Robbie's Revelation Chapter 14

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Continuation of Robbie's story, as friends, family, and maybe even fate
continue him on his path of discovering who he, or she, really is.

Robbie’s Revelation
Chapter 14

By Rebecca Jane
Copyright© 2017 Rebecca Jane
All Rights Reserved.

Author's Note:Thankfully, the new year has finally started to slow back down to a frenzied gallop for me and I could finally start trying to write again. That and my muse was excessively stubborn to get woken back up after my break, I thought I was hard to wake up...geez. Anyhow I hope you enjoy this addition, hope you all are having a wonderful new year so far. ~Rebecca



 
 
Chapter 14
 

I sat there watching Paul and tried to gage his reaction, he kept opening his mouth and started to say something only to keep shutting it again like he was trying to think of what to say. Finally, I couldn’t stand it anymore.

“Paul please say something, anything.” I begged him.

“Rebecca… I mean I don’t know where to start… It’s a lot to take in… You’re telling me that you used to be guy? Looking at you I can’t believe it, even getting to know you I find it hard to believe… I’m just trying to wrap my head around it, I know you’re not lying, who would try to make something like this up?” He said. The look on his face was of confusion, at least he didn’t appear to be angry at least.

“Paul… I… I mean we, as in my parents too, thought that I was a guy… I mean externally I was when I was a kid, but it was only on the outside…” I told him softly while wiping tears that kept forming. I did notice a bit of sadness in his expression, I wasn’t sure if he was empathizing with me or sad to find out I wasn’t what he thought.

“Did you want to be a guy?” He asked quietly.

“I don’t even know what I really wanted anymore. I mean the world thought and expected me to be a guy so I thought that’s what I had to be. It was what was expected… So when I started developing as a girl I did whatever I had to do to perpetuate the lie I was living… I thought that was what was expected of me… That lie was slowly killing me Paul… Had it not been for Jen… I don’t think I would be here now…” I told him, looking pleadingly into his eyes.

Paul sat there for a moment, then reached over and gave my hand a soft squeeze and said, “Then I really need to meet this Jen, so I can thank her. You’ve been a good friend to have and I’m very glad you’re still here.” He smiled at me reassuringly.

Still holding his hand, I ask, “So you’re not weirded out by this?” Motioning with my other hand to the rest of me.

“Hey I do admit that it’s a lot weird, but not any weirder than a girl who can out quote me on Star Wars or a girl who is going to fix my car… I mean, so far weird has been working for you, why should this be any different.” He said with a slight laugh. I couldn’t help but giggle slightly.

“So… You’re not upset at me? I was expecting…” I started to say, but the words caught in my throat.

“What? That I’d storm out and create a scene?” He asked.

I nodded and added, “After what happened with Alicia…”

He interrupted me, “I’m not Alicia okay? You are a friend, a good friend. I can’t fathom what you’ve endured, but what kind of friend would I be if I turned my back on you. That’s not who I am. Besides from what I read you’re completely a girl now right?

“Yeah I am. According to the tests and what the doctors believe I am a fully functioning girl now… I even started having a…”

“Whoa… You can stop there.” He said suddenly. That fear of rejection started setting in again and he immediately noticed my change in demeanor. He quickly added, “I mean we’re about to eat is all, and that topic will weird any guy out.” He chuckled. Almost as if on cue our waiter came up with our dinner. As he was placing our plates down I noticed that Paul was still holding onto my hand, which caused me to blush slightly as I let go to give our waiter room to set everything down.

As Paul started to dig in to his grande burrito, I started to continue our conversation again, but he just smiled and said we can continue it when we leave, and to just enjoy our dinner. I was partly relieved but felt that the conversation wasn’t over yet, but I relented and just sat there and ate my shrimp fajitas. Oh, we still talked to each other while we were eating, but Paul moved the conversation back to our science fiction banter and light jokes. While still a bit on edge, since I was having a hard time accepting that he just accepted me, we had a very pleasant dinner.

After he laid the money down to pay for our dinner he stood up and reached his hand towards me, after a moment of confusion to what he was doing, I gently smiled and took his hand in mine. Once he helped me to my feet he never once attempted to let go and walked me back to the Ghia.

