and I smell bad. So I appreciate the offer but I have to decline.” I said.

“I don't care what you look like or how you smell, please come. We can stop at my house and get you cleaned up and then we can go on.” she said.

I relented. “Okay I'll go but I need to leave a note for whoever cares.” and I turned a started back to the barn.

“Hey wait a minute,” and she opened her car door and reached in back and pulled out a pair of flats and changed into them. Then she walked out to the barn with me. “So this is where you stay now?” She asked. I nodded and kept walking.

At the barn, I told her I would be right back and climbed the ladder. The twine was still on the ladder. I walked over to my room and found a piece of paper and wrote a note that I would be gone for a few days. When I looked up, she was standing there looking at the loop that I had laid on one of the hay bales. She looked at me with a pained expression and I gathered what few things I had and put them in my backpack. She stopped me and made me hold my head up. The mark from the twine was still there. “Dennis did you do what I think you did?” I didn't say anything I only walked to the ladder. She was looking at my bed of hay bales with a tarp and a blanket on them and then she followed me. I let her go first so I wouldn't be tempted to look up her dress as she was climbing down.

At her house, I took a bath and while I was in there I heard her talking to her mother. “Mother we will be there by six thirty can you have him meet us at eight. I really would appreciate it. I know, but she really needs help and I don't know what to do. Listen I have to go the girls are here now. Yes I love you too.” I knew that she was talking about me. I got out and dried off and when I walked out to the bedroom, there were clothes laid out for me, a pair of girls jeans and a blouse along with underwear and socks. I got dressed and came out to see Sally and Annie there waiting. They both ran to me and just about knocked me down. Sally threw her arms around me and kissed me and hugged me. Annie wedged in and hugged me tight. Ms. Givens was trying to get them to let go but they wouldn't.

“I am so mad at you.” Sally sobbed. I thought you were dead or something. Nobody would tell us anything. Your, damned brother just clammed up when I asked about you. Don't you ever leave me like that again.” and she kissed me again.

A huge weight had been lifted from me right then and I started crying with them. I guess that this was what I needed to help me more than anything else. The affirmation that someone actually cared about me. A hug from someone that loved me. The tears kept coming and coming until Ms. Givens pulled me onto the couch and held me and stroked my wet hair. “Honey, you are loved by more people than you know. We love you very much and care about you more than you will ever know.” and she let me cry it all out. Then she said, “Come on we have to get going. Wrap that wet head and put your coats on and let's go.”

I dried my eyes and thanked then all. Then I walked over to my backpack and pulled out my new shoes and my prized possession, my purse. Alright I know that it is a small thing, but it is important to me as a symbol of my girlhood, things that are trivial to a lot of people are important to me. As I was getting ready to leave, I remembered that I needed to wrap my hair and pick up some clothes for tomorrow. I took my backpack because that was all I had and as I was walking to the bedroom out came Ms. Givens with a large suitcase and a small suitcase and a towel. She gave me the small one and the towel and I wrapped my hair to dry. “Wow you need a lot of stuff for the weekend, I mean two suitcases.”

“The small one is yours I packed it last night.” she said with that wicked look on her face.

“How did you know that I would agree to go?” I asked.

“Oh a little mouse told me.” and she winked. “Oh your coat is on the bed go get it and let's go.”

I found a blue wool coat with a fur like collar, I loved it. “Why was Ms. Givens always looking out for me and getting me the things I needed when my own mother wouldn’t.” I ran out to the car, Annie and Sally were waiting for me there, we all put our bags in the trunk and away we went. I got in the back seat and Sally got in beside me. Right beside me. Annie sat up front with Ms. Givens. Sally wore a skirt and it was short as usual and she took my hand and held it in her lap. Ms. Givens turned and looked at us and said, “no necking or I will separate you two.”

“Yes mam.” we both responded.

We didn't notice that someone was watching us from the shrubs next door with a pair of binoculars.

“Ms. G. do you think we will get to go shopping tomorrow. I would love to go the Mall of Memphis.” Asked Annie. “I brought twenty dollars that I have been saving to go there.”

“I don't see why not I have to be fitted for a bridesmaids dress and it is in the Mall so I think that you can go shopping if you want. By the way, have you been to the Zoo lately? I think Mother wants us to go Sunday after church. I hope you are Methodist because that is where we are going. I also hope you don't mind but Mother has invited my brother Robert and his fiancé to dinner tonight at Pete and Sam’s.” she told us.

“What is Pete and Sam’s?” asked Sally. “I hope it is Italian because I love Italian food.”

“As a matter of a fact it is and it is one of the best in town. It is a family restaurant with real Italian food. I love it.” replied Ms. Givens.

So what is the fiancé’s name?” asked Annie. “I couldn't help but notice that you don't seem to like her very much.”

“Her name is Katherine Ross and she is a secretary in the company headquarters where Robert works.”

“So why don't you like her, is she ugly? Does she have a bad personality or something like that.” asked Annie. “I know, she has a wart on her nose and she rides a broom and wears a tall pointy hat.”

“No Annie she doesn't have a wart and she doesn't ride a broom or at least I don't think so.” giggled Ms. Givens.

“Diane what happened to you Tuesday. I couldn't believe that you had all of those bruises on your face and now you have a bruise around your neck. I'm sorry but it scared me so bad I started crying and that mean Mrs. Johnson told the principal that you had been mean to me and made me cry. That witch. I think she does ride a broom. I know that her husband fools around on her all the time, but I haven't heard with who yet.” Said Sally.

Annie turned and looked at her. “You mean you didn't know. Wow I thought everybody knew.”

“Knew what?” asked Ms. Givens.

“Well I heard Mom and Dad talking about it. They don't know that I know, but Mr. Johnson dates men and I have heard that he likes teenage boys and girls.” said Annie. “But please don't tell anybody I told you.”

“Are you making that up?” demanded Ms. Givens.

“No mam.” exclaimed Annie. “They asked if they could have a sleep over for some of the girls in the class and according to Mom they all refused because they were afraid of him. I personally have had to get away from him one day. I haven't told Mom.”

“What happened?” asked Sally.

“He hugged me and tried to kiss me on the mouth. Yechh, he is so gross. Haven't you noticed that he dresses like a teenager at home and wears his hair long. I always wondered why they don't have any kids and I think I know why. I think Mrs. Johnson is afraid of what he would do to them.” said Annie.

“You know he works with Dad at the airport and Dad doesn't like him at all. I wondered why.” commented Sally.

“That would explain a lot.” I said.

“Huh. What do you mean?” asked Annie.

“She is the teacher that tried to set me up. She got three of the football players to say I was gay and tried to have sex with them.” I said.

“Well that makes sense now. I understand why they kicked those three off the team. I can't say that it was a loss because the guys that have taken their place have proved to be much better players. I'll bet the three that got suspended, their parents are hot because they leaned on the coach all the time about letting their kids play even though they weren’t that good. I can't believe that Jeff said they were the three best players they had.” said Sally.

“Amy was telling me that the coach is under fire right now because he didn't demand that they be reinstated. You know she hears all the dirt about the coach from her boyfriend.” said Annie. “By the way Amy wants us all to meet at her house Monday about the cheer leading squad. I think Carey has some good news for a particular person,” said Annie.

“Well, all I know is Diane had better not be fooling with any old football person. I'll be very unhappy if she does.” teased Sally.

“I don't think you have a thing to worry about.” I said.

What I didn't understand was why they weren't asking me about what had happened to me. I kind of guessed that Ms. Givens had something to do with it. I really didn't want to talk about it anyway so that was fine. I was having a great time just the way things were going. Sally was squeezing me into the corner it seemed. Then she laid her head on my shoulder and the next thing I knew she was asleep. I don't think I will ever get over the way her hair feels and smells. She was such a beautiful girl, but if I was a girl then that would make me, a queer girl and what did that make Sally? I was really starting to be confused even more so than I was. I fell asleep trying to work my way through the situation, the next thing I knew was Ms. Givens saying.

“Well, girls here we are. This is where I was raised and there is my Mother right on time. What do you want to bet she has been watching out the front window for us for thirty minutes.” said Ms. Givens with a grin.

We were met by an older although just as beautiful copy of Ms. Givens who pulled the door open and immediately began talking. “Julie, it's so good to see you again. Oh no you look like you have lost weight have you been eating right? Are they treating you right? Oh never mind we'll talk about that later. Sarah, come help with their bags please.” Commanded Mrs. Givens.

“No Sarah, I expect the girls to carry their own bags. They are still young and strong, so let's get to it girls.” and we got our own bags and lined up in front of Mrs. Givens. “Mother I want you to meet Sally, Annie and Diane. Say hello girls.” said Ms. Givens. We all said hello.

“They are as pretty as a picture just like you said. Hello girls if you will follow me I will show you where to put your bags.” said Mrs. Givens. “Mr. Givens won't be home for a little while so that will give you time to rest and change for dinner. I just can't get over how beautiful you all are. I understand that you are cheerleaders. I'll bet you didn't know that Julie was a cheerleader also. She was the captain of the squad as a matter of a fact. All the boys wanted to date her. Her Father would have to beat them away with a big stick.”

“Mother! Don't be telling them that!” exclaimed Ms. Givens.

“Is that like going to Tahiti?” I asked with a grin. Then I leaned in close to Ms. Givens and whispered. “Gotcha.”

Ms. Givens gave me a look and wrinkled up her nose, which made her even more gorgeous. “Move that cute butt. Now.” Sally and Annie both giggled and followed Mrs. Givens and exaggerated swinging their hips from side to side. I was going through the door and turned to see Ms. Givens hugging the maid.

“I am going to have to put one of you in with Julie and the other two in the spare bed room. So let's pick this way. Eenie Meeney Miney Moe you get to hear Julie snore. Sorry Diane you lose so come on and put your bag in here and you two put yours in there. And go ahead and put on your dinner clothes.” She said.

Ms. Givens room was very feminine and well-ordered with dolls on the shelves and pictures of her everywhere with family and friends. She was very photogenic, but then I couldn't see why not. Her cheer poms were on a shelf and a record player with a large collection of records sat on another shelf. Recordings of all of the major classical composers were there, Beethoven, Bach, Dvorak, Copeland. Then all of the latest pop groups, The Monkeys, Rolling Stones, Moody Blues, Blood Sweat and Tears and of course Chicago. I was looking through them when Ms. Givens came in and saw me.

“That is my favorite one. Dvorak’s, New World Symphony in D minor. I know that everybody else thinks that Beethoven was so great but Dvorak was so much easier to listen to and it had a real heart to it. Although some of his Slavic Dances were in my opinion not very good. So which do you like the best?” She asked.

“I love them all, but I really love Aaron Copeland and his Symphony for the Common Man. It seems to have as you say heart and soul. As far as the modern stuff, I like Chicago’s 25 or 6 to 4. The horns do it a lot of justice and give it a life with a jazz and blues flavor. I love it.” I said. “Uh, do you mind if I ask a question?”

“Sure go ahead.”

“Do I have a dinner dress?”

“Well let's see.” and she took my suit case and set it on the bed and opened it. “Yes as a matter of a fact you do.” and she pulled out a beautiful winter white linen dress and hung it up on the shelf. Then she pulled out a pair of off white stockings and a pair of ivory pumps that had a heel to them. She helped me get dressed and showed me the little nuances of the different articles of clothing. I was a little wobbly in the heels, but managed not to fall over. I walked around in them a little and with Julies help and direction learned out how to walk in them, I was doing fair in them even so she still made me walk back and forth several times for her and she made me do several things differently like taking smaller steps and keeping my feet closer together until I got it right.

“Alright now I need you to unzip me and help me get dressed.” she said.

“You want me to do that?” I stammered.

“Yes and I thought the stammering thing was gone. Now let’s get to it we don't have a lot of time I have to fix your hair and makeup.” she said. So I unzipped her and she got undressed and picked out a beautiful mauve dress with an empire bodice. I helped her put it on and buttoned her up. She put on a pair of pink heels that she had in her closet then she had me to sit down while she brushed out my hair and then had me to put on the eyeliner. “Don't use too much, just enough to barely be seen. Remember you are a lady not a whore.” I did and then she made me put on the Mascara the same way and some lite pink eye shadow on the eyelids only. Then she shooed me out to go check on Annie and Sally.

I knocked on the door and Sally let me in stood back and whistled at me. “Damn girl you look great. I haven't even gotten started. Come on you can help. Which dress do you think I ought to wear? The blue one or the green?”

“I like the green. It really sets off your eyes. You have the most beautiful green eyes, they seem to have little gold flakes in them. I love them so much.” I said.

Annie giggled and said, “I think you have an admirer.”

“I like it.” said Sally and she kissed me. Once again, I felt my cheeks getting hot and I had a weak feeling all over.

“Diane, I need you to help me put my dress on.” said Annie and she had taken her blouse off and her pants. She had a beautiful firm body and she didn't mind me looking at it. She put on a slip and some panty hose and then she had me to lift the dress over her head and pull it down and straighten it out. I zipped up the back and stood back and looked at her she was gorgeous in her blue dress.

Sally had taken off her clothes and put her dress on and had me to zip it up. I brushed out her hair for her while she put on her make up. Sally asked if I minded helping them get dressed, I said no I didn't, but it was the first time I had seen girls without their clothes on. I admitted that I was a little embarrassed by it, but since I was supposed to be a lady I didn't think that it made a lot of difference, to which both of then giggled and grabbed me and threw me on the bed an started tickling me. We were interrupted by Ms. Givens who told us to get busy and quit fooling around.

Ms. Givens went down stairs and I got up and straightened my dress and brushed my hair again. Then I turned around threw my head back and walked out. Annie and Sally both he-hawed at that. I went down stairs and was sitting in the living room, I could hear Julie and her Mother talking in the next room. They seemed to be talking about me. Her Mother was asking if this was the right thing to do to encouraging me to dress and act like a girl? Julie was telling her that when I was like this I was so much more natural and seemed to be more relaxed and calm. She did say that she was worried about Sally because she didn't seem to want to accept it. Then she told her Mother that she was worried about me because I lived in a barn and slept in the hayloft in a little space made out of hay bales. And she told her that I tried to hang myself the other day after I had to shoot those two thugs. She told her Mother that she didn't want to lose me I was the little sister she had always wanted. That was why she wanted 'Ted' to talk to me.

Chapter 14

The doorbell rang and Mrs. Givens asked me to get the door. I opened the door and met a tall gentleman with short blond hair. “Yes, may I help you?” I asked.

“I'm Ted Thomas. I believe they are expecting me.” he said.

“Yes sir. Please come in.” I said and opened the door and let him in.

“So who are you? I don't believe I've met you before.”

“I am one of Ms. Givens students.” I replied.

Then I was rescued by Ms. Givens. “Ted it's so good to see you again.” and she gave him a hug. “Come on in and have a seat. I see you have met Diane, the other two scamps are up stairs they should be down any minute.”

Annie and Sally came down the stairs looking great as usual. “Girls come on over here and say hello to a very old and special friend of mine. This is Theodore 'Ted' Thomas.” Both of them said hello and shook his hand. Annie being the most forward of the two stated, “So this is why you haven't dated anyone in town.”

“No Ted and I are just good friends. Miss Nosy!” exclaimed Ms. Givens. But Ted still had his arm around Ms. Givens waist.

“So what do you do?” asked Sally.

“I'm a doctor.” replied Ted.

“A doctor. Well that's fabulous. You aren't going to take Ms. G. from us are you?” asked Annie.

“Annie! I'm sorry Ted they are a little forward, but that will subside quickly.” and she shot daggers with her eyes at Sally and Annie who just smiled at her.

“Ted, how are you?” asked Mrs. Givens as she came flowing into the room.

“Fine thank you. You look as beautiful as ever Mrs. Givens.” he said.

“You always were a smoothie. Come on and have a seat and tell us what's been going on.” Said Mrs. Givens and she led the way back into the living room and orchestrated the placement of Ted between herself and Ms. Givens. It almost appeared as though she wanted Ms. Givens to get as close as possible to him.

I excused myself on the premise that I needed to use the bathroom, but really, I just needed a few minutes to myself. So I walked out to the kitchen and on out to the back yard. They had a swimming pool and a patio with dedicated patio furniture. I still didn't understand why Ms. Givens had given all of this up to come and teach in a small town. I would love to live here and not have a thing to worry about, but I guess that even a flower patch full of beautiful flowers had its bugs and thorns. I walked around the back yard and watched the birds that hadn't left for the winter yet. I was enthralled by an oriole’s song when I heard the door open. Ted came out and stood by me. He didn't say anything he just stood there. Listening and watching with me.

“You know the birds are beautiful even now this late in the fall. I never could tell which was which though. Shame I love them more than I love any other of the wild life. I guess that my second choice is to watch the squirrels play in the trees. It's like watching an acrobatic act the way they jump from limb to limb.” he said. After a few minutes, he asked which I liked.

I didn't say anything I just stood there hugging myself because it was cold and I hadn't put my coat on. Then I guess I decided to confront him. “You are a psychiatrist aren't you?”

“Does it show that bad?” he replied not really wanting an answer.

“I heard Ms. Givens and her Mother discussing me and I overheard Ms. Givens asking her Mother to call you because I needed help.” I said. “I get the feeling that her Mother doesn't approve of me. I'm debating on whether to just leave tonight and go back home so I don't cause any trouble. It seems I have caused enough lately.” Somehow I felt safe talking to Ted and I really didn’t know why. He must work hard at making people feel at ease around him, because I was feeling like I could trust him and I had just met him.

“I was told you have suffered enough in the last two weeks to equal what the average person goes through in an entire life. I can't even imagine what you have endured. Well some of it I can. You see I also have my secrets.” he said sadly. “I really love Julie, but getting married is out of the question. I have a place downtown that I go to enjoy a night out where I can be myself and meet people like me. You see I am gay and nobody but Julie knows.” and he sighed like he was being crushed with a stone.

I looked at him and saw a tear in his eye. I reached up and wiped it away, don't ask me why I did it I just did it. I didn't find him attractive or anything, I just could relate to his pain. I think I surprised him because he stopped and looked at me. “Thanks.” He said obviously shocked.

“I didn't ask for, this but it has been thrust upon me. I was happy until my Granddaddy died and now things have gone horribly wrong for me. I have almost been beaten to death twice and I have killed two men, and it was hard to see a future for me so I tried to end it all. Then this afternoon Julie, don't tell her I called her by her first name, came and got me and brought me here. I was able to get cleaned up and put on some clothes that are my actual gender feelings. Yes I am a male even though I look like a girl. The realization came to me the day I was at Julies house for a study session and she spilt a soft drink on me and I had to wear some of her clothes for a while. I don’t think I am gay or anything like that since I like girls. I like Sally a lot and I think I am falling for her. I just don’t know how it would work out for us though. Coming here I felt a burden lifted from me today. I just want the hurting to stop.” I blurted out and started crying.

He pulled me to him and held me tight. I cried and sobbed until he finally said, “I want it to stop too, but I have come to the conclusion that we all have to live with pain all of our lives and what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. So no more tears you have ruined that beautiful makeup and now you are going to have to redo it. But! I want a promise from you. I don't want you to try and take your life again ever.”

I looked in his eyes and he had a tear forming in the corner of one. I reached up and wiped it away and told him, “I promise.” Then he pulled out his handkerchief and wiped my eyes and got as much make up off as he could. “You know the store where my Mom works sells that exact type of handkerchief.”

“I know my 'friend' gave it to me and now I know who sold it to him. Small world isn't it. Come on let's get you cleaned up before Mr. Givens gets here. He really doesn't deal with crying women very well.” and he led me back inside.

As we opened the door, I could hear heels clicking on the floor as Julie and the others tried to get back in the living room before we saw them. Julie turned and stayed though pulling me into a hug letting e cry some more. She whispered in my ear that everything was going to be alright and kissed me on the forehead. She took me upstairs to fix my makeup and this time she told me to put some lipstick on since we had forgotten it earlier. While fixing my makeup she never once asked about what Ted and I talked about and she was more gentle with me than ever, I knew she wanted to know, but I didn’t want to talk about it right then. Then back down stairs to the others. I don't mind telling you that climbing and descending stairs in heels is difficult, although I still loved them. When we got back down stairs Mrs. Givens announced that Mr. Givens was held up by work but would meet us at the restaurant so we needed to get going if we were going to make it on time. Sally stood next to me and took her hands in mine. I could tell she wanted to talk to me. The time just wasn’t right though.

I got my coat and Ted helped me put it on along with Sally's and Annie's. Then he started to walk away when Julie cleared her throat and held up her coat. He jumped and grabbed hers from her hand and helped her and her Mother put theirs on. The three of us girls snickered at them and Julie gave us a dirty look, it didn’t do any good though since we still kept grinning at her and Ted.

Pete and Sam's was a nice little family restaurant and I immediately loved it. I could smell pizza cooking in the kitchen and saw a waiter come out wearing a white apron with a tray that had spaghetti piled high on the plates. I knew what I wanted, but once again, I didn't want to order too much and seem ungrateful for the dinner. Ted decided to order for me though and he ordered a bottle of wine and ice tea for the three of us. Mrs. Givens and Julie each asked for a wine glass and then Julie looked at us and asked that they bring each of us a wine glass and a second bottle of wine. “You can each have half a glass of wine and no more your parents would kill me if I made you into alcoholics.”

We giggled at that and I, being the one with the highly intelligent derriere made the comment, “Honesht occifer I’m not as think you drunk I am.” to which the table erupted into laughter.

“Well I can see that we have a comedian with us.” Mrs. Givens said and snickered. Ms. Givens just rolled her eyes at me.

Mr. Givens showed up a little later and said that Robert and Katherine were going to be joining us in a few minutes also. Those were Julie’s brother and future sister-in-law. Julie frowned and her Father gave her a don't start look and dropped the subject. He was a big man with a no-nonsense look on his face. He also had a fathers caring look that was quite evident. “So are these the three trouble makers that you have been telling me about?” he said with a big smile. “You know you couldn't hold a candle to all the trouble that Julie has been in.”

“Dad, I would appreciate it if you didn't tell them that.” whined Julie.

“Well it's my understanding that you were going to run off to Tahiti and live naked on the beach with Diane. Uh by the way which one of you is Diane?” he said smiling. I demurely held my hand up and he continued, “and which is Sally the boy crazy one.” Sally nodded her head. “And you must be Annie the one that wants to date, Gil? Is that it?”

“Ms. G. I can't believe you told them that.” Annie said.

“I think that from what I have heard and can see Gil would be a very lucky young man. You three are each absolutely gorgeous. I am going to send a big stick home with each of you and a note for your parents to use if a boy gets to close. That's what I had to do with Julie here. Especially when Ted came around. I swear I thought I was going to have to sit between the two of them to keep them from getting carried away.” He said. I looked and both Ted and Julie were blushing.

“Roger mind your manners we have guest. I swear you are incorrigible. What am I going to do with you?” said Mrs. Givens.

“Miranda I will offer some suggestions later,” and he leaned over and kissed her very passionately and looked into her eyes for the longest. I could tell he loved her very much. Sally slid her hand into mine and squeezed it. I looked at her and smiled.

Robert and Katherine came in and sat down at the table with us. I thought Annie and Sally were going to blow a gasket. They both started drooling and I could have sworn I heard a wolf whistle. I squeezed Sally's hand hard and she came back to the world. I had to pinch Annie to make her stop staring. “Ouch that hurt.” she said and then looked rather sheepish.

Mr. Givens introduced us each in turn. I noticed that Katherine didn't acknowledge me or Julie. She was strikingly beautiful with blond hair, an angelic face and a body that a lot of women would kill for. She sat very close to Robert and laughed at all of his jokes and made small talk with everybody at the table except Julie and I. No wonder Julie didn't like her. There was something about her that I couldn’t quite put my finger on though, she corrected Robert once or twice on his use of the silverware and she made several requests that seemed like thinly veiled demands. She was a snob in my opinion.

Mr. Givens poured each one at the table a glass of wine and proposed a toast. “To my son and future daughter in law, may they have as wonderful a marriage as I have.” The waitress came by and took our orders, Ted ordered the spaghetti dinner with the salad for Julie and the three of us.

I looked up and there was Mr. Washington from the store. He walked up and spoke to Mr. Givens who asked him to join us. He agreed and the two of them began to talk business and Robert joined in. I noticed that he still had the handkerchief that I had sold him in his breast pocket. He saw me looking at it, “Yes dear it is the one that you sold me that day in the store. It brought me a lot of luck that day and I try to wear it as much as possible.”

“You know it?” said Katherine.

“Yes mam I know 'her',” Mr. Washington said and seemed offended by her comment. “She was helping her mother in the store and I needed a new handkerchief. She recommended this one and I made a rather large sale that day and I attribute it to her good taste.”

“Thank you. Did you get your tire fixed?” I asked fighting back the anger at the insult.

“As a matter of a fact I did. When the gentleman you recommended looked at it he said it was ruined and noticed that the others needed replacing so he make me a deal I couldn't pass up. So I bought four and have since found out that it was ten percent cheaper than anywhere here in town. So thank you. You saved me a lot of money that day.” He said. “Oh and may I say you look much prettier tonight than you did in those work clothes. How did the harvest go?”

“We managed to get about sixty to seventy bushels of soybeans to the acre and about one to two bales of cotton to the acre so it wasn't all that bad of a year.” I said. “I would like it better if Uncle Will would diversify a little and grow something that has a more stable price. Right now cotton is up because the fashion industry is using a lot of cotton. But when the industry goes to man-made fibers, it will change. Although I foresee a increasing demand for soybeans in the future because of the many diverse things that can be made from the soybean.” Then I noticed that they were all staring at me. “Sorry I didn't mean to butt in.”

“Have you ever considered a career in the financial market?” asked Mr. Washington. “Because what I'm hearing is someone who has researched the subject and is passionate about it. I could use an intern this summer like you.”

“Not if I get her first.” said Mr. Givens.

“Thank you both I will give it some thought, but you have to know that is the busiest part of the year on the farm.” I said.

“Good enough, but if you decide to do it call me I'll put you to work in a heart-beat.” said Mr. Givens.

“Thank you if I decide to do it I will definitely call one of you.” I said.

“Hah I'm still in the running.” gloated Mr. Washington.

“Not if I can help it, Stan.” Retorted Mr. Givens.

They talked business all through the meal and the rest of us asked Katherine questions about the wedding. Annie wanted to know if she had picked out her wedding dress and wanted to know all about it. Sally was busy asking how they met and what the first date was like. I had my first two questions ignored so I quit asking and looked over at Ted and Julie who were having a wonderful discussion about teaching and the different encounters that Julie had while doing it. Julie looked at me then and suddenly said. “and this is my best encounter so far. She is not only smart, but talented. Have I mentioned that she plays the saxophone in the band and she can charm wild animals to come and climb into her hand. I have her latest conquest living in my house and he sleeps with me now. Would you like to know how we met him.”

“Of course this sounds like a story I need to hear.” he said while looking into Julies eyes.

“Diane was at my house for her first tutoring and while bringing a couple of glasses of soda to the table Defiance, that is his name now, ran out and stood up in front of me. I screamed and spilled soda all over Diane and had to make her take a bath and put on some of my clothes while I washed hers. So do you want to know what Defiance is?” she said.

“I think at this point it would be an important fact.” he said.

“Defiance is a mouse.” she said. “And a pretty smart one at that.”

“Really, a mouse, but you don't like mice. I remember the time one was in your kitchen and you ran out screaming. Sarah picked it up and put it outside and wouldn't let you set all those traps. Especially after one let go and caught your finger.” he said laughing.

“Especially after getting my finger caught in the trap.” she giggled.

“So who picked up the mouse first. I'm guessing that it was you Diane.” he said.

“Yes sir it was me. I just put my hand down on the floor and he walked up on it and ran up my arm and sat on my shoulder. I really think he did it just to show off, but now Ms. Givens won't let him go. She feeds him and lets him sleep with her. He squeaks at her jokes and seems to listen to her every word. You know if I didn't know better I would say he is trying to court her.” I said.

“So my competition is a mouse huh?” he said.

“Yes and you had better try hard because Defiance is one tough hombre.” Julie said with a snicker.

“I'll keep that in mind when I meet him. I guess that I had better start lifting a few thread spools before I meet him and maybe get some sunflower seed for a peace offering.” he said.

I began to wonder if he really was gay the way he looked at Julie. I believed that he loved her very much. She also looked like she loved him. Ah, two star-crossed lovers held apart by ones inability to believe in love and commitment, unable to tell him that she would be everything he needed. The other unable or unwilling to believe that he could be all that she needed to be fulfilled and that she was all he needed. Somehow, they had to come to an understanding about each other and their need to be together.

“How long did you two date?” I asked.

Julie looked at me in amazement. Ted exclaimed, “My aren't you the perceptive one.” Julie laughed at that and blushed. “Does it show that bad?” she said.

“Yes, it does. Even I a mere 'it' can see that you two are madly in love with each other.” I said using Katherine's insult to denote an ignorance that wasn't there. “I think the two of you need to go somewhere and get a room before you embarrass us all.” I said teasing.

“Well, Cousin It. We just might on your suggestion.” Ted replied with a broad smile.

Mrs. Givens chimed in then, “I personally think that would be a great idea.” I thought she was paying attention to the business discussion, but it was obvious she was just making it look that way. She really, was watching the two of them. “You know I have been trying to get them to date for years, however they are both hard headed. A mother can only do so much.” she sighed. We all laughed over that. “Ted why don't you come with us to the mall tomorrow. We are going to the store to have Julie fitted for a bridesmaid dress and I'm sure that you won't mind taking care of the three sex crazed adolescent females while we get it done.”

“I don't know if I want to be left alone with those three.” he said. “I mean I feel like I'm being watched by a bunch of lionesses ready to pounce.”

“Oh come on surely you can handle a bunch of teenage girls.” teased Julie.

“Only if you give me a whip and a chair.” he said.

“How about a shepherds crook to whack them with from time to time.” said Julie.

“Isn't that what your Dad kept by the door and it didn't do all that much good.” he teased.

“I was a good girl. Dad only had to hit one or two boys with it.” said Julie with a feigned look of indignation.

“Oh yeah and why did he have those rose bushes planted under your window?” teased Mrs. Givens. “Diane let me just say that you had better not let me catch you doing some of the things she did.” and she winked at me.

“Oh don't worry I'm a good girl.” I said.

“I know how to get to you so you had better behave young lady.” teased Julie.

“Don't worry she's all bark and no bite.” teased Ted.

I really had to go to the bathroom so I excused myself and went in search of it. I found it about the time that Katherine came walking up. As I started to open the door, Katherine grabbed the handle and pulled it shut on me. “Shim’s go over there and she pointed to the men's room.” she hissed.

“Excuse me, I don't appreciate being called names.” I said.

“Listen you little fag. You may have all of the rest hoodwinked, but to me you are just a little pervert out to catch a free ride. Now get away from me or I will call the cops since it is against the law for males to use the women’s rest room.” Then she did something totally unacceptable, She spat on me.

I felt the anger riding up my back, but I held my composure and turned and walked back to the table. I took the napkin and wiped the spittle from the front of my dress and asked if they would mind if I stepped outside for a minute to get some fresh air. Julie looked at me and announced she would love some also and walked me outside. As we started to leave, Katherine came back to the table with a snide look on her face.

Once we were outside, she pulled me to where no one could hear. “Alright spill it. Now, young lady. What happened?” She had me by the shoulders and was looking me right in the eye. I was so close and liked being called a young lady, under different circumstances I would probably enjoy being this close to Julie, but not this time.

“I see why you don't like your brothers choice in women.” that was all I would say.

“Tell me what happened, honey.” She demanded.

I wished she wouldn't call me honey right then. I couldn't resist her when she did. So I told her what happened. She got angry, hell, she got fighting mad and was going to go back in and kick Katherine's butt. I stopped her and got her to calm down so it wouldn't upset the rest of them since they were having such a wonderful time. She calmed down and took me back inside to the bathroom and went in with me.

“I didn't know that you could get mad like that.” I said, when I got finished.

“I don't like to, but I really don't like it when someone picks on my friends.” she said. “By the way just tell them you felt a little warm and needed some fresh air when they ask.”

“Okay. Uh by the way can I kick her ass if I get alone with her again?” I said.

“No! You may not.” she said. “I will.” and she gave me that malevolent grin again.

At the table, Mrs. Givens asked me, “Sweetheart are you alright?”

“Yes mam I just got a little hot and had to have some cool air. I'm fine. Thank you for asking.” I said. Sally gave me an inquiring look, but I didn't say anything.

“You know the three of you have such wonderful manners. I don't know many girls your age that would answer like that. I think it is wonderful.” said Mrs. Givens.

“We are just doing like Ms. Givens has been teaching us.” Said Annie and she looked at Sally and myself and smiled.

I think they knew something happened because they turned all of their attention to Ted and Julie and completely ignored Katherine. Mrs. Givens also must have known something because she wouldn't even look Katherine's way.

Mr. Givens announced that it was way past our bedtime and got everybody up and headed to the door. Katherine was ahead of me and Julie moved up close behind her. I heard Julie say, “If you mistreat that child again I will tell Robert and Dad. Now I am going to have the dress cleaned and send you the bill and you had better pay it.” then she dropped back and walked over to where her Dad was paying the bill and tried to help pay it. Ted was there also. Her Dad told them to go on and swatted her away. Mr. Washington asked if he could help, but Mr. Givens laughed and told him no. He said that he wasn't going to let him claim it on his taxes as a business meeting. Mr. Washington laughed and thanked him and said he would give him a call this week to set up a meeting and left, but not before stopping to hug me good-bye.

Out in the parking lot. Mr. Givens announced that Ted and Julie were going to take the car back to the house or where ever they wound up. That got a resounding “Dad!” from Julie and snickers from us. Mr. Givens put Annie and Sally in the back but grabbed me and put me up front between he and Mrs. Givens who had a slightly panicked look on her face. Robert left with the witch to take her home. After Mr. Givens pulled out on the street, he started talking. “Diane, I know that you were born a boy, however I have to say you are the most well behaved young lady I have ever had the pleasure to meet as are the two of you. I wish you were my daughters. Oh and I know Ted is gay or he thinks he is, he doesn't know that I know, so Annie don't say a word, but when I see him with Julie it makes a Dad's heart so happy.” I heard a gasp from the back seat.

“Thank you sir.” I said.

“Now I want to know what happened when you went to the bathroom. You see I am not ignorant. I know that was spit you wiped off of your dress. So tell me what happened.” he ordered.

I told him what happened thinking I was going to be sent home. That would be the end of my happiness and he would probably demand that Julie resign and come home. When he didn't say anything, I just knew that I was out the door. Instead, I got the shock of my life when he put his arm around me and pulled me close and smiled. “You know I used to do this with Julie. I miss having a little girl in the house. It made things very interesting. Yes very interesting.” and he held me closer. I heard a sigh of relief from Mrs. Givens.

“You know Roger, you are a rascal.” said Mrs. Givens.

“Yes, Miranda I am and you love it.” he replied. Mrs. Givens laughed and swatted him on the arm. “Now I want to hear about this macho mouse at my daughter’s house.”

The three of us took turns telling him about Defiance and he just laughed and laughed. Annie finally said that she didn't know why he thought she would tell even though she didn't think Ted was gay. She thought he was hot and that if Julie didn't want him she would take him. Mrs. Givens said she had better wait a while and she had better not catch her trying to take him away. Annie complained and said “Okay, but remember I got dibs if she doesn't.”

I laughed at that and Mr. Givens said, “So, you do laugh and have a lighter side.”

Sally spoke up and said, “O yes sir, she has a wonderful sense of humor. I love it when she smiles, it lights up the whole room. That is why we are going to put her on the cheer leading squad for the rest of the year.” Annie poked her in the ribs and said “Shh.”

I turned around and looked at them. “Why you two sneaks why haven't you told me before now?”

“You can't let on because Carey wanted to tell you.” said Annie. “Big mouth here has let the cat out of the bag. So act surprised when she tells you.”

“Oh I can't wait. It will be so much fun. You are going to have to teach me all of the cheers. Wait I don't know how to dance. How am I going to do the dance routines. And what am I going to wear? Has she thought all of this through?” I said.

“Oh yeah she's thought it all through so don't worry and our sponsor teacher is actually excited to have you. She thinks you are cool. So don't worry we are going to teach you everything you need to know. Oh and you aren't going to be the only boy there Joey Griffith and Sam Adams are going to be there also.” Said Sally.

“Great Joey and Sam are cool.” I said.

“So does this mean you will be coming back to school now. Listen I know that Ms. G. told us not to talk about it, but I miss you and I want you back. School is so dull without you. I know you have had a really rotten time lately and all but, you are loved and missed. We will do whatever it takes to make things smoother for you. Shoot, Annie can have Ted I want you, no matter how you are dressed. I have fallen in love with you as a friend so please come back.” said Sally. “Besides I think you would look cute in a cheerleader outfit what with those legs and all.”

Mr. Givens said, “Diane you might as well give in they aren't going to let you alone. The one thing I have learned is that when a woman sets her mind to it a man doesn't have a chance. Isn't that right honey?” Mrs. Givens just smiled with the same malevolent smile that Julie has. So that was where it came from. “I'm glad my dad didn't plant roses under my window.” she said.

When we got to the house Mrs. Givens shooed us all upstairs and made us put our pj's on and brush our teeth. I had forgotten how nice it was to have a sink with running water and tooth paste to brush my teeth with. When I looked in the suitcase for pj's I found a really cute pink nightgown and robe. I put them on and went over to Annie and Sally's room. They had these long sleep shirts and big fluffy slippers. They decided that my toes needed some decoration so they pulled out a bottle of bright red nail polish and painted my toes. Then it was Sally's turn to get hers done. Annie already had hers painted and they looked great. We talked and giggled for a while until Mrs. Givens came up and made us go to bed. I said good night to them and walked over to my room and started to make a bed on the little couch she had in the room. Mrs. Givens came in and made me get in the bed and she wouldn't take no for an answer. I was sound to sleep when Julie came in. She put on her nightgown and got in beside me. Then she pulled me close and went to sleep.

Chapter 15

The next morning I woke up when it was just getting light enough to see. I got up carefully so I wouldn't wake Julie and put my jeans on and a blouse. I went down stairs and did my exercises in the back yard until Robert came out in a pair of jogging pants and a t-shirt. He joined in and did the same exercises with me and corrected me on some of the things I was doing wrong.

“I do the same kata's every day. It makes me much more focused and alert. I also have to say that I feel alive when I do them. So where do you take lessons?” he asked.

I just held up my book and showed it to him. “Are you kidding me. You have learned that much from a book?” he exclaimed.

“Yes sir. That is where I have learned what I know. I practice every day though. ” I said.

He shook his head and said. “Amazing. Come on that's enough let's go get something to eat before Sarah gets here and won't let us in her kitchen.”

He fixed me two eggs and bacon with toast. It was great. I can't tell you how long it had been since I had breakfast. He fixed some coffee and noticed that I was watching him pour a cup for himself, “Would you like a cup of coffee?”

“Yes please.” I said. And he poured me a cup also. I savored the aroma and sipped it slowly letting the warm liquid go down. I loved coffee, but that was also something that I hadn't been able to have in a while. I suddenly realized that there were a lot of things I had to live without now and I started to feel sad. Somehow, I had to improve my situation to continue to live. I was absolutely dirt poor and living on turnips and turnip greens that I sneaked out of the garden and ate raw and they weren't going to keep me going. I needed a place to get clean and a place to cook a hot meal every now and then, but how I was going to do it. I was going to have to think about it.

“Diane I need to apologize for the way Katherine treated you last night.” said Robert. “I want you to know that we had a serious discussion about her behavior and I told her that I didn't appreciate it at all. She is supposed to apologize to you today and if she doesn't, then I do believe that the wedding is in jeopardy. I won't marry a hate monger.” He said.

“Thank you and I am sorry that I caused you this trouble.” I said. “How did you find out about it anyway?”

“I knew that something happened as soon as you got back to the table. I saw the spit on your dress and knew immediately that someone had insulted you. But I knew that no one else had reason to insult you and when Katherine came back and had a smug look on her face I knew what had happened.” She is supposed to be here about ten thirty or eleven. I don't know if she is coming or not but if she doesn't then I am going to tell the family that the wedding is off. Like I said, I can't marry a hate monger. No matter how much I think I love her.” he said.

He sat down on the couch and picked up the paper and started reading it. I could tell that he was upset about the incident. There was a sad look on his face that spoke volumes. I hoped that he wouldn’t hold it against me though. I was looking at the business section reading the agriculture articles when I came across an article about a small company that was going to split its stock two for one. “Excuse me. Do you know what it means to split a stock two for one?” I asked.

Robert stopped and looked at me funny. “Where did you see that?” so I showed him. He read the article and looked on the stock listings. I thought he had gone nuts he took the paper and went to the phone. “Stan tell me what you know about a company called Station. Yeah I know it's early, but Diane just found an article in the paper that says they are going to split their stock two for one. No, I'm not kidding. Yeah I'll wait while you get your paper.” he turned to me and gave me a thumbs up. I really thought he was nuts then. “Yeah I'm still here. It's in section C on the third page at the bottom under an article about farm commodities prices. Yeah that's it. That's right Diane found it. Sure, I guess that I can get Dad to go with me this morning and meet you at his office. Say about nine. Okay see you then.” He hung up the phone and turned to me and had a funny look in his eye, then he grabbed me and gave a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. I knew then that he really had gone nuts.

He took off upstairs and I could hear him waking up his Dad. Apparently, Mr. Givens wanted to sleep in on the weekends but Robert wasn't going to let that happen today. Then both of them came out and started getting ready to go. I was upset because not only did he take the agriculture section but the comics were in that section. So I sat back and drank the rest of my coffee. I poured another cup and had just sat down when Mr. Givens came through and took it from me saying, “young ladies don't need to drink coffee.” and he kissed me on the top of the head. “Robert come on I don't want to miss this opportunity.”

“I'm coming, I'm coming.” he said as he came through the door. I had gotten another cup and had poured myself another cup of coffee. When he ran up to me and took it from me. “Dad said young ladies don't need to drink coffee and he kissed me on the top of the head and ran out the door after his father. I gave up on trying to have a second cup and went into the living room and started reading the fashion section. I didn't like what I saw.

