Roland Heights, CA 0600 19SEP16:
Crissie Turner with an elder sister (Elizabeth) and a younger brother (Marty) was an early riser (to get the first shower). She was already dressed, makeup done and ready for breakfast. She could hear her sister taking a shower in the bathroom next to her bedroom. Having a few minutes to kill, Crissie turned on the TV to catch a few minutes of the news:
"Good motioning, I'm Libertie Chan at a Krispy Kreme store in North Hollywood. I'm here with a very pretty pirate named Giselle. Good morning Giselle, so why are you dressed as a pirate?"
"Today is International Talk Like A Pirate Day ". If you stop at one of our Krispy Kreme Stores today and Talk Like A Pirate, we will give you a free donut! If you come in dressed as a pirate we will give you a dozen Krispy Kreme Donuts!"
Munching on her scrumptious donut, Liberte responded "Argh! Ye Scurvy Dogs! Come on down and and grab your booty - a free donut for the talkative and a dozen for the adventurous! I'm Liberte Chan for KTLA News. I'll turn it back now to Sam Rubin for the Entertainment report..."
Crissie quickly snapped off the TV and with a smirk on her face thought "I am so going to use this!"
Going downstairs, she unplugged the TV in the front room and moved into the kitchen. She greeted her mom and proceeded to help finish breakfast. When mom wasn't looking, she quickly unplugged the TV in the kitchen.
Elizabeth came down with Marty close on her heels. Crissie could never figure out how Marty a last minute riser could shower and get ready for school in ten minutes when it took over an hour for Crissie and her sister.
With malicious intent, Crissie asked Eliza if she could take Crissie and her BFFs (Judy and Steph) to the Puente Hills Mall after school. Eliza reluctantly agreed. A very happy Crissie (noticed by all - she usually wasn't that energetic and cheerful this early in the morning on a school day) then steered her attention to the "Dweeb" (her brother). She coyly asked him to join her table at lunch. Sitting at a table with three of the best looking sophomore girls in the school sounded really appealing to a socially inept freshman (even if one them was his bratty sister) so he quickly agreed. Again shifting her attention, she asked her mother if they could take the SUV today. Not planning to go anywhere, Mom agreed without thinking to ask why...
Unplugging both TV(s) proved unnecessary. No one seemed interested in what was on TV. The three siblings soon left for another "uneventful" day of high school...
The morning seemed to take forever for Crissie. Finally, it was lunchtime. Crissie hurried to the Cafeteria and purchased her lunch (or rather what passed for lunch). She then moved outside and quickly grabbed her regular table. You always had to watch out for the seniors, who thought that they were kings and queens and everyone else were mere surfs.
While waiting for her BFFs, Crissie began to poke at her unsavory lunch. Soon, Judy and Steph arrived and sat down. Judy took a look at what Crissie was eating and said "Whatever are you eating?"
"Corned Beef and Cabbage".
"Well, it looks better than the fruit you're eating. It looks like the fake wax fruit my mother has on the dining room table. Are you really going to eat a wax apple? If you throw it at the roof [over the summer, they installed movable solar panels over the outside tables. Most of the High Schools put 'em in the school parking lot], we would have ceiling wax!"
After much giggling, Crissie told her BFFs that they were going to the mall after school with her brother. When she got stares and both girls said at the same time, "With the Dweeb?"
Crissie says "Hey, he's my Brother. Trust me, I have a plan."
"Today is talk like a pirate day. If you go to a Krispy Kreme Store dressed as a pirate you get a dozen free donuts!"
"You're so bad"
"He'll never agree to it!"
"Has my brother ever refused a challenge?"
Suddenly the unsuspecting "Dweeb" showed up and took the empty seat.
"Marty, today is Talk Like A Pirate Day". If you go to the Krispy Kreme store today you get a free donut. If you dress up as a girl pirate you get a dozen free donuts!"
"That sounds like a really great idea."
Noticing that all three girls were staring at him intently looking like pirate kittens about to eat a canary, Marty realized he was the canary about to be eaten!
"Wait a minute! I'm not gonna dress up like a girl! Why don't one of you dress up like a girl pirate?"
"Come on it'll be fun."
"No way. Not now. Not ever!"
"Why not? Guys dress up as girls on Holloween all the time and a dozen Krispy Kremes are way better than a bag of shitty candy!"
"Are you afraid?"
"I'm not afraid, guys just don't dress up as girls."
All three girls bent their elbows and flapped like a bird...
"I am not a chicken!"
Sigh, "Alright, I'll do it BUT no pictures."
Judy responded "Great! I'll pinky swear that I will not take any pictures of you."
"Girls do that. It's a promise you never break."