As we got to the car I looked down at our hands together and couldn’t help but smile slightly. “Umm Paul if you want me to unlock the car you’re going to need to let go so I can fish my keys out of my bag.”, I told him smiling. Suddenly he looked down at our hands and let go quickly, I could swear I saw him blushing but in the dark it was hard to tell.

“Oh… Umm. Sorry I didn’t realize I was still, umm.” He said trying to find the words.

“Shhh, its okay I don’t mind. Thank you though.” I said, giggling as I slightly bumped his hip against mine.

He looked at me very seriously and placed his hand on my shoulder, “Rebecca stop thanking me for just being a friend. I know you haven’t had a lot of friends from what you've said, but I haven’t had many either. I’m glad you’re my friend.”

I couldn’t help but reach out and give him a huge hug, as I held on to him I felt the tears start again. This time though they weren’t from being upset, while still not used to letting my emotions show, I knew these were from relief and joy from how he reacted. After a few moments, I let him go and looked at him, he looked at me with this silly smile and reached out to wipe the tears that were on my cheek. He softly asked, “Are you okay?”

I couldn't help but laugh just a bit and told him, “I am, or at least I’m getting there.” With that he leaned over and gave me a quick kiss on my forehead.

“So, are you going to unlock the car and let me in, or are we going to keep making a scene out here in the parking lot?” He asked with a big smirk on his face.

“Oh right! Sorry…” I stopped talking because I immediately felt my cheeks flush in embarrassment. I unlocked the door, and as I opened it I said with as much dramatic flair as I could muster, “Your chariot awaits.” As he climbed in, I could see him trying to stop from laughing while shaking his head. I noticed as I walked around to the driver’s side, that we had a few people that had come out of the restaurant who had been watching our display. I didn’t look directly at them, partly because I was embarrassed, but I was also fearful that either of the Chris’ could have been out there. While I wanted to know if they had seen me getting into my car, the fear of making eye contact with them like this kept me from looking.

When we arrived back at his dorm he suggested we go for a walk to walk off the heavy dinner we both had. I knew I needed to get home, but so far with all the emotional ups and downs I had had today, I really wasn’t ready to leave Paul. With his acceptance of me so far, I just wasn't ready to go home. I just looked at him and smiled and told him a walk would be wonderful.

As we walked, we resumed our talk about, well, all things me. His questions were genuine and I felt like he was trying to understand me and my situation better. After opening up to Jen, her mom, and my parents, it was getting easier to talk about, even after the way Alicia handled it. I mean I wasn’t quite ready to shout it from the rooftops, but once Paul found out my darkest deepest secret and didn’t explode I found it was getting easier to open up to him.

“You really didn’t want this to happen, did you? I mean you didn’t want to be a girl?”, He asked as we walked.

“No I didn’t… It just didn’t seem to be right to me at first. The church we used to go to was very much a hellfire and brimstone kind of place… God supposedly made you either male or female, with no room for anything in between and I used to believe that. Hell, it had been basically beaten into my head for years. Then I started changing in ways no boy should. I felt at first that I was being betrayed by God or even worse that I was being punished for some unknown reason.” I said softly, the memories of how I felt during that time was doing its best to darken my mood.

“Oh my God, that’s screwed up! How can a church, that’s supposed to be all about God so loved the world, be like that?!?” He exclaimed, and wrapped his arm around my shoulders giving me a slight squeeze as we walked. “I know it doesn’t help much, but I’m so sorry they made you feel that way. It pisses me off”

“Hey, it does help and I appreciate it. Trust me though, I don’t feel like that anymore.” I tell him as I gave his arm a squeeze.

“I keep trying to put myself in your position, you know. I’m trying to understand just a tiny bit about how you felt, and frankly I can’t wrap my head around it. I mean were you happy, umm you know, before you found out you were… Different?” He asked.

“I think I was… Back then though I was just a young kid, gender wasn’t really a deal for me then. Jen was already my closest friend and she was the biggest tomboy you would have ever seen back then. We were just friends and there wasn’t any pressure to be anything other than a kid, you know? Then once the changes started happening and we found out what the cause was, I was mostly confused and upset. I thought I was supposed to be a boy, and thought everyone expected that of me, so that’s what I kept trying to be. I don’t even remember now what I was the most upset about. I’m not sure if it was having to pretend to be a boy, or if it was that I knew I wasn’t ever going to be one… The last 4 years, my every waking moment was spent trying to be something I knew I wasn't, and that belief consumed almost every thought and every action. I don’t know if it was because I was trying to convince everyone else or just convince myself…” I replied softly.

