Easy As Falling Off A Bike pt 2866

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The Daily Dormouse.
(aka Bike, est. 2007)
Part 2866
by Angharad

Copyright© 2016 Angharad

  
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This is a work of fiction any mention of real people, places or institutions is purely coincidental and does not imply that they are as suggested in the story.
*****

I got my computer bag out from under the car with the help of the hockey stick. “How did that get under there?” asked my escort.

“I wondered if that was what he was after, so I kicked it under the car. It didn’t impress him much.”

“How d’you mean?”

“He made threatening noises and chased me round the car.”

“I see, did you tell my boss that?”

“I don’t know.”

“I’ll ask him when he comes up—anything in there of particular value?”

“My iPad, some files from university and some data sticks—only the iPad would be of use to a thief,” I suggested.

“Yeah, but he’d hardly be able to see you from the road, would he?”

“Perhaps he was waiting to ambush anyone who came out, or came in. My husband will be home in an hour.”

“Does he carry valuables with him, then?”

“His computer is usually state of the art and my daughter’s who’d be with him, is even better.”

“How come—hers is better than his?”

“She’s their cyber security expert. What she doesn’t know about computers is probably irrelevant.”

“I wish I knew a bit more.”

“I know that feeling. I have a ten year old who knows more than I do.”

“How many children have you got?”

“At last count, ten I think.”

“That’s crazy, how are you old enough to have ten kids? Were you on one of those fertility drugs?”

“Sadly, that wouldn’t help me, I don’t have the equipment—so all mine are adopted.”

“Wow, adopting ten kids, you’re brave.”

“They needed a home, we had room—voila, lots of kids, though some were teenagers who needed somewhere to deal with themselves or life, or both.”

“You’ve got your own orphanage.”

“No, it’s a home to real people and we are one big family. That isn’t to say we don’t have disagreements but we all love each other and support each other.”

“Right,” she said but the expression on her face didn’t quite support it. “So they’re all brothers and sisters?”

“Sisters. Yes they all accept the role and it seems to have helped all of them. We are all stronger if we can see ourselves as part of something bigger. It’s how religion captures people, only in this house it’s real support and love not some imaginary something.”

“I go to church and get something from it,” she said less than pleased with my statement.

“Good for you,” I said and meant it.

“But you’re anti-church?”

“I have no time for religions they are a con and a way of controlling people.”

“They don’t control me.”

“Good, perhaps I’ve got it wrong then, but I won’t be rushing to join the ranks in the pews.”

“We don’t have pews, we have chairs.”

Boy, this one takes things more literally than I do, going to have to watch what I say.

“You some sort of scientist?”

“I’m professor of biological sciences.”

“Ooh a big scientist?”

“Actually I’m the same size I was as a post graduate student.”

She looked at me—two could play at being literal—then smiled. “I wish I could say the same from when I was a cadet.”

I suspected I might be a couple of years older than her.

“Still if I get fed up with the police, maybe you could adopt me?”

“I’ve sort of got my hands full at the moment.”

“Pity, I’d love to be able to say my mother was a professor instead of a cleaner in Tesco’s.”

“Don’t knock the little people, we’re all essential to the system and she seems to have brought you up okay.”

“Yeah, I s’pose, never lived in a big ’ouse like this or drove Jaguars. Pays well does it, being a professor?”

“Probably better than being a constable, but my husband is a bank executive, so he earns more than I do.”

“An’ your daughter is with the same bank?”

“Yes, she earns as much as I do, but she works very hard and is brilliant.”

“I’ve seen you somewhere, haven’t I? You were wearing a suit—that’s it, the poster in the bank. You were on that, weren’t you, with some little furry thing, a rat or mouse?”

“A dormouse called Spike.”

“A pet one?”

“One of our breeding animals but she was a real character.”

“Was—she dead then?”

“She was probably close to eight years old.”

“Is that how long they live?”

“Four or five is more usual.”

“So you an expert in dormouses?”

“Dormice—shall we say I study them.”

“So you are. Did you help with that film they did last year or the year before, they showed on the telly?”

“Yes, I helped them with it.”

“It was quite good, except the girl on it, she was too girly to be an expert on anything, like the one on Autumn Watch, whatever her name is. She’s only there as a token bimbo for Chris wossisname to look good against.”

