“Mom, could you help me?” Erika knocked on her mother’s door.

“Sure, what do you need?”

“Can you put my hair in pigtails? I can’t seem to get them even.”

“Sit down.” She took the proffered brush and began brushing through Erika’s curls.

“What do you want for Christmas?” she winced as her mom pulled hard.

“For my family to be happy.”

“I am happy, mom.” Erika stated. “I’m happier than I have been in years.”

“Are you?” her mother began wrapping an elastic around one section of hair.

Erika fought the need to nod her head. “yes. I have great friends, a girlfriend, I can finally relax at school because I’m not getting picked on so my grades are belter. And a mother and father who love me. Even if they aren’t thrilled with some of my choices.”

Her mother stopped for a moment then continued with her hair.

“I want you to be happy, Erika, I just don’t always think this choice is the right one.” She finished her pigtails.

“I know momma.”

“I wanted a girl too.” Her mother wrapped her arms around her. “In fact, soon after you were born, I got pregnant again.” She sighed. “I Had a miss carriage in the fifth month. It was to be a girl.”

Erika turned and looked at her mother’s sad face. “I didn’t know that.”

“it’s a hurtful subject and many people don’t like to talk about it.”

Erika wrapped her arms around her mother and squeezed. “That must have been horrible.”

“I couldn’t dwell on it. “I had a precocious little boy to look after.” She gave Erika a weak smile.

“now you have had both.” Erika got up

“It’s not the same.”

Erika didn’t hear that last part, she had already left the room. She went back to her bathroom and pulled out two long ribbons which she tied around each sprig of hair. She applied her mascara and combed down her bangs so that her eyelashes occasionally brushed them.

Okay, mom, we’re going shopping. “Erika announced when she heard Samantha’s horn honk.

Erika huddled down into her coat against the sharp, cutting cold. She nearly broke all records for the fastest car entry.

“Let’s go”

“We should have done this a few weeks ago.” Samantha whined. “the mall is going to be packed.

“It’ll be more festive.” Tricia corrected

Erika could hardly believe just how crowded the mall was. There was a line of cars just trying to get into the parking lot. After close to thirty minutes they finally found a parking space in the very back of the lot. It was going to be a long cold walk to get inside the mall

Tricia took her hand as the trudged across the parking lot. “how are you feeling today?” she asked.

“Good, why?”

“The last time we were here you had your first seizure.”

“I was trying to forget.” Erika sighed.

“You’ve been quiet in the car. What’s going on in that brain of yours?”

“My mom and I had a moment while She was doing my hair.”

“It’s very cute.”

Erika smiled “she told me that after I was born that she miscarried a little girl.”

“Oooh, That’s rough.” Samantha joined them

Tricia gave her hand a lingering squeeze.

“She said that she ‘didn’t dwell on it’. My becoming Erika probably brought up some hidden emotions.”

“You think that is why she rejected you at first?” Samantha asked.

Erika shook her head. “I don’t know. “

“How are you doing with this information? “

Erika shrugged. A little sad, but I was too young to know and she was never born, so…. I don’t know what to feel.”

Walking through the doors of the mall was like being slapped in the face by a cacophony of noise. The Christmas music was nearly drowned out by screaming kids, women heals clicking on the tile, and thousands of people talking and calling out to one another. It was so mad, that she and Tricia came to an abrupt halt just inside the door

“holy crap!” Tricia gasped.

“Still think its festive?” Samantha snickered.

The people were moving like a massive herd of water buffalo like she had seen on Animal Planet, surging and morphing, ever on the move.

With her eyes wide with fear she turned to Samantha. “Where do we go?”

“Stay behind me. Hold on to this,” She handed Tricia an end to a belt on her coat.

Samantha charged in with no fear. The two others felt like they were hanging on for dear life.

The girls, working their way through the crowd went from store to store. Erika was starting to get frustrated. She was having a difficult time finding her mother and father something for Christmas. She had found a few things that caught her eye, but nothing that was perfect. Of course, she found lots of things that she liked for herself.

They were closing in on the food court when Erika spotted Santa sitting in a large chair while screaming kids were placed on his lap for pictures.

