Robbie's Revelation Chap 7-9

Printer-friendly version

Author: 

Audience Rating: 

Publication: 

Genre: 

Character Age: 

TG Themes: 

Permission: 

Continuation of Robbie's story, as friends, family, and maybe even fate
continue him on his path of discovering who he, or she, really is.

Robbie’s Revelation
Chapters 7 - 9

By Rebecca Jane
Copyright© 2016 Rebecca Jane
All Rights Reserved.

Author's Note: Thank you everyone that is following my story, the feedback is greatly appreciated. I have 12 chapters completed, I am compiling them here 3 chapters at a time until I get caught up to where I am writing currently. Thank you all again, and I hope you enjoy Robbie's Story. ~Rebecca


 
 
Chapter 7
 
It took Jen a second to realized what I had mouthed, once she did both her and her mom came over and joined in our hug. Once everyone had finally stopped their sniffles we all ended up sitting down on the couch, not sure if they thought I was going to run again but I was sandwiched on the couch between Mom and Jen with each of them holding onto one of my hands.

"So what do we do now? I mean have you thought how you're going to break this to everyone, are you just going to show up at school...." Jen starts asking. I can see it in her eyes she's got tons of questions that she is about to blurt out all at once.

"Hang on wait a second!" I blurt out trying to derail her train of thought. "Look I'm still coming to terms with this, I'm not ready to shout out on the rooftops, hey look at me I'm a girl now!" I take a few moments to think how best to say this before I finally speak again. "While I accept I am a girl, I'm still not comfortable with it fully. It's weird, on one hand I'm totally okay sitting here with y'all like this and on the second I'm absolutely terrified of someone else seeing me. I'm just not ready for that yet. I can't thank you enough for helping me this far, today was just me having to see, um, me I guess. Or at least the me that I'm going to be eventually. I'm sorry..." My voice drops off as my emotions start getting the best of me yet again.

"Stop apologizing baby," Mom tells me holding my hand with one of hers and starts wiping the tears from my eyes with the other. "None of us here can imagine what you're going through, what you've been through, we can try but honestly we have no idea. Just know that I love you, we love you," She looks at Jen and her mom, both nodding silently. "Baby however long it takes for you to make that next step is okay, just know that you're going to have to eventually take it. We will all be here to help you when you do."

"Mom, what about Pop? How's he taking this? Since he's not here with you," I say stopping because I'm afraid of what the answer is.

"Sweetie, he's struggling. The thought of losing your masculinity frightens him, as it would any man. Just know that he's afraid for you, he's not ashamed of you. You also know how he hates to admit he's afraid. He's also worried about letting your Dad down, you know he's always tried to do right by Robert for you."

I just nodded my head, still a bit worried though. I know that Pop really respected my Dad, ever since they met in the Army when they were both deployed in the Korean War. They had become really close friends, and after my Dad was discharged and Pop got released from active duty they remained close friends. Pop and his first wife were actually in Dad's congregation after he got ordained. Both my parents and Pop's family remained close, it's one of the reasons Pop and my Mom got married. Dad passed away only 8 months after Pop's wife passed after years of health problems. He and my Mom already had a close friendship, and after both funerals they just sort of connected. Thinking about that close friendship they had, I could understand now a lot of the things that Pop has done from me. It was almost like he was keeping a promise.

Finally, Jen spoke up breaking the silence that had gotten uncomfortable, "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but if you're going to be going to school as Robbie for a bit longer we're going to have to figure out how to hide your eyebrows. Sorry girlfriend there is no way you could pass as a guy with those."

"O crap! O crap!" I blurted out. Panicking I stood up and started pacing, I remembered my first reaction when I saw my face after she had thinned my brows. "I never even thought about that! What are we going to do?" I was about to have a full blown panic attack when Jen stood up and turned me to face her.

"Calm down, we'll figure something out okay!" She sat there examining my face for a minute and I could see the light flash in her eyes, she had an idea. "So do you still have those glasses you wore before you got contacts?"

Remembering them I made a face. "Ugh yeah, I hate those things! They made me look like a reject from a Buddy Holly convention!"

"I was just thinking those frames are thick enough to all but completely hide your eyebrows," she said smiling.

"Ugh no way Jen! You know Pop gets them from the eye place on base since he can "save" some money there. There is a reason they are called BC glasses; you know Birth control glasses," I say still making a face.

Smirking she tries to lighten the mood, and failingly says, "Well since you started several months ago it wouldn't hurt for you to have a bit of birth control," Mine and my Mom's eyes both widen when she said that.

"What!" Mom started to say.

"We will talk about this later this evening, please Mom," I beg. "One crisis at a time is all I can handle."

Jen realizing that Mom had no clue just how much I had truly hidden from them, "I'm sorry I didn't know... You didn't tell anyone? Oh my god Robbie I had no idea you were dealing with that by yourself also," She reached up to hug me, I could see Mom sitting on the couch upset. I decided that this weekend we were going to have a long talk and I'm going to have to tell them everything so these kinds of surprises don't happen again.

"Jen it's okay, we just haven't had the chance to talk about everything. "I give Mom an apologetic look hoping she can tell how sorry I am yet again.

Jen pulls back and says, "Robbie I know you hate those glasses, but they will hide your eyebrows. It will also have another advantage; it will make you look even more different than when you do finally show the real you to the world. Think of it just like a disguise, you know like Clark Kent?" She looks at me hopefully.

"Well yeah, I can see your point but geez Jen I really hate wearing them. Besides Clark Kent was disguising himself from being recognized as superman not from...." I say motioning to the rest of my body.

"You mean Super girl!" Jen says trying to resist giggling.

"Um, well... Um YEAH!" I blurt out trying to stand defiantly. Then I noticed the look of amusement on everyone's face I looked down at how I was standing. Both of my hands were in fists resting on my hips standing there in that dress and heels I looked like I was modeling for a Super girl movie poster. "Oh crap..." is all I said and the room burst out in laughter, after a minute I couldn't help but join in.

So for the rest of the afternoon we just planned, all 4 of us. Due to the time it will take to get the legal and medical documentation to change my birth certificate, and all the other associated things we had decided I would finish out my sophomore year as Robbie, or at least try to. By the end of the summer I should be able to legally and mentally accept my transition before I start my junior year. I know we will have to adjust the plan as everything progresses but at least we had a plan. I was strangely terrified and excited at the same time.

We continued on until early evening, and even with the bizarre conversation I kept getting this strange feeling. It is hard to describe but I could tell that Jen and our moms were treating me differently I couldn't place just how at first. I finally figured it out though, I was no longer a boy in their eyes. They were treating me just like Jen, as a teenage girl. That should have frightened me, but I had been so afraid for so long of being accepted it made me smile softly. I know they had promised to stick with me and that they accepted me, but in the end those were just words. Those unspoken and unconscious actions toward me gave me a sense of peace, enough that I knew that I could do this.

Before we left I changed back into my running gear, thankfully Mrs. Cook had washed it, so we could go home. As I came back down from changing both Mom and Mrs. Cook just smiled. Mrs. Cook then just told me that when I finally was ready to show the world, that she hoped that everyone was ready for me because I was going to blow them away. After a round of hugs and goodbyes Mom and I headed home, me following her in my little rag tag Ghia.