“Well are you happy now?” He asked.

I had to think for a few moments, with everything I had gone through and especially during the last month or so I hadn’t stopped and actually considered the idea. Finally, I smiled and replied, “I think I am for the most part… There are a few places in my life that are harder, but mostly I am. For the first time, I am finally getting a chance to figure out who I really am, and not what I thought was expected of me. If that makes any sense.” I laughed slightly with that last statement.

Paul smiled and said, “With everything you’ve told me, it makes as much sense as the rest of it. I mean I still find it hard to believe. I do believe you, but I can’t every picture you as a guy. It sort of makes sense though, why you’re good with cars and like science fiction like you do. I take it the areas that are hard now is finding out how people will treat you?” I just nodded.

He smiled softly and reached out squeezing my hand and told me, “Rebecca, I only know you as who you are right now. If the person I know, is who you’re becoming, then I am one last person you have to worry about, okay? Because I really do like who you are, you’re a pretty cool person even with finding out about all this.”

“I can’t tell you how much that means to me.” I say as I give his hand a soft squeeze. “My biggest fear through all of this has been what people would think, and how they would react. After what happened with Alicia the other day…”

“Hey like I said, I’m not her. I’m not going to bail on my best friend.” He said reassuringly. My eyes started watering up yet again, for good reasons though.

“Your best friend? Really?” I ask wiping my eyes with my free hand.

“Yeah, you’re the best friend I’ve ever had. Like I said I haven’t had many friends. Since I’ve been younger than all my classmates I’ve always been treated like a kid and never truly accepted. I know just being younger is way different than your situation, but who would I be to not accept you, just because you’ve had this huge challenge.” He stopped walking to turn and look at me, while giving me a comforting smile. He must have seen my eyes were tearing up, yet again, so he gently asked, “Are you crying again?”

“I’m not trying to.” I said with a slight laugh. “I’m still trying to get used to the idea that you are okay with all of this. I know you've said you are, several times. I totally believe you when you say it, I really do. I guess I’m still trying to get over that fear that you’ll change your mind and run as fast as you can away from me. I know it isn’t rational, not at all… I’m sorry my head is so messed up…”

He looked at me softly and moved his hand from my shoulder and gently caressed my cheek. “Rebecca, I’ll tell you as often as you need to hear it okay?” He said softly, then he added with a chuckle, “Trust me though, I wouldn’t try to run away from you, you’re faster than I am.”

I couldn’t help but giggle and pressed my cheek into his hand, “Well there is that.”

“I wish there was something I could do that would prove to you that I’m serious.” He told me.

“Paul it’s okay, you don’t have to do anything other than what you’ve been doing.” I tell him. Suddenly I saw his eyes brighten up as if he thought of something. Curiously I ask him, “What?”

“I just had an idea… I know how I can prove to you beyond a shadow of a doubt. I don’t want you to keep being afraid, especially of me. Okay?” He said.

I was feeling really bad that my fear kept getting to me, and I didn’t want it to impact our friendship with me second guessing if or when he would leave. So I responded, “Okay…”

“Okay… Look, I’ve been wanting to do this for a while, and after what you’ve told me tonight hasn’t changed that… I know what you’ve said, and I’ll respect that… Do you trust me?” He asked smiling. I just nodded, still feeling his hand on my cheek. Maybe I should have seen what was coming, with my thoughts and emotions all over the place I didn’t though. He nodded and gave me a sweet smile and then leaned forward and ever so gently pressed his lips against mine. It wasn’t a forceful or even passionate kiss that he gave me, it was gentle and sweet almost as if he was afraid of going too far. I immediately started to feel myself respond and began to kiss him harder, but that inner Robbie voice, which had been getting quieter lately around Paul, suddenly screamed in outrage. I was kissing a guy, and letting him kiss me. For a brief moment, I panicked and froze, I could tell that Paul felt me freeze up and he started to pull back with a frightened look on his face.

“Rebecca… I didn't mean too… Please don’t be mad at me.” He begged.