Some designer was using something called polyester, a man-made fiber, to make men's clothes. It was supposed to be as durable as cotton but was lighter and could be made into complex patterns by printing the patterns on to the fabric instead of having to weave the different colors into a pattern in the cloth. If it caught on it could have a devastating effect on cotton prices. The good thing that I got out of the paper was that a couple of fast food chains were going to have to increase the amount of beef needed to satisfy customer demand. Along with the need for more potatoes, tomatoes, lettuce and onions they used in the production of their sandwiches. Hm if I had a hundred acres of land, I could grow those and maybe make a nice profit. I would have to talk to Uncle Will about it.

Mrs. Givens came down stairs and found me reading the paper. I had just about gone through the entire fashion section when she approached, “Hey honey, how long have you been up?”

“I guess that I have been up about an hour and a half. Robert showed me that my exercises are called kata's and corrected some of the little things I have been doing wrong. Oh and he is a good cook, he made me some eggs and bacon and I got one cup of coffee before Mr. Givens and Robert took the second one away from me as they ran out the door.” I said.

“Young ladies don't need to be drinking coffee.” She said as she sipped a cup of coffee. She sat down next to me on the couch and put her arms around me and pulled me in close. She was warm and soft in her robe and she just sat there with me. “So what was all the hubbub about this morning? I've never seen them so excited this early on a weekend in ages.”

“I don't really know. I was reading the agriculture section of the paper and saw a one-paragraph article about a company called Station that was going to split its stock two for one this week and Robert went nuts. He called Mr. Washington and then ran upstairs and got Mr. Givens up and they ran out the door and Mr. Givens took my coffee.” I said.

Mrs. Givens had a serious look on her face and she asked. “Diane what is your given name?”

“Dennis, Ms. Givens gave the name of Diane to me.” I said.

“Does anybody else know about how you feel? I mean about wanting to be a girl.”

“No mam, as far as I know no one knows.”

“Your parents don't know? How could they not know you are showing quite a bit now and in a little while, you are going to really be showing. They should be able to tell when they hug you.”

“I can't remember the last time my Mom hugged me and I don't remember my Dad ever hugging me except when he was drunk.” I was starting to tear up and I really didn't want to continue the conversation, but I wasn't going to be rude. Our family had never been a touchy feely kind, but it seemed as though it is important in this family.

“You have a brother don't you? An older brother? Do they hug him?”

“Yes mam, they hug him a lot. He's really the only one that stands up for me. He has stopped a couple of beatings that I was getting and stood up to both Mom and Dad.”

“So they show him affection but not you?”

“Yes, Mam.” I had picked up a paper napkin in the kitchen and now I was wiping my eyes and nose with it. All I ever wanted was a hug every now and then from my Mom, but now she won't even talk to me. I guess that she is ashamed of me since I shot those two. Now I live in a hayloft and I struggle to find enough to eat and stay warm. Last night was the best sleep that I can remember in a warm and soft bed. Now I'm being held by someone who seems to care. Why can't I get that from my own parents.

“Who looks after you? How do you live?”

“My Uncle comes by and checks on me. He seems to really care, but I'm different and I don't think he knows exactly how to deal with me. I think he knows that something is happening to my body but he doesn't know what to do.”

“Do you really live in a barn? And sleep in a hayloft? How do you keep clean and how do you keep your clothes clean?”

I hung my head and mumbled quietly. “Yes mam. I live in the barn and I don't have access to a bath or washing machine. I was using the washing machine in the washhouse to clean my clothes but Mom found out and had Ralph tell me that I couldn't use it any more. So now I use the hydrant in the tractor yard to rinse out my clothes and kind of wash off as best I can.”

“Are you ashamed to be living that way?”

“Wouldn't you? I stay smelly and dirty all the time. My hair is always oily and greasy. I usually have hay stuck in it and in my clothes. I stay cold all the time and hungry. I'm not thirsty because I drink as much water as I can hold to offset the lack of food. Last night when Sally told me about them letting me on the squad I was so excited, but as I think about it I have to refuse because I can't come to the games filthy like I always am. I really was looking forward to it. I can't go back to school because they would send me home to take a bath before I could come back and I don't have a bath to use.” The tears were pouring now. I really felt ashamed because I thought I was just using them for a free ride. “I’m sorry I shouldn’t be talking about me.”

Mrs. Givens held me tight and let me cry it out. She took the napkin and wiped away my tears. “Diane, I didn't mean to make you cry, I am so sorry, honey. I want you to talk to Ted today at the Mall while Julie is being fitted. He is a good Doctor and he can help. So how about talking to him? For me okay?”

“I may not get the chance.”

“Oh, why not?” she asked.

“According to Robert, Katherine has to come over here this morning and apologize or he is going to call off the wedding if she doesn't show.” I said.

“Hmpf that would be fine with me. I thought all along that he has had blinders on about her. I hope he has had his eyes opened. So why wouldn't you get a chance to talk to him?” she said.

“Didn't you see the way Ms. Givens and Mr. Ross were looking at each other last night, I have the feeling that they are going to be inseparable after last night. If he's gay then I'm the pope.” I said. “Mrs. Givens I just want to thank you for all that you have done and I hope that you don't think I'm just trying to get a free ride out of you.”

“Why of course not! Where did you get an idea like that?” she demanded.

“That's what Katherine said last night right after she called me a 'shim' and spit on me.” I said.

“Honey, I want you to know that I wanted Julie to bring you. You are all she has talked about and she is so excited to see you smile and that I wanted to see you. As far as a free ride, No! I have loved picking out clothes for you. If you want me to stop, say so. I won't like it and I may not even stop if you say so. So throw that free ride thing out right now. Do you understand?”

“Yes mam. I understand.” I said.

“Now you are not going to look like a vagabond here so go upstairs and take a shower and put on something nice. If you look in the closet, I think you might find something that you will like. Go on and get cleaned up.” she hugged me tight and kissed me on the forehead and brushed my hair back out of my face revealing the scar and when she did, I heard her go “Oh my.” but she didn't ask anything about it, she just looked at it for a minute and pushed my hair back down over it.

I went upstairs to get some clean clothes and Julie was still asleep. I was curious though about what was in the closet. So I went in and found that Mrs. Givens had placed several dresses and outfits in there with shoes and accessories for me, I knew because she had tagged them with my name that was when I realized that she had arranged the room assignments before we arrived. I picked out a blouse and skirt that would go well with my saddle oxfords and picked out some under wear and went to the bathroom. I found that it had a shower and had shampoo and conditioner for my hair in it. I thought I had seen some big bathrooms but this one was huge and it also had a tub with these vents for water jets, I was going to have to try that. I got a shower and when I stepped out Sally, was there brushing her teeth. I had a towel around me and stepped back into the shower so Sally couldn't see me and dried off quickly. I just wasn't comfortable with being undressed around them even though I was supposed to be a girl. I put my panties and bra on and pulled the skirt and blouse on and walked out with the towel around my head. I brushed my teeth and was finishing up when I saw Sally naked in the mirror getting into the shower. I practically ran out of the bathroom.

I finished getting dressed in the bedroom, but I didn't put any make up on. I really liked the outfit, it was a corduroy beige skirt and a pink blouse. I put on a pair of white knee socks and my shoes. I took my watch out of my purse and put it on. I felt lost without it, then I sat down and brushed my hair out. “You look nice honey.” said Julie.

“Good morning.” I said. “What time did you get in last night?” I asked in a nosy manner.

“None of your business, besides if you weren't such a sound sleeper you would have known.” she replied and snickered. She had a big smile on her face as she laid back on the bed with her hands behind her head.

I ran over and jumped in beside her, “So did you make out with Ted?” I asked.

“Why you little booger!” She said and grabbed me and pulled me close. “And what if I did?”

“Well he might get a little jealous if he knew I was laying here in the bed with you.”

“Yes he might, but it would do him some good. I think.”

Sally and Annie came in then and jumped on Ms. Givens and started asking a million questions about what she and Ted did last night. Ms. Givens said she wasn't going to kiss and tell so we might as well stop asking. “So you did KISS. Is he a good kisser.” asked Annie. “I'll bet you did more than just kiss didn't you.” said Sally. “So are you going to see him again? Are you going to kiss him again?” Sally asked with a smirk.

“Out, all three of you OUT! And just for the record, I have a date to see him today. So there.” said Ms. Givens in exasperation and she pushed us all out onto the floor. That was when her Mother came in and shooed us all out and told me to brush Sally's hair for her while Annie takes a shower. Then she shut the door and we heard Ms. Givens shout, “Moootttheeerrr really!” We all giggled and ran back into Annie's and Sally's room. Mrs. Givens came in and winked at us and walked out humming the wedding march. The three of us burst out laughing. Ms. Givens came in and told us to hush and we all started humming the wedding march. Then she took off down the hall calling for her mother. She was all red faced and was stammering. It was hilarious.

I picked up a brush and started on Sally's hair. Annie was behind me and she took off her nightie and panties and walked up beside me and started picking out her clothes for the day. I was terribly uncomfortable and I guess that it showed because Annie came up to me and asked. “Diane is something wrong?”

“Well, to be honest I am a little embarrassed to see you naked. I mean do you think that it is OK to be naked in front of me?” I could feel my cheeks burning. I wondered if the girls just considered me another girl or a homosexual guy in a dress that wouldn’t do anything to them. Then I thought maybe they are testing me to see how I would react, either way I was very uncomfortable with it.

She looked at me and started laughing, then she came over and hugged me tight. “Girlfriend, you are as much a girl as we are and I don't see any problem with it.” Then she picked up her clothes and put on her robe and walked back over to me and kissed me. Sally pushed her away and said, “Beat it hussy she's mine.”

“I just wanted to find out if you were right about her having the softest lips.” and she walked out.

“And don't you get any ideas either.” ordered Sally as she stared daggers at me while I sat there stunned.

I held up my hands in surrender, “Don't worry she is Gil's all the way. By the way what have you told her?” I demanded. Sally just grinned and wouldn’t answer the question.

I helped Sally pick out something out of her suitcase and then out of curiosity I went into the closet. Sure enough, there were several outfits hanging in there with their names on them. I grabbed Sally who was still trying to decide and pulled her into the closet with me. She stood there with her mouth open and was looking at all of the clothes. I pulled a skirt and blouse out and held them up to her. She started tearing up and I held her tight. Then she pulled away and ran down the hall to Ms. Givens and asked, “Are all those clothes for us?”

“Oh I forgot to tell you. Mom had been shopping and got all three of you, new outfits to wear. I hope you like them.” she replied.

“Like them I love them. Can we wear them today?” asked Sally.

“Sure that's what she got them for.” answered Ms. Givens.

Sally and I ran back to her room and she started looking through the clothes and she picked out a really nice dress to wear. She took her robe off and had me to help her try it on. It was a perfect fit and she looked heavenly in it. Then she saw the shoes and really went wild. Annie came back from the shower and looked in the closet to see what was going on. Sally told her that they were theirs. Annie started squealing in joy then she began looking through them and picked out one that was beautiful. They both got dressed and the three of us went downstairs where we found Mrs. Givens in the kitchen and we all grabbed her and told her thank you for the clothes.

“You are more than welcome. I hope you like them, those are our latest line of girl’s clothing and I love them too. So what do you think of them?” she said.

“We love them.” We all squealed and hugged Mrs. Givens.

“So how did you know our sizes?” asked Sally.

“Sweetie, Julie had to earn her way by working in the store. And she can judge sizes better than anyone I know.” said Mrs. Givens.

“Wow, you mean she had to earn her own spending money?” asked Annie.

“Yes mam, just like you do. I'm sure that during the farming season Diane will be doing the same thing. And the two of you earn money doing chores around the house. So would you like some breakfast. I gave Sarah a paid day off so I could practice my cooking.”

“Do you like pancakes?” I asked.

“I love them would you like me to make some for you?” said Mrs. Givens.

“No, I make the best pancakes in town. How about if we make them for you?” I said.

“That would be wonderful. Julie says you can prop a door open with my pancakes anyway. I'll get what you will need out and you can go to it. Just stay out of the coffee.” she said.

“Yes mam.” we said and we each put on an apron and I made the pancakes. They must have been a hit because they ate them all. When Annie and Sally saw that I wasn't joining them I had to tell them that a hot guy made me breakfast. Then Annie put one and one together and figured out that Robert had made me breakfast and was green with envy.

“Mother, you need to take lessons from Diane on how to make these. They are so lite and fluffy and they won't hold open a door.” said Julie.

“Okay, okay so I'm not the best cook but I am the best looking while trying.” and we all laughed, I had to agree. She was as beautiful as her daughter, slender very few wrinkles and a fantastic figure. She had a few gray hairs but they just made her look even more beautiful. “So how did you get them so lite and fluffy? You used the same things that I use to cook with, but yours turned out great.”

“I watch the consistency of the batter and adjust it accordingly. I don't want it so thick that it makes them tough and I don't want it thin because they will come out flat. It needs to be in the middle and when you pour the batter into the pan you make a swirl pattern that seems to help also.” I said. “Oh and I put two tablespoons of sugar in the batter to give it a little sweetness.”

“Is there anything you can't do?” asked Mrs. Givens.

“Make money.” I replied.

“Making money isn't everything.” Mrs. Givens said.

“It would be nice. I have four years to go before I can start being a part of the farm management. Then I can start making a living and get a part of the profits. I am concerned though about the future of farming. I noticed that a new fiber is being used by the fashion industry and if that happens then you can bet cotton will take a nose dive.” I said.

“Why does a new fiber concern you?” asked Ms. Givens. “There will always be a need for cotton especially in the fashion industry to make blue jeans and such.”

“Yes mam there will always be a need for cotton but in what quantity is the important question. I know that blue jeans will always be in fashion, however the thing that really makes money is when it is used for other things. I am already seeing that nylon is being used more and more by the military and they had always been a major user of cotton fabrics. Right now, they are using synthetic fibers in their load bearing equipment because it doesn't rot in wet environments. If the fashion industry starts making clothes out of synthetic fibers that are more flexible and more attractive, then the cotton prices will fall.” I said.

“Diane you seem to have a firm grasp of marketing. How do you do it?” asked Ms. Givens.

“Remember I have been living on the farm for eight years and I read all the agriculture magazines and articles I can get my hands on.” I said.

“What would you do to make sure that a decline in prices didn't negatively affect the survival of the farm?” asked Mrs. Givens. Sally and Annie had a look of being impressed.

“I would diversify the crops or find a way to improve the yield to offset the loss. I saw where a company in California has developed a tomato that can be picked using a mechanical picker. That would increase the amount of profit in growing them. You see vegetables are currently a very labor intensive crop and having the labor generally requires using immigrant labor since the current labor force available is inadequate for the needs of a farmer growing vegetables in this area.” I said. “Also the use of a two crop system on the same acreage would be a plus. I would like to plant winter wheat and a short growing season soybean. My Uncle doesn't want to do that because of the cost, but I don't think that he has realized that the total profit would be about twenty percent more than what we are realizing from the current single crop.”

“You are an amazing young lady. Well let's get the dishes washed. Roger and Robert should be back soon.” Said Mrs. Givens. We all got up and took the dishes to the kitchen and I put on an apron and ran some water in the sink. Sally put on another one and I washed and she dried. Annie cleaned off the stove and all of the counter tops. It didn't take us long to do it and as we were finishing up the men came back.

Mr. Givens came in and asked, “Miranda, what's for breakfast?”

“We had pancakes.” said Mrs. Givens.

“You didn't cook them did you?” he asked.

“What did you mean by that?” she demanded.

“Well you are a wonderful partner and a wonderful business person, but cooking isn't your forte. So who cooked?” he asked.

“Diane and she is a fabulous cook, but you are too late and you took her coffee. So you get toast if you can figure out how to work the toaster.” said Mrs. Givens.

“Hmm do you think I could talk her into fixing something for me? Diane? Oh there you are. Could I talk you into cooking me a little breakfast?” asked Mr. Givens.

“Uh, yes sir. I don't see why not.” I replied.

“Oh no you don't. Diane, you and the girls just got through cleaning up the kitchen and he did take your coffee so you three have a seat and relax until we get ready to go. I'll fix his breakfast.” said Mrs. Givens.

“Yes mam.” We all said. Mr. Givens rolled his eyes and sighed in surrender.

At eleven o'clock Mrs. Givens announced that it was time to go and we all got up to leave. Robert was obviously unhappy and said he was going to catch up with us later. I knew he was hoping that Katherine would come, although I think he knew it wasn't going to happen and was very unhappy. Mr. Givens told him he would stay at the house with him. The three of us girls were sent out to the back yard and even though they thought, we couldn't hear we could still hear what was said.

“Mother, Julie don't worry about the fittings. I am calling off the wedding.” said Robert. “Last night was an eye opening experience and she hasn't made any effort to call or come by so as far as I'm concerned the wedding is off.”

“Robert give her a chance. She might come around, we will go ahead with the fitting There's time to cancel it later. I know that what she did was uncalled for, but I wonder if she was just not prepared for the occasion.” said Mrs. Givens.

“Mom, we had a long talk last night and she said she wouldn't have anything to do with Diane and she didn't approve of the way we were treating her. Like there was nothing wrong with the way, she was acting. Katherine told me she was never going to apologize and had no intentions to marry me if I insisted on her apologizing. So as far as I'm concerned the wedding is off. I think that Diane is a wonderful and very special person that deserves our friendship. I don't think that she is here for a free ride and I don't think she is a freak. I won't allow anybody to abuse her either.”

“Well son, I'm sorry this happened, but it might be for the best. Although I have to agree with your Mother, they should go ahead with the fitting and give the two of you time to work this out.” Said Mr. Givens.

“Okay Dad and Mom I'll go along with you on this, but if she doesn't come around soon I'm going to officially call off the wedding.” said Robert.

“All right sweetheart. We will respect you and support you in whatever decision you make.” said Mrs. Givens and she got up and gave him a big hug.

“So you haven't said anything Julie.” said Robert.

“Robert, I agree with you and with Mother and Father and whatever you decide will be fine with me. Now I think we had better get the girls in before they freeze out there and we have to get someone to unstick their ears from the door.” replied Julie.

Chapter 16

The ride to the mall was upbeat even though both Mrs. Givens and Julie seemed very preoccupied. I was in the middle in the back flanked by Annie and Sally who were talking about where they wanted to go in the mall. I was wondering if Katherine had been raised by parents like mine because they say things like that a lot. Then I got to wondering if I was just along for a free ride. I didn't think so since I really didn't plan on coming it just seemed to happen. To try and take advantage of the situation wasn't in me at all. I have learned the value of a dollar and wasn't going to take anything that didn't belong to me. However I thought, I have clothes on that I didn't buy and was going to a mall with nothing in my pocket. Shoot, I don't have any pockets in this outfit, but I did have a purse and all it had was a lipstick and a compact in it. I am going to have to talk to Ms. Givens about giving all of this back and start trying to make my own way.

At the mall, I suddenly started to feel very exposed and vulnerable as we walked up to the doors. I stopped and stood there looking at them like I was walking into the mouth of a giant alligator that was going to swallow me whole and I would be gone. Ms. Givens turned around when she realized that I wasn’t with the rest of them. “Diane? What's wrong?” she asked.

“What if I am spotted and someone recognizes me as a boy? What will they say and what will I do?” I said shakily. Thinking the whole time, this was a mistake.

“Honey, don't worry no one will see you as a boy. You look totally like a beautiful young lady. And we will be with you the whole time. So don't worry about it and come on in and have a good time. By the way I want you to put this in your purse.” and she took out a twenty dollar bill and handed it to me.

“I can't accept that.” I said.

“And why not!” said Ms. Givens.

“I don't want it to seem like I'm here for a free ride.” I said. “I don't want to seem ungrateful or anything like that but I just don't feel right taking it.”

“Diane Allen this is not charity and I don't want you feeling like it is.” exclaimed Ms. Givens. “I will not let you go in there without a penny in your pocket. Now you take this and put it in your purse or I am going cry.”

Talk about surprised. I didn't expect that at all. “Okay, Ms. Givens, just don't start crying. Your make up will run and I don't think I can handle that.” I joked trying to break the tension.

“Come on then. We have to be in the store in five minutes. Oh and I will not have you calling me Ms. Givens at my parent’s house. So just buck up and call me Julie or I will have you writing poems for a month, standing up.” and she smiled that malevolent smile she has.

I believed that she meant it. I was seeing a side of her that was almost exciting. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Yes you may.” she said.

“Why did your Father plant rose bushes under your window?” I asked.

“Well, let's just say it wasn't to keep me in.” She said and winked.

When we got to the store where she was going to be fitted, I noticed that it was named Givens. “Is this your Fathers store?” I asked.

“Yes it is and I have worked in every department in it. Over there is the women’s department and back there is the shoe department and upstairs is the men’s departments. Come on I'll show you my favorite department.” and she took us to the perfume and make up departments. We didn't get to stay long though since she had to go to the bridal department.

Mrs. Givens and Julie went into the back with one of the clerks and left us to wait for them. A lady with a clipboard came out looking rather harried and worried. When she saw us standing there she came up to us and said. “You must be the three angels they told me were coming.” But before we could say anything, she said. “Well don't just stand there. Move it you're late.” and she pushed us into the back. “Alright change into these and get out onto the stage. The director will show you what to do.” and she gave us each an angel outfit.

We gave each other a what now look and I shrugged and started getting undressed. Sally and Annie followed suit and we put on the angel outfits and walked out onto the stage where a man was positioning several other people there. A movie camera was out front along with several people operating different types of equipment. He saw us and came over and grabbed us and led us out to the center of the stage.

“Now listen girls I want you to look as angelic as you can although you look fabulous now. Here are your props, I want you to pretend you are strumming these harps. And smile.” He said and walked away in a definitely feminine manner.

We did that for a while as the others came and went wearing different Christmas outfits. Then he came back and told us that he needed us to go back and put on the clothes that were being prepared for us. So we went back into the dressing room and were each given an outfit to put on. I got a red party dress with white lace around the neck and cuffs and a pair of white ankle socks with lace on them and black patent flats that had a little bow on the toe. Each of the others also had Christmas frocks and they looked awesome in them. We were made to sit in front of a mirror and a lady put make up on us. She said that we didn't need a lot and she used it sparingly. That made Annie and Sally look even better. Another lady did our hair and put a head band with a bow on it in mine. We were having such a great time that we forgot to mention that, we weren't professional models and that we weren't the ones that were supposed to be there.

Back on stage, the director sashayed over to us proclaiming that we were perfect. Then had us standing in front of the camera pretending to be looking at various boxes that were wrapped with Christmas wrapping paper. “You know shake them and giggle a lot like you are trying to figure out what you have gotten for Christmas.” he said.

We didn't have any speaking parts so it was easy. I giggled and laughed like the other two through about six wardrobe changes. I guess that about the second one I realized that Mrs. Givens and Julie didn't know where we were so I asked the lady with the clip board if she could get a message to them.

“Why sure sweetheart. What is your name again?” she asked. “Uh, I don't have you down as one of the angels. I wonder if the ones that were supposed to be here couldn't make it? What are the other two's names?” and Sally and Annie told her. She went off and came back in a few minutes while we on stage again. I saw her talking to the director who suddenly had a startled look on his face.

Then Mrs. Givens came in from the back and walked up to the director. They had a short conversation and he continued on. I would have guessed that he would have stopped everything and thrown us out, but he just smiled and we kept right on. They got Mrs. Givens a chair and set it right next to the director who seemed to be glad to have her there. After the last wardrobe change and shoot, we went back and changed back into our original clothes.

Mrs. Givens was waiting for us and Julie had come in sometime during the shoot and was sitting next to her Mother. Both had large smiles on their faces. “We leave you alone for a few minutes and you go and get into a commercial shoot. What are we to do with you?” said Mrs. Givens with an even bigger smile.

“You know Mother I can think of several things and they all require not being able to sit to do them.” teased Julie with a smile. “Come here you three.” and she gave us a big hug. You know this family liked to hug a lot. “All three of you were spectacular and the director wants to know if you would consent to doing some more work for him? I personally think it would be great if you did.”

“I do too.” exclaimed Mrs. Givens. “The director seems to be taken with all three of you. Especially you Sally. So how about it? You will be paid for your work and you will get to do a little traveling. I can call your parents and tell them about it if you would like?”

We all squealed with delight and said yes. Annie wanted to know how much she would make. Always the pragmatic one. She took the lead and started asking a lot of questions about how much time it would take and what we would have to do. The director came over and answered as many of her questions as he could and then he turned us over to lady with the clipboard who at last introduced herself. “Well, girls I couldn't have made a better mistake. You were fantastic. All three of you are so photogenic the camera just loves you and so does Mr. Saddler. By the way, my name is Dorothy Stein and I am the office manager for the film company and I have some paperwork for you and your parents to sign. Now make sure you get them signed and mail them back to me as soon as possible. I am going to give them to Mrs. Givens here to keep so they don't get lost. And once again, I am so glad you showed up you all were wonderful. And thank you, Mrs. Givens for letting us work for you. I hope you will consider us again in the future.” she said and gave Mrs. Givens a handful of papers for us.

We were getting ready to walk out when Ms. Stein stopped me and pulled me aside and in low voice she said. “Diane, I noticed that you were a little different from the other two and I asked Mrs. Givens about it and she said you were born a male. I want you to know that it doesn't make a hill of beans with us here and I would really like to have you back again. Please.”

“Thank you, I hope it won't cause any problems.” I said.

“I can't foresee a single one at all. You really are quite beautiful after all.” she said.

I caught up with the rest of them and we went down to the restaurant in the mall and had lunch. While we were there, Julie asked me what Ms. Stein wanted and I told her. Annie said that was what she had been saying all along and Sally agreed and added that I should think about dressing this way all the time. I was stunned by that, I had not even considered it, well maybe I had.

Annie and Sally drug us all through the mall and tried on everything they could. We walked past a tobacco shop and I saw a rack of newspapers in it and went in and got one and a business newspaper. At one of the stops, I sat outside and read the rest of the business section of the paper that I had started that morning and started looking through the other one. I knew that I was going to have to go to the library and look up some of the things that they talked about, but it was interesting.

We had gone through the entire mall and I thought we were through but Mrs. Givens announced that we had to go back to Givens and see if they had Julies dress ready and to get a few more things. “Yeah we want to see you in your dress.” said Sally.

“Trust me. You really don't.” muttered Julie.

“Why?” I asked.

“You'll see.” she said.

In the store, Julie went and put on the dress and came out and stood on a little podium in front of us. She was right, it wasn't very flattering and Annie being Annie told her so. “Ms. G. that is terrible. I mean the color is what? A baby poop yellow or green. You look like you should be flagging traffic in that.”

“Tell me about it. And what is this big flower looking thing on the shoulder. Mother she is right it is terrible.” said Julie.

Mrs. Givens hadn't said a word. She was standing there with her hand over her mouth in shock. She walked all around Julie and finally turned to the clerk and asked. “Are you sure this is what Katherine specified?”

The clerk drew in a deep breath and said. “Unfortunately it is. I checked the order twice before I had it made. And I have to say I agree with the young lady here. It is TERRIBLE. I would like to lose the order if I may.”

“Please do and get rid of any of the material left.” ordered Mrs. Givens. “And don't worry you won't get into any trouble about it. Julie get that hideous thing off so we can go. I have to talk to Roger about this.”

“Mrs. Givens what do I do with this dress?” asked the clerk.

“Burn it! Although be careful when you do, it might blow up.” said Mrs. Givens.

“Yesss mam.” replied the clerk.

We left that area of the store after Julie got changed and Mrs. Givens took us over to the girls section and started looking through the racks. She had us to try on about three dresses apiece. They were very conservative types like you see on the girls in church. She picked out the ones she liked and then she took us to the shoe department and we went through the same ritual. Mrs. Givens picked out pumps with a one and a half inch heels on them and then we got purses to go with the outfit.

“You are going to be the most adorable girls in church tomorrow. Now, we need to get you coats to go with these because you can't wear these and the coats you brought with you to church.” So away, she took us. We all said we couldn't accept them because they cost so much but she wouldn't hear of it.
We knew when we were beat so we accepted them and thanked her.

Back at the house, we found the guys waiting for us with Ted who jumped up when Julie walked into the room. Mrs. Givens sent them out to get the packages and bring them in. Mr. Givens wanted to know where Julies bridesmaid dress was and Mrs. Givens told him she had it burned and that she wasn't going to let her daughter be seen out in public in a dress like that. Julie suddenly asked us if we knew how to play pool and drug us out to the den in the back of the house and shut the door. Ted came along with her without asking. We could hear a heated discussion coming from the living room. Julie and Ted racked up the balls and picked out some cues for us. Annie did the break and got three balls in. Then she ran the table. Sally leaned over close to Ted and told him she had been playing for years since her father put one in their house. Ted muttered something about reminding him not to bet against her.

Sally was the next to break and flubbed the shot. Ted got behind her and was showing here how to do it. He was in real close and had his hands on hers guiding the cue. That was when I saw Sally look at me and wink. Annie was standing behind Julie and was stifling a laugh. That stinker, she did it on purpose. Then came my turn and while I had played once or twice I wasn't that great. Ted got in behind me and helped me with my shot. I started to see why Sally had flubbed her shot. We played like that for a while with Sally pretending to need help all the time and me trying my best to not need help. Then Mr. and Mrs. Givens and Robert came in and watched for a while. Finally, Mr. Givens proclaimed Annie to be a pool shark. Then he asked if we would like to stay in and have pizza delivered. We all exclaimed that would be great. He went and ordered the pizza and we sat down and Mrs. Givens turned on the TV. We ate pizza and watched TV. Ted asked me to come with him for a few minutes. I kind of knew what was coming.

We went in to the living room and I sat down in one of the chairs across from him. “Diane. Julie wants me to talk to you. Do you mind talking to me?”

“No sir, I don't mind.” I said, however I really didn't want to talk about me because it just made me feel sad.

“Tell me how long have you wanted to be a girl?”

“I have always wanted to be a girl. I really don't remember a day when I wanted to be a boy.” I said surprised at my sudden burst of honesty about something that I had never admitted to even to my self.

“Have you told your parents that?”

“Heavens no. They would have beat me senseless if I had.”

“Why? Do they not believe in what you are doing or approve?”

“I haven’t told them about it as a matter of a fact they don’t know about what I am doing here right now. They are very conservative and Dad really talks bad about homosexuals. He says that I should be a gigolo or a police officer. He puts them both in the same category, kind of low on the social totem pole.” I said.

“So does he approve of your appearance?”

“No sir, Not at all.”

“Do you think you are a homosexual?”

“No sir! I don't. I don't even like boys as a rule. I do like Sally and she has kissed me and it feels wonderful. I get a warm and fuzzy feeling when she does.” I was smiling and didn't even know it.

“Tell me about what happened at your house the other day.” he said.

“Tell you about what?” I said.

“I understand you got shot.”

“Do I have to tell you about that?” I asked. I was starting to squirm around in the chair. I really didn't want to relive that night or the next few days after that. My leg started hurting, I had just about blocked it out and I didn't want the pain to come back. Last night was the first night since I killed those thugs that I didn’t have a nightmare about it and I was just beginning to feel good again. I didn’t want to remember all of that while I was here. I mean I was having a great time today and tonight now this. I must have been rubbing my leg where the wound was because he noticed.

“Is that where you got shot?”

“Yes sir.” I said.

“Does it hurt a lot?”

“No, not unless I think about it.” I replied.

“Did you think you were going to die?”

“No sir.”

“But you don't want to talk about it. I think you do and you won't admit it. Isn't that right?” he said.

“I'm afraid that if I do the pain will come back. I mean it wasn't too scary that night, but the next day I got real scared and started crying and shaking. Then they caught me on the road by myself and almost killed me by beating me with a tire iron and a baseball bat. That just made me mad and when I saw them come back to the house on that afternoon I decided that they weren't going to get the chance to finish the job.” I exclaimed and started crying.

“What did you do?”

“I was trapped in the house so I took the shotgun and waited for them to break in and I stepped around the corner and shot them. The look on the big ones face was of surprise that I was standing there. He started toward me with a gun and I cut him down. The blood splattered all over the little one and he pulled out a silver pistol and I killed him next. The strange thing was he had a look of hatred on his face when I shot him. I stood there for the longest time until my Uncle came and took the shotgun away from me. I guess I wanted to make sure they were dead before I moved. I don't know. The Sheriff said it was a clear cut case of self-defense. I guess it was because I knew in my heart that they would have killed me that time instead of going to jail.” I said.

“What happened then?”

“I waited for my Mom to come and tell me everything was going to be all right, but she hasn't spoken to me since before the shooting. What did I do the deserve that?” I cried.

“I don't know. So what happened then?”

“I moved back into the barn and that night I heard someone telling me that I could stop all of the pain and hatred if I would end it all.” I said.

“So did you try? Try to take your own life, I mean.”

“Yes sir. I took a long piece of twine that they used to tie up the hay bales and I tied it to the ladder and made a loop on the other end and jumped. Strange, I could have stopped it just by stepping on to the ladder, but I didn't, I couldn’t, it was like I was committed at that point in time and couldn’t stop. The last thing I remember was seeing a mouse chewing the twine in two and then I fell to the ground and laid there. When I woke up I still had the rope around my neck and the mouse was standing on me and I swear I'm not making this up. He told me to never do that again. I was so ashamed that I wouldn't leave the barn for days except to get some water. I didn't have anything to eat so I just drank a lot of water. It seemed to help. My Uncle would come by and check on me. He asked me if I was all right and I lied and said I was. I have never lied to him before.” I said.

“Let me ask you a few more questions on a different subject. Okay?”

Ted asked me a lot of questions and was writing down my answers. I began to get nervous since some of the questions were really personal. Like if I had ever had sex with a boy or a girl or did I masturbate and if I did, did I think of someone in particular. I was really embarrassed by some of the questions and tried to not answer some of them, but to no avail. Ted was like a bull dog about some of them and wouldn't let go. He questioned me for about thirty minutes and put his note pad up and said that was enough for now. That was good because I was spent and was about to revolt.

“Come on that is enough for today. Let’s get back to the others before they think we are up to no good.”

“I think that would be the best.” I said relieved at being able to stop the interrogations.

As soon as the two of us walked back in the den Mrs. Givens told us that it was time to go to bed and shooed all of us girls up stairs to get ready for bed. I went in and put on my nightgown and had washed my face and brushed my teeth when Sally and Annie came in wanting to know what he talked to me about. “He just asked me a lot of questions. Some of them were pretty embarrassing. He wanted to know what happened the other day and I told him but please don't ask me to tell it again.” I pleaded.

Annie and Sally honored my request and didn't ask any more questions about that. Instead, Annie asked. “Did you enjoy doing those commercial shots to day? I know I did. I loved all of the clothes and the attention I got.”

“I thought it was wonderful. Especially when I got a hug from that cute hunk, they had working the lights. I know he is too old for me but it was great anyway.” said Sally.

“So are you two timing me?” I said in mock indignation.

Sally leaned in close to me like she was going to kiss me and I told her. “Oh no you don't, not until you tell me you are sorry.” I said.

“Okay I'm sorry.” she said. “For not getting a kiss from him.”

“Why you little hussy.” and I pushed her down her on the bed and started tickling her. Annie jumped in and the three of us were wrestling on the bed until Julie came in.

“Ahem. I thought, you three were into something.” she said.

We stopped and looked at her and Annie grabbed her hand and pulled her down on the bed with us and we started tickling her. She started tickling right back and this went on for a few minutes until Mrs. Givens came in and stopped us and sent Annie and Sally to their room and told them to go to bed, because we had to be at church early in the morning. She gave Julie and I a straighten up or else look and told me to get into bed. Then she shooed Julie out. I got under the covers and she tucked me in and gave me a goodnight kiss on the head. I heard her go and tuck in Annie and Sally and I went to sleep. It must have been great to have her as a mother. I wished mine was like that.

The next morning I got up, went outside, and did my exercises as usual. Robert came down and did them with me and as we finished up Mrs. Givens came down stairs and found us in the kitchen. Robert had made some coffee and I sneaked a cup and enjoyed it.

“So this is what you are doing. Corrupting, young ladies with coffee in the morning.” she fussed at Robert.

“I couldn't stop her she said she would beat me up if I tried.” exclaimed Robert with a grin.

“I'll just bet she did. I don't believe that for one second. Diane is a sweet and innocent young lady and you on the other hand....” and she stopped and stared at him. “Just for that, you get to cook breakfast. Diane go on and get your shower and get dressed for church. Only don't put on the dress yet just wear your robe. I don't want you getting your dress dirty.”

“Yes Mam.” and I went back upstairs and did as I was told. Julie was still asleep. I didn't even hear her come in and get in the bed. I wondered how long she and Ted had stayed up. They seemed to be getting along rather well. He couldn't be gay though, not the way he looked at Julie. He just about went spastic around her, he couldn't walk without tripping and when he talked to her, he made the cutest gaffs I have ever heard. I could see how she would have that effect on men. I mean she has all of the boys in school all tore up. I saw one run right into a wall while he was trying to get a look at her it was so funny because Mr. Alverez was standing right next to him. He just told him to try to concentrate on where he was going.

Ted was the one that I didn't know about. I figured out that Mr. Washington was one of the men that Ted was dating, it took me awhile but I figured it out. I was also wondering if he had shown up at the restaurant Friday night on purpose or by coincidence either way it must have been difficult for Ted. I don't know how it is in the gay community, but in the regular community that would have caused a lot of jealousy. I felt for both of them and hoped that they would at least remain friends.

I put on everything but the dress and found my robe and went downstairs. I could hear Mr. and Mrs. Givens talking about where to go after church. She wanted to go and have a nice lunch and see a movie instead of the zoo since it was threatening rain. Mr. Givens wanted to skip church and lay around the house. That got nixed pretty quick by Mrs. Givens. Then they decided on a steak house and Mrs. Givens would take us to a movie.

“Good morning Diane. Did you sleep well last night?” asked Mr. Givens.

“Good morning and yes I slept like a baby.” I replied.

“So when did Julie come to bed?” he asked.

“Uh, I must have really been out because I didn't even hear her when she came to bed. Sorry I can't help you there.” I said. “She was still out like a light when I came downstairs. You know I find it hard to believe that Ted is gay.”

“So do I sweetie.” Mr. Givens replied. “I see the two of them together and wonder if he was led down the wrong path by someone. Which is something you need to be aware of. Not all people will do the right thing by you, but do it for their own personal reasons. So I want you to be careful in the future when dealing with people.”

“Yes sir. I will.” I said.

“Now I think it is time to talk business.” He said. “Stan and I talked yesterday and we have come to an agreement. We want to front you ten thousand dollars to put into the stock market. We believe that you will be able to pay us back without any problems. We want to see if you can research and pick winning stocks. I personally think that you can. We will have the papers drawn up to where we will be responsible for the account and whatever profits are made will be yours. I will have to get the consent of your mother, but I don't see that to be a problem. Now what do you think of the offer?” he said and sat back sipping on his coffee.

“And what if I blow it?” I asked.

“We will stop the transactions at a point that there is no major loss.” He said.

“That sounds great but you really don't have to do it.” I said.

“Listen I have figured out that you have your pride and I don't want you to think of this as some type of charity because it isn't. Like I said, I believe in you and I want to see you excel. I listened to you talking about the cotton market and so did Stan and he did some checking and found out that you are correct in what you said. If you could know that then I don't see why you can't research and pick rising stocks. You see farming is turning into a business and you have a firm grasp of that concept. That is what we are going to need in the future to insure reasonable commodities prices. Which brings up another subject do you think you can get permission to go with Mrs. Givens and myself to New York in two weeks to go to the fashion industry show?” he said.

“I would love to and I think I can get my Uncle to say yes. You see he came by the other day and told me that he is going to have Mr. Rosenthal try to have me made into an emancipated minor so I won't have to worry about some family issues that have come up. As far as the stock thing I think that I would love to do it and make good.” I said.

“That will be great then. I will need the name of your attorney then and we will open the account by the first of next week.” he said.

“So is the business meeting over? Can I start breakfast now?” said Roger. “You know Diane I really wanted to be a chef however I was over ruled by a certain person. Who I love very much.” and he hugged his Dad and ruffed up hair as he jumped away from him so he wouldn't get hit.

“Yes Chef we are ready for you to start cooking. Diane go upstairs and get those sleepy heads up and tell them to get ready and come downstairs.” ordered Mr. Givens.

“I'll do it.” said Mrs. Givens. “I think I need to talk to a certain night owl up there.” then she took off and stopped and grabbed the newspaper and started out with it.

“Miranda, please leave the paper here. I haven't had a chance to look at it yet.” asked Mr. Givens. “The last time you took it up stairs I had to piece it back together to read it.”

“And why do you think you need the paper upstairs?” said Julie, who had just walked in. Mrs. Givens took her by the arm and turned her around and walked her back upstairs.

“Do you need any help?” I asked Robert.

“Not right now, but I will need you in a little bit.” he replied.

Mr. Givens gave me the fashion section and he started reading the business section. I read it front to back and was amazed at all of the new things coming out this year for Christmas. They seemed to be getting away from the wild colors and patterns but there was something there called hot pants that were basically very short shorts that were dressy. I guess on the right girl they would look great. Like Sally.

Robert called for me to come and help him. He was making omelets, something I had never had. I was amazed at the things he put in them like one had potatoes and another had cheese and bacon. He showed me how to put the eggs in the pan and at the right moment put the middle ingredients in and fold the omelet. He also made French toast and bacon to go with them. He could really cook. He made a drink called a mimosa made out of orange juice and champagne for the adults and for us he put ginger ale in it. The breakfast was excellent. After breakfast Annie, Sally and I volunteered to do the dishes so the adults could go get ready for church.

Chapter 17

When it came time to leave Mrs. Givens lined us all up and inspected us from head to toe. What she didn't like we had to change. Mr. Givens was standing to the side looking at his watch. Mrs. Givens got through with us and walked up to him and started looking him over also. “Miranda, we don't have time for this.” he complained.

“Make time.” was all she said as she straightened his tie and made sure his belt was in the right place. Then she proclaimed that we were all up to snuff and off we went.

Since there were seven of us. Julie said she would take her car. But Mr. Givens nixed that and told Robert to take his instead and the three girls could ride with him. We were excited about it since it was a Mustang. I drew the front seat. Annie groused that I had cheated, but I couldn't have since I threw rock in rock paper scissors. Robert told us to buckle up and took off.

