Rules Are Rules: 41. Grandchildren

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"It isn't that I want you to be upset at what happened, but it doesn't seem that you understand the gravity of what's going on with you. You just skip happily from one bizarre cataclysm to the next, while all around you, parents, relatives, and friends clutch their hearts in terror."

Rules Are Rules

41. Grandchildren

 


Part 41
 

Mr. Marks cleared his throat. "The lesson for me is that we can't afford to miss any sessions. You've missed two in a row — with good reasons, obviously," (he meant the funeral and the operation), "but next time we have to reschedule. I mean, if your mother and your aunt hadn't called to tell me what happened, we would have spent this entire session trying to separate fantasy from reality."

He twisted his mouth, then cleared his throat. "Still, even knowing what happened, I have a very hard time believing that it's so. I'll be glad to hear Dr. Monroe's take on these new developments."

It's been a week since my operation. I mean operations, plural. It turns out that the hospital made a mistake and took out too much.

What happened is that before Aunt Jane arrived to help look things over, my mother had signed a batch of forms: insurance forms, hospital admission forms, consent forms.

Among the forms was a consent for an orchidectomy. It was there by mistake, but my mother signed it anyway, without knowing what she signed. The form said that she'd been informed of the nature of the procedure, etc., etc., but no one explained anything until after the fact.

What happened was that another patient in the ER needed the procedure for medical reasons, and a well-meaning clerk got the idea that *I* was that patient.

While they scheduled me for the appendectomy—which means removing my appendix — they also scheduled me for the orchidectomy—which means removing my testicles. You can probably guess what a big surprise it was to everyone, and — like my appendix, once they were gone, there was no putting them back.

My mother was mortified, and my father went through the roof. My aunt told me that Dad was suing the hospital, and my mother apologized over and over, in tears.

Honestly, though, I didn't mind.

"I don't understand why you're so upset," I said to Mr. Marks. "It's like you want to... to scold me or something. It's not like this was my fault."

Mr. Marks frowned. "What I don't understand is why it doesn't upset you," he countered. Then he paused and said, "No, that's not exactly what I meant to say. Look, the thing is, you act as if nothing particularly important happened. Like, you went to school, you had a snack, you played jump rope, you had a surgical procedure, you went to the mall... You don't seem to grasp the finality of what happened to you."

"What do you mean?"

Instead of answering me directly, Mr. Marks said, "Let me ask you this: you told me that you saw your mother crying. Why do you think she was crying?"

"Um, because of the mistake the hospital made."

"What does that mean to her?"

I shrugged. "I'm her child and she cares about me. She feels bad about signing the form. Also, this brings me one step closer to being a girl, and that's hard for her, too."

Mr. Marks scratched his head. I could see he was getting a little frustrated and impatient, which was unusual for him. "Okay. How about this: what event do parents want to see in their children's lives?"

"The day they move out?"

He groaned in frustration. "And then?"

"They get married?"

"And then?"

"They have kids?"

"Bingo! And what do they call those kids?"

"Grandchildren?"

"Exactly! Do you get it now?"

I licked my lips and looked around the room. I don't think I'm dumb, but I didn't see what he was driving at. I looked down at my Dodgers t-shirt. No answers there.

"Grandchildren!" he exclaimed. He had a hard time staying in his chair, he was so worked up. "Your mother wants grandchildren! Where are they going to come from?"

"From me?"

"Not any more!"

"Why not?"

Mr. Marks swore, and I was shocked. He'd always been kind, patient, and even funny. I realized later (when he apologized) that he was frustrated by my not understanding.

"Marcie, do you understand anything about human biology? Do you know about the birds and the bees? Where babies come from?" I nodded. He said, "It sure doesn't sound like it. You need to get a book for teens that explains all of that stuff. Before next week. And you have to read it. I'm going to quiz you on it, and I'm also going to call your mother to make sure you study it. Right now what's important is for you to realize that — regardless of appearance, in spite of breasts and surgical procedures — internally you are still a boy. You can't get pregnant, ever, not even if you have sexual reassignment surgery. There is no way, now or ever, that you can have a baby. Okay?"

I nodded.

"Until a week ago, you could have had a child of your own. You could have been a father. That would make your parents..."

"Grandparents."

"Very good. But now that you lost your testicles, you can never be a father. Your body doesn't produce sperm any more. Do you get it?"

"Yes."