“That’s it!” she exclaimed. “I’ll get my photo with Santa for my parents”

“Look at the line,” Trisha groaned.

“Sorry, but this will be my only chance.” Erika begged.

“We can get our picture together.” Samantha grinned.

The three friends queued up in the serpentine line. Erika realized that the line was approaching the fountain that Eric had been pushed into. Her heart started to beat faster and she began looking around more and more as they crept closer and closer.

“What is wrong?” Tricia whispered in her ear.

“Just before school started, I was pushed into that fountain.” Erika quickly told her the story of that horrific day, of the raccoon eyes, of her mother’s dismissal.

Tricia gave her a long, gentle embrace, slowly rubbing her back. “that won’t happen today. We are getting our pictures with Santa.” She pulled back and gave Erika a loving smile.

“Hey guys,” Samantha got their attention. “look who’s in line.” She pointed, “Weird Stephanie.”

“The one who always wears cats on her clothes?” Tricia searched through the queue behind them.

“That’s the one. She’s in my chemistry class.” Samantha shivered. “She gives me the creeps.”

Sorrow and embarrassment boiled up in Erika. Especially when she started to snicker. Then she just got mad at herself. “leave her alone Sam.” She pointedly used the name Samantha hated. She lowered her voice. “I was like her last year. Did you say things like that about me?”

“Of course, not.” Samantha went on the defensive.

“Cut her some slack. Her mother is poor and probably has to make her clothes.” Erika scowled at her friend. “I can only imagine what your friends said about me.”

Samantha blanched and looked away.

Erika immediately regretted how that came out her mouth. She touched Samantha’s arm. “I’m sorry. That came out harsher than I thought.”

“No, you are right.” Samantha forced a smile. “It’s just, sometimes I forget that you were in that position.”

“Next.” Santa’s helper called.

Erika explained that she wanted a solo picture and then one with all three.

This had to have been the best Santa she had ever seen. He didn’t wear the typical red Santa jacket and pants, but instead wore a soft flannel shirt with a Christmas print and velvet short pants. Something Santa might wear around the house. His hair and beard were real, all though his hair was looking sparse, his beard was long, and fluffy.

Erika slid off her coat and handed it to Tricia. She wore a red sweater dress over white tights and black flats.

“Oh, my goodness you look adorable.” Tricia squealed.

Erika flushed red, but was pleased.

As she was walking up to the Jolly elf, she realized that as a boy she would have been too embarrassed to have gotten in line let alone have her picture taken with him. The thought thrilled her more than she’d have thought.

“Ho, ho, ho.” He greeted. “Have you been a good girl this year?”

Erika grinned, “what would be the fun in that, Santa?” She shrugged her shoulders.

St. Nick lost his ho,hos and chuckled.

Erika smiled for the picture, but it was quite difficult because the elf became more dirty than jolly.

Once the picture was taken, Erika wagged her finger “I’m telling Mrs. Clause.”

Tricia and Samantha joined her, all gathering close to the dirty Santa.

Once the picture was taken, the girls went to the purchasing counter.

A scream followed by a splash and laughing captured their attention. Erika looked over to see a soaking wet Stephanie struggling to get out of the very fountain that Eric had been pushed into.

Racing through the throng of people, she made out the backs of Greg and Tyler.
Erika hurried over to Stephanie and took the girls hand and helped her out.

“Are you alright?” Erika was fighting flashbacks of her own.

Sputtering and crying, Stephanie hissed, “You did this to me!”
“What? No.” Erika blanched.

“It was those two jerks, Greg and Tyler.” Tricia appeared next to her.

“I know who you are, plague.” Stephanie growled “ever since You disappeared, I have been their target. This!” She screamed looking down at her soaking clothes. “This is your fault!”

Erika turned white. If Samantha hadn’t caught her arm, she as certain that she’d have crumpled to the floor “This is not your fault.” She insisted in Erika’s ear.

Erika took a deep breath and steeled herself. “Let’s get you dried off.” Her calm voice had an edge to it as she began pulling Stephanie towards the bathroom.

“What are you doing? “Tricia demanded, “She knows.”

Mall security showed up “what is happening here.”

“Two thugs pushed her into the fountain!” Samantha pointed the direction the two football players escaped.

