(aka Bike, est. 2007) Part 2767 by Angharad Copyright© 2015 Angharad
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This is a work of fiction any mention of real people, places or institutions is purely coincidental and does not imply that they are as suggested in the story.
The chimps’ tea party has nothing on the monkeys’ breakfast and it was worse the next morning. Trish and Livvie were arguing about something and it was moments away from blows by the way their voices were rising. I decided to challenge the increase in volume. “Just what is exercising you two this morning?” Did I mention it was half term again? That school seems to have shorter terms than our university.
“She said she saw the golden lady again last night,” claimed Livvie.
“I did, an’ so did Mummy, didn’t you?”
“I don’t think so, Trish, all I had was a nasty dream as far as I remember.”
“Yes, she was going to make you pregnant to teach you a lesson and you were upset because the baby might die as you don’t have a womb.”
Damn, she gets the same visions that I have—yet I don’t get hers, weird or what?
“If the golden lady had been there I’d have seen her too,” objected Livvie.
“Why? You don’t always see her when I do.”
“Because I’m a girl too, remember?”
“I know that but she seems to come to Mummy an’ me more often, that’s all I’m sayin’.”
“She did come,” said Danielle late to the party as usual—she doesn’t like early mornings, early being before ten o’clock.
“You’re up early, darling,” I said trying to deflect the conversation.
“You lot were making so much noise it woke me up, thought I’d go an’ see Cindy.”
“It’s going to rain according to the forecast,” I informed them.
“It’s already rainin’,” observed Trish, “So you saw her too?”
“Yeah—in a dream.”
“So why didn’t I? I am a proper girl you know,” Livvie seemed put out that only us changelings seemed to get these visions or imaginings or dreams.
“You didn’t miss nothin’.” Danni was obviously not paying as much attention in English as I thought and her ungrammatical speech grated on me, especially considering the fees we pay.
“Isn’t that for me to decide?” said an unusually argumentative Livvie. She gave me the distinct impression she felt left out and was resenting it.
“I’m just tellin’ you, tha’s all.”
Livvie sulked as she buttered her toast. “You didn’t see it either, did you, Meems?”
Mima was busy forcefeeding a dolly some cereal. “No, I was asweep.” That caused Trish to snort milk everywhere but none of the others picked up on the humour in Mima’s reply, most of us dream when we’re asleep, she couldn’t because she was asleep. At least Trish didn’t say anything except apologise for spraying Livvie with milk. Thankfully, Julie and Phoebe were on their way to work and Jacquie was dealing with Lizzie upstairs while Cate was sitting at the table munching her toast and Marmite. I can’t even stand the smell of it so I buttered my toast and mashed my banana on to it away from the table.
It was during this interaction that the phone rang. Stella answered it on her way into the kitchen. “I think it’s for you,” she said offering me the handset.
“Who is it?”
“John Jackson.”
“What does he want?”
“Ask him,” she retorted while depositing her two at the table.
It seemed like the best policy. “Hello?”
“Ah, Professor, could you spare a few.”
“A few what?”
“Moments of your precious time.”
“Why should I, Mr Jackson?”
“I think it might be in your interest.”
“Oh, and how would that be?” I munched on my toast and banana.
“We have notice of some lady with a white Jaguar estate car zapping some bloke with a magic wand.”
“What has that to do with me?”
“Professor, you have a white Jag estate car.”
“I’m sure it’s not the only one in the Portsmouth area.”
“You have a certain reputation.”
“Not for magic wands, Mr Jackson. I think you have the wrong Jaguar owner.”
“You’re not a witch then?”
“If you mean someone who worships the earth and works with its energies—no I am not. I have no belief system other than in science. People claim all sorts of things in the name of their religion—unless it’s testable under laboratory conditions, it doesn’t exist except in their deluded fantasies.”
“Can I quote you on that?”
“If you wish; now I have to go, I have lots to do.”
“Give my regards to your coven,” he cheekily replied, adding, “talk to you in a short spell.”
“Begone creature of darkness,” I managed before he rang off.
“What did he want?” asked Stella.
“That guy who tried to stamp on the hedgehog called the papers.”
“So he wasn’t as daft as you thought?”
“I don’t know, this might prove he is.”
“What are you going to do about it—turn him into a frog?”
“I thought that was reserved for princes?”
“It could be—if it isn’t? You might be able to claim a dispensation.”
“I’ll let the energy resolve it if it wants to protect itself,” I clicked my fingers and a small blue flash happened.
“What happens if he gets hurt?”
“That won’t happen.”
“How d’you know? It threw him over a bush yesterday.”
“I asked it to help him forget, that’s all.”
“Killing him would do that.”
“It won’t.”
“Or a head injury, concussion can cause amnesia—as you well know.”
When I crashed the Cayenne I forgot who and what I was until Trish brought the baby in with Stella. “I know—look, it won’t hurt him, it’s forbidden unless he’s directly threatening either it or its helpers.”
“Isn’t that what he’s doing by going to the tabloids?”