I wish I could say when I got home that it was all hugs and rainbows with my Step-Dad and I, it wasn't but that's okay. Our relationship had never been like that anyway, we talked for a bit and I explained everything to both him and Mom. He seemed to be very analytical about everything, he was after all a chemist by trade and only part time a Colonial in the Army. The only thing he really lectured me about was running away this morning, telling me that running from my problems never worked. It wasn't perfect, but he, I mean we, were trying. That's all I could ask from anyone.

Later that night I was lying in bed thinking about everything when Mom knocked and came in to my room. Gently she sat on the side of my bed, bent down and kissed me on the forehead. She hadn't done this in a long time and it was all I could do to keep from crying happy tears. We sat there for several minutes before she finally spoke.

"I need to tell you something and I think you need to know this." I nodded at her, unsure of what she was about to say. "You didn't know this, but when I was carrying you everyone thought you were going to be a girl. Your grandmother said she just knew it by how I was carrying you, the OBG-YN with his ultrasound, even I just knew you were going to be a girl. We were so surprised when you were born, we had prepared for a daughter and now we had a son. I wanted you to know I love you just as much as a daughter as I ever loved you as a son. Maybe even more so, with everything you have had to overcome. I'm glad you're my daughter baby, always remember that okay."

I just sat up and hugged her. "Mom I am so sorry for making you all worry so much and that I wish I had let you know everything from the start. I love you so much Mom," We sat there and both of us let a few tears flow with her rocking me, finally I had to know so I asked her, "I've been trying to think of a name for when I can't really keep being Robbie anymore. Since you had planned for a girl, what were you going to name me?"

She smiled saying, "We were going to name you after your Dad's Mom, Rebecca," While she had died when I was just a baby I had no memory of her other than stories Dad had told. They were good stories though so I just smiled.

"I like that." I paused for a minute contemplating everything before I continued. "I'm not ready for that right now, but when I am could that be my name?"

"Of course baby." She smiled softly. "You know Robert would be so proud of you, I know he's looking down and smiling," I could only hope he was, I missed my Dad so much. We sat there for a few minutes just lost in the moment, finally she tucked me in like I was six years old again, kissed me on the cheek and said, "Good night and sweet dreams my sweet girl."

When she had closed my door and I finally drifted off to sleep smiling, I'm glad to say I did.

The next day we ended up not going to church, which was odd but Mom had already made plans for the day. She ended up letting me sleep in till 9, she had checked in on me earlier and saw I was sleeping peacefully, which she knew didn't happen often so she let me sleep. She had asked me to help her cook breakfast when she did wake me, saying that omelet I had made the other morning was incredible. So we both cooked and all three of us had a nice, if late, breakfast. While eating she told me her plans for the day, I ended up being just a bit apprehensive of the whole idea but understood why. We were going shopping!! Oh joy...

Truthfully it wasn't that bad, she had only wanted to get me some clothes that actually fit to add what Mrs. Cook had already gotten me, jeans mostly. She had me follow her around and we picked out jeans that were plain and she even had us go around to the guys dressing rooms so I could try them on there. Even though I was really nervous most of the day I enjoyed our bonding. She did catch me looking at some of the really pretty dresses off and on, which I had to explain I was only curious what it would look like on me. It's not like I was wanting to go get all made up and decked out, I had just seen how I could look and the curiosity was starting to get the best of me. Overall though we had a really great day. We ended up picking up some Chinese takeout for supper and had a quiet evening in just the three of us.

Monday morning, I actually was able to sleep in an extra 45 minutes which was strange, but not having to bind and worry about hiding from my parents it was pretty nice to save that time. I still was ready much earlier than what used to be my norm, maybe I can get in an extra 30 minutes of sleep tomorrow. Instead of hiding in my room I actually went out and spent some time with Pop while I helped him with breakfast and talked some. The conversation didn't touch on the subject of me much, but it was at least pleasant. After a nice breakfast with both of them I even left for school early, what was the world coming to.

Arriving at school I was a mix of emotions, I mean I have hated coming to school for so many years for obvious reasons, then the incident two Fridays ago and then the last week was almost pleasant. Then this past weekend's self-discovery or self-acceptance had left me excited and nervous, the rest of my sophomore year isn't going to be boring at all I had a feeling. I had even beaten Jen to class so when she walked in and saw me already in my seat I started laughing when I caught her looking at her watch.

"You running late or something?" I teased her.

"Not hardly, it looks like someone is running awfully earlier than normal. "She told me giving me a mock glare," By the way, the glasses are working great, they are hiding those sexy eyes pretty well," she teased me, getting even for the late comment. I just rolled my eyes and we kept it to small talk until class started. Once Biology was over Jen stopped me for a second. "Hey at lunch come sit at my normal table okay."

"Umm why? Don't you think the other girls might have a problem with that?" I ask.

"Just trust me Robbie, you are my friend and they are my friends also. I really think y'all will hit it off great, they just need to get to know you. Besides when everything happens, you're going to need more than just me as a friend. Just give it a shot okay." She smiled and took off to her next class.

The next three classes went by like normal, well the new normal for me at least. It seems that it had gotten around that I had apologized to Perk and David after our run in and we were all on good terms now. Several people told me that that took a lot of class for me to do and in just over a week my social standing had gone from depressed super nerd, to bad ass super nerd, to now a smart and generally good guy who can be a bad ass. Life is weird, but its high school go figure.

Following Jen's orders, I found myself sitting with her and five of her girlfriends at lunch. Alicia, whom I had already known since I'd moved here in second grade, Michelle, Karen, Robin, and Holly. Alicia had slid down a seat when I got there so I could sit next to Jen with Alicia on my other side. At first the conversation was kind of subdued, I think the girls were trying to just get a feel for me but Jen and Alicia kept pulling me into the conversation. While it was still a bit awkward, it certainly beat sitting alone in my corner table. As we did get up to leave at the end of lunch Alicia did ask if I would sit with them again tomorrow. While Michelle and Robin were still being a bit standoffish, Karen and Holly agreed that I should, so I smiled and said okay.

The rest of the day was as normal as the new normal could be. I was able to get in a good run and workout in after school and made it back home when my parents did. We had a nice quiet night, other than both Mom and Pop had started looking into and telling me what all is going to have to be done to bring Rebecca officially to life. There was so much to do, I just hoped we could finalize it before I started 11th grade.

That's pretty much how my week went, generally people were being nicer to me as a whole and even the bullies were still leaving me alone. While I still saw the girl in the mirror, I no longer felt as if she was haunting me. I have realized that that girl is me now, even behind the thick framed glasses and compression vest she's there. I just keep thinking and trying to tell her, a few more months and you won't be stuck hiding anymore. I also continued sitting at the "girls" table at lunch and was actually becoming decent friends with Karen and Holly, Michelle and Robin though still didn't seem too enthused that I was there every day. Then Jen had a plan on Thursday.

"Hey I have an idea, since we all pretty much have the same classes why don't all of you come over to my house tomorrow and join Robbie and I on our normal study evening. With all of us there we could get help in any of the areas we might be struggling in. What do you all think?" Jen asked.

Several of the girls were immediately interested, they knew that due to our regular study sessions Jen and I were among the top of our class. Michelle and Robin were a bit more hesitant but finally agreed it couldn't hurt, they each needed help in subjects Jen and I excelled at.