Oh boy, I decided not to get involved.

“I mean that Chris wossisname..”

“Packham, Chris Packham.”

“Oh yeah, that’s ’im, now ’e knows a thing or two.”

“I agree, he’s a very knowledgeable presenter and he loves his job.”

“Yeah, I quite fancy doin’ something like that—ya know, this ’ere’s a dormouse,” she said with an imaginary animal in her hand.

“Well if you get a bachelor’s, a master’s and doctoral degree, we’ll see about recommending you to the BBC Natural History Unit.”

“You know them?”

“Yes, it was they who commissioned my dormouse film.”

“Your film?” She blushed red enough for me to be able to see it in the light from the house. “Oops, I done it again.”

By the time we actually got into the house and I organised two teas we were overwhelmed by a gang of nosy schoolgirls all wanting to know why they weren’t allowed to see the what had happened out in the road. David was sitting quietly in the kitchen with a brandy and he still looked pale.

“You okay?” I asked placing my hand on his shoulder.

“Yeah, just can’t get the blood out of my head, there was so much of it.”

“The car took his leg off, his femoral artery would have emptied him in minutes, but I suspect the shock killed him.”

“Yeah,” he sat sniffing.

“Look if you want to go home, feel free, I’ll finish dinner.”

“Nah, if I do I’ll only get rat arsed, might as well stay here for now. I’ll get it together in a minute."

"I’ve got to speak to this young policewoman and deal with half a dozen school-ghouls.”

“You what? School what?”

“They feel deprived that they didn’t see anything.”

“But they’d have nightmares for weeks?”

“Quite.”

“Won’t you?”

“I’m an aristocrat, David, we’re supposed to deal with anything life throws at us with a stiff upper lip.”

“But that’s not true, Cathy, you’re one of the most caring and sensitive women I know.”

“Hush, no one is supposed to know that.”

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Comments

Well,

At least this officer is better than some of the previous examples.

I suspect the kids will gawk at the stains in the morning.

Bike

Every day I vote and leave a Kudos but I don't always leave a comment and for that I say sorry . There are far better and talented people who comment and I feel overwhelmed by them and don't comment . Having said that I enjoy this series so much and look forward to each new episode so thank you for sharing Cathy and family with us and hopefully long may you continue . Watch your back Cathy you have a nasty piece of work as an opponent this time .

devonmalc

How our friends see us

Rhona McCloud's picture

I tell people that I’m a mean nasty bitch and crazy as a dingbat. They appear to believe me. Cathy suggests she has a stiff upper lip and David leaps in to say how caring and sensitive she is. Would it help if I threatened my friends into saying nice things about me Angharad?

In fairness to Michaela Strachan of Autumn Watch, she does have other talents being World Ladies Gurning Champion in 2002 and has had to deal with breast cancer along the way.

Rhona McCloud

I knew

Angharad's picture

she looked familiar.

Angharad

Rhona

Christina H's picture

Not a dingbat lady more of a cat herder I would suggest

“Hush, no one is supposed to know that.”

Podracer's picture

Except 'unnerds of readers on here.
Has Cathy gotten used to the occasional gore on the driveway, or is she going to have a delayed reaction. She does have to stay strong in her position as angel and matriarch protector of her family, but those last few lines are telling.

"Reach for the sun."

You wanted convoluted?

We don't actually know who attacked Cathy do we. I could be anyone from the local punk gang to the Central American Drug Cartel. I hope that the police take this with all due seriousness. We might have a range war in the making.

Gwen

Policewoman!

Christina H's picture

I like the police officer she seems to have a lot more common sense that most that Cathy comes across even though she takes things a bit too literal.

School Ghouls - now I like that.

Thanks as usual Angharad

Christina

And another one bites the dust!

Just back again and glad to play catch up. It's usually the second thing I do after opening the back door, (The first is feed the cat. She's finally worked out what the mechanical cat feeder does!!! when I'm away.)

Still lovin it.

bev_1.jpg

talk about putting your foot in it....

"she was too girly to be an expert on anything"

Cathy must have cringed a bit but I hope she ended up laughing inside.

Humphrey Bogart kept a stiff

Humphrey Bogart kept a stiff upper lip, 'course his was due to a shrapnel wound during WWI at sea.
Open mouth insert foot.

Karen