He sighed. "I'm sorry I lost my temper with you. It isn't, as you said before, that I want you to be upset at what happened, but it doesn't seem that you understand the gravity of what's going on with you. You just skip happily from one bizarre cataclysm to the next, while all around you, parents, relatives, and friends clutch their hearts in terror."

"Really?"

"Really. This week, try to see how things affect your mother and your aunt. I don't necessarily mean asking them, but you could if you like. What I do mean is, look at their faces and try to imagine... if you were in their place, seeing you do the things you do. How would it feel to be your mother or your father or your aunt right now?"

"I'll try," I said. "Should I do that with you, too?"

He laughed. "It couldn't hurt."

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Comments

Wating

Ok, I'll just wait right here for the next part.
Interesting twist, Kaleigh. I expected this part
to come much later.

Sarah Lynn

The unkindest cut of all—Oh Bollocks!

Or rather no bollocks! Kaleigh, how could you, you evil woman, you! Poor Mark, that must surely be the end of him. She will have to be Marcie now.

I reckon Marcie's mom is a bit doolally—not quite with it; or did she do it on purpose? But maybe it was just an "ACCIDECTOMY"!

And now bereft of all desire,
He sings falsetto in the choir.

Hmmm?

Hugs and thanks for another excellent chaapter,
Gabi

Gabi.


“It is hard for a woman to define her feelings in language which is chiefly made by men to express theirs.” Thomas Hardy—Far from the Madding Crowd.

Another?

Rugby song, I mean. I can't bring it to mind but it sounds somehow familiar, potentially funny and has the feel of Hillaire Belloc.

Fortunately apart from tonsils in 1944 I've always been disgustingly fit and healthy when I've had the misfortune to find my self in hospital ... just injured. I doubt if even the dear old NHS would carry out an orchidectomy by mistake, would it? he says in a high voice. However, just how plausible is the rest of the story? Who really cares? It's a fantastical romp and total fantasy like most of the stories posted here. Isn't that why we read them?

So what next Kayleigh?

Geoff

:o

A shrink would never yell like that....
parent maybe, but a therapists? treating a client like thier child?
and so what? grandchildren shmandchildren... atleast they have thier CHILD.... marcie/mark may have never wanted kids anyway!
R

Shrink ?

OH I don't know about that on the Shrinks. I went thru 12 of the idiots B4 I got one 1/2 way sane. Hell, I had (2) different ones that wanted me in 1st hour of my 1st meeting get down on my knees and PRAY IT OUT of my system. LOL 9 of the 12 I'm pretty sure had no clue of what the Harry Benj. Standards of care was , let alone knew it was in the DMSV (the bible of Psycharitry)

storyline - here is a quote I find appropriate & find it suits my ideals of life -

when you choose an action --- you choose the consequences of that action also

when you desired a consequence --- you had dammed well better take an action that would create it

Ouch

That was a BIG OOPS that the hospital made there....

Another good chapter in the Life and drama of Marcie.... Keep up the wonderful work

Hugs,
Jayme Ann

The answers to all of life's questions can be found in the face of a true friend

The answers to all of life's questions can be found in the face of a true friend

No More Mark

Now what will happen? This story has more twists than a screw! I never that second operation coming. But now Marcie needs to grow up because her actions have caused things to skyrocket out of control. Just who's idea was the second operation?
May Your Light Forever Shine

    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine

re: Rules Are Rules: 41

It's been a week since my operation. I mean operations, plural. It turns out that the hospital made a mistake and took out too much.

Lol! Wow Kaleigh, you actually *DID* have them "take out too much".

"Not any more!"

"Why not?"

Mr. Marks swore

Another laugh out loud moment for me :)

"I'll try," I said. "Should I do that with you, too?"

He laughed. "It couldn't hurt."

And that time.

plot device

I understand about plot devices, story lines, and making it happen the way the author wants it to go. But I am having problems with a hospital that sets up and performs an elective surgery incident, done right after an emergency, life saving, surgery like an appendectomy. Must have been a really slow day in the theatre/emergency room

rules are rules #41

the hospital made a relly big screw up on this one what nixt thay take her him back and the hospital does SRS for free to tray to fix thar screw up wow now i know why i due not like hospitals espty the one were i live he he scarry ok have a good one cant wate to read a lot more hopey the nixt half is a lot lounger thanks
[email protected]

mr charlles r purcell
verry good story i wood love to see a lot more of this all i can say is wow verry good thanks for shareing

Well, I guessed it...

... Sorta. Though where that extra piece of paper came from, and the extra - unrelated - procedure scheduled came from... Well, someone got an early gift and not from the tooth fairy.