"Ok so it's a date!" Jen said excitedly. "If any of you want to, we can make it a sleepover too; my Mom will be cool with it." Most of the girls were excited at that idea.

Robin glared at me and said, "My mom won't let me do a sleepover if there is a guy there!"

"Hey trust me the last thing I'm going to do is sleep over, I'm just there to study. I promise when we're done I'll be headed home," I told her.

That sort of calmed her down and everyone was actually excited and started to plan for the sleepover. Michelle asked, "Hey think we could order some pizzas and rent some movies to watch after we finish studying?" Most of the table was pretty enthusiastic about that idea, although it was Alicia that noticed the face I had made.

"What's that face for? Do you not like pizza?" she asked me slightly surprised.

"No I love pizza, it's just that with only Dominoes and Pizza Hut here to order from all you can get is cardboard with toppings!" I say still making a face. Almost everyone at the table looked at me like I had just grown a second head. Then Jen started laughing.

"Let me guess you make your own pizza too?" Jen teased me.

"Well yeah, duh!" I respond, sticking my tongue out at her.

Alicia looked surprised. "Wait a minute you can cook?" I just nodded, and noticed everyone just staring at me.

"Oh crap! I wasn't supposed to let y'all know that," I said hanging my head down in mock shame. Everyone was quiet and looking confused.

After a few moments Robin asked quietly, "Why did you not want us to know that?"

Slowly I looked up and started smirking. "This past week I've been sitting here, all I've been trying to do is to make y'all not think I was weird or anything."

Most of the table started giggling at that except Robin, she just sat there looking dead at me before she shook her head and started to grin, "Well we all knew you were weird, but I guess that's okay."

It didn't take but just a few moments after that before everyone started asking what all kind of pizzas I could make and what they all wanted on theirs so I ended up grabbing a piece of paper out of my backpack writing down orders. Right before lunch was over, Jen took the list from me and told me she would ask her mom to get all the stuff needed for the pizzas. She then leaned in and whispered, "You did good there with Robin, I told you they just needed to get to know you." She then kissed me on the cheek, smiled, and took off to her next class.

While I was gathering my stuff to head out, Alicia put her hand on my arm and quickly said smiling, "I actually think it's pretty cool that you can cook," She then winked at me and turned and headed out the lunchroom. I sat there for a moment longer and sighed thinking, yup this is definitely not going to be a boring year.

When school ended on Friday Jen rode home with me, after making a quick stop at my house to pick up any extra notes I had and a few items I forgot to mention to Jen for the pizzas, we headed on to her house. We had about an hour and a half till the girls were going to get there which left me plenty of time to get the dough started so it could do its thing and be ready for later. She noticed I had been messing with my shirt, after the first dozen or so times she started looking worried.

"What's wrong Robbie?" she asked.

"It's just that this past week I've been losing the vest right after school and honestly I've gotten kind of used to my boobs not being so confined. They're just really uncomfortable right now is all," I say still tugging at the vest trying to position my breasts a bit better so they would be more comfortable.

She comes up giving me a hug saying, "I wish you didn't have to confine them, I understand why you need to for right now... Do you think you'll be able to make it through the rest of the year?"

"Honestly I don't know," I say trailing off into silence.

Nothing else said we finished up the dough, hopefully we made enough for six pies. On top of all the girls wanting different stuff on their pizza Jen's mom said due to the cost of materials it was going to cost me an extra pizza for her and Mr. Cook, since they were also losing the kitchen and living room for the night.

By 6:00PM all the girls had arrived and we immediately started studying, Jen and I trying to help everyone else in the subjects they were struggling in. Even though I had finished Algebra II last year I spent most of the time helping Alicia with her math. At 7:15 the timer dinged letting me know the dough and yeast had finished doing its thing so I broke off to start prepping the pies. Since Jen and the others were busy stuck in their little groups Alicia followed me into the kitchen to give me a hand. That's what she said at least, she let me do most of the work and just handed me things when I needed them. With the Cook's oven I could only bake three at a time so once the first three were in the oven I started prepping the next three. Alicia got a little more into it on the last batch, but as we worked I noticed that we had slipped into that sort of easy conversation that I've always been able to have with Jen. It wasn't the same as it was with Jen, somehow it was different but it was still pretty cool. I definitely had the feeling that we were becoming pretty good friends by the time the last pizzas came out of the oven.

Once the pies were all done we retreated back to the living room after everyone had stocked up on pizza and drinks. Jen's parents grabbed their pizza and headed back to their bedroom so they could stay out of our way. Alicia sat right next to me on the couch and someone started a movie while we ate. A little after 9PM they paused the movie and they were like sorry but its late and its officially the sleep over and no boys allowed. I actually found myself upset about that, even though I had never really wanted to ever go to a sleep over before. A small part of me wanted to tell them everything just so I could stay and not feel left out all of a sudden, I had been so alone in my self-imposed exile from people I found I was craving the contact now. Sadly, I started gathering up my stuff, each of the girls came up and gave me a hug and thanking me profusely for the pies, even Michelle and Robin.

"You know I'm actually mad at you now," Robin told me frowning. Confused, I looked around trying to figure out what I did and she continues. "You've ruined all the pizza places in town for me, I'll never be able to enjoy them very much ever again," She looks at me seriously, then she forms a small smile and simply says. "Thank you."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it, I'm glad everyone enjoyed it," I told everyone. "Just remember to tip your wait staff next time!" I had to duck a few pillows thrown at me in laughter. I headed to the door with Jen and Alicia right behind us.

Jen hugs me at the door and whispers in my ear, "You were awesome tonight, I wish you didn't have to go though."

"Me either but we both know I can't just yet," I whisper back to her. "I never would have thought I would want to stay at a sleep over before"

She laughs and playfully slaps my arm. "Now get! No boys allowed," I could see though her eyes weren't laughing, I knew just how bad she wishes I could stay as well. Then she notices Alicia right there standing with us.

Alicia said while smiling, "I was just going to walk Robbie out, I wanted to ask him something."

"Okay, just don't stay out there long the movie won't wait for you," Jen told her, but I could see some worry on her face as she looked back at me.

Once outside Alicia stops me and tells me, "Robbie I just wanted to say thank you for the help with my Algebra, and also letting me help on the pizzas. I really had a lot of fun tonight."

I smiled at her, "You are more than welcome, I had fun too."

"I was wondering... umm... I have an Algebra test next Tuesday, do you think you could come over and help me study for it Monday night?" She asked hopefully.

"Yeah sure, you were doing your problems really well tonight, but yeah I wouldn't mind at all." I smile.

Alicia doesn't quite jump for joy, but she does jump up and gives me a huge hug and kiss on the cheek and says, "You are awesome!! Thank you so much" Letting me go, she gives me a small wink and flashes her incredible smile at me. "See you Monday at school."

"Definitely," I tell her. "I'm looking forward to it," I was genuinely smiling happily as I turned to walk to my car. I was thinking how great tonight had turned out, I have cemented my friendships with the girls and it looks like Alicia and I were becoming really great friends as well. Had I not been so blinded to everything around me for the last few years I might have been able to see what was really going on around me. Unfortunately, I walked to my car whistling happily, completely oblivious to the curve ball I was about to be tossed.
 