I shrugged, if he hadn’t been such a loudmouthed arsewipe none of this would have happened. If he remembers the hedgehog it could implicate me as I’d done an article for the echo about the plight of hedgehogs asking people to check bonfire stacks before lighting them, and to stop enclosing their gardens as it prevented hedgehogs from foraging and also socialising—it still takes two of them to make baby hedgehogs.
The phone rang again. Once more Stella picked it up. “F’you,” she said offering me the handset.
“Hello?”
“Are you the one who knocked the man over yesterday because he was going to stamp on your hedgehog?”
“I don’t have a hedgehog so it’s rather unlikely.”
“But you study them?”
“I study all mammals, including rats like you—goodbye.” I clicked the phone off and it immediately began ringing again.
“There’s someone down the end of the drive,” said Danni.
“Be careful when you go to Cindy’s.”
“I’m not goin’ nowhere, not while they’re after you, especially as it mighta been my fault he got zapped.”
“That’s very gallant of you, young lady, but if you want to go to Cindy’s, I’m sure I’ll cope.”
“I told ya, I ain’t goin’ nowhere until it’s over.”
“Okay, well you might as well strip your bed then and shove it in the washing machine. If you’re going to stay to help me, that would help quite a lot.”
Danielle stood there with her mouth open wide, I suspect it wasn’t quite the help she had expected to give.
Comments
Not sure what
the fascination is with Marmite , Personally i think its best left in its jar , Mind you when i think what we used to eat as young children maybe Marmite does not sound that bad ...I'm talking about what we english call dripping which for those who do not know is the fat left when you cook beef or pork , As kids we would spread it on toast and sprinkle salt on it .... My much more health conscious adult self would probably throw their hand up in horror at eating that concoction , But the child in me still has a certain hankering for it....
Kirri
Marmite
There is an International Store nearby and I found some Marmite there. Woe, it reminds me of brown sugar and kerosene. I did find some Hobnobs there and they were fabulous, though they do not carry them all the time.
Gwendolyn merch Thurston
Isn't there anyone who's thinking the guy may
have had a bit too much pub time before meeting Cathy? Seems a bit suspect... "I was going to kill a hedgehog so the witch zapped me with her magic wand"
"Later.”
Cathy forgets how lucky she is having girls as all my requests for help from the boys invariably seemed to be answered with "Later."
Une marmite is the French pot on the label of a Marmite™ jar, one if which might come in handy for brewing useful spells. Bananas by the way should be thinly sliced with a sharp knife - mashing them is a slippery path likely to lead to eating peanut butter and jelly (whatever that is).
Rhona McCloud
Bananas are going extinct again
The idea sounds yummy so I should get a move on.
Wonder if the marmite in the
Wonder if the marmite in the story and drippings mentioned by other readers were "popularized" during WWII because of the severe rationing undergone by those living in Great Britain then? I do remember drippings being kept in my family's and other relatives' homes for use in cooking other items when needed and at my grandmothers home, she did that until she passed away at age 83.
Really liked Cathy's comments to a couple of the bozos from the press and definitely liked her comment to Danni regarding being of help. Have used similar such comments to my own kids when they were growing up and when they were teenagers; and yes teenagers mouths will indeed fall open in "shock" when such a request is made regarding help. :-)
Cloud of flies
Gathering seemingly at random, like flies do, the press and looney crowd are grasping at the daft story. Cathy perhaps should cool it with the finger snapping for a while before the Goddess truly outs her attempting to turn our girl into a believer.
One day soon Cathy will see that she isn't just Mama Wolf defending her cubs, but matriarch of a respectable pack. Watch out world. It will surely give her grey hairs.
Mmm! Marmite ;) Cheese on toast with a squidge of the stuff on top. Curls yer teeth up.
"Reach for the sun."
That which is, is
I am concerned about Cathy's attitude regarding her 'gift' and the 'goddess'
Scientists don't 'believe.' Questions such as 'Do you believe in evolution?" are nonsensical and without meaning.
Scientists operate on evidence. If there is no evidence, then the subject matter is dismissed, but open to further investigation. If there is evidence, then further investigations and experiments will elucidate the matter.
Scientists have the philosophy, "That which is, is." If there is evidence, then we rethink ourselves, our opinions and our world view to incorporate the new evidence and to weed out that which no longer is true or pertinent.
Cathy has not done these things. She is faced with overwhelming evidence of her 'blue light', her extraordinary powers, the appearance of the 'goddess' (as confirmed by her children and others), her confrontations with evil-doers, and, most recently, her accidental battering of her beloved husband.
Cathy must stop and reconsider the evidence. It is overwhelming. Then, she must accept that which is and change her attitude, behavior and mind set to accommodate the reality she faces.
Red MacDonald
I think for the most part
Cathy would agree with you, but the definition of evidence may be where she wouldn't. The blue light possibly because she has manifested that in a laboratory, but the goddess - less cut and dried and that someone else also thought they experienced it doesn't mean it happened. The sermon on the mount is a possible example where 5000 are reputed to have been fed by three loaves and five fishes. Without recourse to the supernatural which is where the believers go, the only way that could have happened, if it did, is for a mass hallucination where they all thought they were fed.
Angharad