Do we think Marcie will become more observant? That's a good question. She probably "beleives" that "hey, I grew these apples, why can't I grow other stuff?" Many people would become more aware of stuff after a potentially life ending situation like the appendix needing to go bye bye. But Marcie, like the doc said, it was one more thing. And she's better, her tummy doesn't hurt now.

As to the doc exploding. I can't see it. I can see a doc sitting there and talking Marcie to the point she understands. That said, he'd probably blow off some steam with other staff - about how dense and clueless some patients seem to be.

More fun is in the offing...

speculation

Aunt Jane is a nurse, and she's seen how Mark has really come alive as Marcie. So she'd know what to put on the form before slipping it to her sister-in-law. And it would smooth things easier to just blame it on someone else's mistake.

ooOOHH!

Devious! Tricky! *Plausible*!
But immoral, too... hmmm.
Michelle

Aunt Jane would really have to ...

Jezzi Stewart's picture

... hate Marcie's mom to do that. Marcie's mom is probably going to hate/blame herself for a long time for signing that form.

BTW, whether or not there could be a successful suit against the hospital or not is not quite so clear cut. Where DID that form come from? That it was included sounds like negligence on the hospital's part to me, and a good lawyer could argue that given mom's distraught condition, she was not competant to sign all those forms so quickly. A jury might be very sympathetic.

"All the world really is a stage, darlings, so strut your stuff, have fun, and give the public a good show!" Miss Jezzi Belle at the end of each show

BE a lady!

Forms, heck!

They like ask the people involved like a *hundred times* "are you SURE about this??"
Michelle

Not to mention...

Frank's picture

I somehow doubt that they have the forms for castration just lying around that they could end up with other normal documents. It's not a routine procedure, and there isn't any reason for it to be in the E.R. paperwork...but hey it's fiction and silly so I'm going with it :D


Huggles!!

Alexis

Hugs

Frank

Never Say Never, But...

As the recipient of an emergency appendectomy (less than 4 hours from bursting, said my surgeon, after he had a look at it on the tray), I'm going to go out on a limb here and tell you that the ER and surgical staff was very focussed on the task at hand, and I couldn't imagine them having been very interested in additional elective procedures at the same time. It was all they could do to remove the damned thing without spilling anything and giving me peritonitis. It wasn't a quick thing, either, as I would imagine it should have been. I was told they spent over two hours on it.

On the plus side, it was a neat job, one of the smallest scars I've ever seen from an open appendectomy, and the Resident who did the surgery went on to become a prominent heart surgeon.

They were busy saving my life, and anything superfluous to that would have been ignored, I think.

But, mistakes do happen in hospitals. You do need a better explanation for this one, though. No easy task. Procedures in hospitals are a bit tightened up these days. A few removals of wrong legs and the lawsuits that resulted from them, and hospitals have responded. Patient names and numbers on each piece of paper, crossreferenced specifically with the wristband and verbal verification where possible. Writing notes right on the patient in Sharpie(tm) marker... If the orchiectomy was for a different patient, his name would be on the consent form and the fact that the parent signed the wrong consent form would not let the hospital off the hook, not one bit.

I won't annoy everyone by suggesting a plausible scenario of my own, but I'm reasonably certain you could come up with something a bit better than what's here so far.

I agree.

So far you've done a good job with letting the reader suspend their disbelief, but this chapter was a little over the top. I mean, Marcie just happens to get an accidental operation that removes her testicles (a benefit to her, as she is currently thinking) during what amounts to a life-threatening situation cause of the appendix? A chain of coincidences, like anything else, can be stretched too far.

Hospital snafus

Having worked for many years in hospitals I can tell you that f-ups are more prevalent than most people are aware of. It often happens that someone has the wrong limb or organ removed, but usually because of someones stupidity like holding the xray turned over. That way an organ on one side is mistaken for its sister on the other side. The consequences can be devastating.

Like everyone else I eagerly await the next chapter.

Love, Jo

Hospitals are no place to be when you are sick

The incidents of mismedications are very high, maybe as high as 50%. Plus, if a patient is without family, the quality of care suffers.

Just recently in the states, a women had both breasts removed because of cancer. It turned out that she did not have cancer; they got her records mixed with another woman's records. The women that had the cancer went for a long time without getting treatment, increasing her chances of not recovering from her illness.

A lot of patients will pick up additional illnesses from doctors and nurses who do not properly wash their hands, or change gloves. Plus, one source is male doctors wearing ties. The doctor tie will drop down onto a patient who is sick; the doctor visits another patient and the tie drops down again, transferring the germs to the second patient.

