You Know you are Better than This
I know I say this all the time, but thank you everyone for being so helpful and supportive.
This is yet another one of my old stories, I edited it as exercise to get better at editing. I feel that I am doing so by putting the stories out also for people are so nice to give me constructive criticism and pointers. Yes I have written many stories before I ever even put one online. I was not improving in my writing and felt the only way is to have people see it to mention what I was doing wrong. Now it is my editing which needs work so I am putting that out there.
It was the third Saturday of the month and Paul always dreaded it. It was the day where he was Paula the maid to his wife, Jennifer. Once a month Paul would have to spend the day as his wife’s maid. He had to wear a maid outfit during the day and after serving his Miss Jennifer dinner Paul would have to change into an outfit which was appropriate for a maid to wear while off duty.
As Paul was finishing applying his makeup he did think to himself that it could be worse. It was one day a month. Paul fought Jennifer, his wife, so hard for it to be one day. Jennifer did not like it but she did settle for it to be once a month. He knew he was lucky it was once a month for his wife was so adamant about her views and stances on him being her maid when they fought about it.
The rest of the month Jennifer was the most loving, caring wife Paul could hope for and knew he was lucky to have her. He knew he did not deserve her. So to him one day of him being her servant instead of her spouse was a small price for him to pay to stay in this loving relationship. He believed that he should have to be her maid more but he was grateful it was one day a month.
Paula looked at the time and saw it was 8:29, she was so happy that breakfast was ready and would be served on time. Miss Jennifer, that is the only way she could refer to her wife on the third Saturday of the month, would be pleased. Even with not wanting to be a maid for one day out of the month, Paula got so much pride in pleasing Miss Jennifer.
At 8:30 Miss Jennifer came walking into the dining room and saw her maid waiting at attention for her. Miss Jennifer tried to hide the look of disdain she had on her face. She knew she did not ,for her maid quickly looked down as they made eye contact. Miss Jennifer hoped that she did not have to deal with her maid crying today so she quickly said “Maid Paula, I am pleased with you being so prompt and waiting to serve me, thank you. Now, please go get me my breakfast.”
Maid Paula was happy to hear she did well, she understood her mistress having disdain for her. She was a man who was her wife’s maid, “how much lower can a person be” she thought. She looked up and curtsied while excusing herself out of the room by saying “I will be getting your breakfast, right now Miss Jennifer.”
Maid Paula brought Miss Jennifer her breakfast. It was a soft boiled egg, a slice of bacon, a half of grapefruit and two pieces of whole grain toast. As Miss Jennifer slowly ate her breakfast, Paula stood at her side nervously waiting to hear the verdict. It was a good sign that Miss Jennifer did not say anything while eating. If Miss Jennifer had anything to say before a meal was done, it would be a negative comment. Still Paula just needed to hear any validation, good or bad, on what she has done.
Miss Jennifer finished her meal and looked at her maid. “Thank you for the meal. It did go beyond meeting the requirements and I would say it was a good breakfast. The toast was a little burnt but I could live with it. So I have to say, you know you are better than this.”
Paula was happy that the breakfast has met Miss Jennifer’s standards. She knew that the meal was not perfect and it should have been. Paula was happy that Miss Jennifer did not hold her up to the high standards which Paula knew she should have been held to.
Paula believed that Miss Jennifer was right, the maid knew she was better than that meal she served. Paula knew she was lucky that she did not have to make a new one. If only she would had kept a better eye on the toast, it would had been perfect.
After cleaning up the mess in the kitchen from making breakfast, Paula went to the living room to report in to Miss Jennifer. Paula wanted to know if there were any special chores which needed done today on top of her regular maid’s duty. Even with cleaning the house being more than enough work for her as a maid, she hoped for something extra to do. If she got a special chore, it meant that her work last month was up to Miss Jennifer’s standards.
Paula needed Miss Jennifer’s approval. Paula was scared that if she did not get it then Miss Jennifer would want to change the arrangement of how often Paula was a maid. It was hard enough to have Miss Jennifer to agree to it being one day a month.
