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Mathew’s Secret Desire
Chapter Six

Exactly two days later, Brenda phoned to say she had rescheduled her appointments to make room for her, to have time to see Mathew, at home rather than at the hospital.

Sara asked the obvious question of how much this was going to cost. Brenda surprised her, by saying nothing.

“George and I consider Mathew as ‘family’.” She said in a slightly hushed tone over the phone. “And we don’t charge ‘family’.”

Sara was surprised by this, and insisted that she be paid for her time with Mathew. But Brenda also insisted that payment wasn’t necessary. Helping Mathew through his transition, was payment enough.

After a bit more banter about payment, Sara finally agreed. Brenda then told her, that she would see Mathew the next day at five thirty.

“Oh, and don’t worry about diner. I’ve made arrangements to pick up something from Kepler’s on the way home.”

“Okay.” Sara said. “I’ll make sure Mathew is ready for when you get home tomorrow.”

Both women said goodbye, and hung up the phones.

The next day, Mathew stood in front of April’s house. Normally he would just open the door and go right on in. But after the events of the last few days, he felt compelled to ring the doorbell.

“Why hello Mathew.” Brenda said happily, when she opened the door and saw him standing there. “Come on in.”

“Hello Doctor Allen.” Mathew replied nervously as he entered.

Mathew waited till Brenda closed the front door before handing her an envelope, he had been holding.

“Mom said to give you this before we start.”

“Okay.” Brenda said taking the envelop from Mathew’s hand. She opened it and took out the folded piece of paper, and read the note that Sara had written on it.

“Let’s go and eat shall we.” Brenda said ushering Mathew into her office.

Brenda had cleared off her desk so they had room to eat. She guided Mathew to a chair, then sat down herself.

“Go ahead and start.” She said. “Don’t want the food to get cold, now do we.”

They started eating, and Brenda told Mathew, that this was going to be a ‘working’ session.

“So I understand you and Janice had a real bonding moment.” Brenda said leaning back in her chair. “She gave you a night gown she had when she was your age?”

“Yes, she did.” He said after swallowing the bite he had.

“How did that make you feel?” Brenda asked.

Mathew hesitated unsure how to answer. Brenda saw this and prodded him.

“Come now, Mathew. It’s not that hard of a question. How did you feel, when Janice gave you the night gown?”

“It made me feel happy.” He said slowly. “Felt loved.”

“Like it did when she said she supported you, and would be there for you?”

Mathew felt himself start to tear up, and he wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt.

“Yes!” He said starting to cry. Brenda got out of her chair and went to Mathew, and gave him a hug.

After a couple of minutes, Mathew stopped crying. Brenda then released him from the hug, and gave him a serviette to wipe his eyes with. She then went back and sat down in her chair.

“You do realize; Janice loves you no matter what. Same goes with your parents.” Brenda said.

“I know.” Mathew said sniffling. “But it kind of felt like she truly loves me better as her sister, then as her brother.”

“I see.” Brenda said writing something down on her note pad. “What about your parents? Do you think they would love you any differently, if you were a girl?”

Mathew looked down at the floor and shrugged his shoulders half heartedly.

“I don’t know.”

“Well I can tell you whole heartedly! They would love you the same no matter what! Boy or girl, it would not make any difference to them. You are their child, the only thing they want is for you to be happy!”

“Really?” Mathew said looking up at Brenda.

“Really.” Brenda said smiling. She then changed position on her chair and picked up her fork. Mathew did the same thing, but instead of eating what was on her fork, Brenda waited till Mathew had eaten what was on his fork to ask.

“Were you disappointed that you didn’t get a doll for Christmas or your birthday?”

“Yes.” He said through a mouthful of food. As he swallowed, he suddenly realized, Brenda had tricked him.

“Why did you lie to me when I asked you that question the first time?”

“I don’t know.” He said after a moments hesitation.

“Yes you do.” Brenda said. “You said no, but I could tell you really wanted to say yes.”

Mathew looked out the window for a moment, then looked at Brenda.

“I didn’t want to disappoint my parents.”

“We’ve already established, that’s not true. So that’s a mute point. Let me ask a different question. Did you ever wish, you got a doll as either a Christmas or birthday present?”

“Yes!” Mathew said without hesitation this time.

“Anyone in particular, you wished for?” Brenda asked.

Mathew shook his head no. Brenda continued asking him questions and writing stuff down on her note pad.

“April has a number of dolls in her room. Is there one you like?”

A smile tugged at the corners of Mathew’s mouth, which told Brenda Mathew liked dolls, and that his wish that he had one, was genuine.