Hospitals are no place to be when you are sick.

Way to Go

The way things are going, the report from the patologist will say they were precancerous or something and would of had to come out very soon anyway. Kaliegh You keep us in stitches keep up the good work.

I think what the hospital is still actionable, they don't do that kind of elective under emergency conditions. Especially when the risk from infection is so great. If the appendix did burst then Marcie would not be released so easily. Her abdomen would have been flooded with toxins an bacteria. She would have been on IV antibiotics for a while. She certainly wouldn't have been released till she had come our of recovery better.

Love,

Paula

Seek freedom and become captive of your desires. Seek discipline and find your liberty.

The Coda
Chapterhouse: Dune

Paula

Seek freedom and become captive of your desires. Seek discipline and find your liberty.

The Coda
Chapterhouse: Dune

Yeah, that's what I meant.

I've heard some of the horror stories, though I tend to discount some of the worst ones. So it isn't so much that I can't believe that something like this might happen but that the hospital can weasel out of liability for it. I bet if there were a serious threat to take it to court, they'd be singing a different tune.

grandchildren

a consent form for an orchiectomy slipped in there. My mother signed it, without knowing what she signed.

i dont know much about how hospitals select operations and write out forms but id think that the doctors would be VERY careful about what operations they perform. but i understand and the other comenter was right, a phyc couldnt yell like that.
this was kind of sad.

Having a bit of trouble

I am having a bit of trouble with this plot element as well. I thought maybe it was going to be they took out something in the same region. The male gonads are not near the appendix. The appendectomy was an emergency operation, was it not? Which means they took Marci into theater without waiting for consent forms and such because they could not wait in case the appendix ruptured, spewing nasty little germs all over the internals of Marci. Not a good situation at all.

One can always sue. Look at how many frivolous lawsuits fill the court system, some over very trivial matters. No, I don't see Marci rents not suing over this incident. Just the press headlines alone would have the heads of the hospital scared to death. Patients would be wheeling themselves out the door as fast as they could, especially the male patients. Remember, hospitals are businesses with the goal of making money. No doctor wants to work in a hospital without any patients, hard to get paid that way.

I agree that this section needs a bit more work to make us accept it on our plates. Oh well, on with the show.

Call me implausible, will you?

For weeks I've been sweating about this chapter, afraid that I was going to offend someone...

As usual, I *never* expected the actual response, which was to call the episode implausible.

Oh! I bet you thought it was short, too!

You guys crack me up! I feel like you're always throwing curve balls at me.

Kaleigh (laughing-all-the) Way

Cracked up fan

They say authors should write what they know, but
to create a story, you need to make so much 'plausable.'
It seens like any author who doesen't know everything
is really going out on a limb.

Tough crowd. Tough crowd..

Curve balls?

Not any more! :P And on to other matters, maybe you should try a new pseudonym like, say, Kim Plausible (note this is a parody of some mouse's girl and is fair use)? Just a thought :D

By the way, if you married Dr No, would you then become Kaleigh No-Way?

On to the crux of this missive, wonderful writing as always, but I do have one question: Is Marcie a blonde?

Diana <-runs away in fear

i love it

hospitals mess up alot. it isnt entirely implausible. unlikely sure, but its as good as the magic tea that made Marcie grow apple sized breasts in 2 to 3 weeks. Dont let them get to you Kaleigh, I love it all.

Christine

Offensive?

Nah, the story is only "offensive" in that it's way over the top. And as we discussed when you first started writing it, that is your intention. You even added "Farce" as a keyword. Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead!

Oh, and it's not short, it's word-challenged. ;)

Karen J.

"Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose"
Janis Joplin


"Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.”
George Carlin

In the real world

In the real world, no hospital would do a combined emergency appendectomy and orchiectomy. Any lawyer could sue the hospital despite a hastily signed consent form. No psychiatrist would act that hostilely. No teenager would not know about the birds and the bees. The chapter is ironical if not outright funny.

The fictional events in this chapter are only slightly more preposterous than the earlier chapters. As an artistic device, this chapter provides a quick clean cut to the rest of the story. I await the following chapters.

DJ

Clean cut?

