I Love my dresses

I was discovering that I loved to wear a dress - oooooooh, lovely.

I have lived for years with a more than casual interest in the female form and the wonderful variety of costume and adornments that were available in the latter part of the 20th century. But I had never actually studied the options. I had a vague feeling about ‘I knew what I liked’ but actual knowledge – no.

Note : This is not a SisterDom story – there is also a considerable element of autobiography. Alys P]

I was hooked. Every day now I spent some time looking at those beautiful dresses. It was just toooooo tempting. Almost every screen that I opened was a delight in some way. BUT – there were just so many choices – I began to make a list and soon I was dazzled by the variety. Picture after picture was saved into a new sub-directory. At the beginning I found nmy delights in the Light-in-the-Box site – but there’s many more. If you want to find more then just type in wedding dress or evening dress and Bob’s your Auntie.

I have lived for years with a more than casual interest in the female form and the wonderful variety of costume and adornments that were available in the latter part of the 20th century. But I had never actually studied the options. I had a vague feeling about ‘I knew what I liked’ but actual knowledge – no.

I knew that I had read a lot of stories – yeah – about every variety of transvestite opportunity. Every age from schoolboy to old man; every situation. My favourites were generally the Bad Boy – Good Girl or the Caught with Consequences. But I had read some of almost every type there was available – Enforced, Dominated, Body-modified, Sissified, Adult-Baby, Age-Regression, and some of the stories had a distinct yuk factor for me. That’s why there are so many stories and so many categories.

And, on occasions, when I read some of these – even though there was a yuk factor I read some more of them just to prove to myself that they were a bit too far beyond the margin. Being a fast reader, I devoured these stories and probably, no definitely, got a bit obsessive about some of them. Sometimes, an author would pique my interest so I made sure to get all of their works – and some of these authors had written lots. But my need for ‘words in a row’ mostly kept me on the text story sites.

Like many others, occasions on the internet did take me wandering down website after website – and of course some of it went beyond transvestism stories, and some of it was without a doubt porn. And only a few keystrokes could take you far far away from normal vanilla face-to-face heterosexual intercourse or ordinary nude or semi-nude girls. Some of these sites I would go ‘I can’t believe that – but I’d better have another look to be sure’; others would be ‘that’s awful – surely there won’t be more like that’; and some were ‘Yuk, I’m leaving that’. Others demanded passwords or even money – and I never went down that route. Everything I looked at was free and public. And some of that was actually ugly – and from several points of view – wrong. But we should all be aware that pictures require people in front of the camera as well as people taking the pictures – and at least some of the participants are unwilling and at least some of the others are uncaring, callous and intent on getting your money into their pockets. Much of the porn requires abuse and some of it is a form of slavery.

So life went on. I spent time, mostly in the evenings dipping into websites, some educational, some general, and some – too much – of the transvestite stories. Generally the text ones because the pictures do nothing for me.

On a few occasions, I would wear panties because they just feel nice – and actually they are cooler and more comfortable too.

My life muddled along – I wasn’t gay and I looked at 99 women (of all shapes and sizes) rather than look at any male. The very ones I did notice were those rare men who dressed with style – as if they would be able to use the varieties of cloth and colour that were now the prerogative of woman. They did dress better but would they be able to be the men of just 200 years ago – the Georgian dandy, wigged and be-laced and even corseted in a plethora of pleasing plumage. In the drab days since Victoria – few men had dared be that colourful and exotic. And nowadays those that did were too easily given a grubby label.

Men dressing better was possible – but Very Doubtful. Even amongst the exotica of the fashion world, the occasional attempt to allow male plumage to be adequately or even faintly displayed – well it never reached the high street. And the high street and the supermarket are where the majority of us mere mortals buy our garb.

For myself, I just wanted the occasional splash of colour and joy and beauty and smooth and slinky and all the rest of it that was and is still denied to the ordinary late 20th century / early 21st century man. The biggest opportunity we men had for colour in our drab daily lives was ‘what colour tie shall I wear’. That’s not a great opportunity.