At the church, we met up with the others and Mrs. Givens orchestrated our march into the church like a Drill Sargent. Robert leaned in close and said, “I dare you to salute.” I declined and took my place in the line. This had been the first time in a year since I had been a church. The last time was disaster. Mrs. Givens had us sitting about middle way down on the right. She talked to everybody around them greeting them and introduced us. Then when the organ started playing I nearly jumped out of my seat. I wasn't ready for that since the church I had attended didn’t allow musical instruments. All in all, it was an inspiring sermon and an inspiring experience. No one called me names and I wasn't attacked by the deacons in the church. I really enjoyed it. They really liked to sing because we sang about six songs during the service. This was a truly uplifting experience.

You see about a year ago I went to a rather conservative country church. The preacher was a hell fire and damnation type that absolutely did not like nor want any of the males in his church to have long hair and he didn't want the females to wear pants. It was his way or the highway. I had been letting my hair grow for about six or eight months and one Sunday, I was sitting in the back and he brought out a chair and set it in front of the pulpit. Then he started preaching on the sins of feminism and how it was wrong for the boys to have long hair and the girls to wear pants and shorts. Then he said that it was the duty of each parent to make sure that their kids were brought up in the bible. I had a bad feeling about what was going to happen and I was right. Two fathers brought their sons down to the front and made their boys sit in the chair. They didn't have really long hair at all and the preacher took a pair of hair clippers and shaved their heads. Then he turned his attention on me and told me to come to the front to repent. I stood and told him I didn't have anything to repent for, but he said I did. I said “Judge not for as Yee judge so shall Yee be judged.” and started to leave. He started to rant about me being a demon and that I needed to be more repentant I was about out the door when one of the deacons that I really didn't like caught me by the arm and started to drag me down the aisle to the chair. I kicked him hard on the shin and bit his hand and he let go. I took off and walked home madder than an ole wet hen and have never been back.

At the end of the service, I was putting on my coat and a guy about my age came up behind me and helped me put it on. He was blond and tall and muscular and he had braces on his teeth. I thanked him and was trying to figure out what else to say. Then he spoke. “Hi my name is Albert what's yours?”

Sally saw that I was unsure of what to do so she intervened, “Hi, I'm Sally and my very shy friend here who has never been kissed by a boy is Diane.”

“It's a pleasure to meet you, Diane.” he said. “I have been watching you all during the service and I was trying to figure out a way to meet you.” When I didn't say anything he went on, “So are you visiting? I don't think I have ever seen you here before.”

I decided he wasn't going to go away so I answered his question. “Yes, I am visiting. I am staying with the Givens family.”

“Really so where are you from?” he asked.

“I am from Salem. So where do you live?” I said relaxing.

“I live about two blocks from here. When are you going home?”

“I think we are leaving this afternoon.” I replied.

“Are you doing anything this afternoon?” he asked.

“I really don't know right now. I think we are going to a movie and then heading back home.” I said hoping he would take the hint.

“Albert, what a pleasure. How's your mother?” interrupted Mrs. Givens.

“She's just fine, she is around here somewhere. I was just talking to Diane.” he said nervously.

“Yes, she's one of Julie’s students. She brought her up for the weekend. Say would you like to go to a movie with us this afternoon?” asked Mrs. Givens.

“Oh Lord!” I thought, please say no. I really didn't need a boy mooning over me. My life was complicated enough without him.

“I would love it, but I have to ask my Mom first. Excuse me. I'll be right back.” and he took off like he was shot out of a cannon.

“Don't worry honey it will do you some good to see what it is like to be out with a boy.” said Mrs. Givens with a, “I'm just an innocent match maker, look”.

Sally spoke up and said, “Don't worry I will be right with you so he won't molest you.”

“I'm more worried about you molesting him.” I teased.

“That would be alright too.” She said and giggled.

He came back and his mother was with him. “Hello, Miranda, Albert here says you have invited him to go to the movies this afternoon. I don't see why not, so who is going?”

Mrs. Givens, said. “I am taking Julie and her three young charges to the movies. Let me introduce you to, Annie, Sally and Diane.”

“Hello girls. I take it Albert has already introduced himself. I think it would be a marvelous idea for him to go with you. If you would give me a call when you are through I will come and get him.” Albert's mother said.

“Nonsense I will drop him off after the movie. There's no need for you to get out again. As a matter of a fact why don't you let us take him now and he can eat lunch with us and then go to the movie.” said Mrs. Givens.

“That would be nice. Then I will leave him with you then. Albert you need to be on your best behavior.” said Albert's mother.

“Yes mam I will.” he said.

I love Mrs. Givens, but I was writing her out of my will, whenever I got one. Although I may need one soon I was thinking.

We went and had lunch and Sally and Annie kept Albert answering questions about himself. I tried to sit between Sally and Julie but that wasn't going to happen. They maneuvered me to the seat next to Albert. He seemed really nice and was just as shy as I was. Annie was sitting on the other side of him and she was talking his ear off. It seemed as though he also was in the band at his school, St. Something or another, and he played the saxophone also. The school was an all-boys school but they had a sister school that was all girls. He wasn't a jock because he had balance problems caused by his ears. He had two sisters, both were older than him. I noticed that his finger nails were polished with a clear polish and a little on the long side. He also had long hair although not as long as mine. That was when I saw the faint color of a skin tone eye shadow. I warmed up to him instantly.

I asked him what kind of music he liked to play and what he wanted to do with the rest of his life. I giggled at some of his answers and looked into his eyes like I had seen Ted and Julie do. I played coy and shy. Unexpectedly I become conscious of the fact that I liked playing the girl games. He turned all of his attention toward me. Annie and Sally stopped trying to get him to talk to them Although not without putting up a good showing. We had finished with the meal when Ted came up.

“Hello Mr. and Mrs. Givens, Julie. I hope you don't think I am following you or anything. I am here with my parents and saw you sitting here as we were leaving. We had been to church and came to eat lunch.” He said.

“We didn't see you in church.” said Mr. Givens.

“We were sitting in the balcony. I really loved the sermon today. Julie you look beautiful today. Well you look beautiful every day so today isn't any different.” he stammered.

“Down boy.” said Mr. Givens.

“Roger he was just being nice paying Julie a compliment.” said Mrs. Givens.

“Hmm, I am going to have to make sure that the roses are thriving I guess.” said Mr. Givens and I giggled at that. He gave me a 'don't say a word look'.

Mrs. Givens was in rare form and spoke right up. “Ted we are going to the movies this afternoon and I was wondering what you were doing?”

“Nothing that I know of. I need to see a patient of mine before she leaves town. That's all.” he replied.
“Great then you can come with us.” she stated. “Now if you will excuse me I want to see your Mother.” and she got up and walked away toward Ted’s parents.

“I guess that I need to make sure that they don't get into one of their long winded conversations. So I will see you at the movies. Julie, Girls, Mr. Givens, Robert.” and he left.

Julie was staring at him as he left with a rather starry eyed expression on her face. “Earth to Julie. Come in Julie.” said Mr. Givens. “I don't know which one is worse Ted or Julie.”

“Well just make sure he isn't allergic to roses.” I declared and giggled.

We left and went to the movies. I was sitting in back with Albert and Annie. Julie put Sally up front with her and Mrs. Givens. She said to keep her away from Albert. I think she wanted her to not interfere with the two of us. Nothing was going to happen anyway. I suspected that he was just like me only he didn't have the opportunity to express himself like I had right now. I guess that I was lucky in that aspect. The only thing I was concerned about was that I was going to have to go back to being Dennis this afternoon and I didn't want to.

At the movies, Mrs. Givens put Albert next to me at the end of the row. Albert was very shy and didn't say anything until I leaned in close and in a whisper asked. “How long have you wanted to be a girl?”

He looked at me and I sensed that he was going to bolt any minute now. I reached over and took his hand in mine and he relaxed some. “How did you know?' he whispered.

“I saw the eye shadow and the nail polish. I think that you did an excellent job of applying it. And I love the color.”

“Don't tease me. It's not nice.” he replied.

“I'm not teasing you. I have the same problem.”

He looked at me in surprise. “You are a girl that wants to be a boy.”

“Not quite, but close. So how long have you known about it?” I asked.

“All my life. At first, my mom thought it was cute, however now she watches me all the time so I won't act on it. Dad makes me play sports and I am not good at them. Mom searches my room almost every day looking for my girl things and dad refuses to let me out of the house except to go to school. I was surprised that they let me come here with you.” he said.

“I won't say anything to anyone about it. I am glad to meet you. I'll bet you would look good in a dress with your hair fixed.” I said.

We watched the movie and enjoyed each other’s company and when it came time to go home I saw a familiar sadness in his face. It was just like the one that I had a lot. I held his hand and walked with him. When we dropped him off, his father was waiting for him at the side walk and immediately put his arm around him and walked him straight to the house. I felt so bad for him. I saw his father practically throw him through the door and slam it behind them.

Mrs. Givens said. “I wonder what that was all about? Diane did he say anything to you?”

“Yes mam. He's just like me.” was all I said quietly so no one could hear me.

Ted didn’t get to come to the movies with us, instead he met us at the house. He took me into the den and we talked for awhile about my future and what was going to be in store for me. “Diane I am not going to sugar coat your future in any way shape or form. You are going to have a very hard time of it for quite a while to come. People are not very understanding of your condition and will do all that they can to make your life difficult. It is up to you though to make the best of your life. You may have to leave your home and school to keep from being hurt or worse. I believe that if it comes to that then the Givens family will accept you without question. I truly hope that it doesn’t come to that though. Now I believe that you will need a lot of counseling until you are old enough to be eligible for the surgery that would make you into a complete female if you wanted it.”

“I know how harsh the people of my community can be already. My question is can they stop me from attending school or from even living in the community. I know what happened to a man that was discovered to be gay last year and it wasn’t pleasant, I don’t want that to happen to me. As far as surgery goes I am not sure that I want anything like that. I am still trying to understand what has happened to me.”

“Well, I don’t think anything happened to you. I believe that you have always been like this and with the opportunity to express yourself you have become what you have always secretly wanted. As I said I don’t think anything happened to you. We will explore your past feelings and try to discover if I am right or not, okay?.” Ted said.

“Okay, well I guess I need to go. We still have a long trip ahead of us.”

“I will be coming down next week end and we can meet again then. How does that sound?”

“Great, but I don’t think you are coming to see me exclusively are you?”

“I don’t think I should answer that right now.” He said and pushed me out the door to where the rest were waiting.

“Well Doctor, is the patient going to survive?” asked Mr. Givens.

“I think that she is going to fine, although she will need, some serious monitoring to ensure that she goes back to her studies and does well.” Ted replied.

“I think I can provide the monitoring without any problems.” Julie stated with her most serious teacher look.

“Great we have missed you and we wanted you back in class with us.” Sally said and hugged me.

We packed up and got ready to leave. Mr. Givens hugged us all and told us he was so glad that we had come. Mrs. Givens did the same but she hugged Julie really tight and when they separated, she was crying.

“Mom, I'm just down the road so don't start crying because I'm going home.” exclaimed Julie.

We loaded up the car and left. Sally was sitting next to me. “Diane, is something wrong?” she asked.

“I was thinking about Albert. I saw a look of fear in his eyes when we pulled up to his house and his father was waiting for him. Something is wrong there, bad wrong. I can feel it.” I said.

Sally let it drop and started talking about the upcoming basketball season. Annie joined in and the two of them talked for a while. I laid my head back and fell asleep. I woke up at Annie's house. I helped her get her suitcase out of the trunk and hugged her good bye. Then we dropped Sally off at her house and I got out again and helped her get her suitcase out and hugged her good bye. Sally sneaked a kiss though right out in the open and grabbed up her suit case and ran inside.

“So are you glad to be home?” asked Ms. Givens.

“I guess so. I really want to be back in Memphis where I can be who I really am, but that isn't feasible, so I might as well be happy.” I said sadly.

“So what did you think of Albert? I thought he was really nice. I have known his parents for years now, but I just don't understand why his father threw him into the house like that. That was strange.” she said.

“Ms. Givens, if I told you something in confidence would you keep that confidence?” I asked.

“Of course honey.”

“Albert is like me. He wants to be a girl. I saw that he had a very lite colored eye shadow on and he had polished his nails. He said his parents didn't understand and were trying to make him into a 'man'. He said his parents search his room all the time to find his girl things and he has had to find places to hide them. He didn't say it but, I think they beat him when they find his things.”

“I see now. I was wondering why his parents acted the way they did. I was standing behind them when he asked his mother and she wanted to know if you, Annie and Sally were normal. I thought that bordered on rude, but I was glad to see that you two got along so well. I'm sure he will be alright.” she said unconvincingly.

Chapter 18

I got my bag and Ms. Givens bag out of the trunk and carried them inside. I had the most unusual feeling that I was being watched though. Ms. Givens bag weighed a ton and as I reached the top of the steps, I saw the local police car parked down the street and then a commotion came from the hedge next to Ms. Givens house. The police were dragging someone out of the hedge. I couldn't see who it was but I could tell from the voice that it was a male. Ms. Givens came out to see what was going on. She walked down to the police car where they had taken the boy. She talked with them for a few minutes and then she came back.

“Come on inside now.” she said and got the telephone book and looked up a phone number. “Diane go and get out of your church clothes and put something else on.”

I did as I was told, but I could hear her talking to someone on the other end and it wasn't pleasant. Apparently, she was calling the parents of the boy who the police had caught spying on Ms. Givens. She told them that she didn't appreciate his behavior and wanted it stopped. Then she hung up the telephone forcefully and came in to the bedroom and started hanging up her clothes from the suitcase. I took my suit case into her spare bedroom and started hanging up my clothes also. I got my old clothes and put them back on. The depression immediately overtook me like a dark cloud. I hated dressing like this, however, I had no choice. I finished and waited in the living room for her to come out and when she didn't I knocked on her door.

She opened the door and I could see that she had been crying. “I'm sorry Diane. I am really upset by what that little pervert said. He said I was using Annie and Sally as prostitutes and that you were being used to service the gay men.” she said. “And why do you have those old clothes on?”

“I have to go home and I don't think a skirt would go over well.” I said and continued. “So who was it?”

“Jeff, the one that came up to us at the restaurant. He is a jerk.” she said. “I called his parents and told them that I didn't like what he was doing and I really didn't like what he said. They said that they would take care of it. I hope they do.”

“I'm sorry, I guess that he will be telling everybody tomorrow. I’m thinking that I had better stay away for a few days.” Although I was thinking that I had better just stay away altogether. I knew that things like this had a way of snowballing to the point that they would never go away.

“If he does I'll have my Father's attorney on his parents so fast that they won't know what hit them. That is the only thing they will understand and respect. Now don't worry your pretty little head over it.”

“Okay, well I'm going to go on home now.”

“Wait I'll take you.” and she got up and grabbed her purse.

“No I think I need some time alone right now and I know I won't be bothered. By the way, here is the twenty you let me have. Well most of it anyway. I bought a couple of papers with it. I'll pay you back when I get a chance.”

“Don't worry about it you keep it.” and she folded my hand around it. “Now, I am not going to let a young lady walk all that way home by herself. So let's go.”

On the way out, I slipped the money under her homework box without her knowing. I got in the car with her and we took off. She drove me home and when she pulled up to the barn she reached out and stopped me from getting out. Then she leaned over and kissed me. “Diane, I really am very fond of you. I think of you as the little sister I always wanted. Get a good night’s sleep and I'll see you in school tomorrow.”

“Thank you for the wonderful weekend.” I said and got out. I watched as she drove away thinking, “I wish we didn’t have to part like this.”

That was the worst night's sleep I had ever had. I tossed and turned. I couldn't get comfortable and the hay smelled and was itchy. I was wishing that I had never gone and seen what a real bed was like. I felt so alone and now the sadness was setting in again. I could hear the voice again telling me that I could end it all by trying harder this time. It said the sadness would go away and I could be whoever I wanted to be if I would just go and get the gun and pull the trigger. I finally asked God to make the voice stop and it did. Sleep came then and I didn't even feel the cold.

The ride to school on the bus was difficult. None of the kids would talk to me or sit close to me. I heard two of them talking about how I had killed two men. One whispered that I was some kind of monster according to his parents. Kids could be cruel and these were really cruel. I was standing up to get off the bus and one of the little kids almost knocked another down trying to avoid getting too close to me.

I got off and started up to the building and every one was staring at me like I had two heads. Then I saw Jeff standing there pointing at me. That was the last straw. I walked right up to him. “Well if it isn't the little sissy bitch. What no dress today?” he said loudly and laughed. I kicked him in the groin and when he bent over and held his balls, I punched him in the nose.

“That's for lying about Ms. Givens and my friends Annie and Sally. You asshole.” and I walked away. I was almost at the door when I heard clapping start up until it got louder and louder. I tuned to see the rest of the kids clapping and cheering. Then a bunch of them came up and clapped me on the back. The teacher on bus duty that morning made Jeff go in and stop his nose from bleeding and then he turned to me and gave me a thumbs up. I didn't have any more problems out of Jeff.

The rest of the day went well I had to run laps in P.E., but it seemed to ease my mind. The coach made me get dressed away from the rest of the class and he stopped me and made me go in and take a shower before the rest of them. The only bad part was one of the class morons asked me if I would go out with him Friday night and show him a 'good time' and made some lewd suggestions. The coach came up behind him before I could get to him and snatched him up and had him do push-ups all during the period. I caught him later and made him think twice about being a jerk to me or anyone else.

I went into the library to see if they had the Memphis paper. I wanted to read the business section. I found it and opened to the second page on the way to the business section and saw a short article titled; Teen Commits Suicide. The article was about a fourteen year old boy found hanging by his parents last night. It was Albert. I broke out into tears and cried. The librarian came over to see what was wrong and I blurted out that I had met him yesterday in church. She patted my back and tried to sooth me, but I finally had to get up and go outside. I didn't know whether I should tell the others or not. I knew that Sally and Annie would cry also. So I wiped my tears and didn't let them know.

English class was sad for me I couldn't concentrate. Ms. Givens stopped me as I leaving the class for band and asked what was wrong. I told her and started crying again. She started crying with me and hugged me tight. Finally, she told me to go on to band, she said she would be along in a few minutes.

I guess Albert listened to the voice and believed it. He was so happy with me at the movie after I told him that I didn't care what he was or how he looked. I told him that I thought he was a beautiful person. I have since learned that people like me are at a greater risk of suicide than any other social group. I just hoped that I wouldn't give in to the voice again. I prayed that God would take him and keep him safe and heal his heart in heaven.

That afternoon I went in search of a part time job again. I found one in a strange place. The police department needed a dispatcher in the evenings to take care of the prisoners and answer the radio. Mr. Stedman The chief of police hired me on the spot. I had to be there two days a week from five to ten o'clock on Saturday and Sunday evenings. I was excited and told him I would take the job. I had to come in for three days and be trained, but I would be paid for it. I would start Wednesday evening. I left and went by Sally's house to tell her but she wasn't there. Then I went by Annie's house and she wasn't in either. So I walked on over to Ms. Givens house and found both of them there.

Ms. Givens answered the door and I found two men in suits there also. They had note pads and were talking to Annie and Sally. Ms. Givens pulled me in the door and introduced me as Diane to them.
“Diane, these gentlemen are from the Memphis Police Department. They are asking about Albert.” She said.

“One of them spoke up. “I understand that you went to the movie with Albert yesterday. Is that right?”

“Yes sir.” I answered.

“Did he seem alright? Did he say anything disturbing to you?” he asked.

I started crying then. “Have you told them what has happened?” I asked and pointed to Annie and Sally.

Ms. Givens said. “No they don't know yet.” Then she turned to them and said. “Albert took his life last night.”

Then they started crying with me. We all cried and cried until we were all cried out.

“How did you find out about his death?” the officer asked.

“I accidentally found it in the paper today. It said he hung himself. I guess he listened to the voice and did it.” I said.

“Voice, what voice?” he asked. “Did he tell you he was hearing voices?”

“No. I had a similar experience recently and I guessed that the same voice told him what it told me. I wasn't successful like he was.” I said.

“Did you try to take your life?” he asked.

“I did but it was over something else that caused me a lot of guilt.” I said.

“You didn't say anything to us about it.” exclaimed Sally.

“I thought it would upset you so I kept it to myself.”

“Did he say anything to you about wanting to take his own life? Did he say anything about his home life?” he asked.

“He told me that he wanted to be a girl and that his parents were doing everything they could to stop him. He said they searched his room and wouldn't let him go anywhere without them. Then yesterday when we dropped him off his father met him at the sidewalk and acted like everything was hunky-dory, but we all saw him practically throw him through the door and slam it behind him.”

“Did he say anything about being abused at home?”

“No sir he didn't say anything like that. He was such a nice person, I liked him.” I said.

“Tell me isn't your given name Dennis?” asked the other officer. “And didn't you kill two men in a break in attempt about a week ago?”

“Yes sir. I did. The Sheriff said it was self-defense.” I said.

“So tell me about it.” the second one persisted. “I think it would be an important thing for us to hear.”

“I don't!” said the first officer.

“I do!” argued the second.

“I said drop it. Now!” said the first.

“I am not going to talk about it without my Uncle present anyway.” I said.

“And I am not going to let him discuss it either.” said Ms. Givens.

“So you didn't put the thought in his head that he needed to hang himself, like you did to alleviate your own feelings of guilt over being gay?” the second asked.

“I think that this interview is over.” said the first. “Thank you for your cooperation. Come on let's get out and let them alone.” Then he gave the second a sour look and cut him off from saying anything else. He thanked Ms. Givens and took his partner and left. We could hear them arguing outside and the first told the second that if he ever tried something like that again he would be put out writing parking tickets.

“I don't see what happened to me had anything to do with Albert. I liked him.” I said.

“Don't worry honey. He was just a bigot and that is all there is to it.” said Ms. Givens.

We talked about it for a while and then Ms. Givens wanted to know if we wanted something to drink. “No thank you this is the last pair of clean pants and shirt I have.” I said. They all snickered at that.

“Well, how about if we drown our sorrows with a milk shake and a cheese burger. I found some money on the table this morning when I picked up my homework box. Diane, you wouldn't know anything about it, would you?” asked Ms. Givens.

“One of the customers must have left it.” I said and got flogged for that remark by all three of them.

“Come on let's go get a burger. And to keep the pounds off we'll walk.” she said.

The burger stand was about a block away so it wasn't that far. Sally held my arm the whole way talking about Albert and the two Policemen. Annie was shocked by his death and how that police officer tried to make it look like it was my fault. I asked Ms. Givens if she had heard from Ted.

“Yes we talked last night and he wants to see you again this weekend. I told him I would see what I could do.” She said.

“Oh I forgot. The reason that I came by in the first place was to tell you that I have a part time job that starts Wednesday evening. I'm going to be a jailer-dispatcher for the police here. I will train for three days and then my regular days will be Saturday and Sunday evening from five to ten at night.”

“That's great.” they all exclaimed.

“I really need the money and it will keep me out of trouble, or I hope it does.” I said.

“So if I call for the police you will come and save me.” said Sally.

“No, I'll send someone to bring you in, so I can put you in jail to keep you out of trouble.” I said.

“How are you going to get back and forth to work? You live quite a ways out in the country.” said Ms. Givens.

“I can just kill some time after school for the first three days and then it shouldn't be a problem on the weekend. I can jog to work and jog back after work.” I said. “Which reminds me I am going to have to skip the burger and get on home and check on Smokey.” I really was hungry, but I had imposed on Ms. Givens enough already. So I took off and headed home. I had walked about two miles and was regretting not getting a burger, but I had my pride. When I got home, Ralph came out to the barn to talk to me.

“Hey brother, how's it going?”

“Fine I guess.” I answered. “What are you doing out here. I was under the impression that you weren't allowed out here.”

“I just wanted to know why the Memphis police wanted to talk to you? Have you done something wrong?”

“No, I met this kid yesterday in church and he committed suicide last night.” I said.

“Damn, you must be the angel of death or something.” he said.

“That's not funny!” I said. “Did you come out here to piss me off? Because if you did, you're doing a good job of it.”

“Naw, I really would like it if you would talk to Mom and try to work things out. Listen I know she didn't do right by you, but I don't like you being out here. So how about it?” he said.

“I'll think about it.” I said. In the back of my mind, I thought fat chance.

“Well okay I'll see you them.” he said and left.

It was a cold night so I pulled the hay in tighter to make the room a little smaller hoping that it would keep me warmer. I did my exercises and laid down and went to sleep after praying that I didn't have to hear the voice again.

It was getting close to Thanksgiving. Mom still hadn't said a word to me. I was making a little money working at the Police Department and was able to eat regularly now. I kind of got to know the underside of the town and was learning some of the dirty little secrets that were in the town. I couldn't tell any of them, but I was learning who to look out for. I had started figuring out how to work the stock account I had and had managed to increase it by thirty percent. Ted and Ms. Givens were seeing a lot of each other and I was on the cheer squad now. I had to learn to dance and do the cheers with the others. Joey and Sam were having to do the same thing. They were there because they were kind of muscular and could anchor a pyramid really well. I really didn't know why I was there, but I really didn't care I was loving it. We went to all of the basketball games and did a dance-cheer performance at the halftimes. I was doing better in my studies and had managed to bring my grades up from a C to a B plus.

Ted was coming down on the weekends to see Ms. Givens and each Saturday I had to meet with him to discuss my situation. He finally gave me a diagnosis of gender identity disorder and post-traumatic stress disorder. He was more worried about the PTSD than the gender problem. I talked about using female hormones to enhance my appearance, but he said he was uncomfortable with doing that without my parent’s consent. I told him what I had been keeping quiet for a while. “I had to go see Mr. Rosenthal the other day. My Uncle Will has him working on a solution to the problem I have with my parents. I am going to see the Judge next week and he is going to rule on making me an emancipated minor. That will mean that I will be able to make business decisions on my own and make decisions concerning my own well fare without an adult's permission.”

“I see. So would you want to try the female hormones if you become emancipated?” he asked.

“Yes sir. I would. Doc Clifford told me about a week ago that the blood he drew showed that I had no testosterone production, however I wasn't going to fully develop into a female form without the estrogen. So I guess I would rather go all the way instead of half way. He said I was at the physical development of a ten year old right now and would probably stay there. I want to move on and actually develop a feminine body instead of a little girl’s body. I mean I have a feminine face and the general shape, but I would like to have breast and no significant body hair. I also learned of a female who had an operation that changed her completely to a female. Oh, what was her name? Oh I remember, it was a Christine Jorgenson.”

“Yes, she had to go to Denmark to get it done. Although, I have heard that a doctor in the north east is planning on doing them soon. That is a long way off though, but I will check on it for you if you don't mind. Now how are you doing with the depression?” he asked changing the subject.

“I have good days and bad days equally. The good days are excellent and the bad days are terrible. It seems as though I can start off happy and something will set me off and everything turns dark. I mean really dark. It's like a roller coaster ride, up and down and I can't get off of it. The lows are getting lower and the highs are getting higher and the slide to the bottom is terrifying. They are getting so bad that I am frightened to have anything to do with anybody. Then it takes a day or two to get back to a normal demeanor and then the highs start. I don't even get to relax and enjoy a calm day anymore. And the lows are starting to make me angry at the world.” I explained.

“Sounds like you are going to need a mood stabilizer or an antidepressant. I will work on that also.” He said. “So have you spoken to your mother yet?”

“No sir.”

“Why not?”

“I don't know. I only know that I am angry with her for abandoning me.”

“I know we have covered this before, but I really think that in order to move on you are going to have to talk to her. This is a major issue in my opinion. I don't see any healing happening until you do.”

“I disagree, I feel as though she will only drag me backward and try to make my life more difficult than it already is. I know for a fact that Dad has disowned me and is refusing to pay child support on me and she isn't going to push the issue. So to me that indicates that she has disowned me too.”

“Well, I still would like for you to work on trying to talk to her by next week okay? And we can discuss what happened then. Right now, our time is up. I think Julie is wanting to go to the burger stand and get something to eat. Would you like to go with us.”

“No sir. I am going to have to go and get my check and go home. I have to stop at the grocery store and pick up some dog food for Smokey he's almost out and I have a lot of homework thanks to a certain English teacher.”

“Well okay be careful going home.”

“Yes sir, I will. Thanks.” I said and left them to see each other.

The chief was sitting in the dispatcher's chair and he didn't look happy at all when I walked in. “Hi chief how's it going?” I asked.

“Like shit! Loraine called in sick again and I couldn't get anybody to work tonight. Would you like to pick up some extra money?” he asked.

“Yes sir I would, but I need to walk up to the grocery store and get my dog some food first and then I will be right back.” I said.

“That will work. Here's your check hurry back.” He said.

“I ran up to the grocery store and picked up the dog food and cashed my check. Then I ran back and clocked in. We only had one prisoner that had been sentenced to ten days for public drunk in the jail and we didn't even lock the cell door on him. He stayed in his cell and slept most of the time. I thought all the time that this was like Mayberry on TV. I did my homework and my exercises and at ten o’clock, I gave John, the prisoner the keys to the jail, called the Sheriff’s dispatcher, and turned the phones over to them. Danny the policeman on duty came by and told me to get in so he could take me home. I didn't argue since it looked like it was going to rain. Then the Sheriff's department called and gave him a call at the edge of town in the opposite direction I was going so I didn't get a ride.

I put the dog food in my back pack and took off running home. I didn't make it home though before it started pouring down rain. I was soaked to the bone by the time I got to the barn and it was a cold rain. Smokey was waiting for me and I fed him and tried to explain to him why I was late. He just turned up his nose at me and ate his food. I had been able to put a set of stairs in that went up to the hay loft and Smokey got to sleep with me again. I really like it, even though he still tries to push me out from under the cover all the time. He was at least warm. We had a bunch of old boards stacked up from a sharecropper house that had been torn down and I made the stairs out of them. I also cleared out most of the loose hay from the floor and repaired some of the holes that were exposed. The walls of the barn were made of oak that had shrunk over the years leaving gaps in the walls. I managed to fill in most of them with the old boards and I made a set of doors for both ends of the loft to keep the wind out. That was the hardest part and I had to get Uncle Will, Will and George to help me hang them since they had to swing out to work right. I couldn't put a stove in there because of the fire hazard. The whole barn was so dry that it would go up like a match with one spark, but it was a lot warmer than it had been.

We laid down and slept the whole night. Sometime in the night, I started having chills and pulled Smokey in closer to get warm. I also pulled a lot of loose hay in on top of me and I seemed to get warmer then. The next day I got up and went to school as usual, I left Smokey some food out and told him to watch the place while I was gone. Yes, I know he is a dog, but I really think that he understands me. At school, I kept feeling worse and worse and started coughing. I thought I had a cold from being out in the rain. It was tutoring day and I met Ms. Givens at her room and took the box out to her car as usual. I was standing there and I felt a strong chill and started shaking all over. She came walking out and saw me standing there shaking and hugging myself to get warm. She felt my forehead and declared that I had a fever.

“Then I guess I had better go on home and get in bed then.” I said.

“And just how are you going to get there?” she asked. “No, you are going to go with me and get some rest while Chrissy does her work and no arguments.”

“Yes mam.” I said resignedly. I really wasn't thinking right and I hurt all over. I just wanted to sleep and get warm.

At her house, she made me go and take a hot bath and put on my nightgown. I didn't argue and I enjoyed having something clean and soft on. Then she put me in the spare bedroom and put an extra blanket on me. I fell asleep almost immediately, but I woke up a little while later shivering even harder than before and I was hurting all over even worse. The cough got worse and worse making it hard to get to sleep. Mrs. Killibrew came in and had some pills and a bottle of medicine and she made me sit up and take a pill and a teaspoon of the medicine that tasted terrible. Then she sat with me and stroked my hair until I went to sleep again. I don't know how long I was out, but when I woke up it was daylight. I got up and went to the bathroom and brushed my teeth and put on a robe and walked out to the living room to find a note that said. “Stay in bed today and take your medicine as prescribed I will call at lunch to check on you. Julie.”

I got some water and took the medicine and was heading back to the bedroom when someone knocked at the door. I guess I wasn't thinking right because I opened the door without even thinking about how I was dressed. Doc Clifford was standing there. I let him in and he asked, “Where is Ms. Givens?”

I had to think about that for a minute because things still weren't registering well with me. “I...think she is at work. What are you doing here?”

“I came by to check on you. Do you remember me coming by last night?” he asked.

I had to think about that. “No sir. I really don't. What time is it? Where am I?” I asked. Damn I was confused. I must have really passed out because I don't remember how I got here.

“Dennis sit down I want to take a look at you again.” He took out his stethoscope and listened to my chest and looked in my eyes, ears and mouth. “Dennis, are you taking female hormones?”

“No sir I'm not taking anything except this and it tastes bad.” I said still fuzzy and getting fuzzier.

“Are you wanting to be a girl?”

“I would love to be a girl. Can you make me into one?” I said and felt as though I was slurring my speech. My eyes were having a hard time focusing and my mouth felt like cotton. I got up and tried to take a step and almost fell. Doc helped me back into the bed and said he would check on me later. I fell asleep again and didn't wake up for a while. I could hear Mrs. Killibrew talking but it sounded way off and didn't make a lot of sense. She came into the room and sat on the edge of the bed. I could smell her perfume, a sweet smell that made me feel better. “Did you know that you are one of the prettiest ladies I have ever met?” I said with a slur. I don't remember her answer because I fell right back to sleep.

Later I awoke again and this time I had a headache. I got up and went to the bathroom and when I got through Ms. Givens was there. My cough had returned with a vengeance so I was given another dose from the bottle. I was able to sit up and eat a little soup this time and I wasn't as fuzzy as I had been. I asked, “Ms. Givens how long have I been out?”

“Oh long enough to flirt with Mrs. Killibrew and to tell the doctor that you wanted to be a girl and ask if he could do that.” she said with a laugh.

“Sorry, I guess I need to apologize to Mrs. Killibrew then. Why did Doc ask me if I wanted to be a girl?”

“He came by last night and you had your night gown on and he put your general physical development together and figured it out. He said he wouldn't say anything since it involved patient confidentiality issues. But he thinks you need to be on hormones. I told him that you were seeing a psychiatrist already about issues that have come up about the shooting and he prescribed an antidepressant for you. Mrs. Killibrew is going to pick it up tomorrow for you. Annie and Sally are worried about you and came by earlier this afternoon. I tried to call your mother and tell her you were sick but she wouldn't talk to me. Sorry.”

“Am I going to be alright?”

“Yes honey. You have pneumonia and it will take a day or two to get better so don't worry about a thing. I called your Uncle and he is going to feed your dog and check on him for you. So when you get finished with your soup I want you to go take a bath and get cleaned up and wash your hair. I am going to change the sheets on your bed while you take a bath.” and she got up and started to walk away but came back and gave me a hug and kissed my head.

I finished the soup and went and took a bath and put on one of Ms. Givens night gowns that she laid out for me. I came out with my hair wrapped in a towel and sat down on the bed. I put on the big fluffy robe that she had laid out also. I still felt a little fuzzy, but I was getting better. When I took the liquid medicine, the cough went away, but I felt fuzzy after taking it. I picked up the extra blanket and put on my slippers and went into the living room and sat on the couch with the blanket around me. I just sat there and finally fell asleep again. When I woke up Mrs. Killibrew was there and she was sitting next to me holding me.

“Hello sugar are you feeling better?”

“Yes mam. I guess I owe you an apology for being rude to you earlier.” I said.

“Actually you gave me the nicest compliment. I thought it was sweet. I want you to know that I think you are one of the sweetest young ladies I have ever met.” and she hugged me tighter.

“Thank you.” I said. I really didn't think I deserved all of the wonderful treatment that I was getting. I really thought I was a lot of trouble if you want to know the truth, but it felt good to be loved and cared for, to be held and touched in a motherly way. I missed it so much. We sat there for a long time, Mrs. Killibrew and Ms. Givens talked while I dosed off and on. Then when Mrs. Killibrew left, Ms. Givens brushed out my hair and rolled it up in rollers and sent me to bed.

I slept through the night and didn't have the nightmares that I usually did. I woke up in the morning feeling better than I had in days. I had an appetite and ate some toast and drank some water for breakfast. I wondered what day it was since I had lost track of time. Ms. Givens was up and instead of getting dressed for work was in a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. I asked what day it was and she told me that it was Saturday so I didn't have to go to school, but I did have a lot of work to catch up on so after breakfast I had to get dressed and get my books. She also told me that I didn't have to go to work tonight because the other dispatcher was going to make up her time tonight.

I worked all morning on my homework and I did get caught up so that was a plus. I had my corduroy jeans on and a lite blue blouse with a pair of lace topped ankle socks with my suede saddle oxfords. I really wasn't planning on going anywhere so I dressed in some soft clothes. I had just finished my homework when Annie and Sally came over. I hugged them both and told them that I had missed them so much. We talked and giggled until Ms. Givens asked if they would like to go with us to see about my dog. They said yes. but first I had to take my hair down out of the rollers. They decided that I needed to have my hair brushed out and styled a little. So they brushed it out and left soft curls in it. I liked the look and didn't complain.

I gathered up my backpack and my clothes to take home. Smokey was so glad to see me. I hugged him and he licked my face. For some reason he didn't bark at the others with me and even let them pet him. He was a real gentleman for a change. I showed them where I stayed and all of the work I had done to the hay loft. They were impressed with it. I made sure that Smokey had plenty of food and water and we left. He looked sad as we walked back to the car. I really missed him. We had gotten very close lately. I told them I was going to stay at home tonight. Ms. Givens looked at Smokey and understood. They drove away. And I went upstairs and did my exercises. I was looking out the front of the loft and saw mom in the yard. I knew that Ted was going to ask if I had tried to talk to her. I figured now was as good a time as any. I had already put my old clothes on so I wouldn't get my nice ones dirty, so I walked up to the house. She saw me and turned and started back to the house. I called out to her, but she just kept going. She slammed the back door as she went through it.

That went well, I thought. Why didn't I just disappear. She would probably like that. I could at least say that I tried.

I walked over to Uncle Will’s to call Ms. Givens to ask if she was going to church in the morning. I asked where she went and she said that she went to a church in Charlestown and wanted to know if I would like to go with her. I said yes and she told me to be at her house at eight to take a bath and get ready to go. She said that Mrs. Killibrew and Chrissy went there. It was a really nice church. I told her I would be there in the morning. I also called Mr. Washington and we talked about a stock that I wanted to sell and two that I wanted to buy. He told me he would take care of it for me. Then I visited with Uncle Will and his family for the rest of the day. George and I gave Will fits and he thumped us both on the head. I was teasing him about his new girlfriend. We had a great day. We went out and washed the truck and cleaned out the inside so he could go out on a date that night. His girlfriend was a really sweet girl and was smart as a whip. She was the head of the school chess club and the math club.

We had just finished with the truck when Angie's father came up with her in his truck. He let her out and Uncle Will was talking to him. The three of us came up and stood back and remained quiet. We weren't to speak unless spoken to. He looked at me and asked. “Dennis I heard you had a rough last couple of days?”

“Yes sir. I caught pneumonia.”

“How did you catch it?” he continued.

“I guess I caught it from getting wet the other night after I left work.” I said.

“Where do you work?” he asked.

“He works for the City as a dispatcher two nights a week.” said Uncle Will with the sound of pride in his voice. “He got to pick up an extra day on Wednesday and he didn't make it home before it started raining.” Then he chastised me by saying. “From now own if it looks like rain you better call me. You understand?”

“Yes Sir. I will.” I said.

“By the way don't you have to go in tonight?” asked Uncle Will.

“No sir. The other lady is making up the day she missed by working tonight.” I said.

“Good you need another day to get better.” He said.

“You know Will, I have that old Dodge pickup that would do just fine for him to use to go to work and back. I wouldn't trust it to go a lot farther but it would do fine for around here. I only want three hundred for it. Give it some thought.” Angie's dad said. “By the way did you know that Mr. Williams over there across the creek from you is wanting to sell his little farm. I think he is going to retire and get out this year.”

“No I didn't know that. I wonder how much he is going to want for it?” said Uncle Will.

“I don't know but if you could get it pretty reasonable it would be worth it. Well listen I have to go now. Angie be home by ten thirty we have to go to church in the morning. Will I'll see you around.” and he left.

“You know, Daddy that would be a pretty nice piece of land if we could get it. I don't think he has done much with it except grow hay on it the past two years. The only problem I can really see with it is that creek takes up a lot of area.” Will said.

“I know but right now I don't have the money to spare on it and we would need another tractor to work it. It might be more than we could afford.” Uncle Will said.

George was thinking about it just like I was. “Yeah but I know where a 5020 is that is reasonable and a 1266, either one would do fine to work it.” he said.

“Yeah, we need all the extra acreage we can get this year to put into wheat or soybeans because I think that cotton prices are going to fall starting in March or April.” I said.

“And why is that?” asked Uncle Will.

“I have been seeing the clothes designers are going to a polyester fiber and a nylon fiber more and more this fall. And they are making more and fashions out of them. I am also concerned about Brazil and its increase in farming. They are clearing more and more land to farm and I am concerned that if they start exporting more and more they will lower the commodity prices to a low that will hurt us all.” I said.

“Where did you learn all of that?” he asked.

“From Mr. Washington, the guy that I have been doing the stocks with.” I said. “So far I have increased the seed money they gave me by thirty percent. I have to do a lot of research to do this and I have found out that South America is pushing hard to improve its agricultural export standing.” I said.

“Any ideas on what to do about it?” Uncle Will asked.

“Yes sir. We need to find a crop that is compatible with our current equipment like corn or wheat and maybe even think about planting early wheat and late soybeans and use some of the no till methods that I have been reading about. We can see a major increase in our profit margin with them and it still won't be as expensive as cotton to raise.” I said.

“Hmm we'll see. Will if you are going to get good seats at the movie you and Angie had better get going.” Said Uncle Will and he went inside.

I said bye and started back to the house. I called Smokey and we walked back. He stayed right with me the whole way. We crossed behind one of the farms that bordered ours and as I walked along, I found about four arrow heads and a piece of old pottery. They were really pretty. I thought I would give them to the guidance counselor since he really liked things like that. Smokey suddenly stopped and started growling. I wondered what he had spotted and then I saw them. Three wild dogs were coming toward us and they suddenly spread out and circled around us. Smokey walked out and challenged the biggest one. They stopped and growled at each other for a minute and then they started circling. The other two were a lot smaller, but even a hungry small dog can be dangerous.