 
Chapter 8
 
Leaving Jen's house my good mood left quickly, I started to think how it made me feel to have to leave. I was starting to feel like I was becoming part of something spending time with the girls, but just as quickly I was reminded I was still an outsider. I might always be an outsider once everyone knows. My mood just kept falling and by the time I walked in the door, Mom immediately noticed something was wrong. I guess it was true how everyone tells me just how expressive my face is.

"Sweetie what's wrong?" she asked pretty concerned. After all that has come out the past few weeks, I've noticed her keeping a much closer eye on me and my moods. I told her to let me get out of my compression vest first and I'll be right back. A few minutes later I come back into the living room dressed in one of my sleep shirts that Jen had given me, it was a dark purple color and came down to just above my knees. I sat down on the couch tucking my legs up under me, which my mom noticed and I caught her smiling.

"What are you grinning at?" I asked. With her, there was no way of knowing exactly what to suspect.

"Just the way you are sitting, at times it looks like you've always been a girl is all. Maybe its just the imagination of an old woman. Who knows? Seriously what was bothering you when you came in?" She asked

I shrugged, "Tonight was really fun, even studying with the Jen and all the girls. Even with them putting me to work cooking, I enjoyed spending time with them and when I was told to go since it was "officially" the sleep over and no boys were allowed, I really, really didn't want to leave. A very large part of me wanted to blurt out the truth, just so I could stay with them. I know it wouldn't be that easy... I wish it was though."

"How do you think the other girls will respond when you do decide to tell them?" she asked.

"Honestly I don't know... I mean I hope they would accept me as easily as Jen, I guess that's her point in having me try to become close friends with them. I understand that... It's just so hard right now... Moments like now there is a a part of me that wishes I could just go back to the way I was a few week ago." I start whimpering.

Getting up and coming to sit next to me on the couch she says, "No baby I don't think you mean that. Just look how far you've come in just a few weeks." She puts her arms around me in a hug.

"But then at least I wouldn't be hurting like this," I say as I lean into her shoulder crying.

"I know it feels that way now sweetie, but you were hurting so much worse before. You just couldn't see it, those that love you could though.," She whispers and she holds me while I let my frustrations out. We sit like that for a while until she tucks me in bed. She simply said as she was closing my door, "This too shall pass, I promise."

I got up early the next morning so I could go on my normal Saturday morning run before the "event" Jen and our moms had planned for the day. I spent at least twenty minutes just staring into the mirror comparing my reflection to a picture of me from a year ago. I was trying to see what had changed, other than my eyebrows. I was having a hard time seeing the boy I thought I had been, even in the older picture. Finally, I finished getting ready and headed out, borrowing Mom's car. We had decided that since my run on campus the other day, it would be good for me to keep running there where people wouldn't be likely to recognize me. I was having more and more of an aversion to my compression vest and honestly I was preferring to keep my breasts in a sports bra than smashed down... My car, the Ghia, while a cool little car, it was the only one like it I've seen since we've lived here. Mom's white Taurus though was a dime a dozen and if she didn't need it I would take it for my runs. I quickly found that I enjoyed running around campus than my normal tracks, since I didn't have to try to keep my Robbie disguise up. It was strange that the person that I thought I had always been was starting to feel like that, simply a disguise.

I had a good run though, I found that I had quit pushing myself so hard and my runs were becoming more and more enjoyable... The thought that I have had to push myself so hard so I could "punish" my body for its betrayal wasn't quite there as much anymore. The only thing that was new I was having to deal with was the guys that would see me and try to keep up so they could "chat" with the short haired girl with the hot body. The first time it had happened it had freaked me out a lot, I was so panicked I just took off in a full sprint and left the guy in my dust. So far its happened several times during each run, and I got less and less surprised and realized I could make it a game. I've heard just what guys actually say behind women's backs having grown up on that side of the gender divide so I thought maybe I could get a little revenge for my new gender. Today was going to be no different as this really muscular guy was trying fairly hard to gain on me. I didn't realize it at first, but I actually slowed my stride just a tiny bit to make it easier for him to catch up. Like I said, this has become almost a game to me. I knew what I looked like, and I knew that guys were going to respond, so why not make it into a game. It made sense to me at the time at least.

"Hey what's the hurry there sweetheart? Are you new around campus? I haven't seen you running around here before," the new guy asks, slightly winded already, when he catches up with me finally.

"No, I'm not new," I say flashing him a quick smile, "I'm from Starkville I just started running on campus though. The scenery is much better than the tracks I've been running on." I knew what I meant, but he didn't obviously. He grinned and tried to puff up his chest a bit showing off. I adjusted my stride to get about 5 more paces a minute, he adjusted to keep up but it was minor enough I don't think he noticed.

"I'm a senior here in engineering, name's Bill." He smiled at me and tried to stick his hand out to shake mine, it was kinda creepy and goofy at the same time. I just looked at his hand and giggled.

Since I couldn't tell him my legal name at the moment I say, "Rebecca, and I'm just a lowly sophomore." I step it up a few more paces a minute, smiling at him. He was a big guy and I know he was already struggling to keep the pace, but I just wanted to see how far he would push himself. I was trying to keep from laughing, but couldn't hide my amusement which I'm pretty sure he mistook my smiling at him.

Really starting to sound winded he pants out, "Rebecca you didn't tell me what you're majoring in?"

"I know I didn't." I barely get out; I'm getting so tickled.

"Hey why don't we meet up later tonight, maybe have some drinks and dinner?" He barely gets out between his heavy panting. He's also starting to slow down; I knew all that mass couldn't keep up for long.

I spin around and run backwards for a second and say giggling, "Maybe when I told you I was a sophomore I should have elaborated, in High School." He stops, looking stunned and trying to catch his breath. "Bye, Bye Bill, it was nice running with you." I spun around and didn't look back. That was just too damned easy.

When I pulled in the carport I saw Mrs. Cook's car, crap they got here earlier than expected. Walking in the door I immediately started getting fussed at by three women at once, still tickled from my experience on the run this morning I couldn't help but laugh when I said I would rush in the shower. Fifteen minutes later I was drying off in the shower and in my room and had barely got my panties on when Jen burst into my room.

"Was you run that fun this morning?" She asked trying to figure out why I was still amused. I told her the quick version of the game I have started playing on my runs. "So you're having that much fun flirting with guys?"

Stunned at that last question I stammer out, "But, but... I'm not flirting, it's just a game! They are going to try to hit on me no matter what, I thought instead of running from them like they were an axe murderer like I did that first guy; that I should try to "play the part" you know. It's just a game..." I drift off starting to wonder. Am I flirting? That's what the guys think, I know.

"Rebecca!" She all but shouts pulling me out of my thoughts. "There you are I called you Robbie three or four times with no response. Hmm, well whatever you are doing just promise me that you will be careful. Some guys might have a hard time taking no for an answer."

I couldn't help but laugh at that. "Not much they could do about it, so for the meatheads that have tried could barely keep pace for ¾ of a mile and I was taking it slow. They couldn't catch me if they wanted to."

"Well maybe not, but just be careful." With that she started handing me an outfit. "Remember the deal for today, you are and will be Rebecca so you can start trying to act and respond like a girl would. That means you will dress and act the part.," she grins evilly.