Oh yes, on holiday or at weekends they could show their true peacock colours – but there’s no style in that. A garish pair of Bermuda shorts and a ghastly t-shirt with a stupid logo. Oh no, not for me.

Thinking hard, I can think of no regularly occurring event in the life of the typical anglo or European or even Western male for dressing up pretty. And that’s a shame. Fancy dress parties may do it for some – but only the very rarest will have the balls to deliberately dress as a woman and be relaxed and confident enough to do it well.

And despite the pleasure I have had in reading stories where it has happened – I don’t really believe such tales.

Thinking back to who and what I am. I had done quite enough reading on the subject – both non-fiction and fiction around the whole LBGT spectrum. I knew and know I wasn’t gay or even bisexual. Being lesbian was unlikely and I have never had any feeling that I should have been a girl or would have done better as a girl.

I like and have liked a lot of what being a man was supposed to be about. I may not have had a lot of use of my genitals over the years – but I never fantasised about getting rid of them – and I never had any interest in the genitals of anyone other than the female of my species.

But as a result of the lack of use of my own genitals, I had only got to study or enjoy the private parts of a low numbered few. I wasn’t in the same state as Professor Russell who ran whimpering from his marital bedchamber in revulsion, apparently, at the discovery that women had pubic hair. But I had no knowledge that some (such as my new girlfriend) might have hair on her nipples. Gosh – I know THAT was never mentioned in school or any of the magazines or stories I’ve read. But sometimes, wondering about the variety and differences between woman and woman – yes, there are remarkable differences – and according to the law of averages, there will be as many below the average as above. So being average is NOT UNUSUAL.

When I left school I knew nothing of Woman or women – and I didn’t know much about myself. But I still knew that I loved pretty colours and lovely fabrics and the whole process of adornment. If I couldn’t have it for myself then I could get a small amount of pleasure from adorning those close to me.

But did I actually have anyone close to me – was I actually getting much pleasure from my day to day life – I was getting older now and still I wasn’t sure. If I had any quantity or quality of emotions they had been battered by others and then blocked by myself. On occasions, I could see this as a lose-lose situation for me as when the time came for emotions – they might not be available. So, again, I would not bother with pleasure for myself but I could get some second-hand pleasure with others.

On rare forays into the more pleasing world, one can easily go into M&S, or any other store selling the right sort of garment – and very often a reasonable amount of confidence allows the purchase of underwear or even outerwear. Underwear is generally cheaper and smaller to tuck away into a spare bag – and only the rarest assistant is bothered.

If you DO go in red-faced, sweating, stuttering and uncomfortable – then they may giggle behind their salesgirl mask – but the sale is the important part of their job. ’How do you want to pay’ ‘ Do you need help with packing’ ‘Thank you – have a nice day’ Ker-ching. – Job done. For them.

We all know - from a quantity of the stories we have read – that the shapes, cut, size and labelling of womens’ wear is appallingly variable. A size 16 by one manufacturer will not fit the same as an apparently similar item on the next rack. [I’m not going down the fanciful route of me-me-me I’m a young man and I’ll just flip over and fit beautifully into a size 10 – rubbish. It doesn’t happen often enough to make a real story.]

I have written stories – and I have little from real life to base my ideas on. Recent stories have stated how important it is to have confidence and how dressers should avoid the overt and the slutty in favour of ordinary and relaxed. It is a shame that so many of the pictures of dressers involve short skirts, up-the-leg shots, down-the-cleavage, underwear and views or scenes that you can be all too confident that your mother or sister would rarely have indulged in. For me – it’s all a bit tacky and kitsch.

To be blunt – it was like going into a certain shop near Euston and expecting some style – instead I opened the door and almost the first things on view were a variety of vagina-pants. Which I didn’t immediately see as enticing or attractive or what I wanted. I wanted to be enticed and encouraged rather than embarrassed.