Smokey and the big one suddenly attacked each other and the two little ones continued circling me. I moved out and kicked one and sent him flying, the other one came up behind me and bit into the fabric of my pants leg. I kicked at it and shook it lose, but it came right back. This time I fell onto it when it bit into my pants again. He tried to bite me but I grabbed it's head and twisted it and snapped it’s neck. I looked up and Smokey had the big one down and he was squalling like a baby. Then the big one broke free and took off with the other small dog right behind him. Smokey came up to me and sniffed at the one I had killed then he licked my face. I checked him for wounds and thankfully he didn't have any.

“Thanks big guy. I would have been screwed if you hadn't been here. Come on let's go home.” and he jumped up and waited for me to get up and follow him. This time he moved out in front of me like he was guarding me.

Chapter 19

I did my exercises and went to sleep and slept like a rock. The next morning I got up at daybreak and loaded up my back pack with my new clothes and books and took off to town. It took about an hour to jog to town. I went by the police department just to kill time and be nosy about what had happened last night. Then I went on over to Ms. Givens house. She answered the door and let me in.

“Good morning honey. I was surprised that you wanted to go to church with me this morning. Are you missing it.” She said.

Ah, she called me honey again. “Yes mam.” I said.

“Well why don't you go get a bath and put on something soft and wash that hair, it has hay in it.” she said. “I am going to make some coffee.”

I got cleaned up and rolled my hair and dried it with her hair dryer, then I brushed it out like Annie and Sally showed me. I managed to get the same soft curls that they had managed. I was thinking about what to wear when Ms. Givens came in with one of the dresses that I hadn't gotten a chance to wear at her mothers. It was a maroon suit that had a skirt and coat. She had brought in a lovely blouse to go with it. The blouse had lace down the front and pearl buttons. “Do you want me to wear that to church here?” I asked.

“Yes. Why not. No one knows you and you can't wear your old clothes they are filthy and I have put them in the washer anyway, so here you go.” she said. “Oh the coffee's ready. Would you like some toast?”

“Yes mam.” I said. I put on the dress and a pair of Mary Jane heels and when I came out I got a wolf whistle from Ms. Givens.

“Hey honey, how about lets me and you make some whoopee.” she teased. “You look great.” And she went and got her camera and took my picture in various poses.

She went and got ready for church and I enjoyed a cup of hot coffee and some toast. The telephone rang and Ms. Givens told me to answer it. “Givens residence.” I answered. A male voice on the other end hissed, “I know what you are doing. You don't fool me wearing that dress you fag. I'll get you soon.” and he hung up.

I was standing there holding the telephone in shock. “Who was it?” asked Ms. Givens. “Diane are you alright?”

I looked at her, “Some man just called and said he was going to get me and I wasn't fooling him wearing this dress.”

“Oh my goodness, honey.” she said. I was shaking all over and she held onto me tight. “Don't worry no one is going to hurt you. These types only want to scare you, they are too cowardly to actually try anything.”

I calmed down and she went back and finished getting dressed. The telephone rang again and she came running out and grabbed it up. This time she gave them an earful. I wasn't aware that she knew words like that and then she slammed the telephone down. She looked at me. “I don't want to ever hear you talk like that.” Then she went back and finished getting ready.

She called me back to the bedroom and told me to pull my hair back away from my ears and I did. She picked up what looked like a pair of pliers and then she pinched my earlobes and then she took the pliers and clamped them on my ear. It hurt for a second and I jumped. Then she did the same on the other ear. I reached up to rub them and found that she had put a stud on both sides. I looked in the mirror and saw a small gold stud in both ear lobes.

“I thought you needed to have your ears pierced so I did it. Now, what you have to do is keep them clean. Wipe them every day with hydrogen peroxide and don't take them out for about three to six weeks. Do you like them.” she asked.

“Like no. Love yes. Thank you. Will I be able to wear hoops and dangly ear rings.” I asked.

“Whatever you want within reason of course.” she said. “So are you ready? Now, you need to put some lipstick on, then you will be ready.”

I got my purse and put the lipstick on. I had brought my bible that I had liberated from the house. I had also managed to get the shotgun that my Granddaddy had given me and his old revolver and hid them in the barn. Ms. Givens opened the door and was met by the Chief. “Ms. Givens?” he asked and tipped his hat.

“That's me.” she said. “What's this all about?”

“May I come in?” he asked.

“Yes of course.” and she let him in.

“I got an anonymous tip that you were, shall we say doing things with one of your students that is immoral.” he said.

“I guess it was a man that called and had a raspy voice.” She said.

“Yes mam it was. How did you know?” he asked.

“I have gotten two harassing phone calls this morning from someone who said they would get me.” she said. “Did you see anybody on the street when you came up? I'm sure they are waiting for you to drag me out in handcuffs right now.”

“No, but I think I will have a look. Wait here.” he said. Then he came back in and said, “I know who it is. He was in the bushes a few doors down and took off. Why would he make such an accusation though. Is there someone else here?”

Before she could say anything, I stepped out to where he could see me and said. “Hello Chief. I have been here since I left the station this morning.”

He just stared at me for a minute I guess he was trying to sort all of it out. “Dennis, is that you?”

“Yes sir, it's me alright and now you know what I really am.” I said.

“You mean you're a girl? But why do you want to dress like a boy all the time?” he asked.

“I was born a boy, but I had an accident and now I'm turning into a girl. Ms. Givens discovered it and lets me, be me here. She hasn't touched me or done anything to me except to give me the chance to express myself as I really feel. She has done it so I can function at the level that I am supposed to be at. That's all. So tell me was it Mr. Johnson that you saw in the bushes?” I asked.

“Yes it was. So do you have boy parts?” he asked. “You know what I mean. Do you have a penis and balls?”

“I have a very small penis but my testicles were destroyed in a fall and aren't there anymore. As a matter of a fact my penis is only able to let me pee nothing else.” I said.

“Damn, this is too weird. Wait, why would Johnson want to hurt you two with a phone call?” he asked.

“The principal caught his wife altering his school record with some false statements and she is on the verge of being terminated. He is a vicious pervert who would take advantage of teenage girls, I was told and it came from one of my students. I know one that he tried it with, but she got away and didn't tell anyone because she was afraid of the stigma attached. I'll bet he's the one that put Jeff up to peeping on me.” said Ms. Givens.

“Well okay then. I guess I'll let you get on with what you were doing. Dennis I'll see you this afternoon and don't be late my wife is cooking a roast for supper.” he said.

“Yes sir. I'll be on time.” I said.

The Chief left shaking his head. I couldn't help it, I burst out laughing. “Did you see the look on his face when he saw me?” I laughed.

“Yes I did, but I thought he was going to arrest us both. Then he saw reason and let it go. But I guess that I am going to have to keep my shades pulled all the way down now. To keep that pervert from watching me.” she said.

“You aren't the only one he watches. I know for a fact that he is peeping at two other women in town and if their husbands catch him, they will kill him. They don't know it's him though.” I said.

“Well let's go or we will be late for church. Go get your coat.” she said.

At the church we met, the Killibrew's and we all sat together I met her husband and he seemed nice and her brother was really nice. Chrissy had brought her new boyfriend, the football player. He didn't act like a football player though, he was nice and polite. I liked him too. Chrissy's brother, Arthur sat next to me. I was sitting between him and Ms. Givens. I saw him looking at my legs at one point and then he took my hand in his and held it through the sermon. I really didn't know what to do. I didn't want to cause a scene so I just let him hold it. I have to admit it felt kind of nice though. I really needed to talk to Ted about this I was so confused.

After church, we went to one of the restaurants that were open on Sunday with the Killibrew’s. Mr. Killibrew started asking all sorts of questions. “Diane, I saw where you have filed to be an emancipated juvenile, is there a problem at home that prompted this?”

“Yes sir. My Mom won't have anything to do with me and I have to make a living.” I said somewhat embarrassed.

“So how are you going to live? Do you have a job?” he persisted

“I have a part time job that lets me make enough to live on.” I said. “I don't make a lot but I make enough to buy some groceries and dog food for my wonderful dog. He protected me yesterday from some wild dogs. I just love him.”

“What happened?” asked Mrs. Killibrew more to keep Mr. Killibrew from asking another question than anything else.

“I was walking back home from my Uncles when three wild dogs attacked us. Smokey ran the biggest one off, who by the way was half again as big as Smokey. I got rid of the two smaller ones, but not until one tore the bottom of my pants leg.” I said.

“So where do you live if your Mom won't have anything to do with you?” he continued.

“I live on the farm that my Granddaddy left my Uncle and I.” I said.

“Do you live in the house with your parents?” He asked.

“No sir.” I said quietly.

“So where do you live?”

“I live in the hayloft of the barn.” I said truly embarrassed.

“The barn you say. Well I never.” he said. Mrs. Killibrew and Ms. Givens both had a very nervous look on their faces.

Mrs. Killibrew jumped in then, “Arthur, she is doing the best she can with what she has. She has been abandoned by her parents and is staying alive on nothing. So drop it and let's enjoy the rest of our meal.” she said and smiled at him, but her eyes said “Drop it now!”

“I apologize Diane. I become obsessed sometimes and don't know when to stop. Chrissy talks about you all the time and she says you are one very special person.” He said and fidgeted with the menu. “I have seen a real change in Chrissy since she has met you. She seems to be more responsible than before. I thank you for that.” He said.

“You are welcome, but I can't take the credit for that. Ms. Givens is the one that is making that change. She is making both of us into better people. I thank her for that.” I said. Ms. Givens smiled at that, but didn’t say anything.

After lunch, we went to the Killibrew's home and watched TV while the guys played basketball outside. Mr. Killibrew continued his interrogation. He wanted to know if my mother helped me in anyway, I told him no. Then he wanted to know about how she acted after the shooting. I almost cried then. He pretty much wanted to know everything about my life. “Diane based on what you have told me I think that we can get you emancipated. I know that it seemed as though I was being nosy, however this has filled all the gaps in the information. I am sorry about your mother and father, there is nothing I can do about that, but I can fix it to where you will be able to live a relatively normal life on your own.”

“Thanks. I really need this.” I said.

I fell asleep on the couch and when I woke up, I found a blanket had been laid over me and Chrissy was next to me. I looked at my watch and jumped up. I had to be at work in thirty minutes. We got our things together and left. I thanked Mrs. Killibrew for the wonderful day. We got back to town and I told Ms. Givens to just drop me off at the station I would have to work in my church clothes. She said she would go home and bring me some more clothes. I thanked her and she left. I walked in and the chief just looked at me.

“I'm sorry Chief I dozed off and I was almost late. I won't come in like this again.” I said.

“I would appreciate it if you didn't wear a dress to work. I would rather you wore a pair of pants just in case you have to go into the back. Oh, here are the keys and here is the key to the drawer. The only thing I did today was chase down a peeper. Who got the riot act read to him. That's all. By the way, you look very pretty today. Well I'll see you.” and he left.

I was so shocked by his behavior. I really thought he would fire me but he didn't. A little information. The drawer didn't have any money in it or evidence. Since I wasn't old enough to carry a weapon the chief put a .357 magnum revolver in this drawer and locked it up and gave me the key in case I ever needed it. I hoped I never would. I was getting settled in when Annie and Sally came in to see me like they usually did in the evening. Both of them stopped dead in their tracks.

“Diane, you look hot, girl. Does the chief know you are dressed like that.” she asked.

“Yes he does. I fell asleep and didn't have time to change. So here I am. What are you doing?”

“Gil took both of us horseback riding today. Annie kissed Gil and rode on the same horse with him and she almost squeezed him to death.” teased Sally.

Then of all people, Amy came in. “Hi Sally, I saw you come in here. What's going on?”

Sally just pointed at me. Amy turned and said, “Hi”, and turned back and started talking to Sally again. “So I thought Dennis was going to be here tonight......Dennis! Is that you?” she exclaimed. “Oh my God it is you. And you look hot. Alright spill it, I want to know what's going on here. And where did you get that absolutely gorgeous dress and I adore the shoes.” She said as she made me turn all the way around. She looked around like she was seeing if anybody was looking and she pulled my skirt up to see if I was wearing panties. I tried to stop her but she did it so fast that I couldn’t, I must have been red as a tomato right then. Then she threw her arms around my neck and hugged me tight.

“Amy you are choking me. All right sit down.” I commanded.

“Dennis are you okay out there?” said John. And he came out of the back. “Nice dress, you look pretty tonight. So are you okay?”

“Thanks John I'm fine.” I said.

“Okay. I'll be in my cell if you need me.” and he turned and went back.

“Is that Big John?” asked Annie. “My Mom said I need to be real careful around him. She says he has a bad temper.”

“Only when he is drinking. When he’s sober he's the nicest guy.” I said. “Okay Amy. I am a boy who feels like a girl and I am turning into a girl because of an accident I had a while ago. I normally don't dress like this, but I fell asleep and woke up late so I had to come like this. I hope you understand.”

“I think I do, but I really think you should use a conditioner on your hair to give it more body. Oh and I love the ear rings. I am trying to get my mom to let me get my ears pierced I am so jealous. Do you like dressing like this? I know I would. So does anybody else know?” asked Amy.

“More and more people are learning about it, I won't be able to keep it a secret much longer at this rate.” I said. Ms. Givens came in with my corduroy pants and my saddle oxfords. I went into the bathroom and put them on. When I came out the phone rang and it was Sally's Mom.

“I am looking for my daughter, Sally, I understand that she stops in there to visit in the evening sometimes.”

“Yes mam she's right here would you like to speak to her?” I said.

“Yes please.” she said.

I handed the phone to Sally and she listened for a minute and then she said, “My mom is coming to get me she has something to do and I have to go with her.” Then she turned to me and said, “I liked it better when you had the dress on. We are going to have to figure out how to let you dress that way all the time. You are a totally different person when you are dressed like this.”

“Thank you, but that will come in time. Let's don't rush things.” I said.

“Yes let's respect her privacy right now and let her get back to work. Come on I'll give Annie and Amy a ride home and you can wait here for your mother.” said Ms. Givens and she took my dress and shoes and left with Annie and Amy.

Sally's mom showed up a few minutes later and when she came in, she looked at me and exclaimed. “Dennis I didn't think you were a boy not as pretty as you are.” Sally let out a sigh of relief. “What? Did you think I would scream at him or something? Not hardly. I think it takes a lot of courage to do what you are doing. I just wish Sally would bring you over to the house to meet us. I would like it if you came over some afternoon and let us get to know you.”

“Thank you I would like that.” I said and I felt a tear forming in my eyes.

“Don't cry.” Sally's mom said.

“I can't help it I am so happy right now.” I said.

She wiped the tears away and told me to come to the house some afternoon, then she said they had to go. She took Sally and left. I heard her mother in the car talking to Sally saying that I looked and acted better than she ever would have believed. I waved at Sally and she waved back and winked at me. This had turned out to be a good day. Thank you God.

Ms. Givens called a little later and told me to come to her house after work, “I called your Uncle and told him you would be staying here tonight and I would get you to school in the morning. I don't want you walking on the road that late at night.”

“I can get Danny to give me a ride home I don't want to be a burden to you.” I said.

“No, come to my house and that's final.” she ordered.

“Yes mam. “I said.

That night as I was doing some History homework John came out of the back and picked up my English Literature book and started reading. I looked over at him and saw him practically devouring the book. He was a fast reader also. He must have read two or three chapters in about thirty minutes then he put the book down and looked at me. “Can you get me some more books?”

“Sure, what kind do you like?”

“Tolstoy, I love Tolstoy.”

I almost fainted. “You like the classics.”

“I love them.” He said and had a wistful look. He looked like he was contemplating something in his mind that was deep and painful. “I used to read all the time and I even was a teacher up north at one point, but I got to drinking and this is where I ended up. I still love to read, but now I don’t have access to the books I love. I think that it is funny though, when I am reading I don’t drink.”

I made it a point to tell the Chief what John had told me and he started finding all sorts of books for him to read. John got a job in the Cotton Compress and as long as there were books, he stayed out of trouble and made a great worker. He finally decided to try to quit drinking and went to AA and got dried out and now he is one of the foremen at the compress.

I went over to Ms. Givens house that night after work. I walked over there and felt a little self-conscious about the fact that I was still wearing the lacy blouse, hose and my dark blue dress coat, but I didn't have a choice. As I turned one of the corners, I saw a figure standing next to one of the peeper’s victims houses. I moved over to a tree and stood behind it. The figure was watching through a lower window. He was dressed all in black and stood very still. Then he moved away and walked around behind the house. I crept down there just in time to see him pull aside some vines and go through a hedge. I followed and did the same. The vines looked like they formed a barrier but they had been cut to make a door. I saw the figure again, moving through the back yards. Whoever it was had a regular path and moved without difficulty. He wound up at a house with a shed in the back yard. He went in and came out a few minutes later without the black clothes on. It was Mr. Johnson. He went into the back door of his house and I saw the lights go out. I circled back and made it to Ms. Givens house. I told her what had just happened and called the Chief. He asked me to meet him tomorrow afternoon at the station and go with him to show him the path.

I took a bath and got ready for bed. I put my hair up in rollers and put on my night gown. I checked and made sure that my old clothes were still there. Ms. Givens had washed them and hung them up for me. We sat on the couch and watched a little TV and she made me do some math problems before going to bed. I had already read the paper at the station and looked over the business section. “Ms. Givens, how's it going with Mr. Ross?” I asked.

She smiled and hugged me close. “Honey I have never been as happy as I am now. He treats me like royalty and he told me the other day that he thinks that he has made a mistake about being gay. He even told me that he has never had gay sex because he believes that sex is for procreation only. That has been a real problem with me all along, but not now.”

“That's great. So when are you going to see him again?” I asked.

“Tuesday evening. He is coming down to see me and take us out to dinner after talking to you. So I want you on your best behavior,” and she tweaked my nose.

I giggled. “So do you think that I'm going to be a bad girl or something? Or do you think I'm going to try to take him away from you?”

“Don't even try.” she said and laughed. “So little sister it's time to go to bed. Scoot while I turn out the lights.”

Little sister that was something new. I liked it. The term seemed to define our relationship better than anything else I could think of. I mean we didn't have a sexual relationship even though she held me and kissed me a lot but it was more of a big sister type of hug and kiss. I felt as though she was lonely and I filled a need for her to have family. I was lonely and she filled a spot in my heart for family love. I guess in the beginning I was kind of turned on by her looks and the feel of her against me but that faded fast and was replaced by a nonsexual love that made me feel even better. The love of a sister not a lover. That was it. Julie was now like a sister to me, the sister I never had. Teaching me how to dress and act looking out for me.

I was in the bed and she came in to tuck me in and I reached up and put my arms around her neck and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “Thanks Sis. I love you very much.”

She sat down next to me. “Diane, my parents want to adopt you and give you everything that you deserve in life. Would you like that?”

“I have all that I need right now and I am happy here right now. I can't leave the farm. It's where I get my strength from, however if that changes then I would love to be their daughter and your sister.” I said. “I am finding more and more people that really don't care if I am a boy or a girl. They only want my personality and what is best for me. That's not to say there aren't people who have tried to make my life miserable but I am getting stronger and they don't bother me as much as they did. So I would like to stay here and live.”

“I understand honey. Go to sleep.” and she turned out the lights and went to her bed.

Chapter 20

I slept like a baby all night. I dreamed of Julie taking me on picnics and the people around me didn't care that I was dressed like a southern belle. They even gave me lots of comments. I did think that one of the dreams had me driving a tractor while wearing a dress was weird, but no one seemed to care about it. I guess I was dreaming about acceptance and how I would like the world to be.

I got up and got ready for school and was going to put on my old boy clothes and Ms. Givens stopped me and made me put on a pair of slacks and a blouse with my saddle oxfords. She also made me wear panties and a bra so I wouldn't sag. I was a little concerned about it, but she was insistent. So
I did. I did wear my old coat though and with it on you really couldn't tell that I had a bra on. Some of the guys kind of made snide comments, but I just ignored them. The biggest thing that got attention was my hair. it had curls and body in it and it definitely looked feminine and Carey even noticed and said that it looked cute.

“Diane, I wonder how you would look with one of our cheer outfits on? I mean you look hot right now especially with the way you have fixed your hair. And I love the pants and shirt. Oh my, you even have ear rings, how wonderful. Now if we could just get you to come in like this every day.” She took my hand and wouldn't let go until the bell rang.

I really needed to figure out how to stay cleaner. I believed that the reason I got so sick was because I wasn't able to stay clean. I didn't have access to a tub at the house, so that was out right now. I wondered if I could come in a little early and use the showers in the school? I was going to make a point to ask Mr. Alverez today. I didn't have to wait long to do it because he met me inside and asked to talk to me for a minute.

“Dennis/Diane which ever I want to talk to you about your personal hygiene or the lack of it. You are going to have to start taking a bath or shower I have gotten several complaints about you lately coming in with hay in your hair and being dirty. So if you could do something about it I would appreciate it very much.” he said.

“Yes sir. You see I don't have access to a bath at home and I was wondering today if I could come in early and use the shower in the gym?” I asked.

“Ralph takes a shower so why can't you?” he said.

I really didn't want to tell him, but I knew that I had to. “I don't live with him or Mom anymore. She has refused to have anything to do with me. So to have a place to live I have moved into the barn. I apologize for being so dirty all the time, but I can't help it right now.”

“How do you eat?” he asked.

“I found a part time job with the police department dispatching and cleaning the station at night and on the weekends and I make just enough to live on. Mostly I have enough to buy Smokey some food and have enough left over to eat on here at school.” I said.

“You know I have to report this to the Department of Human Services don't you?”

“No sir, I didn't know that, but it will be a moot point since I have filed to be declared an emancipated minor. At that point, I won't be under their jurisdiction. And I am working on the loft to make it more livable. In the spring I am going to run some water from the farm well to the barn and put in a tub so I can take a bath.” I said.

“Alright I am going to let you use the shower in the morning and I will hold off on reporting your situation, but I need to know when you hear about the emancipation thing. Now get going or you are going to be late for class and I will have to put up with you in detention.”

“Yes sir.” and started to leave.

“Oh I really like your hair it looks nice.” he said and turned and walked away. Mr. Alverez was a really confusing person.

That afternoon I went up to the station and met the chief and showed him the path that I had found. Then we went to the other two women's homes that we knew he was frequenting and looked around them and found the paths that he was using to get to their houses. I had to admit that he was creative and had found ways of disguising them so they wouldn't be seen without somebody really looking hard for them. He was taking me out to my home when he got a call that someone was trying to rob one of the liquor stores in town. Instead of dropping, me off he took me with him and handed me the shotgun. I really didn't want to touch it, but I figured he wouldn't understand so I took it and walked in behind him. He was a big man so when I was behind him I couldn't be seen. The robber suddenly jumped up from behind a counter and yelled at him to stop. I moved behind one of the shelves just inside the door and could see a hand holding a sawed off shotgun.

The Chief started trying to talk the man into dropping the gun and going peacefully, but it was pretty certain that the guy wasn't going to do it. He seemed to be sweating real hard and was shaking and was nervous. This went on for a while. People were trying to get into the store even though there was a man with a gun inside. I turned and told them to move on, but one of then told me you aint the pol-lice. I don't have to listen to you. That was when I noticed that he had a pistol tucked in his pants. I pointed the shotgun at him and told him to drop the gun. He stopped then and I could tell he was thinking about it hard. He started to move off, but I ordered him to drop the gun again and racked a shell in the chamber. I guess that spooked the robber because he threw down his gun and gave up. The guy that I was facing started to reach for the pistol in his waist band, but I stopped him and told him to use his other hand and only use his thumb and forefinger to pull it out. The crowd had backed up from him and he was completely alone. The chief was bringing out the robber and saw me facing down this guy. He was staring at me hard and finally reached down with his left hand and pulled out the pistol with his thumb and forefinger and dropped it on the ground. The crowd cheered as I walked out and made him get on his knees and put his hands behind his head. I picked up the pistol and put it in my back pocket.

The chief walked by me and said, “Damn fine job. Now put him in the car.”

It turned out that they were working together. The one I got was to take the police out when they showed up, however he screwed up and let the Chief in before he could stop him and he wasn’t counting on me being there. The first one was a heroin addict, which was why he was acting the way he was. He needed a fix. Chief had me to ride with him to the station where he booked both of them in and then asked if a deputy could come and get them and take them to the county jail to await trial. I told the Chief I would walk home since he was going to be busy for a while. Instead, he called and got one of the state troopers to give me a ride home.

The next day Mrs. Johnson wasn't at school. Annie told me Mr. Johnson got caught peeping in someone’s window and was in jail and that he tried to fight the police.

I had started out to school a lot earlier than usual so I could take a shower and get cleaned up early. I felt so much better being clean. I even had time to dry my hair and style it a little. I had to put a head band on to keep my hair out of my face revealing my ear rings. That might have been a mistake because the guys really razzed me about them. Although I got a real surprise when one of the seniors told me that they looked great and he wanted to get some when he left for college at the end of the year. He said his parents wouldn't let him get any while he was at home. I guess being independent wasn't all that bad after all.

Ms. Givens saw me in the hall that morning. “Hi Sis. Are you back in the house?”

“No mam. Why?” I said.

“You are cleaner and don't have any hay in your hair.” she said.

“I talked to Mr. Alverez yesterday and he gave me permission to use the shower in the gym in the morning before school. I feel better being clean. I have found a bucket and I am able to wash my clothes in it. I really liked wearing the slacks and blouse yesterday though. Not to change the subject, but Annie told me Mr. Johnson got caught last night and is in jail, is that right?” I asked.

“Yes, that is the rumor. I haven't actually heard if it is true or not. I hope they did catch him. I found a spot on one of my windows where someone had tried to open it. By the way I understand that you had a rather exciting afternoon yesterday.” she asked with a concerned look on her face.

“Yes mam, the Chief was taking me home when he got a call to a robbery. He got the one in the store and I got his partner that was standing outside. I have to admit it was exciting, but I really don't want to do it again. I think I would rather be a model. That was much more exciting and safer.” I said.

“Honey, I want you to be careful. I know he didn't mean to put you in harm’s way, but it happened.” she said.

“I know but things turned out alright. That’s all that counts isn't it?”

“Yes I guess. Have you done your homework for this evening?”

“Yes mam. I have, but I am still a little short on the story. I only have three of the five pages you asked for. I really am having a lot of trouble writing about living in a barn. I mean there is only so much to say about it.”

“Try fleshing it out some with your feelings instead of just what you see and can touch.”

“Okay I'll try.”

“Good, now scat you have to go to class.”

That afternoon I met Ms. Givens at her car and went to her house as usual on Tuesday. She seemed to be preoccupied about something. “Julie, is something wrong? You seem to be thinking about something serious.”

“Diane I have to talk to you seriously after the lesson today.” she said and went quiet.

I didn't pursue the subject. I knew it was bad I just hoped it wouldn't be so bad that I couldn't handle it. She looked like the whole world was caving in on her and she didn't know what to do. I wondered why she wasn't at band practice to supervise. Then it came to me. The Department of Human Services they must have been called after all, but by who?

Chrissy and Mrs. Killibrew were at the house when we got there. Mrs. Killibrew and Ms. Givens went in to the bedroom and closed the door after Chrissy and I were given our assignments. Then Mrs. Killibrew came out and called her husband and asked him to come to the house right away.
I got up and walked to the bedroom and found Ms. Givens sitting on the edge of the bed crying.

“Okay I need to know what is going on. And I have the right to know, now.” I said.

“I guess that you are right. This afternoon Mr. Alverez called me into his office and told me that Mr. Johnson had said that I was having sex with you, Annie and Sally. The Sheriff’s department called your mother and found out that, you were living in the barn and that she had no contact with you at all and that it was your decision to have it that way. They called the Department of Human Services and they are on the way to pick you up as a delinquent minor. They are going to send you to a holding facility for as long as it takes to conduct an investigation.” I am supposed to keep you here until they show up and if I let you get away, they are going to file a complaint with the school board and get me fired. I'm so sorry. I don't know what to do.” she said. “I understand that they are going to take Annie and Sally also. Mr. Alverez doesn't think that they can keep Annie or Sally for more than a few hours, but you are going to probably be committed to a juvenile facility until you are eighteen. He was very upset by this and has contacted the school's lawyer and the board of education in the capital. So far he hasn't heard anything back from them.”

The phone rang and Mrs. Killibrew answered it. She said it was a man and he wanted to talk to me. “Hello.” I said.

“Listen very carefully and don't say anything. I want you to go out the back door and go to the next street where you will be met by someone you know and trust. He will take you to a place where you can hide for a little while until I can get this sorted out. The women from DHS will be there in about five minutes. Go and good luck.” and he hung up.

I walked by my coat and stood there for a few seconds and then I grabbed it up and ran out the back door. I did as I was told and there was the chief sitting there. I ran up to the car and got in the front seat. He didn't say anything, but he waved me down in the seat so I couldn't be seen. The car started moving and after a while, he spoke. “You saved my bacon yesterday and you are a great dispatcher so I owe you. I don't like those women. They come in and make all sorts of demands and if they don't get what they want then they start threatening. Don't worry Annie and Sally have already been moved out of town. They are safe. Johnson isn't though. He said all of that stuff to Clyde’s investigator to get a deal. Then the investigator called DHS to have you taken away. Now I want you to understand this. You have not seen me nor anybody else who is going to give you a ride to safety. I know how the DHS works. They will put you in a juvenile detention center and once every week they will come in and ask you to tell the truth, but the truth that they want is a lie and if you don't tell them what they want to hear you will be put back with the general population. They will shave your head and make you wear a prison uniform. The kids in there are pretty bad and some of the guards are worse. So stay low until you hear from someone that you know personally.”

We drove north and were met by another man who I recognized as a deputy from the next county. He was not in a patrol car but a private vehicle. Chief made me put a pair of big sunglasses on and a hooded jacket. I got out and got in the back seat of his car and he drove me to another place on the interstate. Another man met us and I got in with him and he drove me to Dyersburg where he dropped me off and gave me a piece of paper and money for a bus ticket. I didn't talk to him and he didn't say a word. I caught the bus to the address on the piece of paper. I was met at the bus station in Jackson and taken to a home somewhere outside of Jackson. The people only gave me their first names and set me up in a room in the back. They told me I had to lay low for a while and that I couldn't leave the house except at night. They both seemed real nice and treated me well. I found out that he was a security guard at night and she worked in a store during the day. I also found out that they had a boy who was taken by DHS because of a false complaint and he was killed waiting on the “investigation” while being held in a juvenile detention center in my home state.

I was there about a week waiting to hear something when the woman called me to the phone one afternoon. “Diane, you can come home now. Call your lawyer to let him know when you are going to be back.” and the phone went dead.

I called Mr. Rosenthal at his home. He answered the phone. “Hello.”

“Mr. Rosenthal this is Dennis. Can I come home now?”

“Yes. I have gotten a restraining order to prevent the DHS battle axes from taking you and the man who made the complaint is now being held in jail without bond. The Sheriff has called in the State Police to investigate and they have found no truth to the charges against Ms. Givens or you. I am sorry that this had to happen, but I have found that DHS is not exactly a reliable agency and I knew that once they had you they couldn't be compelled to reveal your location to anyone. It is for the safety of children who really need to be protected. Although I have found that sometimes, where they send the children is more dangerous. I will be looking forward to seeing you soon.” and he hung up. He didn't ask where I was or how I knew it was safe I guessed that he knew more than he could tell.

Chapter 21

The people put me on a bus that went to Memphis the next morning. “I know that you lost a son to the cruelty of the juvenile system. I want you to know that I appreciate your kindness while I stayed at your home.” and I hugged them both. The man started crying and his wife had to pull him away.

I got on the bus and rode to Memphis. When the bus pulled into the station, I saw Mr. and Mrs. Givens waiting in the station. I got off the bus and she grabbed me up and hugged me. Mr. Givens gave me a big hug and took me to the car. They didn't ask any questions about how I got away and I didn't offer any information about it. They drove me to Ms. Givens home and when we got there, she was waiting for me.

I almost got knocked down by her when she ran up to me, she threw her arms around my neck and hugged me. We both just stood there and cried in each-other’s arms. I had missed her so much. Then the Chief walked up and patted me on the back. “Uh Dennis. I need to question you about how you got away.” and he flicked his head back toward two women in business clothes who were carrying brief cases and these big shoulder bags that the police called shop lifters bags.

“I'm Mrs. Merrill from the Department of Human Services. I'm afraid that you will need to go with me we have some questions for you.” she said rather snootily.

“Mam, Dennis isn't going anywhere with you and if you try I will arrest you for violating a restraining order. Do you understand.” said the chief very menacingly. Then he leaned in close and told them “Go ahead make my day.”

“Officer if you interfere I will call and have you fired.” she threatened.

“Go ahead. I have already talked to the mayor and he said for me to enforce the restraining order which by the way I have a copy of right here. It says you may not have any contact with Dennis Allen without the presence of his attorney or the issuing judge. If you come any closer I will be more than glad to let you call whoever you want from the county lockup.” growled the chief. “Now leave!” The two of them got in their car and left pronto. “You know it was a peculiar thing that happened the other day. Every deputy in three counties all got busy at the same time and the Trooper’s car ran out of gas down south so no one could help them. Be at work on time for a change. You were two minutes late the other day and my wife was hopping mad. Oh and the mayor said you can wear anything you want.” Then he tipped his hat and left. I had a lot of respect for that man from then on. I hated it when the State Police called and put him on the force.

“I have missed you all so much.” I said. “Especially you Julie. They didn't try to fire you because I took off out the back door did they?”

“Come on in and I will tell you what happened.” she said while walking me into the house. We sat down at the kitchen table and Defiance came running up to me and jumped on me. He ran all over me until I caught him and held him gently in my hand and petted him.

Annie and Sally came running into the house and hugged me. Both were asking me about a dozen questions a minute and Julie had to stop them. Ms. Givens asked, “Would anybody like something to drink before i tell my story?” and she got a resounding No! From us all.

“So what happened.” I asked.

“Well it seems as though Mr. Alverez called the president of the school board and was told that I would not be fired under any circumstances and the state board said the same thing. As a matter of a fact, they took great offense to a teacher being accused of such things by a pervert like Johnson. The Governor got involved and made it clear that the DHS couldn't go around threatening people just because they didn't get their way. Mr. Killibrew and Mr. Rosenthal both have gotten the State Attorney General’s office to agree to investigate the DHS. So I don't think that they will be a problem anymore.” She informed us.

I stayed there as long as I could stand it and asked if I could go home. I really missed Smokey and wanted to see him. Mr. Givens said he would take me. Ms. Givens gave me some clean clothes to take with me so I would be nice in the morning. I gave her a big hug and Mr. Givens took me home.

“Diane, I really wish you would consider letting us adopt you and come live with us. I miss having kids in the house and I miss you. I know you love that farm and want to stay on it but please give our offer some consideration.” he said.

“I will.” I said.

“By the way your latest stock pick exploded.” he said.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“That penny stock and the other one have both tripled in value and you now are worth over forty thousand dollars. You are the best investment I have ever made.” he said.

At the house, Smokey came running up to the car barking. I got out and he jumped up and I caught him in my arms. I had forgotten that he was too big for that and the two of us fell to the ground. He licked my face all over and we rolled on the ground for a few seconds. I was so happy to see him again.

“You know, I see now why you needed to come home. There's nothing like having a friend like him.” exclaimed Mr. Givens with a smile. Then Smokey let him pet him. I was really afraid that he was going to bite him but he didn't.

I thanked Mr. Givens and took Smokey and went to the barn. Mr. Givens asked to see the barn. So I showed it to him. He seemed impressed with the work that I had done. He also seemed real interested in the construction of the barn. We talked for a few minutes then he said he had to go and hugged me good bye.

A few days later, a man showed up and asked to measure the barn and take some pictures. I didn't see why not. So I let him. He said he was an architect student and he wanted to study the construction of the barn. I thought it odd though when he wanted to know where the farm well was.

The next day I got up and left for school early and took a shower in the gym. I pulled out the clothes that Ms. Givens had given me and found that there was a pretty blue blouse and a pair of bell bottom jeans along with a pair of ankle socks and under wear. I put them on and was putting my stuff from my other clothes in the pockets and found a note in the back pocket.

“Diane I saw these and thought of how cute you would look in them.” Love Miranda.

That was the nicest thing she could have done for me. To leave that note where I would find it. She was wonderful. I teared up for a minute overcome with happiness to have a friend like her. I was standing there looking at the note not paying attention to the fact that someone had walked in.

“Hey girl, I didn't know you were in here.” said Amy.

I hadn't put my jeans on yet and was standing there in my panties. Amy came up to me and reached down while I was trying to get the jeans on and she felt my bottom. “I love those panties. Does the bra match?” she asked.

“Yes they are the same color and pattern.” I said. “What are you doing in here?”

“I have to get the gym open we are going to have a special practice this morning. Oh and you have to be here. It's during the lunch period. So don't forget.” and she went on and took care of whatever she was here for.

I brushed my hair and put it up in a ponytail. It was about time for class so I put my dirty clothes in my back pack and started to leave when I heard heavy breathing coming from around the corner. I peeked and saw Amy and her boyfriend doing some really heavy petting. I didn't say anything and left quietly. I met Sally and Annie outside the building and we talked about the practice that we were having. Carey came up and told us that our sponsor had gotten us a spot in a cheering competition and that we were going to have to learn a dance for it. She looked at me and asked, “You do know how to dance don't you?”

“I have never danced before.” I admitted.

“Well don't worry we will teach you.” she said.

Mr. Alverez was standing by the door as we filed in to go to class. “Diane you look lovely today.” He said and Annie and Sally giggled and nudged me.

“Can you believe he called you by your girl name. I like it. Now we just have to get you a cheer skirt to go with the top.” She said.

At lunch Carey told the rest of us what was going on. She also said that the three guys would need a lot of work learning how to dance for the contest. She also said that if we won we would have a chance to go to a three state competition in Memphis. I could tell she really wanted to go to it. She set up a practice schedule for three times a week and then as the competition got, closer it was going to be a four day schedule.

I was already busy enough, what with filling in the cracks in the walls and floors of the barn and working on the weekends and having to do extra work two times a week. I was starting to think that I was going to be a little overloaded. I was reminded that this week was Thanksgiving and we were going to be off Thursday through Sunday. Carey though had scheduled a practice session on Thursday evening and on Friday evening. I wasn't going with Ms. Givens so I knew I would be able to go to them. I wasn't doing anything on either day anyway so it really wasn't a problem. That afternoon I stayed in town and asked Ms. Givens if I could use her telephone to talk to Mr. Washington. When I talked to him, he asked me if everything was going ok and that he needed to see me one day soon. I told him I wasn't going to be with Ms. Givens for the holiday, but I would make arrangements to try to come up the next weekend on Saturday for the day. I explained that I had a weekend job that kept me in food and basics. That was when he told me he could cash out some of my stocks and send the money to me the next day I thought about it for a second and agreed to take a thousand dollars out. He told me to go to the bank tomorrow and pick up the money. I told him I wanted him to sell and put the proceeds on two other stocks that I had been watching. One was a biomedical company and the other was a banking firm. He questioned me about it, but said he would do it.

“Thank you for letting me use the phone to call Mr. Washington.” I said.

She walked up to me and hugged me close. “I am so glad you are back. I was worried about you so much.” she said. Instead of letting me go, she just continued to hug me and stroke my hair. The she let go and said. “Why don't you go to the grocery store with me. I would love the company. I don't have to pick up a lot since I'm not going to be here this week end, but I need some things.”

“I'm sorry I have to go and make sure that I am still scheduled for this weekend.” I really wanted to go with Julie, but I had to take care of business first.

“I understand, but I want you to be careful up there.” she said.

“I promise. I won't get in to any fights or anything like that.” I said. She tweaked my nose and I left to go check the schedule.

I met the chief at the police department and he looked unhappy. “Dennis the mayor got a phone call from our insurance carrier today and I'm afraid that I am going to have to let you go. They say that you aren't old enough to be doing dispatch work. I'm sorry. I fought it hard but they wouldn't budge on the issue.”

So I had been fired. Now I was going to have to find another job to live on. Well at least I could go to Memphis and meet with Mr. Washington and find out what he needed. I was walking out of town and met Sally walking down the street.

“Hello. Good looking. You looking for a date?” she said.

“Well I wouldn't mind hooking up with a really wild chick.”

“You found one. I have been known to do three at a time.” she joked.

“Well then let's go.” I said.

“Great let's go to Amy's house. That's where I was going anyway. She wants to work on some clothes.” she said.

“I guess that is better than working on her boyfriend.” I said.

“And what does that mean?” asked Sally.

“I caught the two of them just about to do 'it' the other day in the gym. She doesn't know I saw her.” I said. “I can't for the life of me see why she would take such a risk right there in school. What if one of the coaches had caught her. They would have suspended both of them.”

“Well, ya'll talk about me being boy crazy but she is really crazy. I caught her with one of the seventh graders last year. And she wasn't being very ladylike at all. Don't say anything about that she doesn’t think anyone knows. Speaking of not thinking anyone knows, I saw Clement and Rory making out this afternoon between classes. Rory had Clement backed up in the corner by the home economics building and had his hand in Clements pants. It was so gross to see.”

“Eeewwwhh!!! That's so nasty.” I said. “I can't believe that Clement is gay. I thought he was dating Sylvia?” I said.

“He was. That was what has me blown away, but I can tell you that he was enjoying it just as much as Rory. I always figured that Rory was gay but Clement. Naw couldn't be. You don't think he is like Ted and just doesn't know what he is, do you?”

“Could be. Or maybe he just hasn't met the right girl.” I said.

“What are you?” asked Sally.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Are you gay”

“I don't know. I know I absolutely love it when you hold my hand or kiss me. Although I am so confused. I know I am growing up to be a woman and so are you, so what does that make us? I am so afraid that I am going to hurt you and I don't want to. This has been the worst year I have ever had. My grandfather died, I was almost beaten to death and I have killed two men. Oh and not to mention being accused of having sex with my teacher and my friends for money. Now I am wondering if I am gay and I don't know how to find out. Shoot I don't want to find out. I would just as soon as not have sex, than to have it and be wrong.” I said.

Sally took my hand with her warm soft hand. I was enthralled by her touch and by her smell. The way she looked with her hair blowing around her face. I still got the feeling like I was going to faint just by something as simple as holding my hand. I still saw the face of an angel every time I saw her. I still melted when she smiled at me.

“Have you been over to Ms. G.'s.” she asked.