“Which one do you like?”

Mathew hesitated for a moment before speaking.

“The one on top of her book case.” He said softly.

Brenda was surprised at this. The doll Mathew liked, was also April’s favourite. It was a birthday present from April’s Grandmother, and she kept it on the top of the book case, so as to not play with it.

“You mean Charlotte.” Brenda said amazed.

Mathew nodded,

“Why Charlotte. What is it about her, that you like?”

This time Mathew didn’t hesitate. When he spoke, he sounded exactly like April did, when she first saw the doll.

“She’s just so beautiful!” He said softly. “I like how her hair is so soft, how the dress she’s wearing looks so pretty, not like the clothes you see on ones these days.”

“Speaking of clothes. How do you feel wearing boy clothes?”

“There okay I guess. But….” He started saying, but didn’t finish.

“But you’d much rather be wearing girl’s clothes?” Brenda said finishing the sentence for him.

Mathew just nodded.

Brenda thought for a moment, then reached under her desk and brought out a clothes box and set it on the edge of her desk.

Mathew watched her place the box on her desk, and wondered what was going on, and what was in the box.

“I bet you’re wondering what’s with the box, and what’s in it.” Brenda said reading his facial expression.

Mathew nodded.

“Well it’s for you.”

“For me? What’s in it?”

Brenda smiled.

“Why don’t you open it and find out.”

Mathew slowly stood and reached out to open the box. He took the top half off, and when he saw what was inside, he nearly collapsed back into the chair.

Inside the box, neatly folded, was one of the two dresses, he had been looking at from Hilroy’s. The dress wasn’t fancy or anything. It was light blue in colour, and had a pink heart centered in the middle of the bodice. Also in the box, was a package of girl’s panties, as well as pantyhose.

“Your mother got that yesterday.” Brenda said as Mathew stared in astonishment, at the items.

“She got this for me?” He finally said.

“Yes she did.” Brenda said gently. “Why don’t you take that into the downstairs bathroom, and change.” Mathew looked at Brenda for a moment, then picked up the box and left the room.

When he came back, Brenda was amazed by what she saw. She didn’t see a boy standing before her, wearing a dress and pantyhose. No, what she saw, was a girl, who just happened to look like a boy.

“Well I’ll be!” Brenda said not hiding the amazement in her voice. “April was right. You look like a girl. Correction, not like, you are a girl!”

Mathew went and sat back in the chair, and Brenda was amazed at how he carried himself. Without being told to do so, he folded the back of the skirt half, under the back of his legs, as he sat down.

“Did April tell you to do that?” She asked.

“No.” Mathew said. “I remembered seeing it in a move mom and Janice were watching one time.”

“Well that was very good of you to do that.” Brenda said. “That is what young ladies and women, are suppose to do when they sit down. I’m pleased you remembered that.”

Mathew couldn’t help but smile with pride, at Brenda’s compliment. While he felt nervous sitting in front of Brenda, wearing a dress, he couldn’t help, but feel at ease either.

“So tell me, Mathew. How do you feel wearing that dress? Do you feel uncomfortable, or does it feel right?”

“Well I feel nervous, but I don’t feel uncomfortable. It feels right to me.” At that point, a tear ran down Mathew’s face. “I feel happy.”

Brenda couldn’t help but happy for Mathew. This was a big step to make, and to have him admit, that he was happy wearing the dress, was even bigger.

“Well Mathew, I have to say. You’ve taken the first big step to a new life. We still have a lot of work to do. But I think I can confidently say, you are transgendered, and a girl!”

Mathew felt overjoyed. He jumped up from the chair and hugged Brenda as hard as he could. He kept saying thank you to her over and over, until Brenda forced them apart.

“Alright settle down now.” She said straightening herself. “As I said, we still have a lot of work to do. But first, we don’t we do into the living room and show Janice and your parents how pretty you look?”

“There here?” Mathew asked suddenly feeling scared.

Brenda stood and took hold of his hand and gently urged him to stand.

“Yes.” She said. “The came over while you were changing in the bathroom.”

Mathew swallowed hard, but let Brenda guide him to the door, and lead him to the living room.

Fred, Sara, and Janice were sitting in the living room, talking with George when Brenda appeared with Mathew. They all looked up when Brenda cleared her throat.

“Sara, Fred, and Janice. Allow me to introduce your new daughter and sister.”

Mathew stood next to Brenda, still holding her hand as his parents and sister stood. They didn’t say anything for a moment, then Sara spoke.

