The Daily Dormouse. (aka Bike, est. 2007) Part 2883 by Angharad Copyright© 2016 Angharad

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This is a work of fiction any mention of real people, places or institutions is purely coincidental and does not imply that they are as suggested in the story.
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Daddy arrived just as David served dinner—pork chops which were delicious, he did them in a sauce which included cider and cream and chopped apple. I was itching to speak to him about accepting the appointment without any mention of it to me.

So after dinner while the girls went off to play and Simon went to play with them on the Wii consul, I followed Daddy down to his lair. “Whit dae ye want?” he asked as I pushed in behind him.

“You could have told me they were asking you to cover the Vice Chancellor’s job.”

“I didnae ken until I got there and I dinna hae tae ask yer permission, yer ainly keepin’ ma seat warm.”

“I’ve increased our income and the number of students, I’m expecting to increase the numbers and grades of degrees awarded, the number of research projects and joint projects with commercial associates.”

“Oh aye, High Street Bank ye mean?”

“No, the Forestry Commission and National Trust.”

“As they’re both strapped f’ cash, how’s that goin’ tae work?”

“Wait and see.”

“I’m yer boss, tell me.”

“We’re not at work now, so I won’t. But I can tell you that we’re doing a small research project for a farmer, in which we’re using natural substances to reduce the leather jacket damage and breeding wasps for him, which take the adult crane flies.”

“Ye hae tae watch using biocontrols, they quickly gang oot o’ balance and yer problem jest grows.”

“I’ve got young Richie Dover looking at it—he’s a competent entomologist and should get a PhD for this if it works.”

“An’ if it disnae?”

“If he knows why and is able to tell us, he should still be worth a PhD. We’ve got a contract for three years, though adverse weather could cause problems.”

“Whit d’ye ken aboot insects?”

“Enough to be a co-mentor, Roehampton are quite interested as well and are helping us with the insect specific elements, in return we’re collecting data on bumble bees for them.”

“Why?”

“They’re doing research into the decline in bumble bees, which as you know do far more for pollinating plants than the lazier hive bees.”

“Aye.”

“We have two post grad students doing surveys for them over the fifteen hundred acres of the farm.”

“I hope they like walking.”

“So do I, Daddy, so do I. They’re looking to count the colonies of the bees over the area we’re treating for leather jackets, those we’re increasing the wasp population and the pollination of some pea crops.”

“Aye if yer wasps hunt yer bees...”

“The sort we’re introducing shouldn’t, but I suspect that’s what they said about Cane toads in Australia.”

“Aye, jest whit I wis thinkin’.”

“So how long are you playing at Vice Chancellor?”

“As lang as it takes tae get thae richt candidate.”

“So until the end of the academic year then?”

“Mebbe, mebbe longer.”

“I had an interesting experience earlier...” I told him about my encounter with Archibald.

“Sae were they soonding ye oot or setting him up f’ a fall?”

“But just a little effort on his part and he’d have known all about me, especially my opposition to the badger culls—for heaven’s sake, I was on national radio, supporting Brian May.”

“Who’s he when he’s at hame?” he asked with a twinkle in his eye.

“I don’t know, I just want to ride my bicycle...”

“Aye, weel dinna start singin’ I surrender thae noo.”

“Why does everyone criticise my singing—I’ll have you know I was the lead soprano in my old school.”

“Weel, compared tae wee Trish, ye micht be all richt.”

“But Trish has no sense of pitch,” I protested.

“Aye, I ken.”

“And you have the nerve to call me a scunner—talk about the pot calling the kettle black.”

“Ye are a scunner.”

“Don’t tell me it takes one to know one.”

“Aye.” His eyes sparkled and eventually he smiled.

“I’ll leave you to your tipple seeing as I can’t stand the smell of it.”

“Ye shud hae been a Sassenach, preaching such heresy aboot thae water ’o life.”

“If that is true how come it causes so many oral and throat cancers?”

“Och ye’re misunderstandin’ thae research. It’s thae water they hae wi’ thae whisky that causes it.”

I nearly choked, I doubted Billy Connolly could have come up with a more ludicrous answer. I was still coughing a little when I went to my own study to do some work on the survey. I was still there when Si put the youngsters to bed and also when he said he was going to bed. I had however sorted some mistakes one of my post-grad students had made. They were pretty basic ones so was I guilty for not training him fully or was he a bit thick? He had a BSc, or was it a BS, where the B stands for male cow? I’d asked Moira, one of last year’s survey coordinators to supervise him for a bit and if he seemed incapable, he’d have to go. I have told him before and as it isn’t rocket science, just basic science—Sammi’s program does the clever stuff—he’s really on his last warning. It’s all there in the rules of the university, that students who don’t perform adequately will be given extra training and a chance to show their improvement, failing that they will be asked to leave, a decision confirmed by the Vice-Chancellor. This time we asked the University Council to speed up the process.

It always grieves me when I have to ask someone to go for whatever reason. Cheating is in exams or plagiaristic use of unattributed work is possibly the one I hate to see arising the most. For someone to do the latter is an act of stupidity, we know what’s been written about our subject by other leading researchers, sometimes almost word for word, however, it doesn’t take an Einstein to spot it. Also as it’s relatively easy to find opposing views on most subjects it isn’t beyond most of them to write a piece criticising one or other authors citing their opponents. If we’ve done some work experimentally, they are allowed to cite it but only as experimental results which might need reconfiguring after further research or as the project being exploratory rather than definitive. Goodness, I sound like an academic—bleh.

I got to bed at one in the morning, but I had sorted everything. Simon was fast asleep. As I went to get into bed I heard some whimpering and traced it to Hannah who was asking Ingrid to let her stay with us despite the incident the other day.

I calmed her down and told her she was safe with us. I’d ask Stephanie to have a chat with her in the next few days. She’s done really well since coming to stay with us, academically and socially. She’s far less withdrawn than she used to be and the confidence helps her to be more outgoing and also to achieve more academically. If you think you can do it—you probably can, and besides, teachers are there to try and see you don’t fail. I spend much of my working hours doing just that despite my poor choice of candidate for the survey coordination. I suppose none of us are perfect—well none of you lot are...