Judy then kicked of her right heel and did a half split placing her foot right in front of Marty's face. This quickly got the attention of practically every student at the neighboring tables.
"Wrap your little pinkie around my little toe."
Not noticing that everyone in the vicinity was staring at him, Marty carefully wrapped his little finger around Judy's little toe.
Judy then said "I pinky swear that I will not take any pictures."
The other two girls with unnoticed crossed fingers said "We too Marty."
"Eliza will take us to the Puente Hills Mall after school."
That afternoon, the sole topic of conversation outside of class was the extraordinary scene during the most memorable lunch at Roland HS EVER! In class, many whispers... many notes passed...
Between 4th and 5th period, Brad and his henchmen "thing one" and "thing two" caught "the dweeb" at his locker. While "thing one and thing two" held the "dweeb's" arms, Brad said "We don't allow frosh to mess with sophomore girls" and prepared to punch him in the gut. Before he could strike, "thing one and thing two" released the "dweeb" and moved back...
"You got a problem NUM NUTS?"
Tank; six foot one, two hundred pounds of linebacker destined for USC...
"Then make tracks and don't try to mess with that kid again!"
While Brad and his henchman sulked away, Marty turned to face Tank and said "Thanks."
"I don't like bullies who need three to pick on one."
By the end of the day everyone including the teachers heard what happened at the lockers...
After 5th period, Crissie, Steph, and (the now forever notorious) Judy met Elizabeth (a senior) and her friend Kiera outside Eliza's classroom. While they walked to the SUV, Eliza and Kiera were informed of "the plan".
When they got to the SUV, Marty was patiently waiting for his ride. As soon as all six entered the SUV, Kiera said "We need to stop at my place." So, Eliza drove over to Kiera's home. Her parents wouldn't be home for another two hours. Everyone got out. Kiera grabbed Marty's hand and practically drug him into her home with the other four following behind. They walked up the stairs and moved into Kiera's room. Kiera deposited Marty on her bed. She then went into her closet reached for the top shelf and grabbed a pink box. She placed it on the bed next to Marty and walked over to the makeup table, opened the bottom drawer and grabbed a small bottle. Then she picked up what looked (to Marty) like a pencil. She turned towards Marty and said "Take off your shirt."
"No questions, just take off your shirt."
While Marty took off his shirt and dropped it in his lap, Kiera sat down next to Marty and opened the box. She pulled out a pink boob. Marty froze while Crissie said " Why do you have breast forms?"
"The boob fairy came late two years ago."
While Kiera placed the breast form on Marty's chest (Marty was still frozen not being able to believe what was happening) moving the form around until she was happy before marking the location with the "pencil", Judy pulled the other boob out of the box and examined it closely. The other three girls watched totally fascinated at the scene before them.
Judy finished her examination and handed the boob to Stephanie.
"I use a set of "cutlets", but these boobs don't have a plastic cover???"
"They are called PALS. They are not made of silicone, so they don't need a plastic cover. You can place them on the ground and run a car over them without damaging the forms. They are way cheaper and they come with a lifetime guarantee!"
"Awesome! I got to get me a pair!"
"Just google "PALS breast forms" or "supergel products" for the website."
At this point, Marty's brain shuts down. A zombie needing brains is now present...
Finishing up with marking the locations on Marty's flat chest, Kiera grabs the bottle and squeezes a white substance that looks like Elmers Glue on the form and uses the tip to spread the white substance around covering the entire surface of the back of the form. She carefully sets the form down and asks Stephanie for the other form repeating the same process. When finished, she waits and watches the forms until the white substance turns clear. Kiera tells Marty to stand up. The zombie (in need of brains) stands up. While pushing the forms against Marty's flat chest and holding them for a minute, Judy steps closer and wispered something in Kiera's ear. Stepping back, Kiera examines her work. Judy asks "How long will they stay on?"
"If you use TACK IT, until you pull them off or up to three days. If you use Sealing Wax instead, they don't come off EVER! Trying to pull them off if you use sealing wax will rip off the skin - you could bleed to death!"
Judy then looks at the bottle and says " OH SHIT! This bottle is marked Sealing Wax! There is a warning on the label DO NOT TRY TO REMOVE BY FORCE - serious injury can occur!"
"Well, I guess I'll have to see the Girl's Assistant Principal and get my new sister's locker changed. Looks like she will be using the girl's locker room from now on. For now, she can use my extra PE uniform."
Marty closes his eyes and falls to the floor with a thud! Horrified, Crissie cries "Is he okay?"
Judy bends down, examines the body and said "She's ok. She just fainted. Let's pierce her ears before she come too."