"Yes mother," I sarcastically reply. I am not looking forward to this, I'm regretting that I agreed to today. Our plan is to take "Rebecca" shopping for most of the day, including dinner before we come back home. Since we couldn't do it here without someone probably recognizing me with Mom, we are headed to The Galleria in Birmingham. It's almost a threehour drive so that's why we were planning to leave at around 10AM. Resigned I put on the capris, with the sleeveless top cut just low enough to show off some cleavage and my locket. After another twenty-five minutes of Jen putting makeup on me we are loaded up in her Mom's car and headed out almost an hour and a half earlier than I had expected. It's going to be a long day.

The drive was actually fun; I'm glad Mrs. Cook is driving her car and not Mom. Look, I love my Mom to death but there is only so much I can take of the Rogers and Hammerstein's musicals she has on cassettes and will eventually wear out. We laugh and joke most of the trip, my first public outing, outside of my exercising, occurs in Tuscaloosa where we make a pit stop. Some guy close to our age comes up and starts trying to talk to me while we were in line to get our drinks. My first reaction was to run away; Jen wouldn't let me. I don't even remember to this day if I gave him an intelligent response I was so horrified. The rest of the trip was spent with all three of them trying to get me out of the funk that encounter put me in.

When we finally got to the mall, I was in a bit better mood and I had resigned myself to play this just like the same game I played when running. I could do this. Another purpose to this trip was to get me fully fitted for some bras and not just wear ones we "guessed" would be a decent fit. At first I was horrified, but then the curiosity I had felt shopping with mom for jeans last week had started to pique up. Then I started to at least not have a horrible time, then we broke for lunch at the food court. Jen wanted to sit by ourselves away from our moms, I thought so we could have a private conversation, which was partly true. What she didn't let me know though, was that there were two guys that had been talking with her while I was stuck in the fitting rooms. While her and I were talking about how the day had gone so far, these two guys show up asking if they could sit with us. Before I could do anything from the surprise though she agreed, the taller of the two sitting next to me and smiling profusely.

"Hi I'm Trey," he says smiling and reaching out to shake my hand. Stunned I can barely say my name and letting him taking my hand in his. "Hi Rebecca, it's a pleasure to meet you. Hope you don't mind but we were talking to Jen earlier and she said to meet y'all here."

Glaring at Jen I said, "That was really nice of her, wish she would have let me know." Starting to get over my shock I remembered it's just a game, the guys are playing their own game anyway. "Sorry Trey, you two just caught me off guard is all. So, what are you guys doing out at the mall today." I flash the best most amazing smile I could at him, one I'd actually started practiced it in the mirror before going on my runs. I could see that for a second my turnabout surprised him, but he recovered quickly. The way Jen was looking at me, she was having a harder time recovering than Trey. I couldn't help but giggle at her, silly Trey thought I was giggling at a lame joke he told. I actually realized that I was sort of having fun, I mean I wasn't the least bit interested in either of the two guys but it was fun interacting with them.

The rest of the lunch went along well, after Jen got over the shock of my sudden change in personality she started having fun too. Occasionally I would notice her give me an odd look over something I said or did, finally our Moms came to our rescue and we had to go back to shopping. We said our goodbyes to the boys and they quickly handed us their numbers on a napkin, I just giggled and stuck it in my purse when we walked away. Jen whispered to me that we have to talk when we get home.

Rest of the afternoon actually went pretty well overall, I got several outfits I can wear when I'm ready for a Rebecca outing, and we even had a nice dinner at Red Lobster in Tuscaloosa on our way home. I almost felt sorry for our poor server, I had forgotten to quit playing the "game" so to speak. Of course, I really enjoyed all the looks of surprise I kept getting from both our Mom's and Jen. It was too late for Jen to have a talk with me when we finally got home, she promised to come over tomorrow after church though.

Mom came in to tuck me in after I was able to get all my makeup off of me, I started thinking I'm too old for her to be doing this but honestly I didn't mind. I had missed this closeness we had had from before and wasn't ready for her to stop doing it..

"I'm proud of you for today. As the day progressed you started opening up and honey it was amazing to watch you start to blossom.," She smiled, while she wasn't crying I could see how her eyes were glistening though that she wasn't far from it.

"Mom, I won't lie. I was scared to death at first, then I started treating it like a game. I was trying to see just how much like a girl I could act, I was mostly starting it to mess with those two boys...," I trailed off thinking for a minute. "Then towards the end of the day I was having a hard time turning the act off. Thank you for talking me into today, it was a really good day. I love you Mom." I finished while I hugged her.

"Baby I'm starting to think that just maybe it wasn't an act at all... Guess we will have to see how things keep going okay. Sweet dreams baby girl, I love you too." She left and turned off the lights and before I knew it I was out like a light.

The next morning, I got up with every intention of going to church, but after my shower and starting to get dressed I got to the point of putting the vest on and I started to get really depressed. Mom came in to check on me and found me sitting on my bed sobbing. I had my jeans on and was holding the vest, I just couldn't bring myself to put in on.

"Baby what's wrong?" she immediately sat down trying to console me.

"Mom..." I managed between sobs. "I just can't do it this morning. I don't want to wear this thing." I all but shouted and threw the damned thing across my room. Which only caused me to start up my tears in full force.

"Baby... I don't know what to tell you, I'm willing to give taking Rebecca to church a chance if you want to," she says carefully.

That totally surprised me, I started to look up at her hopefully but then I realized the problems it would cause if we did that before we were all ready. "Thank you for that, but no. Can I just stay at home today? Please! I need to work on getting my mind back in the right place for school tomorrow, it's just too early to do that just yet." I told her, not wanting to believe my own words but I was trying to.

After church Jen caught a ride home with my parents and they found me out in the back yard working on the Ghia. My window regulators had finally come in so I was installing them so I could finally retire those vise grips I had to use to roll my windows down back to the tool box. I had already finished my passenger side and was working on the drivers when Jen came out back.

"Hey how are you doing? Your Mom told me what happened this morning, I was just a bit worried when I didn't see you with them at church." She asked sitting down in the passenger seat.

I think I'm doing okay, well better than I was this morning. Maybe coming out here doing something manly is helping," I joked.

She laughed telling me, "Sorry to disappoint you but with those boobs sticking out of that tank top you are going to be hard pressed to do anything remotely manly."

Joining her in her laughter, I responded, "That is probably a true statement, but that's why I brought this thing back here so no one would see me. This morning was just really hard after what all happened yesterday." She just nodded.

I proceeded to tell her what I had told mom, about how the act started feeling too normal. We talked about yesterday and everything that had happened while I finished putting my door back together. We talked for several hours until her mom showed up to pick her up. We hugged and I told her I'd see her in Biology tomorrow, well then I corrected myself. Robbie will see her there.

Later that evening while we were eating dinner, Pop cleared his throat and told me, "Rob... I mean Rebecca." He started to smile at me. "I'm guessing that we need to revisit the deal with that car."

"Huh what do you mean?" I said surprised.

"Well now that you've started, to well, umm.... Be who you are." I could tell he was having a hard time getting it out but he continued, "I was thinking that maybe we could see about getting you a newer car and finally get rid of the Ghia.