Bad pun! Groan

Diana

I'm like Marcie, but old : )

Gwen Why the warning about this chapter? Someone said it would be frightening. Heloooooo. Are not at least some of us vicitms of GID? Oh, would that I had been subject to such an error when I was very little. (Visualize girl with both hands folded on her breasts, sighing piteously at the oportunity she was never afforded.) Get your priorities straight ladies. : )
Gwen Brown

Pre-Teen Dreams

I had to have my tonsils out when I was ten or eleven. Tonsils, testicles, a mistake could happen I figured. ::grin:: Well, I hoped so. This chapter was as much fun as the others, Kay. ::smile::

-- Donna Lamb, Flack

-- Donna Lamb, ex-Flack

Some of my books and stories are sold through DopplerPress to help support BigCloset. -- Donna

Tonsilectomy—ouch!

I had a tonsilectomy about that age. I'm sure it was a lot more painful than a bilateral orchidectomy.

Gabi

Gabi.


“It is hard for a woman to define her feelings in language which is chiefly made by men to express theirs.” Thomas Hardy—Far from the Madding Crowd.

Way Fun!

Way too much comedy writing depends on the stupidity of the protagonist as a plot device, or is so cruel to the characters that I simply feel too sorry for them to enjoy the story.

Your stuff is different.

I have been enjoying _Rules are Rules_ and _Short Chapters_, and look forward to each new installment. The stories are delightful, light hearted, and often give me a good belly laugh. I just have to make sure that I'm not drinking my coffee when I read them.

I have to weigh in slightly on this chapter.

While I don't find the 'unintentional' castration all that implausable (stuff happens -- especially if someone behind the scenes arrange for it to happen,) I disagree with the assessment that the hospital can't be sued.

Even if the hospital could prove that they explained in great detail about the castration, the very fact that it was recommended is actionable. They recommended a procedure that wasn't necessary. That's malpractice.

By the way, I have been lurking for a while. I just created my account to tell you how much I enjoy your stuff.

(Maybe now I'll go ahead and submit some of my MORFS stories.)

Ray Drouillard

I like the story and as it

I like the story and as it is Kaleigh's story, she can write any way she wants. I just want to enjoy a good story and have done so far. J-Lynn

Bravo, weird but bravo

As Karen_J the Texas Tornado -- or is that Dr. Denton Coolie? -- says this is a farce.

Never the less this one had me covering my bits defensively.

I hope all turns out well, afterall the child never wanted to be a girl at the begining, it was all a strange accident. The -- "they were precancerous and the orcidectomy was a lucky accident" or, "they were just fatty deposits, we think she is really a she, intersexed and misidentified at birth" -- options would be nice but I imagine our crafty writer has their own way to explain this.

Farce or not I hate seeing a child deprived of their birthright and the ablity to conceive children. Maybe yopu can pull a Lizzie Jane on us. Fun romp despite the urge to cover my testicles in armor steel.

John in Wauwatosa

John in Wauwatosa

But Seriously ...

terrynaut's picture

I say so what if the story has gone off on an improbable tangent. It helps balance the seriousness of real life.

I'm enjoying this story very much so I say go for it. Hit me with your best shot (of improbable humor) and all that. I'm lapping it up like a cat on a dairy farm. Yeeeee hawwwwww! :)

Thanks.

- Terry

Hmm...

Kalkin62's picture

Well... a comment on a story nearly four years old, but ... it's the first time I've read it.

I've enjoyed the story so far, I like the writing style I like the plot arc management.

However, I'm forced to agree with some of the other posters, this particular plot twist strains credulity. A hospital staff tasked with doing an emergency appendectomy wouldn't do something like an orchidectomy. It's just a totally different class of procedure.

Worse things have happened at sea

But what if I told you that this chapter was based on a real incident?

It wasn't, but if I assured that it had...

Anyway, there is a joke:

A man tells his doctor, "Doc, I want to be castrated. I've been thinking about it for years, and I've finally decided I can't wait any longer." The doctor is taken aback, and says, "Once it's done, there's no going back, you know. You must be sure." The man assures the doctor and signs all the papers. After the procedure is done, the fellow of course is walking a little funny, and he sees another man who's walking the same way. So he goes up and says, "Hey, bud, looks like you had the same surgery I did." The other guy replies, "Yeah, funny to be circumcised so late in life, isn't it?" And the first man says to himself, "Oh damn! THAT was the word!"

well, no going back

Mark is done for

DogSig.png

Gems galore!

Emma Anne Tate's picture

“The day they move out?" Oh, yes!!!

And, “You just skip happily from one bizarre cataclysm to the next, while all around you, parents, relatives, and friends clutch their hearts in terror."

Yup! And that’s what makes this such an amazing story!

Emma