But it’s just so much fun. To run one’s hand across a smooth and sleek fold of cloth; to admire a button or a piece of embroidery that is just so excellent. And this is not available to MEN. (I am not going off into a completely reasonable discourse on why fashions change over the years and why for the last 40 or 50 years it has been on the edge of impossible for a normal, typical, ordinary man to dress with flair, panache or flamboyance).

I have never really looked at any of the websites for clothes before. Nor have I bothered with any of the catalogues. I will admit to wandering through the ladies’ departments of many a shop with my hands gently ruffling a reasonable percentage of the pretty, pretty things on display. And I have spent my time window-shopping too. But buying – no that has been rare.

I’ve bought a fair quantity of underwear – because I find it quite easy and not really embarrassing to buy panties, and stockings and tights and vests. Bras – well that’s a bit trickier so no.

I am adding a section here. Having written about ‘needing confidence’ I decided that I should be straightforward and possible to go and buy myself a bra. I went to that wonderful emporium known as M&S. I looked around the bras to find the colour-coding for 40-A and 40-B. When I had selected a couple – and there weren’t many – an assistant came up and asked if I needed help. After a deep breath, I said “Yes, I have found these bras in 40 but I was looking for some in 42. Can you help?”

“Yes, of course. And are you sure about the fit.”

First wriggle “Well, I think so as they’re for my wife – and I am aware that breasts do change in size as she gains or loses weight.” Deep breath. “Well, let’s be accurate, they’re for me actually. Would it be possible to try them on?”

Flicker of the eyes, possibly a raised eyebrow. “Well, yes. We’ll have to take them to a men’s fitting room.”

I followed. As we neared the men’s fitting room, I grabbed a t-shirt from a rack to hide the bras and panties I was carrying. I had no concerns about the panties – size 22 –kerching – thankyou.

I tried the bras and they were very tight. I took them back out and said so. We looked harder for some 42-B bras and were more successful. We went back to check them and she said to ask if I needed help. She was the one who picked up a t-shirt this time. We both smiled. I bought one of them, white with a pretty lace trim. What I didn’t buy was bra-extenders or breast-enhancers even though I had seen them on the shelf.

The bra was lovely but didn’t feel right without something to fill them – I wondered about balloons and bags of bird-seed but neither felt right for what I wanted. I looked at Amazon and was amazed at the variety of options – although some were extraordinarily expensive I thought. But there were shapers and enhancers; there were push-ups and full rounds, as well as triangular and tear-drop. There were small, medium, large and actually offensively large. Okay, they may be alright for those who want to present as over-the-top and draggy rather than middle-of-the-road. I was going to be content with something average.

I looked at other sites that I had never looked for before. “What are typical breasts” found me looking at fifty or more small as well as saggy. Not many ‘average’ in there was my thought but these were genuine and real. I did wonder for a moment what a site showing typical penises would offer.

So, the next day back in my home town – I did buy these and I also found a lovely slip with a choice of round-front or v-front.

The feel of my own bra was wonderful. The stretch across the back, the pull of the straps over the shoulder – but most amazing was the double curve of the breasts outlined at the bottom of my eyeline. It was fantastic, fascinating and enjoyable. Was I looking for a sexual arousal from all this – no, and I certainly wasn’t getting one as far as I could tell. I was just enjoying the new sensations.

I loved my new breast-line. That fantastic double-curve – oh wonderful. Lovely. Pleasing. And, for me, at the moment, small was just right.

Back to what one can buy easily - Nightwear, satin pyjamas or nighties – yes – those are easy enough. I have my own satin pyjamas and a lovely comfortable set in purple untra-thin knitwear.

After the success of the bra and breasts – I bought nail polish and tried it on myself. It was a little difficult of course as who was there to teach me. But the results – a second fantastic. Seeing my own fingernails gleaming in the sunlight, seeing my pretty nails every time I typed a key or turned a page. Oh, wonderful. I’m not sure I can understand how mere men can get through their drab daily lives without such small enjoyments.

Perfume too – I stole some of my wife’s perfume first and then asked at the beauty counter for a test – as I had noticed – one for the neck, and one for each arm. Lovely.