For a second I was excited, I mean a new car. Well new to me at least. "Really!!" I said excitedly, but just as quickly I started to think about the history of that old VW. My look of excitement completely disappeared. I mean that old car has been in the family longer that I have been, I mean my Dad had bought it right before they found out I was on the way. He had gotten it for next to nothing due to it had already been wrecked. By the time he had gotten it drivable I was almost ready to start walking. I vaguely remember "helping" him when he worked on it handing him tools and stuff like that. I couldn't bring myself to get rid of it.

Seeing my downcast face Pop said, "What's wrong? I thought you would be happy with something different."

"Pop, thank you for the offer, but I can't get rid of it. It was Dad's." That's all I could get out.

Nodding in realization he told me, "I understand, but instead of you doing all the work maybe we can start taking it somewhere to get it fixed up."

"I'd rather not, could we just keep the agreement we had. I like working on it, I'm good at it. Besides I feel closer to Dad when I'm tinkering on it." I said softly, wiping some tears that had formed.

He sadly smiled, "You know you are so much like him, even with, umm, everything you've been going through. I see him in you all the time. I understand why you want to keep the agreement the way it is, but I will have to change it some. If you can get all the prep work done on it by summer I'll pay to have it painted for you before you, and I mean the real you, goes back for your junior year."

Excitedly I jumped out of my seat, "Really!!!" That would be awesome!!" Before thinking about how we weren't exactly into expressing emotions with each other, I leaned in and gave him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. "Thank you Pop, I'll get it ready. I promise" I could feel my new tears running down my cheeks.

"I know you will honey. I do know one thing. Robert would be so proud of you," he told me softly while I hugged him. "Because I know just how proud I am." Then he kissed me on the cheek and Mom came over and joined in the family hug.

Later that night I was lying in bed after being tucked in by Mom and Pop this time and all I could think of was how lucky I was. Not that I became a girl, but for the people who I had who were close to me. I'd never have made it this far without them. To keep from letting them down and disrupting all the plans we've made I do have to do one thing. Tomorrow is Monday and I, well Robbie, has to go to school. It's time for me to get my game face on.
 
 
Chapter 9
 
I ended up not sleeping very well and therefore I was up earlier than planned, that suited me just fine though. It gave me plenty of time to accomplish what I needed, so I could prepare for the day as Robbie. It was still hard getting myself to put on the vest, but our plan, not mine, counted on me holding my end of it of it up. This was necessary until we got all the legalities out of the way. Looking in the mirror after I got dressed I could still see me, even behind the glasses and polo shirt. I guess though that old adage that people see what they expect to see holds true, I was expecting to see Rebecca now and not Robbie. Now I just hope it holds true for everyone at school. My hair, which was still kind of short for a girl, was starting to look just a bit shaggy for "old me" now. Taking some of Jen's advice I applied some hair gel hoping it would keep it laying down enough to hide the length some. Not seeing anything out of place I go start preparing to make breakfast. Since I did get up so early why not make it easier for Pop this morning.

I was only about a third of the way through making the giant omelet when he came in and surprised me by putting his hand on my shoulder. When I turned he gently gave me a soft hug.

"Morning, how are you holding up so far?" he asked me.

"Pretty good I guess, since I was up early I thought I'd give y'all a hand," I replied shrugging my shoulders. "This is harder than I had thought it would be, but I can do it."

"Well maybe you won't have to do this as long as we had initially planned, as it turns out we have all of the medical paperwork required already done, so it's just the legal aspects. We can expedite everything as quickly as possible so you don't have to keep up this charade as long as we originally planned."

"How long?" was all I could ask.

"I talked to a friend at the courthouse, remember Gene? He used to be in my unit before he retired. He said we can get the paperwork filed in the next week to edit your birth certificate, would take a bit over a month maybe two tops. As far as your name change he said we could have that done in a few weeks. So hopefully just before Christmas, I thought that would make an excellent present for you," he said smiling.

I felt my eyes start to water so I grabbed him in a hug. "Thank you that would be awesome."

After a minute, he chuckled, "Not that I mind the hug, but your omelet might be burning," I just let him go and nodded. I turned away wiping the tears that had formed and gave our breakfast the attention it needed.

"Hey blackened works for fish and chicken, why not for an omelet?" I managed to joke. He just smiled and chuckled softly while he was starting his coffee maker.

A bit later when we were all sitting down eating our chargrilled omelet Mom smiled at me and said, "I take it he told you what we had discussed yesterday?" I nodded afraid of talking and getting too emotional again. "Okay so I take you are in agreement that this would be best?" I didn't know if this would be best, but I honestly didn't know if I could manage being Robbie for the rest of school year. I nodded yes. Moods were high and we were all excited enough that it didn't even matter that our breakfast was slightly burned.

When I walked into Biology that morning, I found Jen already sitting in her seat, I smiled and told her good morning. She looked a bit surprised to find me in such a good mood.

"Morning, I was worried about how you would be doing this morning. It looks like you're doing pretty good though," She smiled.

"Yeah my parents told me some really good news this morning, I think it's really good news at least," I told her smiling. "I'll fill you in later okay?" She nodded so we talked about random stuff until class started.

At lunch, all of the girls got up and gave me a hug, even Robin who so far had been the hardest to win over. It was a huge change from the first time I sat here with them. I did notice some of the guys in the lunch room giving me some nasty looks though, they probably couldn't figure out how I had gotten accepted at this table so easily. The conversation was mostly about how much fun they had Friday night and that they needed to do it again. I tried to smile and look like I wasn't bothered but Jen could see my expression and was nice enough to change the subject to something less frustrating for me. As we were all headed back to class Alicia did flash me that gorgeous smile of hers and confirmed I was coming over tonight to study. When I told her of course she hugged me and said she will see me at 6. The rest of the day was just regular boring school stuff. I did finally get to talk to Jen about the news my parents had given me this morning when I drove her home, which was becoming the norm. Jen looked excited and worried about at the same time.

"I'm glad they can do it quicker, and I know that you're having a hard time being, well the old you I guess. Have you figured out how you're going to let the school know? Are you ready for that?" she asked.

"Honestly? I don't know if I'm ready for like the whole world to know, but I do know I really don't think I can keep up this charade up until summer. It's just gotten so difficult to put on this," I say, motioning to myself.

She nods and softly smiles, "Okay, well you know I'll help out in any way I can. You do know that if you're going to do this earlier than we need to try to acclimate you quicker to being out in public here. Going to Birmingham or Jackson is going to take more time than you really have now."

"I hadn't really thought about that," I tell her drifting off into thought.

"Let me talk to my Mom and we can see what we can come up with okay?" she tells me.

"Okay, just don't throw me too far out in the deep end too quickly. Please," I tell her, I'm terrified and strangely curious. I mean I'm not "hiding" per se running on campus, but I am in a way. We end up at her house going over our biology until it's time for me to head to Alicia's.

Giving me a hug she whispers, "Be careful okay."

"Hmm okay, we're just going to be studying," I reply.

"I hope you're right," she says so softly I almost didn't hear her. Driving over to our study session I kept trying to figure out what she meant, eventually I just ended up thinking she was talking about me and hiding my secret.