Paula walked into the living room and did a curtsy as she announced to Miss Jennifer her presence in the room. Miss Jennifer looked up from the paper she was reading and acknowledge her maid, then went back to reading.
Paula stood there heartbroken, Miss Jennifer did not even bring up the chores or any extra ones. Paula knew that she did not do her best last month with the detailed cleaning of the kitchen, but it was good work. It pleased Miss Jennifer but like everything Paula did Miss Jennifer ended the praise of her work with the phrase “you know you are better than this,”
Miss Jennifer did not like that she did not hear the taps of high heels going out of the living room. She knew that meant, Maid Paula was still standing there. Why was her maid still standing there, she has a lot of chores to do today. Then it dawned on her, oh yes the extra chore, Maid Paula wanted to know if there was an extra chore.
To appease her maid Miss Jennifer started to think what else she could have Paula do. Miss Jennifer did not want to give her maid a job which she has done in the last couple of months for she knew that Paula would be disappointed. Paula would believe that the chore was not done in a satisfactory manner. At the same time, Miss Jennifer had better things to do than find something extra for Paula to do. Paula wanted to do extra, she should just do it.
Miss Jennifer looked up again. “Maid Paula, I have an idea why don’t you find yourself something extra to do. You want to please me and you not counting on me to tell you every little thing to do while you are my maid would do so. You know you can do it, you can think of what needs to be done.”
Paula, saw this as Miss Jennifer brushing off the work she does as a maid. It did hurt a little for it was agreed that Paula would be treated as a maid one day a month. The maid was told what to do not come up with what to do. Paula took this as Miss Jennifer not being happy with her work. The humble servant made herself a promise that today she would do her best.
Paula said “How about a detailed cleaning of the main bathroom Miss Jennifer, or I could better organize the basement?”
Hearing Paula asking what to do irked Miss Jennifer. She told her maid to find the something extra to do, not to ask her which chore should be done. Even with being irked, Miss Jennifer tried her best to conceal it. She knew that Maid Paula was extremely fragile and it would hurt her feelings to hear the disapproval.
Miss Jennifer said “I said you pick the extra chore to do, so you pick it. In fact, you do not have to do any chores if you do not want to. I know you do for you need my approval. So if you want to do something extra just do it. I will inspect it and tell you if is to my liking or not. You make the decision. Now, start your chores and do as you are told you know you are better than this.”
Maid Paula tried to hide the disappointment in her voice when she said yes to Miss Jennifer.She turned around and left the room quickly. Miss Jennifer knew her maid too well and heard the disappointment in the answer. Miss Jennifer looked up from the paper and thought “great now I have to deal with Paula’s hurt feelings.”
Paula was so proud of herself as she did the cleaning. The maid was keeping herself together, she felt devastated that Miss Jennifer was so aloof about Paula going to start her chores. Paula knew it was for a good reason, it had to be. Then she realized what the reason was, Paula knew she was better than her execution of the chores in the last couple of months. She was slipping and Miss Jennifer was giving her a chance to make amends. Miss Jennifer was stern but she did care. Instead of wanting to revisit the maid agreement, Miss Jennifer was giving Paula one last chance to shine.
Paula got new resolved and did some of her best cleaning ever, in record time. She knew that doing it quicker would only make Miss Jennifer expect the chores to be done quicker from now on. Maid Paula did not care, she wanted to please Miss Jennifer and doing the chores as quick as possible would do so. She knew it was her place to please Miss Jennifer.
Paula was so ahead of schedule in doing her regular chores she was able to do a detailed cleaning of the bathroom and then shine some of Miss Jennifer’s shoes. The maid was so pleased with herself while shining her superior ‘s shoes as Miss Jennifer came into the bedroom. She knew that Miss Jennifer would be pleased not only with Paula doing the extra chores but also coming up with a new one on her own.
It was 3:00 and time for Miss Jennifer to find her maid and do the inspection of Paula’s work. Miss Jennifer went to the kitchen looking for her maid to start the walk through. Maid Paula was not there. “I knew it,” Miss Jennifer thought “Paula did not finish on time again. I am now going to have to deal with her about this” Miss Jennifer was not looking forward to dealing with Paula.