“Officer, could you please bring some towels to the bathroom?” Erika asked .

“Why? Tricia said under her breath.

“We’ll need to take a statement.” the officer stated.

“After she is dry.” Samantha told him. She followed Erika dragging Stephanie.”

“Leave me alone.” Stephanie tried pulling her hand away.

“We are trying to help.” Erika pushed her towards the sink.

“I don’t want your help, Eric.”

Erika flinched.

“Just leave her alone, Erika.” Tricia pulled on Erika’s arm.

Erika looked really hard at Stephanie. She pitied the girl, no she empathized with her, but why didn’t she want any help? She knew who she was, or had been the plague, perhaps knew for a while and hadn’t outed her. To come right down to it, Stephanie was a loose end and Erika needed to figure out why Stephanie hadn’t blown her new identity.

Erika turned on Tricia. “I told you that I was in this same situation just a few months ago, instead of anyone helping me, everyone laughed. I’m not going to let another suffer what I have.”

“But she said she doesn’t want your help?”

“I don’t care.” She turned back to Stephanie, “Let’s get you out of these wet clothes.” Erika reached out.

“Don’t touch me, pervert.” Stephanie batted her hand away.

“Towels are here.” Samantha came in.

Erika turned towards Samantha, gave Tricia a glance. “Please help her. I’ll go outside. She obviously doesn’t want my help.” She bit her lower lip.

Tricia rolled her eyes, but accepted a towel from Samantha.

Erika pushed her way out of the bathroom and leaned against the wall. She looked to the heavens with closed eyes. Is this what my life will be? Always fighting uphill? Always the outcast?

“Excuse me miss.” The security guard approached, “How long will this take?”

“As long as it does! She was just humiliated in your mall,” Erika lost her temper.

The guard put up his hand and in defense and backed away.

Erika was a little surprised at her own boldness. Eric would have shrunk in on himself and taken a submissive position. Erika however seemed to be finding her own voice.

A few minutes later her curiosity got the best of her. She stuck her head into the bathroom door. “How’s it going?” she asked above the sound of the air dryers.

Tricia shrugged, “You need to stay out.” She shooed Erika away.

Erika went back to her spot on the wall. The security guy took so step towards her, but retreated with the gaze Erika shot his way.

- - -

When the three finally emerged, Stephanie’s long dark hair had been French braided, her sweater no longer dripping wet was still damp as well as her pants which she wrapped a towel around. Tricia looked to have done Stephanie’s makeup which looked a bit heavier than Stephanie normally wore it.

The look she gave Erika wasn’t as full of hate, but it wasn’t friendly either. In silence, the security guard walked them to the security office. Erika took up the rear. After giving their statements, the girls left.

“Do you need a ride home?” Samantha offered.

Stephanie shook her head, “I drove.”

“We’ll walk you to your car.” Erika instructed.

“I’m fine.” Stephanie’s voice was heated, but sounded more emotionally drained.

“Well are going to make sure those ass holes don’t try something else.” Erika insisted.

It was just as cold out as it was when they had come in. Erika felt for Stephanie in her still damp clothes.

“why?” Stephanie asked Erika.

“Why what?” Erika needed more

“Why are you dressing like a girl? Why would you want to be a girl? And why would you help me?”

Erika was silent for a few seconds. “Those first two questions are the reason why I am seeing a psychologist.” She paused. “I know what it is like being bullied, having to always be looking over your shoulder, trying to remain invisible so as to not attract more bad attention. Luckily, I found two incredible people who decided to help me. Stephanie, I’m sorry that you are getting bullied. I didn’t know. Now that I do, I’ll do my best to help.”

“Me too.” Samantha stated. “I’m tired of those immature Neanderthal ruining people’s lives.”

“Stephanie, you’ll keep Erica’s secret, won’t you?” Tricia pleaded.

Stephanie looked at each in turn. “I haven’t decided yet.” She stood next to an old beat up car. “I need to go home.”

Erika waved good bye and the three walked to Samantha’s car.

“Damn!” Erika pulled up. “I forgot our pictures.”

“Call and ask them to hold them for you.” Samantha got into the car.