“Yeah I had to use the phone and she let me use hers she asked me if I wanted to go to the grocery store with her. I needed to find out if I was on the schedule so I went by the station and the chief told me I couldn't work there anymore because the insurance company says I am too young. So I'm back to trying to find a way to live again.” I said. For some reason I just couldn't put the money that I was getting with money that I could use to live on. It was like I had a block about using it to live on.

Amy was so glad to see me. She invited us both in and took us into her bedroom. She had several things laid out on the bed and asked us to help her pick out what to wear to the sports banquet in Charlestown on Saturday night. She said that Jerry, her boyfriend, not the jerk Jerry, was in the group that was being honored by the local sports writers and it was supposed to be a big shindig. She picked out a really short dress that left very little to the imagination and started stripping right then and there to try it on. I eased out the door to let her change. More to protect me than her. I knew that even though I was looking like a girl and acting like one, I was still considered a boy and it wouldn't look good for me to be around a naked teenage girl. Amy put the dress on and I went back in to see what it looked like.

To be honest I was appalled by it. It was red and slinky, rather tight and showed a lot of leg and cleavage. She looked like a whore on the street. I just knew she was going to ask me what I thought of it and I was going to hurt her feelings when I answered honestly. I had to think of a way to make her understand that it was not the thing to wear to a banquet especially one that carried such importance for Jerry. I had asked around about Jerry and found out that his parents were very conservative and being with someone dressed like that would make them very uncomfortable and possibly would make them call a halt to the relationship. I was saved once again by Sally who practically ordered her to take it off. The ensuing argument got pretty heated for a few minutes.

“Sally, you are just jealous because you can't go to the banquet too. I mean Diane isn't a football player and you can't go.” said Amy.

“That is not the reason and you know it.” exclaimed Sally. “You look like a tramp in that thing. What are you wanting to do have sex on the table in the middle of the banquet? Because that's the message you're giving out.”

“Diane what do you think. Do I look like a tramp?” asked Amy.

I didn't know what to do so I took her hands in mine and looked into her eyes and said, “Amy I know you want to have sex with Jerry and he knows it, but there is no need in making it look like you are wanting to screw every boy in town. And I don't think he will appreciate you looking like you do. I know you have a knock out body and a wonderful personality that I love, but I wish you would reconsider your choice in dresses. Do you think his parents will approve of it and do you think they would let him see you anymore if they saw you out in public dressed like that. Please reconsider.”

“She started crying. I put my arms around her and held her tight and Sally joined in. “Amy I am so sorry I said what I said. Please forgive me.” she said.

“I do.” Amy said.

“Now can we find you something a little more appropriate?” said Sally.

“Yes let’s do.” said Amy.

We looked through everything she had and nothing looked good enough. I was thinking that this might be a dead end when I remembered one of the dresses that Mrs. Givens had sent to me. “Can you dry your eyes long enough to walk up to Ms. Givens house for a few minutes. Even though you look rather hot with raccoon eyes from your make up being smeared.”

She smacked me on the arm and gave me a bite me look. So I did. Not hard just a little nip on the nose. “What did you do that for?” she demanded.

“You gave me a bite me look so I did. And I might add you taste good.” I smirked. I got smacked again but this time by Sally who crossed her arms and patted her foot. “Uh, come on let’s get you into something else. Before I need an ambulance.” I said.

Before I could say anything else, Amy said. “The only way I will go with you is if you let me dress you up first. Now strip.” She said and Sally nodded her head in agreement and giggled.

“Now wait a minute this isn’t exactly appropriate. What if your Mom or Dad come in?” I said trying to get out of it.

“Mom knows about you and Dad is at work so strip or we will do it for you.” Amy said.

Sally joined in. “Oh never mind let’s do it for him anyway.” And reached out to start unbuttoning my shirt.

“I’ll do it, but at least let me get undressed in the bathroom.” I pleaded.

I took off my shirt and pants in the bathroom and Amy pulled out a cheerleader outfit that had a skirt instead of pants and I took it through the door. I put it on and knew it was too short for casual use but just right for cheering and after I put it on she put on a pair of pants and a top. Then she and Sally fixed my hair by putting Blue and White ribbons in my hair and a little eye makeup and declared that they were ready to go. Then Amy stopped me and put on some lipstick on me. I was thinking that this was getting out of hand. We were going out the door and Carey met us on the side walk. She stopped and stared at me. Then she threw her arms around my neck and said. “This has just solved my problem.”

We looked at each other in confusion. “What problem?” I asked.

“Marian had to quit today because her parents are leaving town to take a job out west. You can take her place without any problem. You look great in that dress. What do we call you.” said Carey.

Sally spoke up and said. “Cary meet Diane.”

Carey covered her mouth in surprise at the realization that I had been using that name for a while. “I kind of thought that you were turning into a girl this year but now my suspicions have been confirmed. Welcome to girlhood sweetheart. So why are you wearing that right now?”

Amy told her the story and asked her to come along with us. I was surprised that Carey accepted me so readily. I really thought that she would be the one that I would have the most trouble with. As it was, she was the most accepting of them all. She seemed overjoyed for me. She also seemed to be the most informed on the subject. She told me that before her parents had moved here she knew a boy who was going through the same problems as I. She said his parents sent him to a church camp that had shaved his head and he lost all of his beautiful long blond hair and that they had beaten him daily and made him stand up in front of all the others and declare that he was a sinner. He had said that there were about twenty guys about his age who were gay or wanting to change their sex or into drugs. They were all kept there for about six months at a time and had a tough time of it. She said he got out and started letting his hair grow out again and began to dress again and then one day he ran away. She had gotten a letter from him one day from San Francisco and he was doing a lot better living on the streets as a prostitute than he ever did at home. He asked that she destroy the letter so his parents wouldn't know where to find him on the off chance that the letter was discovered.

“I can relate to his misery. I am very lucky to have friends like you that care for me and protect me when I need it. You don't know how much better I am since I have come to know all of you.” I declared.

“Diane, I personally don't see a problem with you. You aren't doing it to attract attention to yourself and I don't believe that you are doing it to have sex with Sally.” and Carey grinned. “Although, I don't think you would have a lot of problems getting it.” Sally gave her a dirty look for that. “But you have to know some people are very unhappy with you right now. For instance, I overheard one of the busybodies in the church my parents make me go to talking about you and it wasn't very Christian like. She said you needed to be driven out of town because you were a pervert who screwed little boys in the butt and used the dress as a disguise to be able to lure girls into immoral relations. I got mad and told her she was full of shit and I got a spanking for that. Not for telling her off, but saying the word shit.”

“Let me guess it was Mrs. Carmichal. She has been saying some rather nasty things about me lately.” I said.

“Yes that's her. The Bitch! She walks around with that Bible acting all sweet and innocent ,when she is really a demon.” said Carey. “Dad has already had a run in with her that got pretty heated because she thought my dress was entirely to revealing and she demanded that he make me wear something, conservative? Dad told her to and I quote “suck his dick.”

“I like your dad.” I said.

“He would like you too. He likes independent people who speak their minds. I think he was a beat nick in college. A free spirit who wrote poetry and drank a lot of coffee. Mom is just like him. When she found out what happened, Dad had to keep her from going out and beating the crap out of her. Since then when Mrs. Carmichal tries to suck up to Mom, my Mom gives her the finger and walks away. The funny thing is that I have seen some of the other ladies in the church doing the same thing.” said Carey.

We turned the corner to Ms. Givens house and speak of the devil Mrs. Carmichal came up behind us and stopped the car. “Girls just what do you think you are doing out at this time of the evening walking without a parent. Do your parents know where you are?” We just glared at her and didn't say a word. “Well answer me!”

Carey was the first. She held up the middle finger of her right hand and the rest of us did the same. I thought Mrs. Carmichal was going to have a stroke. She turned red and started huffing and blowing and drove off. We all laughed hard as she drove away.

Ms. Givens invited us in and commented on the cheerleader outfit looking good on me. I asked if I could show Amy one of the dresses that her mother had sent. “Why of course you can they belong to you.”

“How long have you known about Diane?” asked Carey.

“I discovered it, but I don't tell anybody. I have found out that it‘s better if the fewer know the better. I couldn't help notice that Mrs. Carmichal stopped and talked to you down the street. I was getting my coat to come and get you away from her. She is a mean and hateful woman and you have to be careful around her. She is full of righteous indignation and she doesn't mind causing anybody trouble if she can, even if she is wrong. She will twist it and turn it until it looks like she is right. So what is the dress for.

“It’s for a banquet and dance in Charlestown where Jerry is going to be given a football award by the local sports writers.” said Amy.

“OOOh, I heard about that today. He's getting player of the year or something like that isn't he?” said Ms. Givens.

“Yeah something like that and I need a dress.” said Amy.

“Take her into your room and show her the dress that Mother sent.” said Ms. Givens.

I took them into the spare bed room, I had never heard it called my room before. That was a surprise. I pulled out a party dress that was stunning. It was an ivory colored ankle length dress that was made from what looked like a sparkly material and it was a sheath dress that had a collar with a keyhole opening in the front and was sleeveless. A matching purse was with it. I just loved it and knew that it would look great on Amy especially since she had the body for it. She didn't need any augmentation anywhere to make it look great. I told her to try it on. She pulled her top off and dropped her pants and stepped out of them she took the dress and pulled it on, Carey zipped up the back. She walked out to the hall where the full length mirror was. She looked great and with her hair up, she would look five years older and very much a lady. Someone that anybody would love to be seen with.

“Oh Diane, this is wonderful. I can’t accept this.” Amy gushed.

“Yes you can and you will. Amy you look so beautiful in that dress and I know Jerry will appreciate it also.” I replied. “What do you think Sally?”

She looked at Amy with a rather peculiar look and said. “I think she is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen.”

“Well I think you are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen period.” I said as I stared at her hoping she had taken the hint. I really wanted to get to know her and I wasn’t exaggerating at all when I said I thought she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen.

“Hmm, it looks like you have an ardent admirer Sally.” Cary smirked.

Sally blushed a deep red and looked away for a second. She turned back and smiled at me and I blushed then. “I think that Diane is wonderful myself.”

Amy took the dress and she and Carey carried it back home with them. I stayed behind with Sally and changed back into my blouse and pants. I hung up the cheerleader outfit and Ms. Givens offered to fix us something to eat, but Sally said she had to go home her mother would be looking for her. I told her I would walk her home since it was getting dark. “I think that would be a great idea especially with Mrs. Carmichael cruising the streets in search of wayward teenagers.” Sally wanted me to meet her parents, but I remembered that I had makeup on and didn't think it was such a good idea. I asked to do it another time, however she wouldn't hear of it. So in I went. Sally stopped me and had me to take off my shoes and put on a pair of slippers that they kept by the door. I thought that was kind of strange, but I found out why in a few minutes. Her mother, got up and hugged me and her sister gave me a hug also. Her father wasn't home yet so I don't know how he would have reacted. Sally told her about Mrs. Carmichal and about how rude she was. Sally's Mother thanked me for walking Sally home and then she asked me to wait right there for a minute.

We heard her mother giving Mrs. Carmichal a good cussing on the phone and she told her that the next time she spoke to Sally or Liz she was going to call the police, and she slammed the telephone down on her. She came back in and announced that she felt better now than she had in a while. She was a hoot and I really liked her. Sally wanted me to see her bedroom and her Mother had no objections to it. Sally practically drug me down the hall into her room. I couldn’t help but notice that the whole house was neat as a pin.

I thought Ms. Givens room was neat, but Sally’s room was the neatest and cleanest room I had ever been in in my life. She had dolls lined up on the shelves and they were put there in order of size with a small one in the middle and they progressed to each end to the biggest. She had books of all type lined up on shelves in alphabetical order on one side of the room and had a desk next to the window that had all of her school supplies neatly placed on it. I saw magazines that were arranged according to name and they were alphabetized. Her bed was made up and had a comforter and dust ruffle on it that matched the color of the walls and two big fluffy pillows. This was a far cry from what I saw at school where her books were stuffed with papers and her shoe was untied on occasion. “My Mom is a neat freak.” She said.

I just nodded and stared at it.

“I drive her crazy sometimes, because I won’t make up my bed or put my dirty clothes in the hamper. Still it makes it a lot easier to find things because of the way they are organized. Watch this.” And she sat on the bed and patted the bed next to her. I sat down and she wiggled around for a second and then she got up and pulled me up. I started to smooth out the wrinkles, but Sally stopped me and called for her Mom.

Her Mom came in to see what she wanted and Sally said. “Never mind I found it.” Her Mother immediately went to the bed and smoothed out the wrinkles and made sure that the comforter and dust ruffle were the proper height from the floor.

Her Mom stopped and looked at me and walked over and pulled a stray thread from my collar. “There all better.” And she left.

“See what I mean.” Sally said. “Dad says she has an obsessive-compulsive disorder and has her see a doctor for it. I don’t mind though because I love her anyway.”

I just nodded. I was so amazed at what I had just seen I couldn’t speak. I was afraid to sit down anywhere because of it. I was afraid she would come and make me sit a certain way and make sure I didn’t wrinkle anything. “So does she get violent or anything with this?”

“No, but she and Dad have to have a talk every now and then to get her back on track. Now you see why I don’t bring many of my friends over, it’s kind of embarrassing really. When she is really bad, she will straighten your clothes and ask to clean your shoes. Right now she is doing pretty good.”

“So does she do this out in public?” I asked.

“Sometimes when we go to the grocery store she will arrange the cans on the shelf or the fruits and vegetables to make them look prettier. The store manager used to get really angry about it, but Dad went and talked to him about it and now he just smiles at her and does his best to get her to not focus on the arrangement, but on what she needs and it helps. Would you stay and have supper with us? Please.” Sally begged.

“Do you think it is alright? I mean I won’t upset her will I?”

“No if that was going to happen then it would have already happened. When she hugged you, I knew that she liked you. You see she has touching issues that are part of her condition and she doesn’t like to be touched. I really think it would help if you stayed. We don’t get a lot of company.” Sally looked sad.

I realized that it was the first time I had ever seen her sad and I couldn’t help myself, I reached out and pulled her to me and gave her a hug. “Sure, but can we offer to help cook or clean up afterward?” I said while holding her to me. She looked up at me with those big blue eyes of hers and just stared at me.

“I think that would be great. Thanks for holding me. I needed it right now.” She said.

“No, I am the fortunate one here for getting the opportunity to hold you. I don’t think you have any idea what you do to me. I get all fuzzy feeling and feel like I am running a fever just when you touch my hand. When I hold you I almost feel like I am going to faint. I guess I shouldn’t be telling you this since it isn’t what boys are supposed to do.” I stammered.

“You know I don’t care what the others say I think you are very special and I think it is wonderful to hear such honesty.” Sally said and leaned in and kissed me.

I very nearly fainted right then and had to sit down for a minute while I calmed down. “I think we had better go see about helping your mother before I lose all control here.”

“I don’t think that would be a bad thing at all.” Sally giggled and grabbed my hand and pulled me up. “I would love it if you did lose control, but only with me.”

I just nodded and looked into her face and marveled at the precious girl in front of me. I was falling hard here even though I was still confused about my own gender. Was I a lesbian or just a boy who liked to wear girls clothes. I was so confused over the whole thing. Sally indicated that we needed to go and I followed her willingly back to the kitchen.

We went into the kitchen where her Mom was and Sally asked if I could stay for dinner. Her Mom looked at me with a scared look then as suddenly as it appeared it disappeared and she smiled. “You know I think that is a wonderful idea. Diane do you like macaroni and cheese?”

“Yes mam I do, but would let us fix it for you so we can visit while we cook?” I asked.

“I will, if you need any help just call.” Her Mom said.

We went into the kitchen and we heard her Mom on the phone talking to her Dad telling him that he needed to be on time since they had company tonight and that we were making dinner. Then she went into the living room and turned on the TV and left us alone. Sally’s sister came in and asked what we were doing.

“We are making macaroni and cheese for dinner and you can make the salad and the tea.” Sally said.

“Does Mom know about this?” Liz asked.

“As a matter of a fact she does and she agreed to it.” Sally answered. “I think that this a day for a celebration, how about if we make some green beans and creamed corn to go with it.”

Liz looked at her and smiled. “I would love some creamed corn. Diane are you staying for supper?”

“Yes, I am.” I answered.

“Yes, then I want to talk to you.” Liz announced.

“Oh no you don’t.” Sally said.

“Oh yes I do. Tell me Diane have you kissed Sally?” Liz persisted. Sally turned red and started toward her sister with mayhem in her eyes.

I grabbed Sally’s hand and prevented her from killing her sister. Sally turned and looked at me and I looked into her eyes and said. “I won’t tell.” I said to Liz. “I think your sister is the best friend I have and I love her for it.” Sally smiled and turned back to the preparations.

We had a great time at Sally’s house and I found out that just because you have a problem it doesn’t have to take over your whole life. Her Mom, I could tell, was having anxiety issues about me being there and letting us cook and clean the kitchen, but she seemed to relax and enjoy the evening, the longer I was there. Sally told me that she was more relaxed than she had ever seen her and wanted me to come back as soon as I could. Her father was amazed that she would even let us in her kitchen and seemed to be happier because she had done it. He thanked me for coming and when I went to leave Liz walked out with Sally and I.

Liz turned to me and with tears in her eyes said. “I don’t want you to leave. Mom is acting like a normal person with you around. I mean I love her and all, but it is so nice now she is talking and laughing and enjoying herself. Usually she is up cleaning or something like that. Please don’t go.” And she suddenly grabbed me and hugged me tight.

“Liz, I didn’t do anything. She obviously realized that it was time the two of you took a bigger role in helping around the house. So don’t cry.” I said and held her.

She looked up at me sniffled and said. “I don’t believe that and you don’t either, but I want you to promise to come back.”

“I promise.” I said and held out my pinky finger and hooked it with hers. Then she really surprised me by kissing me on the lips and taking off for the door. She stopped and said. “Sally is right you do have the softest lips.”

I looked at Sally and she said. “I may have told her about kissing you.” And she tried to look away.

I got tickled and started to laugh and she finally put her arms around me and laid her head on my shoulder and said. “Thank you, she is right, Mom is acting better tonight than I can remember in a long time.”

We stood there on her porch like that for a few minutes and then she kissed me not like a quick peck on the lips, but a real kiss and then she turned from me and ran back into the house. Leaving me confused and dazed at the events that had just transpired.

I left and walked home. Thank goodness, I had my coat on because it was a clear night and the wind was picking up out of the west making it a lot cooler since the sun had gone down. When I got home Smokey was waiting on me. He seemed agitated about something though and didn't want me to go into the barn. As I walked in, I saw that the door to the loft that I had built over the stairs was ajar. I backed out and hid in the grease shed. I waited about an hour when three figures walked out and headed down the lane to the orchard. I followed them staying in the shadows out of sight. They got to their car and I recognized it. It was the women from the DHS and they had a really big man with them wearing a blue uniform and a badge. I recognized him as the State Trooper that gave me a ride home the other night.

“He's got to come back sooner or later. I say we wait a little while and go back up there and try to catch him then.” said one of the women.

“I agree. Don't you officer?” said the other.

“I'm just here to make sure that the law is obeyed.” he said and I could tell from the tone in his voice that he really didn't want to be there.

“Now if we approach and that viscous dog comes a running again I demand that you dispatch it with your revolver. That is an order.” The first woman said.

“I told you I am not shooting the dog and that is final and don't even think about trying to get me into trouble over that. Period!” he said and walked away into the darkness. He walked right up to me and stood looking away from me. He looked around and then he whispered, “Leave quietly and take the dog with you. Go call your attorney. These two battle axes want to take you away. Now go.” and he walked away.

“I took Smokey and walked to Uncle Will's house and told him what was going on. He called Mr. Rosenthal who apparently got pretty stirred up over it and then he told me to stay put and called the Sheriff. Then he took off in his truck with Will and George. A little while later, he came back. George said, “You should have seen Daddy. He told them to get the hell off his property and don't come back. Those women tried to say they were conducting an investigation and that there wasn't anything he could do. But that State Trooper told them that technically if he told them to leave then they had to go. Those two battle axes were mad as hell, but the Trooper told them to get in the car and leave. The Sheriff showed up and lit into them and said that he was going to put them in jail for kidnapping if they showed up again without a warrant. He wasn't playing. Then one of the women said that the restraining order had been lifted and that she could take you anytime she wanted. The Sheriff said he would still arrest her for kidnapping if she tried. Then the Trooper pushed them both into the car, but when he turned to get into the car he looked at us, smiled and winked.”

“Dennis I want you to stay here tonight. You can sleep on the couch. And you,” he addressed Smokey. “don't get too comfortable I am letting you stay for one night. That's all.” Then he petted Smokey on the head.

I stayed there that night and Smokey slept behind my legs, by the morning he had pushed me onto the floor and took the blanket. I got up early like always and took off for school. When I got there I took a shower like usual and walked out to tell Sally what had happened. She wasn't too keen on me staying out there at night, but I didn't really have any choice. It was my home and I was improving it all the time. I had to figure out how to get those two bulldogs from DHS off me though. I thought I would ask Ms. Givens for a ride to Charlestown to see Mr. Rosenthal. This had to be resolved. Well, I didn't have to go to Charlestown that afternoon instead Mr. Rosenthal called and asked me to call him that day at lunch.

I called like he asked and he told me that he saw the judge that day and got the judge to issue the emancipation order to stop the DHS people from bothering me. Although he told me to lay low for a few days until he could get the order in writing for to me to carry around with me. I asked and got permission to leave school for a few minutes to run up to the bank to see if Mr. Washington had actually done what he said he was going to do. I went into the bank and asked if I had something there. The bank president came out and took me into his office. He pulled out an envelope and handed it to me. Inside was a check for one thousand dollars. I almost fainted. I had never seen a check for that much ever. “Dennis I would like for you to consider a checking account for that money since it can be dangerous to carry that much around with you.” said the banker. I agreed and he opened one for me. I asked for twenty or thirty dollars to live on in the meantime. He gave me some counter checks and told me to write my account number on them when I needed to write one. He also told me to be careful with my money and that it was a great responsibility to have a checking account. I thanked him and went on back to school.

Ms. Givens gave me the afternoon off. I caught the bus home and found Smokey waiting for me. I took him and we went to Uncle Will's. I asked him if we could go and look at that truck that Sylvia's dad had. He thought it would be a good idea. Will and George went with us. I was sitting next to Uncle Will in the truck and he liked to poke anyone sitting next to him with his elbows when he turned the steering wheel and just laugh about it. I really made him laugh because he poked me a bunch of times pretending to avoid things in the road that weren’t there. Will and George didn’t help and thought it was hilarious too.

When we pulled up into Sylvia's yard. We saw her father talking to someone else and they got into their truck and drove off. We walked out to where he was, “Hey Will if you are here to look at the truck I just sold it. Sorry. But I do have an old ford tuck that I would like to sell.” he said.

I noticed that he had several vehicles in the lot behind his house. Some were pretty nice and some were junk. I saw a big truck sitting toward the back and went to look at it while they were talking about a 65 Ford F100 for Will. I looked at a big ole truck sitting by the barn it was a 65 Chevy C-10 four-wheel drive. It had a 327 V-8 and a four speed transmission in it. I asked how much he wanted for it and he said that the motor was shot and it had been wrecked in the back. George and I looked under it and found that the frame was straight and undamaged. The bed was really messed up though but we could put another bed on it for a small amount. He said he would take two hundred dollars for it. Uncle Will said that he could put another motor in it for about a hundred dollars. Sylvia's dad said he had a 350 that he would throw in for fifty dollars more and it ran. I cranked the old truck and he was right the motor was in pretty bad shape but the new one would give it a new life. The clutch was good and the brakes fair. The tires were brand new on it. Uncle Will said he would go to the bank to get a loan on it tomorrow.

I tugged on Uncle Will's sleeve. He leaned down and I told him I had the money to pay for it right then. He wanted to know where I had gotten that much money. I knew I had to tell him sooner or later so I decided to go ahead and tell him.

“Ms. Givens father set up a stock account for me to learn on and now I have forty two thousand dollars in it that is mine.” I said.

“No shit. I mean no joke.” He said shocked, then he said with a stern voice. “Do not tell your Aunt that I said a cuss word she will hit the ceiling and me. Then pay the man.”

“So I thought I was the only one that got in trouble for cussing.” Sylvia’s Dad said and just laughed. “So do you want the Chevy?”

“Instead what kind of deal can you do with both trucks, the Ford and the Chevy, if I write the check right now?” I said.

We wrangled around there for a while and finally came to a price of five hundred dollars for both trucks and the extra motor. Uncle Will thought it was a good deal so we took it. Sylvia's Dad gave me the keys to the trucks and I gave the ones to the Ford to Will and told him it was his graduation present. He tried to refuse, but I wouldn't hear of it so he took it. It was a solid truck and it would serve him well.

We took the trucks back to Uncle Will's and George pulled the Chevy in to the shop in the back and it didn't take him long to pull the old engine out and to put the other one in. George was a mechanical genius it seemed to me. He got it running by ten o'clock that night with my help, mostly all I did was fetch and tote. I thanked him and told him he could drive it anytime he wanted. Uncle Will told me I had to get insurance on it tomorrow and he was going to get tags on it in my name tomorrow. I got in and eased it into gear and took off for the house with Smokey sitting next to me on the seat. He rode in the truck better than he ever had in a car going to get his shots.

I called the insurance company in town at lunch the next day and they set up liability insurance on it. Ms. Givens was excited to see me with some form of transportation, but she asked if I was going to be able to get a driving license to drive it legally. I didn't know about that. I hadn't even thought about it, however I knew who to ask.

That evening Ms. Givens rode with me to see the Chief who told me I could get a hardship license without any trouble on the first and second Tuesday of the month right there. Then something hit me and I asked. “Chief did you work for the juvenile authorities at one time?”

He looked at me like a cornered cat. “Yes I did. I was a guard at the juvenile detention center for about two years before I got this job. I saw a lot and learned to hate the DHS people there. They don't do what they are supposed to do. Which is to protect the kids from abuse and mistreatment. I wish they would clean that snakes den out and bring in new people who obey the law and do what they are supposed to do. The Sheriff has had a lot of bad experiences with them also here in the county. I know that on two occasions, he has had to make them go and get the appropriate paper work to take kids away from their parents and the judge refused to do it. I know that there are occasions when parents abuse their kids and there is a need for them to be removed. Although in your case, you are able to live on your own and be a productive part of the community. I need to warn you though, there are some in town that want you run out because you are turning into a girl. These people are being so nice in your face and when you turn around, they have been stabbing you in the back. They are saying you are a sexual deviate. I don’t believe it for a minute, you have been the most polite and nice young person I have ever dealt with.”

“Who are they so she can avoid them.” inquired Ms. Givens.

“I would really rather not say, but they have the ears of the community.” he said.

Later I came back and got him to tell me who they were. I had not met a single one of them and didn't know them. I decided to find out though. I would ask Uncle Will about them.

He gave me a driver’s manual to study and the forms to fill out for the hardship license and told me how to fill them out. Then we left and went back to Ms. Givens house where I dropped her off. She asked me to go with her once again to her Mother’s and said that she wasn't going to stay all weekend just until Friday or Saturday night. That should give me plenty of time to see Mr. Washington and to make her mother happy. I agreed if she let me take the truck back to Uncle Will's house and give the keys to George. We went back to her house where she had me to get cleaned up and put on something nice. I packed a bag and we took off.

The ride was peaceful with a beautiful sunset. I looked at Ms. Givens as she was driving and thought how lucky I was to have a friend like her. She saw me looking at her and she made me scoot over to the middle and she put her arm around me. I laid my head on her shoulder and was happy for the time being. Things could go wrong tomorrow but right now I was with my Sis and everything was right.

Chapter 22

When we got to her parent’s home, Julie suddenly said. “Oops I forgot to tell them you are coming. Oh well you can be a surprise, but I want you on your best behavior. Robert and Katherine have broken up and dad fired Katherine. She is causing a big stink over it and he isn't happy with her and neither is Robert.”

“I'm sorry I caused all of this.” I said.

“No you didn't cause it. When they fired her, she wasn't allowed back in the building so Robert cleaned out her desk and found that she was manipulating some of the company books and had been skimming about a thousand dollars a months off and putting it into a bank in Florida. They think that she has been doing it for about two years without being caught. You know she is three years older than Robert don't you? And apparently she has been seeing someone else the whole time that she has been engaged to Robert, he is devastated.” she said.

Mrs. Givens met us at the door and she hugged and kissed me. “Diane I am so glad to see you. I have been so worried about you what with that nasty business with the women from the DHS and all. You look so beautiful, come on in and tell me what has been going on. Oh hello Julie.” she said and then she grabbed Julie and hugged her too. “I am truly happy to have you home for thanksgiving, I have so much to be thankful for with you and Diane. Come on in don't just stand there like a lump on a log you two.”

“Thank you Mrs. Givens.” I said and picked up my bag and walked in. She told me to put it in the spare bedroom and then come back downstairs. Mr. Givens and Robert hadn't made it home yet so it was just the three of us.

Mrs. Givens called the guys and told them to come home then she changed her mind and said to meet them at a restaurant in town. Then she told us to get our purses we were going out for the evening.
I couldn't get over the way she was acting. She really seemed to be happy to see us.

Julie brought her bag up right behind me and on the way back down, she asked. “Does my Mother seem a little different?”

“Yes she does. She doesn't seem to be as in control as she was.” I said.

“Yes, yes that's it.” and a light went on in her head.

“Mom?” Julie asked getting her mother’s attention. I had never heard her call her Mom. “What's wrong.?”

“Oh Julie.” she cried, “we may lose the company.” and she really started crying then.

“Mom what's happened. I thought the stores were doing so well.”

“Apparently that bitch Katherine was able to take a lot more than what was thought earlier. She had managed to clean out the bank accounts in each city that we had a store. It was about two hundred and fifty thousand dollars.”

“Julie and I both sat down on the couch at the same time. They are trying to get the account frozen in Florida that she was using. The FBI are involved with it right now and the Banking Regulatory people also. Roger doesn't know that I have found out about what is going on. He has been working overtime every night lately and so has Robert. So don't say a thing about it to Roger or Robert.” she ordered while drying her eyes. “I have had all of the art appraised and my jewelry and I can just about raise the money in the auction at Christy's in New York. Roger doesn't know that I have done that. I want to do my part because I have worked hard to make the store as successful as it is also and I don't want to lose it.”

“Mom, let's talk to Dad and see what we can do first before you go and do something like that. I know that you have collected all of those things for the future and I really don't think that you need to sell them right now.”

“Okay then I'll wait. Let's go and see the boys and get something to eat. Diane get your coat. Julie..... I love you.” said Mrs. Givens.

In the car, I was curious about how she managed to do so much damage to the store without being caught. “Mrs. Givens do you know how she did it? Take all that money without anybody noticing.” I asked.

“She got the secret passwords that locked the accounts so that only a few people could have access to them. We think she got them from Robert's office since she had unlimited access to it. She emptied the bank accounts yesterday even though she has been gone from the company for five days. Then she also started to have a delivery diverted every now and then and that amounted to quite a bit of money in itself. The departments that were losing inventory just chalked it up as loss. A lot of that has been recovered since it was sitting in a warehouse in St. Louis. We think she did that just for spite since very little had been sold. She was doing all of this from different department phones at first, apparently, she was focusing on one person to incriminate them. Then when that person quit she had to find a different way to do her dirty work. So that was when she started using different department phones. The trucking company that was doing the deliveries actually became suspicious and called to find out if that was actually, where we wanted the deliveries made. She got lucky and intercepted the call and gave a bogus name for her own. She was doing everything she could to destroy us. We still don't know why though.” Mrs. Givens relayed that information and sat quietly thinking. Then she perked up.

“You know there was a man who came to work for us in the shipping department and he was caught diverting freight to different locations. Most of it was other company’s goods. He said he didn't know anything about it, but the private investigators that were hired proved it was him. We didn't press charges and none of the other companies wanted to press charges because it would expose a critical flaw in the security of the freight delivery system we all used. I wonder if he is the same one that is with Katherine and this is his way of getting revenge for being caught.”

“Surely not.” said Julie. “I remember that. It was five years ago I was in college when it happened.”

“I wouldn't put it past him. He seemed to be untrustworthy from the start. He was always sucking up to me and some of the higher up secretaries. I thought he was a gigolo.” she said.

There was that word gigolo again and it was being used in a very negative manner. I see why my dad would insult me by saying that I needed to be a gigolo or a police officer. This guy was a snake in the grass and my dad must have considered me the same. I was starting to see how he really felt about me. I was lower than whale shit. Well I don't care what he thinks of me now. I had enough to live on and I was going to get to live on the farm something he didn't want me to do. I was going to be all right in spite of him and that to me was the only way to get back at him.

Mr. Givens and Robert were at the restaurant by the time we got there. Mr. Givens had a large smile on his face and grabbed Mrs. Givens up and swung her around and kissed her passionately. “Roger put me down we have a child watching.”

“I think Julie and Robert are old enough to see us in love.” he replied. I stepped out from behind Julie and he grinned even bigger. “Come here you little scamp.” and he grabbed me and swung me around also. “You have no idea how glad I am to see you too.” then without letting go of me he pulled Julie to him and gave her a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. “I have missed you both.” he stated.

“Come on in. Robert has some good news for you.” He said. We filed into the restaurant and were seated by a window that overlooked the river.

I was enthralled by the beauty of the Mississippi River at night. The tow boats and barges were moving up and down on what looked like glass flowing by us. Mr. Givens wouldn't say, what the good news was until the waiter brought a bottle of champagne and glasses for all. The waiter opened the bottle and poured us all a glass of the bubbly liquid. Mr. Givens stood and held his glass up and spoke. “A toast to Robert who single handedly saved the company. Now I'll let him tell you how he did it.” said Mr. Givens.

Robert looked around the table building the tension and with a grin he told us what had happened. “I have been arguing with the insurance companies about covering what had been taken from us. They aren't wanting to do it because it was taken from the banks. They are saying that it wasn't taken from us but from the bank and it's the responsibility of the bank to cover it. The banks are trying to say that it was a legitimate withdrawal since the person used the right codes and passwords. It looked as though we were going to have to sue both of them to recover what was taken. We were in a panic over this since the accounts that were stolen were payroll accounts and it was going to be difficult to cover them this late in the week. I talked to our lawyers and got them on it, I also talked to the FBI and the Banking Regulators and they both put considerable pressure on the banks around here and the bank in Florida that the money had been transferred to. As I understand it the FBI started looking for an inside person and were going to freeze all the assets and moneys in all the banks until they had time to go through their books to make sure that everything was alright. That was when one of the executive officers in the home office of the bank we used suddenly disappeared in the middle of the day. He it turns out was the master mind of the whole thing and Katherine's boyfriend had been a fellow college student with him. They even shared a dorm room. Now that suddenly makes it the banks responsibility.”

“It gets better as I go along. It seems as though this bank official holds a considerable amount of stock in the insurance company that we have been using and would stand to lose a lot of money if they paid off. I had gotten curious about the insurance since I negotiated the policy myself and it specifically said that if we suffered a monetary loss due to a person or persons removing monies or property from our possession they would cover it. The FBI and the Banking Regulators became very interested in him then. So any way they are looking for Katherine and the two men now. They know that the money is in an account in the Cayman Islands but they can't touch it because of the secret banking laws there.” he said.

“So how are we going to get our money back?” asked Mrs. Givens.

“Well I remembered that Katherine had a brochure from a tourist flight company in Florida and the FBI didn't think that they had time to leave the country yet so they sent someone down there and caught them as they were walking to the plane.” he said. “She started talking right away and agreed to transfer all of the money that was in the account in the Cayman's back to our account in exchange for a deal. The US Attorney agreed and we now have all of the money that was taken, back in our accounts plus the other that she had been taking all along, but don't worry she isn't going to get away Scott free. She is going to have to go to the federal prison and her two accomplices are going down for a long time. Justice was swift and righteous this time. Although I have to say something here, that is very important. Without you, Diane, we would have had a hard time surviving, it was your stocks that have kept us afloat during this hard time. You see we have been buying the same ones and have made a considerable pile of money, enough in fact to cover the loss without any problems. You have turned out to be a better insurance policy than we had. Oh and by the way we are going to change banks and insurance on Monday.” Robert concluded.

“So everything is alright?” asked Mrs. Givens.

“Everything is alright.” said Mr. Givens.

“Yeah!” and she kissed him.

That night after we got back Mr. Givens turned on the TV and was watching the News. I asked him what happened to Albert's parents. I had been worried about it since I heard that he had taken his life. I hoped that his parents hadn't caused his suicide by doing something rash.

“Diane, Albert took his life because his parents were sending him to a very conservative Christian school in Georgia and he couldn't live with what was going to happen to him there. Apparently, his Mother was searching his room and found something that he had written. A plan to run away to live his own life. His father has quite the temper and he beat Albert pretty bad. Later that night Albert took his own life in desperation. I saw his father a week after the funeral and he was saying to another person that it was someone else's fault. That someone told him to hang himself to punish his parents. I didn't say anything to him and he didn't know I was there, but I guess that it was his way of not accepting his own responsibility for the death of his son.” he said.

I just nodded and excused myself to go and take a bath. Once in the tub I felt the cleansing and the warmth of the water like a total body hug. I knew that I was being cleaned inside and out. I felt remorse that Albert's death was useless and that his parents had caused it by being such bigots. When I got out, I put my night gown on and said a prayer for Albert. Sleep came slowly to me that night I couldn't get the memory of hanging by a piece of twine feeling the life flow from me. Then looking up and seeing a mouse chewing through the twine. All of the pain and sensations returned in detail. The feeling of uselessness and the depression were more than I could tolerate. I remembered the tears in my eyes making it difficult to tie the noose and then almost falling off the ladder before I got the twine tied to the upper rung. Then the sudden snap of the noose around my neck followed by a feeling of euphoria as I used up the oxygen in my body. Defiance that was the angel’s name! That was what he meant when he said I already knew his name. Defiance had to be the angel that was sent to look over me.

When I came to that realization, I fell in a deep sleep. “So you have figured out who I am. Good for you. I couldn't help Albert as much as I wanted to. He died instantly when he jumped from the attic opening. His father had humiliated him and committed a serious sin with his son. A father that does things like that has to pay every day and he is about to have to pay a harsh price of his own. Diane you have still to endure pain and humiliation, but not as severe as Albert did. Go to sleep and enjoy this time with these people that love you and care for you. Know that they will be here to help if you need it.”

I awoke the next day completely rested and ready to go, but I remembered the dream and got down on my knees and thanked God for being there for me and sending Defiance. I got up and put on a pair of shorts and a sweat shirt and went down stairs. I did my exercises and came in to find Sarah putting the turkey in the oven. I asked if she needed any help and she looked at me smiled and thanked me, but sent me on out of the kitchen, but not before getting me a cup of coffee and a cinnamon roll. I was sitting at the table reading the business section when Robert came down stairs.

“Good morning Diane. Did you sleep well? I know I did.” he stated.

“Good morning. I slept well for a change. Thank you.” And grabbed my cup of coffee before he could take it from me.

“Hey, have you ever flown a kite?” he asked after his failed attempt at purloining my coffee.

“Why yes I have. I guess everybody has flown a kite.”

“No, I mean a big kite that does acrobatics.”

“No. but I have had several kites do death dives to the ground.” I laughed.

“Great then go put some clothes on and let’s go fly a kite.” he said.

We went to the Shelby Farms and he pulled out a large red kite that had two handles that he used to control it. I held the kite and he took off running and got it into the air. Then the show started. He made it do loop the loops and dives and all sorts of tricks. I jumped up and down and clapped my hands. I was so excited to see him doing them. He let me try it, but I had a little problem I didn't weigh enough and almost got dragged away by the kite. Robert fell out laughing watching me with my heels dug in trying not to be pulled out into the field. I was rescued by one of the guys standing around watching the show. He ran out and caught me. He stood behind me and put his arms around me and held me close so I could work the controls.

He felt good to me. And he was cute on top of that with his brownish curls and his dark eyes. He was very strong yet he held me gently. He would lean down close so he could talk into my ear and I could feel his warm breath against my ear. He had a beautiful tenor voice and he had an accent that I couldn't quite place.

Robert came over and took the kite from me and introduced himself. “Hello. I'm Robert Givens.” and he stuck out his hand.

“I'm Harold Whitehall.” he said. “I guess I need to know your name.” and he looked at me with those beautiful eyes and smiled.

“I'm Diane Allen.” I said shyly.

“So is this your girl.” He asked Robert.

“No, but I wish she was old enough to be.” he said. “She is one of my sister’s students and a financial genius. I would marry her in a heartbeat if I could.”

“Robert! Stop that.” I exclaimed and blushed again.

“I don't blame him and I agree with him. I like a girl that blushes. It shows innocence.” He said. “So do you live around here?”

“No, I live in the next state on a cotton farm. Where do you live?” I asked.

“Ah, I knew you would get around to that. I am from Wales in England.”

“What are you doing here? Beside saving damsels in distress.” I asked. Robert told me I was acting coy to him. Batting my eyes at him and smiling a lot. I even did little things like brushing my hair out of my face and smiling at the same time.

“I am here on holiday. My father is a big Elvis Fan and he has arranged to meet him this afternoon at Graceland. I on the other hand am a huge fan of Blood Sweat and Tears.” then he turned and waved at a man walking on the side of the road. “That's my dad I have to go. Could I have your post address so I can write you?”

I gave him my address and got his so I could write him. Then he leaned in and kissed me. I was surprised by the move, but didn't resist. I can’t really say that I didn’t enjoy it although it caused some considerable confusion on my part. I didn’t think that I was gay and I had no desires to have a boy-boy relationship. I guess it caught me by surprise and I just let it happen. I waved bye to him and was standing there watching him go when a giant red bird looking thing swooped by me.

“Earth to Diane. Earth to Diane. Come in Diane.” I heard Robert calling. I turned and ran to Robert and started crying.

“Hey what's up sweetie? Why the tears.?” he asked.

“I want to be a real girl! I don't want to be a girl look alike!”

Robert held me close until I stopped crying. Then we loaded up the car and he took me to a little burger stand like place that was the only thing open and got me a strawberry milk shake as well as one for himself. “Don't tell anybody that I like pink milk shakes.” he ordered and looked around, acting like he was making sure no one he knew was watching.