Arriving at Alicia's about 10 minutes early, her parents welcomed me in and told me how much they appreciated me helping her with Algebra. Now don't get me wrong Alicia is a pretty smart girl, from our previous study session I really didn't think she needed my help. If she felt she needed it I was glad to help her out, as she was quickly becoming a really good friend to me. When she came down a few minutes later I noticed she had changed out of what she was wearing at school today, she looked really nice. She had changed out of her jeans and knit top to a skirt and blouse, still nothing set off any alarms with me yet.

"Wow! You look amazing! I feel just a bit underdressed now, I thought we were just studying." I smiled when I saw her.

"Oh this? It's really nice of you for noticing, but can't a girl just dress nice for no reason?" she said flashing that killer smile again.

"Uh, sure I guess so," I said, starting to feel a bit uncomfortable. It finally started sinking in that something wasn't exactly right with this situation. Doubting myself though I tried to push that thought out of my mind.

"Ready to get started?" she said, motioning to the couch where her algebra book and stuff was already sitting.

Maybe nothing out of the ordinary was happening and I was just imagining things, it wasn't the first time I would have been wrong about a situation. Nodding I plopped down on the couch and said, "Sure where do you want to start?"

Sitting down we both started going over the areas she claimed she was struggling with. We had been going for about forty minutes when her parents came back downstairs. They were dressed really nice and looked like they were preparing for a night out.

"Wow! Where are you two headed looking all fancy?" Alicia asked them.

"Honey don't you remember that your Dad had that business dinner tonight. I'm sure we told you last week," Her Mom said.

"Oh I do remember you mentioning that now, I forgot it was tonight though," she said innocently.

Her father looked at me for a moment curiously for a moment before he said, "Well we've got to go otherwise we'll be late, you two behave yourselves," He still was giving me a strange look. I was trying to decide if he saw something about "Robbie" that was a bit off, or if he was sizing me up to be safe around his daughter.

"Not a problem sir," I told him, grinning I added, "Maybe you should tell that to the Algebra, its being really rough at the moment," He gave me that odd look for a few seconds and then realized I was joking and with that they were out the door.

Alicia just sat there for a moment flashing that smile again, the one she's been flashing at me for the past few days. I started getting that odd feeling again, still thinking it was just my imagination I shrugged it off. Trying to get back to the task at hand I just said, while holding out the algebra book, "So, where were we?"

She looked at the book and scooted just a bit closer and pointed at one of the problems. "Here I think." We started back up and while she had appeared to be having problems earlier now she was doing great, hell she was doing better than great. She was working the problems almost as quickly as I could. Finally, after almost fifteen minutes of this that odd feeling was getting stronger before I finally had to ask her.

"Alicia, what's going on. You looked like you were needing some help at first, but now..." I said unsure how to phrase the next part of the question.

She scooted just a bit closer smiling at me. "Maybe it's just that you are that great of a tutor." She picked up the book out of my lap and sat it behind her on the couch.

"No I'm not Alicia, what's going on?" The whole scene was just now starting to make sense to me, but I still couldn't figure out how it involved me. I mean I had been labeled a nerd, or geek or even a nerdy geek for several years, there is no way what I was starting to think could be the truth.

"How long have we been friends Robbie? Since you moved here in the 2nd grade, right?" She asks.

I nodded. "That sounds about right, why?"

"I know that you and Jen were always better friends, she is just a friend, right? I mean you two aren't like an item, are you?" she asks.

"What? No! Of course, we're not dating, she's been my best friend for years. That would just feel weird," I blurt out. That seems to make her smile even bigger and she scoots up even closer.

"You probably never even knew it, but I had a huge crush on you when we were in like the 5th grade, but you and Jen were always together. I never thought I had a chance," she said softly looking down at her lap.

"What? I didn't know that... Jen and I were and still are only best friends. Why are you telling me this now?" I ask fearfully. I'm afraid of what she is about to tell me, and at the same time my heart was starting to race from excitement.

"Look I've always liked you, even when you started going through.... Whatever it was that you were dealing with. You started looking so sad and then you were wearing all that baggy stuff like you were trying to hide from the world. Then the past few weeks, whatever was bothering you seemed to start going away. You started coming out of your shell, and I started to see who I had that crush on again," She told me very softly, when she looked up I could see tears forming.

"Alicia... Why me though? I mean you could have any guy you wanted, why me?" I softly demanded. I had never had to face a conversation like this, and honestly never imagined I would ever have to.

"Robbie, you've always been like this super smart guy, but I never once thought of you as a nerd. You were funny and always easy to talk to. You also treated me like a person, always. Not like any other of the guys. When you would talk to me you would actually listen and always look me in the eyes and not just stare at my boobs. Robbie, you are one of the sweetest guys I've ever known," she said softly as she stared at me hopefully and gently clasped my hand in hers.

Stunned I could barely reply, bowing my head I said softly, "Alicia, but... I mean look, I think you are amazing but I can't... I mean I know what you might think but I'm not... I'm well not a..," I couldn't say a guy for the life of me, I wanted to tell her. The last thing I would want to do is hurt her, I did like Alicia she was a great person. I had never thought of her, or anyone like that though, so I just sat there stammering for a few seconds unable to look up at her.

I felt her get a bit closer, but I was trying to think of just what to say when I felt her hand lift up my chin. As I started to look up at her I realized just how close she was when I felt her lips touch mine. My first thought was to make her stop, but my body just froze as she kissed me, softly, tentatively at first. It was so soft and nice. It immediately made my body feel all warm and tingly and it felt so good I didn't want to stop. Not listening to my brain, I felt myself lean in just a bit and kiss her in return. Since I had never ever kissed anyone other than my parents when I was little, I didn't know just exactly what to do. My body did though, it returned the kiss softly at first than with more feeling. I gently raised my hand and caressed her cheek when the tingling that was quickly covering my entire body hit something more, umm intimate. That snapped my mind back into control, and I quickly stood up and took a step back looking at her. My knees were weak and I was still trying to process what had just happened.

"Alicia... Wow... I never intended..." I was stammering and not making any sense, I reached up and touched my lips, I could feel and taste her lipstick on me. Looking at her I could see that my reaction had hurt her and it crushed me. I felt myself starting to cry, I said to her "Alicia, I'm so sorry. God I'm sorry. I wish I could... I mean I wish you and me could... I can't!!" The tears were falling pretty freely at this point so I turned from her to hide the fact I was crying...

"Robbie what do you mean you can't? Why can't you? Don't you like me?" she said, the hurt evident in her voice. She grabbed my shoulder, turns me back towards her and sees just how much I am crying. Really looking confused now, she continues, "Why are you crying? Robbie what's wrong? Talk to me!"

Sniffling I tell her, "I never in a million years would ever want to hurt you, but Alicia you and I can only be friends. I wish we could be more but it wouldn't be fair to you..," My voice just drifts off at that point and I look down at my feet.

Suddenly a look of realization comes across her face. "Oh My God!! Are you telling me you're gay? That would make so much sense!!" She blurts out.

"What no! I'm not gay!" Then it hits me I'm technically a girl who just really enjoyed kissing another girl, maybe I am. Do I like guys? So far I haven't been attracted to any. Then the words "I don't think so" slip out of my mouth.

"What? You don't think so? I mean don't you know who you're attracted to? What the hell Robbie?!?!" she shouts at me, her anger rising.

