The Addict

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For once I was not depressed coming home from work. Unfortunately not being depressed meant that I finally had to do what I had put off for weeks: search my son’s room.

Being a police detective is not a cheerful occupation but today we finally had got a lead on the Vigilante Virgin! Well, that’s what the media call her anyway. Voluptuous, wearing a tight super-hero style bodysuit leaving nothing to the imagination she’s definitely a babe. Me, I don’t approve of criminals whatever reason they claim for their deeds. Beating up people is a crime even if she leaves them with sufficient evidence to get them convicted. However, actions like that always lead to someone getting seriously hurt. Even if I’m not sorry for the real criminals, innocent people the vigilantes think are bad guys or the vigilantes sooner or later will get hurt. In fact this is why I’m in a good mood. Last time she got stabbed and left some blood on the scene of her crime. I’m waiting for the DNA analysis now.

But back to my family problems. For some time now I had suspected that my son was on drugs. Over the last year he had changed in very suspect ways. First he dropped out of his martial arts classes. He claimed that he kept up practising in the basement that we had made into a practise area. For a while I believed him but then I realised that he only let two of his old friends in there and always kept the door locked whenever he was down there. And then the smell. The cloying flowery smell I could smell whenever I got down there or passed his bedroom door could very well be to hide something else. He used to be a dapper dresser but now he always walked around in a heavy sweater and a little bit hunched over but what really had made me worried was how tired he had become and his schoolwork was definitely slipping. Given that I know that drugs are dealt at his school I’m worried. For God’s sake the Virgin Vigilante struck first at a dealer in our neighbourhood.

My son didn’t know that I’ve always known about his secret hiding place behind a loose panel in his bedroom. As I had expected I found pills hidden there. Not the usual drugs though; oestrogens! What the fuck! I started to dig into his closet. I found girl's clothes hidden away. Skirts, dresses, tights… and in the back a knock-off of the Vigilante Virgin’s costume. A good copy. Hey, he must have gone through the papers I sometimes bring home from work since it incorporated some details not made public!

As I was going through his closet my son walked in. He looked at the clothes on the floor and resignedly said:

“Well, I guess I don’t need this any longer and can let the puppies out”

He took of his sweater and shirt and started to unwind a bandage around his chest. Well, he had a pair of really spectacular breasts! Combined with the lean, muscular curvaceous body I got a reaction that a father definitely shouldn’t get when looking at his son.

My phone beeped. I looked at the message. The result of the DNA analysis was in. WTF: XY!

I looked up at my son and the last bandage lower down on his chest with a bit of blood seeping through. Belatedly I realised. He saw that I had finally understood.

“Dad, you have no idea what a great feeling it is to put on the tight costume, to show off my great teenage girl figure and really kick some bad-guy ass. The adrenaline kick is incredible. Being so feminine and so powerful at the same time and all the adoration I get. You have no idea the high I get.”

And then he finally broke down and started to cry. I took a step forward and took him in my arms.

“Dad, please help me. I’m a heroine addict!”

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Comments

*Groan*

Hypatia Littlewings's picture

*giggles*
Good story,
horrible punchline!
>i< ..:::

I have to agree with Hypatia

I groaned at the punch line, but would love to see more of the story, maybe the son or now daughter telling the father how it all began.

We the willing, led by the unsure. Have been doing so much with so little for so long,
We are now qualified to do anything with nothing.

It is one of those stories...

Hypatia Littlewings's picture

... that is great as it stands, but follow ups would be fun too!

>i< ..:::

.

Oh that's sooooooo bad.

Thanks,
T

OK, OK,

Seriously well done. I got caught up in the story and forgot to watch out for the pun!

Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee

i want you to know...

licorice's picture

I just read the punchline to my gender fluid spouse. I received a look of pure suffering, and a whisper of: "I hate you. I want you to know that I hate you"

I have a feeling

it's a good thing I'm far from the US.

A Very Long Way...

...to go for a homonym. I mean, is it even a pun if it sounds exactly the same and only looks different in print?

It's a good thing you're such a good writer and actually have something here that people might want to see more of. Any plans for an adventure or two with Vigilante Virgin?

Guilty as charged

but I had fun and I hope at least some others had as well. On the other hand people often think my stories are too short and not too long.

As to the "Vagaries of the Vigilante Virgin" I have nothing planned but who knows?

Oh the pun der of it all

BarbieLee's picture

I try really hard to ignore anything Bru posts as he writes ZIP stories. They are so compact and short there is no time to get into the story with the characters. Instead there is always the "gotchu" zingers I never see coming as he ties the tail on his tale of what evers. Kinda like a sonic boom. By the time you hear it there isn't any need looking for it because it's gone.
One more time I make a promise to myself and am going to refuse to look at any more Bru stories. I'm a rock of internal fortitude, I can do it..., until next time.

Have fun with life, it's too short to take it seriously. But Bru is definitely having more than his fair share.
always,
Barb

Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl

Oh my

I had no idea my stories should be a controlled substance. Only Class C I hope. I'm not sure but I think I should thank you.

With all the serious stories here

It's really good to 'inject' some humor once in a while ^_^

And puns, what can be more 'mainline' humor ^_^

True!

But you better be ready to be needled for it!

ha!

Bru, you should be pun-ished for that groaner! 40 lashes with a wet noodle, a pool one so you can take a well earned holiday ;)

Nicely done as usual, oh master of the punchline!

I'm told STFU more times in a day than most people get told in a lifetime

Oh, Poof!

Daphne Xu's picture

Oh, Poof!

-- Daphne Xu

Pun-ishing!

koala's picture

The definition of a really good pun, is when everyone within earshot holds their collective noses and flees screaming from the speaker's vicinity.
Thanks - I needed a good giggle this morning.

Koala

Inside every older person is a young person wondering what the heck happened.

Bru, Nice twist at the end.

Bru, Nice twist at the end. Now dad and son or is that daughter can sit down and talk with each other. I'm just wondering how dad, who is the lead detective on the case is going to come to grips with how he is going to present his offspring to "justice"?

Ummm...

It looks like things have really gone to pot.

<Sigh>

Beoca's picture

Heroine addiction. That pun is just.... I have no words for that.

KIller pun

Thumbs up :)

Oh yes

It brings a whole new meanings to describe a story as having a 'pun-ish-ing' ending!

^_^

Whose worse?

Jamie Lee's picture

Bru dropping the pun bomb was a great twist to the story.

But has anyone noticed there was nothing in that story which gave anyone else permission to follow suit in any posted comment? :-)

Seems every time Bru decides it's pun time, and drops a zinger, it becomes open season for the punsters to have a free for all. :-)

So instead of groaning once, multiple instances of the same word are uttered for each comment which displays the pun skill level of the poster. :-)

Others have feelings too.

Whose right?

Daphne Xu's picture

Whose right is it to decide whether a Bru-pun deserves follow-up pun-ishment? Is it Bru's? Or is it the commenter's?

-- Daphne Xu

PUNCH LINE !

what a fantastic punch line !

I have been laughing for a good 30 mins now !

wish I had your talent at writing .