“Diane, I have been talking to Ted and he even took me to a place where there are others like you. I talked to several of them and they all want what you want, to be a female. I even met a few females that want to be males. All of them have the same complaint that they can't find real love like they are. They all feel like they are trapped in the wrong body. Some are saving for a surgery, but it is very expensive and some haven't done well with it. Then I met a woman who actually had the surgery and is now very happy. She said she was able to get a job without a problem and found a man who really loves her and knows about her past. She said that was the key, to find someone who didn't care about their past only about them. I know that you are all confused and today didn't help. You met a very handsome boy who treated you like a princess and you are worried that if you tell him he will drop you like a grenade. If he does then he's not the one. You will find the right one in the future and be very happy, but it's not time for that.” and he started drinking his milk shake.

Two ladies came in but there weren't any empty tables. Robert being the gentleman he is offered them our table. They said they couldn't run us out so he asked them to join us. They accepted that. One sat next to me and one sat next to Robert. “My name is Robert and this is Diane.”

“I'm Monica and this is Becky.” the one sitting next to Robert said.

“We were going to order breakfast. What could I get for you this morning?” asked Robert.

“How about a job.” stated Becky.

“I meant, what would you like to eat this morning? And we can find you a job while we eat.” He said.

“Are you serious?” Monica asked.

“Very. My parents own Givens and I need two secretaries right now. Can you type?” He asked.

“Yes!” they both said. At the same time.

“Then you are both hired. Hand me a napkin please.” and he gave them the name of the office manager and told them to have him call him if there was a problem. Then he ordered breakfast and we had a wonderful time. They were from a small town that had a chicken processing plant in it and that was all. They both had worked in it until they decided that the only way to get ahead was to get out of there.

He and Monica hit it off well. Becky seemed to be happy to have something to eat. Robert excused himself to go to the men's room. Monica and Becky started digging in their purses for the money for their part of the bill.

“Ladies, I wouldn't do that if I were you.” I said.

“Well we just can't let him buy our breakfast. He doesn't even know us.” said Monica.

“I know, but I don't think he will let you pay anything and you will only offend him. Besides his Mom would kill him if she knew he let you go Dutch.” I said. “So where do you live?”

Neither one said anything, they only hung their heads. Finally Becky spoke. “Alright we are flat busted. The only thing we have is that car and a tank of gas. We have spent everything trying to find a job. We have been sleeping in the car and now we have to try to get back home. This was our only chance to get out of there and start a new life.” Tears started forming in her eyes. “I don't want to work in a chicken processing plant. I want to be someone, to do something important.”

“I think you will. Now give me the keys to your car so you can’t run off, and just so you don't think I am going to steal it you hold my purse.” she did it. I took the keys because I knew that they would try and leave so they wouldn't be owing anybody. I had a real good feeling about these two.

I walked back to meet Robert and talk to him, “Robert those are going to be two hard workers, but they have a little problem. They are flat broke and have been living in their car. Is there anything you can do to help?” I asked.

“Ah such a big heart in such a small body. Yes, there is something I can do and I already have. First, I called Mom and asked if they could eat thanksgiving with us, then I called a friend who has an apartment that they can have for a reasonable amount. Third I am paying for the first month’s rent and fourth you are buying breakfast.” I kicked him on the shin and gave him a dirty look. “Okay, Okay. I'll buy breakfast also.”

“That's better.” I said.

He limped back to the table, and rubbed his shin. “What happened to your leg?” Asked Monica.

“He needed motivating.” I said.

Becky giggled at that. “And you gave it to him. The motivating I mean.”

“Well someone had to. Alright here are your keys. Robert has something to talk to you about. So listen carefully.” I said.

“As my very beautiful and darling friend said. I would like to make an offer to you.” Both girls recoiled at that. “Don't worry it has nothing to do with a personal relationship. I would like to offer Thanksgiving dinner to you and I have found you a place to live that isn't too far away. I am going to pay the deposit and the first month’s rent. Oh and I am going to, buy breakfast. Now we need to eat so I can show you where the apartment is since Jamey is going to meet us there. So are you interested?” he said. “Listen call it an employment bonus since I really need two secretaries bad.”

“Monica, I don't think we are going to get a better offer than that ever.” said Becky. “What do you say?”

“I think we would be fools to pass it up. Let's go.” said Monica.

Robert stuck out his hand and shook on it with them. I couldn’t help but notice that when he shook Monica’s hand he held onto it a little longer. Robert ordered breakfast for them and we had a wonderful time talking and chatting about their lives. Then we went up to the cashier and Robert looked around and asked the cashier if she could gather all the other tickets for the people in the restaurant quietly and he would pay them. She did and he paid all of them and gave a generous tip. Outside he saw a man sitting on the curb and he looked a mess. He got him up and took him inside and paid for him to eat also. He looked at me and said. “What good does it do to have all this money if you can't use it for good?” I hugged him.

He drove over to the apartment and met his friend. He introduced Jamey to Becky and Monica and they looked at the apartment and Jamey told them how much it would be and all of his rules. It was furnished with some old furniture but it was clean and serviceable. We helped them unload their car and Robert gave them the address and told them when to be there.

We left them still thanking us and headed back to Robert's house. “You really surprise me.” I said.

“And why is that? What did I do?” he said.

“I could see you paying for all the people in the restaurant, but when you took that man in and paid for his that surprised me. For as you do to the least of these you do unto me.” I said quoting Jesus.

“I did something else.” He said and looked away.

“What?” I asked.

“I hired him to do the janitorial work at the store. He needed a job too.”

“You are amazing.” I said and thought to myself that he really was amazing and I could see him going far in life. It was then that I realized that I had it much better than I had known. I had a roof over my head and a warm place to sleep even though it was in a bed of hay bales and was able to eat. I had friends that cared about me and would do whatever was needed to ensure that I was cared for. Yes, Robert was amazing.

Chapter 23

Mrs. Givens didn't say a thing about Robert inviting the two ladies to lunch. She just went and told Sarah that there would be three extra people for dinner. I wondered who the third one was. I already knew that Ted was coming and a place had already been set for him so who was the third one.

Julie was razzing Robert about paying for their breakfast. “So did she bat her eyes at you? To get you to take pity on them. Or did you do the I'm the president of the store thing again and they swooned at that.”

“Robert Givens. Don't tell me that you have been using that as a pickup line?” exclaimed Mrs. Givens.

Mr. Givens spoke up, “Why not I used it once. On you.” and he winked at Mrs. Givens.

“No, Dad and Mom I was motivated to do it by Bruce Lee over there. She kicked me in the shin.”

“Good for you Diane. Someone needs to teach him manners.” said Mrs. Givens.

“I give up. I'm going to help Sarah. At least she appreciates me.” huffed Robert.

I giggled and Julie teased him with, “Poor baby.” But she got jumped on by Robert and tickled. Then he ran into the kitchen and slammed the door. I heard Ms. Sarah yelling and then he came running out holding his head and ducking while she swung a spoon at him. I burst out laughing at him.

“Hey you don't have anything to laugh about. She met a booyy this morning and she pretended to be having trouble with the kite to lure him into her clutches.” and he put on a smug look.

Julie sat up at that. “Was he cute.”

“Yes he was a perfect gentleman. His name was Harold Whitehall and he is from England and he is here with his parents to meet Elvis. He just made sure that the kite didn't pull me away because someone else here thought it was funny to watch me being dragged away by a kite.” I said and knew I was blushing.

“Yeah but did he have to hold you so close and kiss you?” Teased Robert. I threw a pillow and hit him with it and he pretended to be knocked out. Julie jumped on him and paid him back for tickling her.

“Alright you three go on upstairs and get ready for dinner. Diane I have laid out a dress for you and some shoes. And fix your hair.” then she leaned in close and said. “Did he really kiss you?”

“Yes Mam.” I said kind of nervous.

“I remember my first kiss. It was magical, but he's a pig farmer now. So get going. And you say he is going to meet Elvis this afternoon?” She asked in a peculiar way.

“His father is a big fan.” I said and got up and went upstairs to get ready.

I took another quick shower and styled my hair. She had laid out a black dress that was a little tight and clingy, but it was so sharp and a pair of beautiful black pumps that had sparkles all over them. Ms. Givens saw me and came in and told me to sit down at the vanity. She said she was going to change my hair a little. She brushed it out and then she put it up in a bun and pinned it there with two jade chop sticks. I was so excited. Then she took a little perfume and sprayed it on my wrist and neck very sparingly. “You want them to want to come in closer to smell it. Not to ward them off from a distance.” she said. Then she took the studs out and replaced them with small pearls. The final thing she did was place a pearl choker around my neck. “I like this better than rope.” she said as she touched the scar that was still there. “Now put some makeup on, just a little and don't forget the lipstick. And come on down.”

I did as I was told and when I started down the stairs, I was met with the flash of cameras. Robert came up behind me and Mrs. Givens and Julie had us pose together on the stairs. He looked so handsome in his suit and he looked happy a lot happier than the last time I saw him. Robert was still having trouble adjusting to Katherine's betrayal and was having trust issues. I was concerned that he might not ever find the right one. I was wrong.

Becky and Monica came on time. Mrs. Givens greeted them at the door and invited them in. They had changed into something nicer, although not exactly at the same level as what we were wearing. You could tell that they had worked hard all their lives, I noticed that Becky's hands had calluses on them and that Monica had scars on her arms from some type of hard work. Both were scared to death. After the introductions, I led them to the coat rack and then took them into the living room. Robert was in the kitchen worrying Sarah and he came out being chased by Sarah again. “Now stay out Mr. Robert.” He walked into the living room and saw Monica there. I thought he was going to trip over his lower jaw.

“Please excuse my rather ill-mannered son. He seems to have suddenly suffered from a apoplexy and is unable to speak.” said Mr. Givens. “Robert would you like to say hello to our guest?”

He raised his hand and waved at them. “Hi. You look beautiful.” he said.

Mrs. Givens covered her face with her hand and hung her head. I giggled and Julie hee-hawed. Monica and Becky turned beet red, “Maybe we had better just leave so Robert can speak again.” said Monica.

“No! No! You have to stay and eat with us now that you are here.” exclaimed Robert and he tripped over a foot stool as he moved to greet them. “How long has that been there?” he asked as he stood up.

“Oh, about five years. You know it's the same one that you have been walking around all that time.” said Mrs. Givens. “I'm sorry girls he is under a doctor’s care for klutz disease.”

“Mom that's not true.” He said.

Becky and Monica were both giggling at him by that time. It seemed as though he could save a company but he couldn't deal with cupid’s arrows. We all saw it. He was smitten by Monica. I mean really smitten. I really couldn't see why not, she was beautiful and very personable. He asked them if they wanted something to drink. Neither one drank alcohol. I liked that. Neither one smoked. Another plus. Especially since Mrs. Givens didn't allow smoking in her house. From then on, it was like the inquisition from Mr. Givens. Then he declared that Becky was to work in his office and that Monica was to work with Robert. Robert complained that now he would have to find some else to fill the second vacancy Mrs. Givens just said that he was sure he would. I found out later that Monica and Becky did the work of four people and that Robert didn't have to hire anyone to fill that other slot and as a side note the man that Robert hired to do the cleaning worked hard for them and made supervisor. God is good and provides for those that need it.

Ted arrived just before the dinner. Mrs. Givens asked what had happened. “I had a patient to come in to the hospital today and I had to admit him.” He said.

“What on earth could cause a person to have trouble on Thanksgiving day?” said Mrs. Givens

“He said he heard the voice.” and he looked at me. “It told him that if he would take his life then all the pain and suffering would go away. So he tried to shoot himself but as he pulled, the trigger a mouse ran up his leg and he jumped and missed all together. I do believe that there is something to this mouse thing. I have heard a similar story from someone not connected in any way to this patient. Oh well let's change the subject, who are the two lovely ladies here.”

Julie introduced them to him and he made a point to shake both of their hands. “I am Ted Ross it's a pleasure to meet you.” he said. Then he couldn't pry his eyes away from Julie. Now that is a case of being smitten. Cupid hit him right in the …. well you know where.

When it was time to eat, Robert and Ted had to go and help Sarah bring in the food. Then Sarah turned to go back into the kitchen. Mr. Givens stopped her and walked her to the table and pulled out the extra chair at the table. “Sarah sit down, you are what we are thankful for.” he said. She looked stunned and didn't know what to do. Mrs. Givens walked up beside her and gave her a little nudge to get her in the seat. Mr. Givens pushed her chair up for her. Then he seated Mrs. Givens beside him. We filled in with Robert at the other end. Julie, Ted and I sat on one side and Monica sat next to Robert and Becky sat next to Sarah. Mr. Givens blessed the food and the people there. Then he made a little speech about all the new and wonderful people in their lives that had enriched them to no end. He spoke of how thankful he was to have such a wonderful employee as Sarah. Her devotion to them was unwavering and worthy of note. Then he took a deep breath, “Do you smell that? It's love. Family love. The kind of love that you can't buy. The kind of love that stays with a family through thick and thin. This week we almost lost our company that was when I found out that there are people out there who would sacrifice everything for us. My beautiful wife was ready to sell all to help. Ted offered all that he had to help. Diane, was willing to give up everything she had to help. We now have two new employees that I have the feeling will be a God send. That is love and I thank you all. Now let's eat.”

After the meal Robert, Ted and I had to clear the table and wash the dishes. While the rest relaxed in the living room. It took about an hour for the three of us to clean up the kitchen. I had to know, “Robert what happened to you? You have turned to jello since you saw Monica. Is there something we need to know?”

“You are being nosy.” He answered.

“I want to know what is going on?” Asked Ted.

“There's nothing going on.” Robert said.

“Well Mr. Ross we met these two wonderful ladies and Robert hired them for the secretarial pool and then he invited them to dinner and since Monica came in he has been tripping over things and he can't put two words together to make a sentence without putting his foot in his mouth. Can you diagnose what is wrong with him. Do we need to take him to get a shot.” I teased.

“I do believe he is suffering from a very serious condition known as lovinitis and the only way to cure it is to let it run its course.” teased Ted.

“Hah, hah, very funny. You two need to go on the road.” he said.

“Hey that might not be a bad idea. Ted and Diane the dynamic duo. A little soft shoe, some song and a little humor. I think we can do it what do you think Diane?”

“I think we can. Let's go out and tell the rest.” I said.

“What and leave Robert here all alone?”

“He's a big boy. He can handle it by himself. Besides I don't think Robert, Ted and Diane sounds all that good.”

“You know you're right. It doesn't have a very good ring to it like ‘the Ted and Diane Show’. See you Robert.” said Ted

“I don't think so. Get back in here now. You're not getting out of cleaning up this.” he said and pushed us back to the sink.

“Spoil sport just when we were on the verge of preforming a historical act for humanity.” said Ted. He changed the subject to me. “How have you been doing? Have you heard the voice lately?”

“Yes sir but I pray and it goes away. I think that I am being watched over by someone to make sure that he doesn't come back.” I said.

“So you heard a voice too.” interrupted Robert. “Uh sorry I didn't mean to eaves drop or anything. Did you try to take your life?”

“Yes. I almost did. The mouse chewed through the noose and I fell to the floor.” I said.

“Diane don't ever do that again. I would miss you so much.” Robert said and then he looked and saw the scar. He reached up and touched it causing me to blush.

“I don't think that is an option from now on. I am surprised that you are able to go on with your life in light of everything that has happened, however you do. I am so proud of you.” Said Ted.

Chapter 24

It took about an hour to clean up the dishes and to put everything away. Then we walked out waving a white napkin in surrender. Mr. Givens let us come into the living room then said. “Robert I would like you, Becky and Monica to take Sarah home. Oh and don't worry about tomorrow you can have the day off.”

“Mr. Givens if you don't mind I think I had better come in and put everything in its right place.”

“Hey what do you mean by that. We put everything up. Well maybe not in the right place, but at least it‘s not visible.” said Robert.

“I'll see you in the morning.” said Sarah.

“Diane, Roger and I are going for a ride would you like to go?” asked Mrs. Givens. She was looking at Julie in a rather conspiratorial way.

Julie was blushing and Ted was fidgeting with his tie. They looked at each other and blushed. Mr. Givens looked at them and announced, “I expect the two of you to be on your best behavior. Oh and you too, Robert.” He was grinning from ear to ear. Robert became like a little boy that had been caught doing something he didn’t want anybody to know about and Monica and Becky were grinning from ear to ear.

“Yes I would love to go for a ride with you.” I said and jumped up and went and got my coat.

We took off and Mr. Givens drove toward downtown. I was amazed at how some areas seemed run down and right next to them was a vibrant growing area of town. We drove down to the Peabody hotel and watched the ducks waddle out to their own elevator. I noticed that while I was watching the ducks Mr. Givens left. He came back in a few minutes and we sat down in the lobby talking about how beautiful the hotel was. I looked up and there was Harold. Mr. Givens grinned. Harold came up to me, I almost turned to jello right then. Mr. Givens and Mr. Whitehall shook hands and each in turn introduced their wives. Harold had a sister named Constance. She was adorable and was about eight years old. She had blonde hair that hung down past her shoulders and the most beautiful blue eyes. We hit it off right away. Harold was very watchful over her. You could tell that he cared very much for her.

“Diane, how did you get here? How did you know where I was?” asked Harold.

“You know I don't know, but I'll bet I know who does.” and looked at Mrs. Givens. She looked at us together and smiled. “That little old match maker right there.” I said.

“So is that your mum?”

“No she is a friend. My Mom is at home. You see their oldest daughter is my teacher and we have come up to celebrate the holiday with them. I, unfortunately, don't have a lot to do with my parents. I have become an emancipated juvenile so I can make my own decisions concerning myself. So let's change the subject. What do your Father and Mother do?”

“They own some clothing factories and a few stores around the country. My dad wanted to establish a link here to start selling some of the things that he makes there over here in the States. I want to live in the country and have a farm. I mean we already live in the country but it is a small area too small for a farm. I have a garden out back and grow cabbages and tomatoes and such. I love it. I got an award for the best string beans at last year’s county fair. You should have seen them they were long and a beautiful shade of green and they had the most intoxicating flavor when cooked with a piece of bacon. I used my own special mixture of dung and compost to make them grow. My dad doesn't understand, but he supports me and helps me as much as possible. I am very lucky to have him as a Dad. He and I like to shoot model rockets off also. It is so much fun. Did you know that he holds the record for a single motor rocket flight?”

I was listening to him hanging on every word. Giggling at his jokes and having the best time.
He was just as smart as handsome? “Can I ask a question?”

“Why of course. What is it?”

“What is a single motor rocket? And how do you fly them.”

“He laughed at me. I’m so sorry I didn’t even think that you wouldn’t know what one was. They are model rockets, some are small and some are very large three to seven meters in length. Those can go several hundred meters in the sky. We tend to stay away from those because they can be dangerous. Tell me what do you do for a hobby?”

“I hunt and I fish and I work on my barn turning it into a home for me.”

“You get to hunt. What do you hunt for?”

“I really like to rabbit and squirrel hunt. It is a lot of fun especially if you go with someone who has some really good rabbit dogs. They will run the rabbits right by you. Squirrel hunting is to me a lot more challenging because squirrels have a genetic drive to survive and they can be difficult to find and take. I don’t deer hunt and I don’t duck hunt. I love to dove hunt though. Now that can be challenging. Here lately I have kind of gotten to where I don’t want to kill for sport only for food.” I said.

“I would love to be able to go hunting, but you have to belong to a club to hunt in England. So can you eat squirrels?” he asked with a sour look on his face.

“Yes and they are very good if prepared properly like with gravy and biscuits and you fry the squirrels.” I said.

“What is an emancipated juvenile?” he asked.

“I have been declared able to make decisions regarding financial and personal issues for myself and I don’t have to have an adult make them for me. I have been abandoned by my parents since I had a serious run in with two burglars. Can we change the subject it is still kind of harsh to remember.”

“Yes lets. I understand that there is a river close by.” He said.

“You are teasing me right?” I said.

“No I heard that there is a river near here. I wish that I could see it.”

“Your wish is my command.” I said.

I walked up to Mrs. Givens and got her attention. “What is it sugar.” I loved it when she called me sugar.

“Harold has not seen the river and I would like to show it to him. It’s only two or three blocks from here and I promise to get him back safely. We can see it from Tom Lee Park.” I asked.

“A river you say? I would love to take a walk and see a river.” Said Mr. Whitehall. “What do you say dear would like to take a little stroll.”

Mrs. Whitehall thought about it for a minute, “I think I would like that. How far away is it?”

“About two blocks straight that way.” said Mr. Givens as he pointed.

`“Then I’m up for it if you are Mum.” said Mr. Whitehall. “I would like to talk to the young lady who has caught Harold’s eye anyway.” he said.

We walked down to the river at Tom Lee Park. I still had on my pumps with the heels. Even though they were only two inches, I was still getting used to them. I didn’t see how Mrs. Givens and Mrs. Whitehall walked so well in those spiked heel shoes. Especially up hill and downhill. Constance came up behind us and took her brothers hand and mine and put them together and then she took my other hand and walked with us. She was a pistol I could tell. She asked me a dozen questions about the area and then she wanted to know if I had a beau. I told her no and made note that she was very forward and didn’t mind speaking her mind,

Constance asked. “Why is it called Tom Lee Park was he a war hero or something?”

“No he was a man, a black man who risked his life to save a lot of people who were in a riverboat accident. He didn’t care what color their skin was and he rescued many of the victims. He really was a great man.”

At the park, I tried to answer all of the questions that Harold and Constance had. Constance was the most inquisitive, “Where does this river start?”

“This is the heart and soul of the south. If this river had not been here, there is some speculation that this area would not have been settled as soon as it was. Did you know that you are seeing water flowing by you here that originated in the Rocky Mountains. Oh, look there is a tow boat that is pushing several barges up river. You can tell they are loaded because of how low in the water they are riding. This is an amazing river that keeps flowing right along.” I said. “Just like the song Old Man River says.”

“Old Man River? I don’t think I have ever heard that one. Can you sing it for me?” asked Harold.

“Don’t blame me if you are scarred for life from my singing.”

“Somehow I don’t think I have to worry about that.” He said looking at me with those beautiful eyes of his.

Constance took my hand and said. “I want to hear it too. Please.”

“For you anything.” I said and started.

“Old Man river.
Old Man River.
He just keeps rolling.
He Just Keeps rolling along.

Lift that bar tote that bale,
Get a little drunk
And land in Jail.

Old Man River,
Old Man River,
He Just keeps rolling,
He Just Keeps Rolling along.”

“That was a show tune.” I said. That was when I realized that I was being filmed by Mrs. Whitehall and being photographed by a gentleman with a professional looking camera.

He walked up and introduced himself to Mr. and Mrs. Givens, “Good afternoon. I’m a photographer for the paper and I would love to put their picture in the paper tomorrow. I think it is wonderful that these kids are here with their parents instead of out causing trouble. I loved her singing also. She has a wonderful voice.” Mr. and Mrs. Whitehall agreed.

Mrs. Givens called me over and asked if I would consent to having my picture in the paper. I didn’t see a problem with it and said yes. He looked at me and at Mrs. Givens. “Isn’t this your daughter?” he asked.

“No she is one of my daughter’s students that came for the holiday.” She said.

He wrote our names down and when he found out that Harold was from England the reporter perked up and started asking all sorts of questions. Mr. Whitehall told him that he and Mr. Givens had just concluded a business deal that would hopefully create a number of jobs in the area and introduce the people of Memphis to his line of clothing through the Givens stores. The reporter had them tied up so the three of us walked up the park for a little ways.

Constance asked, “Are there were any Indians around here.”

“Yes they are all around you. You see the Native Americans have integrated into the American society and live all around us. They are still a proud people who are contributing to the growth of our country in a positive way. My Grandfather on my dad’s side is one half Indian although I don’t know what tribe he was from.” I said.

“That must be why you are so beautiful,” she said.

“How sweet you are. I’ll bet you are a charmer.” I said.

“She could charm the pants off anyone,” said Harold.

“Do you go to an all-girls school?” asked Harold.

“No I go to Salem Jr. High. It is a public school there. I understand that here in Memphis there are schools that are segregated according to sex. I have never met anyone who went to one so I don’t know a lot about them.”

“I go to an all-boys school and it is alright, however I really would like to go to the public school where my friends are.” He said. “I am getting a top notch education and all, but some of the boys are pretty snobbish.”

“I have never really had any friends until this year and now I have the best. I am on the cheering squad and I play in the band. I have my best friend Ms. Givens, their daughter, who is my English teacher. She is the best. She is actually an Orchestral Conductor but her minor is in English and she is trying to get the vacancy teaching band.” I said.

“What do you play?” asked Harold.

“I play the saxophone and I can play the flute a little and the clarinet. I love it. Until recently, it was my whole life. Oh, I know my real hobby is doing these exercises that I have found in a book about karate. They are so relaxing and I have learned to defend myself using them.” I said.

“This is too weird. I play the clarinet and I take karate lessons.” He said. “I love Dvorack and Brahms.”

“So what color is your belt?” asked Constance.

“Color? I’m afraid I don’t know what you are talking about.” I said.

“You are tested by your instructors and given a colored belt according to your skill level.” said Harold. “I am a brown belt. Don’t your instructors test you.”

“I don’t have an instructor I have been doing the exercises from the book on my own. Robert, Ms. Givens brother, does them too and he says I am pretty good. I would love to find a class close to me to learn more.” I said.

“I wish you could come to England to live with us you would love it.” said Constance.

“I would love to, but I can’t leave my dog, Smokey. He is my friend and protector. He is a big shaggy brown dog that barks at everything and is devoted to me. I love him so much, however I am going to have it out with him if he pushes me off the bed again and takes my blanket.” I said.

They both laughed at that. “You laugh, I have to fight with him every night for the bed and blanket and he cheats.” That really got them going. “Well I know where I stand here.” I huffed up and crossed my arms and patted my foot.

“You know you are really pretty when you do that.” said Harold. “I think you are really pretty any way. I love your hair and your eyes. And you have the softest lips. I am going to miss you a lot.” he said. I have been in heaven for this little moment of time and I don’t want it to end.”

“Neither do I. You are so sweet. I think you have the most wonderful eyes.” I said. “But I have a lot of responsibilities, so tomorrow I will be back in the grind on the farm.”

“We are leaving Saturday to go back to England. I will write as often as I can. Will you? Write that is.”

“Yes I will as often as I can.” I said. We looked and the reporter had them distracted with their backs to us and Harold leaned in and kissed me again. I felt warm all over and could feel the fire in my cheeks as his lips touched mine. I had to stand on tip toes to reach him but I didn’t mind. It was a short kiss, but I felt I knew who I wanted to be with. He blushed also and then he pulled me to him and held me close standing at his side. We were watching the river flow by standing there oblivious to all that was going on around us.

Finally, Mr. Givens came and got us and announced that we were going to get some barbeque and pig out. “If I pig out anymore I won’t be able to wear this dress anymore.” I said.

“Oh I’m sure you will find a way to fit into it.” He said with a grin.

Harold had never had barbeque before, slow cooked over hickory coals and a sauce to die for. He really pigged out and enjoyed it. I wound up having to wipe barbeque sauce off of his face throughout the entire meal. I suspected that he really didn’t mind and was doing it on purpose. Constance was having a ball eating with her fingers. She loved the chicken and ribs. “Diane, would you ever consider coming to see us in England?” Mr. Whitehall asked.

I looked at Harold and said. “Yes I am.”

“Great, I can show you around then.” said Constance. “That is if I could get you away from Harold long enough.”

I blushed in embarrassment. “Constance! Watch your manners.” said Mrs. Whitehall. “So what do your parents do for a living?” She asked.

“My Father is an over the road truck driver and my Mom works in a general merchandise store in town. I have inherited a controlling position in the farm my grandfather left us when I turn eighteen.”

“How big is this farm?” asked Mr. Whitehall.

“It is a little over five hundred acres but in about a week if my Uncle agrees it will grow to seven hundred acres.”

“So, you are going to buy some more land?’ asked Mr. Whitehall.

“We are looking at two hundred acres that is about a mile from where I live. It is not all tillable but a hundred and fifty five acres is tillable and should be very good ground. The current owner wants to retire and he has been raising cows and hay for the last three years. I also noticed the other day that it has a large population of ducks on it in the wooded low lands. I saw where a lot of people here in Memphis would like to have a place to hunt ducks so I think that it could make a pretty penny renting out duck pits on the weekend and during the week.” I said.

“Would that be worth the cost of the land? Or would it be a money pit instead of a duck pit.” asked Mr. Whitehall.

“Farming as a whole is a crap shoot, a gamble, if you will. The only thing that you can really do is to try to offset the chance of a loss. I am going to talk to the local game warden to see if I would need any special permits or licenses to do this. The output would be minimal so almost everything that is produced would be profit.” I said.

“You seem to have given this a lot of thought. Do you treat everything the same way?” He asked.

“No sir, there are some things that catch me by surprise and there is nothing I can do about it.” and I looked at Harold.

“You said you were going to talk to your Uncle about the land. Why aren’t you consulting with your parents instead? It would seem to me that they would be the ones to be in on the decision making process.” said Mr. Whitehall.

“My parents are separated and I had to become an emancipated minor to stay on the farm.” I said.

“What is an emancipated minor? Mr. Whitehall asked.

“I am for all practical purposes a legal adult. I can make decisions for myself and I can own property and be responsible for my own finances. That was a decision that didn’t come lightly and without a considerable amount of angst. I prayed hard over that decision.” I said.

“But you still have your mother don’t you?” He persisted.

“Something tragic happened and her mother won’t have anything to do with her.” said Mr. Givens.

“What could be so tragic that a mother would abandon a child?” asked Mrs. Whitehall appalled at the thought.

I couldn’t speak, my throat was getting tight and my eyes started to burn. “Diane, was shot then beaten by two thugs that were trying to steal a tractor. She caught them a few days later trying to break into her house and she had to kill them both, now her mother and her father have abandoned her. She didn’t have a choice it was in self-defense according to the Sheriff. It also seems as though one of them was wanted in the shooting of a Missouri State Trooper. Yes sweetheart I looked in on the whole thing and told the Sheriff that if anything looked like it was going to go wrong to call me first. You have a really good man there.” Mr. Givens stated. “I think you did the right thing. I know I should have told you, but you have had a full plate lately and I didn’t think you needed anything else right now. So don’t cry it’s over, all of it. You can go on with your life and from where I stand it looks like a great life.”

Then Harold took his napkin and wiped the tears from my eyes. I thanked him and thanked Mr. Givens. Harold took my hand and squeezed it gently and said, “You really are more special than I ever suspected.”

Mr. Whitehall spoke up and asked. “Diane have you ever been to Wales?”

“No sir I can’t say I have. I have been to Cypert though if that counts.” I said.

“’Close enough. I want you to come see us this year if you would. I would love it if you would come to Wales to visit.” said Mr. Whitehall. “I know good people. I have made a fortune being able to tell how a person is going to turn out and I think you are going to turn out well.”

The waiter a black man came over to me and asked. “Honey, are you alright?”

“Yes sir. I’m being a silly girl. That’s all.” I said.

“Well now you can go on being a silly girl all you want. Especially as pretty as you are.” he said.

I was looking at him he looked so familiar. “Is there something wrong?” he asked.

“You look like a friend of mine. A really good friend.” I said.

“What’s this friend’s name?” he asked.

“Earl. Earl Haskins.” I said.

“I have a brother named Earl that lives down around Salem. I haven’t seen him in a long time I miss him so much.” he said. “If you see him tell him Demetrius said hello and wants him to call. Here is my number. And thank you for telling me about him. Uh, he hasn’t told you any stories about a picnic down by the White river has he?”

“Are you the one with the snake?” I asked.

“Yes mam I am. They let me stand there with that snake for a while before one of them came out and killed it and took it from me. I ain’t been hoggin since.” He said.

“Hoggin?” asked Mr. Whitehall.

“It’s where you go out and feel for fish in holes under the water and catch them by hand. You can get some big ones but like Mr. Demetrius here you can also get some things you don’t want.” I said.

“That sounds exciting. I am going to add that to my list of things to do before I die.” said Mr. Whitehall.

“Well you go and have a good time I ain’t goin’ again.” said Mr. Demetrius. “Now, how about another rack of ribs or some pecan pie and ice cream.”

“What is a pecan pie?” Constance asked.

“It is heaven on earth. Pecans cooked into a pie shell with a filling of karo syrup.” I said and licked my lips. “When you put a spoonful of vanilla ice cream on it after it is warmed up you will want to jump up and dance a jig.” I said.

“Oh Lord don’t tell me you haven’t had a pecan pie? That’s it you get a piece for all three of you.” Demetrius said, Mr. Whitehall was holding his hand up with a please I want one to look on his face. “All right sir, you too. How about the rest of you? All of you then, coming right up.”

The pecan pie was excellent I could tell that Mr. Whitehall loved it very much. He almost ate the plate too. “Diane if Harold lets you go, I want you. Anybody that can recommend such a delicacy is a catch.”

“I think you have one problem with that scenario.” Mrs. Whitehall exclaimed.

“What is that love?” Mr. Whitehall said pretending to be innocent.

“ME!” Mrs. Whitehall stated. “I think you are a little old for Diane.”

“Ah, Yes. I do believe you have a point there.” said Mr. Whitehall and we all erupted into laughter.

As we were leaving, Harold pulled me to the front away from the adults. “Are you serious about coming to see me?”

“Yes I am. I would like to see England and you.” I caught myself batting my eyes at him.

“I would like that very much. You know I have never kissed a girl before today. I don’t know what has gotten into me. I really want to see you again, soon if you can.”

“I can’t believe that the English girls have let something as gorgeous as you get away. I really want to see you again soon too.”

He leaned down and kissed me again and I had the sensation of being in the sun with the wind blowing all around me, I could hear the robins singing a beautiful song. When he stopped, my head was spinning and the room seemed a lot brighter. The parents were standing there watching and Mrs. Whitehall had her camera out and she had snapped a picture of us kissing. I hoped it wasn’t color film because my cheeks were on fire. They left and went back to the hotel and we went home. Mrs. Givens hugged me tight and just chatted on and on about everything, but what she really wanted to talk about. Later that evening she and I had a mother daughter discussion about the facts of life as they would affect me.

I had to get up early like usual, but this time I had to be ready to go when Mr. Givens did. I had to meet with Mr. Washington at nine o’clock to sign some paper work. I missed Harold already, so I called the hotel and got him on the phone. We talked for about ten minutes before I did my exercises and went back upstairs to get ready to go. Julie stuck her head in the door and told me she was going to be taking me downtown. I asked what she was going to be wearing and she told me a pant suit. She told me to put on the one in the closet and the black boots. I met her downstairs and got a piece of toast and a glass of orange juice from Ms. Sarah. I read the business section and came across an article about a new class of antibiotic drugs that were going to be put on the market soon. I checked the company’s stock offerings and their performance then I called Mr. Washington and placed an order for the stock.

I waited for Julie to come down. She finally did and Mrs. Givens came with her, both were so beautiful it was breathtaking. Then we took off and met Mr. Washington downtown in his office in one of the bank buildings. He said that since I was an emancipated minor I had to sign papers attesting to that fact and send him a copy of the papers to him as soon as possible. I signed the papers and then we left. We went back to the house and got packed and left. On the way out of town, we stopped and grabbed a snack. Julie was in a good mood that morning.

“Why are you so happy this morning?” I asked.

“Ted and I had a serious talk yesterday about our future and we have come to the agreement that if things work out he wants to marry me next fall.”

“That’s fantastic. Have you told your parents yet?”

“No we thought we should wait a while especially after Robert’s problems. We didn’t think that the time was right for us to do that.”

“I understand. By the way, I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t say anything about Harold around Sally. I don’t think she would understand. I don’t understand, so I don’t know how she would. I mean she’s a girl and I feel like a girl so why does she kiss me and hug me and hold my hand like I was a boy. When Harold kissed me I didn’t resist and I didn’t’ try to stop it. I felt like a girl and it seemed right. When I am with Sally, I still feel like a girl and when she kisses me I feel confused, but I like it. I don’t know what to do.”

“She told me that she truly likes you but she still sees the shy sweet guy who is struggling with living rather than the self-confident and strong girl that you are becoming. She said she was going to try to stop touching you so much since it is making things confusing for her. She sees you still holding back some about who or what you are and she also doesn’t want to make things difficult for you. I would make an effort to talk to her though if I were you.” Julie told me.

I thought about that all the way back. I had to get some extra work caught up for history for the time I had missed. Even though my grade in there was an A-, the new teacher wanted me to do extra work. There was another kid in the class who had missed more than I had and he didn’t have to do extra work. I didn’t think it was fair and I believed that she was just being mean to me on purpose. I couldn’t prove it though. I had managed to pull all of my other grades up to an A- and I was doing better in band. I knew sooner or later I would be outed and either live my life as a girl or continue to live half in and half out of the girl world. Or I could see about the surgery.

“Diane, Ted wanted me to give these to you.” Julie handed me a prescription bottle and a prescription. “He said that you need to start taking these every day.” They were female hormones and a prescription for six months of refills.

“Why did he decide to do it? I thought he wanted to wait a while.” I said.

“He said that you were moving along lot faster than he anticipated and he wanted you to be moving toward the surgery since he felt you were going to do it whether he felt you were ready or not. He is concerned that you are going to have a lot of trouble with some of the people in your town and he didn’t want you to do anything that would be detrimental to your health or well-being. He said that you should start getting ready for a rough road ahead. Hatred, bigotry the whole gamut of things that make people ugly are what you are going to see soon. I know, I have seen some of it just being there for a few months. Listen, Diane there are people in that town that I am truly afraid of. They have no morals and no ethics and they profess to only be doing what is best for the community. Be careful is all I can say.” she said.

I thought about what she had said, “Julie, I am going to need to know who to be on the lookout for so I can at least avoid them instead of walking blindly into a trap. I know you don’t want to tell me, but if you really are my friend then it is your responsibility to tell me who to watch out for.” I said.

She looked at me and then she started talking. She spilled a long list of names and I wrote them down. Half the teachers in school and half the school board, several big business men and several elected officials. The worst though was the school board president. I knew that he was a member of the KKK and associated with several hate groups in the state. I only knew that because I was lying behind one of the stores after Hughie had caught me and beat me nearly senseless and the man had come out with one of the store owners and they talked about burning the home of one of the blacks in town to let them know that they weren’t exactly free to talk. He told the other man that a group from up north in the mountains was going to come do the job. They owed him a favor. I never told anybody what I had heard even after the house burned and it killed one of the family. I was going to have to really watch him because he made it look like he was one of the most racially neutral people in town and no one would believe me.

I took the list that she gave me and added the list that the chief gave me and compared them. They overlapped in places but it was a list of about twenty of the most powerful people in the county. Some even had expressed a dislike for some of the others on the list. It came back to the President of the school board, he was the one that worried me more than all the rest.

“I would like you to consider not going out dressed as a female cheerleader. I’m sure that would be the match to light the fuse to have you thrown out of school. It would also be very detrimental to the cheer squad. I haven’t told you but they are not going to allow you or the other two guys to be on the squad starting this week. So be prepared for it.” Julie stated.

“I guess that the Mrs. Carmichaels’ are getting ready to go to battle against one child. I just hope I can do battle and defeat them.”

“So do I honey. So do I.”

Chapter 25

We spent the rest of the day shopping and looking at all the new fashions for Christmas. Then we had to leave and go back to Salem. I want to stay for the rest of my life where I could be me, but I knew that I had obligations at home, namely a large black and brown dog named Smokey who was going to be a bear if I didn’t spend some time with him.

She took me home after stopping at her home and letting me put my clothes up and put on my other clothes. I helped her put her clothes up and visited with Defiance for a few minutes I asked him if he was going to be with me in the coming fight. He stood up on his hind legs and definitely shook his head yes. I felt better then.

At the barn, I had brought some bras and panties to wear since they fit better and a couple of pairs of pants and blouses. My butt just didn’t fit into my old pants anymore and I was having difficulty keeping the top of my shirts buttoned. I had made a closet in the center of the barn to keep my clothes clean and dry. So I hung my clothes in there. Ralph came out to see me and he brought news that I really didn’t want to hear.

“Hey how’s it going? I see you have almost filled in all of the cracks in the walls and gotten rid of all of that hay.” He said.

“Thanks. How is it going with you?” I asked making conversation.

“Well it was going pretty good until yesterday.” He said.

“I was watching TV after we had thanksgiving with Uncle Will’s family. Dad came home. He’s been really nice to both Mom and me. He keeps asking where his guns are and he tried to come out here and look around for them. He got real mad when he found that you had put a door up and locked it. So be careful he’s been drinking and he says he wants to talk to you. Uncle Will made me promise to call him as soon as you got home. I think he believes that there is going to be trouble when dad finds out you are here.” he said. “I need to talk to you about something that is important to me.”

“Okay shoot.”

“Are you gay?”

“No, I am turning into a girl and I can’t stop it. As far as being gay no, I don’t like any of the guys here. I really like Sally and I am not sure how it is going to turn out with her.” I said.

“Why are you turning into a girl? What happened?” he asked.

“Do you remember about two years ago when I told you I fell out of a tree and hurt myself?”

“Yeah, so what. We have all done that, but I aint turning into no girl.”

“My balls died then and I am not producing any male hormones so I am developing female traits now. I was recently diagnosed with gender identity disorder on top of that. So now I am going to become a female whether I want to or not.” I said.

“Do you want to?” he asked.

“Yeah I do. I am happier as a female and I function better as a female. So yes I want to be a female and I am going to be one.” I said.

“Okay as long as you aren’t gay and try to hit on any of the guys.”

“You tell them that they need not hit on me. I have already had to put up with three of the football players lying about me and two of the teachers too. I’m not going to play nice anymore. I am not going to roll over and take the abuse anymore.” I said.

“Don’t worry you won’t. You know Granddaddy asked me if I wanted to stay on the farm when he was writing his will but I told him that I didn’t want anything to do with it. I told him I wanted to join the military and see the world. I wanted to do more than toil in the fields all my life. He said he understood but he said something strange. The world isn’t all that great to see. Well, I had better get back. I’ll see you in school.” and he left.

Dad came out to the barn and since I had locked the door so he couldn’t come in on me. He stood down at the front of the barn and screamed for me. I walked up to the front loft doors and opened them. He was standing there with a can of beer in his hand drunk as a skunk. “Get your ass down here right now you little fag.”