He tried to back up but I held on to him. I didn’t know if I wanted more from Paul or not, but I refused to let an old voice of someone who no longer exists dictate what I did or didn’t do. I quickly shoved that part of the old me back down as far as I could. Looking up at Paul, I smiled at him to let him know I wasn’t mad. I softly told him, while looking up into his eyes, “I’m not mad, at all…” Inside I was a bundle of nerves, I was afraid and excited at the same time. I had to find out for myself if this was something I wanted, without listening to all of the preconceived ideas I had forced on myself for so long. I did really like Paul, he was smart, funny, and a really sweet guy, but did I like him like that? Full of uncertainty, but determined to find out, I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him down till his lips touched mine.

I’ve heard, or read, that so much can be communicated in a kiss, of course Paul was only the second person I had ever kissed. I wasn't paying attention and got caught off guard the first time he kissed me, but not this time. At first, we were both cautious, maybe afraid of how the other would react but that passed quickly. His kiss was tender, playful, touching, and full of desire, all these made my heart flutter and my knees weak. Unlike when I had kissed Alicia, which had been full of passion and desire, this time with Paul was just so much more. I wish I had the words to describe all the emotions I felt, but it was just on a deeper level than I had ever felt. When we broke the kiss, I was glad he was still holding on to me, my legs were just wobbly enough I don’t think I could have stood on my own.

“Wow!” He softly exclaimed as he looked down at me. I couldn’t help but giggle at his remark, even though I was thinking the same thing.

It took me a few moments to collect my thoughts after that mind-blowing kiss, before I said, “Paul I promise I wasn’t mad at you okay? I still have a lot of, umm, conflict up here.” I gently touched my forehead. “I’m working on it, but it’s still there…”

“Look, I know you said you could only be friends, I understand if you’re not ready for more than that right now. You’ve been totally open with me so let me come clean to you. I’ve wanted to kiss you for a while now. I mean you’re this smart, funny and incredibly gorgeous girl, even though you don’t act like any beautiful girl I’ve ever known. I’ve got a bit of conflict too, not as much as you I’m sure. I mean ever since dinner when you told me everything, my mind has been racing about everything. What you’ve gone through, how you lived for so long as a guy, if I could imagine you that way, and what would people think when everyone knows… Truth is though, that is just my mind playing games and I honestly don’t care about any of that. Even with all those thoughts I realized that I still wanted to kiss you just as badly as before… Rebecca I still really like you. The fact that you were willing to tell me everything in an effort to keep from hurting me, even though you expected me to run, makes me like you even more…”

Overwhelmed I pulled him into a hug and just held on to him and cried onto his shoulder. He just held me tight and after my sniffles started to ebb, I heard him whisper in my ear, “Even if you are a bit of a dork.” Shocked, and a bit pissed, I pulled back and immediately saw that devilish smile and laughter in his eyes. I quickly slapped him on his arm in a huff.

“Oh My God!! You’re one to talk! Have you looked in the mirror lately? Hi pot,meet kettle!!!”, I said with as much anger as I could muster, which honestly wasn’t much. Just a few seconds later I burst out in giggles at him. It was such an odd feeling; my tears hadn’t quite stopped from that emotional release and here I am laughing like an idiot, all at the same time. After I finished wiping the last tears from my eyes, he reached out to take my hand while we headed back to the dorm. I quickly pulled my hand back and said still smiling, “I’m still mad at you mister!”

With a mock look of hurt on his face, he sheepishly stuck his hands in his pockets. After a moment, he asked, “How about we compromise then?” He then reached out his elbow for me to slip my arm through.

Giggling at him yet again, I slid my arm through his, and sighed, “I guess I can do that at least.” We walked the rest of the way in silence just arm in arm with each other.

As we stopped when we got to my Ghia, Paul turned and looked at me with a serious gaze. He asked, “Are you okay now?”

I just nodded, and said, “I am Paul, very much so.”

“I know you said all that about being just friends, but I was a wondering after that kiss. If…” He asked, only to pause as if he was trying to select the right words.

I interrupted him and told him, “Paul, like I said I want to be friends… As far as anything past that? I really do like you too, but let's just take each day as they come okay? I really don’t want to rush or force anything, especially with you.” I looked into his eyes and smiled, giving his hand’s a soft squeeze I told him, “I had an incredible night tonight, thank you for… Well, for everything.”