Miss Jennifer went around the house looking for her maid. When she finally found Paula in their bedroom, Miss Jennifer was confused at seeing Paula smiling while shining her shoes. First shining the shoes was not part of her duties today and Paula was smiling. Miss Jennifer is not used to seeing her maid smile and be in a good mood..
Miss Jennifer let Paula know she was in the room by saying “May I ask my maid what she is doing?”
By hearing Miss Jennifer asked that question, Maid Paula knew she lost track of the time. Paula quickly put down the shoe she was working on and jumped to attention. Paula did a quick curtsy and then with a huge smile on her faced answered Miss Jennifer’s inquiry. “Miss Jennifer, I was shining your shoes.”
Miss Jennifer responded “Maid Paula, I could see that. I meant why are you here shining my shoes, you should have answered that question instead of what I really asked. You do not need to take everything literally, you know you are better than that.”
As soon as those words left Miss Jennifer’s mouth she knew she messed up. She wished she could take them back, she forgot to give Paula a complement before pointing out what she did wrong. Miss Jennifer did not like how she worded her response to Maid Paula. She will just deal with how Maid Paula was going to take it. “That was a nice act” Miss Jennifer thought” and I did not even acknowledge that to Paula, I should have. I will just have to somehow make her feel better” She was used to dealing with having to prompt Maid Paula up after she was beaten down too many times.
Hearing Miss Jennifer's reaction made Paula quickly came back to reality from her fantasy. The maid thought “Miss Jennifer is right, I should have known better.” Paula felt like what she really was in her own eyes, a useless excuse for a maid, a useless excuse for a man also.
Paula in a reserved tone said “Sorry Miss Jennifer, I finished my regular chores and giving the bathroom a detailed cleaning way before schedule. I decided, instead of going to you and asking what else you wanted done, to take the initiative like you suggested and shine your shoes.
I now see the errors of my ways. I should have informed you the change in my routine. I wasted your time by having you need to find me instead of being at the agreed upon meeting's place in a prompt manner. I know that the intentions do not rectify what I did wrong.“
Paula was right about the intentions not rectifying something if it was wrong. This was not wrong, shining her shoes was an act of kindness which could not be taken in a negative manner. Intentions only did not rectify an action when that action caused a negative results. That is when the person doing the action needed to look at how the other party involved took the action, instead of putting up defenses and try to justify the action. Miss Jennifer knew she was going to have to explain that to Paula later and hoped that Paula listens to her so they talk with each other about it instead of them talking at each other.
Miss Jennifer started to try to smooth the situation out. “Maid Paula it is fine. I am happy that you were shining my boots, It needed to be done. It is fine that you were not in the kitchen to meet me. You are wrong about your intention not rectifying what you did for the results were also good, come on you know you are better than that.”
Saying come on you know you are better than that, made Miss Jennifer a little unsettled. She did not like being that harsh with her maid but knew she had to. If Miss Jennifer was not hard about what Maid Paula did wrong, she knew that her servant would take it as the mistress not caring about the work which was done. Miss Jennifer was being cruel to be kind.
Miss Jennifer led Paula around the house to perform the inspection. Every mini-criticism Miss Jennifer gave ended with the phrase “you know you are better that that.” Each time Paula heard that phrase it was a reminder of what she really was. A loser, not good enough, a lucky person for her Miss Jennifer put up with her inferior work. Paula knew that she had to accept the fact that she was just a lowly maid and have the strength to face it. She knew that she was going to have to admit that to Miss Jennifer; to tell Miss Jennifer that she should be her maid more often, not just one day out of the month. It would be hard but it is better for her, and more importantly her Miss Jennifer, that Paul just accepted what she really was all the time; not just one day out of the month. Paula knew she did not have the right or privilege to call Miss Jennifer her wife.
After the inspection was over Maid Paula excused herself to the kitchen to start supper. Miss Jennifer asked what was for supper. Even with understanding that Miss Jennifer should not have to clutter her mind with the mundane fact of what was for supper, the question made Maid Paula feel insignificant. Maid Paula softly answered “It is your favorite Miss Jennifer,chicken au vin.”
