Two Hours Before the Mast

Printer-friendly version


c81cddbcf1bbf658642fdcc82268c0b9.jpg



The Lady and the Pirate Queen
Were walking hand-in-hand;
They wept like anything to see
if there was a cover band:
"If they play Aerosmith or Boston,"
They said, "it would be grand!"

"The time has come," the women said,
"To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and slips--and depilatory-wax--
Of camisoles--and queens--
And why corsets are so damned hot--
And do Victoria Secret girls really have wings?"

Pirate Invasion, Beaufort, North Carolina….

The two women held hands as they walked up to the bar. The brunette was dressed smartly in pirate garb; albeit as a Pirate Queen with her outfit tailored to display her ample breasts. The blonde was dressed as a lady in waiting; her outfit belying her extra assets. She lowered her face as would be expected of any attendant to royalty; pirate or otherwise.

“What’ll ya have?” The barkeep asked. The Lady looked away; deferring of course to her ‘mistress.'

“Grenadine; Cranberry Juice, and Captain Morgan’s…..arghhh,” the Pirate Queen said; punctuating her order by pounding her fist on the bar.

“That’d be a Jamaican Zombie… sorry, but we’re fresh out of Grenadine.”

“Mayhaps some Malibu Rum n’ Melon Liqueur n’ pineapple juice?”

“Oops… A Blue Ninja? We normally don’t carry Melon Liqueur?” The barkeep smirked. The Lady winced as her mistress squeezed her hand in frustration.

“Surely you have some Blue Curacao n’ Tarantula Tequila?” By now the Queen had abandoned Pirate-speak and was just one more majorly pissed, disappointed attendee at the Con.

“Ah…. A Barking Spider.... Well, we did have the Tequila, but we’re fresh out.” He laughed; his rude smirk leaving the‘pirate more than a little irate.

“Mistress? May I?” The Lady asked softly. The Pirate Queen nodded; authoritatively of course. The Lady stepped close; beckoning the barkeep to draw near with a wave of her hand. The man leaned in.

“Pray thee, oh gentle man to heed my words?” She smiled demurely and he smiled back until a look of frightened recognition overshadowed his face.

“Uh…..”

“Listen, you little prick. If you want to keep your job, quit fucking around and make her whatever she asks.”

“Yehhhh yes, Mister Caputo.”

She shot him a very mean glare, bringing new meaning to the term cross player.’

“Yeh…yes, Your ....Ladyship.”

"Something befitting my mistress, my good fellow?" The Lady reverted to character although the fellow was hardly good. The now- docile barkeep reached under the bar and pulled out a bottle of Lemon Heart 151 and poured it into a glass; adding some Corona Extra... a Tipsy Wench.

The Lady turned to her mistress, resuming her role, which gained a wry smile from the Pirate Queen, who stepped close to her charge. A quick whisper followed by a wry grin left the Lady with every assurance that the close of the evening might very well include a shake-down cruise.

BLACK-SAILS-206-7.jpg
"By the way, Mistress Pirate, where are your Buccaneers?"
up
107 users have voted.
If you liked this post, you can leave a comment and/or a kudos! Click the "Thumbs Up!" button above to leave a Kudos

Comments

A Pirate Queen and a crossdressing bar owner.

This is a delightful little tale, as only you can tell it in your unique 'Drea style, I loved it when the lady in waiting put the not so good smirking barkeep in his place. Nice going and thank you for sharing delightful little romp in to an inn of today.

With confidence and forbearance, we will have the strength to move forward.

Barbara Lynn Terry

"If I have to be this girl ion me, Then I have the right to be."

Little man in the boat

Good one! I'm so naive, I had to look it up, but I'm slow in other ways, too. No rum here, drinking gin tonight. "Two Years Before the Mast" by Richard Henry Dana is a very good book, if you're interested in old sailing ship stuff. No tg in it, but it's very well written.

Nautical but nice

laika's picture

And here's the part our Drea was too much of a lady to add:
"She did so hate having to break character + reprimand the oafish bartender. But later, three sheets to the wind and in the warm sheltering harbor of her boudoir, our lady put her tongue to a more pleasant uses, attending to her pirate mistresses little man in the boat."

Oh gosh! Did I really write such a salty comment?
The white tequila and limeade made me do it!
And why is my tail all curled up like this?
hugs, Veronica

Arrrrrghhhh

Andrea Lena's picture

arrrrrgh,,,,,

  

To be alive is to be vulnerable. Madeleine L'Engle
Love, Andrea Lena

Where Are Your Buccaneers?

joannebarbarella's picture

One on each side of my buccan 'ead, silly!

Oh, so salty! Yo Ho!

Well, this certainly puts a

Well, this certainly puts a new spin on "undercover boss" doesn't it? Definitely one way to find out how your employees are actually doing on the job. Wonder if we will ever see this happen on the TV show, it would be FUN.

Her Buccaneers ????

waif's picture

Any fool can see they are under her Buccan Hat !!!!

Be kind to those who are unkind, tolerant toward those who treat you with intolerance, loving to those who withhold their love, and always smile through the pains of life.

Drea(if I can be allowed the

Drea(if I can be allowed the privilege of calling you that), that was hysterical and sweet. Even catered to the challenges you have a knack for getting us to smile!

I'm told STFU more times in a day than most people get told in a lifetime

"Under my Buckin hat, of

"Under my Buckin hat, of course !
One must always unfurl the sails once in a while.

Karen

to quote my mother "is that

to quote my mother "is that what kids are calling it these days?" ;)

I'm told STFU more times in a day than most people get told in a lifetime

Looks like there is a bunch

Looks like there is a bunch of us buccan ears, maybe enough for a crew ?

Hugs,
Karen

<giggle>

My buccaneers are under my buckin hat??? Wonderful...as always.

Da BrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrratPKB_003b.jpg

Random Solos

Dee Sylvan's picture

I do like this feature of BC. I stumbled upon this Pirate Treasure and I'm glad I did. What a fun dive under the 'buckin' hat. Thanks Drea. :DD TAF

DeeDee