I just stared at him for a minute, “No, now take your drunk ass and get off my property.”

“You little piece of shit. Get your ass down here now or I’ll come up there and get you.” he screamed and took another drink.

“No.” I said.

“If you don’t get down here I’ll burn you out. I’ll be damned if any kid of mine will tell me no.” he slurred. Then he grabbed some dried weeds and some wood scraps and piled them up against the door and lit it.

Uncle Will came up about that time, Ralph must have called him. He jumped out and stomped out the fire. I had gotten the bucket of dirt that I had scraped up from the floor and was going to pour it on the fire. Dad began to cuss Uncle Will and they got into a cuss fight. Then Dad told Uncle Will that he was going to burn that little faggot out and put an end to this. Uncle Will suddenly hit Dad once on the jaw and Dad fell to the ground.

“You aren’t going to burn anything and if anything comes up missing or destroyed I will find you and I will kick your ass. Now get the hell off of my property and don’t set foot on it again.” yelled Uncle Will. Dad got up and took off for the house.

“Are you alright?” he asked.

“Yes sir,” I said, even though I was scared to death. Dad really meant to kill me and that was all there was to it.

“Then come on down and get Smokey and let’s go. I can’t leave you here by yourself until your mother comes home.” he said.

“I thought he was with you.” I said and I suddenly had a very bad feeling about him.

“Come on let’s go find him. I’ll bet he’s caught a rabbit and he’s eating it.” Uncle Will said but he didn’t sound convincing.

We walked around the tractor yard and down to the old mule barn. That was where I found him. He had been shot several times and left there. I fell to my knees and picked up his head and cried. My best friend was dead and I knew who had done it. I jumped up and took off to the house. Uncle Will was trying to catch me, but I was mad and ran faster. I got to the house and could hear my Dad on the phone talking to someone. “Yeah baby, it looks like I am going to be leaving soon.” I ran into the living room and caught him by surprise and kicked him in the face as hard as I could, he dropped the phone and I kicked him again. Then I jumped on him and started beating him with my fists. I yelled at him the whole time. “You killed my dog you asshole. My best friend you shot him and left him for dead. I’m going to make you suffer like you made him suffer.” I kept going until Uncle Will came into the house and pulled me off. Dad sat up and I saw him reach into his waistband under his shirt. He pulled out a small pistol and I kicked at it and knocked it out of his hand. Uncle Will grabbed him by the hair of the head and his arm and threw him out the front door and told him to get gone and don’t come back ever or he would kill him. I guess that Dad knew when he was beat because he took off like a scalded dog. I haven’t seen him since.

I went down and got Smokey’s body and brought it up to the house I picked a spot under his favorite tree and dug a grave for him. I wrapped him in a blanket and laid him in the grave. I couldn’t just bury him without a few words so I thought hard about it and said, “Smokey my best friend and protector I hope you rest in peace with plenty of rabbits and squirrels to chase. I’m so sorry I wasn’t here to protect you from that monster. I know that you would have been here to protect me. Rest in peace.” And I filled in the grave and made a little cross and placed it at his head. Then I took some paint and wrote his name on the cross.

Ralph went down to the courthouse without anybody knowing about it and asked the court to find Dad and make him start paying child support. He said that Mom didn’t deserve to work herself into an early grave. The judge must have agreed because the checks started coming as regular as clockwork every week. Things got better for Ralph after that. I was also helping by starting a savings account for him to get money when he needed it, but he didn’t know who had set it up or why. I figured that he didn’t deserve to suffer either.

I worked on the barn and managed to finally get the loft in good shape in a couple of weeks except for the roof that was a tin roof. It had some serious issues from its age. I was going to have to replace it when I could. I knew that I would have to replace several of the rafters. As I looked at it, I saw that I was going to have to replace the entire roof. This was going to be expensive. I wondered if I could get the saw mill in town to cut up some of the trees in the wood lot. I took a tape measure and measured the old rafters and found that I was going to have to have sixteen foot rafters but instead of two by four, I wanted two by six rafters to withstand the weight of the long runs in the roof. I knew that the eight by eight oak columns would be able to handle the weight of a heavier roof. I needed an architect to help me, I was quickly getting into an area of building that I didn’t know anything about. I wondered if that student could help me. I would ask Mr. Givens how to get ahold of him. That evening Uncle Will came by and saw me drawing the barn to make a design for a home.

“Hey you alright?” he asked.

“Yes sir. I was just sitting here trying to figure out how to reinforce the roof and replace it and how much it would cost.” I said.

“So you really are thinking about living here?” he asked.

“Yes sir why not. I really can’t go into the house now, Mom and I finally spoke this afternoon. Well we didn’t speak it was more like a shouting match. She said Dad told her that I picked a fight and that you threw him out. She said he didn’t know why I did such a thing. Then I told her to tell that to Smokey and that she could find him under the tree in the back. Then I told her to check the phone bill when it comes in to see how much it cost for him to call his girlfriend. She really didn’t like that and said that he wasn’t seeing anybody else. I told her to take the blinders off and get with the program. He came home to get the things that I hid from those thugs and that he had no intentions of staying. Needless to say it degenerated after that and she went inside.” I said.

He just shook his head, “Dennis I know it’s hard for you right now but you have to understand that it is just as hard for her too. She at least had a little income coming in from him. Now she is having to support the two of you and keep this house up. I think she wants to live in town where she will be close to work and has people around her. I have been trying to get her to sell the house to me if that is the way she feels but she said she would rather let it rot down first.” He said.

“What if we have someone buy it for us. So she wouldn’t know who it was that was buying it?” I said.

“What do you mean?” he said.

“Enter into a contract with someone to buy the house for us. We pay the money and pay them a fee.” I said. “It would have to be someone that we could trust that would keep their mouths shut. Or since she wants to live in town, what we could do is buy a house that is worth about the same as this one and do a property swap with a contracted purchaser. I’ll bet she would go for it. We might have to throw in a little money to do it but we would be able to keep the house and the five acres. And I could use a place to live.” I said.

“Let me check on that we might be able to do it.” he said.

“So do you know when she wants to sell?” I asked.

“Soon is all I get out of her.” he said. “I don’t think she has a buyer and she doesn’t have a real estate agent. I think we may be able to pull this off. I’ll see you later.”

“Wait, do you think the sawmill in town would saw some logs for me? Reasonable.” I asked.

“Yeah, but not reasonable. You would be better off to go down to Reynolds and get him to do it. He’s a lot better and he’ll do it for a good price. If you are going to cut some logs out of the wood lot then get them out of the northern end. And cut up the limbs into firewood so nothing is wasted.”

“Yes Sir.” And he was gone. I went back to work and got the doors to the loft to seal better. I had my truck there, George had found another bed and put it on the truck, the color didn’t match, but that didn’t matter. I could get it painted later. All the lights worked on it so that was a plus. I had found a winch that would be perfect for it. I just had to figure out a way to mount it. George said he could build a custom bumper for the front and the back. I told him that would be great. I took the truck and drove over to the wood lot. I got my tape measure out and started looking for trees that were straight and could be turned into lumber the right length and dimension. I guessed that I would need a lot of lumber. I needed to talk to the architect first.

The next morning I got up and drove up to Ms. Givens house. We had made a date to go to church. I had brought my bath things and took a bath. She wasn’t up yet so she let me in and went back to bed. I took my bath and got ready to go. She got up and took her bath. I made some pancakes and bacon while she was getting dressed. She came out and I brought her a cup of coffee even though she offered to do it for me. She groused about me never letting her forget about spilling the cokes on me that day. Defiance came out of his little house and I gave him a piece of pancake. My hair was almost dry so I brushed it out and styled it a little. Ms. Givens came in and sat down next to me.

“Diane. Annie and Sally came by yesterday and both of them were upset. They had heard that it was final they aren’t going to let the boys on the cheerleading squad. I know that you want to do this but maybe it’s for the best. This way you can keep a low profile and not attract any more attention than you need.” She said.

“That’s alright I was wondering how I was going to do all of the things that they want me to do. I still have a lot of things to do to the barn to make it livable for the winter. Although I may have that problem solved. I heard that my Mom wants to sell the house and move in town. She doesn’t want to sell it to us though. We may have found a sneaky way around that. Then I would have a heated house with a bath. Hallelujah!” I said.

“That would be nice, you would be able to keep your clothes there also.”

“Yeah I could. I didn’t think about that. I could get dressed at home and come on up to go to church. I wouldn’t have to get up at o’dark thirty to come up here to take a bath.” I said.

“Yes now we have to get going if we are going to find a good seat.” She said.

We met the Killibrew’s at church and I sat next to Chrissy. She was radiant this morning. Her boyfriend was two rows up in front of us. The sermon was about being true to yourself and I found it interesting, not that I understood everything, but it was interesting. I tried to be true to myself all the time. To be honest to myself about who I was and who I wanted to be. I tried to be honest with those around me also. I knew that in a perfect world I could do that but not here in the buckle of the Bible belt. I was different and that was not tolerated, although the young people were starting to see that being different wasn’t a bad thing. To have an idea, a dream, was good thing, to step outside of the box wasn’t around here.

These people here would probably have a seizure if they knew I was born a boy and was coming to their church dressed as a girl. I could just see it now. Mrs. Rich and Powerful would scream and her husband would come to investigate and he would physically eject me from the house of God screaming obscenities the whole time. The preacher would come down from the front and tell me that I was going to hell and that I needed to change my ways. Yes, I try to be true to myself as much as possible, but I needed to live more than that. I also knew that a certain sect of the populace would consider me a cancer and try to eliminate me from the social body by any means they deemed necessary. They would justify their actions as what was best for the people. Just as the Nazi’s justified imprisoning people for their religion, ethnic back ground, sexual orientation and political ideals that didn’t agree with their leader’s ideas of purity, so would these people do whatever they thought was right to protect their own standard of moral purity. This country is full of examples of it with the Native Americans, African Americans, German and Japanese of World War II.

We left and Mr. Killibrew wanted to try a new restaurant in Mississippi that was supposed to have a wonderful menu and a great atmosphere. Ms. Givens agreed to go with them and we took off. I didn’t mind going since I really didn’t have anything else to do. I was caught up on my homework and I would have just laid around the barn all afternoon until it was time to go to bed. I really liked being around the Killibrew family anyway. They treated me nice every time that I was with them. Mr. Killibrew said he wanted to talk to me for a few minutes anyway.

We went to the Restaurant and it wasn’t right across the river like Mr. Killibrew said. Mrs. Killibrew was giving him a hard time about the length of the trip. Chrissy and I were sitting in the back seat snickering about her Mom and Dad with Junior. Finally, we stopped at a small town that had a beautiful downtown area. There in the middle was an old hotel that had been turned into a restaurant. It wasn’t much to look at on the outside but on the inside, it was very well done. With dark paneling, that was reminiscent of late nineteenth century décor and the chair rails around the walls, there was an old gas chandelier in the center with crystal globes, it was beautiful. We had just sat down when I looked up and there was the president of the school board with some rather unfriendly types. I kept my head down and he didn’t see me or I didn’t think he saw me. Mr. Killibrew saw him though and had the most sour look on his face. “I don’t know how he got elected to the school board. He is probably one of the worst examples of how kids should grow up. I really don’t care for him at all.” he said.

Ms. Givens reached under the table and held my hand and gave it a little squeeze. “Honey are you alright?”

“Yes mam. I just don’t like that man. He makes my blood run cold. Not for the reason that we discussed the other day, but for something much more serious.” I said. I saw two men come in wearing suits, one of them turned just right and I saw a badge on his belt buckle as they were asking the waitress something. I asked Mr. Killibrew to come with me and we approached the men. Mr. Killibrew introduced himself and one of the men identified himself as an agent of the FBI. I told him that I knew he was following the school board member and his friends. He asked me if I knew where he was and I told them he was in the back and that they needed to arrest him.

Mr. Killibrew asked if I knew anything that I needed to tell. I told them about lying in the alley after getting the crap beat out of me and hearing the conversation he had with one of the men that were with him now. The FBI guy went and found a telephone, after he told me to stay out of sight. We went back to the table like nothing had happened. In a few minutes, about three deputies and two state troopers showed up. Two of the deputies left and went around to the back door and the rest went into the back. A terrible ruckus ensued with chairs breaking and lots of cussing, but in a few minutes, they came back out with the three of them in handcuffs. Later that week I learned that, the three of them were charged with first degree murder. Well one down off the list and a bunch to go.

Mr. Killibrew got me alone back at his house. We went into his office and he shut the door. “Diane, I need to talk to you seriously and I don’t want to offend you or make you feel persecuted.” he said. Then Julie and Mrs. Killibrew came in. “I was approached by a member of the community the other day and in the conversation you came up. It seems as though there are some parents who want you removed from school permanently. They feel as though you are a bad influence on the other kids and that you are a…..” and he paused looking for the right word.

I beat him to the punch. “Pervert. Is that the word you are trying to avoid?”

“Yes, yes, that’s it. He called you things I had never heard. I reminded him that he was supposed to be a Christian. I told him I didn’t want to hear that kind of language anytime. He said that he wasn’t the only one that felt the way he did. When I asked what was to happen to you, he said it would be better that you disappeared to become someone else’s problem as long as he and his friends didn’t have to see you. I made him mad when I repeated what he had said, that you were offending he and his friends not the kids. That was when he said that I could either be with them or be against them. It really doesn’t matter to me since Chrissy and Junior go to the private school, but I think that he and some of the others there are going to try to have you permanently suspended from school. I bring this up because Mr. Corning is representing them and has approached me to work a deal to prevent this from going public. He knows that our law firm represents you in other matters and he feels as it would hurt everybody involved.” He said.

“Sounds like the former school board president talking if you ask me.” I said.

“You know it does.” said Mrs. Killibrew. “I wonder if the school board will want the publicity especially after they find out that the police took him and his friends away today.”

“It won’t hurt your case. I think we ought to sit on this for a few days and see what happens.” He said. “But in the meantime don’t do anything that will draw attention to yourself. In other words, dress neutral and act neutral. You don’t have to be untrue to yourself, but instead you have to be a sensible person who has to get an education to get ahead in life. After you get away from that bunch of adders you can do whatever you want.” he said.

“I see, in order to graduate I will need to lay low and not develop or express my feminine personality.” I said. Then a horrible thought struck me. “Does this extend to my personal life also?”

“Unfortunately it will to a degree. I think that they can prevent you from coming to any after school event or function and if they so deem you a nuisance, then they can use any actions on your part to have you removed from school. We are prepared to go to court for you but I can honestly say that by the time the case would be resolved you would be out of school anyway the only real positive thing that would come out of it would be case law for the future.”

“Tell me could I get my GED if I were suspended from school and if I managed to get it then would I be able to go on to college?” I asked.

“Yes, you would be able to get your GED, but I’m not sure if there is an age limit for going to college.” said Ms. Givens. “You know I will help you no matter what. However, it would be better if you stayed in school. These people just want you to disappear so they won’t have to deal with you. Staying in school would really cook their goose.”

“I know that, but would it be the right thing for me. How would the pressure of trying to conform and keep the hate mongers at bay affect me and my ability to learn. I mean I am already under tremendous pressure now, what would it be like if they go on and try to toss me out of school? To me it would seem a better thing to let them do it and I get a GED and go on to college. That way I can get a jump on life and be ready to take my place as a co-owner.” I said.

“I think that you need to talk to the college and see about getting a GED first and then find out if they will take you in college at an early age. Then we can make better plans.” said Mr. Killibrew.

That was the plan then. The rest of the afternoon was spent talking about boys with Chrissy and fashion with Mrs. Killibrew and Ms. Givens. We solved a few of the world’s problems in there also. Now if we could just get the government to pay attention to us things would be fantastic.

Chrissy and I helped cook supper. It wasn’t anything elaborate just toasted cheese and bologna sandwiches with French fries and baked beans. I loved to cook, but I hated to have to clean. Ms. Givens and Mrs. Killibrew agreed to clean if we would cook so it was on. I fixed the baked beans with a little hamburger meat and karo syrup added. Then I cut up the potatoes and fried them. We fixed the sandwiches and called everyone to the table. I was sitting next to Junior and he held my hand during the prayer. I didn’t think anything about it since I was holding Chrissy’s hand on the other side. Mr. Killibrew asked who taught me to cook. I told him the back of the box and by asking questions. He seemed to like that answer and laughed.

That evening after getting back to Ms. Given’s house, she wanted to know what I thought of church. “I really love to go. I know they would hate me if they knew about me, but I am not going for them. I am going to worship my God who I love very much. I know that he is looking out for me because he told me so. I just wish I could be there with friends and family. Instead of having to go way off to go to church, I would rather be there, but that isn’t going to happen.” I explained.

“I love church and the music. I thought at one time about being a nun but I really couldn’t see me doing that.” I gave her a surprised look and she huffed up then continued. “I would love to direct a choir but there isn’t an opening around here. I tried to get the choir directors job at the big church on the highway, but they wanted a married woman who was a little on the…how do I say it? Dumpy side, yes that is it. They didn’t want someone that was single and fairly good looking because they wanted someone that wouldn’t detract from the service with their good looks. I guess I’m happy that I didn’t get the job, I don’t believe that I could stand the bigots that go there. As I was leaving the interview one of the assholes even had the nerve to ask me out and he was married.” she said.

“I understand about bigots going to church,” I said.

“I wish you would consider staying here for the night. I’m sure that your dog will be alright for one night.” she said.

I hung my head and the tears came again. “Smokey’s dead. My dad killed him. I found him after I got back from Memphis.”

“I am so sorry honey I didn’t know. So did you confront your father?”

“I kicked the shit out of him and my Uncle threw him out the door and told him not to ever come back. He, I guess, was after the guns and his tools. He didn’t get either one of them since I hid them after the first burglary attempt. I buried Smokey under his favorite tree so he could have shade in the summer and be able to watch the place year round.” I said.

“Then stay with me tonight and you can go home tomorrow afternoon.” she said. I feel lonely tonight and I would love it if you would stay here with me.” She had a worried tone to her voice. I was wondering if Mr. Johnson was out of jail.

“Okay I’ll stay. Have you been having visitors at night outside?” I asked trying not to bring up his name.

Chapter 26

“I don’t know. I feel like I am being watched though. Like now. I am positive someone is watching.” she said.

I moved in close so I could whisper to her. I told her I was going to put on a pair of pants and some flats and get in my truck and drive around the corner and walk back up to the house to have a look around. I wanted her to take off her clothes and walk around the house. That would distract him to the point of not paying attention to his surroundings. She grinned and agreed.

I changed clothes and got in my truck and took off. I drove down the street and parked and came back up the street quietly. Sure enough there he was. Standing at one of her windows masturbating. I had taken to carrying a baseball bat in the truck with me. I took it and swung as hard as I could and hit him in the leg with it. He went down screaming. I hit him twice more and told him to lay still or I would hit him again. It was Mr. Johnson he had gotten out on bond and was right back doing what he had done to get in jail the first time. Ms. Givens called the police who came right away. They put the handcuffs on him and took him away. He was yelling about being set up and attacked. This time he was put in jail without bond.

I went and brought my truck back. I took a bath and went to bed and slept better than I had in a while. The next morning was beautiful. It was cool but not cold and the sun was shining bright through a blue sky. Ms. Givens came in and woke me up. I got up and got ready for school. I put on a blouse and a pair of pants and my saddle oxfords, The only concession I made to looking really feminine was the lacy ankle socks. Well I like them. So there.

I called Sally and asked if she was ready to go to school. She said yes and I met her at her house where her Mom hugged me again and fussed about me not coming back more. We walked to school and I told her about catching Mr. Johnson outside Ms. Givens home last night. She thought it was funny to have smacked him with the bat while he was pleasuring himself. I expressed the view that he couldn’t help himself that he was a really sick man, but I didn’t think he could be trusted to not be violent.

I changed the subject to how good Sally looked. She smiled and told me that she wasn’t the only one that looked good. Annie came out of her house and ran up to us. Sally filled her in on the peeper and she laughed too. I asked if she and Gil had seen each other over the weekend. That started a torrent of how great Gil was and how much she enjoyed being with him. She told me that he wasn’t just a nerd but an athlete who lifted weights and ran every day. I was jealous, I loved to run and do my exercises. We listened to Annie all the way to school. As we approached the school, we saw Amy with her boyfriend.

“Diane, Sally, I just want you to know how much I appreciated the help with the dress. I got more compliments from his Mom and Dad and Jerry just loved it. He got player of the year and I got the most beautiful of the banquet.” she said.

Jerry came up and surprised the poo out of us by telling me thank you for helping Amy. “She looked so good. I was the proudest one there. She looked totally beautiful. Thanks Diane.”

All three of us just about fainted. He called me Diane and in a nice way. I was ecstatic that someone actually used my name without teasing me. Carey came up and had a sad look on her face. “Diane I have some bad news.”

“Don’t tell me. I’m off the Squad.” I said.

“Why yes they just told me. So how did you know?” asked Carey.

“Ms. Givens said that it was going to happen. She said someone complained to the school board and they ruled that boys couldn’t be on the squad.” I said. “But I have it on a good authority that the one that made the ruling was arrested by the FBI yesterday in Mississippi.”

“So do you think they will let you back on the Squad?” asked Carey.

“No, I think it will be a year or two before they will let guys on the squad.” I said. “However I will keep my fingers crossed.”

It was another day in paradise going from class to class. The kids were getting used to my appearance and the changes I was going through so they were saying less and less about it. Some of the jerks who were less endowed with mental capabilities would say something every time they saw me, although I couldn’t help but notice that they wouldn’t actually try anything physical. It was as if they were trying to get me to be the aggressor. Two of them were the children of people on my list. I wondered if they were doing it on purpose. This day went relatively well, I didn’t have to kill anybody, I didn’t get attacked and I only received two death threats in my locker. One was a little extreme though.

I walked up to my locker to get a book and noticed that there were papers sticking out that hadn’t been there before. I checked the lock and found it to be open. I stepped to the hinge side and pulled the locker open. In an instant, a large cotton mouth snake came out and landed on the floor. I jumped back and avoided it. One of the teachers came running up to see what was going on and just about stepped on it. He started screaming and wanted to know what was going on. One of the jerks pointed at me and said it was all my fault for keeping a snake in my locker. The teacher asked if that was true. I told him no I hated snakes. Then the jerk took out a pillow case and got the snake to go in it and he tied it up.

“I’ll just take it and put it outside.” said the jerk.

The teacher wasn’t born yesterday and took the jerk to the office. He got a three day suspension for putting a deadly snake in my locker. Having a pillow case handy and using, it to catch the snake was a dead give-away. He should have gotten rid of the pillow case and not hung around after the teacher showed up. He admitted to putting it in the locker, but he said it was a joke. He was told that the police would be consulted as to whether it was attempted murder. The next day he was arrested and taken to jail for attempted murder. The charges were reduced to especially aggravated battery. He plead guilty to the charge and was given three years of supervised probation where he couldn’t step even a little out of line. I hated that his life was screwed up because he wanted to impress his parents. What I really wanted to know though was where had he found a cotton mouth in the late fall.

The next day I went to the city hall with Uncle Will to take my driving test for my hardship license. I breezed through it and got my license. I was legal to drive now, but I couldn’t go cruising at night or anything like that. I could go to and from school and work and use it for trips to the grocery store and things like that. We went back home and he was talking about the farm that was for sale. He said that he talked to Mr. Williams and he would sell to us but he wanted to live in the house until he died. “I don’t see a real problem with that. Except, would the insurance go for it and would we be responsible for anything that happened to him on the place.” The four of us went to see him that afternoon to work out the details of the sale.

He was a nice man who had a heart attack back in the summer and now he couldn’t work the farm. He was a shell of the man that I remembered. His wife was a pleasant lady who didn’t complain about anything and was just as nice as she could be. Mr. Williams told Uncle Will that he was selling to us because of Granddaddy and how he had treated him in the past, helping him when he got down and not taking anything for it. The other bidder had always been a pain in his behind and he didn’t want him to have the land or the house.

Uncle Will thanked him and suddenly he didn’t want to know how the insurance would work. He told me later that he remembered working the land here and now he knew why they had worked it. We talked about the way the land laid out and how much it produced every year. Finally, he told us that the best thing that we could do was to put it all in vegetables. He felt as though the bottom was going to fall out of cotton and the only thing that wouldn’t fall was food crops.

I didn’t say anything, but I had come to the same conclusion. I was reading the local business papers and the business papers out of Chicago that dealt with agricultural issues. I was even looking at rice as a second crop, anything but cotton.

I asked if I could walk around the place for a few minutes. Uncle Will said he was going to leave in a few minutes. I told him I would be okay to walk home. He said yeah sure, I’ve heard that before. I just wrinkled up my nose at him and took off. He looked at George and flipped his head for him to go with me. We walked the entire area looking at the fences and the general condition of the land. I noticed that the grass was really thick and it would make great hay. I found the hay baler and the hay that had been cut and baled. There were about four hundred bales of hay stacked in the back. We climbed to the top of the stack and got a bird’s eye view of the area. It was basically flat with a creek running down one edge of it. That area was lower and it seemed to be wet from where we stood. There was a good stand of timber on it that could be worth quite a bit. I noticed that there were quite a few ducks in the creek area. I had talked to the game warden and found out that I didn’t need any permits to allow duck hunting. He said that a bunch of farmers in the Grand Prairie region were closing their farms to all, but paying hunters. They were making good money by providing a place for the hunters to sleep and eat. Most of the hunters were from up north and out west and they were generally very well to do. He gave me the names of a couple of farmers that were doing that and how to get ahold of them and wished me good luck. Uncle Will had started the paper work for the land and got it pushed through. We closed about two weeks later.

George made the comment that he would like to have a deer camp to make some extra money. I thought it was a good idea but with everybody cutting down all the timber and clearing the land, it would be difficult to have enough deer to do it. George thought that maybe we could rent some of the Corp of Engineers land next to the levy to make one. I didn’t know that the Corp of Engineers did anything like that. That would be something to look into.

We walked around the entire place and when we got back to the house, I asked if he was making a profit on the hay. He replied that he was doing better with it than he had with cotton the last year he planted it. I asked if the equipment was going with the farm. He said he would sell it with the farm for a little more. He had a combine and two nice 1066 tractors with all the equipment. George wanted to know when the last time the land had been fertilized and the last time the flooded area had been harvested for timber. I wanted to know if he had any negative problems with the farm. He said none. I asked if he had a buyer for the hay yet.

“Yeah I have found a guy out in Oklahoma that is coming to get it in three days. He said he would take all of the hay he can get his hands on. The National Weather Service is predicting a bad winter out west and they didn’t do well this past summer with the hay. So he thinks he can make a pretty good profit on the hay.” He said.

I knew where a large field was that was right for hay cutting. I talked to George about it and we decided to ask if he would let us cut the grass for hay. We could rent the hay baler and haul the hay to the house to stack up and sell. Uncle Will wasn’t exactly excited about it but he went along with it since it was a lot of hard work. We went and talked to the man about cutting his field and baling it up. He agreed but he wanted a percentage of the profits. Fifty percent to be exact, and we weren’t going to go along with that at all. I told George that I thought he was trying to rip us off. George agreed. We told him that we couldn’t break even on that. We told him we would cut it and bale it for what it normally would cost to cut it. The man told us to beat it he would let it rot down. We bid him goodbye and left. Later that night Uncle Will got a phone call from the man’s wife and she wanted us to cut the field now just to get it cut and out of the way. He told him we would cut it on the next day and bale it on Saturday.

The next day Uncle Will went over there with a sickle mower and cut the whole field. He said we should be able to get about a hundred and fifty bales off of it. Mr. Williams let us use the baler and two of his flatbed trailers to put the hay on. He even offered to tell the guy that was buying his hay that we should have some ready on Saturday.

On Saturday, we went out there and got to work. Uncle Will said he didn’t trust the man he talked to at all so he went by the house and his wife signed a contract for him to mow and bale up the grass. We would do this for the hay instead of money. Her husband was a jerk with a capital ‘J’. We got it baled up and stacked on the trailer when the man came down to the field and demanded payment for his hay. Uncle Will pulled out the contract and showed it to him. He wanted to know who signed it yelling and hollering all the time about how he was going to call the Sheriff. Uncle Will told him to go ahead and do it. Then we drove off. This guy was red hot. The reason that all of his fields had lain fallow for the past two years was because he was a thief and the last guy to try and rent his land got ripped off. So no one would work it. Now the guy was having tax problems and was about to lose the farm due to past due taxes. He wanted to rip us off to make a dent in the taxes so he could hang onto the land. Funny though he was driving, a new pickup and he always had these really expensive cowboy boots on and a lot of jewelry that I bet could make his tax bill if he were to sell it.

I had to go pee so I hopped down off the trailer and walked down into the edge of the woods. I peed and found a small path that led down into the woods. I followed it and found a small clearing that had all of these big green leafy bushes growing. You could see where they were kept cultivated and watered. I found two five gallon buckets with leaves in them. I took a couple of leaves and stuck them in my pocket and started back up the path. I heard the owner coming down the path just a fussing. I hid in the bushes on the side of the path. He walked up to the clearing and took the buckets. Two guys came out of the woods on the other side of the clearing and the three of them started gathering the leaves from the bushes. I slipped off and met back up with Uncle Will and showed him the leaves and asked what they were. He told me to get my truck and get going and don’t stop until I reached the house. I had found a marijuana patch and this guy wouldn’t like it if someone had found it. So I was out of there.

Back at the house I was telling George about it when the Sheriff came up. He talked to Uncle Will and looked at the contract. He seemed satisfied with it. “Dennis how are things going? Have those two women from the DHS come back?”

“No sir, I haven’t seen them lately, but I want to thank you for helping me with them.” and I walked over to him and shook his hand. He looked at me kind of funny like, but didn’t say anything. Then he drove off. I didn’t say anything to the others, but I had drawn a map while they were talking to the Sheriff showing the Sheriff where to find the marijuana. I figured I owed him that much.

After the count, we found that we had two hundred and twenty five bales of hay. We had actually made a hundred dollars profit off that one field. Uncle will got another call that night from the man’s wife who had the marijuana. “Mr. Jordan this is Sandra Davis.”

“Yes mam, what can I do for you.” he said.

“I don’t guess anyone knows it, but I am the actual owner of the land that you cut and baled today.” she said.

“No I thought he was the owner since he is your husband.” Uncle Will stated.

“We aren’t married and I don’t think we are going to be living together much longer either. I found something in the garage that I am very opposed to. Anyway I want to know if you would like to rent my land this year and farm it on the shares?” Ms. Davis asked.

“How much land is there?” he asked.

“I have three hundred acres more or less that is tillable. I liked it when you came to me to get a contract signed. By the way, don’t let go of that contract you have. Herman has been trying to find the one that I have all afternoon.” she said.

“You know I would love to have the acres to farm, how about if you meet me and my wife in town on Monday at the lawyer’s office and sign a contract. He could give each one of us a copy and keep the original in his office.” Uncle Will said.

“That would be fine with me.” she said

The next day was Sunday and I decided to skip church to keep a low profile. I worked out and made sure that all of my homework was done. I was finishing the loft floor when a truck showed up outside. It was the architect that had come out there that day. “Hey is anybody home. He called.”

“Hi there, you are back.” I said.

“Yeah Mr. Givens said you needed an architect to do some drawings for you.” He said.

“That’s right let me get down and let’s talk.” I said.

I got down and walked up to him and stuck out my hand and said, “My name is Diane what is yours?”

“I’m David Hart.” he said and we shook hands.

I told him what I would like to do, but I didn’t know how to do it or how much it would cost. He said he could draw me some plans based on the measurements he had taken the last time he was here. He said that the biggest problem was the roof. It was in bad shape and needed replacing. He had a few things in mind though that he would like to see done. Like changing the way, the side boards run instead of up and down he wanted to have them run horizontally like clapboards. But he wanted to use the existing boards to do it with. His idea was to recycle as much as possible and not waste a thing. I was up for that. He and I talked for a while and then he left again. He was driving an old Datsun truck that was pretty beat up. He looked like a college student and was a graduate student of Engineering who was doing a paper on the late 1800’s to the early 1900’s farm architecture of the area and he was doing this as a favor to Mr. Givens who was helping him through school.

I had finished putting up the tools when Ralph came out to see me. “Hey dude, what’s going on?”

“Same ole, same ole.” I said.

“Well listen Joey has a bunch of puppies he is trying to give away before his dad takes them and throws them in the creek. He wanted to know if you wanted one.”

“What kind are they?” I asked.

“He said they are half Keeshond and half Schipperke, whatever that is.” he said.

I’ll go and take a look at them. Thanks.” I said.

I went over there and looked at the puppies. The father was a big Keeshond and the mother was a small Schipperke that had a face like a fox but it was solid black and didn’t have a tail. It had this big neck ruff that made it even more attractive. The mother was a beautiful dog. When I got there, Joey was putting one in a car. I walked up and said hello. I asked if he had any left and he said he had one left. She was cute as cute could be. She was playing with a chew toy and the mother was watching everything that went on. I walked up to the mother and put the back of my hand out to her. She sniffed it and let me pet her.

“Damn Dennis, you are the first one besides us that has been able to pet her. She usually doesn’t like strangers.” Joey said.

“She’s so pretty. So where is the puppy that you are trying to give away?” I asked.

“She’s right there behind the tire. We actually gave her to another family but they brought her back. They said she was mean and didn’t mind. She seems a little rambunctious, but that is all.” He said.

I reached out and picked her up and she started licking me and playing. She was a doll. I loved her. I put her down and petted her mother again. “I’ll take her. How much do you want for her?” I said while pulling her off my pants leg that she was chewing on.

“Take her she has been looked at by everybody, but no one wants her. So just take her for free.” He said.

I picked her up and told her to say goodbye to her mom and we left. I put her in the front seat with me and took off. I had the window down on my side and she climbed into my lap and put her front paws on the window sill and watched the world go by. I decided to name her Tiny since she was so small. She was a pistol. That night when I laid down to go to sleep she got ahold of the blanket and pulled it off of me. I would put it back and she would pull it off again. I finally grabbed her and put her under the covers with me and she calmed down and went to sleep. I left her in the barn the next day while I went to school. When I came home, I saw Uncle Will working on one of the tractors and his pants leg was torn.

“Got you a new dog I see.” he said.

“Uh, yes sir.” I said.

“I like it.” he said.

“Thanks.”

He went back to work and I went to the barn. I found Tiny laying on my blanket with a piece of khaki cloth beside her and when I came in, she started barking at me. I reached down and picked her up and she started grunting and squirming to get on her back. She wanted me to rub her belly. She wouldn’t look at me or lick me she just laid there so I would rub her tummy. She was training me right. I thought I had better start letting her know who the boss was. So I started teaching her how to heel and how to come when called. She was a hardhead and I had a little trouble getting her to come when called, but she finally got it down. She would run up to me while I was doing my exercises and get in the way. I would have to stop and love on her to get anything done. She followed me everywhere and got into everything. She would growl at Uncle Will and bite his pants leg. He would pick her up and look her in the eye and tell her, “Listen here. I am the head of this pack and you will do as I say. Do you understand?” She would look at him and then when he put her down, she would go right back to doing what she was doing. They played a lot. I know because I would catch Uncle Will with her playing in the tractor yard. He was a softie after all.

Chapter 27

School started to assume an air of normalcy for me as long as I didn’t go too far in expressing my feminine side. But there was always an edge to some of the kids that went to school with me. Even though I was never completely accepted, I was at least tolerated by most of them or so I thought. One day I was going to PE when three guys blocked the door to the Gym and wouldn’t let me in. I turned to leave and two more were closing in on me from the back. I took off and ran for all I was worth. I made it to the main building and down to the principal’s office. The five of them took off then. I knew them, they weren’t the type of guys to get involved in something based on principal. as a matter of a fact if it didn’t involve money or some way to get money they kept to themselves. Mostly they had the morals of a goat on a good day. Two of them were usually fighting with the other three and one wasn’t even in school anymore he had dropped out at the first of the year. So why were they after me. I decided to not bother the principal with this new turn of events so I slipped around and made it back to the gym and got changed in the little room in the back that I had been assigned to. I found that the coach was late that day so I didn’t have to explain what had happened.

That afternoon it was announced that opposite’s day was going to be held in two days. You couldn’t dress provocatively or expose any parts that weren’t supposed to be exposed. This was to ensure that no one came as a hooker or the girls as a Greek athlete like one girl tried two years ago. She didn’t make it into the school at all before she was sent home, fig leaf and all. Sally came up to me and said that I would have an opportunity to come as I really was. I thought about it and said that I had better not. I was warned to keep a low profile.

“Oh come on no one’s going to say anything and you will be able to show people that you really are a female. So come on, what’s it going to hurt.” she said.

I was sorely tempted. “Okay but let’s keep it simple alright. That way I can get away with it.” I said.

“Great I have just the outfit for you. It is a tan corduroy jumper with a white blouse. I think that it is pretty simple and you can wear a pair of those cute ankle socks and your tan saddle oxfords. You will look adorable. Not that you don’t look adorable anyway I mean…” said Sally and she just let it drift off because I was giving her an enough look.

“I get the picture.” I said. “But it will have to be fitted won’t it?”

“Yeah I guess you need to come to the house today to see if it is going to fit. This will work out well. You have to go to Ms. Givens for lessons. After that, you can come by my house and we can see if the dress fits. Mom would love it if you would. She asks about you all the time. So does Liz, but she doesn’t count.” said Sally.

That afternoon Ms. Givens finally couldn’t take it anymore. “Diane what has you so distracted that you can’t do your work?”

“Sorry I didn’t mean to be so out there. It’s just, well, Sally, Annie, Amy and Carey all want me to come to school as a girl on opposite’s day so people can see me as I really am. I would love to, but I’m not sure that it is a good idea. You know what I mean?” I said.

Chrissy was the first to say something, “Diane, I am your friend and I wouldn’t say or do anything to hurt you. But I don’t see anything good coming out of this. I think it would be fun and all if it were just for a day and didn’t mean anything except harmless fun. But in your case, it would give your enemies the ammunition they need to get you thrown out of school. Because they would not accept it as harmless fun, instead they would twist it into something sick and demented. I say no and I say it as your friend.” she said.

“I, unfortunately, have to agree with Chrissy.” said Ms. Givens. “With what all has happened I don’t think it is a good idea. I have been thinking about this all week. Yes, I knew about it on Monday, but I didn’t say anything about it for your own good. There are still those who would love to have a reason to persecute you, let’s don’t give them the reason to hurt you.”

“Thanks now I have to convince the girls that it is a bad idea. I have been leaning towards your way of thinking but convincing them will take an act of God I believe. I would love to let them see me as I really am. However I know they aren’t ready for it and it would cause a ruckus that would eventually get me tossed out.”

“I’m sorry I know you just want to live a normal life as a girl, but I’m afraid it won’t happen. Not in this redneck hell hole. I want to get out of here so bad I can taste it.” said Chrissy.

“Is there something wrong?” I asked and took her hand.

She suddenly started crying. I looked at Ms. Givens and she looked at me, neither one of us had a clue. Ms. Givens got Chrissy up and took her into the living room and sat her down on the couch. I sat down on one side and Ms. Givens sat on the other side. Chrissy suddenly threw her arms around me and just sobbed. I held her and rocked her in my arms. When she finally slowed down, I asked again, what was wrong.

“I…I wanted to run for my class president, but was told that I couldn’t. I pushed the subject and was told that if I pursued it I would be expelled for the rest of the year. So my dad called the Principal and they had a big fight over the phone. It seems as though I’m a girl.” She sobbed.

“Yes you are a girl, a very smart and capable girl.” I said. “What does that have to do with anything?” I saw Ms. Givens take a deep breath and cover her mouth with both hands. She had a look of total shock on her face. Then it hit me, she couldn’t run for a class office because she was a girl. I couldn’t believe it, I thought that kind of thinking had gone out years ago, but now here in the twentieth century it was alive and well in our town. Even though it was a private school that was doing it, the whole thing was immoral and wrong.

“I’m so sorry Chrissy. I didn’t know.” I said.

“I know, I’m not supposed to talk about it or they will suspend me for three days.” she said. “I can’t even talk to the others about it or I will be thrown out of school for creating a hostile environment in school. I have talked to the others though and it was decided that no one would run for class president or for any other position. I guess that they will expel me for that.” She said.

“Then let them, I have a feeling that they will regret it. Stand up and be a leader. Be someone that the rest can look up to. You know what I mean even though you are a little short on the stature side there.” and I patted her on the head.

“You know what missy. I will be a leader. Tomorrow when they call for the nominations, I will be right there and no matter what I am going to stand my ground against that bigot. I also think you need to wear a dress to opposite’s day and stand your ground.” She said. “Oh and I may be shorter than you but I can still kick your butt anytime I want to.”

“Well then go for it, you know I love it when you play rough.” I teased.

“You haven’t said anything Julie.” observed Chrissy.

Ms. Givens sat there for a minute and then she grabbed us both and gave us a big hug. “I am so proud of you both. You are turning into fine upstanding women who are willing to fight for what you believe in.”

“Tell me do you have the rules of your school with you?” I said.

“Yeah we are supposed to have them with us at all times.” she said. “Why do you think there is something in there that I can use?’

“Don’t know but it is worth reading. You might find what you need in there.” I said.

“I think I will make a phone call and see if I can get someone who would love to bring this to light.” So I called the reporter that took my picture on the Mississippi River and told him what was going on at Chrissy’s school and asked if he could come and cover the nominations tomorrow for class offices. He was hesitant at first but then he started to warm up to the idea and said he would be there. I put Chrissy on the phone to give him the details.

Ms. Givens said, “Well young lady are you going to stand up for the rights of people like you or are you going to keep a low profile and just let things go merrily on their own way. You know that you are going to be persecuted even more than before. Are you up to it?”

“Yes mam I’m up to it. I think I am going to let the school board know that I intend to start living full time as a female after the first of the year. I shouldn’t dance around the problem and I shouldn’t live a lie. I should be true to myself.” I said.

“Diane the reporter wants to talk to you again.” Chrissy announced with a grin.

“What did you tell him?” I asked somewhat suspicious of Chrissy’s grin. “Yes sir, is there anything else I can help you with?” I asked the reporter.

“Well, Diane or is it Dennis? Oh well it doesn’t matter. I understand that you are a story in your own right. I was told that you are going to come out to the entire school on opposite’s day as a transgendered person. Is that right?” he asked.