When Marti wakes up they help her to her feet. She feels a weight on her chest and somethings dangling from her ears. She doesn't notice Crissie and Stephanie happily snapping pictures with their cell phones (only Judy actually pinkie swore!).
Marti just stands there as a bra is placed over her breasts and fastened behind her back. She meekly picks up her legs one at a time as a skirt is pulled up and her pants are dropped. They help her over to the full length mirror and as see sees her reflection in the mirror the zombie is dispelled...
"What have you done to me?"
"OH MY GOD! I can't wear this skirt it's too short!"
"It's perfect. All High School Girls wear their skirts this short."
"You can't be serious!"
"Totally! It's just the right size.
"She needs a wig. Anybody got one?"
"We can get it at the Costume Shop."
"Then let's go."
"Wait she doesn't have any shoes"
" Forget shoes, she needs black boots."
"You're right. I have the perfect pair let's see if they fit."
Kiera set down the camcorder she had been using (Marty was too stunned to notice) and rummaged through her closet until she found what she was looking for. The tall black boots with a cuff at the top fit a bit tight on the calf, but overall an acceptable fit. The heel
Wasn't too high, so Kiera thought it would be okay.
While Judy and Steph pulled Marti down to the SUV, Kiera followed after picking up her small and concealable camcorder and her Mac Book along with her purse.
While in route to the mall, Marti (sitting between Judy and Steph) received "smoking eyes" and bright red lips from her seating companions. When they arrived at the mall, the party of pirate and escorts quickly made their way to the costume shop which had just opened on Monday. Passing the six foot cloth spider seeking assistance, Crissie found a cute ninja named Vanessa. After being informed of "the plan", Vanessa looked over Marti and noticed she was sufficiently "tented" above the waist, but over "tented" below the waist. She also determined Marti's size. Turning to face Crissie, Vanessa said "One of you must go to the dancewear shop near the theatre entrance and buy at least two white cheer briefs size small." Crissie asked Judy to go get the cheer briefs.
While Judy was on her mission, Vanessa grabbed the sexy pirate uniform, the petticoat, a long blonde wig and the other accessories (including the pirate hat) needed and took Marti in the dressing room. While helping Marti to get in her costume, Vanessa was hit in the head by two pair of white cheer briefs that had come sailing over the curtain.
When Vanessa finally opened the curtain, Marti stepped out to a chorus of gasps followed by the sound of clicks while Judy simply clapped enthusiastically. Five girls and several bystanders were stunned by the beautiful pirate before them.
After Crissie thanked Vanessa for her help, she paid the bill with her credit card (it was her idea) and said "This just cost me two pair of shoes and a dress but it was worth every penny!"
When they left the costume shop and walked thorough the mall back to their car, Crissie, Judy, and Stephanie continually corrected Marti's posture and walk. By the time she got through the mall, she actually stood and walked like a girl. It was as if a zombie had been fed a meal of "girl brains".
As they walked through the mall, people in both levels stopped to stare at the beautiful pirate girl. Women stared...men developed lecherous thoughts...girls turned green and smoke came from their eyes...[I don't have to tell you what happened to the boys your imagination can fill you in on the details]
The six girls (one totally overwhelmed by her fate) left the mall and walked to the SUV (the Krispy Kreme store was at the edge of the parking lot on the other side of the mall).
When they arrived at the Krispy Kreme store, Kiera remained in the car saying she had some important work to complete and pulled out her MacBook.
When Marti entered the store everything stopped and then cell phones came out. Anyone with a phone immediately started snapping pictures (except Judy who remained faithful to the most infamous pinky swear -EVER). They were in the store for some time, as almost everyone in the store wanted a picture with the world's most beautiful pirate.
When they finally got back to the car, they found Keira smirking while watching a you tube video. Keira was careful to make sure that no one else saw what she was watching. As they left the mall, six cell phones began receiving texts...
"Dude, who's the hot chick with your sister?"
"Judy answer your phone we have to talk NOW"
"Babe, Tom just emailed me a picture of you and a really hot chick in a pirate costume. Pizza at seven? Bring your new friend. Tom wants to meet her."
"What the hell are you doing hanging with a hottie cheerleader from another school - that's just wrong. Pick up your
"Sis, can you get me a date with the Pirate Chick?"
"Who's the Pirate Chick?"
"Shit! Who's the tramp?"
"Just saw your new you tube. Totes Adorbs!"
"I'm goona forward your Tube to everyone!"
"Mary forwarded me a picture of you and a pirate chick at the mall, SPILL!"
"Argh! A fine whench ye be trav'ln with"
"Judy Judy Judy get me a date with the pirate chick"
"OMG!!! you've gone viral TWO MILLION HITS! "
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