Miss Jennifer did not mean how the question came out. She wanted to talk about how much she was looking forward to dinner tonight. She was trying to ease Maid Paula into a conversation, so Miss Jennifer could then invite her maid to join her for supper. Miss Jennifer wanted to enjoy her maid’s company while having supper. She hated eating alone and excluding her maid even with them agreeing that the help should not eat with the lady of the house.
Miss Jennifer also knew that exclusion put Maid Paula in her station. That it was correct or done for the good intentions did not make it right. Miss Jennifer knew that exclusion, while two people are sharing the same space, lessen the bond. It made Miss Jennifer start to look at Maid Paula as just a servant. Miss Jennifer wanted so much more than just a servant.
Miss Jennifer knew she lost control of the narrative and did not care that she had to treat Maid Paula as an equal to regain it Miss Jennifer said “Maid Paula I think you misunderstood the question. I knew I was having my favorite meal tonight for supper. I wanted to bring up the fact so I could invite you to join me for a meal together. I do not forget what you do for me as a maid, do not think I would, come on you are better than this.”
Maid Paula said “I am sorry that I took what you said the wrong way. I would be honored to join you for supper. I know how much you enjoy company while you eat. I just know, I am not worthy company so I would not dare think you were going in that direction when you asked that question.”
Miss Jennifer did not like hearing Maid Paula saying she was not worthy company for her. Miss Jennifer got to decide who is and who is not worthy company. The lady of the house said “Maid Paula, I decide who is worthy company for me, not you. You would not be my maid if I did not think that you are worthy company, you would not be my maid if I did not want to spend time with you. Do you think you are not worthy of being my company while I enjoy a great meal you have prepared for me, come on you are better than that.”
Paula felt good about hearing Miss Jennifer saying she was worthy company. The maid also knew that her mistress was just placating her. Paula was not worthy company, she was in a french maid uniform right now, with a petticoat under the skirt. She also was enjoying being a maid. No man who is dressed like a maid, let alone a woman, and enjoyed being dressed in that manner was worthy company to someone like Miss Jennifer.
Maid Paula said “Thank you so much for those kind words. They do not change the fact I am not worthy company. It is my station to be your maid and I am lucky that you allow me to. I will be happy to join you for supper. Thank you, in advance, for giving me the pleasure of dining with you."
Miss Jennifer did not like that Maid Paula heard her words but did not listen to them. She did her best not to show her anger, but it came out in what she said next. “Listen Maid Paula, I meant every word I said. You are my loyal maid. I do not need to say anything which is not true to have you stay at my side as my maid.
You know that I can change this arrangement anytime I want. You having doubt in my words which are backed up by my actions is making me think it is time for us to change this arrangement. You know you would not like it, if I did.
I would understand you doubting me if my actions did not back up my words. Now have faith in who you are and in us, come on you are better than that.”
Maid Paula was scared straight when Miss Jennifer brought up how she could change the arrangement and how Paula would not like it. That only meant one thing in her mind, MIss Jennifer was getting sick of having Paula around as a maid. Paula believed that the marriage would be over if she was not her wife’s maid at least one day out of the month. She knew that the relationship needed Paula to be. Paula could only be as a maid. A man in a dress was less than anyone else and needed to show it.
Maid Paula said “Please Miss Jennifer, do not change the arrangement. I could not take it if I was not your maid. I should have more faith in us and I promise that I will be worthy of your company tonight, I will not let you or us down. Give me another chance to show you were not wrong in allowing me to be your maid.”
Miss Jennifer did not like the grovelling from her maid; but she was satisfied that Paula was feeling better about the arrangement and would calm down for supper. Paula’s mistress said “Good we are at an understanding, so why don’t you start cooking our meal and when the chicken is in the oven change into something more appropriate to join me for supper.”
Paula was so happy to hear those words. She knew she invoked Miss Jennifer’s anger and Miss Jennifer being so magnanimous let it slide this time. Paula knew she had to be on her best behavior and would be.