"Alicia!!! Stop for a minute!! Give me a second to get this right, I don't want to fuck it up like I have everything else..," I tell her tears still streaming. Still really angry she just nods and says okay. After a few moments, I regain most of my wits and resume trying to talk to her. "Alicia first you have to understand; I have never let myself think about something like that. I've known that I could never be with anyone like that... So, I refused to ever consider anything along those lines," I had to stop talking, as my body started to shudder with my crying.

A bit, and only a bit, softer she says, "Robbie what do you mean you could never be with anyone? That's bullshit, you're a pretty amazing guy," That only set my crying off even worse.

"No I'm not!" I manage to get out between sobs. "I'm really not."

"Robbie yes you are!! Quit acting like you're not amazing..." she starts to say.

"BUT I'M NOT A GUY!!!" I almost shout. Quickly realizing I'm about to blurt out my secret to her, the fear sinks in and I add, "not really", in barely a whisper. I noticed then that I have backed into the wall, I didn't realize that the whole time I had been backing away from her and she had steadily been trying to stay closer.

She gently puts her hand on my arm and with her other hand lifts my face to meet hers. "What do you mean you're not really a guy? What are you talking about?" Her anger has pretty much faded and been replaced by concern and maybe curiosity.

Looking directly into her eyes I decide to tell her part of the truth; I can't bring myself to tell her everything yet. "Alicia... I was born with a birth defect... I was born without... Umm... without testicles... We found out when I was around twelve... I'll never develop as a guy... I'll never be able to perform like...Someone like you would want me too... I..," I can't say anymore because I totally break down and slide down the wall until I'm sitting on the floor.

Alicia sits down and puts her arms around me and just holds me until I eventually cry it all out. Finally, I'm able to look at her again and say to her, "Alicia. I'm sorry... I.."

"Shhh Robbie, it's okay. That really doesn't change the fact that I still like you," she said as she softly kissed my forehead.

"Alicia, I like you too. The last think I'd ever want to do is hurt you, but I just can't be that... You deserve someone who's whole. I still feel like I'm only half a person..." I say drifting off.

She just sadly smiles and stands up offering me her hands, which I take and she helps me to my feet. She leads me into the kitchen and starts cleaning the tears off my face with a clean hand towel. Fixing us both a Coke, we end up sitting in the kitchen for a bit just lightly touching on what I told her earlier. About half an hour later I think I had calmed down enough to drive and as she walks me to the door she stops me right at the door.

"Robbie, I know what you've told me and you're not ready. I honestly don't think I care about you saying you can't... well you know," she says blushing. I smile gently at her looking her directly into her eyes and she continues, "While I haven't kissed that many guys, I do have to say that you by far are the best I've ever kissed," She gently giggles at that comment.

"Well you are definitely the best that I've ever kissed," I tell her smirking.

She playfully slaps me on the arm and teases back, "Well from what you've said I'm the only one you've kissed. Seriously though, until you are ready I want to leave you with one thing."

Confused just a bit, I nod and say, "Okay what?" Expecting her to hand me something she stands on her tip-toes and lays another kiss on me, my mind being shocked again freezes but my body reacts and returns the kiss. I am unable to regain control of my body until her leg softly slides between mine and had she not had me pressed against the door my legs would have caved on me at that very moment, the sensations were that intense. Breaking the kiss, I look down at her and she's got this smile plastered on her face, it's a mix of mischief and contentedness.

"Whenever you're ready, you just remember what's waiting for you okay," she tells me, almost in a dreamlike state. Then she opens the door leaning on it and watches me as I walk out to my car. It took every bit of self-control I had to be able to make it to the car with my legs feeling like Jell-O. Trying to drive home with my shaking and trembling legs was yet another challenge, having an old manual transmission wasn't helping either. I could never remember ever feeling like this, on top of my legs my entire body felt strangely warm and tingling all over and I mean ALL over. I couldn't sit still in my seat for the life of me. As I was fidgeting while sitting at a red-light I couldn't help but notice all the stars were out. I looked up towards the heavens and I could swear I could feel the universe's amusement at my situation.

I gently shook my head and muttered. "At least I hope you're having a good chuckle at this." The light turned green and I continued on my way home.
 
 
To Be Continued in Part 10.
 

Readers, Please Remember to Leave a Comment

Want to comment but don't want to open an account?
Anyone can log in as Guest Reader -- password topshelf to leave a comment.

up
347 users have voted.
If you liked this post, you can leave a comment and/or a kudos! Click the "Thumbs Up!" button above to leave a Kudos

Comments

Excellant

Rebecca

I love the story worked around real life situations of Robbie/Rebecca and given the setting of the time period and the location of the story Rebecca will need all of her friends support through the happy and not so happy times

Love

SamanthaAnn

Alicia..

Podracer's picture

What did you just do? You couldn't know of course, how complicated your friend's life is already.

"Reach for the sun."

Robbie's life is complicated

First off by becoming a girl physically, whether he wanted to or not. (I mean by not trying to force himself either way with a program of hormones to become either male or female.) It does seem Robbie does want to try being a girl first, since if male hormones are used, it will destroy any chance of passing as a girl. (and I am realizing for all intents and purposes that Robbie has had the surgery.)

Next, we have the issue of hiding. That is getting very difficult with the body changing. The stress of that alone must be eating her up. It can be seen through these chapters.

Then there is the problems with Bill and Alicia. Which way does Rebecca want to go in relating? The incident with Jen at the mall with Trey showed that Rebecca could go on autopilot and just be herself with a guy, but it doesn't show how she would handle a situation where a guy would want to really make out with her. Putting aside her development, I am unsure of Rebecca's mentality to reacting to males. In a real sense, she still considers herself Robbie in a dreamlike state knowing that she is crossing genders, but not wanting to rush it. She also can go on autopilot with females too such as with Jen and also Alicia (before the kiss.) So she knows that she is a person (as Rebecca), but becomes Robbie whenever she is worried about changing and when cornered about relating to one sex or the other.

I think if she see's that Robbie is the costume that she has always worn and who she is inside is the girl that has always been there, she can then confront whether she is lesbian, hetero, or maybe likes both sexes. Who knows? I am not in a hurry to know this last answer, because the fun of this story is not the answer, but the journey towards it.

Sephrena

Please read this

This is an excellent story! Nice and long and well written too. More please!

Kind of had an idea that that

Kind of had an idea that that was Alicia's plan all along; but not that she had always had a crush on Robbie since the 5th grade. Hopefully, she will become a very good friend to Rebecca when she finally appears.

Semi acceptance

Jamie Lee's picture

Robbie now makes five who have accepted Rebecca as the person who he has become, even Pop is now fully on board. Now, perhaps a sixth person needs added to the group, if Alicia fully accepts what Robbie told her.

These five, maybe six, people knowing about Rebecca constitute a small step to Rebecca coming out. Her big step will come her junior year in school, where all have known her as Robbie. What the reactions will be depends on how Rebecca is introduced. If it's by the rumor mill, things could go very badly, since misinformation will be running rampant throughout the school. But if she is allowed, or willing, to explain it to the whole school then the rumor mill will be crushed and things might go better. Even though there will be those who think the whole thing is BS.

Does Alicia present a problem now that Robbie explained the situation? She definitely has the hots for him /her, but can she be trusted not to say anything to anyone but Jen? Time will tell.

Others have feelings too.

Relationships...

Just what she needs. lol