“I never would have believed it. But you’re right Brenda. April said he looked exactly like a girl when he wore her dress. And now seeing him, I mean her, she was right.”

“Mom.” Was all he could say.

“Come here sweetie.” Sara said trying to hold back her emotions, and failing.

Mathew ran to his mother, and hugged her along with Janice and his dad. After a moment they broke apart, and they all sat down.

“I was telling Mathew, that we still have a lot of work to do.” Brenda said sitting down next to her husband. “Like, I want to hear more about those dreams, she’s been having.”

Mathew shifted his position on the couch between his parents. Not because he/she was uncomfortable, but because the dreams he/she had been having still needed to be sorted out.

“But first.” Brenda said continuing. “I think your mom and dad have something they want to tell you.”

“Sweetheart.” Sara said. “When you were born and it came time to name you, your father and I had already picked out your name…”

“But when my mother, and your mom’s mother saw you, they insisted for reasons we didn’t understand then, to give you a girls’ name as well.”

Fred said continuing.

“They even insisted on it being included on your Birth Certificate as well.” Sara said.

At that point, Fred reached into the pocket of his shirt, and pulled out Mathew’s Birth Certificate, and handed it to him/her.

Mathew to the piece of paper from his/her father and looked at it. There in bold black letters were the names ‘Mathew Eric/Abigail Errin Stevens’

“Grandma and Nana named me Abigail Errin?” She said looking up at her parents.

“That’s right sweetie.” Sara said.

Mathew looked back down at the certificate again, and in an audible whisper said.

“Abigail Errin.”

“If you don’t like it, we can pick something else.” Fred said.

“No!” Mathew said. “I love it!”

“Then Abigail Errin is what we’ll call you from now on!” Fred said.

“It would be best to only refer to Mathew as Abigail, when he’s in girl mode.” Brenda said jumping in. “Like right now for example. She’s wearing girl’s clothes, so we all can call her Abigail. But when he’s in boy mode, wearing boy clothes, he should be referred to as Mathew.”

“But can’t I be called Abigail all the time?” Mathew asked. “The Birth Certificate….”

Brenda held up her hand to stop him.

“Just because it says Abigail, doesn’t mean you should use it as your sole name from now on.”

“But.”

“Let me finish. I know your excited and all. But like I said, we still have a lot of work to do. First off, we have to set a fixed set of ground rules, for when you can be in girl mode, and when you can’t, and who can see you in girl mode, and who can’t.

Secondly; George here, will have to give you a full physical examination, plus blood samples, to determine the correct dosage of testosterone blocker, so you don’t start male puberty.”

Mathew looked down dejectedly, at his pantyhose covered feet. He balled up his hands into fists, but his father took them in his hands.

“Brenda is right kiddo.” Fred said. “We can’t just start doing this, with out some sort ground rules. Okay?”

“Okay.” Mathew mumbled.

“I know your disappointed sweetie.” Sara said stroking his head. “But believe me, it’s for the best if we take it slow.”

“What do you suggest Brenda.” Fred said.

“Well. One I would limit Mathew’s time in girl’s clothes to home or here. I would even go so far as to say, he stays indoors when dressed. You can refer to her as Abigail, when dressed.

Two, no answering the door when dressed.

Three, once school starts again, it’s boy mode until you come home. Understand, Abigail?”

Abigail nodded.

“But what about Phys Ed?” Janice asked, speaking for the first time.

“I will write a note to the school, asking that Mathew be excused from gym classes, from now on for medical reasons.” George said.

“Thank you George.” Fred said.

“Who do you suggest we tell and not tell?” Sara asked.

“That’s up to you to decide.” Brenda said. “We’ll tell Cindy, that Mathew will be coming around here dressed in girl’s clothes, so there’ll be no trouble that way.”

Both Fred and Sara nodded.

“I would also suggest you find a lawyer, to handle any and all legal matters, that will no doubt arise from Mathew transitioning.”

“Good point.” Sara said.

“But who?”

Everyone was silent for a moment, until Mathew spoke up.

“What about Hinata’s dad. He’s a lawyer.”

Sara and Fred both looked at each other.

“Couldn’t hurt to ask.” Fred said.

“You will most likely need one to get the male names removed from the Birth Certificate, and any other legal documents.” Brenda said.

Fred thought for a moment, then said.

“Okay. I’ll call him sometime tomorrow. When do you want to see Mathew for the physical?

“Either you or Sara can come by the office around ten to five tomorrow. You’ll be the last patient I see.”

“Okay.” Sara said.

“So!” Brenda said standing. “Who wants desert?”

End of Chapter Six