Paula listen to Miss Jennifer’s suggestion for she might be a lowly maid but she was smart enough to know that the suggestion was really a sugar-coated command. Miss Jennifer was kind enough to want to put Paula at ease while she was not in uniform while on duty and actually having the privilege of sitting at the same table as Jennifer.
Paula came into the dining room in a floral print skater dress. Miss Jennifer loved how it looked on her maid. When, Miss Jennifer commented on how that dress really flattered Paula’s figure, the maid blushed. Seeing Paula blushed made the entire day worth it. It made it worth Jennifer pointing out the little things which was done wrong by her maid.
They sat down to eat and Paula kept on trying to serve her mistress. Jennifer was not having any of it. “Paula you are my guest now, at this table tonight you do not need to serve me. In fact, I should be serving you.”
Paula could not take that Miss Jennifer would want to stoop down to serving a man in a dress. She knew she was getting a pleasure she did not deserve by just having the appearance of being Miss Jennifer’s equal at the table. Paula tried to politely decline the offer of her superior serving her by saying. “Miss Jennifer, it is fine. I can serve myself and refill my own glass of water.”
Paula turning down being served by Jennifer and not drinking any wine with the meal was the final straw. Jennifer only made the agreement to be Miss Jennifer one day a month to help her husband deal with liking to crossdress. She hated how it made her feel and worse she hated that her husband had to punish himself to do something which he enjoyed. Jen was not going to be part of Paul being a sadist to himself anymore. He can punish himself all he wants, she is not going to help anymore.
Jennifer said “Paul, this is over. You are never going to be my maid again and never refer to me as Miss Jennifer. You are not Maid Paula when you dress, you are still Paul to me. I will call you Paula for doing so respects that you are expressing your feminine side, but you do not need to punish yourself for wanting to do so.
Call me Jen or Jenny all the time. I hate being Miss Jennifer, it made me feel more distant to the man I love. I am not better than you. Come on you know better than that.
I love you and at first I did not care either wat that you dressed, but now I like it. I like it for it makes you happy. You deserve to be happy. Today, I had to make you feel unworthy just so you could enjoy any compliment I gave you. Come on you are better than that.”
Paul knew everything his Jenny said was true. He also knew that he had to start believing it or else he would make the strain on the relationship worse. “Jenny, I am sorry. I am working on accepting Paula. It is hard and I have come a long way. I used to have to be alone to dress, now I can do so with you around . I am working on it, I just need to be your maid a little while longer when I dress. I know I can getting more comfortable dressing. A couple of months ago I would have cried if you offered me to eat with you, I would have felt so unworthy. I do not feel as guilty now about dressing when I do now. Can’t we talk it out before you make that decision?”
Jenny was open to hearing what Paul was saying for he was open to hearing what she said. She gave her response.“My love, I cannot have you as my maid anymore. It is fine that you need to be a maid, but it will not be as mine. I could get myself a sexy little maid outfit and we could be maids together. We could act like we are both working as maids. I just am not going to make you feel like you are lesser than me,. You are not. come on you know better than that.”
Paul knew that Jenny was trying to meet him somewhere in the middle so he quickly agreed to it with a caveat. “If you want to be a maid with me then, yes, I would enjoy that. I think I am ready for that, That is only if you want to wear a maid's outfit. I never want you to do anything which you are not comfortable doing.“
Jenny was so happy that her little blow up has led to them having an open discussion about Paul’s issues with his crossdressing. “Paula, I would love to wear a maid outfit. I am so jealous that you always get to wear one. I never thought that I would find them so sexy until I saw you in one.
Speaking of that I do finally want to have Paula as an equal in bed with me. You deserve to get as much pleasure out of life that you can. Do not punish yourself for being who you are, come on you know better than that.”
This talk they were having made Paul/Paula so comfortable in who he was that he took a sip of his wine before he said. “Wow, I never knew you found me sexy as a maid and if you like I could slip back into that maid outfit. Then when we have dessert in bed, I will make sure I do not deny myself any pleasure. I know I am better than that.”
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