And tomorrow, I was going to do the same while wearing my bra and breasts – would I get any different sort of reaction. Would anyone offer to be helpful? That would be a result worth hoping for. Did I worry about adverse reaction – not really. If anyone did comment then I would merely say, ‘I like it and it’s not really your business – but thankyou for your comments’ or something like that. Confidence – that is what I would display.

I also have to go to the hospital for a blood-test – they’ve seen everything so nail polish and a bra worn by a bloke shouldn’t be too awful – should it – how big a risk will this be. I’m not going to wear a skirt or my lovely swishy, swirly red dress – just the bra and polish.

I do have several skirts which I bought from second-hand shops in local towns. I have two blouses – conveniently most of them are in dark red, plum, burgundy or black – so they match quite well. I love walking around my house or my (not-overlooked) garden.

To feel the swish of the air as it tries to creep up my legs – grand.

The feel of the knee-length dress as it swirls and swoops as I walk or turn – lovely.

The sheer pleasure as I draw my hands down my sides and the underlying satin slip slithers willingly against my fingers – delightful.

And underneath (so to speak) is the continuing pleasure of the bra and the delicious eyeline with those so-female bumps – enjoyable and comfortable and actually nice.

But as regards dresses and so on, there’s a site that has forced its way onto almost every website that I open. The Light is out of the Box as far as I am concerned,

As I say, last midwinter –I found a new interest. I don’t know who paid who, let alone how much they paid – but at the top or the side of almost every website I accessed – there were these scrolling pictures of gorgeous girls in gorgeous gowns; delectable damsels in dazzling dresses, Blossomy brides in blushing boweries…. , winsome wenches in wonderful wedding dresses. [Sorry, getting carried away there.]

Some of the girls out there already know about Light-in-the-Box and as far as I am concerned us mere men have been missing out. For myself, I love it. I love it when every now and again I can let myself out of my drab box and let the light in. I do wonder how LitB would react if asked to fit the measurements of a 6 foot 15 stone transvestite. Would they actually know from the measurements? Would they actually care?

While wandering the site after a lengthy session deciding which was the most wonderful of the Little Black Dresses - I found the section which discussed Shape and Fit. I had to make a list of the options. I must confess that I had never actually thought properly about the process of matching chunks of flat cloth to a multiply-curved and moveable surface ie a girl. I had spent too much time thinking ‘well that’s never going to happen to me – so that’s that’.

But this new site which made it look so easy and actually so cheap as well – well it makes a difference when your dreams come closer. It actually makes you wonder which of your dreams and what part of your dreams you actually want to become real.

Despite the magic and miracles in some stories – they’re not likely or really believable. There will be no mind-transfer, there will be no genital-shrinkage and inversion, there will be no real alteration in what there is. In my case, 6 foot and 15 stone is not going to get into a pretty dress.

But still I can dream.

I can dream and express delight in all the shapes of the people – I now know so much more than I did before because the Light is now On.

BODY SHAPE ...............Apple; Hourglass; Inverted Triangle; Pear; Petite; Rectangle
BODY SHAPE SPECIALS ..........Plus Size; Maternity; Miss

I can delight, no not actually fantasize about because that won’t happen, but I can still enjoy.

SILHOUETTE ...................A-line; Ball Gown; Princess; Sheath/Column; Trumpet/Mermaid
NECKLINE .......................Bateau; Halter; High Neck; Jewel; Off-the-shoulder; One Shoulder; Scalloped-Edge; Scoop; Spaghetti Straps; Square; Strapless; Straps; Sweetheart; V-neck
WAIST ...............................Empire; Natural; Dropped
SLEEVE LENGTH.............Sleeveless; Short Sleeve; Half Sleeve; 3/4 Length Sleeve; Long Sleeve;
SLEEVE STYLE ...............Bell; Cap; Illusion; Poet ; Puff/Balloon; T-shirt;
HEMLINE..........................Short/Mini; Knee-length; Tea-length; Ankle-length; Floor-length;
TRAIN ..............................None, Sweep/Brush; Court; Chapel; Cathedral; Watteau; Asymmetrical;

Then once the overall picture begins to take shape, I can consider all the details -

COLOUR ........................Well the list is almost endless – you could probably use a Dulux painter’s chart and find a colour to match – and with material you can add more colour with linings, applique – oh so many choices – and yukky men don’t get to do any of it. Sad oh so SAD.
COLOUR No.2 .................The lining, the petticoats, the beading, the sash, the embroidery, so many more choices.
COLOUR No.3 .................