“I guess so.” I said. “I am coming to school as a girl for the first time that day and let the chips fall where they may.”

“I would love to cover the story if I may.” He said.

“I would love for you to, but be kind, I have had enough negativity this fall.” I said.

“Don’t worry I will paint you as what you are a very brave and smart young lady.” He said. Then he set up a time to interview me right after covering Chrissy’s election.

I hung up the phone and turned to Chrissy. “You told him!” I said and ran up to her and threw my arms around her neck and gave her a big kiss on the cheek. “I love you.” I whispered in her ear.

“I love you too.” she replied. “I may have found something in the handbook. It says that any boy or girl may run for a class office. ‘As long as their grades are a B or above.’ I also found in the preamble that the school was to promote leader ship and positive citizenship traits in all of its students and teachers.”

“You have already read all of this!” I said, stunned that she had read it all so fast and retained it all.

“Diane. I want you to meet one of the most gifted speed readers I have ever met. She can read an average book in a matter of minutes and be able to tell you all of the details of the book without error. I don’t play cards with her either because she can keep track of each card played and beat the pants off of me. I really think that she wasn’t applying herself to her school work because she thought she was some kind of freak. She wouldn’t read or study because she was afraid that she would be teased. Then she met you and came to the conclusion that she wasn’t a freak just because she was different. She said you weren’t a freak and neither was she and now she is doing so much better. Now when she reads in school the other kids just are amazed to watch her do it. I know I just love to see her read it is the most awesome thing.” exclaimed Ms. Givens.

“Would you like me to show you?” asked Chrissy.

“Would I? I have heard about people that can do that but I have never seen one. Please show me.” I begged.

She selected a book on Music Theory from Ms. Givens book shelf and sat down at the table and started reading and in one minute, she had read thirty pages. Then she stopped and regurgitated what she had read. She showed me some of the things that she had identified that helped her read so fast and got me to practicing them. My reading speed and comprehension jumped way up. We went back to getting her the right to run for office and had a pretty good plan. It depended on the principal letting her speak her piece. That was going to be the major issue since he seemed to be a dictatorial type of person who ran the school with an iron fist. Well it was about to be broken with a velvet glove.

Chrissy called her mother and asked if she could go with me to Sally’s house for a little while to pick out a dress for school. Her mother said yes, Julie wanted to take us to the burger bar afterwards and treat us. Mrs. Killibrew thought something was up but she agreed as long as she and Junior could come to. Ms. Givens pretended to be thinking about it and suddenly said yes that would be great. Just put on a pair of jeans and tennis shoes. You don’t need to look like a fashion plate around us all the time.

“OOOO Honey. You have a deal I don’t want to put that damn girdle back on.” She said.

The three of us walked over to Sally’s house. “I hope you don’t mind I brought Ms. Givens and Chrissy with me. If I leave them alone at the house they get into trouble.” I said and the next thing I felt was my butt getting spanked. I turned and saw Ms. Givens with her arms crossed and she was patting her foot with a frown. “Well you told everybody that we were going to Tahiti.”

“I’m glad that she got you I am tired of having to stand up all the time. Come on in. Hi Chrissy. Mom, Diane is here and Ms. Givens and Chrissy are with her.” Sally’s mom came out of the back wiping her hands on a dish towel. She stuck her hand out to Ms. Givens.

“It is such a pleasure to finally meet you. Sally and Liz talk about you all the time. I see why too. You are as beautiful as they say you are.” she said.

“Thank you so much. I don’t know about being beautiful, but I do try to teach my kids to take pride in themselves and study hard. Is Liz your daughter? I know her from the band, she is an excellent oboe player. I wouldn’t be surprised if she got a scholarship to college to play the oboe.”

I muttered under my breath that I thought she was adorable. She heard it and winked at me.

Ms. Givens told Sally’s Mom that she was taking Chrissy and I to the burger shack, but Sally had to see me first.

Sally’s Mom said, “Yes I know you are here to see if the dress fits. Sally take Diane into your room and have her put it on and come on out so I can see if I have to do anything to it. Julie isn’t it? Come on back to the kitchen I was just finishing up supper. Liz set three more places.”

“We really can’t intrude like this we are meeting Chrissy’s mom and brother there in a little while.” Ms. Givens said.

“By the way I am Rachel Crouch. Call me Rachel. That is not a request it is an order. I don’t like being called Mrs. Crouch it makes me feel old.” she ordered.

“Thank you Rachel.” said Ms. Givens.

Sally took us into her room and pulled out the dress that she was talking about. She had me to strip right there and put the dress on. I pretty much didn’t have a choice. It fit very well. Everywhere! I was amazed because I thought Sally had bigger breast than I did. But now we were the same and the same in the bottom. The dress was a little short in my opinion but I would let Mrs. Crouch be the judge of that. We went into the kitchen to show Mrs. Crouch and Ms. Givens. Both said it was perfect. I whispered to Ms. Givens that I thought I had grown some in the chest.

“Well if they have a tape measure we can find out.” she said and asked Mrs. Crouch for a tape measure. She gave her one and I started to go back into the bedroom for Ms. Givens to measure me when Mrs. Crouch told me to take the dress off right there so she could see the measurements. I did as I was told, but I wasn’t comfortable about it, but I did it anyway. I was now a 32C and a 33 butt. My waist was the same. I went into the bedroom and got dressed. Sally said she would bring the dress to school the next day. I had to get some new bras since the ones I had were too small. Ms. Givens said she would take care of that for me. We thanked Mrs. Crouch and left for the burger bar.

We met Mrs. Killibrew and Junior and went in and found a seat close to the door. One of Chrissy’s classmates was there and he wanted to know what she was going to do about the class election tomorrow.

“I am going to ask to be nominated to the president’s chair.” she said.

“What if the principal does what he said he was going to do and expel you?” he asked.

“Then I will appeal to the students in the class to support me in my fight for my rights.” She said.

“Then we will all support you,” said one of the girls that was there also. “The days of women’s suffrage are over, we have won the right of the vote and the right to hold office I think it is time for us to have the same rights in school.” And they all cheered.

Chrissy stood on a chair and addressed the kids there. “We as females are being targeted for homemakers and mothers, which is the most admirable of women’s careers, but we have the right to be more and do more if we so desire. We are members of this society and we are going to be making decisions that will affect many others in the future. I say we be given the opportunity to learn to make the right decisions now. I don’t like being demeaned or belittled and told that I need to concentrate on my needle point and not on my views. I want all of us male and female alike to be able to be all that we can be and the only way to do that is if tomorrow we stand together against a tyrannical leadership that has not moved ahead with the times. Tomorrow let’s be one.” And she raised a clenched fist into the air. The rest of the kids there raised their fist in solidarity with her. I had the distinct impression that I was looking at the first woman President of the United States.

The mood there was one of exhilaration and excitement. Mrs. Killibrew took a picture of Chrissy standing on the chair with her fist raised. It was a momentous moment in Chrissy’s life. She started leading instead of following, she grew that day to a higher level than she had ever been. She was now a leader and she would never step to the back and follow again. Win or lose the battle she would come back and lead another fight and get better and better at it. She already knew that to pick the right battle was tantamount to winning from the start. To waste important people and resources on unimportant skirmishes was not the way to win a war. On this issue, she needed to call on her support and resources at the right time. Right now, she was getting her soldiers, so to speak, fired up for the upcoming battle. The pay phone stayed hot outside as they called more and more students and parents to come hear her speak. We had been there about an hour when she started to wind down. The owner of the place didn’t care as long as the customers kept ordering. Chrissy had stepped down a long time ago and was mingling with the crowd.

I told Ms. Givens that I needed to go home. Junior stood by me the whole time and at one point he took my hand and at another he put his arm around me. No one said a word about it. As I got my coat, Junior held it up and helped me put it on. I dropped a hint that he needed to help Ms. Givens also and he did. I eased over to Mrs. Killibrew who was hanging on every word that Chrissy was saying and told her I needed to leave and asked her to tell Chrissy that I was proud of her.

“I will. Diane I want to thank you. You have awakened a spirit in my daughter that I don’t think I want to ever leave her. And it is all your doing. By being different and not backing up you have shown her that she can be herself and do what she believes is the right way. Thank you.” I got the biggest hug and a kiss on the cheek.

I left and Junior came outside with me. No one was around, “Diane, you are pretty special. I really like you a lot. I would like to date you some if you don’t mind?”

I hung my head trying to find a way not hurt him with what I had to tell him. But how? “Junior…”

“Listen I know what you are. I don’t care. I also want you to know that I am not gay and I don’t consider you a boy, just a girl that is starting to turn to a girl late. So don’t even go there. I don’t really care what people think of me or what I do. I’m big enough to change the minds of those who want to hurt you. So I’m asking may I date you some.”

I looked at him and said, “Yes.” Ms. Givens came out and was standing behind Junior. I was smiling from ear to ear.

“I’ll call you to set up a time. Can I kiss you?”

I shook my head no, but I was still smiling.

“Ms. Givens is standing right behind me isn’t she?”

I shook my head yes. I was still smiling.

He hung his head and then he turned and said. “Uh, good night Ms. Givens.” He practically ran back inside.

I looked at Ms. Givens and she looked at me and we both started laughing. She took my arm and walked me back to her house. “Well Sis this has been an eventful evening.” she said.

“Yesss, mam, I do believe you are right. I hope things go well for Chrissy tomorrow.” I said.

“So what has come over Junior?” Ms. Givens asked.

“Me.” I said.

“Yes you.” She said.

“No I meant, ME!” I said. “I think junior is a little sweet on me.”

“Careful young lady you aren’t old enough to be dating and I don’t know how to plant roses.” said Ms. Givens.

“Speaking of roses, how is Ted?” I asked.

Julie got real starry eyed and had a smile on her face. “He’s fine.” she said.

“So when is he coming down to see you again?” I asked being nosy.

“He should be here on Saturday morning. He wants to see you and then we are going to an afternoon matinee and to dinner that night?” she said.

“And to church on Sunday morning with you.”

“Yes, I hope….” she said. “That’s not funny he is staying….”

“With you?” I said.

“Maybe, but I don’t think that is any of your business, anyway.” she said and turned her nose up.

“You know you really should be careful with your nose in the air like that.” I said.

“Why is that?” she said and then ran into a garbage can.

“So you won’t run into garbage cans.” I said and giggled. She laughed also and chased me all the rest of the way to her house. We sat on the porch steps and looked at the stars for a while. She pointed the different constellations out to me. She explained the names of each one she could see.

“Diane, do you find Junior attractive?” she asked.

“I think he is nice but I am still thinking of Harold.” I said.

“Harold? Who is Harold? Havc you been holding out on me?” Julie demanded.

“I thought your mother had told you already.” I said.

“No you had better tell me a little about him.” she said.

I told her everything that had happened that day from flying the kite and getting our picture taken on the river. I told her about his brownish curly hair and the wonderful eyes. About how I just wanted to get lost in them. Then I told her about being kissed by him.

She smiled at me and made a clucking noise. “I don’t think Junior has a chance at all. It seems as though you have fallen for the mysterious foreigner and won’t be settling for just any ole country boy.”

“I’ve spent a lot of time wondering if I would be gay liking a boy like that. I really want to be a woman all the way not just on the inside. Then when I think about Sally I get all warm and fuzzy inside and I begin to miss her. I think that I have just been caught up in the moment with Harold and Junior and I really have fallen for Sally. I don’t want to lose her.” I said.

“I know that is a complicated issue that while it seems as though it is simple it’s not. I think the hormones are starting to have a profound effect on the way you act and think. I believe that you are becoming a female inside and out. I like it. You seem calmer and more focused. Oh there’s the phone.” she ran inside and answered it. “Diane, it’s Mr. Washington he needs to talk to you.”

“Hello.” I said.

“Diane, I don’t know how you do it but the current picks have increased. You now are worth.. wait I have it right here. Ah here it is, one hundred and two thousand dollars. So have you got your crystal ball on right now? Is there anything you want me to do tomorrow after that dramatic move?

“No sir, just leave things as they are. I think that they are going to take a break and stay static for the rest of the week and on next Monday or Tuesday they will start another upward climb. Then I will make a decision about doing something with them.” I said.

“Whatever you want.” he said.

He hung up and I turned to Ms. Givens and asked, “Is a hundred thousand dollars a lot of money?”

“Yes, honey, it is quite a bit. Why?”

“That is what I am worth right now.” I said. “Well, I have to go home now I will see you in the morning.”

“Be careful and go straight home no cruising the strip.” teased Ms. Givens. Then she looked at me and thought, “Not even having money changes her.”

I went straight home and fed Tiny and did my exercises. I was excited to be able to be myself. Even if only for a day. The dress was nice and I guess that I needed to find out that I had grown. I hadn’t realized how much though. My pants were a little snug in the behind and my blouses were pulling across the chest. I was growing up.

The next day at school, I was approached by six of the high school guys who wanted to know if I was going to dress up for Opposites day. I told them I was. The whole time I was looking for a way to escape. One of them told me to be careful because some guys were planning on roughing me up today so I wouldn’t be able to come to school tomorrow. He said that I had come to their attention and they thought I had guts, a lot of guts, to do what I was doing. Another spoke up and said they were going to support me tomorrow. I thanked them and they left. I was standing there digesting all that they had just said when someone yelled “Look Out!”

I spun around and one of the guys from the gym tried to stab me with a knife. Because I carried my books in my arms in front of me, he managed to stick the knife in my books. I dropped them and kicked the guy’s knee and hit him twice in the face. He went down and I kicked him in the ribs as hard as I could. Then the high school guys came running back and grabbed the punk up and drug him off. I don’t know what they did with him but he hasn’t been back since. The rest of the day went well. Sally came up and said there was going to be a change in plans. Tomorrow afternoon there was going to be a “fashion” show in the auditorium and they wanted me to change clothes and wear the gown that Amy had worn to the banquet. Other than that, things were going well.

I went to Amy’s house to pick up the dress and then by Ms. Givens where there was a strange car parked outside with Tennessee license plates on it. I walked up to the door and knocked on it. Ms. Givens opened it and smiled, “You have a visitor here. I think you need to talk to him.” and she invited me in.

“Hello Diane.” said the reporter. “Have you heard the news. Chrissy was voted president of her class today.”

I started jumping up and down screaming “Yes, yes, yes!!!” Ms. Givens caught me and had me to sit down so I could hear all of the story.

The reporter said that he showed up at eight o’clock to interview the principal, but he was in the gym with the rest of the school doing nominations and voting for the different class offices. I went down there and started taking notes. The principal gave the different rules for the nominations and in the end, he added that no girls could be nominated only males. That was when Chrissy stood up and questioned by whose authority he made that rule. Then she started in on a speech that stirred the entire student body into a standing ovation. The principal tried to physically remove her but the kids pulled together around her and wouldn’t let him close. Then a woman named Carmichal stood and called for silence. They all looked at her and she said she was on the board of directors for the school and she gave him the authority to do so. Chrissy told her that by the rules of the board, it took a two thirds vote to change the rules of the school and that no one board member could make unilateral decisions affecting the operation of the school. The Carmichael woman then ordered the principal to use whatever measures he deemed necessary to remove her from the crowd. The kids all stood and moved to protect her. Then he said she was expelled from the school and one of the guys stood and said, “Then you will have to expel me also.” Then the rest all said the same thing. There was a general mutiny from the students.

The crowning moment came when the Carmichal woman told them they were throwing their lives away for “that little tramp that runs around with a pervert.”

Chrissy told her that you weren’t a pervert and that you were just another kid trying to live and get an education, however, Mrs. Carmichal was a sick and twisted woman who wanted power and the ability to dominate them all. “Not this time nor any other time will you rule over us with your hate mongering ways. Not ever will you fill us with the bile of hatred and cruelty. We know better and if we all live as we should, your dreams of ruling over all of us we will be as empty as this school building.” The applause was deafening Then they all started chanting “Chrissy, Chrissy, Chrissy!!” I was truly inspired by the way, the kids acted.

The Carmichal woman started yelling at the kids and making demands. They all got quiet and turned their backs on her not a one would face either the Principal or the woman. Finally, the parents who had come to see what the hubbub was about stepped up and told the principal that the best thing he could do was to let the girls be nominated. The Carmichal woman tried to force the parents to take their kids and leave so she could straighten out the “mess”, all of them turned their backs on her and said that the principal would not have a job if she wasn’t escorted off the property.

“I’m telling you it was inspiring. They all stood their ground together and did what was right.” he said. “Now I would like it if you told me about you. Come on let’s sit at the table, that is if you don’t mind Ms. Givens.” he said.

“I don’t mind at all. That way I can make sure that you follow the rules.” she said.

“Rules what rules?” he asked.

“You may not ask anything of a kiss and tell nature, you may not ask anything of a sexual nature and you may not ask anything of an embarrassing nature. I will stop the interview if you do. Is that clear?” Ms. Givens demanded.

“I understand. I am not here to destroy you and if I seem to be crossing, the line just let me know. I will back off. Diane I am here to write a positive story that everyone will enjoy reading. I don’t like the expose type stuff since it can backfire on you.” he said.

He asked me a lot of questions about how I felt and how I began to change physically. He wanted to know about the shooting and my relationship with my parents. I told him everything except about Harold and Junior. They didn’t need to be hurt. He asked what I wanted to do with my life and did I know how I was going to achieve it. I was worn out after the interview. He wanted to know if I had an outfit picked out for tomorrow. I told him I did and that he needed to come to school to see it. He said he would.

Ms. Givens told me that we had to go down town to get some clothes that fit me. So we drove down to one of the clothing stores where she got me a couple of bra’s that fit and some panties that fit. The clerk looked at me and at Ms. Givens and said. “I wish I had a teacher like you when I was in school. I probably would have turned out a lot different. I wanted to go to school and be a chemist, but that just wasn’t in the cards. Dennis, I hope you appreciate what she is doing for you. I have heard some of what you have gone through and I see a very positive change that is nothing short of a miracle, but I don’t think you have a clue of what she has had to put up with.” We paid her and I thanked her very much and we left.

“What did she mean by that?” I asked.

“Nothing you need to be concerned with.” she said.

“I think I do.” I said.

“Okay then I’ll tell you some of it. From the first day I saw you I knew that you were hurting so I asked about you. I was told to stay away from you that you were gay or that’s what some of the other teachers said about you.” Ms. Givens stopped and took a deep breath like it was a rather painful experience to tell what happened. “Then when Mr. Alverez assigned each teacher with a troubled student to tutor I got you. I really didn’t know if I wanted to since you had such a stigma attached to you. I asked if there was another teacher that could take you. I also was still hurting from losing Ted to a gay lifestyle. That’s really why I’m here, I was running from Ted thinking that I wasn’t woman enough for him.”

“Any way I was told that the others wouldn’t have anything to do with you either. So it was me. I stalled by having the psychological test done. That was when I got the first glimpse of what was going on. I was intrigued by you. By the way, the personality test showed that you were possibly being abused at home and that you might have gender identity disorder. Then that day at my house when I dressed you in my slip and panties I got my first real look at the real Dennis/Diane. From then on, I thought there was no turning back. You were so happy that day and it was like a door had been opened. A door that let you learn. You have no idea the difference. God, it was like I had discovered that you had a separate personality. I really was worried that you did have a split personality. Ted says that you have developed a complex self-defense personality to keep others and yourself from discovering that you are primarily female and the female was getting stronger and more pronounced. He thinks that if I hadn’t discovered your personality you would have really needed help in the future.”

“As it turns out when you are trying to keep a secret, word slips out about you and I started getting notes from the School Board that I needed to steer you back to being a male. Then one day I got a note saying that I needed to turn you to being a male or else. I was to do whatever I needed to do, even have sex with you if necessary. I still have them in my desk drawer in the house. Finally, I got a visit from one of the school board members who told me my job was in jeopardy and that I needed to distance myself from you. I couldn’t job or no job. I have fallen in love with you as a friend and as a sister. So last week I was told that my contract would be terminated after the Christmas holiday. I found out that Mrs. Carmichal would be taking my place until they can find a suitable replacement. Sorry, but that is what she meant.” She said sadly.

“Do your parents know?” I asked.

“No I wasn’t going to tell them until after the holidays. I didn’t want to ruin their Christmas.”

“What are you going to do?” I asked.

“I guess, I will go back to selling clothes. I was really good at it. I don’t think I will be allowed to teach again, at least not around here. Well you had better get going. It is going to be dark soon and I don’t want you on the road at night.” she said.

I got home and did my usual routine and laid down on the hay. Tiny got in on top of me and pestered me until I pet her. She was quickly taking Smokey’s place here, but she would never be able to fill the hole in my heart that I carried for him. It wasn’t dark yet, but close to it. The twilight time had a chill in the air that was biting. I looked at the house and wished I was in there helping wash the dishes and getting ready for bed. This was nice, but it would never be a real home like that. I knew it and I knew that all I was doing was making a place to survive.

Surviving was all I had been doing since Granddaddy died, now I wanted to live a little and not have to look over my shoulder all the time. I wanted to be accepted as I was, not only by the public around me, but by my own flesh and blood. I started to cry because I was lonely and wanted to be with my family. I guess that I was so distracted that I didn’t see the door to the lower level open. Tiny started barking at it. I jumped up looking around for a stick anything to defend myself with. I thought one of those thugs had found me and was here to finish the job. Then Mom called out to me and came out of the doorway. I was standing there with a hoe in my hands.

“What do you want?” I asked rather curtly.

“I want to talk to you.” she said.

“So talk.”

“Can you put down the hoe?”

“You came to talk so talk. The last time I tried to talk to you. You hit me with a pan and it got infected. I still have the scar see. I don’t want to be sucker punched again.”

“Dennis, I’m sorry. I was… I didn’t…. I have no excuse for the way I have treated you. I want you to come home I will find a second job if I have to pay for you, but come home. Forgive me and come home.” Mom cried.

Then it dawned on me she didn’t know about the money I had in the account. She wasn’t trying to rip me off, she really meant it. “Why did you abandon me and how do I know you won’t do it again?” I asked.

“I remembered Earl killing the man that tried to molest your Aunt. I have never gotten over seeing that and when I saw the bodies the only thing I could see was you turning into another Earl drinking and wandering from job to job. He has a place to live because of the one good thing he did in his life. I didn’t think I could deal with you being that way. Now you are changing into a girl and I have lost my son forever.” she sobbed.

“I am still here, I still need a mother as much as Diane as I did as Dennis. I needed you so bad that day and you wouldn’t even talk to me. I can’t even begin to tell you how much that hurt. How I cried at night for a hug from you. I needed you and you stuck a knife in my heart and twisted it.” I was sobbing so hard that I could barely talk. “Dennis is still here only the outside has changed. Now I am realizing that I have always wanted to be a girl and the accident accelerated the process to the point that I was having trouble hiding it. I haven’t gone away I just look different, if you look and listen you will see that I am still here.”

“I see it now. I see the strength and determination, I hear the intelligence and compassion in your speech. You are still mine aren’t you? Only now, you are growing into a beautiful young woman. I am so proud of you.” and she reached out and took the hoe from my hands and pulled me to her. We cried and cried. “So are you coming home?”

“Yes Mom, I am coming home.”

We gathered up my things and took them to the house. I took a bath at home for the first time in weeks. Tiny followed me and stayed right with me until Mom sat down on the couch to roll her hair. I had already rolled mine and had my pajama’s on with a robe on. Tiny walked over to Mom and jumped up on the couch and laid down next to her. Mom started petting her like she was supposed to. I looked at her.

“Who do you think takes care of her while you are gone? Isn’t that right Tiny.” And Tiny looked up at her and grunted. Then she looked at me and I swear she smiled.

Ralph came in and said, “This ain’t a good thing, two girls in hair rollers and a dog getting its stomach rubbed. What am I going to do now?” Tiny jumped off the couch and chased him all the way back to his room.

I got my clothes ready for the next day. The dress I was going to wear most of the day, I hung on the clothes rack by the wall. I hung the gown up next to it and put the shoes under it. I got my purse and put it next to the rack and put the makeup I would need for that afternoon in a small bag I would leave it in the truck until time for it. I filed and polished my nails and my toe nails then I went to bed and dreamed about being chased to a gallows and hung by twine while a mouse chewed the twine. When I fell to the ground, I found that I had magically changed to a girl on the way down to the ground. Defiance lifted me up and showed everybody how wrong they were about me, but they were flogging everybody that had believed in me. They stripped Julie, Sally, Annie, Amy and Carey and screamed at them that they were the cause of me changing to a girl. Then they beat them. I screamed for Defiance to help them but he couldn’t hear me. Then I woke up at midnight. Wringing wet with sweat unable to go back to sleep I got up and went into the living room where the phone was and made a phone call.

That morning I got up early like always. Tiny was sleeping with Mom. That little traitor, you would think that she would stay with me, but she would rather sleep with Mom. That’s all right Mom can give her a bath when she needs it. I bushed my teeth and fixed some coffee. I sat down at the table with the paper and was reading the business section. My two stocks were on the move again. Damn they were on the move. One had jumped fifty cents in one day and the other thirty five cents in a day. There wasn’t anything else in there worth reading right then so I reached for the regional section and there on the front page of it was Chrissy. The article told the whole tale of how she got the right to run for class office. In the interview, she said that she was thankful for Diane Allen who showed her that being different and a female was a good thing. I cut it out and put it on my dresser.

I got dressed and brushed out my hair and styled it. I put on a little makeup and some lite pink lipstick. I carried the gown out and put it in the truck, yes I hung it behind the seat from a gun rack. I’ll bet I was the first to do that and to have a pink gun rack. The baseball bat was just below it in the rack too. When I came back into the house Ralph was eating a bowl of cereal with Tiny sitting at his feet waiting to get some too. I got a bowl and put some in it with a little milk. When I put it on the floor Tiny tore into it like she hadn’t eaten in a year. Mom came in and petted Tiny then she hugged me and Ralph, who growled because, he, was being interrupted during his meal.

“I see who the grumpiest one is in the morning. Diane you look lovely today. Tell me though don’t you think that dress is a little short?” she asked.

“I do, but this is what Sally and Annie picked out for me and it is Sally’s dress.” I said.

“Well okay, but I really think it is a little short.” She said again emphasizing the word short.

I asked Ralph if he wanted to ride with me to school. He said yeah and we went out to the truck. I dug the keys out of my purse and started to get in under the steering wheel, but instead I gave Ralph the keys and asked him to drive. I sat on the passenger side and enjoyed the cool fall morning. We listened to the radio playing rock and roll. Ralph was in heaven being able to drive. I was in heaven being able to be me.

The school was buzzing with activity outside. Several of the older guys were wearing dresses and the girls were wearing men’s clothes and fake mustaches. Some of the guys really put some effort into it and some were a joke. Sally came up behind me and whistled. I blushed and shook my head. I guess that caused the rest to take note of me. The response I got was not what I expected at all. Several of the guys whistled and some just stared at me. One even went so far as to yell, “Can you say hot as a firecracker!” The overall response was positive, there were one or two bigots there, but by and large, everyone liked it. I was pulled into doing gag pictures for the annual, hamming it up with the rest of the “girls and boys”. We had a big time doing it Sally had to hold a big senior up that was pretending to fall for her. The whole day was great. Some of the kids were talking about how Mrs. Carmichal had been run off from the private school yesterday and Chrissy got elected class president.

I was excused from PE as were all of the participants of Opposites day. I saw the reporter hanging around taking pictures of the school day but he didn’t seem interested in talking to anybody right then. That afternoon the sixth period teachers announced who was going to be in the fashion show. I kind of hoped that I wasn’t in it because the girls got me off to the side at lunch and taught me the beauty pageant walk and wave and drilled me on what to say when I got asked a question, it was hard to learn. I was to talk about saving the Whales or Dolphins or something equally benign. I was so happy to hear the bell ring. Ms. Givens announced that I was to represent our class. Another shock when the whole class cheered. Then she shooed me out early to get ready. She sent Sally and Annie with me to help. I was sent to the back of the stage to get ready. I took off the jumper and put on a pair of panty hose. Then I slipped the dress over my head and Annie zipped it up. I was going to leave my hair down but Sally pulled out a pair of jade chopsticks and put my hair up in to a bun and pinned it in place with the chopsticks.

“Ms. Givens said these might bring you luck.” said Sally. “This is from me to bring you luck and she kissed me.” I don’t know why, but I still get weak in the knees and feel warm all over. “Damn girl you look better than Diana Ross in that dress. Let’s see if you can get some R, E, S, P, E, C, T girl. Now work it harder than you ever have, everything is on the line right now don’t blow it.” And they left me to my thoughts.

“No pressure that’s what I need right now.” I thought. I knew that all of my hard work was for nothing if I didn’t do well today. I thought it strange that I had to play a part to get things rolling so I could start living the part. I needed to convince the whole school that I was a female not a boy playing a female. This was going to be hard. Could I do it? Yes, I could.

I heard them calling us out one by one asking the inane questions that they ask at a beauty pageant and the talent part, which was about one to two minutes apiece. The older guys went first. I was to be the last one. Finally, Mr. Alverez who should have been in show business started the buildup for me.

“And now ladies and gentlemen and I use the names loosely, the one that you have been waiting patiently for. The queen of soul the hottest thing on this stage today except for Conrad there.” And the audience erupted in laughter. Conrad was the ugliest person you have ever seen in a dress. “Let’s hear it for Diane Allen. Let’s give her some respect.” The band erupted into Respect. I sang the song and danced like they showed me. Those girls really set me up right I have to say, when it was through Mr. Alverez motioned me over to answer the question.

“Let’s give her a big hand again.” He said and started clapping again. The whole audience stood up and applauded and applauded. I saw the reporter taking pictures; he had been talking to the other students who told him they didn’t care what I looked like. Mr. Alverez didn’t’ try to cut them off, he let them calm down on their own. When they stopped, he turned to me, pulled me in close to the mike, and asked. Diane, what would you say was the one thing that got you here today?”

“You mean other than falling out of that tree?” I joked.

“Well yes, let’s not discuss the tree thing.” He joked back and he handed me the mike.

I paused to screw up enough courage to go on. The audience who had not sat down was starting to murmur. “What got me here today is the courage and determination of one person. She believed in me and I owe everything to her. She showed me that I could be me and succeed in life. She put her life and career on the line for me. She knew that I was a girl waiting to bloom to the world. Now I have to say good-bye to her since she is being let go after Christmas. I can’t help, but think it is my fault that she is being terminated so I am dedicating this day and song to her. Would you come up here Ms. Givens? She was dressed to the nines that day and I was so proud to see her walking down the aisle. The band struck up “This is Dedicated to the One I Love” and Sally, Annie, Amy and Carey came up and helped sing it to her. The audience loved it, as hokey as it sounds one of the school board members came up to the stage, and took the mike. I looked at the other girls and shrugged my shoulders.

“That was a wonderful rendition of that song. Don’t you think?” The crowd applauded again. I have a correction to Ms. Allen’s announcement. By the way you look wonderful both of you.” He nodded to all of us on the stage. Applause erupted again. “The School board met today at lunch and reconsidered Ms. Givens work record and after careful consideration we really want her to stay. Would you, please?” Ms. Givens looked at him. Then he said. “Pretty Please with sugar on top.”

She said, “I would love to. Thank you very much.”

I had never heard the kids get so wild, they clapped, stomped their feet and cheered. Mr. Alverez quieted them down and said, “It is time for the voting for the best beauty. Beside Conrad, Conrad I just want to know does your mother know you have her dress?”

“Who said it’s hers?” he joked and that brought the house down again.

“Boy. We are going to have a serious talk later.” Said Mr. Alverez.

“Yes Uncle Jed.” Conrad said to a huge applause.

“Now I want you to clap for the one that you think is best.” said Mr. Alverez. He went from one to another holding a paper over each one. They all got a smattering of applause. When he held it over me, the house erupted again. This time he couldn’t calm them so he just put the roses in my arms and had me to walk to the front of the stage. The band started playing Respect again. Talk about a rush that was great.

Now I can tell you that I called Julie’s parents and they went to her house and found the three notes that were given to her. Mr. Givens had brought his attorney with him and he called each one of the school board members that weren’t in jail and asked to meet with them on a very important matter. He told them that he was going to talk to the district attorney about possible charges against the board for ordering a teacher to seduce a minor and then firing that teacher when she refused. They voted right then to rehire Julie and to let me stay in school as Diane.

Sally became kind of distant to me and wouldn’t talk to me much after the Opposites Day. When I would try to get close to her, she would say she had something or another to do and leave. On one occasion, I found her crying by herself and when she saw me, she ran off. I couldn’t stand it anymore and asked Annie what was going on.

Annie stood silently for a few minutes and finally she crossed her arms and said. “You really don’t know what is going on do you?”

“I wouldn’t be asking if I did, now would I?” I said getting a little exasperated by then.

“Diane you have come a long way in the last few months from the day she first sat in your lap and kissed you. She knows that Junior wants to date you bad and now she doesn’t want to stand in your way of being happy. She thinks that you need to date him and see where it goes.”

“What! I don’t want to date Junior I want to date Sally.” The tears started flowing then. “So that‘s why she won’t talk to me. She is trying to put some distance between us so I will date Junior. That is the most asinine thing I have ever heard.”

We stood there without speaking while I tried to regain my composure. “Diane, you are going to have to tell her that, I can’t tell her for you.” Annie said.

“What do you think I have been trying to do? Every time I get within five feet of her, she takes off like a scared rabbit. I might as well be trying to catch the wind. Annie you have to help me. Please.” I begged.

“Let me see what I can do.” She said and turned and walked off.

The next day I found a note in my locker. “Today at four o’clock, at my house. ‘A’.”

I left school at three and told Ralph that I would catch a ride home with Mom and walked down to the store to kill some time and drop off my books. It was three days before Christmas and I wanted to do some shopping while I waited so I went into the store and Mom was there with a customer. The lady was buying some jeans and shirts for her son and a dress and shoes for her daughter. When she went to pay, I could tell that she had saved for a while to get these for Christmas presents. She started counting out the money in change and dollar bills. She was short about a dollar. Mom took the money and put it in the cash register and asked if she wanted them wrapped for Christmas.

“I can’t afford the wrapping fee.” The lady said obviously embarrassed.

“Today it is free.” Mom said. “I need to put someone to work anyway.” She picked up the clothes and handed them to me and winked.

I noticed that the bill was sitting on top of the stack of clothes. I took them and carried them back to the wrapping table while Mom talked to the lady. I couldn’t help but notice that the dress and the shoes were some of the cheapest in the store, so were the shirts. I walked over and picked out a really nice dress from the rack and a couple of nice shirts. I picked up a box of really pretty shoes and carried them back to the table. In the box of shoes, I put money in the amount on the sales slip in it. I wrapped them all up, including what she had picked out. I wrote a note on the back of the sales ticket. “Accept this gift in the spirit it was given.” On the ones I picked out, I put a tag on them that said Merry Christmas, from Santa. I put them all in a sack and carried them back out to the lady and handed it to her.

“Goodness what did you wrap them with they seem to have gotten a lot heavier.” The lady said.

“Good wrapping paper is a lot heavier.” I said. “Merry Christmas.” Mom was smiling at me the whole time.

After the lady walked out Mom turned to me. “What did you do?”

“Nothing, nothing at all. Here is the money for the things I bought. I have to go now I need to meet one of the girls.” And I took off before she could say anything else.

I ran to Annie’s house and was there about five minutes early. I saw Sally knocking on the door and I stopped and waited until she went in. I didn’t know if I should go on and knock on the door or not. I was so afraid of what Sally would do. I loved her so much. I knew that Harold was special, but I couldn’t for the life of me see me with a boy. At least not at this point in my life. I still had guy feelings and while I stayed confused a lot, I didn’t want to date a guy or do anything else with one. I had come to the realization that I had been caught up in the moment with Harold and wrote and told him so. He wrote back and said he still wanted me to come to England and let him show me around.

I made the decision to go and try to tell Sally how I felt about her and try to work it out. So I walked slowly up the door and knocked. Annie’s mother answered the door and let me in, but she held her fingers up to her lips and led me to Annie’s room. She opened the door slightly and called for Annie. When Annie came out, she grabbed me and pushed me into the room and pulled the door closed behind me.

Sally looked up and saw me standing there. She grabbed her purse and coat and ran around me to the door. It wouldn’t budge. She turned the knob and pushed on it, but it wouldn’t budge. “Sally, I really need to talk to you.”

“No you need to talk to Junior, not me.” She said.

“No, I need to talk to you, not him. Please.”

Sally hung her head and stood there. “You are a girl now and you need to talk to boys not me.” She said and suddenly turned to me and ran up and started hitting me until she started crying and fell into my arms.

“Sally you can’t avoid me and I won’t let you anyway. I love you and that is all there is to it. I don’t know how this is going to turn out, but for right now, I want you to know that you are the most special girl I know and the only one I want to know. Junior is nice and all, but you are the one that I care about.” I said.

“Girls aren’t supposed to love girls though.” She sobbed.

“Then I won’t be a girl starting today.” I said and started crying.

“You would do that for me?”

“I would and more.” I said. She looked up and I gazed into her absolutely beautiful eyes and thought I would do anything to be able to look into those eyes every day.

“I won’t let you. I won’t let you give up being the wonderful sweet person you have become. I don’t care if you are a girl or not I have fallen in love with you and that is the only thing that I care about. I have been so cruel to you and you still want to love me. I won’t be able to find anyone else like you no matter what. So no, I won’t let you go back to being what you were. We will move forward and love each other.” She said through the sniffles and the tears.

I leaned into her and kissed her tenderly and passionately. She responded in kind and we stood there like that, for I don’t know how long. Her lips were like a drug to me and I couldn’t get enough. I didn’t want to stop.

We heard someone clearing their throat and we stopped and saw Annie and her mother both smiling at us. We both turned beet red. Annie ran in and hugged both of us. “It’s about time. I was beginning to think that I would never get the two of you together.”

On Christmas Eve, I gave Sally her present. She shook it and wanted to know what it was, but I wouldn’t tell her no matter what. “You have just got to open it in the morning and find out,” was all that I would say. We decided to tell her parents about us and let the chips fall where they may.

“Sally do you really love, Diane?” Her father asked.

“Yes, I really do and I know she is a girl and all, but I really do love her.” Sally said.

“Then I don’t see anything wrong with it.” Her father said with a smile.

Her mother was sitting there with a perplexed look on her face, staring at us. “Why, did it take you so long to figure out that you really needed to be together?” She asked.

“I was being stubborn Mom. I wanted her to date boys. I didn’t realize that she wasn’t going to be happy with them though. We finally talked and came to the conclusion that we need to be together to at least find out if we really loved each other.” Sally replied.

“Mam, I have loved Sally with all my heart since the first time she kissed me and I don’t see me with anybody else. Please understand.” I pleaded.

“I understand, I feel the same way about Sally’s father. I still get a warm tingly feeling when he holds me and kisses me. He makes my life a lot easier for me and fixes some of the messes I make, like at the grocery store when I arrange a whole row of canned goods so they are all even. I really do understand girls. I want you to know that I will support you no matter what. I saw that the two of you loved each other the first time I met you. I knew then that you didn’t know yet, but I knew. The looks you gave each other told me.” She stood and walked up to us and hugged us both. Sally suddenly started crying and held onto her mother tighter than she ever had. Her mother didn’t try to pull away like she usually did, but hugged us both tighter.

Sally’s sister suddenly spoke up. “Hey, what about me? I am opposed to this.” She said with a pout.

“And why is that?” Sally’s father asked.

“Because I wanted to date her instead of Sally.” She exclaimed.

We all laughed and her Dad took her by the hand and led her to the kitchen where they had a long talk.

I went with her to her church for the Christmas Eve service and lo and behold, I didn’t get one negative comment. We sat together with Julie and Ted and held hands throughout the entire service. The preacher was an older gentleman who talked about love and the connection to forgiveness. He was obviously a very experienced pastor who cared a lot for his congregation. On the way out, he took my hand to shake it and leaned down and whispered to me. “Please come back and bring that teacher and her boyfriend with you two. I want to do the marriage ceremony for them.” As he looked from me to Sally. We couldn’t help it and started giggling. Julie gave us a what now look and when she and Ted walked up the Pastor, she asked what he had said.

“I said, they could come back anytime as long as they brought you two along.” He said. “Well that’s not exactly true. I really said that they are welcome here anytime and so are you.”

That evening at Sally’s house Julie confessed that she really liked the church she was going to, but they had never once asked her to come back. “You know, I think I will be changing churches.” She said.

Sally opened her present that night along with the rest of us and found a wind chime of silver. The head of it was two cherubs kissing. It made a beautiful sound when the wind blew. A delicate tinkling, a sound I imagined occurring when two hearts came together to be one. Maybe not rhythmic, but making music together always as the winds of time blew by them. Sometimes they would miss and no sound would be made, but eventually they would connect and the vibrations of their touch would bring happiness not only to themselves, but to all who were around them.

I reflected on the attitude of the congregation. Live and let live. I often wondered if that was the basic theme of the teachings of Jesus. To live with the proper guidance and let live. He didn’t accuse the sinners of sinning he only let them know that there was salvation if they would turn from their sins. None of the people at that little church accused any of us of any wrongs. The Pastor only wanted us to come back to learn of the correct ways to live and treat others. I believe that we must find the straight and narrow path and the narrow gate on our own. I also believe that that path may not be the same path that others have to tread, but it must be straight and it is narrow.

Christmas is a time for rejoicing, for our savior was born. I knew that the day was arbitrarily picked and it was picked to appease some of the local pagan religions, but to me it is only for the celebration of the birth of Jesus. Whether or not we give or receive gifts on that day, we should be thankful for the opportunity to draw a breath and use it to praise him. I was thankful to him that he had led me to the place in life that I was at right now. I had friends and family now. I had the ability to see a future and I was going to go to it. So live and let live, don’t stand in another’s way as they follow a straight and narrow path if it isn’t the same path you are following. Let them live and you live also.

Disclaimer

Okay before all of my family starts to have a conniption fit. I want everyone to know that any resemblance to anyone living or dead in this book is coincidence. I had the best Mother who loved me very much and treated my brother and myself well. She was nothing like the fictional Mother in the story. My family was the best by far. While a lot in this seems to be based on fact, it is not. I wrote about fictional characters and used names that are similar because it is easier for me to keep up with them while writing. The only ones in this story that are based on living characters were Smokey and Tiny the two dogs, who would push me out of bed. Enjoy the story as a work of fiction because that is all it is.

.