“I did too Rebecca… For the last time, you don't have to keep thanking...” That was all he got out because I rocked up on my toes and gave him a soft gentle kiss.

“See you tomorrow?” I asked mischievously. Completely caught off guard he just nodded back.

We both said goodnight and he watched me as a drove out of the parking lot. By the time I arrived home, my cheeks were starting to hurt from the smile that had been plastered on my face.

When I walked in the door my Mom was still up watching TV. As I walked into the living room, she looked up at me and immediately noticed I had been crying. She stood up and then quickly asked, “Baby are you okay? You look like you’ve been upset.” Before I could say anything, she grabbed me in a firm hug.

“Mom it’s okay, I have been crying but they’ve been good tears.”, I told her. She let go enough to back up, so she could look up at my face. I then said, “I told Paul... Everything.”

“Really? I take it he’s okay with it, since you said good tears?” She asked.

“Yeah, he's okay with it, we went for a long walk after dinner.” I paused, not wanting to tell her what else happened, but at the same time I wanted to shout it from the rooftop as well. After a quick breath to steady my nerves, I said softly, “Mom he kissed me… I mean really, really kissed me. He doesn’t care about all the other stuff.”

I quickly saw the surprise in her face as she said, “He did? Did you kiss him back?” I nodded at that. She continued, “So… How do you feel about that?”

“At first… At first I almost panicked, I mean here I was kissing another guy… Then I quickly kicked myself, because I had to remind myself I’m not a guy, you know?” I said pausing, unsure as how to continue.

“And? I take it you kept kissing him after that?”, she asked grinning. I nodded sheepishly. Mom softly smiled, “How did it make you feel sweetie?”

“Mom... It felt great… It felt amazing... But then I felt scared too, and excited… Nervous, but happy… I’ve never felt all those things at once…” I told her and started to lower my eyes.

She quickly put her hand under my chin and lifted my face to look at her. She was smiling gently and said, “Baby, I think those are the things you’re supposed to feel.” Then she gave me another huge hug and I just held on to her for all I was worth.

We sat and talked for a bit more before I excused myself for bed. With the emotional rollercoaster I had been on today, I was physically, mentally, and emotionally wiped out. After I had gotten ready for bed and was lying there, I started to think about who all had been there for me. Jen, who I couldn’t beat off with a stick if I wanted to, her parents, and my own parents. Now I also had Paul… Were we boyfriend and girlfriend? Or just friends like I had demanded at first. The more that question rolled around in my head I finally just decided to take my own advice, I’ll take each day as they come until I know for sure.

Touching my lips gently I could still feel the touch and taste of his lips on mine. With a silly grin on my face, the last thought before I finally drifted off to sleep was, I really think I can do this!

 
 
To Be Continued...
 

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Comments

Thank you, Rebecca,

' for such a sweet and lovely story . Wonderful !!

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Enjoyable Chapter!

It's great that Paul and Rebecca patched things up. One of the things that came to me was later, when she reveals who she is (or doesn't if she transfers schools) is for Paul to escort her to and from schools and be seen kissing. I know changing schools might sound like giving up but it will prevent more problems than what would happen if she continues at the same school. It would also cut out certain girls that might otherwise be tempted to reveal things.

Sephrena

Lovely

Rebecca

The wait was well worth it

Lovely and wonderful as usual

Remember Real Life first and foremost as much as we all enjoy
your story that comes first

Love

SamanthaAnn

Wouldn't it be a wonderful

Wouldn't it be a wonderful world if we could all receive this kind of love from those close to us, whether they be family, friends or just strangers that we have just met?

Walking on air

Jamie Lee's picture

Rebecca needs to grab Paul and hold on tight. Not caring about her condition and still wanting to be her friend, he's a keeper.

And after laying one on his lips, Rebecca doesn't need her Ghia to get home. She can just walk on the air she's floating on.

Others have feelings too.

Just 1 chapter

WillowD's picture

I see I'm not the only one that got hooked on this story when the first chapter was reposted.

Woah! That was some kiss.

WillowD's picture

Every bit as epic as the true love scene in The Princess Bride.