EMBELLISHMENTS .........Appliques; Beading; Bow(s); Buttons; Cascading Ruffles; Criss Cross; Crystal Brooch; Crystal Detailing; Draping; Embroidery; Feathers/Fur; Flower(s); Lace; Pattern/Print; Pearl Detailing; Pick Up Skirt; Pockets; Ruching; Ruffles; Sashes/Ribbons; Sequins ; Side-Draped; Split Front; Side-split; Tiers;
BACK DETAILS ................Zipper; Lace-up / Corsette; Backless;
FABRIC ............................Lace; Chiffon; Satin; Organza; Tulle; Taffeta; Stretch Satin; Charmeuse; Feather; Sequined; Satin Chiffon; Jersey, and so many more – and then the combinations too.

Sometimes and of course this will be often be once the dress is fully featured, I may being to think of where this will happen – where the dress and the wearer will be on display.. Sometimes one has to visualize the scene and then the design of the dress evolves naturally. And the wonderful LitB site gives options as to location and event :-

STYLE .............................Chic & Modern; Reception; Glamorous & Dramatic; Classic & Timeless; Elegant & Luxurious
TREND COLLECTIONS ...Vintage Inspired; Lacy Looks; Sparkle & Shine; Little White Dresses; Little Black Dress; Cocktail Dress; Prom; 18th-21st; Open Back;

If the mood is going that way – and the scrolling pictures often take you there – you can begin to sway in the tumult of the never-going-to-happen

WEDDING DRESS ............Two-In-One Wedding Dresses; Wedding Dresses in Color; Wedding Dress in ‘White’; Wedding Dresses With Wrap
SPECIAL VENUE...............Church; Public Event; Beach/Destination; Garden/Outdoor
SEASON ............................Spring; Summer; Autumn; Winter;

PRICE ................................£ 0 - £65; to £130; to £200; to £300; beyond £300.

As regards the cost, only the boldest is going to go that far but does the money matter when you are going soon to be wrapped in your own, your very own gown. This won’t be just a dress, well probably not, it’s going to be the first of a series of new mountaintops. From each of which you can shout aloud with joy that, at last, at last, you are wearing something that gives you real pleasure.

And I was just a boy wanting to tear my heart apart so that it would match my deepest thoughts. And now I’m a man wondering if there’s anything actually wrong with wearing pretty clothes if that is what I want to do.

I would prefer not to upset anyone and as an ancient Duchess once said ‘I don’t mind what they do as long as they don’t frighten the horses.’ I don’t want to upset the horses either. But is what I want to do actually ‘wrong’?

But looking at pretties so much more and learning so much more has actually persuaded me to go out and buy more than just panties. I’ve bought myself a pair of satin-style pyjamas. I have bought myself a pretty red blouse with a built-in overlay cardigan. I’ve tried it on and even though the shoulders don’t fit well and even though it is going to need a cami underneath – I’m going to be wearing it when I am on my own.

I’ve been looking for shoes too. Size 9 (42) shoes with a small, say 2”, heel are hard to find. I did have a lovely pair once, dark brown-purple with open toes and a solid strap. The strap was a decent size too as often when I try shoes on in the self-service shops I just can’t deal with the fiddly little buckles – ooooh it makes me so cross.

But it only needs that extra confidence – who actually cares if you are trying on ladies shoes.

Am I going to go further – don’t know. But I want to – and the Light in that Box is surely showing me one of the ways forward.

And I can’t really see where this story is going – so that’s it folks. Alys P



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